Latest / STOPTIME: Live in the Moment. / 💡 From “I Should” to “I Could”: Releasing Shame and Reclaiming Choice

Transcript

💡 From “I Should” to “I Could”: Releasing Shame and Reclaiming Choice · STOPTIME: Live in the Moment.

• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Hey there, in this episode, my coaching insight comes from a conversation that I had with someone whose work I admire deeply.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: What started as a casual exchange turned into a powerful reflection on a core tenet of what I call energetic choice.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: So often we trap ourselves in shame when we say I should, but what happens when we shift to I could and from there ask do I want to?
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: We explore how language shifts energy, how to reframe judgment with empathy, and why using your imagination and humor might just save your day.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: My full conversation with the wonderful Kristen Anderson Lopez drops next week on Stop Time Live in the Moment, so be sure to check that out.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: But in the meantime, I invite you to join us for this quick little nugget that we shared and see what resonates with you.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: I call, I should, I could, with shame, ah.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: So you lose the shame and then you're standing in could and you're standing in capability, and then you're back in choice.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I could do that.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Do I want to?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Now, why is it shame?
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Because Think about it.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Every time you say I should, there's shame Because you're like I should because, or I should have.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I heard you say sometimes look back and say you should have.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: You know you could have done that.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: You chose not to Right.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: What can I learn from that?
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: When we're looking back and should, it's great to really lose the shame and then to live in that you know that's something I could have done, but I didn't.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: And guess what?
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: We always do the very best Right.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I could have done, but I didn't.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: And guess what?
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: We always do the very best Right, always, in every moment.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: In retrospect it's easy to go no, no, that wasn't very good, not true?
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Nobody plays to lose, nobody Right.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's where we get to have empathy for others instead of judging them Because even though they're not showing up in a way that we think is very good, they're doing the best they can.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: I do love.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: That is such a great reset in in those moments that you're like, even when you're like, why are you looking at your phone while you're going up the subway stairs?
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: And then you just have to tell yourself like I'm sure she's doing her best, like maybe it's her caregiver, or you know she's getting an emergency text, or maybe she's just anxious and she's needing to touch in, like you just have to kind of reframe it and use that storytelling mind in a good way.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Rather than everybody, yeah, yeah, everybody.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Totally.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you could have fun with that.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: You could use fun which is a value of yours to.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: So when you start to feel agitated is to go into that fun, creative mode and go okay, that person is really annoying and it's obviously just you know.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: You know it's going too slow and you know making a line in the grocery store and and on their phone and not looking up and not caring.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Or you know going too slow and you know making a line in the grocery store and and on their phone and not looking up and not caring.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Or you know what else could be true about this character.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, maybe they're talking too.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, you can just have fun with it and time will pass and it may be true that they were just doing bullshit on their phone, but you had fun they could have been doing the connections they could have been, or they could have been doing exactly what you were judging them for doing.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: But but why?
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Why must you suffer?
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Because you're judging someone else we create suffering for, for our of our own.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: So, Preach.