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The Life Chapters We Never Ask Our Grandparents About · Excuse My Grandma

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my cohost.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Grandma Gail.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Okay grandma, so this week we are going to talk about the questions that some of our audience wrote in because we asked them what questions they wish they would have asked their grandparents and we got so many really interesting questions. It's
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: terrific, I'm glad that they're participating in the whole scheme of things, it's wonderful.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah and it was really emotional to see all of these things that people had really sat down and took the time to think about that they like wished that they had asked. And today we're going to talk about like chapters of life do it around that but we have so many more that I want to do in future episodes as well. Okay. So when it comes to new chapters, there were so many about like life changes going on to the next part of life and Grandma did you ever find yourself at any age or my age curious about your relatives and wanting to ask those questions to your grandparents?
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Well, you know what Kim, it's a thought because a lot of people don't have the privilege of having their grandparents in their lives. My grandparents were very much in our lives, even when you were not so much when you were a baby anymore, but certainly when I was raising my own children. They were very much part of that process, because they were alive and they were happy. They were actually very instrumental because they had values as immigrants. Both of my maternal grandparents had been immigrants, came over to this country very, very early.
• 2:04
  And the difference was, for so many, in contrast to today, they really wanted to become well, they became citizens after years of working at it and doing all the requirements. But they wanted to take on completely being American. Gave up except for their religion, naturally they gave up any other identity from the countries they came from. Because at the time when they came over in the early 1900s, they didn't really they weren't sure which country would go because boundaries in in Europe were constantly changing at that political at that time. So that was very fortunate that they always instilled the the love of America, what they found in America.
• 2:47
  And I think that influenced my childhood of being so proud to be an American. And also, I think it influenced my conversation with my children, because I realized how important it was to realize how free we were to express ourselves. So for me that was an eye opener. And for so many today I'm sure they're having the same experience. We're a land of immigrants.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah it's different obviously, you were born in America and so our experience growing up was probably more similar than yours to your
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Because you're already the third generation on that side, in many cases fourth generation on my paternal side, my grandparents were born in America. So that was a different experience.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Did you ask them questions about what it was like not growing up in America?
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Well, both, one came over at seven and in steerage by himself. I've heard that story. And the other, my grandmother came over even younger with her parents. So, I mean, you know, they had very, very bad experience from where they came from. They were fleeing for religious freedom.
• 3:58
  So like how America was formed, on keeping church and state out of government. Because for so many years, people were basically punished because of their religion, no matter what the religion was. So the one thing about our land here is you can practice whatever you want, freely and openly, hopefully. So no, I never really thought about it in any other aspect that I was privileged to have heard that they wanted to be here. Because they were too little to even understand what was happening in their native country actually.
• 4:34
  They just knew they had to get out. Their parents put them on boats and told them to go.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Right. And as I'm asking grandma these questions or if anything is like sparking something for you guys, you should write it down to ask your own grandparents or parents or whatever it is. So there are like no books unturned. I feel like you can or pages unturned. What is this saying?
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Pages unturned. Page unturned. But you know, I was with somebody last night, we were having a lovely dinner in Florida, and he was talking about, and here is a young man, a little younger than we are, and he's turning 80, he decided to, Well, was younger than Poppy and I. And he said he made a film recently about his family, about his parents who had died when he was very young, and about his experience of going to college and how he made an income for his family and what he wanted to pass on to his grandchildren. So it doesn't matter where you came from, it's history of a family that's important.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: People love that.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: So people love that. And even if, he said he did it on a, what do you call those chips that you put inside your computer, drives. So Justy gave each one of his children a copy
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Wait, of why am I blanking on the name? Not a hard drive.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Not a hard drive, the little thing you plug onto the side of your Whatever it's called, guys, help us out. Anyway, I think it's a great idea for all families. Everybody can make a recording.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Flash drive.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Flash drive.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: So he gave each of his two sons a flash drive of his life.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: We love an 80 year old indie filmmaker. That's so cool.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Well, think it was, I don't know how he was filming it, but he did said he filmed it in New York, he had somebody come up and do it. And instead of writing a book, a lot of people keep diaries, and which is a wonderful way of doing things too, but now everybody's gotten so lazy, everybody uses their phone and I think it's a great way of recording history.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think like recording on your camera roll can be enough, you know, like that's another way to document. So some people asked what your favorite decade was to live in other than the 2000s?
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: Well I think my favorite decade and it probably still is, was the 50s when I was growing up. Because we had so much fun. Rock and roll was starting. Elvis Presley was starting. Especially as a girl, we were going crazy over all these new stars that were coming out.
• 7:00
  And I lived in a suburban area that was very close knit. It was a very small community, actually, compared to many others in Westchester. And we really knew the whole town. We knew the druggist. We knew the beauty shop, we knew the butcher, we knew the baker, we
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: knew So do you think that's true now? If live
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: in a small town? Well I think if you live in a small town, but so many people flee the small towns now to come to big cities. Yeah. And you know, I I always thought we were privileged to live in that kind of community and loved it. It it was atypical.
• 7:37
  And there was no war. Don't forget the fifties, there were no war. We were coming out of World War two, recovery. America was recovering. It was a great sense of explosion in all kinds of industries.
• 7:49
  People were doing new creative products for the time. So it was a time of really, some say a golden age, some say we're in the golden age now. But at that time we really thought we were in the golden age.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: What was your favorite thing to wear during that time?
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Well I think I wore the typical 50s things. My mother always dressed me in the full skirts, the cinch belts because I had a tiny little waist in those days.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I wish you kept some of that.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I would. I had kept my car that I had in high school, I wouldn't have to do this podcast. I'd be independently wealthy.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: But, you know, that was that was the icon. The little cardigans with the matching little monogram on it that matched We your were cute. And we wore bobby socks.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: What's that
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: again? Bobby socks are like like what you would wear the white sock that yeah. The fold over. And we wore black
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: and
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: white, like, they're not called they weren't called loafers. They were lace I
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: had penny up loafers?
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: No. No. We we wore penny loafers, but black and white or brown and white shoes, lace up shoes. I thought we looked adorable. If you look back on the pictures, was probably awful.
• 9:00
  Right. Look at Happy Days. Happy Days, the program, if anybody wants to look back what the fifties really did look like with the counters and going to the your local little coffee shops and and that was very, very accurate of how the fifties really were.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: I read that I think it was like around the Oscars stuff that I was reading about this and I hope it's not incorrect, that they're doing like a revival of Happy Days.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, didn't know if anybody could be as good as the Fonz was. He was so terrific.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I never watched this show, but I found it interesting. They said like it was really only on the air for like a very short period of time.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: Is that true?
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Like people talk about it so much but I think it was like less than a year that it was actually Winkler, what's his name? Henry Winkler.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: Henry Winkler was just so great.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: He's a lot
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: for And Ron Howard, of course and Ron Howard who you know that was his his going off play.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Well maybe that's why I was here.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Well because he's such a great he is mister Hollywood at this point.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: I love borrowing your old accessories and things. There's not that much from the fifties that you hold on to.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: No. No. I don't think I have anything. But you know what? There were a lot of if we went to a lot of the places on Dixie down here.
• 10:09
  These old vintage Vintage stores which is so current now. Lucite. A lot of Lucite bags. Acrylic bags.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: And that stuff was very, very popular then. Mhmm. But you know what? Most people don't keep it because their taste change. And then thirty and forty years later, somebody is reviving that look, which if I was smart I would have kept all my old furniture.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like the things you have given to me like every time I wear that Elsa Perretti cuff you gave me I'm getting compliments like
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: You know I saw somebody on one of the shows recently wearing you really should take the other one and wear both.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Oh. I feel like it's giving Wonder Woman.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah but they were wearing it.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Maybe. They look cool.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: It's in my drawer you'll get it when you go back to the city.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I also feel like if I could have lived in another decade I probably would choose the nineteen fifties just because like old Hollywood and the cars and the clothing and everything and the movies.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Well I've glamorized it to the point there were issues.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: For sure like I would not have wanted to actually live as a woman 1950 which I could live as a woman in 2026. Correct. But I don't even know where I got that like fifties file energy from because I don't even think you showed me that
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: stuff. No I don't think so but you like it. Yeah. Think let's start it with your love of Marilyn Monroe.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: It did. Which you kind of did intro me to. Right. Mean she. Where we, I don't know.
• 11:32
  Think we saw the.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: And Gentlemen Prefer Blondes was really one of my favorite movies and I think it was one of your favorites.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Maybe you suggested I watch it and then it kind of just.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Couldn't fall in love with that era. Exactly. It's really silly and it wasn't accurate and she had a tragic life so we can't but you see she died so young that she's frozen in time like so many of the young like James Dean and other stars who just you can only remember them when they're in their twenties or early
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I mean even this is a little different but that show Love Story, the Ryan Murphy thing about JFK Jr. And Carol Moussette is so trendy right now.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: But that wasn't accurate. That show is
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: completely No. And like I know that Jack Schlossberg and the Kennedy's have a major issue with Yeah. The way they are going about But that the point that like obviously you're thinking of them at this like pinnacle of fame and they're young and gorgeous. And
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: they were that. They were that. They certainly were an unhappy couple. They were not a happy couple. Don't know what they're
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: at least what they're them That's how they're presenting. Well it's a mix like tumultuous because of the fame and all of the external factors. No I think he
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: was like everybody wanted him to be president and senator and everything because he was Jack Kennedy's son and you know he was also frozen in time. Tragedy in 'sixty three the assassination of the man that we thought was going to save the world. We don't know if he would have saved the world because the world was a mess at that moment. But you know he's frozen in time. And so that is part of the thing that went over into John John and what really wasn't fair to him.
• 13:13
  It really wasn't fair to him because he had to live with that myth.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right because I don't think
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Not even knowing his father basically. His father died when he was about three.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the way they say it in the show is like he didn't even really wanna be a politician anyway. I'm sure he didn't.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: He was a pretty boy. Wanted to be a huge actor.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Actor I think. Yeah. And then he had like the magazine. Don't know. George
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: like was exactly. His magazine.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: So you remember all of that happening?
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: I do remember him because actually I used to see he lived in the Carlisle Hotel for a while and I used to see him all the time because it's very close to my apartment.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: It looked like Jackie and Caroline lived on the Upper East Side, right? Yep. Then And so did John. It looked like he lived in like so
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: He lived downtown with her. Yeah. And then but after they had their issues he was living up at the Carlisle.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I feel like I was thinking the whole time like how did Jack live in a Soho walk up like with no dormant? With all Well the
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: I think he had a problem with it. They did. That was one of the big problems. The paparazzi like with Princess Di, like with John. They invaded their lives so terribly and as a matter of fact they are doing it with Princess Kate and William in England.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: And even with Hollywood like they do it to some people like it in Hollywood but they do really follow the Kardashians like and they have to have so much security and all
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: this And they're really not even actors of actresses. They're just, that's just
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Anyone their who's famous has like
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: Well they have that, that's the price of fame. If they didn't have that fame they wouldn't have their money. So it's a vicious cycle in their case. I mean you know one thing leads to another.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Well right because in there in the Kennedy's case like you're born into something that you don't sign up for.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: So he didn't sign up for that.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: But I guess Carolyn kind of did. But then they're like in the show she was like I signed up to be in love with your son not for all of this and Caroline was kind of like eye roll.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Alright, whatever.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know it's probably all fictionalized A but
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: lot of it is idealized now.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay, so another follower wanted to ask what their grandparent what their favorite modern day invention was. So for you I'm going to guess your answer. Okay. I think it's either streaming like Amazon Prime.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: That's my favorite thing
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: in The the blow dryer like a high speed blow dryer.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: No that wouldn't bother me because right okay. I think it would be Amazon Prime and Netflix. Yeah like TV at home. Think well seeing movies at home and the variety of movies because I was a big big fan growing up going to the movie theater and then after Covid basically I stopped going to the movies and I think the movies no longer attracted me what was going on the big screen so now I'm a devoted fan of the foreign mysteries and films that come from overseas. And I love the Korean movies.
• 16:12
  I love the Indian movies as well as the American.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah you're just the vast library that you would not have had access if And it was just your local
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: I like to in the afternoon or even in the evening after dinner I can binge on two or three things which you wouldn't normally be able to do. It's changed I think everybody's way of looking at things. I very rarely except for watching the news I don't really put on regular television. I'm not a sports fan so I don't watch that. So I immediately after the news put the Amazon Prime on or Netflix.
• 16:45
  Yeah. And I love it or YouTube or whatever or Apple TV.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: Do you watch YouTube?
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Do you? Yes sometimes.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: How do you get to YouTube?
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: On my smart phone.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: And then you search videos?
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: I guess I do.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I don't think you watch YouTube.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Oh maybe I don't. I know I do Apple. Yes. And I know I do, alright.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Apple because YouTube doesn't have like original program like that's not like scripted stuff.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Oh okay.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: But I think you have all that other stuff. I do. And then
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: I sometimes watch a movie and I get charged for it and Poppy comes in and says what's $5.99
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know that wasn't me blame it on someone
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: else. Exactly, somebody else in the house is watching that.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Just say it's the subscription price and he won't question it. I agree, I would have hated to not have streaming and everything. I also would have hated not to have like Amazon Prime like delivery.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: Well that you guys and your grandfather without Amazon Prime he can't function.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this isn't sponsored by Amazon.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: This is not sponsored by Amazon but it's really a way of life now. The interesting thing when talking about that is we're doing our Passover in New York this spring and I needed staples in my apartment which I, you know, need to go get. And I'm on a time crunch because I'm not going to be in New York that long. And Poppy said, I'm going order everything on Amazon Prime that you need. Not groceries but other things in the house like sodas and water and horseradish and and matzo that I needed to get I don't All have to go to the of a sudden I got all these deliveries.
• 18:24
  They put them in my house. I have a whole
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: It's less work like
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: It's fabulous.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Don't know they charge
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: more for it. Do they charge
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: more You're paying for for delivery.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well I would pay for delivery anyway. Then But I hope it's not a lot of different delivery. Well it was a couple of different deliveries.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Oh no that doesn't matter how many boxes it comes in
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Oh or okay, so it's one shot each. Yeah. Alright. So it's the same thing as going I could never carry all those trues.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, feel like people who don't live in the city were always like how do you go grocery shopping if you have so much stuff.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Because they are all in their cars, loading in their like down in Florida I go to Publix and I load up my car with groceries. But a lot of people do with the Instacart here too as well.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Ordering it is so much easier It's become if massive want to pay for change. But what is the plan for Passover?
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: The plan for Passover is that your uncle is gonna cook the brisket. Okay. Mommy ordered matzo balls and kafilter fish from our favorite place that we order from and we're going to have a nice time.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: And what are you making? I'm setting the table.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Okay. I'm setting the table and taking out all the dishes and glasses. Yeah. It's a very dish and glass oriented because it's not like one plate like Thanksgiving you can
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: get and
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: load up on the buffet table your turkey and your potatoes and your vegetables. Here you've got several different courses throughout the evening while you're doing the prayers. I forgot to order them, well it doesn't matter, I wouldn't have ordered them anyway, but I wrote on my list what I need when I go home. I had to get eggs because you have to boil the hard boiled egg.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Oh for the re curls? Well, of
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: the The seder plate.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: The seder But this
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: isn't even that. Usually have Oh. Everybody eats a hard boiled egg or at least wants to and dips it in water and salt so you have a fertile New Year.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: So are we gonna be strict, not strict but like are we gonna do a service?
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: We always do it, reading.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: We do. We always do I feel that you've But gotten would mean
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: the gnata is very fast.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: I feel everyone has gotten more lax.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Well we are lax because he wants to shorten it. The attention span of 80 year olds have gotten less so we've sort of condensed it. We're doing the condensed version but from the book.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: We don't really have any little kids.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: No more little kids. Charlotte who's more She's not
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: little though.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: She's gonna have to go for the Alpha Coleman.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Yes. But then also I'm saying like everyone should be able to pay attention and not like run around and be playing and screaming.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: Oh who cares? It's a holiday.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: I know but
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: I And nobody's playing and screaming. I mean, nobody is doing that, but half the people can't hear Kim. They can't hear and they speak softly. It's an issue.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: I think it will be fine.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: It will be very nice.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. We're
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: together. That's the important thing.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let me know what I can do to help.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Just show up on time. Okay. Timely.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I will do that.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: Timely is good.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: I will do
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: And now you're in the neighborhood so you have no excuse.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I know, I'm going to walk I guess.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: that's exciting. Okay next question submitted, what was the age in life that you found the most challenging?
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: I would you're asking me now? Yeah. I would say my 20s when I had two children. I found that very challenging because you know I wasn't not that I wasn't equipped because all my friends, all were all doing it, but I thought juggling children and family and my husband and it was challenging. I didn't I think the first one didn't do I didn't do such a great job.
• 21:50
  I was very nervous with my first child. Then with my second child I was so I think I was super relaxed, but it was five years later. And I really, for me I needed the time in between because I really guess it
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: yeah because they're five years apart.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I didn't, I wouldn't, I shouldn't have waited the five years because they really were two separate times but I think for myself I needed the five years.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Mean it was the same thing, I don't know if it was like the same reasoning for mom but me and my brother are six years apart and we did have like there was a time when we were both overlapped young but we really did have like two separate childhoods but like I was fine with that.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: I don't know I think mommy wanted to have a sibling closer to her at the time.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: You think you realized while you were in it that that was the hardest chapter? No I think so. Or do you think now looking back you're
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: really No I think it was a hard chapter even then because you know it just was difficult. It was difficult to do all the things I wanted to do. I put too much pressure on myself to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect hostess because my husband had a business that was successful and we were entertaining people. So all those things at the same time when I was very young. I mean I was 23 when I had your mom.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Right,
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: And that's 28 when I had your uncle. So I was very young.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: So how do you manage to get through it? You get through it.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: You just do it. You zip your pants, you button your blouse, you put a sweater on and you do it.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So like without complaining or
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: But I must say I had parents that helped a lot. My mother lived really very across the street from me and she would babysit and I had a brother who would, Poppy and I liked to travel and we traveled a lot when we had young children and we went many times overseas and we did long trips and my brother would stay in the house with my two children. I was very lucky to have that. And I also had somebody at home to help.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: Right, I feel the same, I mean it's hard for me to say if I've gone through the hardest period or not.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: No, you're just starting.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Probably not would be my guess. Any hard times I have had like I. E. Taking a risk to leave my job and not knowing how that'll go, my back issues, surgeries, whatever, I did feel the same where the way you got through, where the way I got through was leaning on my family.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: Right, well that's what every, I think that's normal by the way. I think if you're lucky enough to have them and who are willing to fill the slack, it's terrific. You know, I feel badly for those out there who don't have it and maybe a friend or somebody who's
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: a can Because closed step
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: it's hard to go a road alone. That's why I often think about Hillary Clinton's comment, It takes a village to raise a child. And I do believe that. It takes a community to help you out, whether it be your church or synagogue or your activity that you're involved in or whether you know your job area. Somebody has to help and extend a hand.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: A lot of people ask what was the hardest decision you ever had to make? Was it like a personal decision? Something you discussed with Poppy?
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: The hardest decision I ever had to make, I don't really know. I think it was to say goodbye to my brother.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: I think that was the hardest decision. I didn't want him to pass.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: But that wasn't really your decision.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: Well it was because he had hospice at the end and I think that was the hardest decision because he was very young when he passed.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah but how are describing that as a decision?
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Because I was the one that allowed hospice to come in and really take care of him at the end.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: You had to make that decision on his behalf kind
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: On his behalf I was his, what would you say? Not his caretaker. No, I know what mean like His benefactor. His legal guardian. My parents were alive but he didn't put that responsibility
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: in That's so interesting. My
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: Well it's hard for a parent. You're not supposed to lose a child when you're still alive as a parent. That's the worst tragedy. There's no getting back from it actually. You always have that heartache.
• 26:23
  And so I think he didn't want that responsibility.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like that affected Nannon and Poppy? Oh, of course. Well, obviously it affected them, but like on a day to day?
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I think they were tragically changed. I think their life was a sorrow after that when you lost a child. I don't think they ever really were covered. I don't think I really ever
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: recovered. But you live your life and obviously I only But knew them after
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: you were named after him. But you don't really recover from a death of somebody when it's an unnatural death. And even then, when you're 90 or 95 or 85 and you pass on and not suffer, angels. That's part of life. I mean life continues and then birth happens and the cycle begins.
• 27:12
  But when somebody is interrupted in the cycle, it's never good.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: I know what you mean. Sometimes you forget that it's everyone's first time at life and like everyone's figuring it out. Yeah. Like sometimes you look at your parents and your grandparents and you're like oh like
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: They had an idyllic life but not every, you know every life has tragedies and traumas. And if you don't have it, you probably don't develop. You don't have to have tragedies. But everybody has development passages. So that was why the book Passages was so terrific.
• 27:44
  Because there is a passage in every point in your life.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: Have I read that?
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: Childhood. Well, we read it. I don't know if it's famous anymore.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: I don't think I read that.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: I think it was Gail Shea's Passages. It was a book that came out in the 80s, I believe the 80s. And everybody read it. Because everybody does have passages. And we identified with growing up, leaving your parents' house, developing your own house, having children, children leaving.
• 28:09
  Those are all empty nested. Then you have old age. And then you have death. So there are passages all through. And you have to realize that each passage is very different.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's appropriate for this episode
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: game. Think everybody should really look that book up.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Okay. People said they wanted to know like favorite memory of a grandchild. The birth. The birth, Interesting.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: Smell of a baby. Oh my god, ew. I just love it. I used to just go and just, you were my first. But each grandchild that came held a beautiful moment because you had life.
• 28:48
  And life came about again. Every time that happens, you're so excited. And from very different times in your life different children are received differently. When you were born, was still on the sort of middle aged and I was happy and I could push the carriage. As each child got older, I couldn't get on the floor.
• 29:10
  With my last grandchild, it was harder to get up and down. But it doesn't matter. You love them and you cherish the birth of each child. Besides
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: birth, what was like the most rewarding chapter with any of the grandkids?
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Well I think for you when you developed your ability to write and you loved to do it and I could see you progressing at college and then it turned out to be a career actually.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: But did you ever read something I wrote?
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Read, don't you remember we wrote that era, that chapter about China?
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: No, no. Okay, I was like six, so I didn't write it, you wrote
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: it. No, you were much older than six. No. Yeah, think you were in high school already.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: No way.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Alright, well whatever. So I think that was very exciting for me to go through that with you, with your brother. I think I adore, well I adored him anyway. He was my only grandson. And just as sweet as sugar.
• 30:09
  And it was his basketball career that made us so happy and we never missed a game. And I loved it.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: So passion.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: That was a passionate moment
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: for But people's, like your grandchildren when they have passions,
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: that's Yes, rewarding well I'd right. And my third my other granddaughter who's now going to be 23, I loved it when she developed her love of photography. It was such a fabulous thing and she's so wonderful at it. And I'm so proud of her and what she's achieved. And then my youngest granddaughter, she's like dancing and doing gymnast things that I can't imagine any of my other grandchildren No,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: I could never even do a cartwheel.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: And she's terrific. She's terrific at it. So each person has their own talent. And I think you love them for that as well as just loving them unconditionally.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: I love that answer. Do you think about what you want your legacy to be for your grandchildren? How do I
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: think think about it because I'm not planning to leave.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah. Maybe it's not something you have to think about.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not thinking about it right now. I'm just hoping that they like me to be with them as a grandparent. Yeah for sure.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I think that's fair and I think it's like not I don't know just like living your presently and spending time together like you don't have to think about the way you wanna come off or the like you don't need to I mean you know that there's a lot of advice I take Right. From you.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: Well, have a public career now, so they get a lot of conversation from other people about us. But that still is not really us. I mean, a lot of what you see on the podcast is the way Kimmy and I react to one another. That's part of our dynamic. Whether the other three grandchildren really enjoy it, I think they do.
• 31:57
  They get a giggle out of it. They know that we love everybody.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Different though. Differently. You're right. I don't know if they ask as many questions, do they?
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Well we spend a tremendous amount of time together.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: It's much You're more catching up with.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: Right. I think each child views our relationship a little differently. Maybe some of them say oh we'd like to do it and others say you're crazy you
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: shouldn't I don't really be care though.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: But that's our relationship so it doesn't really matter. Yeah
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: but that's a good point where it's like people listening obviously like it's so flattering to be like oh I want that relationship with like my grandchild or whatever but nothing is exactly the same but also like there's things I hope that people can take from listening and watching like even the conversation we've had today like take one question from the episode and like bring it to your grandparent, ask them to share stories with you, go through your family albums, point out people.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: You're the only one that does that on bikes.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: I love that. Was gonna ask you for a key when you were here and I was in New York because I wanted to go in and look at
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: some Well, you of could I could always call the building. They'd let you in.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: Okay. But, yeah, like, next time you see that your grandparents over the holidays or on the phone or whatever, like, ask to go through the family albums maybe throughout Yeah, the before they die.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: Before a lot of those relatives die. Because you know that's the problem. I took my mom's albums when she passed on and I took her wedding album which of course I still haven't chew, they were beautiful. But she had other albums of relatives which I feel badly about. She didn't write I have no idea.
• 33:38
  I didn't have any idea who they were. I just threw them out. So I can tell you I think that's the sad But why? You always have room for one more album. Yeah, she had a million albums of people I had no idea who they were.
• 33:51
  Unless Who they were was gonna tell me who those people were? They were all gone. That's the sad thing. I do think that my grandparents who had fabulous stories to tell, owed us more than they did. They should have written things down because they didn't want to talk about unpleasant times.
• 34:11
  But that is part of life, and I would have liked to known some of it. Some of their relatives who didn't have the opportunity to come over here and make a wonderful life for themselves, I would like to have known that. Do you think
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: there's anyone, like I'm encouraging people to ask their older relatives but do you think older relatives like, do they ever feel like oh they might not want to hear
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: something I think a about lot of them didn't want to share. It's very much the case with a lot of people who go through traumas in their childhood, in their young adulthood. They don't want to relive those lives. It's very much like survivors of the Holocaust. Most families never heard about it until the end.
• 34:52
  They knew
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: their lives were different. Do you respect that
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: or do you push them? No, think you have to respect everybody's feeling about what they wanna talk about. But I am hoping that people do share, you know, what their stories are because everybody's story is different.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: That was like our Chapters of Life. It was a little more sentimental, but we have a lot more for future episodes that are on some other fun topics.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: And if they have a particular question that they really are dying to know, they can always
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So the the way that we're getting these questions is you're like, they can always text Kim, they don't have my Don't personal text me. No, but they don't have my personal phone
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: number, Oh, right, they can't so text tell them how Kim.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: On Instagram, on our stories we always post like send in questions for the podcast or ask grandma anything about blah blah blah and in that box you can submit things. You can also always email team@excusemygrandma.com. I'll see all of those emails and we'll take them into account. We can answer them on our Instagram stories or more often on our podcast which you're listening to now.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: But you know what, before we sign off, have to make a comment. We're in the post now online on Tuesdays and in print on Wednesdays. And about, I would say a year ago, we had a young influencer on our program who the question was, and Kimmy posed the question, or somebody posed the question to Kimmy and I, would you date an ex of a friend? And actually this influencer, and I'm not going to mention her name, she knows exactly who she is, did after a period of time. Joanna?
• 36:28
  Yeah. And she married and has children with her husband. And she's very happy. And her friend understood it. So you're going to read in the paper this week or hear it online about the question, should you date your friend's ex?
• 36:45
  And I do think that it's very rare that it works out. But if it does, don't feel any shame. Because I really do think love is accepting who you are. And if your friend is really your friend and she got rid of her spouse anyway. It wasn't her spouse but her boyfriend prior to your getting involved with him.
• 37:07
  I mean it wasn't a cheating experience. Was strictly
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: Cheating is never okay.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: No cheating is never okay. But if you're in a circle of friends and you happen to both of you find each other attractive, you shouldn't feel guilty. That's what I'm trying to say.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: The only time I'm like not into that is if you are just like, he's cute. I'll just do it. No. No. No.
• 37:28
  Like
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: No. But that but there are people, you know, because as we said, you know, and you're gonna see it in the paper or listen to it in the
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: Is that this week for sure?
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: Was the on in the Or was it this past week? No. No. No. It was this past Tuesday.
• 37:40
  Today, it came out today. So I want you to when you hear we're explaining this, we're not judging people. People can do whatever makes them happy as long as it doesn't betray a friend or put you in a very bad position. If it's okay with your friend, please be happy in life. Life is too short.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: If you want to see like our full reaction to that question, go to nypost.com and you can search excuse my grandma or search my advice that's the name of the column. Right. Or search excuse my advice on YouTube, you can see all of them on there. Go to our Instagram profile, I have it linked in our bio and on a highlight So you'll find it clarify that, Kim. Okay.
• 38:26
  Another great episode of Excuse My Grandma. Please be following us on social media. Excuse My Grandma, we're posting lots of fun stuff on there. My personal is Kim Merstein. I'm posting more about my apartment move and the whole saga if you wanna follow along.
• 38:43
  And we'll see you soon. Bye.