Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 377. 5 tools to quickly stop yourself from spiralling

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377. 5 tools to quickly stop yourself from spiralling · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful Bens, and welcome to the podcast episode
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: of Today. So in today's episode, we are talking about
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: five things to do when you feel like you are spiraling. Now,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: this can be applied to any kind of emotional spiral.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: It could be when there's multiple things that are stacked
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: up and you're just in general overwhelmed and you're finding
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: it really difficult to deal with even the smaller tasks
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: that normally.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Wouldn't be so consuming.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: It could be if you're spiraling about some emotional thing
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: that has happened to you, whether it be within your
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: relationships romantically or with friends, any kind of spiraling and
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: what you can do in that moment to alleviate how
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: you are feeling. And these five things that I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to offer you, I mean, whether you do just one,
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  Speaker 1: ideally all of them, you will notice some relief and
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: in some cases you will notice total relief, because, like
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: many things, we kind of trick ourselves into thinking that
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  Speaker 1: the only way we're going to feel better.
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  Speaker 2: Is if this is resolved. But that is not true.
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  Speaker 1: You can feel so much better about something while something
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: is still unresolved and you can be working on it
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: on the side. It could be something that you don't
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: have the power to resolve, and you don't want to
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: feel like you can't feel good until that thing is resolved.
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  Speaker 1: So you're going to notice that by doing these things,
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  Speaker 1: you're going to feel better. And ironically, the better you feel,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: the easier it is to resolve those things that are
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  Speaker 1: within your control, just because based on your mood, it's
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: going to affect how you approach that thing, how you
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  Speaker 1: choose to deal with it, how you choose to resolve it,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: and all of the above. Okay, so this is going
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: to be a very hopefully a very practical episode.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: You can really use these tools straight away.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: And the reason I'm talking about this is because I've,
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  Speaker 1: like I would imagine most people that listen to this
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: episode had these moments of spiraling, but I actually had
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: one quite recently, and it.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Was so funny because we're not but it.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Was over just so many small things happening at the
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: same time, so it wasn't like there was this one
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: major event that was making me feel so frustrated. But
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  Speaker 1: I was so overwhelmed and I was so in what
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I was doing without getting perspective or stepping away, that
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: I was like on the verge of tears, and when
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I step back now and look at it, it's like,
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  Speaker 1: it's so amazing how we can psych ourselves into these.
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  Speaker 2: Crazy states where it feels like there's like I can't
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  Speaker 2: scape it. I can't scape it.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: And then it just requires doing one or all of
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: these five steps, and you realize, Wow, there's so much
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: I can be doing for my mood, and I can
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  Speaker 1: feel so much better in the span of just a
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  Speaker 1: couple of hours or even by tomorrow morning, I'm feeling
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: like a brain new person.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Okay, So that's what we're talking about today. Love that
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: so much for all of us.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: The brain fact, which we're gonna get straight into right now,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: we are talking about can consuming more nuts as in
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: nuts the like that you can eat, not having more
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: nutcases in your life? Can consuming more nuts be beneficial
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  Speaker 1: for your depression okay, or with mood disorders, but in
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: particular depression. So this basically comes from information around the
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: link between vitamin B deficiencies and neurological problems and mood disorders,
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  Speaker 1: because a lot of nuts are quite high in vitamin B.
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  Speaker 2: Among other things that are really really good for your brain.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, I remember watching a documentary you don't even know
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  Speaker 1: what it was called ages Ago, ages Ago, and it
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  Speaker 1: was talking about how simply a handful of cashews can
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  Speaker 1: actually do wonders for people's depression, more so than certain antidepressants,
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: depending on the individual, obviously, because every single individual experiences
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: antidepressants differently.
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  Speaker 2: But let's talk about it.
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  Speaker 1: So basically, vitamin B deficiency can have really really strong
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  Speaker 1: effects on the brain, like major and depending how deficient
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: you are will depend on how severe these impacts are
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: on the brain. And it also depends which vitamin B
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  Speaker 1: you are deficient in, Okay, but generally vitamin B deficiencies
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  Speaker 1: can manifest in mood changes, so we see depression, anxiety, irritability,
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  Speaker 1: and this is seen across like several different kinds of
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  Speaker 1: vitamin B deficiencies because you've got B twelve, you know,
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  Speaker 1: B one blah blah blah blah. Because these vitamins are
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  Speaker 1: really important for producing and regulating neurotransmitters, such as things
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  Speaker 1: like serotonin, which is like a mood transmit mood regulating
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  Speaker 1: trans neurotransmitter, dopamine GABBA, which is our major excitatory neurotransmitter.
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  Speaker 1: It's also vitamin BAT deficient deficiencies are also related to
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  Speaker 1: fatigue and brain fogs, So mental fatigue where you really
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: struggle to concentrate, where you feel sluggish, and also increased
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  Speaker 1: risk of cognitive disorders. So this is if you have
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  Speaker 1: long term vitamin bad deficiencies, in particular B twelve and
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: in particular fold late, which I've spoken about brain fact before,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: about the link between folate and neural tube defects in babies.
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  Speaker 1: That's actually linked to a high risk of neurodegeneration and
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer's and dementia. Okay, So let's
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: talk about an article that was published. So this article
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  Speaker 1: published in the Clinical Nutrition Journal, and the title of
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: that article is called nut consumption is associated with a
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: lower risk of depression in adults, a prospective analysis with
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  Speaker 1: data from the UK Biobank cohort. It basically talks about
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  Speaker 1: how eating just thirty grams of nuts, and it's across
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  Speaker 1: a range of nuts as well, every single day is
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  Speaker 1: associated with a seventeen percent lower risk of depression, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: and that's significant. Seventeen percent is a significant you know,
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  Speaker 1: and then especially if you tie that into other live
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  Speaker 1: stuff factors as well, that you can be doing, you
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  Speaker 1: can really be reducing your risk of developing depression in
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: your life. So basically there was all this data that
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  Speaker 1: was analyzed from the UK Biobank from around half a
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: million citizens from the UK and they examined more than
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: in this particular like body of work. They were examining
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  Speaker 1: around thirteen thousand middle aged and older people. The average
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: age was around fifty eight years and this study was
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: this was the data is analyzed between the years of
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: two thousand and seven and twenty twenty okay, So participants
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  Speaker 1: were given questionnaires to measure their nut intake and across
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: this study they were also looking at depression symptoms or
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: antidepressant use as well. Now, the results showed that middle
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  Speaker 1: aged and older adults who ate thirty grands of nuts
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  Speaker 1: and these included almonds, walnuts, cashews, hazel nuts, pistachios and
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  Speaker 1: brazil nuts every single day had decreased likelihood of developing
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  Speaker 1: depression or.
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  Speaker 2: Of taking antidepressants okay.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: And they discovered that this was the result across the
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  Speaker 1: board even when you factor in co founding variables and
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: things like that. So when you factor in things like
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  Speaker 1: medical issues, lifestyle, other things that could impact for you, know,
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: causing men to health problems. So you already calculate for that,
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  Speaker 1: and you're still seeing seventeen percent reduction or less likelihood
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  Speaker 1: of developing depression. Okay, So let's go through some of
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  Speaker 1: these vitamins so you get a better idea of what
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  Speaker 1: exactly it is that happens. So number one, we've got
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  Speaker 1: vitamin B one, also known as thymein, and deficiencies with
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  Speaker 1: B one are cognitive impairment. So this is memory loss, confusion,
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  Speaker 1: difficulty concentrating, and something called Wernechy or vernarchy corsicoff syndrome.
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  Speaker 2: So this is a neurological disorder.
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  Speaker 1: Often associated with alcohol abuse, where this thymein deficiency will
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: damage brain regions involved in memory and motor control. Okay,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: so difficulty walking, memory, hallucinations, things like that. You're also
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: going to get fatigue and irritability if you're deficient in
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  Speaker 1: vitamin B one vitamin B six deficiency, this is mood disorders, okay,
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  Speaker 1: because B six is very important for the synthesis of
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  Speaker 1: neurotransmitters such as serotonin dope I mean, among other ones.
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  Speaker 1: And so if you have a deficiency vitamin B six,
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  Speaker 1: then this could cause depression and anxiety as well as irritability,
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  Speaker 1: and then of course cognitive decline, in particular in older adults.
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  Speaker 2: Then we've got vitamin B nine, which is folate.
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  Speaker 1: So of course, like I mentioned before, this is neural
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  Speaker 1: tube defects in infants. So if you don't have enough
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  Speaker 1: folate during the development of the fetus, that can lead
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  Speaker 1: to the brain and spinal cord not developing properly, which
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  Speaker 1: could lead to neural tube defects, one of them being
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  Speaker 1: spina bifitter, which I've spoken about in the past.
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  Speaker 2: Depression.
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  Speaker 1: Folate plays a really big role in mood regulation because
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  Speaker 1: it again supports the production of serotonin, and then cognitive
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  Speaker 1: decline and dementia, and.
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  Speaker 2: Then vitamin B twelve memory loss. If you have a
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  Speaker 2: deficiency B twelve, you've got memory loss.
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  Speaker 1: And the reason for this memory loss is because vitamin
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  Speaker 1: B twelve or deficiencies in vitamin B twelve actually affect
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  Speaker 1: the milin sheath, which I've spoken about a thousand times,
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  Speaker 1: and that is kind of the insulation. These like fatty
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  Speaker 1: sheaths that wrap around the axon of your neuron. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: and if you have damage to the milin sheath, then
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: you're not getting proper insulation of those fibers, and that
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  Speaker 1: disrupts or slows down transmission signals between cells between neurons,
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  Speaker 1: and that could severely impact your memory, among other neurological processes.
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  Speaker 1: Then we've got dementia like symptoms, confusion, disorientation, things that
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  Speaker 1: resemble dementia. And then depression and fatigue because B twelve
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  Speaker 1: is really important for brain energy production. Okay, so if
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  Speaker 1: you have a deficiency and that, then yes, depressive symptoms,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: but you're also going to be fatigued. And when you're
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: depressed and fatigued, that also can lead to a lot
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: of irritability as well. So you need to basically be
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  Speaker 1: ensuring that you are consuming enough vitamin B. Nuts are
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  Speaker 1: a very great source, you know, all the nuts that
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  Speaker 1: I mentioned for walnuts, cashews, pistachios.
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  Speaker 2: Things like that.
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  Speaker 1: If you are not sure if you have enough vitamin
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  Speaker 1: B in your diet, then there's no harm in supplementing
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: with vitamin B. Okay, and the different ranges of vitamin
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  Speaker 1: B as well, so I just mentioned just a few
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  Speaker 1: of them just now. But nuts also contain phytochemicals, which
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: are associated with anti inflammatory and antioxidant properties. So that's
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: another reason why nuts are so good for your mental health.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: So just start eating a small handful of nuts every
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  Speaker 1: single day. You can mix the nuts, the range of nuts,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: and it is going to do wonders for your brain. Okay,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: even if you're not depressed, eat some fucking nuts. Many
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: good things going on there. Okay, that is the brain
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  Speaker 1: factor of today. Let's get straight into five steps. If
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: you are spoilerling, we've all been there, We've all spiraled.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: How the fuck do you stop spiraling? Number one is
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: stop suppressing it.
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  Speaker 2: Just stop it.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes we will be so overwhelmed and we start spiraling,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: and then we're trying not to have a meltdown, not to.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Cry, not that.
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  Speaker 1: What you need to do is just pause what you're
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: doing and allow yourself to feel what needs to be felt.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: If you need to cry in that moment because you're
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: so overwhelmed, you.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: Need to cry. Okay.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: The energy that it takes to hide, to cover up,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: to hold back, to bottle something in when you are
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: on the brink of an emotional meltdown is actually going
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: to be more taxing than crying is for you. Now, please,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: if you're someone that holds back from crying, go listen
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: to my episode from a couple of months ago or
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: weeks ago about the importance of a tactical cry and
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: how crying is actually extremely therapeutic for many reasons. It's
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: not just because you feel that release, but your body
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: actually releases healing properties when you are crying. You actually
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: release stress from your body when you cry, and then
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: you start to feel this soothing effect that your body
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: has on you. It is so healthy to allow yourself
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: to experience the emotion that you are needing to experience.
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  Speaker 1: Mind you, this is very different from being like, Wow,
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  Speaker 1: I feel good. Now I'm gonna sit the fuck down
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: and make myself cry. You know, there's a difference between
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: choosing thoughts and making those thoughts like link onto a
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: more painful thought. On more painful thought, I'm more and
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: then you're causing a spiral. But if you're already in
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: a position where you're like, wow, I found myself in
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: this place where I feel so overwhelmed, this is when
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: you need to stop doing what you're doing and think
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: what emotion am I feeling right now? And if you
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: need to cry cry if you feel frustrated, you can
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, I'm so frustrated.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: You can let out a sound.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: You can Acknowledging the emotion and allowing yourself to feel
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: it is very very important, okay, because bottling it up,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: no matter what the emotion is, actually slows down and
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: impacts your ability to self regulate and to feel back
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: on track. Takes you longer to get back on track.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people think that if we cry,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: then it's game over and I'm not gonna be able
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: to put myself back together. It's actually the opposite, okay,
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: experiencing emotion. You're experiencing and.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: You very quickly be able to self regulate. We've all
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: been there.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Holding back tears is so like it's all consuming and
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: even though it's so like, oh I didn't want to cry,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: but then after the cry, you feel so much better.
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  Speaker 2: Okay. So whatever it is it you need to do,
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: you need to feel it. Okay.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Now, don't tell yourself that you are weak if you cry, Okay,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: if you feel your emotions, if you express your emotions,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: if you feel that you can't hold your emotions in,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: oh my.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: God, I can't you know handle my emotions? That I'm weak.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: That is your body screaming to release pent up energy
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: and saying your body is instinctively saying, let me help you.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: If you just cry, I can release all these things.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I can self soothe, we can regulate. Okay, your body
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: knows so much better than sometimes you're learnt behaviors. Okay,
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: the instinctive body knows. So that's not a sign of weakness.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: That's a sign of your body just saying let me
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: take control right now. Week is saying to yourself, I'm
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: not going to be able to handle.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: It if I cry.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: That's bullshit. Of course you're going to be able to
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: handle it. You handle things a lot better when you
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: feel the emotion.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: So number one, of course, is stop suppressing whatever you
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: need to feel, feel it in that moment. I can
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: guarantee you're going to speed up the process a whole
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: lot faster. You're not going to continue to spiral. Number two.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: The next thing you want to do is you want
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: to create a circuit breaker for what, for whatever it
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: is that you're feeling in that moment, after you have
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: allowed yourself to experience it. Okay, so this is like
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I've cried it out, but I also know that once
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I have my cry, or once I've written down all
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: the things that frustrate me, or once I've made a
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: vocalization of why I'm so annoyed, I don't then want
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: to continue to then spy like bring myself back into
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: So I've experienced what I need to experience.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Now I need to break the circuit.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: I need to step away from this task, and I
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: want to physically change my location if possible.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: So this is where you.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: Remove yourself from the desk, remove yourself from your home,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: remove yourself from this environment, from the office, from whatever,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: even if it's just for a couple of minutes, a
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: temporary thing. You need to break that circuit and step
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: away from that space.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: We underestimate the value of being in something and how
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: much it can affect us versus being outside of that
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: thing and watching it as if we're like a third party.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Sometimes when you're so heavily involved in something, it feels
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: like that thing is so much bigger than what it
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: actually is. Okay, the next thing that you're going to
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: do Number three is I want you to write a
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: list or a letter to yourself that says for me
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: to become what.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: Would need to happen.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, I have started doing this for myself so much lately,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: and I don't always write it down.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: Actually, i'd rarely write it down. It's only when it's
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: like a big thing that I write it down.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: But sometimes I think for me to feel better, for
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: me to feel calmer, what are certain things that would
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: need to happen.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: And hint here, it's not that you.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Have to resolve this thing, because like I said, there's
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: many things that are going to happen that cause you
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: to spiral that are not in your control. So you
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: can't say, well, once that's resolved, then I feel better
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: because you can't really control when that thing's going to
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: be resolved if it's not directly in your control. But
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: certain things such as if I had a bit more
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: balance in my day, I know I would feel a
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: lot calmer. If I was able to control other aspects
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: of my day, then this would feel more manageable. Okay,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: So for example, for me the other day last week,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: when I was absolutely like having one of those moments
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: spirally because everything was happening like something that I was
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: submitting was getting rejected. I had to do some tech
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: stuff on something that I'm not tech savvy on. Then
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: I had to reply to certain things, and there was
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: a deadline on certain things and something to do with
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: my bass and my tax and then it was all happening.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: It was extremely overwhelming.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: In that moment. And then I did the whole thing
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: like I had my moment.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: I experienced it, I felt it. I then stepped away
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: from that thing, and then I thought what would need
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: to happen in order for me to feel.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Calmer about it?
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't well I have to resolve everything, because
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I know that that's not the answer. But I thought, well,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I know that when I'm organized, I.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Already feel a lot better.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: So I thought, okay, well, what can I look at
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: as far as organizing that's going to make me feel good?
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: What can I do that's going to make it tomorrow
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: morning a bit easier? And so I started already looking
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: at solutions based and it's not necessarily around the exact
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: thing that was causing me stress.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: I thought, what makes me calmer? In general? Some people might.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Be like, well, I know that the moment I step outside,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I instantly feel karma and I just know that I'm
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: working against what I know.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: I just need to get outside.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: For some people, it's like, well, it's when I meditate,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: it's when I listen to music, and I change my
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: mood by listening to music. It's when I call this
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: one person that can always talk me down off the
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: ledge it went. So you need to identify what does
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: feel and karma look like. Look at it from like
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I'm already here. What does that look like? And what
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: are certain things that I can put into place to
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: start to make myself feel calmer. Notice that I'm not
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: saying this has to be resolved. I have to have
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: finished this, I have to have an answer. We're just
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: talking about your state, your physical state, all right. I
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: want you to imagine yourself in the shoes of your
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: karma state, because when you are in that karma state,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: your problem solving skills are so much better. Okay, And
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: it also helps you look at the bigger picture, because
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: it's not like you say, am I crying because of
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: this one email that came in? No, I'm crying because
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I'm burnt out and there's a thousand things going on
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: right now. And if I felt a little bit better,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: and if I felt a little bit more control of
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: other areas of my life, this one thing probably wouldn't.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: Have made me cry normally. Okay.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: So this idea of what would it look like if
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: I was calm, what would need to be done if
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I was calm? Helps you look at a bigger picture
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: perspective of your overall day, your overall life. Okay, Now
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: number four is what is one thing I can do
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: that is going to make me feel like I have
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: accomplished something by the time I go to bed.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: Now, this is symbolic.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: So I don't want you to think, oh great, great
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Alexis is doing a podcast on how to stop spiraling,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: and here I am trying to self soothe and she's
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: giving me something to put them out to do list.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: This is simply symbolic.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: It could be the smallest thing, but we feel very fulfilled.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: We feel like we've accomplished something. We feel happier, calmer,
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: like we've achieved something better about ourselves when we have
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: ticked something off our you know what we need to do? Okay,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: And again it's going to be It could be the
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: smallest thing in the world and irrelevant from the thing
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: that's making you spiral.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: So if work is the trigger that's making you feel
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: really stressed, then don't make it about work.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: It could be I'm going to reply to a handful
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: of text messages that I haven't getting back to. I'm
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: going to book that doctor's appointment. I'm going to clean
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: the filter off the dryer because it was beeping at
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: me the other day and I keep putting it off,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: and then I'm not drying clothes because I haven't cleaned
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: the filter.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Or I'm going to fold a quarter of the pile
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: of my laundry.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I know that when I wake up knowing I folded
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: just then, took ten minutes, and feel really good, I'm
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: gonna whatever. Okay, it is symbolic, symbolic, symbolic. It is
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: not to add more onto your plate. It is to
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: be like, see, I went to bed and even though
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I thought my day was a ride off because I
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: was so upset, I.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: Achieved this one little thing. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: I did it. I could have not done it, but
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: I did it, and it was little and I feel good.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: Okay that to me, these.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: Tiny, tiny actions are crazy. So for example, what I
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: did that day is, you know what's going to make me.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Feel really good.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: I'm going to empty out my bag that I take
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: to work to the office. It's like a really oversized handbag,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: and I'm just going to tidy it up because it
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: was a shit show in there. It took me about
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: seven minutes to do it. And I can't even tell
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: you I went to there being like, oh my god,
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to pack my hand back.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: Tomorrow morning to go to work. It's just going to
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: be so so basic.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Our brains are very complicated on one end, but so
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: fucking basic and easy to please on another end. So
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: we're going to really lean into that aspect of our
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: brain and use that to our advantage. It took me
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: around seven minutes to tidy out this fucking bag, and
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: I can't tell you how good I felt having thrown
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: out these receipts and tidy things up and put things
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: away that didn't need to be in that bag.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: It was unbelievable. And this is the day that I
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: was spiraling the other day. It was unreal. And then the.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: Fifth thing, and the most important thing, if I can say,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: is connect with someone. Now, this could be your dog,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: your cat, something that is also going to connect back
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: with you, ideally so where you can have a bonded
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: connection or ideally, if possible, with a friend, a relative,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: someone that you love, someone that you love being in
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: their company. All Right, So if you live with your partner,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: you could say, hey, why don't you want to just
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: go out for a walk, no phones, thirty minutes or
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: however long, and you just walk, no music, no phones, nothing,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: and walk and talk.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: You'll be like, wow, oh.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: My god, I feel so much more soothed. And then
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: if you can take it that one step further with
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: that connection, what can you do together or for that
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: person where you feel that you are giving value that
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: you are of use. Okay, So often, especially when we're spiraling,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: or in particular, when we are experiencing extreme anxiety, the
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: attention is on the problem and then needing to fix
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: that problem and to fix how we're feeling, and then
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: needing to fix and we can get so overwhelmed that
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: we get stuck in this cycle and then we're hyper
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: aware of how we're feeling, and then we're trying to
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: mend it, but then we're too aware of how we're
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: feeling and we're stuck in our heads. Okay, it's extremely frustrating.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: And whether you have an actual anxiety, an anxiety disorder,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: or an anxiety condition, or whether you're just going through
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: an anxious bout. That's what's going on, that's what we're feeling. Okay,
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: some people it's to an extreme, some people not as much.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: So it's all well and good to be doing the
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: work on yourself, to be doing this, to be doing that.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: But when you're too internalized.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: With your thoughts and what you're experiencing, it can sometimes
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: make you go the other way, or it can sometimes
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: make you feel a bit stuck and that you're not
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: making any progress whatsoever. The one of the best ways
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: to turn that around is to get out of your
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: own head and to make it about something or someone else. Okay,
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: So if you can connect with someone and then you
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: can say, hey, do you want to discuss an is
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: there anything that's on your mind that you want to
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: talk about?
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: Is there whatever?
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: And then you can start to offer advice, offer help,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: offer and you know, an ear for someone to listen to.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: And then you walk away being like, wow, I actually
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: helped that person.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: I contributed.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: I was able to give them advice, I was able
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: to give them a bit of my time, I was
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: able to whatever else. You will instantly start to feel better.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: You feel better because you weren't focusing on your own
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: problems for that moment, or weren't focusing on spiraling. But
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: you also feel better because contributing and connecting with someone
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: other than of course the release of chemicals that make
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: us feel bonded, like oxytocin.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: And then serotonin and dopamine.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: When you know you're contributing and you're doing something, but
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: you feel like you have you actually are useful to
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: that person. And when you feel useful to somebody else,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: you start to feel happier. It increases your self esteem,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: it increases your confidence. And when your self esteem and
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: your confidence is increased, you start to look at your
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: problems through a different lens. You start to look at
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: your problems as yeah, they still exist, but it's actually
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: more manageable. This isn't actually overwhelming me. This is actually doable,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: and I might not be able to do it in
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: one day or in one week, but.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: I can actually chip it away at it.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: You start calming yourself down. And this happens by feeling bonded,
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: connected and like you are contributing, or that you are
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: off use to someone else, to your best friend, to
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: your family, to people that you love. Of course, like
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: I always say when you contribute, when you do things
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: for other people, it still has to be fulfilling. I'm
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: not saying go out and be a Marta and do
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: something that makes you suffer in order for someone to succeed.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: But I'm saying that while it's fulfilling for you, it's
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: also very helpful for someone else. So in my example,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: I didn't even actually go and help someone. So the
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: other day when I spiraled and I did all of that,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: and I thought about what I would do to fil Calma,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: and I emptied out my handbag and I cleared it
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: up and it felt amazing. I then had my cooking
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: nut with my cousin Jaselle, and I can tell you
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: before that, I was spiraling so hard that I was like,
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: I just need to get all this shit done. I
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: might have to cancel on my cousin last minute. And
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: then I thought, I was like, I know that that.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I I know for a fact that that will make
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: me feel worse. I know it, So I'm not going
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: to do that. I'm actually going to leave the office
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: an hour earlier. I mean, to be fair.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: I have the freedom to do that, so that's fortunate
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: for me. But I left the office.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: An hour earlier, and I was like, I'm going to
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: do the grocery shopping for our cooking night.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Then I started thinking about, well, I need this grocery. Oh,
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: we don't have that. Do we have that?
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, I'm focusing on something else.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Do we have this shit at home? I'm trying to
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: go through the cupboards. I'm looking at everything. Then I
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: go to Woolies and I'm buying all the shit, and
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: then my cousin comes over and then we're talking. Then
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: we're talking about her job, and by the end of
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: the night, I hadn't thought once of the shit that
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: I was thinking about all day long. I wrapped up
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: that the day they left, and I felt so good.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, I've done.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: All these tiny things. None of them were crazy, instrumental
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: things that made wild change, But all those things put together,
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: I experienced my emotions right. I removed myself from the situation.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: I thought about what I could do that was going
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: to make me feel calmer. I did something tiny that
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: made me feel like I'd accomplished something, and I had
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: a great amount of connection with somebody that I love.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: And then by the end of the night, none of
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: those problems had gone away, not one, and I.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: Felt so fucking good. I felt it was under control.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: And then the next day I rocked up to work
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: with this attitude of like, every single one of those
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: things in isolation is relatively easy.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: It's just a little bit annoying. I have to make
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: a phone call that I might be on hold for.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I might, but I had this different air about me.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, it's easy, it's easy. It doesn't mean
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: like it might be time, because it might be this.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I'm just gonna chip away, chip away,
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: gonna chip away.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: And I felt on top of the world.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: So this is for me what I'm going to be
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: doing every time I'm spiraling about something big or small,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: because you can apply this to when you're going through
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: and like a heartbreak, when you're going through, you know,
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: and your relief might be short lived, as in yeah,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: that can actually feel really good, and then you remind
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: yourself of the heartbreak or long lived, like you can
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: reframe how you approach your problems in that moment. But
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: either way, you are going to get some respite from
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: what you are experiencing, from that spiraling, from that suffering
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: that you're going through. Okay, so do all five things.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Are going to summarize those five things. It is number one,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: you want to stop suppressing it and actually allow yourself
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: to feel that feeling. If you really want to get
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: deep on that, go listen to my episode a few
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: weeks or maybe months ago about tactical crying.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: It's there's so much science behind it. Just cry it
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: out if you need too. And then number two is
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: create that circuit. Breakout. Remove yourself from that location.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Get out of that space, even if you need to
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: come back to the office, get out, walk around the block,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: come back, sit down. That is does wonders. Just remove
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: yourself from that environment that breaks that circuit. You've snapped.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: And then you've got to you approach it with fresh
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: eyes or a fresh mind. Number three, write a list
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: or a letter saying for me to become what would
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: need to happen.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: And the key or the hint here is you want
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: to broaden it.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be about the actual problem that
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: you're facing. Think about other areas in your life that
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: you know when those things are going well, it actually
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: helps contribute to other things, Like if my home is
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: completely tidy. It actually helps me feel a lot calmer
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: in other areas, even though they're not directly related.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Things like that.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Number four is I want you to accomplish something tiny,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: and remember it is symbolic. It can be the smallest thing,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: but that accomplishment or it makes you feel a bit
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: better about the other thing that you're spiraling on. And
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: ideally that accomplishment make it completely irrelevant to that thing
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: that you're stressing about, so that way you're not in
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: that thing. We're talking about how do we make ourselves
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: feel better about ourselves in our mind? And number five connect,
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: create a nice connection, do something with someone, helps someone
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: with their problems, help someone problem solve, or just connect,
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: go for a walk, talk, but be to make it
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: even more beneficial. Be useful to someone, feel like you
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: are useful, feel like someone needed you and you were
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: there for them. Doesn't even have to be in a
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: really hard thing. Just doing something fun to get even
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: and you are going to feel absolutely on top of
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: the world by the end of that. So those are
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: my top five steps if you are spiraling.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: Guys.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. Love
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: you guys so much. As always, remember be kind to yourself.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: Be kind to your brain.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: Don't take shit from anyone, and especially don't take shit
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: from yourself.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Dunk it