Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / #HURDLEMOMENT: How to Have Tough Conversations

Transcript

#HURDLEMOMENT: How to Have Tough Conversations · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

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  Speaker 1: We all have hurdles in life, and we are all
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  Speaker 1: strong enough to get over them and emerge victorious on
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  Speaker 1: the other side. Hey Handler's Emily a body here with
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  Speaker 1: a new episode of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where
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  Speaker 1: I sit down with inspiring individuals to talk about everything
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  Speaker 1: from their big wins to how they've gotten through some
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  Speaker 1: of life's toughest moments. For Hurdle Moment this week, I
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  Speaker 1: am chatting all about the best ways to handle any
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  Speaker 1: important conversation. Now I am not saying I have all
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  Speaker 1: the secrets on lock, but the reality is is that
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  Speaker 1: some of the most tough discussions that we need to have,
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  Speaker 1: whether they be personal or professional in nature, they're also
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  Speaker 1: some of the most critical or pivotal. Especially as I've
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  Speaker 1: grown my business over the last few years, I've learned
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  Speaker 1: just how important it is to be your own advocate.
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  Speaker 1: So when it comes to these big combos, you owe
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  Speaker 1: it to yourself to go into them with a bit
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  Speaker 1: of a game plan. And that's why I've got you back.
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  Speaker 1: Been getting a lot of great feedback on this week's
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  Speaker 1: Hurdle episode with the co founders of Beam, Matt Lombardi
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  Speaker 1: and Kevin Moran, as I mentioned in the injart of
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  Speaker 1: that episode. After recording near the end of last year,
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  Speaker 1: we realized that we really aligned in our values and
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  Speaker 1: just our hopes for the direction of the wellness industry,
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  Speaker 1: and we really vibe. And that's why Beam came on
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  Speaker 1: this quarter to sponsor the Hurdle Moment series. In this
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  Speaker 1: week's episode, Kevin talked about how the formula that would
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  Speaker 1: become there, the One Tincture, literally changed his life and
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  Speaker 1: helped him overcome a long battle he had with nasty
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  Speaker 1: migraine headaches that he saw so many physicians trying to
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  Speaker 1: figure out what was going on. I have been taking
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  Speaker 1: it myself right before I head out the door lately
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  Speaker 1: before a busy day, and I personally just feel a
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  Speaker 1: little less on edge and more calm about what's on
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  Speaker 1: my plate. They are offering Hurdle listeners a really awesome deal.
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  Speaker 1: It's fifteen percent off your purchase over at their website
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  Speaker 1: beam TLC dot com using the code Hurdle at checkout. Again,
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  Speaker 1: head on over to BEAMTLC dot com use the code
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  Speaker 1: Hurdle at checkout for fifteen percent off as usual at
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  Speaker 1: Emily Abodi at Hurdle podcast on Instagram and Twitter. I'm
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  Speaker 1: headed down to the Olympic Marathon trials today, so if
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  Speaker 1: you're going to be in Atlanta over the weekend, I
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  Speaker 1: have a few events that I'll be hosting at the
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  Speaker 1: Brooks Hyperiod House. I'd love to see you there. For
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  Speaker 1: more details on all of that, click on over into
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  Speaker 1: the episode description. You can always reach me over email.
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  Speaker 1: It's Emily at hurdle dot us if you have a
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  Speaker 1: hurdle moment of your own, or you have a story
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  Speaker 1: to share, and I think that's it with that, let's
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  Speaker 1: get to hurdling. I hate confrontation. I mean, okay, I
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  Speaker 1: guess for the most part, who wouldn't rather have a calm,
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  Speaker 1: even keeled conversation where all parties are expressing their feelings
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  Speaker 1: without anger or sadness or extreme emotion, right I digress.
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  Speaker 1: Of course, it doesn't always happen like that. Important conversations though,
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  Speaker 1: they need to happen. And so today for hurdle moment,
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  Speaker 1: I'm talking you through the simple strategies that I have implemented,
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  Speaker 1: especially over the last few years, to handle them with care.
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  Speaker 1: My first strategy, know what you want out of it.
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  Speaker 1: This is probably one of the best pieces of advice
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  Speaker 1: that I have ever been offered, and it was from
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  Speaker 1: my cousin. Actually, we were sitting at a bar on
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  Speaker 1: twenty fourth Street and Third Avenue in Manhattan, and I
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  Speaker 1: was talking to him about a situation that I was
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  Speaker 1: dealing with at one of my first jobs in New York.
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  Speaker 1: I had decided that I was going to leave the
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  Speaker 1: job and needed to have that oh so fun conversation
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  Speaker 1: with my boss. So he asked me, what are you
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  Speaker 1: stressing out about? And I said, I'm so determined to
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  Speaker 1: make sure that I leave this conversation. I leave this
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  Speaker 1: job on good terms. And I go into this conversation
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  Speaker 1: knowing that there is no wiggle room that I know
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  Speaker 1: I need to leave. My mind is made up and
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  Speaker 1: again to leave on good terms. And he said to me, well,
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  Speaker 1: if that's what you want, then you need to go
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  Speaker 1: into the conversation knowing that you need to know what
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  Speaker 1: your goal is with the conversation. Once you have that,
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  Speaker 1: you can work backward and think about the things that
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  Speaker 1: you can say in this conversation to get to where
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  Speaker 1: you want to be. And I just thought that was
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  Speaker 1: so smart. By really mapping this out, I was able
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  Speaker 1: to approach the conversation with open, honest attitude, ltimately get
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  Speaker 1: out of it exactly what it was that I expressed
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  Speaker 1: to my cousin that I had wanted. So yeah, I
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  Speaker 1: use this tactic all the time in both my professional
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  Speaker 1: and my personal life. I will be the first to admit,
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  Speaker 1: especially when it comes to romantic relationships, that it is
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  Speaker 1: a hard muscle to flex. But whether it is with
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  Speaker 1: a partner or with a friend, or in business or
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  Speaker 1: with a family member, by thinking bigger picture and taking
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  Speaker 1: a step back, you have the opportunity at a better
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  Speaker 1: outcome for all parties involved. Again, know what you want
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  Speaker 1: out of the conversation, and that way you can act
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  Speaker 1: with clearer intention. The second tip to handling important conversations listen.
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  Speaker 1: I think it was Larry King who once said, I
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  Speaker 1: remind myself every morning. Nothing I say at this day
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  Speaker 1: will teach me anything. If I'm going to learn, I
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  Speaker 1: must do it by listening. It's true he has a point.
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  Speaker 1: You must be willing to listen and to be quiet
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  Speaker 1: if you want to have a productive conversation. No successful
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  Speaker 1: dialogue between two or more people happens when one person
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  Speaker 1: gets to give all of their feelings and the other
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  Speaker 1: or others get to offer none. Now, I think this
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  Speaker 1: is a great place to point out that there is
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  Speaker 1: certainly a difference between hearing someone and just listening to someone.
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  Speaker 1: I feel as though all the time we hear people
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  Speaker 1: say I hear you, I hear you. But what I
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  Speaker 1: want to know is are you really listening? Are you digesting?
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  Speaker 1: Are you then able to take action based on the
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  Speaker 1: words that someone is saying, or are you just letting
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  Speaker 1: it glaze over? I think a lot of the time
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  Speaker 1: there are distractions that keep us from being fully present
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  Speaker 1: in our conversations and fully listening. But we owe it
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  Speaker 1: to ourselves to truly show up, especially in these moments
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  Speaker 1: of intense conversation, to get to a place again that
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  Speaker 1: benefits both parties. The third tip be kind. This has
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  Speaker 1: been probably the biggest, most wonderful lesson and value that
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  Speaker 1: I've come to abide by over the past few years.
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  Speaker 1: If there is anything that I see each and every day,
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  Speaker 1: it is that so many people around me are running
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  Speaker 1: around from point A to point B, to point C
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  Speaker 1: to point D, and we are just not taking enough
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  Speaker 1: time to pause and have a genuine connection or say
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  Speaker 1: nice things to each other. Just the other day, I
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  Speaker 1: held the door open for four different women walking in
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  Speaker 1: and out of rent the runway, and the woman working
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  Speaker 1: right at the front of the store. She looked at
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  Speaker 1: me and she said, you are doing God's work. Is
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  Speaker 1: it really that much of an anomaly for someone to
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  Speaker 1: treat other people with that little amount of kindness as
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  Speaker 1: to open a door? Oh? No, matter how important a
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  Speaker 1: conversation is, if you approach it with kindness, then you're
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  Speaker 1: already opening the door to greater possibility. You're already meeting
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  Speaker 1: someone with compassion, even if that other person is coming
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  Speaker 1: to you from a negative space. And man, this is
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  Speaker 1: something that I feel as though I've been dealing with
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  Speaker 1: so much lately, something that I'm definitely planning to record
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  Speaker 1: a separate hurdle moment on how to deal with negative people.
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  Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you all and know if
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  Speaker 1: that's something that you're interested in. But I think it's
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  Speaker 1: important for me to remind you that negative people or
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  Speaker 1: someone approaching a situation with a negative outlook, oftentimes they
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  Speaker 1: are dealing with something on their own terms that has
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  Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. So when someone approaches you
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  Speaker 1: with anger or if they are trolling you, God, I
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  Speaker 1: have been there then there is something or someone that
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  Speaker 1: hurt them and made them feel as though they cannot
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  Speaker 1: be transparent or vulnerable with the world around them, and
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  Speaker 1: so they claw at you instead because they don't want
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  Speaker 1: to get hurt and it is so much easier to
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  Speaker 1: dig into somebody else. Let me tell you, I know
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  Speaker 1: it sucks to be on the receiving end of that,
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  Speaker 1: and no one deserves that anger. So that is why
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  Speaker 1: I encourage you to be the bigger person, to show
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  Speaker 1: up to all of your conversation, including the important ones,
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  Speaker 1: with openness and a desire to listen. When you treat
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  Speaker 1: people with grace in your approach, that is when true
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  Speaker 1: progress can be made. And the last tip to handling
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  Speaker 1: any important conversation is to have it. So often we
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  Speaker 1: put off things because we are scared or nervous. We
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  Speaker 1: don't want to hurt someone, we're scared of things changing,
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  Speaker 1: we don't want to step outside of our comfort zone.
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  Speaker 1: But real talk, until you have a conversation that's been
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  Speaker 1: boiling at you, that's been bugging you, that's been eating
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  Speaker 1: you up inside, it's just kind of keep doing that.
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  Speaker 1: So I want you to ask yourself, is there someone
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  Speaker 1: that I need to have some words with. Maybe it's
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  Speaker 1: a toxic friend, Maybe it's an awkward situation in your office.
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  Speaker 1: Perhaps you're in a situationship that you just need to
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  Speaker 1: get out of. Again. You cannot control exactly how someone
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  Speaker 1: is going to react, but what you can do is
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  Speaker 1: approach these conversations using these simple strategies to ultimately make
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  Speaker 1: it easier on you and hopefully find a more desirable outcome.
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  Speaker 1: You owe it to yourself to have the tough conversations
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  Speaker 1: because you are worthy of that investment. If you're struggling
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  Speaker 1: to show up to have these types of talks, I'm
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  Speaker 1: here to hear about it. Reach out to me. It's
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  Speaker 1: Emily at hurdle dot us. Always connect with the podcast
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  Speaker 1: on Instagram and Twitter at Hurdle Podcast. And remember, we
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  Speaker 1: all have hurdles in life, and we are all strong
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  Speaker 1: enough to get over them and emerge victorious on the
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  Speaker 1: other side, another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.