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WAVE: Big Book Study with Corey Session Eight - More About Alcoholism Part 2 · The Daily Ripples Podcast

0:00
So hey guys,
0:03
this is the Wave book study, and man,
0:07
we just got done with, uh, page 30 through 35.
0:11
And the way I split that up is because I built— I believe
0:15
30 through 35 is more in-depth about alcoholism, more about it.
0:19
And from 35 to the end of the chapter, it talks
0:23
more about some examples, which also talks about alcoholism. But I think,
0:27
you know, splitting those examples— I mean, 30 through 35
0:31
has one example, and it's the man of 30.
0:34
But these examples kind of have some dudes in there that
0:38
when they come and approach that, like some guys from AA come
0:41
and approach them, or you have the, uh, jaywalker, but the
0:47
jaywalker still goes to the hospital. So I think it's all relevant. But the man
0:50
of 30, just, he started drinking after
0:55
being sober for 35 years and
0:59
then died 4 years later. Um, so anyways,
1:02
so we're gonna start on page 35, second paragraph,
1:06
and it says, our first example is a friend we shall
1:11
call Jim. And who we're talking— who Jim is in real life is Ralph Furlong.
1:16
Um, this man has a charming wife and family.
1:19
He inherited a lucrative automobile agency.
1:23
He had a commendable World War record. He is a good salesman. Everybody likes him.
1:28
He's an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see,
1:32
except for a nervous disposition. I have nervous
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disposition highlighted and out to the right, RID, restless,
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irritable, discontent. He did no drinking until he was
1:43
35. In a few years, and I have this
1:47
highlighted because I understand, he became so violent when
1:51
intoxicated that he had to be committed. On leaving the asylum,
1:55
he came to contact with us. So I have underlined,
2:01
he came into contact with us, and I said, started going to meetings,
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right? So it says, we told him what we
2:08
knew about alcoholism. So that's like the deal, right?
2:11
Like someone starts going to meetings, we tell them what we
2:15
know about alcoholism and the answer we have found for
2:19
the physical and mental state, right? He made a beginning.
2:24
And I kind of broke this part down and I thought that it was kind
2:27
of like how I kind of viewed it was we told them what
2:31
we knew of alcoholism, step 1, the answers we had found, step 2.
2:35
So when someone comes into a meeting, right, that they're given hope.
2:40
Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
2:44
So like when I come, like, and I see that in these rooms, right?
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I see that in these rooms where people are at that they have brought to
2:52
be brought back to sanity. So that's hope, right?
2:55
And then it says, He made a beginning. And I put step 3,
2:59
because I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the
3:03
care of God as I understood Him. I'll tell you, man, I didn't know what
3:05
will and life was. But when someone told me,
3:09
change the word will to thoughts and life
3:13
to actions. So I made a decision to turn my life and my actions
3:17
over to this program. That made more sense.
3:20
So he made a beginning. His family was reassembled,
3:24
and he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost
3:29
during drinking. All went well for a time. I have this highlighted
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right here. But he failed to enlarge
3:37
his spiritual life. So I have that highlighted, and then out to the right of
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my page 14, the reason I have page 14 marked right
3:45
there Is because, like, so you, like, I mean,
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I would— that you would have at one point asked, you know, how do I
3:52
enlarge my spiritual life? Because this dude, he, he failed to. And people
3:56
in meetings will tell you, just go to more meetings, you know, that's how you
3:59
do that. No, it's not. Not at all. Because at the
4:03
bottom of page 14, it says this: faith
4:08
without works was dead, he said, and how appalling truth for the alcoholic! And there's
4:12
an exclamation mark after that. For if the alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his
4:17
spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice
4:22
for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots
4:25
ahead. So that's how— work
4:29
and self-sacrifice for others. That's it. That's— it's not you're going to go to
4:33
church and do this. I mean, you got to do those things. Like, we don't—
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we're not against that, but that's not how it says to stay sober.
4:42
So it says all went well for a time, but he failed to enlarge his
4:45
spiritual life. To his consternation,
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to his amazement. So consternation, it means amazement.
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He found himself drunk a half dozen times in rapid succession.
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On each of these occasions, we worked with him,
5:00
reviewing carefully what had happened. He agreed he
5:05
was a real alcoholic in a serious condition. He knew
5:09
he faced another trip to the asylum if he kept on. Moreover, he would
5:13
lose his family from who he had a deep affection.
5:18
Yet he got drunk again. I got that highlighted right there because it's,
5:22
you know, story of my life, right? We asked him to tell us exactly
5:25
how it happened. This is the story. I came
5:29
to work on Tuesday morning, and I think the important thing is to remember that
5:33
Tuesday morning— he didn't come to work on Monday. I came to work on Tuesday
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morning. I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for
5:43
for a concern I once owned. I had a few words with the boss,
5:47
but nothing serious.
5:49
So the dude— so he used to own the company.
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And so you think about like how the feel— that feeling is like if you
5:56
own the company, then someone else took over the company because you were drunk.
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When you come into work on Tuesday, not Monday, because you didn't come into Monday
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because you spent all Sunday doing Sunday Funday, right?
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It, you know, so he's already irritated.
6:17
Then it goes on to say, then I decided to drive into the country and
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see one of my prospects for a car. On the way, I felt hungry,
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so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. And,
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you know, everywhere has a bar.
6:31
It's not like It's not like a lot— some restaurant—
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I mean, some restaurants— I mean, I like Danvers. We go to Danvers a
6:39
lot, but not because they don't have a bar, because it's like a family-friendly place.
6:43
Anyway, so it said, I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar.
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I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I would get a sandwich.
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I also had the notion that I might find a customer for the car
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at this place, which was familiar, for I'd been going to it for years.
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I had eaten there many times during the month I was sober. I sat
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down at the table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of
7:08
milk. Still no thought of drinking.
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I like— so I'm gonna tell— this is kind of strange
7:16
for me, and I don't— I was thinking about this, and I'm kind of making
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little marks around it because it's kind of interesting when I think about this.
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It says, still no thoughts of drinking.
7:27
I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass
7:32
of milk. I don't know how many people,
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um, go to a restaurant and order— like,
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for instance, I go to Subway, I get like a sandwich,
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and I sit there and eat it, and I'm like, you know,
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I'm gonna go have another sandwich.
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I just don't know if I've done that. Like, I mean, I've even left restaurants
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because I just ate my food,
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even though I might still be a little bit— I mean, I don't really leave
8:02
hungry, but I don't know. That's interesting to me. Anyways,
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back to the text. It says,
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suddenly, and I have this whole sentence, this whole paragraph really
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highlighted with some things circled.
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Suddenly the thought crossed my mind, if I were to put an ounce of whiskey
8:20
in my milk, it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach.
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I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk.
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I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured—
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I've felt reassured, underlined— as I was taking the
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whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment
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went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk.
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That didn't seem to bother me, so I tried another.
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So this is the thing, right? Like This is the insanity.
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I don't know. You know, I got many stories on this and I—
9:03
yeah, mine was— my insanity was, hey, you know, I was just young
9:06
when this happened. It was just a bunch of wrecked cars and
9:10
3 DUIs and some indictments and everything else.
9:13
You know, that happens to normal people. And that didn't really—
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that doesn't really make me an alcoholic. It could just make me stupid.
9:21
What makes me an alcoholic is something that I've known since I was 17 years
9:24
old. When I take a drink, if I don't have
9:28
another drink, I'm uncomfortable.
9:31
And I kind of think back about, we talked about this a couple
9:35
weeks ago on page 24. On page 24,
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it says, the fact is that most alcoholics,
9:43
for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice and drink.
9:47
Our so-called willpower becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable at
9:51
certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering
9:55
and the humiliation of even a week or a month ago.
9:58
We are without defense against the first drink. And this
10:02
is this dude, right? The family,
10:06
the job, everything's on the line.
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And people in this deal will talk about this and say,
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you know, just play the tape through. Well, what if I can't? What if I've
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been in a place, a position of powerlessness, and I don't, I don't know what
10:20
that looks like? It's important to understand this stuff.
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And but it says, thus started one
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more journey to the asylum for Jim.
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Here was a threat of commitment, the loss of family,
10:34
imposition, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering
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which drinking always caused. Uh,
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this highlighted right here, the red, this next whole, well, the rest
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of the whole next paragraph. He had much knowledge about himself
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as an alcoholic, yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed
10:53
aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take milk,
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take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk.
11:02
There's some places in here, it's on page 5.
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On page 5, at the bottom, it says,
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was I crazy? I began to wonder for such an appalling
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lack of perspective to see being near just that.
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And on page 40, there's an example.
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It says,
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He was positive this— where is it? Determining all concern.
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I reasoned I was not so far advanced, man.
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I'm not seeing it. I'm sorry.
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But anyways, and it's pretty much, there's some
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examples, a lot of different examples of insanity. And So
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I think about what that looks like, or the
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thought— I like this, and I'm still going to get into some controversy, and that's
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okay as well. It's almost like if
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you took a bunch of alcoholics and said, hey, why don't
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you just try just to do drugs instead of drinking? And the
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thought is that I've tried that already. And that's just me. I've tried everything
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that, you know, possible, um,
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to do this successfully. And so,
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you know, or just, why don't you just try doing something
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like, you know, or just beer? Why don't you just try beer? Why don't you
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just try this kind of whiskey, this kind of tequila, this kind of vodka,
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just wine? Um, I've tried all that too, and I
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tried just the sedatives, then I was mixing
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alcohol with sedatives. I mean, I tried all these different things,
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you know, eating on a full stomach, only drinking.
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I mean, you know, we've done all that. So at
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the top of page 37, it says,
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whatever the precise definition of the word may be,
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we call this plain insanity. I had this whole actually all
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I'll underline in pink too, because this is a promise and this
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is a definition as well. So it says, whatever the precise definition of the word
13:21
may be, we call this plain insanity. How can
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such a lack of proportion of the ability to think straight be called anything
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else? So the Big Book of Alcoholics
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Anonymous doesn't give any definition of trying
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the same thing and expecting a different result. It doesn't say that.
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It says, I have a lack of proportion and the ability
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to think straight when it comes to alcohol. So it says,
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you may think this is an extreme case. To us, it is not far-fetched,
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for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us.
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We have sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the
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consequences, but there was always a certain
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mental phenomenon that paralleled with the sound reasoning. There inevitably ran
14:06
some insanely trivial trivial excuse for taking the first
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drink. I have this underlined right here and highlighted.
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Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check, so I can't play the
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tape through. My sound reasoning failed to hold me in check, so how am I
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going to play the tape through? Um, the insane
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idea won out. I have that circled. Powerless.
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Next day, we'd ask ourselves in all earnestness and sincerity how it came—
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how it could have happened. In some circumstances, we have gone out
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deliberately to get drugs, like someone dies, my dad died,
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someone gets in a breakup, right? And they're good
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reasons, but feeling ourselves justified
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by nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy, or the like, and really I don't need
14:54
to justify with myself. I have that, all that's highlighted with out to
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the right, restless, irritable, discontent. Really, I just need to If I'm going to drink,
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man, I don't need a reason for
15:05
me. I need a reason for you.
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But even in this type of beginning, we're obliged to admit that our justification
15:12
for a spree was insanely— I had this underlined right here— insanely
15:16
insufficient in the light of what always happened.
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We now see that when we begin to drink deliberately instead
15:26
of casually, There was little serious or effective thought during the period
15:31
of premeditation of what the terrific consequences might be.
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I was out on bond and I was on a $75,000
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bond and 15 felonies.
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And I was sitting in this hotel room and the hotel had a— and
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I was 3 days out of a treatment center because I'd already failed a drug
15:52
test for being out on bond. So I went to treatment and
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I got out and I'm sitting at this hotel and had a
16:00
downstairs bar. And I, uh,
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you know, there was no thought of, hey Corey, you got an
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ankle monitor on your leg. Hey Corey,
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you got all this stuff holding over your head.
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It was as simple as this, man. I looked down at my phone and
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I typed in the hotel and the bar,
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what time they closed. It was 9:00 and the bar closed at
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11.
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I was down at that bar within 15 minutes and I was,
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you know, ordering drink after drink after drink.
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And I continued on through the whole night.
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So there's no thought there,
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you know. And I mean, you know, it says right here,
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we now see that when we began to drink deliberately instead of casually,
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there was little serious or effective thought during the period of premeditation
17:03
of what the terrific consequences might be.
17:07
Our behavior is absurd, as incomprehensible with respect to the
17:11
first drink as that of an individual with a passion,
17:14
say, for jaywalking. And I really like this story because it talks about me.
17:17
This is How my whole life spends.
17:27
Oh, he gets a thrill out of skipping in front of fast-moving vehicles.
17:31
He enjoys himself for a few years in spite of friendly warnings.
17:35
Up to this point, you would label him as foolish chap
17:41
having queer ideas of fun. Luck then deserts him and he is
17:44
slightly injured several times in succession.
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You would expect him, if he were normal— and I have the— I have normal
17:51
circled right here to cut it out— presently
17:55
is hit again, and this time with a fractured skull.
17:59
So like slightly injured. I kind of look at it like— I don't
18:03
know if anybody can relate to this, but this is how my life looked like,
18:06
right? Slightly injured. I was getting minor in possessions when I
18:10
was younger and getting some DUIs, wrecking some cars.
18:15
Then it says presently is hit again and this time has a fractured skull.
18:21
And then I'm messing up a relationship with my son.
18:27
Then it says within a week after leaving the hospital, a fast-moving
18:31
trolley car breaks his arm. Then I'm putting
18:34
my hands on a woman, right? He tells you has decided
18:38
to stop jaywalking for good, but in a few weeks he breaks
18:42
both of the— both of his legs. Then I get put into
18:45
drug court with 3 counts, manufacture, distribute.
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I accidentally ran over some mailboxes. Then it says, on through
18:54
the years, this conduct continues, accompanied by a continual promise
18:58
to be careful. You know, but 2 days,
19:01
3 days before my dad died, the last words he ever said to me was
19:04
just, Corey, be careful.
19:08
Or to keep off the streets altogether. Finally,
19:11
he can no longer work. His wife gets a divorce. He is
19:15
held up to ridicule. I have this highlighted right
19:18
here, this whole next sentence. He tries every known means to get
19:22
the jaywalking idea out of his head. He shuts
19:26
himself up in an asylum, hoping to mend his ways.
19:30
But the day— and I have this circle, uh, circle right here— he comes out,
19:34
he races in front of a fire engine. Which breaks his back.
19:38
Such a man would be crazy, wouldn't he?
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You may think our illustration is too ridiculous, but is it?
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We who have been through the wringer have to admit, if we substituted
19:50
alcoholism for jaywalking, the illustration would fit us exactly.
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And I have this next, the rest of this sentence
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highlighted right here. However intelligent we may be, have been in other
20:03
respects. Where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane.
20:08
It's strong language, but isn't it true? Some of you
20:12
are thinking, yes, what you tell us is true, but it doesn't fully apply.
20:16
We admit we have some of these symptoms, but we have not gone to the
20:19
extremes you fellows did, nor are we likely to, for we understand
20:24
ourselves so well after what you have told us that no such
20:27
thing can happen again. We have not lost everything in life through
20:31
drinking, and we certainly do not intend to. Thanks for
20:35
the information. And how many times did I say that, you know,
20:38
well, I was out because I was sober for some
20:42
time, then I came back in and lost
20:46
a girl, had to come back into AA,
20:49
got the girl back, girl left again because—
20:53
but I got what I needed, right? Thanks for the information.
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See, I can use Alcoholics Anonymous too, and I can use all the
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people around me to help me get better for a little while.
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Thanks for the information. I already know this.
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I'll be all right this time. And then it's back to normal.
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It's always back to— it's back to like, you know,
21:15
back to business as normal. So we're on the
21:18
top paragraph of page 39.
21:23
That may be true of certain non-alcoholic people
21:28
who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time,
21:31
are able to stop or moderate because their brains and bodies have not been as
21:35
damaged as ours were. You know,
21:38
I mean, some people— I mean, my mom's a good example. She's a non-alcoholic,
21:44
man. If she got in trouble one time, she would never drink again.
21:48
She had done like— and that's the thing, right? Like, if you do— if you
21:52
had done one of the top 10 things I've ever done in my life,
21:55
top worst things, because they were all drunk when I did them.
21:59
But you— she would never drink again.
22:03
Oh, but me, I— you know,
22:07
that's not been my story. But the,
22:10
the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will— this
22:15
is in squiggly writing, and this is important to me.
22:18
Will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis
22:23
of self-knowledge. I have self-knowledge circled too.
22:27
This is a point we wish to emphasize and reemphasize, to smash
22:31
home. We already used the word smash over on page 30.
22:34
We had this— says right here, the delusion that
22:38
we are other— like other people presently, it has to be smashed. They're trying to
22:42
bring home a piece that self-knowledge isn't going to get it. You just understanding
22:46
you're an alcoholic is not going to get it. Maybe for some time.
22:52
To smash home upon the alcoholic reader, as it has been revealed to us
22:57
out of our bitter experience, let us take another illustration.
23:03
Fred is a partner in a well-known accounting firm. His income is
23:06
good, he has a fine home, is happily married, and the father of promising
23:10
children of college age. He has so attractive
23:15
a personality that he makes friends with everyone. If ever there was a successful businessman,
23:19
it is Fred. To all appearances, he is a stable, well-balanced individual,
23:23
yet he is alcoholic. We first saw Fred about a year
23:27
ago in a hospital where he had gone to recover from a bad case of
23:31
the jitters. Jitters is highlighted. To the left of that, it says R.I.D.,
23:35
restless irritable discontent. It was his
23:39
first experience of this kind, and he was much ashamed.
23:44
Far from admitting he was an alcoholic, so he's not even told himself
23:47
he's an alcoholic, told himself he came to the hospital
23:51
to rest his nerves. I have highlighted now to the left, RID,
23:54
restless irritable discontent. The father intimated strongly that
23:58
he might be worse than he realized. For a few days, he was depressed
24:03
about his condition. I had this next sentence
24:08
highlighted. For a few days, he was depressed about his condition. He made up his
24:12
mind to quit drinking altogether. It never occurred to him that
24:15
perhaps he could not do so.
24:18
He could not do so. I think you should underline that.
24:23
In spite of his character and standing,
24:26
Fred would not believe himself an alcoholic,
24:29
much less accept— and I have this underlined right here—
24:33
a spiritual remedy for his problem. Right.
24:37
Can we accept Step 2, that a power greater
24:41
than himself can restore? You can't accept Step 2 if you can't accept Step
24:45
1. Why do I need to come
24:48
to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity if I
24:52
don't think I'm insane? And that's important. Hold up.
25:00
We told him what we knew about alcoholism.
25:03
He was interested and conceded that he had some of the symptoms,
25:07
but he was no longer— but he was a long way from admitting
25:10
that he could do nothing about it himself. I have this underlined,
25:14
the rest of this, uh, paragraph, and highlighted.
25:18
He was positive that this humiliating experience plus the
25:23
knowledge he had acquired would keep him sober for the rest of his life.
25:26
Self-knowledge would fix that. Well, we just read that on page 24,
25:29
right? With sufficient force, the memory
25:33
of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or month ago, we were
25:36
without defense against the first drink. It says it doesn't work. We heard no more
25:40
from Fred for a while. One day we were back— I mean, we're on page
25:43
40. I'm sorry if I'm not keeping up with my page numbers as
25:47
we're going. We heard no more of Fred for a
25:50
while. One day we were told that he was back in the hospital. This time
25:53
he was quite shaky. He soon indicated he was anxious to see
25:57
us. The story he told is most instructive.
26:01
I have the rest of this paragraph highlighted right here. For here was
26:04
a chap absolutely convinced he had to stop drinking, who had no
26:09
excuse for drinking, who exuberant who exhibited splendid
26:13
judgment and determination in all his other concerns, yet he was
26:16
flat on his back nevertheless. Let him tell you
26:19
about it. I was much impressed with the— with what you fellas said
26:24
about alcoholism, and I frankly did not believe it would be possible for me to
26:29
drink again. I would— I rather appreciated your, your ideas about the subtle insanity
26:34
which precedes the first drink, but I was confident
26:38
it could not happen to me after what I had learned.
26:42
I have this highlighted right here. I reasoned I was not so far
26:45
advanced as most of you fellows, and I felt like that when I was younger,
26:49
that I'd been usually successful in licking my own,
26:52
my other personal problems, and that I would therefore be successful where
26:56
you men failed. I felt I had every right to do,
27:00
to be self-confident that it would be only a matter of exercise,
27:03
and I have the This is underlined. Exercising my
27:07
willpower and keeping on guard. So as long as I keep on guard, I'll be
27:10
all right. I don't think so for
27:18
In this frame of mind, I went about my business, and for
27:22
a time, all was well.
27:26
I had no trouble refusing drinks and began to wonder if I had not been
27:29
making too hard work of a simple matter. One day I went
27:33
to Washington to present some accounting evidence to a government
27:37
bureau. I'd been out of town before during
27:41
the particular dry spell, so there was nothing new about
27:45
that. Physically, I felt fine. So that's important to understand.
27:48
You can underline that. Physically felt fine. Neither did I,
27:53
neither did I have any pressing problems or worries. So not stressed
27:57
out about anything. He felt good. My business came off
28:01
well, so doing good at work. I was pleased, and I knew my
28:04
partners would be too. It was the
28:08
end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon.
28:11
So we first just talked about another person, right? And Jim
28:16
not doing too well, right? Dude has his business,
28:20
he's pissed off, not happy.
28:24
This, this person seems pretty happy. Seems like
28:28
all's going well. Says on the first
28:32
real paragraph on page 41, I went to my hotel, leisurely dressed
28:36
for dinner. As I crossed the threshold of the dining room, that— and
28:40
I had this highlighted right here— the thought came to mind
28:44
that if it would be nice to have a couple of cocktails with dinner.
28:47
Well, what about all the things he already thought about? It's not coming to his
28:49
mind right now, right? That was all, nothing more. I ordered a
28:53
cocktail, my meal. Here he goes. This is the whiskey and milk.
28:57
Um, then I ordered another cocktail. After dinner,
29:01
I decided to take a walk. When I returned to the hotel, it struck
29:06
me a highball would be fine before going to bed. Absolutely. I love a drink
29:10
before I go to bed. So I stepped into the bar and had one.
29:13
I usually don't just have one when I go to the bar. And then it
29:16
goes on to say, I remember having several more that night and plenty next morning.
29:21
I have a shadowy recollection of being in
29:24
an airplane bound for New York and finding a
29:28
friendly taxi cab driver at the landing field instead of my wife.
29:32
The driver escorted me about for several days. I know little of where I went
29:36
or what I said and did. He's in a blackout, right?
29:39
Then came the hospital with unbearable
29:43
mental and physical suffering, right? So first you got
29:49
You got Fred. So first you got Jim, and then you got Fred. Then you
29:52
got the man of 30. The man of 30, he'd stayed bone dry for 25
29:56
years. This— then you had Jim, kind of
30:00
very irritated. Now you got Fred,
30:04
perfect day. So they said— they tell people like me
30:09
and other people that go to these treatment centers this thing, and it's a halt.
30:14
It's hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
30:19
They said those are, those are triggers. Well,
30:23
what about my other triggers are when I'm full,
30:29
happy, with people,
30:32
and awake, right? I mean, I,
30:36
I drink regardless the sun's up or down. I drink
30:40
on a good day and a bad day. Um,
30:43
it doesn't matter, you know, like, I think that's important, you know.
30:47
This is just the insanity of alcohol.
30:50
Um, I guess I'm
30:53
back to— back to the text on page 41. I said, as soon as
30:57
I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over the evening to Washington.
31:02
Now I have this highlighted, this rest of the sentence Not
31:06
only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever except the first
31:09
drink. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all.
31:13
So no thought, no plan to take the first. I commenced to drink
31:17
as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. I now remembered that my
31:21
alcoholic friends had told me how they prophesied
31:25
that I had an alcoholic mind. The time and place would
31:29
come. Well, I have marked over here. I'm just curious what it says.
31:34
Oh, all right, now I've got 101.
31:40
So I have, uh, probably this makes
31:44
sense. An alcoholic mind,
31:47
right? We meet these conditions every
31:51
day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them still has an alcoholic mind.
31:55
There's something the matter with the spiritual status.
31:58
So I'll tell you, I don't have an alcoholic mind.
32:05
I've sat in meetings
32:08
and things and heard dudes that have about
32:12
20 years sobriety tell them that they had to have their wives go take out
32:16
the bar, empty the bar out
32:20
when they go to a hotel. And I wouldn't want to live like
32:24
that because I'd still have an alcoholic mind. When alcohol
32:28
is in front of me, I don't think about it. If I do ever think
32:31
about it, I get a sharp knife pain to my gut.
32:35
Um, but I don't want to have an alcoholic mind either.
32:39
It's miserable. I'll drink. I know what I'll do.
32:43
Oh, it says, I have an alcoholic mind. The time and place would come,
32:45
I would drink. Top of the page of page 42,
32:49
where I was there. They had said
32:55
that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give
32:59
way before some trivial reason for having a drink.
33:03
Well, just that happened and more, for what I learned of alcoholism
33:07
did not occur to me at all. I knew that
33:11
from the moment that I had an alcoholic mind,
33:14
I saw that willpower and self-knowledge would not help
33:18
in those strange middle blank spots. I have all the rest of this.
33:22
I have all that highlighted above too. I'm sorry. I've never
33:26
been able to understand people who said that a problem had been— said that
33:30
a problem had them hopelessly defeated. I knew then it was
33:33
a crushing blow. Step 1, right?
33:37
It says 2 men of Alcoholics Anonymous— 2 of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous
33:42
came to see me. I had that highlighted and I had to the left of
33:45
it approach. So 2 members went and approached this dude, not this dude went and
33:48
approached them. That's an important piece. They grabbed,
33:52
which I didn't like so much, and then they asked me if I thought myself
33:55
an alcoholic and if I were really licked this time.
33:59
I had to concede both propositions. I have that all highlighted
34:03
right there, right? So did they ask me if I
34:08
was an alcoholic and if I were really licked this
34:11
time, if I was hopeless? And are you an alcoholic?
34:18
Then it goes on to say, they piled on me heaps of evidence
34:22
to the effect that an alcoholic mentally such as I exhibited in Washington was a
34:25
hopeless condition. Hopeless condition is underlined. These cited
34:30
cases out of their own experience by the dozen. This process snuffed
34:35
out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself.
34:40
They then outlined the spiritual answer and the program
34:44
of action, which 100 of them had followed successfully. I have
34:48
that highlighted. Though I'd been only a nominal
34:53
churchman, their proposals were not intellectually hard to swallow. But I
34:57
have this right here highlighted. But the program of action, though entirely
35:01
sensible, was pretty drastic. It is pretty drastic going and saying, I cheated
35:05
on you and you didn't know about it, saying, I stole from you and you
35:08
didn't know about it, going to make right the wrongs. And everything
35:12
else in between. It meant I would have
35:16
to throw away several lifelong conceptions out of the window. Like what?
35:19
Like the world's not about me. I gotta go
35:23
make this right even though it's uncomfortable.
35:28
That was not easy, but the moment I made up my mind to go through
35:32
with the process, I had the curious feeling— I have this,
35:35
the rest of this page of the paint seems like a promised
35:44
The curious feeling that my alcohol condition
35:48
was relieved, as in fact it proved to
35:52
be, quite as important was the discovery— I have
35:57
the rest of this underlined— that spiritual principles would solve all my problems.
36:00
Not just one problem, all of them.
36:04
I've since been brought into the way of living infinitely more
36:08
satisfying and I hope more useful than the life I lived before.
36:14
I kind of go against this, but this is just me because I like to
36:16
argue. My old manner of life was by no means
36:20
a bad one, but I would not exchange it for the best moments for
36:24
the worst I have now and not go back to it even if I could.
36:27
And that's an important piece of it. I'll tell
36:31
you what, I had some good drunks. My bad
36:35
days today are not better than some of my good
36:39
drunks. They're definitely more— my days today are more productive.
36:43
Um, but I just don't align with that, and that's why there's multiple,
36:46
you know, stories in here.
36:50
But I do think it is important I have out to the right of this
36:53
paragraph page 88 and page 57.
36:57
And so it goes along the lines of the promise,
37:01
right? I would not go back to it even if I could. And how could
37:05
I? Just like my mom, right? She would not drink if she had done one
37:08
of the worst things I've ever done. She would never think about drinking again.
37:13
What if she had done 10 of the worst things? How could
37:17
you drink if you'd done that? But when sanity returns, how could
37:21
you drink? That makes no sense.
37:25
Fred's story speaks for itself. We hope it strikes home
37:30
to thousands like him. He had felt only the first nip of the wringer.
37:34
Most alcoholics have to be pretty bad— and I have this highlighted because it's part
37:38
of the basic white cake recipe— most
37:42
alcoholics have to be pretty badly mangled before they really commence to solve their
37:46
problems. Many doctors and psychiatrists agreed
37:51
with our conclusions, one of these men, staff members of a world-renowned
37:56
hospital, recently made the statement to some of us: What
37:59
you say about the general hopelessness of the average alcoholic's plight is,
38:03
in my opinion, correct. As 2 of you men
38:07
whose stories I've heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100%
38:10
hopeless apart from divine help beyond human aid. I wrote
38:14
that out to the right of that. Had you offered yourselves as patients at this
38:18
hospital, I would not have taken you if I'd been able to avoid
38:23
avoid it. People like you are too heartbreaking. Though not a religious person, I have
38:26
profound respect for the spiritual approach in such cases
38:30
as yours. For most cases, there is virtually— I have this highlighted
38:34
right here— virtually no other solution.
38:38
And this is highlighted in pink.
38:41
Once more, the alcoholic at a certain time has no effective mental defense
38:45
against the first drink, except in a few rare cases.
38:48
Neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense.
38:53
His defense must come from a higher power.
38:56
It's important stuff. Thank you,