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153. Occasionally Remarkable · Impact Ready

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Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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Hello team, hope you're having an awesome Monday.
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Welcome to the show. I just recently celebrated my
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8th wedding anniversary with my wife.
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Our actually anniversary was actually yesterday, Sunday.
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And so that's really exciting. We always had this joke together
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of the about the seven-year itch.
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Everybody always talks about that.
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And now that we're through the 7th year, I looked at her
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yesterday and I said, you know, we got through it.
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I didn't get itchy. In fact we just got like
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stickier. I just got clingier too.
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She's like, yeah, I don't have to worry too much about you
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getting itchy. So that's really fun.
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I love being able to celebrate every year that we get to spend
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together. And it has me thinking about
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life and marriage and relationships and what makes for
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a good life, what makes for good moments together with our
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people, whether it's your spouse or maybe just your friends and
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your family or your kids or your chosen family, whoever it is
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like what makes times good? What makes a year a good year?
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What makes moments unforgettable and, and memories really locked
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into your cells and into your body.
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And so today in this episode, I want to talk about that.
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I want to talk about what makes peak moments in our life, What
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makes the occasionally remarkable moment in our lives
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that we remember, that really sticks out to us in our minds
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and and makes all the sort of mundane things in life totally
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worth it. I want you to imagine your life
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as if it were a graph and imagine that there's a straight
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line running from left to right that indicates a baseline of
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activity, of experience. And then your actual lifeline is
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like a wave. So a wave sign.
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Some of your experiences are below the baseline.
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Those would be considered negative experiences.
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Sometimes the wave goes above the line and those are positive
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experiences. Everybody's life graph looks a
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little different and everybody's life has pits and peaks.
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Pits being those really big drops underneath the baseline.
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Those are those hard, challenging, perceived negative
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experiences. And then there will also be peak
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moments, moments that go way above the baseline in a positive
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way. And those are the moments that
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are the truly unforgettable moments.
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I often ask my clients about their peak moments because there
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are certain things in their psyche, certain values hidden
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there with that experience and and other characteristics that
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make that moment peak that give you a lot of insight into that
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person when you ask what were the peak moments in your life?
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But in general, for most people, a lot of life is a series of
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mundane moments with those occasional moments that our peak
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and those are the ones we remember.
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But you know, a lot of days we're just going through our
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day. We're doing a lot of the same
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similar things. We're getting ready for work,
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we're doing the house chores, we're getting kids ready, we're
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going to work. We're doing the same types of
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things at the office. We're taking the same types of
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calls, we're dealing with the like daily challenges of traffic
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and humans and, and those types of things.
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And it's not a bad thing. It's just that this is part of
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our existence in the world. In the book The Power of
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Moments, which is a book that I've talked about before, the
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authors are Chip and Dan Heath, and they describe a mantra about
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great service experiences and they describe it as mostly
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forgettable and occasionally remarkable.
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And that's to describe that for most experiences that you have
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in the service industry, it's forgettable.
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And it should be because when you are getting a service, you
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don't want to be having a lot of pits and peaks.
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You want to be having a pretty easy forgettable experience.
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That means, like, if you go to a hotel, everything's sort of as
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it should be. It's sort of similar to your
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home, and it's easy and you're not having to think a lot about
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it. And yeah, there might be some
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peak experiences thrown in there, like, oh, you know,
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these, this is a really nice aesthetic, or they have a great
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restaurant or whatever it might be.
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Oh, the service is really exceptional.
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But what you don't want are a lot of pits.
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You don't want a lot of hardship.
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You don't want a lot of things going wrong.
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That would be a really bad thing in the service industry.
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So the mantra is mostly forgettable and occasionally
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remarkable. And I think about this in life.
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I think about how a lot of our life is mostly forgettable and
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occasionally remarkable. And again, this is not a bad
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thing. It's just sort of the way it is.
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It's it's the way that we as humans function.
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We create systems in our brain to make things kind of
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automatic. And because they're automatic,
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we don't think about them a lot. They don't stand out a lot.
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And we have occasionally remarkable moments.
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Those are the moments that are really fantastic with friends.
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We go to great parties or we have an awesome opportunity.
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We get to speak on stage or have a great encounter with somebody
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by chance. Those are the occasionally
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remarkable moments. But it strikes me that when
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we're thinking about our lives and having an impactful life and
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try to create intentional, powerful, positive influence,
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what we don't do so often is intentionally create the peak
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moments. We don't plan for them.
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We don't do them on purpose. So the occasionally remarkable
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becomes less and less frequent, more occasional, when really
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what we could be doing is being intentional about it, about
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planning them, putting them on the calendar, dreaming them up,
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and then starting to invest time and energy and resources into
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bringing them to life. And we just don't do it very
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often. I mean, some people are really
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great at it. Some people are not.
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And they're wondering why. Most of the time they're walking
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around saying, yeah, you know, I have a good life, but I wouldn't
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say I feel a lot of joy or I wouldn't say I feel a lot of
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fulfillment. And you look at them and you
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say, but man, on paper your life looks so good.
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This your life is amazing. Like you have a lot of life
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wealth. You have great relationships,
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you have a great spouse, you have a great home, you have a
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great job, you have great kids. Like you have so much wealth in
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your life. But you're telling me that your
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life is so mundane and you don't feel a lot of joy and you're not
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fulfilled. And a lot of times it's because
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they don't have peak moments. They don't have things that are
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occasionally remarkable in their life because they don't plan for
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them. They don't take the horse by the
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reins and get that stuff on the calendar and invest time and
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energy into it. And does it take a little more
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energy? Yeah, it does.
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It does take more time and investment and energy to think
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of something that would be peak in your life, whether it's some
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sort of athletic endeavor or a trip or an an conference or
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retreat or an opportunity with friends.
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Does that stuff take energy? Yeah.
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You have to plan it, you have to organize it, you have to save
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for it, etcetera, etcetera. Hell yeah.
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But are those the moments that you remember?
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Yes, yes. Those are the moments you
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remember when the rest can be pretty unforgettable if you
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think about your life and the trajectory of your life.
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Even, for example, when you were a kid growing up and you were
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going through school, elementary school, middle school, high
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school, college, you had some pretty orchestrated, planned
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peak moments that are really common.
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You had graduation, you had prom, you had athletic games,
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you had various academic achievements that were thrown in
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there. Things of that nature that made
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your childhood and your school experience have peak moments,
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moments that were occasionally remarkable.
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I played basketball from 3rd grade to senior year pretty
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competitively, so I was practicing most days.
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And what do I remember? Well, most of my basketball
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memories are of the games, the peak moments in a cycle of often
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mundane days of practices, and then of course, the occasional
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unforgettable practice, like when my teammate Lena showed up
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17 minutes late to a 6:00 AM practice and we had to run a set
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of lines for every minute someone was late.
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I definitely remember that practice.
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That practice is burned into my brain.
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But for the most part, I remember the games, and not even
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all games. I remember specific games,
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moments in games, experiences with my teammates, but I don't
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remember the practices. And I probably had thousands of
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practices. We have the ability to plan for
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peak moments. We have the ability to create
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the occasionally remarkable experience that you or other
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people will always remember. It's why we do so much of what
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we do. It's why we plan a lot of
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things. We have this friend, her name is
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Stacy, and she's a pretty incredible athlete, just has a
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natural ability for it. She took up training for
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triathlons a couple years ago, kind of on a whim, it seemed.
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But all of us were like, oh, yeah, of course this makes
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sense. Stacy's training for triathlon,
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she's going to crush it. And of course, it turned into
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her doing a couple of incredible triathlon races where she was
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one of the top finishers. But I would watch her posting
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about her training schedule day after day, week after week.
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I saw her putting in the hours the early mornings.
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I'd watch her meal prep videos online, eating the same meals
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over and over again, getting up at ungodly hours to go get in
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the pool and then do the bike and then do a run.
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To most people, this is a pretty mundane life.
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The same type of days, the same grueling training hours, early
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wake ups, conservative bedtimes. And then I watched her play
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second in a huge triathlon race that she did.
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And I thought to myself, damn, she built that.
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It was a huge accomplishment. She hadn't been doing it that
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long. She did this massive race and
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got second. And I was, I was, I remember
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watching this online and I'm thinking, God, that is so
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incredible. Like she intentionally planned
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and built that peak moment in her life.
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And that's one that she'll probably never forget.
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She might forget about all the other trainings that she did,
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all the early mornings, the mundane moments.
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But she's not going to forget standing on that podium, placing
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second in this awesome race or the adrenaline from that moment
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or the race day itself. I mean, I wouldn't forget that
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it's, it's about peak moments. It's why my kids dig this thing
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they called biz town in in elementary school where the kids
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get to go off site to a place where they set up a mini town
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and all of the kids take on roles.
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So some of the kids are real estate agents or doctors or
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accountants or cinema owners or grocery store owners or bankers
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and they play the game of business.
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And the kids know that this is happening.
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They they look forward to it all through elementary school and
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they talk about Biz Town until they get to do it in fifth
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grade. It's just a huge highlight of
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their year. In fact, they still reference
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it. But essentially what the
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teachers have created is this peak moment that they get to do
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to break up a series of somewhat forgettable moments during a
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school year. There's a guy named Jesse
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Eitzler. He's married to Sarah Blakely,
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who is the owner and founder of Spanx, and he's a really
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successful businessman of his own right.
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But he often talks about doing one hard challenge per year.
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He says he takes inspiration from this ancient Japanese
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tradition called misogi. And Jesse's modern day
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interpretation is to do something so hard once a year
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that it has an impact on the other 364 days of the year.
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And so he intentionally chooses something to do every year.
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He plans for it. He trains for it, and he creates
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an occasionally remarkable moment on purpose, a peak
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moment, one that impacts the rest of his year.
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And I think you can really apply this to any realm of your life.
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You know, marriage is a great example.
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I think a lot of people struggle in their marriages because they
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feel mundane. A graph of somebody's marriage
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might look like a pretty straight baseline, and the wave
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line of their marriage can be fairly neutral with small little
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dips below and then small increases above the baseline.
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So like negative positive experience, but nothing too
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extreme, just a series of small experiences.
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Now clearly you can't have a happy marriage when there are a
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lot of pits, like deep holes in the wave, perceived negative
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experiences. At that point, it doesn't matter
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if you have a lot of peaks, extraordinary moments, because
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the pits take precedence. They're necessary to take care
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of first. You can't just ignore all the
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things that are not going well in your relationship, or worse,
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going tragically wrong in the pursuit of just trying to
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delight somebody or distract them from the cracks, serious
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cracks that you might have in the foundation of your marriage.
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But assume that a marriage is fairly solidly built and your
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wavelength line is primarily stable.
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Just some, you know, ups and downs like everybody else.
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Maybe some big pits that come from just being a human in this
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life. So those big dips below the
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baseline, but nothing catastrophic in terms of the
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marriage. This is when you have an
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opportunity to plan for the occasionally remarkable.
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Like I said, I'm celebrating 8 years of marriage with my wife
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and we don't have a perfect marriage by any means, but we
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work really hard at being intentional about planning for
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peak moments, about planning for celebrations.
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We celebrate a lot. One of our wedding vows to each
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other was to plan some sort of a trip or getaway once a month.
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And this could be 24 hours. It could be, you know, a, a
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getaway of some kind. And we're not perfect with it,
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but we've worked really hard at doing that.
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So that we're intentional about planning for the occasionally
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remarkable about planning the peak moments in A few days ago,
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she asked me, what's something that really stuck out to you
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about Year 7? And I get excited about a lot of
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things, so I have a lot of peak moments in my life.
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Naturally, I'm just excitable. But I told her that our trip to
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Tulum in April was really peak for me.
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We'd never been there. I had just started chemotherapy
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treatments. My oncologist said we could go.
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We love Mexico, and it was just kind of a magical trip.
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Everybody was so loving and kind.
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Everything just worked out for us.
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We met some amazing people there who've turned into friends.
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We just had a lovely time. We got to relax and play and be
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in the ocean and I just love being in the ocean and having my
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bare feet in the sand. So Tulum was it like that was
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just a peak moment for me in Year 7.
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And I asked her what was one of her peak moments and she told me
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that it was this Vintage Culture concert we went to.
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Vintage Culture is a DJ and we go to a lot of different shows
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because we love music. So we've been to a lot of DJ
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shows in the last year. It's one of the things that we
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love to do together, one of the things that we intentionally
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plan to create, the occasionally remarkable moment.
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We invest time and money and energy into planning those
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things. But this one stuck out to her
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for other reasons. This show was in a really cool
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warehouse. It was in Arizona and it was so
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cool because they had turned this warehouse into this full
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experience for people, for adults to come and play.
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It wasn't just the stage and the lights and speakers.
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It was all kinds of old cars that they turned into
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experiences. You could climb all over them
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and and get into the buses and the cars that they had.
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Read on. There were art installations,
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there were oversized like Alice in Wonderland furniture.
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There were huge hula hoops. There was cornhole.
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It was just so fun and we felt like kids that night.
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Not only did we have a great time watching the show and we
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loved the music and we met amazing fun people that have
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also now turned into friends, but we got to play.
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And that show really stuck out to her because it was an
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occasionally remarkable moment. It was different than the rest.
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So my question to you this week is, how are you planning for the
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occasionally remarkable? How are you intentionally
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creating moments that will feel different than all the rest,
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that will break up the mundane, that will inspire some
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creativity and joy and excitement into your life?
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Just infuse you with a shot of aliveness and excitement in
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life. Like that's what we're looking
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for. That's what makes us feel alive.
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And how are you planning for it? Because a lot of times we don't.
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We don't think about it. And then years go by and we're
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like, huh, I wonder why I didn't have more fun in my 30s?
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I wonder why I didn't have more fun in my 40s.
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And what is the difference between those that do and those
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that don't? And I think it's all within our
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own hands. It's within our own choices and
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our own radical ownership of our experiences and our time.
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So what could you do this week or this month to plan for that
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and think about, yes, I want to create some occasionally
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remarkable moments with my people.
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That's the power of a moment and how it can create a huge impact
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in your life and in the lives of so many other people around you.
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So that's my question to you, and I'm going to leave it right
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there. Hopefully you have some good
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answers already coming up for you.
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I think there's a lot of potential to do something like
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that even this week. I mean, this week, first week of
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November, let's go. Let's bring it on.
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Let's create a peak moment in the first week of November.
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Get after it, team. Thank you for being here and for
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listening. As always, if you have not yet
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signed up for the Impact Effect, it's my bi monthly newsletter.
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I send it out twice a month. Just a little more inspiration,
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a little more coaching. Stay connected to me.
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I love this community and I appreciate you being a part of
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it. So sign up for that at my
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website, stephsaffer.com. I hope that you have an awesome
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week, that you have something happening that is peak this week
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and I will be with you in another episode on Thursday.
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Thank you for being here and as always, thank you for being
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ready to impact. Thanks for listening to Impact
19:59
Ready. I hope today's episode inspired
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you to own your impact and recognize.
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That you. Are powerful.
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By elevating our energy and awareness, we can create
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exponential change in this life. If you enjoyed today's insights,
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share them with a friend and subscribe to the show for more.
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I truly appreciate you. Thanks again for being here.