Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #71 Surviving Daycare Disasters and Weekend Sweet Treats

Transcript

#71 Surviving Daycare Disasters and Weekend Sweet Treats · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Ash, I have a bone to pick with you. There
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: is something that you do that.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: I choose your offense by it if you're offended by it.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a little bit.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Every time we speak on the phone, you all get
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: an erection. You always say goodbye and then you just
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: sit there.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I don't want to be rude and hang up.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: But even if if you're at home and I'm driving,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: that means the priority.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Is for you to hang up.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't want to be just in case
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: you've got something else to say.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: We both said bye, there's a long pause.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: And then that's it. You hang up.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: I do that because my grandmother does that too, but
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: she won't actually care about your grandmother. How dare you?
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: You shut your beautiful mouth, she says.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to two dads.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Don't mean I'll do my intro then you can, okay,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to T dating Dads.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: I am Mattie Jay and I'm disappointed.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: the good, it is the bad and the relatable. And
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: if you've come wanning any type of advice, stop right now,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: thank you very much.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: I need somebody with a humaner.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: We're not the podcast for you as you probably tell
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: your grandma, what does she do?
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: Pretend like I'm interested?
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Lovely lady, lovely, lovely, lovely lady. She will not hang
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: up the phone. I'm saying, will not hang up the phone.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Is this the one that doesn't have she can't move,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: she's she's bedridden.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: No, I only have one. I only have one grandparent,
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: and she is not bedridden. She's far from it.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: But she, for my whole life, has never hung up
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: the phone on me, or actually once and we were like,
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: she must be sick.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: There must be like back in the day when phone's invented,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: they must be like, don't off the phone, otherwise you'll
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: lose your soul.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: She does this, she goes, okay bye, one two three,
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: you go bye?
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: One two three, all right, bye bye?
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: And why is she counting in like counting for me
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: to hang up?
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but like even if you go, oh are you driving,
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: I'll let you go, Let you go, let you go, okay.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Bye bye, one two three bye.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: To the point where I have to hang up on
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: her mid center.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: That's saying a lot from someone who never hangs out.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: I know she'll be like all right, but I don't
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: hung up anyway, So that's right, I get it. At
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: least give her the one, two three. Ah.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, I think we should probably have a cheeky little drop.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: We should, if we may, just something that I've had
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: sitting there in the fridge. Spicy cheers, my friend.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Matt.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: We are enjoying the NRB. However it's pronounced sorry nrb.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Ash.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: We weren't drinking the NRB. On the weekend just gone,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: we had another special drop from Stone and Wood, called
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: the Wood Fired Porter. This year's Stone beer boasts aromatic
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: notes of brood coffee, rich dark chocolate, hints of subtly
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: smoked barley.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: With a paw that mirrors the depths of night itself.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Each sip is velvety smooth, balanced by its steady fast bitterness.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Enjoy this one with a mate by the fire, like
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: we were on Sunurday night.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: The launch of this beer was at Festival of the
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Stone Barron Bay on the weekend just gone, where they
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: tapped the first cake and shared it with some locals.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: The blowings the blowing like the blowings like me and
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: and the broader community and ash. It was an event
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: that we were excited about for many many weeks.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: Ash. I think the last festival that.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: I went to was about eight years ago, same and
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: it was sick.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: It was awesome.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: We saw some great acts, some of whom happened to
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: be your family members.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: I did have some family playing there, your mum and
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: dad of a tambourine.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Not this year, maybe next year if they get the
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: call up. Yes, it was great, It was good fun.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: They do it every year, Matt. I just so happened
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: to form the first day of winter, hence the tapping
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: of the egg. Two of my cousins happened to play
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: in the beefs who played that were amazing. Two of
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: them the drummer and the guitars, both my cousin's talented
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: family and they are.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: Also one of them is also dating ruby Field's fun
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: fact whirl wind of a trip for me.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Laura was a static is probably the right word.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: She saw your face.
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: I was.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I was in Byron for my brother's fortieth First of
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: the Stone was that weekend. We were staying at a
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: hotel which also happened to be the hotel that you
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: were staying at.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so Stonewood had me up there for the event,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: which is great and also put me up in this
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: same hotel.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: Coincidentally, I didn't request that.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Just so happened, be honest, be honest, I put my
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: foot down and I said I must stay in the
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: unit directly next to them.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: That it wasn't like that. I did forget. I thought
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: it was hilarious. I forgot to tell Laura.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: It was one of those things that I was like,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I'll tell her in a second, And then before I
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: knew it, there was a voice that was bellowing out
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: from the reception area as a pull side and look
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: who it is, Lo and behold it's Ashwick.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: And your mum was so happy. She was weirdly happy,
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: weirdly happy. I haven't seen her since the cruise where
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: we had a brilliant time and what happened between we
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: just vibant. We're always vibing. That's like my key demographic
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: to a woman, is.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: There certain there's a line, all right when someone is
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: enjoying the company of a loved one and then it
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: starts to cross over.
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: Am I the loved one?
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: I just feel like I wouldn't be surprised in two
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: months down the track if I start calling you.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Dad, Yeah, well you might as well start now, are
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: you having sex with my mom?
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: No? Okay, I am not. April. Is that directed at
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: my mom? No, definitely not. But she was very happy
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: to Laula and Marley also happy to see you and
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: your sister all the females in your life. Really yeah,
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: and Bill.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Do you know what happened though? Actually we were having
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: a beautiful moment for my brother for his fortieth We
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: went running a circle.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Sounds like we're in a cult, you are, And we were.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Saying a nice memory for my brother and we were
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: like three siblings in you stormed.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: I was a reception, and I saw you kind of.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Like just waiting a subtle like just one second, you know,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: when you're like having a deeper, meaningful conversation, someone comes
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: in and you're.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: Like, I thought it was a what's up? Brother?
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: I just came bursting through the door with all this
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: renewed Johnson energy for you.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: The place went wild. That's how I remember it.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: But it was a great weekend, not only for my
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: brother who celebrated his fortieth birthday. Also, will just say
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: that Adam Johnson is single on my Instagram. I encourage
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: her any other single females out there to go check
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: them out, and also check out my two younger brothers.
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: As well, who are also single.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Them to try and get linked up with one of
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: my followers unsuccessfully for a long time now.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: Just solicting your brothers out.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: So just if you are interested, three brothers to pick from.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Is a twenty eight year old, thirty one year old
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: or a forty year old tea.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: You've really got so many options. Take all three if
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: you will. I've all got different hobbies.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: But it was a good weekend because I think the
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: last couple of weeks, Laura has been extremely busy, as
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: she always is, and we're very much in the routine
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: of just we wake up, Laura's out the door really early,
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: straight into the grind of getting kids ready, getting them
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: to daycare. You come home, you're tired from work, straight
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: into the bedtime routine.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, which and then by that time you're like, oh fuck, you.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Gotta cook dinner, You got to clean dinner, the laundry,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: back in bed, and you do it all again weekend weekends,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: and then kind of realize that there've been a little
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: period of time ash where Laura and I just went
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: dedicating decent amount of time.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: To each other you're talking about sex.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I was trying to be subtle, but also I will
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: caveat it and say that it may be sometimes like
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: two days before we've been together, and in my mind, I'm.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: Like, it's been months. I'm starving over this long, hard slug.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: It's a drought. They say.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I need something, some form of adventure, and it just
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: so happened that the timing was right.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: Holidays is always a good one. Gets everyone. Juice is flying.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: I was trying to keep this PG mate. Juice is flowing.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: Laura was squirting. Oh my god, I'm joking. I'm joking.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: She's not a squirter. Yeah I am. I'm sorry.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Sorry to all the parents out there who came for
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: the discussion about kids and have ended up in this.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: Like cesspit of a conversation.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: So I don't want to turn my own horn here ash,
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: but I will reveal great news.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: Is sorry, Sorry, sorry?
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Can I just say what?
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: What?
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Parents out there who were married have time for anal sex?
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: Send in, write in and tell us I mean, are
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: you are you having anal sex? No? That's my point.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: That's where you can poop from. That's it if you
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: ask me.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: No, one has not we've got five minute windows, and
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: you know, if we're going down that route, take one.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: Excuse me, I don't know what I think. We've gone
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: off track here, let's get back, let's bring it. No,
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: you never had no, never, not once, not one a
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: man or a woman. You're telling you.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Sorry, this is not about my sexual history. I made
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: a silly joke and we've gone on a tangent.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: So Laura and I had we had sex twice.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: Two times in two days. In two days.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: Look, it's shut up, it's you know when you have
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: done it, you've cracked the code.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: How did you do it? I don't know even Laura
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: and I. Did you use the same move twice to
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: get it going?
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Or you just oh yeah, missionary, that's all we got.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: Belly to belly.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it wasn't intentional. I didn't go into this holiday
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: with the sex.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: Wasn't intentional.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Not the second wasn't It wasn't the second time round,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: first time round. We're both like, tonight to the night,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: like we're doing get the kids to bed, like one
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: more story. We're like, you guys are going to bed
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: because mom and dad need our special time. So the
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: night one tick that box. We're good to go. And
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I was satisfied. I was happy, I was content. I
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: was already like after that. The next morning, I was
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: skipping down to breakfast. I was the birds are chirping,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: the sun was shining, the flowers smell beautiful, and my family.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Were like, meanwhile, it's actually raining. Everything is perfect.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I was loving life. And then second night, I just
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: went to give a kiss good night. That was it,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: and it went for a split second too long. A
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: tongue slipped in, and then Laura and.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: I were like, are we doing this?
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: So you okay, let me get astraight. You have sex
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: one night and sex the following night. Similar times. I'd
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: say say, so, what you could really really be bragging
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: about it here is that you had sex twice in
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: twenty four hours.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: I mean, what a man, What a man? What a
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: manny good man.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Laura and I afterwards were like, I don't think that's happened.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I don't think we've had sex that much since like
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: The Bachelor finished. Wow, people will now refer to me
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: as a sex maniac. I may have a sex addiction.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: And when I by the way, how many times do
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: you think you have to have sex in a week
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: before it's considered an addiction.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: I think I'm there. I am self listening to bro.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: It's like someone who's just sprinted on a hundred meters
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: being like, I'm pretty much a marathon, right, I'm pretty.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Sure they've got to do it like every day, like
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: every like multiple times a day.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: Not that I would know. I'm almost there. You're so close. Yeah,
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: one more day. So it was a great holiday. I
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: had a good time. Enough about your sexy time, Matthew.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: There's something serious coming up, something serious on the calendar,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: which is Oscar's birthday, and you made a very strong
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: promise you were going to organize a manly see Oh.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: Shit, mascot.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Yes, Oh it's going very well because it is a
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: manly Sea Eagles themed birthday party and it's oscars. Those
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: who are just catching up on this. It is the
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: first ever birthday party the Oscar's ever had. He's very excited.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Does he realize the enormity of the situation.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, does he? Yeah? He can see the pressure,
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: you can feel it.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, He's like, there's so much tension in the household
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: I think I may have fucked up.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Oh god, but wait, the good thing is we have
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: time two weeks away.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Just keeping in mind as well that April doesn't know
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: that I fucked this up. So she's listening right now.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: She's finding out for the she's finding out for the
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: first time, and I'm hiding.
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, so spit it out. What do you got? Okay?
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: So Manly Sea Eagles themed. So April Special ordered some stickers,
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: little Manly Sea Eagle stickers to go onto the lollig bags.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: What's the problem. This sounds great.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: So she's ordered the stickers that take eight to ten
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: days to be delivered.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: I think I accidentally threw them out. How did you
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: do that? And she keeps checking the tracking because they
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: haven't updated the tracking, and surely did say it's been delivered.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: No, there was something obscure looking in the letterbox, and
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: I thought it was junk mail.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: It's abom.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: I thought it was junk mail because I didn't know
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: that she was waiting on the stickers. So I've just
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: got the whole pile of shit and thrown it in
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: the recycling. Two days later, it was like, hey, can
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: you run out and check the letterbox. I think the
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: stickers have been delivered because it's been ten business days.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: They said, ten business days, it'll be here, and I went.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: So, what's your course of action? Now?
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: I went to the letterbox just so I didn't look guilty,
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: just to check.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: Like a fake walk to the letter box. Yeah, I
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: just went for a walk to me. Let me just
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: check the sat the garage I was. I was like soquiet,
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: like you sure sure?
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, the tracking has an updated
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: but it's but it's yeah.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: And I was like okay, yeah, So.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: I love how committed you are to just not revealing
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: that you've done something wrong where you just like.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: It was the day. It was the day.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: But she asked me to check the day I was
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: leaving to go to Byron to meet you, and I
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I quickly run out of check. So
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: just Saturday, ran out, checked, came back.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: I was actually opened the letter box. Yeah, you played
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: the part. It's not that bad. Yeah. And then she
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: was like, oh okay, I'm like, look, we've probably come
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: on down Tuesday.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: So I've been like just trying to fix the problem.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: I haven't fixed it yet and she doesn't know. So
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: by the time she hears this, I will hopefully have
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: having a solution.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: What is the solution here? I mean, because you can't
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: or you could reorder you have time.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: No, I don't. It's business days. No need to yel
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: there's business days.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: You're raising your voice, and I appreciate your stress right now,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: but there's no need to direct it at me.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: That's okay, that's okay.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: You've got yourself in this situation.
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: I'm trying get out of it. You've only got yourself
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: to blame. I do.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Can I help you in any way? Can I offer
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: my assistance? No, you've got your job, which just don't
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: let me down. Okay, just an update on that, by
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: the way. Okay, I did message manly you on Instagram
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and they blocked you no reply. They are playing hard
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: to get. I'm going to try as hard as I can,
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: but I just don't want to promise it. I just
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: don't tell Oscar.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: Already too late. It's fun, I've told you. Okay.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: If I can't get the actual mascot, I'll just get
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: like an eagle, Okay, like maybe like a fake eagle.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, actually I'll get a balled eagle, a real balld
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: eagle that might be dangerous around a bunch of kids. No,
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: that's what they want. I've told me that's what they want.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: So if you you when you have an update, yeah,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: and I'll let you know once i've fixed this problem.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: But April, if you are listening, I'm sorry. I am
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: too much of a coward to admit this to you.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: And April, if you're also listening, I will not bring
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: a live balled eagle to the party.
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: I promise you that. But there will be an eagle
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: or some description. Yes, let's hope, so there won't be
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: any eagle stickers.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Can I just say, can I just say just so
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: you know, just you know, I had a job come
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: through for that weekend for Oscar's party, and I turned
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: it down.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: Okay, money was no good. You're not getting paid to
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: come to this birthday party. You know.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: This is my appearance fee. I've sent your voice in
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: the post.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: This in the post, I'll just throw it at This
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: birthday means a lot to me.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Oh so what you're saying is you're going to somehow
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: make this about you.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: That's what I'm here.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: All I want you to know is that it means
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: a lot to me, and it means a lot to
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Oscar and come hell of high water. I will be
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: there in attendance with your whole family.
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll bring Ellie along my mum.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: Should we dress as an eagle? Please bring your mum. Actually,
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: I'll be super exciting. I'll bet you will. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: April would joking.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Ill, I'm going to put that in there, just in case,
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: just in case, I'm not joking.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: It's a beautiful seventy three year old woman.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: I definitely threw those sticks out and I'm sorry. Also,
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: just with the Facebook, Matt, the Facebook, the Facebook group,
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: I do appreciate all of the suggestions for the lollibags.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of people in the now we ballooned
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: from like one hundred and fifty members to now I
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: think three fifty.
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: Were nearly four hundred. Oh shit, we've gone viral. We've
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: gone viral.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: We had some great suggestions for the Yeah, Plato always
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: goes down.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Well, April, I said, did you get the Plato? And
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: she said no, no, no. I went with slime. No, no, fuck,
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: I'm giving you double slime is a nightmare.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, slime. That wanted to know, dude, I'm just saying
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: it's not to me. I've got my handful with his
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: sticker stuff.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: No name one situation where slime with kid under the
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: age of ten has gone, well.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: I don't have one. I don't have one. There you
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: go and I look you're looking at.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Like my jurisdiction, it's a countdown of at least maximum
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: five minutes before it gets in their eye, in their hair,
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: on the furniture, on a pet it's hey, I'm sorry,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: I apologize out of my jurisdiction.
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: I don't want to tell you my hands full with
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: the sticker situation. You guys are two adults.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Can't monitor every purchase, okay, just this party.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: My only advice for the party bags other than the slime,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: is just making sure there's no choking hazards.
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: Oh, the gues's gonna be full of draging hazards. That's
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: just what lollibags are.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: And open it up and there'll be no stickers, serrated knives, blades,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: slime syringers, and then I'll.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Get you and you go about.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: They ask going love, But we appreciate the suggestion we
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: do in the face game, coming through, come through. We've
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: got time, ash, I made a mistake, you a mistake. No,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I know, it doesn't happen often, it doesn't happen often.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: The way that the response ability between me and Laura
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: is split up with the kids is that I do everything.
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: Kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Laura is very good. Laura is very good, she owns
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: the money. I look after the kids. Sounds good, But
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: when it comes to anything daycare related, because I normally
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: do the drop offs and the pickups, I'm the one
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: that's aware of when there's you know, certain things happening,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: for example, like a morning tea, like Halloween dress up.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: We had pajama Day the other day. I'm the one
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: that has to be aware of those type of calendar events.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I am familiar with the calendar events.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: And I missed a very important date. So the date
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: that I missed ash was one that we were informed about.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: I want to say, like at least two weeks in advance.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: There's a massive notice board at the entrance to the
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: daycare that says like, don't forget next week. On Tuesday,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: it's daycare photo day. Oh fuck, And and for us
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: it's a very important day. They have a great photographer
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: come in and it's a chance that we get for
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: the girl to have a photo together that's a beautiful keepsake.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're not like a shit photo on the weekend
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: where they're like trying to outdo each other.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know how this particular photographer does it, but
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: she gets great shots. Last year's photos, chef's kisses.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: Candid Yeah, yeah, I hate, I hate.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: I hate the daycare photos because they're so posed, Like
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: especially with Oscar, they put him in some pose like
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: his hands in his pocket but his thumb's out.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: He looks like, what's wrong with that?
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: He looks at the dad from Full House Little Daddy
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Tanner action. He looks great, short jeans. Yeah, what's what's
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: wrong with the hand in the pocket.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: It just looks just looks too posy.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, if he's doing like the eyebrow rub, or
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: if he's doing like fixing up the button of his
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: sleeve on a.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: Tea French calf, Yeah, did I get it?
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: And he's doing like legs crossed too much, too much.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: But if he's doing a hand in the lean, like
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: it's going to be one of his head shots for
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: those wondering ashes, pretending like he's leaning on a wall
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: looking over the shoulder with a raised eyebrow, which.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: I think is a beautiful part.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, but they look it's a good mix summer candid summer.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: But that's fine.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: When I get the girls ready in the morning, Ash,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: I normally just take the path of least resistance, which
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: means I let the girls pick what they want to wear. Yeah,
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: like what whether it's mismatched socks, okay, whether it's a
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: T shirt that was when there were two and it's
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: like and they're like, that's what I want to wear.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: I'm like, that's what that's what you want. That's what
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: you get. I don't care as we can get out
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: the house climate appropriate.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Well, even if it's not, I'm like, they'll find out
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: the hard way. I'll put it jumper in the bag.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think that morning Lola was wearing an
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: old Christmas T shirt.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: Was it was it like a came up.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: There was a Mickey Mouse one, but it was too small,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: been in the dryway too many times, so her little
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: belly was sticking out. Marley was wearing like those Cama leggings.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: They lose their elasticity so they kind of full down
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: her ass and they're also like halfway up per calf.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: They're so short now as well, And I was like, whatever,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: it's fine, they're wearing something. But also they hate me
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: doing their hair.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, So I'm like, sweet.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: If you want to go out looking like that, it's
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: on you.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it doesn't bother you, doesn't bother me. So I
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: got the daycare.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm at the finish line. I can
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: drop them off. I can get a moment of freedom.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: And I looked at the fucking sign at the entrance
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: to daycare and I was like.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: Today's the day we're having photos. Fucking what'd you do?
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: What are your options?
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Though I knew that Laura would kill me if I
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: didn't do something about the situation.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'd be like too bad. I turned around
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: and I got a new outfit. You did you leave?
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: How did that work? You drive all the way home?
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: I kicked the girls out of the car, dropped them
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: off a daycare, went back to get the routfits, and
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I got them their beautiful party dresses that they're only
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: allowed to wear at birthday parties. They can't wear a
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: daycare because they get them way too messy with paint.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: And so that was a treat in itself. I got
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: them the sparkly jackets that they always want to wear,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: but I don't allow them to wear.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: Because they get it too dirty. That's one with a
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: sequence the secret. Yes, you know it. You know it.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: You're a big fan. And we've got some beautiful photos.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: Oh that's great, I'm happy. What about the hair? Ah,
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: who did the hair? They do the hair there? How
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: do they know how to do the hair?
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: So because there's a girl called Savannah who was just
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: like the queen of doing the hair.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: Ah, I suck. I don't know what she does.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: But they come back home with like beautiful French braids
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: and Savannah's like, that's fifty dollars.
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: How did you get them to sit there that long?
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: Like to do that?
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Don't ask me, bro as Savannah, we.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: Need to get her in for a lesson. That'd be'd
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: be something I'll be willing to do.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: But the photos were great, photos were great.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: I'm glad.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy speaking of a pickups mat and drop offs,
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: because you know that in my house there's an array
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: of people to do, an array of jobs.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: One is the pick army behind.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: You say it takes a village, it definitely does. I'm
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: the village idiot. Sorry, let me redo that. How did
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: I get there? How did I get there?
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Well? We did? Do you want to try it again?
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: You can do it.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: I can't believe I fumbled up the idiot. They say
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: it takes They say it takes.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: A village Matt, and I just happen to be the
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: village idiot and insert laugh. Okay, so how dare you
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: so we do? I didn't even rehearse that. It just
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: came to me. Then do we just juggle? Who does
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: the pickups?
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Really the drop offs is just April and I unless
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: we both have a work commitment. And then Popper comes
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: in day of the day. Who's paper is April's dad?
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: Frank?
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Poppa shout out to Frank. He won't be listening because
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: I doubt that he wants to hear his son in
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: law yap on. I'm the APPA of the family, believe
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: it or not.
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: And so we do it.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: We take turns in specific days. My wife's a very
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: scheduled person. She hates it when things go out the window.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: So I do the pick up on Monday because April
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: is home with Macy. It's a Macy April day, and
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: I pick up Oscar from pre school around three thirty
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: four o'clock.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: Depending how busy I am today, he's gonna have to wait.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: I'll be honest.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I really appreciate you giving your entire weekly schedule.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: I'll make it any fast, but Tuesday and Wednesday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: Papa pick picks them up and keeps them to five o'clock,
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Thank heavens, which is amazing.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: Love that because both April and I work Tuesday. But
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: then I pick him up again on Thursday.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, it's part of the story, but every time
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: I can you let me get through it. Every time
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I pick an Oscar up on a Thursday, I can't
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: work under these conditions. Continue continue what day about Thursday, Thursday,
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: We're at Thursday and then Friday night, Thursday, I pick
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Oscar up and he's very disappointed all the time, and
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: he's sad disappointed, and I'm picking him up.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: And not Popper because he obviously loves Popper so much,
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: or as I thought, Pop has been doing something that
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: you've told him not to do it, I'm not to
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: do it.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: And it's such a grandparent thing. And you'll pick up
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: on this and the parents at home who are listening
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: will also pick up on this that grandparents do this.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: He gives him a special treat every time he picks
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: him up, and I can't compete with that. Okay, I've
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: tried to compete with it, like by saying, oh, I've
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: got something in the car, but it's never good enough.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: I don't know what he's given him. He's been told
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: not to do it, but he's sneakily doing it.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: Did you tell him or did April? April? Not me?
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: I was wow.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: So I imagine you like sitting down Pop and being.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: Like, mate, me to talk.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, listen to mate, I'm going to rain you in.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: It's not me that's doing it. But April's told him
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: once and April's like, look, did he hate it? He
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: must have, because he now he does it behind our backs.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: And it's like April's like, I'm not.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: Going to say anything else because he's honestly doing as
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: a massive favor.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: So now, because that is the tricky thing, isn't it,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Because on the one hand, you very much appreciate what
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: he's doing, but at the same time, you're like.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: Now he expects a special treat every time I'm setting
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: the kid up to fail.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: No resilience in that child. No, and what do I
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: do do?
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: I just join the duck side and say to Popa, hey,
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: what do you give him? So I know to take
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: that with me to when I pick you up. I've
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: tried all sorts of things. I've been like, what about this,
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: You come get the car and we'll go to.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: The park, because it's the proper oscar will take you
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: for a walk or a shuffle.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: And I've been like, well what about I've got Sometimes
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I take Macy with me to like soften the blow deal.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Macy's like, what the It's not even my day to
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: be here, And then it's just nothing's working, so I
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: just have to I think I'm just going to have
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: to take the disappoint And I even tried to explain
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: to him that it's not a special treat if you
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: get it every day, so that's why it's special.
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: When Poper picture up and he stills just like yeah,
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: but I want one, but I want.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: It, it sounds like he needs someone else external to
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: the family to have a word with Poppa.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: I thought you kidnap him.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, if you want to give me his address, I
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: will all phone number.
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: I will you can have it. I can have a
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: quick aspect to stern call from Maddie J.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: I understand how frustrating it is because Laura had a
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: period where she was away for work quite a lot.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: It's when she was doing the live shows. Oh yeah,
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: and every time should come back, there's one of the
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: news agencies at the airport that sell these little soft
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: toys and the kids absolutely love it. They go mad
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: for it, and she'd come home and she'd give them
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: the toy, and the kids kind of got into the
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: routine of.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: The expect it when when you come home, they're like,
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: where is it? Yeah?
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Literally yeah, literally, like zero affection. And then when you say, oh,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: there's no there is there is no toy, there's nothing here,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: they just flip out like.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: You're dead to me. Now.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: The other day we posted a video of Macy and
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: her attempt at pronouncing the word truck.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: Do you mind if we put that in here right
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: now so people quiznip it? Yeah? Yeah, here's what she said, Macy,
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: can you say truck just one more time? For me?
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: Did you? Did you say? O? God? She's adorable. I
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: know the best part of that video is that I said,
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: you know you said fuck and she was like, yeah,
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: I know what I'm doing. You should hear us say,
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: oh no, it's great. So we did put a call out.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Matt, well, you did on the back of that because
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: you thought it'd be hilarious, which I also concurred.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: There are many words that kids say unintentionally turning them
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: into swear words. And let's be honest, as much as
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: we don't want kids to swear, there is nothing funnier
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: than a toddler dropping the F as well as many
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: other profanities. So here are a few words that kids
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: accidentally turn into swear words. Crocodile turns into fucodile, Garbage
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: truck turns into fuckage, fuckage, thank you turns into fuck you.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: We say they don't know, but they definitely. I've got
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: a couple here really quick. So this one says my
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: son says dinosaur, but it always sounds like asshole. I
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: don't know how everything to into like like it just
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: turns into fucking Okay, what do you think This one is?
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: Fuck a fly? That's a butterfly? Yeah, I go on here,
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: fucking button? Oh what you got?
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Spring rolls struggling with That one turns into fucking rolls.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: I don't know these kids what they just love saying.
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: They just love the fuck word. You go, okay, how
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: do you think this kid says? Popcorn? Corn cockcorn.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: Kids asking for chocolate? They call it shit cock.
• 32:47
  Speaker 5: It doesn't even sound like it. Beach bitch, that's pretty
• 32:52
  Speaker 5: beastic bitch. They his parents written in and said that
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: their child would yell out, look.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: At my dick. Oh that's a nice dick. What are
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: they referring to you? Oh, you got a dick too.
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: My dick's too long. I feel you.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Talking about a stick. Talking about a.
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: Stick, I'd say the darndest things don't brilliant. That's brilliant, brilliant,
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: very very good.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: And as a parent, that's a little like humorous boost
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: that you need to get through the day slash week.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, I love that. All right, Well, let's move on
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: to our favorite segment. Man. Petty couples. Petty couples, petty couple,
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: Welcome down the street, petty couple. They can I like
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: with me? Couple, I love you, but immit you, No
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: one can push me quite like you.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: So this is the segment where you write in the
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: petty little thing that you do to your significant other
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: because we love that shit. I got a couple of
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: quick ones I want to rattle off, Matt.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: You know I like a quick ash. I know, Laura
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: told me, all right, this one's from Joan. Fuck you.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Joan leaves the plastic on the cheese sandwich because he
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: should be making his own lunch.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: Just absolutely I agree.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Do you know? It's an important lesson that I learned
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: as a youngster. And if you do a job badly,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: you don't get asked to do it again.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, at least. Look. I like the ones.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: This one had context to why she does that go on?
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: But the next one there's no context, And I don't
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: know why. Obviously they've just got this secret. Maybe they
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: resent them and they just need to do this. But
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: Hallie says, I folded all his socks with odd ones.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: Good good, It's so like it's small, petty cod harmlet.
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: But what led you to that point? Yeah, that's what
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: I want to know.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no I think I dislike more ash in this. Well,
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: actually a few things, but let's not go let's not
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: go into it. Why I dislike wearing odd socks. It
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: just I just can't do it, Ash, Yes, I have.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: I have one here. It's a bit of a long one.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: I won't say her name. She would like to say anonymous,
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: and of course I will respect those wishes. You can,
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: of course, a reminder to everyone out there, you do
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: not have to give your name.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: We don't want to cause divorce.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: We don't do we We we should like invest, like
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: buy into a divorce lawyer.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: And live on. Okay, this is from to say a name.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: I will not nearly.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: My husband and I have just celebrated our five year anniversary, congratulations,
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: and we are pretty petty fantastic. The latest petty thing
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: I've done, however, is somewhat fair. Let us be the
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: judge of that, she says. Ash I refuse to share
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: my pubic hair because he refuses to shave his mustache.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: Whoa yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me stop your
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: eye there, go on. There is nothing wrong with a
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: man's mustache, and there's nothing someone call it the womb broom.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: There is nothing wrong with a hairy viageme.
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: Absolutely not that.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: Both are beautiful in their own right. Yeah, let's continue,
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: she says.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: Let me explain.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: My husband is a firefighter and they're not allowed to
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: grow a beard, so they're only allowed to grow a mustache,
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: and they have to have a clean shave and every shift.
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: Her husband has decided yet again to grow his mustache.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: But the issue is he grows their thickest hairs on
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: his upper lip, resulting in what looks like a seventies
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: porn star stash that never softens. So kissing him is
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: like kissing a cactus.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: So the petty thing is she just refuses to shave
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: a bush. He's probably like thinking, how good.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Is Maybe he likes it.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: He's getting the seventies pointstersh Maybe he likes a Harry
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: bush downstairs.
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: Maybe Look, I don't think it's that petty. I think
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: it's I think it's beautiful of the mustache, of the
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: mustache and your bush.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: Let's gets some listening questions, so I'll go first. Man,
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: I have a question, Well, I don't I always say
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: that Taylor does. How do you cope when your partner's
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: parents don't like you?
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: I can't give an answer based on personal experience because
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: everyone has always loved me, and I've never had a
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: situation where a parent, Yeah, they've always been pretty happy
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: that I've been dating their child.
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: I played that very cool. Then I know a friend.
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: I have a friend I won't say his name is Matthew.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: But they had a similar nario where this woman had
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: gotten together with a guy and she was lovely. She
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: was you know, if you're wanting someone to marry your son.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: This woman ticked all the boxes.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: She was considerate, she was kind, she was hard working,
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: she had a lot of love to give, excited to
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: be a mom, also career driven, just like all around
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: great person. And yet from the get go the mom
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: hated her, the.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: Mother in law. Mother in law.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the mother of the guy hated this woman.
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: Do you think it's like like a bit of a
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: like are not good enough my son complex? It was.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: It was down to the fact that the mom thought
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: she had an issue with the fact that she was like.
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: Losing her son oh to another woman. And it didn't
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: matter what.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: She did, she always like had an issue with how
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: she was doing things. Whether it was like that's on
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: the mom though, that's what And it's similar to this
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: scenario here is like what's your reasoning?
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: Like you're I know, it.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: Must be really hard. I can imagine that when my
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: children grow up, when they are you know, having their
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: own families, and then you know, either will be a
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: period where I'll be like waving goodbye to them and
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: they're going to.
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: Hate them, unless it's a truly haterable person.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if you're disliking your child's partner purely based on
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: the fact that you feel like the relationship is being removed,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: grow the fuck up.
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, totally, grow the fuck up.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: The thing that sucks is, though, if you're on the
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: receiving end, you have to I think just acknowledge that
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: that relationship, unfortunately, may never get better. The person who
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: I'm referring to, they've been married for almost ten years now,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: and the relationship has never.
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: Progressed, never progressed that level of tension. Question for you,
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: A yes. Do you have any advice?
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: Is?
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: This is from Charlotte.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: She asks, do you have any advice for how you
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: can get your children to wipe their own bar?
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: No, anyway, that side tells me that you are a
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: man who was defeated. Yeah, look, I hate does Oscar?
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: First of all, Oscar will sit there on the toilet
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: heeo pool and you're going, mom, it was like busy
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: or something like, oh do it Okay, I'll do it,
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: and he's like, no, Mom, Like, first of all, ouch,
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: it's not a pleasure to wipe your asshole. But and
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: I've been trying to be like, you're going to have
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: to do this on your own, mainly because the other
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: day I was wiping his bart my finger slips through
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: the toilet paper. Ah, not good, not good, pool all
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: over my finger.
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: Get that thing away from me. Fucking weird. Anyway, I
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: was like, so making make him wipe his own bum, right.
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: I was like, you need to.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: Wipe your own bomb. And he was like no, And
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: I was like, okay, And I've said this before. If
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: you're not gonna wipe your bum and I have to
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: wipe your bum, that means you you have to wipe
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: my bump from now on.
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: Oh and I made it sound as bad as it
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: actually is.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: You gotta be careful because that could get your children
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: taken away from me.
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: I just wanted it to be like, oh no, why,
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: I'd much rather do my own. So far hasn't worked.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: I still wipe in his butt, but and I even go,
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: I even do what he does, and I open the
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: door and I go oscar like just to tease him,
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: smell from behind must be I was opened the door,
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, who am I kidding?
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: The door's already opened. I'm like, Oscar can't wipe my butt, no, like,
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: So I'm working on him.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: I'm wearing him down because even when I have had Marley,
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: who's now almost five, wipe her own bump.
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: It's just making a mess. So you'd much rather just
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: do it. Yeah, I just do it properly.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: Otherwise otherwise she's going to be that d she'll like
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: just smear shit literally everywhere on the toilet seat on
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: her backside, and she'll whip he under his own and
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: get dressed and be like when finished. She doesn't understand
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: like that, you have to wipe until the toilet paper's clean.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like that time where I told that story
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: where Oscar pooped in the back of the thatpy and
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: the inflicted against the wall and it hit the wall
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: and slid down the tile ball.
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they don't understand it. They don't get it. They
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: don't get it. So I've got no advice. Then just
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: persevere until they move out.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: Before we go, Matt, we do have a little treat
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: okay off the back of our little stone and would
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: chat earlier.
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: If something's come up, it's naked photos of ash with
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: it's just the cases of Stone and with themselves.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: Yes, to celebrate the release of the wood fired port,
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: we have a carton to give away, Matt, How does
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: someone win this?
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: All you have to do is share a story of
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: yourself listening to two doting dads tag us tag Stone,
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: and would follow both accounts, and we'll pick someone at
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: random to win the case of beer.
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: And we'll pick someone at random. Can I win this one?
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: You already have like twelve cases in your garage?
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: I would need one more ash.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: We better, we better back up, mate, because it's time
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: for lunch and I need to drive back to Bondai,
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: which will take me.
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: Back to the motherland. Quick retreat.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: But if you have enjoyed this episode, we would love
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: it if you would share it with anyone else out
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: there who you think may benefit from two idiots talking
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: about the hardships of parenting.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: Maybe give us a review, Maybe it'd be nice Spotify people.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, can I just can I have a qualm with
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: people who give us a five star rating and don't
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: leave it and don't leave any comments.
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: Just just I will not wipe your bum No, yes,
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: don't appreciate it.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: FWO point nine stars is apparently let's yeah. Whoever's bringing
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: us down that point one.
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: Lookout, but we'll see you guys next episode.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: peoples to day. This episode was recorded on Gadigal Land