Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S3 E13 - Return of Rich Mann

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S3 E13 - Return of Rich Mann · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to the Steven Jeff Show, the funniest podcast ever.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_04: Hey people, I don't write the words, I just read them.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_04: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_04: Write us a review while you're there, too.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_04: And now, here's Stephen Jeff.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_04: Well, hey Johnny, great to hear your melodious voice.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_04: Jeff, it's great to be back in the studio.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_04: How's it going, Jeff?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_04: How was your week?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's going great.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: You know, this we're into the new year now, and you know, everything's good, although it's kind of one of those times when you make all these promises that you're going to do improvements and accomplish things.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: You your best chance on doing those things are right at the beginning of the year.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_03: Your best chance to promise to do those things.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_04: To promise at the beginning of the year.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, to do them.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you you shouldn't probably do them, but but I digress.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_03: No, that's true.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: For me, you know, I I promised Kathy that we would do all kinds of stuff like painting and drywall down in our basement.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: And there's a number of projects we've just sort of left behind.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: So now I'm starting to get that together and I'm noticing how expensive everything is.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's crazy.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_04: I've been doing a lot of work myself, and mostly, you know, I got this little office back at the house, and I'm I'm getting the office prepared.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_04: Hey, we got to be ready for the show.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_04: It pays to be ready.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_04: We we got to be ready for the show this coming year.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_04: It's not costing a lot of money per se.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I'm arranging push pins in the in the drawer and thing.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_04: It's not a ton of money, but it's very, very time consuming.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_04: Speaking of money, I mean, you're looking at what we spent as a family last year, my wife and myself, and I guess my mom and Johnny, I don't even want to think about what they spend, but you know, it's shocking.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_04: How much we spend on on just luxury items, on stuff we don't need, stuff we're never gonna use, you know, like like food and like electricity.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, you know, we're gonna have to cut back this year.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_04: You know, everybody's talking about efficiency these days.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe we need a department of podcast efficiency.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_04: That would be not doggy, that would be dope.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe we need dope, Jeff.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_04: I I always like dope.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_04: Would I would think so.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe the show needs uh a few cuts.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_04: Uh maybe cut back on labor.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I've thought about that before, Steve, but I feel like Claire and Johnny have just contributed so much to our show.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_03: I think they they really uh have become a part of the show.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: So I I don't know, I don't know how we can do that.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, oh, they do.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_04: I they do contribute a lot.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_04: I definitely wouldn't get rid of them.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_04: Uh no, I was thinking of cutting in other areas.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if we have any other labor expenses except you and I.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: And they're not gonna kick one of us off the show because you you got your Steve and Jeff show title, so that would be kind of confusing.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_04: Well, it wouldn't be confusing to me, but uh, maybe to some people, you might be right.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_04: It's too bad.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_04: Remember that show we did a while back?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's too bad that we didn't get the funding from that guy that was on our show sometime last year, I think it was.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_04: What was his name again?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_04: The rich, the really rich guy?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, his name was Rich Man.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, Rich Man.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_04: There you go.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_04: He has I think it was a Reinhard, Reinhard Mankowitz or something, but yeah, because it wasn't.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: Rich wasn't on the show, right?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: Or was was he on the show or was his front guy on the show?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_04: Well, he had his sock puppet on the show, but he did make he did record a little item for the show.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_04: So he is he does quote unquote appear, but he doesn't appear.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_04: Or nobody's like audio podcast, nobody appears, right?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, right, you know, and he was a great guy, you know.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: And he taught me a lesson because I don't know about you, Steve, but I don't rub shoulders with a lot of billionaires in my life.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: And and one thing I learned from him and from his boss was that billionaires are really great people.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think there's anybody better qualified to understand the working man struggle to make ends meet than a billionaire that has endless money.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I couldn't agree more.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_04: That is absolutely right.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, I I have rubbed shoulders with some billionaires, and let me tell you, they have dandruff.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_04: It's kind of embarrassing.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_04: But yes, certainly a billionaire who's never been without money can best understand what it's like to be without money.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's like who understands the value of your property better than the thief who's about to steal your property?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_04: Why would he steal it?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_04: Of course he understands he wouldn't steal it if he didn't understand the value, of course.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_04: Give me an example of generosity of rich people.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_04: I was reading about this really, really rich guy who just did this extraordinary and generous thing the other day.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_04: What happened?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_04: This really wealthy guy was in his car and he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, and that disturbed him.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_04: He was just uh he was he ordered his driver to stop the car, you know, because he doesn't drive, right?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_04: Or his driver to stop the car.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_04: There's an electric car, of course.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, it stopped quietly and he got out.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_04: So he asked one of the men, Why are you eating grass?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_04: The guy said, Well, we don't have any money for food.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_04: So the rich guy is he is moved by this.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_04: Let's uh let's call you know what, let's call the rich guy Leon.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_04: So Leon says this guy could come to his house and he'd feed him.
• 4:59
  unknown: Wow.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_04: The man is really moved by this, very grateful, says, I really appreciate it.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_04: But sir, I have a wife and five children with me.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_04: They're over there, right under that tree.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_04: Leon says, Bring them along.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_04: What what generosity is so then Leon notices this other the other guy out there eating grass, walks over to him, says, Hey, you know, you come with us too.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_04: So second guy, he's like almost out of it, you know.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_04: He says, Sir, I I also have a wife and I've got seven children.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_04: So Leon says, Ah, bring them, bring them all.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_04: They all climb into this electric car, which you know is no small feat.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it was one of those tank things, you know.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_04: So they put some of the kids in that little back part that goes up.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_04: At this point, one of the guys turns to to Leon and says, Sir, you're too kind.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for taking all of us with you.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_04: So Leon is really moved by this.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_04: He says, Listen, I'm glad to do it.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_04: You're gonna really love my place.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_04: The grass is about a foot high.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_03: That's the definition of giving, don't you think?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_04: He's a giving really it just talks about charity.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: It talks about helping the working man.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_03: And I have no doubt that any billionaires in this country, especially the ones that are gonna help run this country, they're gonna make sure there's enough grass for everybody.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, there'll be so much grass and not the weed kind.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, like grass, like a lawn.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_04: No Americans will have a fiber shortage because we'll be eating pure Kentucky bluegrass.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_04: It's gonna be so delicious, too.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_04: Kind of tastes like mint a little bit, you know?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe we should try to get a hold of that guy, rich man, you know, the billionaire, his sock puppet or whoever from the episode and might want to reconsider taking us on, giving us money.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_03: Correct me if I'm wrong, but back then, billionaires didn't have that big of a role in the lives of people.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_03: And now he now is in a position of authority.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: So I think we're gonna see the best of him.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that if we could remind him of who we were, maybe, maybe we'll get some help, and maybe we won't have to cut any labor.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_04: I hope we won't have to.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_04: I would hate to have to do that.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_04: Let's listen to that show.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_04: That'll inspire us to talk to him.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_04: Johnny, play that rich man show.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_04: My first boss, my mentor, my dad.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_04: Well, no, I used to love drinking Scotch with your dad when I was a juvie.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, I know he was I was 15, he was born Scotch, it's always a beautiful thing.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_04: But I digress.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_04: I owe him some.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_04: But anyway, my mentor, the guy who really got me started in the podcast business before there were podcasts, before there were computers.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_03: You talked about him.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, what was his name?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_04: His name was Seymour Blankenship.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_04: Now, I can't tell you his real name was Seymour Butts, but every third grader on earth made fun of him.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_04: So he changed it.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_04: He was a big fan of British literature, and he's reading about some character in some book by Thackeray or somebody named Blankenship.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_04: Blankenship, right?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_04: So he was just a great mentor.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_04: You know, he's he was very smart, he's wealthy.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_04: He owned the company that I worked at, you know, my first job kind of took me under his wing, his arm or whatever.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_04: But you know, yeah, like what would be his wing if he had wings, but you know, he didn't because he wasn't not a bird.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_04: But I think a lot of what he did really made me what I am today.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_04: Gosh, Jeff, I will never forget my first day on the job.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_04: Told me a story, very first thing.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_04: Sent me down and says, Gotta tell you the story as you start.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_04: When I was your age, I was unemployed, I was married and broke, literally down to his last nickel.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_04: His last nickel.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_04: He had this little laminated thing in whatever, some kind of plastic on his desk.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_04: Had a nickel.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_04: He pointed to said, That was it.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_04: That was the last nickel.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_04: That was back when a nickel was five cents.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_04: That was hardly anything at all.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_04: So he said, at that point, he didn't know what to do.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_04: So he took his nickel and he bought an apple, polished that apple, sold it for a dime.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_04: Some people would have eat that apple.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, no.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_04: He sold it for a dime.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_04: So then the next day he bought two apples with the dime, right?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_04: Polished them, sold them for 10 cents each.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_04: He had 20.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_04: This is the start of his business empire.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so I said, that's how you built your wealth.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_04: That's how you made all this money.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_04: That's how you became this great success.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_04: He goes, Oh, oh no, no, no.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_04: A few days later, my wife's father died and left me a fortune.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_04: Oh no.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so okay.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_04: Well, that's another way to do it, I guess.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_04: Jeff, that really just kind of drives home the point that people become wealthy a lot of different ways.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, some of them polish apples, some of them pinch nickels, some of them have wealthy dead relatives.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: Some of them do uh podcasts, really funny, best podcasts ever.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_04: Best podcast in the world, listened to by, let's face it, Jeff, the millions out there are listening to this show.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_04: The millions.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_04: Speaking of wealth and speaking of people who have made a lot of money, our guest tonight, just the other side of that glass, we have someone who not only became wealthy, but became incredibly wealthy.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_04: Kind of like that one commercial we had last year for the FU money.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_04: This guy's got he's got everybody's FU money.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_04: He is, in fact, the richest man in the world.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_04: Holy shit.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_04: The richest man in the world.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_04: Let me say that again.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_04: That trips off the tongue so nicely.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_04: Richest man in the world.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, it didn't trip so nicely that time.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_03: But I think that says a lot about us, that we can attract the richest man of the world to come on our show, share his secrets, maybe share his wealth.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_03: Who knows?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_04: Considering what we pay, that we got the richest man of the world.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_04: That's that tells you a lot right there.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_04: Hopefully, he's gonna show people how to gain wealth and how to become maybe become wealthy like him.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, you're not gonna believe this, Jeff.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_04: You know what his name is.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_04: His name is Richard, but he doesn't go by Richard.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, no.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_04: He goes by Rich, and his last name is I think his parents' name was like Manheim, but he shortened it because you know, okay.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so it's not Richard Manheim, it's Rich Man.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_04: Rich Man.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_04: That's my best.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: There he is.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, welcome to the show, Mr.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: Man.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: It's an honor to meet you.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: Please, it is uh my pleasure, but uh please call me Mr.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: Rich.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like Miss Claire.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, Mr.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_04: Rich, we're so excited to have you here tonight.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think I've ever been around someone as wealthy as you before.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_04: My mom has a couple of dollars, but you know, Steve.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: In in reality, no one has uh since I represent the richest person in the world.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_04: Oh oh, so you're not the richest person in the world.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: I am I am sorry to uh burst or bubble.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: I am not rich man, I am Richie's uh public persona, his representative, if you will, or his sock puppet, as he often refers to me as.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: And when I say sock puppet, I am I'm not talking about any you know six for pairs for$12 socks, you know, that you would get that how you say uh TJ Miyaks.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: I believe is this I wouldn't I wouldn't have gone there.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about the finest and softest socks ever made.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, the perfect combination of newborn baby's hair and kitten whiskers.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: And if you have a chance to wear a pair, I would highly, highly recommend it.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: That sounds amazing.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_03: I have no idea how you would get such a pair, especially if they don't sell them at TJ Maxx or Marshall's, uh, which is a fine store for all of our clothing needs, especially a future advertiser of ours.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, absolutely.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_03: How do you acquire something like that?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it does uh require some uh special conditions and a boatload of money.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I should know I had to bring two, uh especially uh acquiring the uh the baby's hair.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: Uh cats are pretty cheap to get, but parents and people uh charge a very pretty penny for a newborn's hair, uh especially if they are lucky to be born with a lot of it.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, uh that's why, you know, that's usually why I stick with the more uh Mediterranean, you know, the Italians, the uh Spanish, uh for the for the darker puppets, and then the uh German and Scandinavian areas, you know, the Swedish, the Norwegian, the Finnish for the lighter colored puppets.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: I guess that makes sense.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_03: Still have no idea, even if I had the money, how to reach people who would want to sell me their baby's hair at any price.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_03: Do you ever just go with adult hair instead?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_02: Here is the issue.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I mean, you're welcome to.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's not quite the same.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: The hair has had more time to be out in the open.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: And again, with the with the skin cells, you have to get them when they're very, very supple.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: When you put them out in the air, they get harder.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: And no one wants a a hard hair.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: You you want that, you want that soft, supple hair.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: I had that once in high school.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: That was bad.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: That was bad.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: You can you can almost feel the innocence of the newborn child that you just lose when the person is, you know, put ages upon them.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_04: Talking about selling your hair, Jeff, is is that what you did?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_04: Did you did you sell your hair?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: No, Steve, I did not sell my hair.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_03: I think it was stolen in the middle of the night, but I do have hair, not on the top of my head.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I have some in my chest, and you know, I have some in what did you refer to it as in a in another episode?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_04: Your own private South Carolina, my own private South Carolina.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um would you be interested in uh purchasing some of that, Steve?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_03: Because I've got some and grows like swampland.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's just crazy.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I don't think I'd be interested in buying it.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_04: I I'm not sure I'd what know what to do with it.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_04: And it sounds like it'd be really hard to stitch all that together, all the little hairs, you know.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_04: It just sounds kind of difficult.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: That that's where the cat whispers come in.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: When there is a will, there is a way.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: You just have to kind of fat roof it and cross it, but again, you lose uh it would be very sturdy.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: It just would not you would not have the childlike wonder that you would have to have from baby hair.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so the cat whiskers are kind of like the the stabilizer of the hair.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_04: It is uh how you say the the rebar of the sock.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_04: You know, Mr.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_04: Rich.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_04: Speaking of Wills, I know well, I know you're not really Mr.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_04: Rich or whatever his name is, but the real rich, Mr.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_04: Rich, I'm assuming, has a family, and probably at some point he's going to leave money to that family and they're gonna be wealthy too, right?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: See, and this is why he is the rich one and not you.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_02: You see, he he does have a family, but uh everyone has signed uh uh prenup, I guess would be the way that you would use that.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, in this case of the kids not born yet a more of a uh prenatal up.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: Prenatal nup.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_04: Boy, that's that sounds like it'd be hard to do that to get their signature on a document.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it sounds like a medical procedure, sounds very difficult.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is an incredibly difficult procedure.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: It requires a really small pen.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Uh you know, very, very small pen.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I and it it's and it's like the pen you have to use in space where they're able to, you know, so but a very, very shrunk down.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: And the in a paper about the size of uh like a gum wrapper, uh, to be inserted into uh you know where the uh yeah right the other side of South Carolina, yeah.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, right exactly, in the in the uh in the Fort Uh Thomas area, right?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, and basically then it is signed.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um ironically, we we sometimes uh hire babies to insert the pen and paper uh into the uh woman's vagina because they have small hands, so it's easier for them to get get inside easier, and you know, and also it's usually you know a traveled pattern, so they kind of know the ins and outs.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_04: That gives gainful employment to a lot of youthful people who otherwise would not have jobs.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_04: Mr.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: Rich is a job creator, you you cannot you cannot hate him for that, and you know, and we never used to have to do that, you know, with the unborn kids to sign before they were born, but until um certain laws were changed, and uh I guess now that they are people too.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we all know that people equals money grabbers, especially Maester Rich's money, so they especially those fetuses.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: It yeah, we have to make sure uh we have no time uh like the present.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: So it does kind of suck sometimes.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: With these those little the fetuses, can they really grab the money that well?
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, are their hands like developed?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, it's it's not something I'm I'm real familiar with, but it just seems strange.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: We have done studies.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: The first muscle that gets developed in most fetuses is the muscles in the fingers.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, and that's why you have to put so many bones there.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, you know, most the majority of you know, you see everyone knows that there's 216 bones in the body, more than half of them are in your hands and your feet.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: So that makes sense.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: So, and of course, the feet don't need to do anything, but the hands uh constantly you have to to reach out for, so that's the easiest thing to do.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_03: That makes total sense.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, uh, it is strange, but I guess if you have that kind of wealth, you do have to take precautions.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_03: I just realized, you know, I keep thinking you're rich man, but you're not.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_03: Is is he aware of this interview?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes, yes.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, he is actually uh absorbing it as as we speak, uh, you and I.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, plus remember when you borrowed money uh from Steve's mom to get the podcast thing going?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, he actually bought the note from her.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: So he now uh congratulations on your show.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: By the way, Steve, uh thank your mom for uh little Stevie's hair.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: He greatly appreciates it.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and and tell her the case of Ginny's on the way.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, she'll be happy to hear that.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, she does like that.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_04: She likes to mix it with a little vodka too, and kind of brings out the brings out the flavor, you know.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_04: But easy, it was an easy it was an easy shuffle.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_04: I had no idea that my mom sold it.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_04: Mom sold that note.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, you know, though, maybe I shouldn't be worried because from what you said, he hey he likes our show.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_04: He probably wouldn't change a thing, right?
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, probably just leave it the way it is, and I mean liked enough to send you, right?
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, of course.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: I am here, he I am here, he is here, and he is able, you know.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's a situation he he likes this show, obviously.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: The millions of fans uh that you have you know, he only wants to make a few minor changes.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's not a long list, so I hopefully can kind of run through this pretty quickly.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, the name Steve and Jeff.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it seems to too much of two.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: So uh the rich, Steve, and Jeff, but mostly rich show, nice ring to it.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: So the rich, Steve, Jeff, but mostly rich.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_04: That might be hard to fit on the advertising, though.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, no, no, no, no.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: You just have to change slight font, it will fit.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh, we've we've already gone over kerning possibilities.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, it will be great.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: Also, Steve loves the commercials.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_04: Oh they're the best.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_04: Good job, yes.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: Your commercials are amazing, and and in fact, he has produced one for this very show.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so yeah, so as much as he loves it, he wants to, you know, make sure that you can take something off your plate for this show.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: So, uh, can you uh go ahead and uh play the commercial we have prepared?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_04: Sure, sure.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_04: Let me Johnny play that commercial that Mr.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_04: Rich brought.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean my dear friends and not friends.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: I am Dmitry, but you can call me Rich Man, the richest man in the whole wide world.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Ho ho ho ho ho ho.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I am speaking in the voice of Baby Robot to keep secret my identity.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: And baby robot doesn't have a Russian accent.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! You see, I am desire of money.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: I take money from here, there, everywhere.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: But mostly I like to take money from poor people because it is more fun.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: They have little, I take.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: They have more, I take.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: In Russia, we have a saying that loosely translates to money gets you more drunk than vodka.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: But it is true, and I am, as you Americans say, wasting.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: How I get money, such?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: I take it.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: And one way I take is collecting and serving hair of tiny babies.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: I also collect cultures.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I own a procreation station, and I take all your cultures and make them rushing.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: How else do you think they're able to buy everything?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I own Far King.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: I own Who's Sorry Now?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: I own all the advertisements on this show, other than those flight pushes.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: But they're next.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Haters call me oligarchy, but I'm not oligarch.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: I just buy countries.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, Mother Russia, but I buy lots of other countries.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe country you're very close to.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: So please, please to keep buying care of tiny babies, please to keep buying my appropriated ethnic trinkets, and most of all, keep sending money to me.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Richmond.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Vladimir and I thank you.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: That was strange.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: I I mean really good.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_03: Steve, I think it would fit nicely into the show.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I really appreciate it, boss, uh, for doing that.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_03: Or if you could let the boss know.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_03: Steve, isn't it nice that Johnny doesn't have to worry about doing those commercials all the time and you writing them?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_03: It sounds like we're gonna get some needed help.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I I guess so.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_04: I guess there are worse things to give up.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_04: Is that the only change he wants to make?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_04: Pretty much it, except for the uh the show joke.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: Uh like you just did one uh at the start of this one.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: He likes the fact there's a joke there, he just kind of wishes it was uh actually a joke, uh you know, that was funny.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so so what he did is uh he he has a joke that you can actually use uh on this show as well.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so just you can kind of feel this out.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_02: So sure, okay.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, let's hear it.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so he he wrote it himself.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: It goes like this, okay.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I'm trying not to you know put on too heavy of an accent here.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um Steve and Jeff.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: Last week I was working on foreclosing a local psychiatric hospital system and putting thousands of mentally ill people on the streets when this married couple came into my office.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: They were obviously poor and probably illegals, considering they both looked uh you know.
• 23:29
  unknown: Yeah.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, anyways, uh one said to me that their son had borrowed money from me to pay for tuition for college.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: He has just now graduated, but he can't find a job with his loan payments that are too much to pay, especially with 28% interest charge.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_02: Junior said he received a letter from me stating that if he fell behind on his payments, I would have his degree withdrawn.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: They asked me if I could see fit to allow Junior to get on his feet, get a good job, and then start to repay the loan.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: I leaned back on my gold-trimmed chair, thinking that this would be a good way to quote, pay forward and let a young man just starting his life become a valuable contributor to society, and all I had to do was let him delay his debt for me for a few months.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: At this point, I told his parents I could certainly do that, and it would be my honor, but as just a formality, I would need them to sign a note, guaranteeing that he would pay the money back.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: They were so happy, and they signed the note immediately after they both signed it that I told them their son was delinquent in payment and I would need to take possession of the family car.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: The funny part was that his father was an Uber driver, so he was now unemployed too, and I sold him a loan too.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, you know that is that's hilarious.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_04: That's really pretty funny joke.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's I'm I'm sorry.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_04: I I you know I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Steve and Jeff don't own the Steve and Jeff show anymore.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: Gentlemen, I totally understand.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: But uh if you would like, you could borrow the money to repay Mr.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: Rich and get your business back.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I have the uh the paperwork right here.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, after that joke, yeah, that's tempting.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_03: I think Steve, you and I need to talk about this a little bit.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: I'm as shell-shocked as you.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no problem if you have to keep talking, just let us know.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, we should talk about that.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_04: But I guess the good news is that if we do this, we'll have money to promote the show like we never could before, you know.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_03: You're so right.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Steve, you remember we the last time we were driving on the highway, and I pointed out those billboards, and I was like, man, if we could only afford to put our faces on those billboards, the ones going to the airport, then that would make our show wonderful.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_03: And now it looks like it's possible now that we have some funding.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly, Jeff.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_04: And I gotta tell you, I've always wanted to perform our show live, you know, like the halftime show at the Super Bowl.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_04: You know, usually the performers get paid, but until we get up to that Taylor Swift level, we're not quite there yet, you know.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_04: Mr.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_04: Rich maybe could buy our way in.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_04: Probably wouldn't cost more than$10 million.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_04: Gosh, that's gotta be nothing to the richest man in the world, right?
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_04: That's a that's a that's a couple of minutes pay, right?
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_03: You know, yeah.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_03: And the cool part, Steve, is that we have Taylor Swift money now, which is cool.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: I never thought that that we would have that.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_04: Just so our lawyers don't call us, we don't have Taylor Swift's money, we have Taylor Swift level money.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_04: Sure, whole different thing, completely.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_03: Not only that, Steve, but you know, we kind of fell behind a little bit on our payments to the landlord here at the studio and now we're centrically alien.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, they've been honest.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_03: And get caught up with that.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I think this place needs a good paint job, and just think there's so much we can do.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, I have the bills right here.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, if you want to maybe you could sign for him, maybe we could write that check right now.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, actually, Mr.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: Rich says that is not the way he does business.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, he he doesn't give his companies money, he gets money from them.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_02: What do you mean he says?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_03: Is that just a saying of his?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_03: Where is where exactly is he right now?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_02: Well, gentlemen, I I I do apologize.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: I guess I I should have told you.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, Mr.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_02: Rich can hear and see everything I can hear and see.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: He he had a a small camera embedded into one of my eyes and in one of my eardrums is a uh listening device he had installed in me uh when I took the job.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_04: That is amazing.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_04: That takes Sock Puppet to a really high-tech level.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_04: Is it always on?
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, is it on when you're home with your wife and family?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: Uh um yes, uh, but the the wife and the family uh are not a problem.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: Uh about uh about a year ago, uh Mr.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: Rich uh bought me out of my marriage.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, my fatherhood.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_04: So that's a thing.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_04: Well, did you get a lot of money for it?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: No, I I did not get anything, but my wife and kids, I I mean uh the the former wife and kids are quite uh wealthy.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: It was a um win situation.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, you mean like a win-win situation.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yes, of course.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: Uh that's that's what I meant.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um and again, it's it's always on, it's only really a problem when nature calls.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: But in South Carolina, yeah.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: No, yeah.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, there is when there is monsoon season in South Carolina.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but anyway, but again, getting uh back to your uh expenses here, I'm sure we can work that out once a uh complete audit of the business is done.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_03: Remember when we had uh the ventriloquist on the show?
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, I think it was the ventriloquist and and the her puppet, no, it wasn't a sock puppet, but it her uh her dummy, she kept referring to him as like uh the cousin of Wayne Newton.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_04: He was Dwayne Newton, Wayne Newton's Dwayne Wayne Newton's little known cousin, yes.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I didn't I didn't want to depress you, Steve, but I uh we got a a letter from the attorney of Wayne Newton, and he's actually suing us uh for 25 million dollars because he thought that we did not present Mr.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_03: Newton in the most positive way, and you know, we reach millions of people, and and I didn't even realize he was still alive, but I guess he is, and sounds like he wants a lot of money.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, but that shouldn't be a problem now now that we have uh Taylor Swift like money, right?
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, with the amount of times you have said Taylor Swift now, I am slightly more uncomfortable, just verifying.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: So you have a ventriloquist suing you for 25 million dollars.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, yeah, it's confusing, but if you could just write the check, that would be great.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it turns out that Mr.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: Rich has um rethought uh this agreement and he may want to uh stay away from the uh entertainment field.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: I I you know I think at this point Mr.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: Rich will pass on your business and he will give you your name back.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: He is a generous man, though, so uh feel free to use the commercial and the joke anytime you want.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: Does not necessarily have to be on this show.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_02: If you want it to be on the show, you can make it on this show.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_02: But I believe we will uh be running away from this building that he is now referred to as a money pit, which is amazing for a man of his wealth.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: And you gentlemen, have a nice day.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_03: Before you leave, though, is there a chance we could get one of those sock puppets?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_03: Those would be great, Steve.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, maybe two of them.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, oh, that'd be great.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you so much for letting us use that joke because yeah, we may use it on the show, but I'm thinking maybe I'd work up a stand-up routine for my trip to the Kremlin and knock him dead with that joke at the Kremlin, I bet, wouldn't I?
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: But thanks for being on the show, Mr.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: Rich's sock puppet.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: Please lose all of my contact information as quickly as possible.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_04: No problem, no problem.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_04: But you know, you and Mr.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_04: Rich are always welcome as listeners, and uh, please subscribe and follow the Steve and Jeff show because we'll be using you some of your material.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_04: You can listen for it, huh?
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I am sure there will be no litigation in the future for you for that.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_04: That is a beautiful thing.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_04: Uh gentleman.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_04: Johnny, take us out of this show.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_04: Right, Steve?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_04: What do you get for the man who owns everything?
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_04: Well, we got Mr.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_04: Rich something we know he doesn't have: a free two-week trip to Port au Prince Haiti, where he can dine on partially predigested Scotch bonnet peakleys and can join rescue efforts if there are poor people to take money from.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_04: All from our friends at Big D Travel.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_04: If it's close to free, it's from Big D.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_04: And of course, he receives the home version of the Stephen Jeff Show with genuine simulated semi-precious metal pieces.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_04: This has been a Stalin grad school production in association with Chekhov's Gun Media.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_04: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_04: This is Johnny speaking.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_04: I'm happy that I don't work for Mr.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_04: Rich, and even happier that Steve's mom has an incasive gin coming soon.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_04: Party time! I may hang out at her house forever.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that reminds me, I need to get a stocking cap to keep little baby Stevie's head warm.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_04: Good night.