Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why Your Best Days Always Turn Into Arguments

Transcript

Why Your Best Days Always Turn Into Arguments · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Have you ever wondered why when you're just chilling when you
• 0:04
  have, when you have a day off, you're kicking your feet up,
• 0:07
  having you a little empathetic mojito, you're just having a
• 0:11
  great day. All of a sudden, out of nowhere,
• 0:14
  your partner decides to kick up an argument.
• 0:17
  Your partner, your your husband, your wife or whoever decides out
• 0:22
  of nowhere to start a fight out of nowhere starts to insult you
• 0:27
  or bring some chaos into your life.
• 0:28
  Have you ever wondered why that happens?
• 0:31
  Have you ever wondered why you can't have a peaceful day when
• 0:35
  you have a partner like that? That's what we're talking about
• 0:38
  today. Y'all.
• 0:39
  Why narcissistic people, Toxic people hate your peace.
• 0:43
  They hate when you're calm, they hate when you're steady, they
• 0:47
  hate when you're smiling and happy.
• 0:50
  They cannot stand that beep. They can't do it.
• 0:56
  They can't do it. They cannot do it.
• 1:00
  Welcome to live everybody. Welcome to the video today.
• 1:02
  Make sure you if you're just joining, get a thumbs up to the
• 1:04
  video and drop a comment and what not.
• 1:06
  I'm taking a look in the comment section the whole time.
• 1:08
  But yeah, not to bury the lead, but narcissistic people or
• 1:12
  jealous of your peace. As a diagnosed narcissist, I can
• 1:15
  say that clear with clear evidence in my own brain, from
• 1:18
  my own heart, in my own mind, that I have been jealous of
• 1:23
  other people's peace, other people's ability to find peace.
• 1:28
  Because when you're my mind or that mind of that narcissistic
• 1:31
  person, the mind of your partner, that you're wondering
• 1:34
  what's wrong with them, their mind cannot find peace.
• 1:37
  A narcissistic mind is a chaotic mind.
• 1:41
  There's always something going on inside the mind of somebody
• 1:45
  like that. There is no peace.
• 1:47
  So when you're chilling, like when you're happy, when you're
• 1:50
  over there dancing, vacuuming or dancing, cutting the grass or
• 1:54
  just dancing in the kitchen to the, to a song, to a song in
• 1:57
  your head, that's pissing them off because how dare you, How
• 2:05
  dare you have peace, How dare you be able to enjoy the moment.
• 2:13
  And that's important right there.
• 2:15
  A lot of narcissists cannot live in the moment.
• 2:18
  We have the inability to live in the moment and be happy in the
• 2:21
  moment because we're so future focused.
• 2:23
  We're so focused on making our making our lives better and
• 2:26
  changing our lives that we cannot live directly in the
• 2:30
  moment that we're in right now, which becomes exceedingly, which
• 2:33
  becomes exceedingly difficult for you.
• 2:36
  Right, Right. You see what I'm saying?
• 2:40
  This is what goes on right here. This is the mentality of
• 2:43
  narcissistic people. It really, truly, Yeah, it
• 2:46
  really, truly is. Because that's why you might be
• 2:48
  like, you might wake up one day smiling.
• 2:50
  You might look, you might look. You don't even say anything.
• 2:53
  You don't even say anything to them.
• 2:54
  You wake up one day, you're smiling, you're cheesing like
• 2:58
  this. Look, you showing all all your,
• 2:59
  you showing all your teeth, your teeth, T EE the T EE F.
• 3:03
  You're showing all your teeth and they and they just look at
• 3:06
  you like the hell you so happy for What's these?
• 3:10
  What's these? What's you smiling at You see
• 3:14
  I'm over here stressed. I'm over here having a bad day
• 3:16
  and you over here just smiling yo-yo, happy ass like get the
• 3:19
  hell out of my face and you're like all of a sudden that smile
• 3:23
  turns upside down. Now you got a frown.
• 3:26
  Right now you have a frown and that's what happened right here.
• 3:30
  Junior said experienced and happily saying, oh, there you
• 3:33
  go. But now you absolutely have a
• 3:36
  frown because that smile got turned upside down and whatnot.
• 3:41
  Y'all. But this is, I'm just telling
• 3:42
  you, this is part of the process of dealing with the mental,
• 3:45
  dealing with an emotionally emotionally abusive, emotionally
• 3:48
  neglectful person. They cannot stand to see you
• 3:52
  happy and smiling and cheesing and having any type of peace
• 3:56
  because your peace, I'm just being real with you.
• 3:58
  Your peace literally upsets them.
• 4:02
  That's one of the crazy things, right?
• 4:03
  Because like, as a yeah, y'all, as a diagnosed narcissist, it
• 4:05
  really does mess with me when you like, sad.
• 4:09
  And because it really does mess with me when you're happy.
• 4:11
  And I'm sad because now I get jealous, right?
• 4:14
  Why do you get to be happy when I'm sad?
• 4:20
  Why do you get to find peace when my mind is constantly in
• 4:26
  disarray? So I'm jealous of you, your
• 4:29
  partner could be jealous of you and if you and, and a lot of
• 4:33
  people might feel this when I say this right here.
• 4:37
  If you've been with this person for a long time or any type of
• 4:40
  like any type of extended period of time, guess what?
• 4:43
  You might be used to it and guess what happened?
• 4:47
  Guess what happens when you're used to it.
• 4:50
  You started, you started not to show your happiness.
• 4:53
  You start to live inside of yourself now because you don't
• 4:56
  want to. If I, you get into your mind, if
• 4:58
  I show this person that I'm happy, they're going to, they're
• 5:03
  going to cause a problem. If I show this person that I'm
• 5:07
  having a good day, they're going to have an issue.
• 5:12
  If I showed, if I share my good news with this person, they're
• 5:17
  going to invalidate it. So guess what you started to do?
• 5:22
  You still have to keep everything in.
• 5:25
  Drop a thumbs up in the comment section.
• 5:27
  If you agree with that right there.
• 5:28
  If you experience that right there, drop a thumbs up in the
• 5:29
  comment section because you've been conditioned to not be
• 5:32
  happy. You've been conditioned to to
• 5:35
  feel a certain type of way around your partner and whatnot.
• 5:38
  You've been conditioned to not experience peace and happiness.
• 5:42
  You, if they're sad, you got to act sad.
• 5:44
  You know what ends up happening right here?
• 5:46
  You know the kicker that ends up happening right here.
• 5:48
  I see a lot of thumbs up. I see a lot of thumbs up in the
• 5:50
  comment section, A lot of thumbs up.
• 5:53
  There's a special thumbs up right there.
• 5:56
  You know the kicker right here. Once you start, this is the
• 6:03
  kicker. Once you start to not be happy
• 6:08
  and keep everything in, it also becomes a problem.
• 6:22
  Isn't that crazy? Once you start to sit, once you
• 6:27
  start to keep everything in and become kind of robotic because
• 6:31
  you're afraid of their reaction, guess what?
• 6:34
  Guess what? Now it's also a problem.
• 6:37
  What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you running around all
• 6:40
  grumpy? Why do you have such negative
• 6:41
  energy in the house and you like?
• 6:52
  Excuse me? Now you're in an argument.
• 6:57
  Now you're in an argument because you can't show
• 6:59
  happiness. You can't not show happiness.
• 7:02
  What the hell they go do when they say yes, it keeps keeping
• 7:07
  an end also becomes a problem. It's a no win situation.
• 7:12
  They call that a catch 22 where I'm from, right?
• 7:14
  Catch 22. That's what ends up happening
• 7:18
  right there. Catch 22 like they end up doing
• 7:21
  this type of stuff right here. This is what happens.
• 7:24
  It's a crazy mental process that goes so many people go through
• 7:28
  keeping the end becomes a problem.
• 7:30
  Dude, that's my boss. Oh no, I hate that because like
• 7:33
  I said, not always going to be a partner.
• 7:34
  It could be. Thank you for saying that right
• 7:36
  there, Renee. No, it was one right?
• 7:38
  It was Christina. It's not always your partner.
• 7:42
  This could be your boss. This could be your sibling.
• 7:48
  This could be your parents. Imagine being conditioned like
• 7:55
  this from the time you were a youth.
• 7:58
  Imagine being conditioned like this from the time you were
• 8:00
  young. Right?
• 8:02
  The time you were young when you were growing up.
• 8:04
  You get conditioned to not be happy.
• 8:07
  What? But you also got conditioned not
• 8:11
  to hold it in. You got to find instead of
• 8:13
  smiling like this. Yeah, Give me a little smile.
• 8:20
  You can't smile like this. They're too big of a smile.
• 8:21
  Yeah, you gotta do it right there.
• 8:28
  You gotta give him a little goofy smile.
• 8:31
  Yep. So you should.
• 8:33
  They're right. Right on.
• 8:34
  Oh, that was it. Premature.
• 8:35
  I must miss something. Right on.
• 8:36
  It started with my mother. Yeah.
• 8:37
  It starts with a parent. And then you take that into a
• 8:41
  relation. You take that into a
• 8:43
  relationship dynamic with your partner again, it's going to put
• 8:46
  it on you. Your partner's going to put it
• 8:49
  on to you. That's just the Yeah, I don't
• 8:51
  make the rules. I just talk about them, right?
• 8:54
  Your partner is going to put it on to you.
• 8:56
  They're going to make it seem like everything is your fault.
• 8:59
  This is the mentality that so many people face with
• 9:02
  narcissistic, toxic ass people. And it's like you said and and
• 9:06
  it's not again, y'all, it's not even your fault.
• 9:08
  Like you didn't do anything to deserve this.
• 9:10
  This is not how it goes. It's not even your fault.
• 9:13
  This is how they go. This is the mentality that
• 9:16
  narcissistic people experience like put put out into the world.
• 9:19
  Who said that? It started with my mother too.
• 9:21
  There you go. See.
• 9:23
  I'll get it. I'll get it.
• 9:27
  Yeah, I'll get it. Oh, my goodness.
• 9:29
  Somebody said listen to Jesse Lee Peterson for a week.
• 9:31
  That is the. That's the last thing I'm going
• 9:33
  to do. Listen to fucking Jesse Lee
• 9:35
  Peterson. That's the last thing I'm going
• 9:36
  to do. That's the last thing I'm going
• 9:41
  to do. What the hell?
• 9:45
  No. Why would I do that?
• 9:46
  That's crazy. I wouldn't want to bring that
• 9:51
  negative energy to myself. Yeah, but this is what goes on
• 9:54
  right here. It's just like when a narcissist
• 9:58
  like you're, it's going to sound.
• 9:59
  This is going to sound crazy right here.
• 10:00
  Y'all narcissist see your peace as a threat.
• 10:06
  Isn't it crazy right here? They they see your peace as
• 10:09
  threatening to them. It's like you're trying.
• 10:12
  It's like you're laughing in their face when you have a
• 10:15
  peaceful moment, when you have a peaceful, when you have a
• 10:18
  peaceful time, it's just like you're, it's like you're
• 10:21
  laughing in their face, right? It's like you're ha ha, ha, a
• 10:24
  Kiki keen in their face and whatnot, right?
• 10:29
  This is what goes on right here. And Tom Johnson caught me a fool
• 10:32
  because I don't want to listen to Jesse Lee Peterson spill out
• 10:35
  stupid ass stuff like this crazy.
• 10:37
  That's Tom. You're an idiot.
• 10:39
  When I hear when I hear people listen to Jason Lee Peterson, I
• 10:41
  already know you're stupid. It's like that's the dumbest it
• 10:44
  you can do. Like just Lee Peterson.
• 10:45
  That's that's literally the dumbest thing you can do.
• 10:48
  This is a man spout that bullshit Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
• 10:53
  Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo. Now I got a band Tom and delete
• 10:58
  his comments. I want to see that this dumb ass
• 11:00
  stuff coming up here. But yeah, this is the mentality
• 11:04
  of narcissistic people. Oh y'all, when you are happy,
• 11:07
  they see it as an attack on their piece.
• 11:10
  Like when you are literally trying to just have a good day.
• 11:14
  Even if you're like I said and this, this doesn't just apply to
• 11:16
  you. If you have children that are
• 11:17
  also in the house with you and also doing the same type of
• 11:20
  thing. This is what happens right here.
• 11:23
  Like they literally would do that too.
• 11:24
  The kids get it. The kids can't come home happy,
• 11:27
  The kids can't come home and the kids can't have joy, right?
• 11:32
  This is the this, this is the like, like say if y'all were
• 11:36
  conditioned in childhood to do it, imagine your kids having the
• 11:39
  same thing. Imagine your kids coming through
• 11:43
  and having the same thing happen to them as a child.
• 11:45
  They're getting conditioned as well.
• 11:47
  It's not just you, your kids, your children are getting
• 11:49
  conditioned as well. So you absolutely have to
• 11:53
  protect your peace in these situations right here y'all,
• 11:55
  because the more you protect your peace, the better off you
• 11:58
  are. I promise you, the more you're
• 12:00
  able to protect your peace, the better off that you are.
• 12:08
  And you don't want to keep it in either.
• 12:09
  Like I said, you, you have to. And that's why I tell people
• 12:11
  right here, y'all, if you can't leave, if you stuck in the toxic
• 12:15
  relationship dynamic, find ways to let the find ways to
• 12:20
  experience your happiness outside of them.
• 12:23
  Your happiness cannot depend on them.
• 12:26
  Your happiness cannot depend on them.
• 12:28
  Your happiness has to be found elsewhere from inside out,
• 12:32
  inside inside out. If you have a good, if you have
• 12:35
  a good news, share it with your friends, share it with your
• 12:38
  family members, right? If you have you have a
• 12:41
  happiness, just smile in private.
• 12:43
  It's crazy, man. It's one thing that you have to
• 12:49
  do when you're with a anatastic relationship dynamic right, is
• 12:52
  you learn to make yourself smaller.
• 12:54
  You are being smaller and smaller and smaller because you
• 12:57
  you've been taught to keep it all in.
• 13:00
  And that's becomes part of the problem right there.
• 13:02
  You get taught to keep it all in.
• 13:04
  But anyway, y'all narcissist hate your peace and that's where
• 13:08
  you go over there. Now I want to open up the floor
• 13:10
  for a quick question and answer session.
• 13:12
  If y'all have some questions, I might have some answers.
• 13:15
  Before I do that though. I am in New York City, New York
• 13:20
  City on June the 2nd for my next in person live Q&A event.
• 13:27
  It's a live Q&A. I'll have a mic, there'll be
• 13:29
  mics in the crowd. Straight up question, straight
• 13:32
  up answers is AQ and a live in person session is New York City
• 13:37
  June the 2nd and you can find more information about that at
• 13:41
  mentalillness.net/events New York City Mental illness.net
• 13:48
  slash events Live question and answer in person, face to face.
• 13:54
  Face to face. I'll be here with my mic.
• 13:56
  You ask me a question, I hit you back.
• 13:57
  And then there'll be other people in the crowd as well
• 14:00
  asking questions too. So you might have a question,
• 14:03
  you might not even think of a question.
• 14:04
  Did somebody else ask? You might have the same thing.
• 14:06
  Oh, I didn't think about that. Damn, There you go, right there.
• 14:13
  There you go right there. How to grey rock a narc husband
• 14:19
  and neighbor. So grey rock is just removing
• 14:21
  the emotional energy, right? Grey rocking is going, grey
• 14:24
  rocking is coming up with a plan of how you're going to react.
• 14:26
  And you know, ignore my hot Mama mug.
• 14:31
  I start drinking, I start drinking green tea in the
• 14:33
  morning, trying to lose some weight.
• 14:35
  You should have them remove your emotional energy with your
• 14:37
  neighbor. I don't know if your neighbor's
• 14:39
  a male or female, whatever, right?
• 14:41
  Whoever did whatever that identifies, right?
• 14:44
  Don't give me any. Don't give them any emotional
• 14:46
  energy. Nothing high and by you didn't
• 14:49
  have to say hi head nod. Keep it moving if they say or do
• 14:52
  something crazy. If it's illegal, call the damn
• 14:55
  police. If it's legal, call the police.
• 15:00
  If they're just bothering you, if they're just trying to say
• 15:01
  something stupid, just keep it moving.
• 15:05
  My partner, mom was our third party for for our son.
• 15:08
  And every time they fight, she tells me I need to go to court
• 15:11
  and figure out parenting time through the courts because she
• 15:13
  doesn't want to be involved. The partner's mom.
• 15:15
  Oh, yeah. You might have to find another
• 15:17
  third party right there because that's that's power.
• 15:19
  That's Yeah. If she's not willing to do it
• 15:21
  and if something happens then or she could you be making stuff
• 15:24
  up? She could you be making stuff
• 15:26
  up? We got into a fight.
• 15:27
  I'm not coming. You see what I'm saying?
• 15:28
  That's just interfering with you.
• 15:29
  So yeah, I would, I would probably make a plan to go to
• 15:31
  court. You probably would have to.
• 15:35
  You did and you're back. See, you're a bad person.
• 15:37
  You're not a bad person. You're just trying to get your
• 15:38
  baby. I'm sorry this happening.
• 15:42
  Why does my husband keep his phone glued to his hand from
• 15:44
  morning to early morning? What do you think?
• 15:50
  What do you think is going on here?
• 15:51
  I have to ask you because he could just be checking the stock
• 15:54
  market, right? Or he could be checking his
• 15:57
  stock with the new supply. You see what I'm saying?
• 16:02
  He could be checking the stock with the new supply.
• 16:06
  Ask him. They're not you just they're
• 16:07
  not. You can just ask.
• 16:09
  They're not you can ask you go to live finally.
• 16:11
  Yeah, you put the tail in you, you you caught the Q&A.
• 16:15
  Dealing with my 20 year old daughter who has shown shown
• 16:17
  narcissistic traits and style of communication is very
• 16:19
  heartbreaking. Yeah.
• 16:19
  It's very, very tough. It is very tough to have a
• 16:22
  narcissist, a child that is narcissistic because they it's
• 16:25
  very because they it's very tough to try to breakthrough
• 16:27
  with them. My husband does the same blah,
• 16:32
  blah, blah. The police, most time we on
• 16:34
  their side, they're professional liars, but on whose side?
• 16:38
  That's why you that's why you have to document everything.
• 16:40
  Yeah, I'm not telling you you need those meta glasses, those
• 16:42
  meta ray band glasses, but you have to document every single
• 16:44
  thing. Neighbors.
• 16:48
  My neighbors called the police who made mine has did this
• 16:49
  American band so she can get away with her.
• 16:51
  But now I'm calling, I'm documenting everything.
• 16:53
  I got cameras pointing at their house, everything You you want
• 16:55
  to play? You want to oh, up in the middle
• 16:57
  night hiding this phone. Oh, hell no.
• 16:59
  There's definitely something going on right there.
• 17:01
  He's hiding this phone like a like a squirrel hiding acorns
• 17:04
  for hibernation. Hell no.
• 17:05
  He's definitely got something going on.
• 17:07
  Definitely my ex would keep his phone under the pillow when
• 17:10
  we're sleeping. I'm assuming your ex got caught
• 17:12
  up doing something too, didn't he?
• 17:14
  That's the telltale sign, y'all. I don't want to break the news
• 17:17
  to break it, to break it to you, But if they're hiding their
• 17:19
  phone under the pillow, they're not hiding a anniversary
• 17:22
  surprise for you, right? They're typically cheating, you
• 17:26
  know what I mean? But anyway, y'all, I do have to
• 17:28
  hop off this thing. I have a one-on-one call I have
• 17:30
  to do. I still do those over Zoom.
• 17:31
  You can find everything about me at mentalillness.net My
• 17:35
  one-on-one zoom calls. I just started text message
• 17:38
  coaching as well so you don't have to do a zoom call or phone
• 17:40
  call anymore. I do text message package for a
• 17:43
  week or for a whole month. So check that mental illness.net
• 17:47
  find everything there y'all appreciate y'all tuning in hit
• 17:50
  that subscribe button if you haven't thumbs up the video.
• 17:52
  You can watch the replay as well.
• 17:53
  Y'all if you haven't you missed some things.
• 17:55
  It was a fire video. Peace.
• 17:57
  Thank y'all.