Latest / Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50 / THE BEAN SOUP THEORY: WHY NOT EVERYTHING IS FOR YOU IN MIDLIFE (AND THAT’S OKAY!)

Transcript

THE BEAN SOUP THEORY: WHY NOT EVERYTHING IS FOR YOU IN MIDLIFE (AND THAT’S OKAY!) · Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50

• 0:00
  Hi, it's Eden. You know I'm on TV every day, so
• 0:03
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• 0:06
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• 0:21
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• 0:23
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• 0:26
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• 0:29
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• 1:03
  That's ARMOIRE dot style slash UU podcast.
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  It's in our show notes. Try it today and never worry
• 1:11
  about what to wear again. Welcome to Uncluttered and
• 1:19
  Unfiltered, the podcast urging you to let it go and don't look
• 1:23
  back, with nationally acclaimed professional organizer Christine
• 1:27
  Stone and self-proclaimed Hot Damn Mess radio and TV
• 1:32
  personality Eden Kendall. Welcome everyone to Uncluttered
• 1:35
  and Unfiltered with a podcast for women over 50.
• 1:38
  My name is Eden Kendall. I am a broadcaster, and
• 1:42
  Christine Stone is here. She is a professional organizer.
• 1:45
  Lots of people have become much more organized because of you,
• 1:50
  and I'm one of those people, so I am.
• 1:52
  Very much. Greatly appreciative of that.
• 1:56
  A lot of times you will find things on social media and you
• 1:59
  will share them with me and, and they are things that I haven't
• 2:01
  seen or heard of. Everybody's algorithm is
• 2:04
  different. I found something that I thought
• 2:07
  was really interesting, so I wanted to share it with you.
• 2:11
  And as it relates, I asked AI relate to tell me how does this
• 2:17
  relate to women over 50. So the first thing is it's
• 2:20
  called the bean soup theory. Now the bean soup theory was
• 2:26
  born of a video that went viral of somebody creating this recipe
• 2:32
  for bean soup. The the main ingredients were
• 2:35
  three different kinds of beans. The comments started asking is
• 2:41
  there a variation of this without beans?
• 2:44
  Can I? I don't like beans, I'm allergic
• 2:45
  to beans. How can I have this without
• 2:49
  beans? To which people were saying you
• 2:51
  can't. Not everything's about you.
• 2:55
  Find a different recipe. It's bean soup.
• 2:58
  If you don't like beans, move along.
• 3:02
  We don't have to revise what we're doing here to accommodate
• 3:07
  you just because you don't want to have some beans.
• 3:10
  So that's that's the bean soup theory.
• 3:14
  Now, when applied to women over 50, it highlights a shift in how
• 3:18
  we consume media, how we manage our health and how we navigate
• 3:21
  societal expectations as far as thinking that everything has to
• 3:26
  be about us and being irritated and stressed when things are
• 3:30
  not. About us about.
• 3:32
  Us, For example, women over 50, and I'm reading this verbatim,
• 3:36
  often receive unsolicited advice regarding menopause, fitness or
• 3:40
  diet. And then the theory suggests
• 3:43
  that everyone should feel these side effects.
• 3:46
  Everyone should feel these kinds of ways.
• 3:49
  These are the, the cures and the, and the remedies.
• 3:52
  And then somebody, someone inevitably says something's
• 3:56
  wrong with me because that's not working for me, or you're wrong
• 3:59
  because that doesn't work for me.
• 4:01
  When in reality, according to the bean soup theory, that was
• 4:05
  just for someone else and not. You right, right.
• 4:08
  I, I, I see this all the time on social media all the time.
• 4:14
  And I even think most women in general, whether they're over 50
• 4:18
  or not, want to try something that somebody is hyping.
• 4:23
  I What I've learned from this though is when you are over 50,
• 4:28
  not everything is for you. Because I have bought products
• 4:32
  that a 35 year old was using or a 40 old 40 year old was using
• 4:37
  and it looked terrible on me or it was not flattering and
• 4:42
  whatever it was. And so I have learned lately
• 4:47
  that not everything is for me. Not everything is going to work
• 4:50
  for me. I'm a 63 year old woman and what
• 4:54
  works for even you would not work for me and vice versa.
• 4:59
  And I don't think people get that concept that not everything
• 5:03
  is going to work for everybody or work the same way, you know?
• 5:08
  I mean, and and then, then there's another side of it too,
• 5:11
  and that is the side of the person who is providing the
• 5:14
  soup. You don't have to please
• 5:16
  everyone. You don't have to be a people
• 5:18
  pleaser. This podcast, I would love to
• 5:22
  say that everybody would enjoy this podcast, but it's not for
• 5:28
  you. If you listen to this podcast
• 5:30
  and you say these are just two old ladies, and we've had lots
• 5:35
  of those comments on YouTube, YouTube's the place where people
• 5:37
  really let fly the meanness. Oh gosh, listen to them whine or
• 5:42
  you know what? It's not for you.
• 5:44
  It wasn't intended for you. You are a 30 year old man.
• 5:49
  You are not the intended audience.
• 5:51
  The bean soup was not for you. Go find yourself a steak.
• 5:57
  You know you don't need to stop here.
• 5:59
  We're not your restaurant. We're not for you.
• 6:02
  But don't you also think that it's because there's so many
• 6:07
  social media outlets now? Like it used to be just Facebook
• 6:11
  and then it was just Instagram, then it was Facebook and
• 6:14
  Instagram, then TikTok came in, then you had YouTube.
• 6:17
  And Reddit. And Reddit.
• 6:19
  Oh, Reddit. I mean.
• 6:22
  I've never seen anything like that when they're.
• 6:25
  Brutal. Let's put a pin in that and come
• 6:27
  back to Reddit because I absolutely love.
• 6:29
  Reddit OK and every time I look up something they will tell you
• 6:32
  everything you need to know but negatively like I mean.
• 6:36
  Anyway. So I think it's just fanned the,
• 6:42
  you know, fan the flames of the bean soup because everyone wants
• 6:47
  their nose and everything and instead of just staying in their
• 6:51
  lane, I call it. Staying in your lane is exactly.
• 6:55
  What? And no one stays in their lane
• 6:56
  anymore. Although the stay in your lane
• 6:58
  on this is quote, if you don't like beans, you don't eat the
• 7:02
  soup. Right.
• 7:04
  What could be more simple? Right, like it's bean soup.
• 7:08
  So if you don't like beans, why would you want to make bean
• 7:11
  soup? And I would be, I would be
• 7:13
  really, really curious to hear from our listeners how they can
• 7:19
  apply the bean soup theory to their own lives.
• 7:23
  I know for me, I can tell you all from my own perspective, and
• 7:27
  that is I am a runner. I try not to bore everybody with
• 7:31
  my running stories on this podcast because this is not a
• 7:33
  running podcast and I don't think you would enjoy them very
• 7:36
  much. However, I can tell you that
• 7:38
  over the past many years, this doesn't apply to every woman of
• 7:42
  my age, but I've slowed down, OK, I, I've slowed down.
• 7:48
  My pace as a runner has slowed really.
• 7:51
  I used to run faster than I run now.
• 7:53
  I'm still very competitive in my age group, but my age group is
• 7:57
  slower than it was. I have to accept that, right?
• 8:00
  That's the soup I have to eat. I, I mean, sure, I could go
• 8:05
  crazy trying to train and, and, and, you know, thwart that.
• 8:08
  Sure I could, but I don't want to.
• 8:10
  And so that's my bean soup. It's I just have to accept where
• 8:14
  I am in this station of my life, right?
• 8:16
  I am in my 60th year is the way somebody put it recently.
• 8:20
  I'm 59, so that's me in my 60th year.
• 8:22
  I have to accept it. Yeah, well, and that's how I
• 8:25
  have felt about skin care and makeup lately.
• 8:28
  It's I got really on the oh, look at that new product.
• 8:32
  Look at that new product and it just became a disaster because
• 8:36
  my skin is very sensitive and everything started to irritate
• 8:40
  it. And that's when I got that
• 8:42
  perioral dermatitis, remember? And it's because I was using so
• 8:46
  many strong products and so many different products.
• 8:50
  And once I went back and just paired everything down and did
• 8:53
  what was appropriate for for someone who has sensitive skin,
• 8:58
  everything cleared up and went back to normal.
• 9:00
  So what works for somebody else? I didn't go in and say can you
• 9:05
  change that formulation because it didn't work.
• 9:07
  For me, you know what? I mean or.
• 9:11
  Give them a negative review online, which hurts.
• 9:14
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• 9:17
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  this and it works so great and then the comment section is just
• 11:23
  blistering it. Well, I use that, you know.
• 11:26
  OK. OK.
• 11:27
  So it's not for you. It's not for you.
• 11:29
  And so and of course our age group, we're not big on the
• 11:33
  commenting. At least I'm not.
• 11:35
  I don't comment on anything. I don't either.
• 11:36
  But I think that's because of our age group.
• 11:40
  The younger people can't help it.
• 11:42
  They can't. They can't help.
• 11:43
  They have to comment on every little thing.
• 11:47
  I ordered something online the other day and it came.
• 11:50
  It was, you may have seen them, I'm not going to name the name
• 11:52
  of the product, but it was they're these little jars of
• 11:55
  their protein butters and basically they taste like
• 11:58
  they're supposed to taste like a cookie batter or different
• 12:01
  things in it. They're high.
• 12:02
  But they're butter. They're not butter, they're like
• 12:04
  peanut butter the way a peanut butter would be, but like 1's
• 12:06
  brownie flavor, one's chocolate chip flavor.
• 12:09
  Juice. I saw those.
• 12:10
  Not only did I not care for them, I don't like the after
• 12:13
  taste, but they made my stomach hurt.
• 12:16
  I tried like 3 nights in a row hoping it was something else and
• 12:19
  it made my stomach hurt. And I almost not commented
• 12:23
  publicly but reached out to the company and I thought you know
• 12:25
  what, I'm sure millions of people love this product.
• 12:30
  And if I were really trying to cut out all the sweets and it
• 12:34
  was really hard for me and I was somebody who needed it, I, you
• 12:37
  know, it's, it's bean soup with beans in it that I didn't like.
• 12:42
  And I literally thought of the bean soup theory when I stopped
• 12:45
  myself from reaching out because they didn't have a return
• 12:48
  policy, they said absolutely no returns.
• 12:50
  And so I wanted to e-mail them and say, well.
• 12:52
  That stinks. I didn't like it either, but it
• 12:54
  is what it is. It was probably very clearly
• 12:57
  suggested when before I ordered it I just didn't see it.
• 13:01
  But again, before I start complaining, let me just check
• 13:05
  myself and say, you know what? I don't like This product,
• 13:07
  doesn't mean other people don't love it.
• 13:09
  Right, I agree. I think that's the that's the
• 13:13
  mentality you have to have, especially in your 50s and 60s
• 13:17
  and and onward that you know, not everything's going to be for
• 13:21
  me, it's just not even in clothing.
• 13:24
  Yes, I mean clothing especially like you everyone orders stuff
• 13:29
  off Amazon. I am not joking when I tell you
• 13:32
  almost everything I've ordered clothing wise off Amazon looks
• 13:36
  nothing like it did on the person on that I was following
• 13:39
  or that was. And I mean, even if she's my
• 13:41
  age. Even if she's my age.
• 13:44
  Well, the good news is though, you can return them and you
• 13:46
  don't have to make a stink. No, not at all.
• 13:48
  I just stopped doing it. I said, you know what?
• 13:50
  It's not for you. It's just not for me.
• 13:52
  It's not for me. So how, since we like to get
• 13:55
  some organization into these episodes, how can you apply the
• 14:01
  bean soup theory looking in your closet?
• 14:03
  Could you, could you physically look at something and say, you
• 14:05
  know what? I bought this because everybody
• 14:07
  loves it but it's not for me. Yes, that's how I would apply
• 14:11
  that. I've told the story I'm sure on
• 14:13
  here before, but everyone kept saying you need to wear color,
• 14:16
  you need to wear color, you need to wear flowers, you need to
• 14:19
  wear stripes. I have succumbed to that a few
• 14:22
  times and every single time I put it on, I put a pair of pants
• 14:28
  on or shorts or whatever and I look at myself in the mirror and
• 14:31
  go, I'm not keeping this. I am consigning it, I'm donating
• 14:36
  it, but I am not. And now I don't even do it
• 14:39
  anymore because it's not for me. I don't feel comfortable in it.
• 14:44
  There's a lot of ways in organization because people see
• 14:48
  organization is perfection and it's not.
• 14:52
  It's about the bean soup theory. I don't need to keep things that
• 14:57
  are not working for me. For me, it may work for somebody
• 15:01
  else that makeup may look great on.
• 15:03
  Somebody else, that shirt may look great on on somebody else.
• 15:06
  Those jeans may look awesome on someone else, but they're not
• 15:10
  for me like that one pants style, like they look like
• 15:16
  riding pants. What was that?
• 15:18
  The balloon pants or? Something like the hammer pants?
• 15:21
  I don't. Even know I can't remember the
• 15:23
  name of them, but they were really, really.
• 15:25
  Yeah, something. And everyone's like, oh, you
• 15:28
  would look great in those. I'm like, I am 52.
• 15:31
  There is no way even women over 50 were wearing them and they
• 15:37
  looked amazing in them. But I knew that style was not
• 15:41
  for me. I liken that to a chef saying,
• 15:44
  but you'll like this bean soup, right?
• 15:46
  OK. What part of I don't like the
• 15:48
  beans don't you get? Yeah.
• 15:49
  So that's how that's. How you apply it?
• 15:51
  Yeah. So you know, whether that's so,
• 15:54
  whether you're the one consuming the bean soup, you're the one
• 15:56
  who's making the bean soup, You make your bean soup, you keep
• 15:59
  that recipe true to your grandma's recipe.
• 16:02
  And if somebody doesn't want to eat it, let him move on, right.
• 16:05
  So here is the take away that ChatGPT told me.
• 16:08
  From Bean Soup. In summary, for women over 50,
• 16:12
  the bean soup theory serves as a tool for navigating online noise
• 16:15
  and societal pressure, reminding us we do not need to justify our
• 16:20
  life choices or adapt our needs to contest to content that
• 16:25
  simply wasn't made for us. Right, which there's a lot of
• 16:30
  that out. There a lot of that.
• 16:31
  A lot of content out there that simply wasn't made for me at
• 16:35
  least. I mean I even tried.
• 16:38
  I even tried a shampoo. You'll like this one.
• 16:41
  I went and bought the shampoo because this girl on TikTok said
• 16:45
  this shampoo will make your hair so healthy.
• 16:48
  OK. This was just like a month ago.
• 16:50
  OK, when I tell you I looked terrible.
• 16:58
  What? Do you mean I can't even imagine
• 16:59
  your hair not. Looking, I am telling you it
• 17:02
  weighed my hair down so much that even the girl who was blow
• 17:07
  drying my hair said what? What happened?
• 17:09
  I said I tried the shampoo because this girl.
• 17:12
  Because TikTok told me to. Right.
• 17:14
  And I can't do anything with it. I mean, it took a couple
• 17:18
  shampoos to get that shampoo out of my.
• 17:21
  Head. Oh wow.
• 17:22
  I mean, it just made my hair so stick straight and flat.
• 17:25
  And so I realized it's not for me.
• 17:29
  It's not the shampoo I'll ever use again.
• 17:32
  Did I make a big stink out of it?
• 17:34
  Did I like comment on someone's thing and say, don't use that,
• 17:37
  It's going to make? It just didn't work for my hair.
• 17:41
  And so I also learned a lot from that.
• 17:43
  I am very devoted to all my hair care products.
• 17:46
  I mean devoted. I've used them for years and
• 17:48
  years and years, and trying to make changes sometimes
• 17:54
  backfires, and that wouldn't really backfire.
• 17:56
  But you do. It's OK to try something new
• 17:58
  occasionally. I you know, if we're going to be
• 18:00
  true to this topic, you could literally say like every as long
• 18:05
  as it's not an allergy every few years.
• 18:06
  Maybe you do want to try the bean soup, a little sample of
• 18:10
  it. Nope, still don't like it.
• 18:12
  Still not for me. Or what do you know my taste
• 18:14
  change kind of the way my son wouldn't eat cheese until he was
• 18:17
  19. You know what I mean?
• 18:18
  It's just the way it. Is get older you do change.
• 18:21
  You do change like you. Tried it.
• 18:23
  You recognized it as something that just was not that deep.
• 18:27
  Hey, it's not for me, right? It's.
• 18:28
  Just not for me. So on that note, we like to
• 18:31
  think that our ladies Only uncluttered and unfiltered
• 18:34
  Facebook page is for you because you lasted this long in this
• 18:37
  episode. So please do join us on that.
• 18:40
  We'll make sure there's a link in our show notes, if I hadn't
• 18:41
  already said that in this episode.
• 18:43
  They all run together at this point.
• 18:44
  And remember, you know, if you don't like beans and someone
• 18:47
  serves you bean soup, let it go. And don't look back.