Latest / Intentional Guy / I Lost Two Sons. Never Once Did I Get Mad at God | Deston Rogers | Testimony #149

Transcript

I Lost Two Sons. Never Once Did I Get Mad at God | Deston Rogers | Testimony #149 · Intentional Guy

• Deston Rogers: And he says, Hey, all I'm supposed to tell you is there's been an accident. as as a father, all you know is there's been an accident, you don't know nothing about it. So I get on the phone, I make the phone call down to the hospital. And I talked to the CHP officer and she says, Yes, I'm sorry to say this, but there's been a tragic accident. And of course I'm like ready, prepared by that point when she said I said, What happened? your son did not survive the accident and his mom succumbed to her injuries. at that moment, you know, I I I just I remember standing at the counter with the phone in my hand because it's pre cell phones. And I just might like my whole world was just like everything just all of a sudden, the floor was taken out, and my whole world Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: just collapsed. Michael Chestnut: Hey everyone, welcome back to The Intentional Guy. Today, my guest spent four decades on the radio learning how to talk to people. Then he lost a son. Years later, right as he thought he had already survived the worst thing that could happen to him, he lost another one. Same kind of loss, different day, decades apart. This is a conversation about what's left standing in you after grief hits. the same way twice. Dustin Rogers, thank you for being on our show today. I am really looking forward to our conversation because we haven't really talked about this on here yet. Deston Rogers: Well, Michael, I I'm I'm honored to to be here and I'm, you know, honored that you've you asked me to share my story and you know, it it really is a a story of, you know, unimaginable loss and it's a it's a story of having to really lean into faith and everything. So yeah, I'm I'm just honored that you've asked me to be on your show. Michael Chestnut: Well, thank you. And and I can't even imagine the loss. You know, we're we're not meant to bury our children. And that's got to be one of the hardest loss I think a person could go through. And, you know, I don't want to take up too much of your time, but what I'd love for you to do is kind of share that story with us because I know how God has used my story to help other people. And through your loss, I know God has done probably the same thing for you. So today I just gonna ask you, Dustin, I'm just gonna hand this over to you. And if you would kind of walk us through the story and and what God's also done with this sense. Deston Rogers: Yeah, no problem, Michael. Well, to jump into it, as you mentioned, I did lose two sons, several years apart. So my first son, I was married at the time, not to her, not to my son's mother, but I was married at the time. And I was as you mentioned, I'd been working in radio for several years by that point. so my son Cody and his mom's name is Jody, and there's the other boy, his name is Dakota. so my mom so his mom and he and her fiance were traveling, going back to her hometown. And they were probably about an hour away from her hometown. And my son Cody was in the backseat and he had gotten out of his car seat. So he got out as he got out of his car seat, his mom, Jody, took her seatbelt off because she was the passenger and to put him back in the car seat. While as that was going on, the fiance, as happens a lot of times, was kind of distracted about what was going on in the backseat. So as he turns back around, because the you know, because of the distraction, the vehicle had drifted off at the right side of the roadway. and as happens a lot of times, he was overcorrected and the vehicle flipped several times. my son and his mom, Cody and his mom Jody were immediately ejected out of the vehicle. My son was only two and a half years old. so if you can imagine, you know, a child at two and a half years old, really there's the likelihood of survival was was very low. so my son unfortunately died upon impact. His mom succumbed to her injuries just a short time later. And so at the time of the accident, I was as I mentioned, I was in radio, it was a Saturday, I remember that. And I was I was outside getting ready to mow the lawn. And the ironic the kind of a funny thing now that I can look back at that is I'd actually reached out to my ex-wife because we're since divorced. But when I decided to open up and start talking about my story, I knew there were things that I didn't remember because my mind was so focused on just the phone call and and the accident. Michael Chestnut: I can imagine. Deston Rogers: Yeah, so I remem I remember it's it's funny, like now just I was having a hard time. I was fighting with the lawnmower, right? I couldn't get the thing thing started. And my ex wife at the time it says she goes, For some reason you're not meant to mow the grass and it was shortly that time after that I get this phone call from one of my friends at work. And he says, Hey, all I'm supposed to tell you is there's been an accident. You're supposed to call down to this hospital, you're supposed to call down and talk to the C HP officer. So as you can imagine, as as a father, all you know is there's been an accident, you don't know nothing about it. So I get on the phone, I make the phone call down to the hospital. This is in California. And I talked to the CHP officer and she says, This destination. I said, Yes, it is. She goes, I'm sorry to say this, but there's been a tragic accident. And of course I'm like ready, prepared by that point when she said tragic. I said, What happened? And she had told me what I just relayed to you. She said your son did not survive the accident and his mom succumbed to her injuries. at that moment, you know, I I I just I remember standing at the counter with the phone in my hand because it's pre cell phones. And I just might like my whole world was just like everything just all of a sudden, the floor was taken out, and my whole world Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: just collapsed. And you know. I think about it and sometimes I you know, it it's hard to think about sometimes. I'm not gonna lie. Michael Chestnut: imagin. Deston Rogers: But You know, you're y this bundle of joy just a couple years earlier, who you're looking at this this beautiful thing that God has given, right? This beautiful creation for between two people is now gone. And so, of course, I had to make phone calls at that time, right? And I think I think the hardest phone calls I had to make were to my parents, to the grandparents, to tell them that their grandson was no longer here. And dad was not living in the same town as I he was living in a town with my brothers at and my brother said he recalled my dad being on the phone and I told my dad what had happened and my dad had just dropped he just suddenly dropped to his knees. Because he Michael Chestnut: Mm. Deston Rogers: you know I mean it's just so but in the process, you know, while this has happened there's also Dakota. Dakota's his brother as I mentioned. His brother was just an infant So at the time of the accident I had an attorney were actually in a custody battle to try to get Cody and in a paternity test to determine if I was Dakota's father. So I contacted my attorney right after the accident happened, told him what happened. I said, We need the lab results have already been done. We're just waiting for the results. This is 1990, so it took longer to get lab results than they do today. Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: So he did what he had to do, and I want to say it was I want to say maybe a couple of days, maybe, before he called me back with the results. And he says, I got the lab results, and it says, Dakota is not your son. So not only did I lose my son, Cody, in that accident, I just lost another son to a paternity test in the same accident through the same course. And so he ended up being adopted by his grandparents. So I have we do the funeral service for Cody and his mom. Very, very tense because we really didn't get along with his mom, her mom at all. Cody with Jody's mom. So that was tense. So in between, so that happens, right? And as you mentioned, you know, going through the loss of one is is a lot. I wanna fast forward this for the sake of time. In 2008, my dad passes away. And I'm back home with my family, my second marriage at that time. And we're getting ready for all the services and stuff. And Cody and Dakota's aunt reaches out to me. This is small town California and she says, Hey, Dakota wants to come out and meet you. Is that okay? Keep in mind I had not seen Dakota since before the accident. So from 1990 to 2008, I never had any contact with Dakota. Yet we lived 60 miles away from each other. And of course I agreed. I'm like, sure, you know, he's more than welcome to come out. I'd love to reconnect with him. And so he comes out. And I had a copy of the accident. And he was, I want to say he was 17, 18 at this time, when this when this happened. Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: And so he I gave him the accident report. We re-established a connection. We re-established a bond thanks to her his aunt reaching out to me. And so from that point on, we started, you know, he starts calling me dad, I start calling him son, everything's going well. In between all of this, every time I ran into the same ant, she says, I don't care what the blood test says. She says, I'm telling you, he's your son. And I'd heard that more than one occasion, like, okay, but you it's just one of those things, like, that's cool, you know. Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: but what had happened, what I'd heard had happened, this is from the ant. She had said that the mother, the grandmother, knew somebody in the lab at the hospital. And prior to the my blood sample being sent off, it was changed. So it would not come back. Now, whether or not that's true, I don't know, but I'd heard that on more than one occasion. Right? And so Dakota and I did talk about doing a new blood test to determine if he was really my son. But then we got to the point of really there was no what would be the purpose behind it. Two things come out of that. One, he's my son, and now I'm furious but that all these years I didn't have a connection with the son that I should have had. Or two, it comes back and I'm not, and now he's wondering who his dad is. Those are the only two things that come out of that. And neither one of them is a good thing. So we decide not to do the blood test. So I w the say the radio station I was at in 1990 is the same radio station I was at in March of 2024. I was doing news for the radio station and we had a scanner. And on the scanner, I hear this call for an EMS response at this job site location. And I thought to myself, I said, that sounds a lot like where Dakota works. And 15 or 20 minutes later, I get a phone call from his best friend. And he says, Hey Destin, we couldn't get a hold of Dakota. So we sent somebody out to find him because we couldn't get a hold of him. They got out there and Dakota had passed away. So not only did I, in the sense of 1990, lose a second son to the paternity test, here it is 2024, and now I actually physically lose him again. Michael Chestnut: Mm. Deston Rogers: So as you can imagine, all that did was bring back everything that had happened back in 1990. Immediately my mind went back. And of course the second thought was, I have to go through this all over again. Why do I have to go through this all over again? Right? I mean to to lose one is one thing. To lose two and have to repeat that process, th that was just Michael Chestnut: yeah. Deston Rogers: you know, that's it's hard. It's it's really hard to recount, it's re it's hard. there are days that it's really hard to think why these things happen. But maybe I'll jump into your question your part about the question about the faith part. So when Cody and Jody passed away, well, actually through Cody, Jody passed away and Dakota, I was lucky that I had family, faith, and friends. Those are the three Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: things I had, right? And family and friends, of course, were right there to guide me, they're right there to help me through the process. Faith was that invisible part that I couldn't touch, I couldn't reach out to, I couldn't, I couldn't hug, I couldn't get a physical hug, but it's the one thing that I could turn to. where I could lean into something that I didn't know was there but I knew would get me through this. Right. In those in those moments where there was nobody around. Even to this day, if there's moments nobody around and I get this overwhelming feeling that I lose them or an anniversary comes up, like the anniversary of the accident or a birthday or anything like that, sometimes I find myself in my own thoughts alone. And my mind drifts back to everything that had happened. But those times are when I can look to God and my faith and say, God, get me through this moment. Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: Because, you know, grief is not a I say grief has a way of putting a timestamp in your brain. So at any moment your brain can immediately recall the day, everything that happened, faster than Michael Chestnut: yeah. Deston Rogers: any computer can. But faith, being able to lean into that and say, God, why? God help me get through this day. Help me get through these next five minutes, right? Because it's a challenge sometimes. It really is. Michael Chestnut: Right. yeah. Deston Rogers: So anyway, so we do, you know, we end up having the second service for Dakota. And I will say that, you know, he he struggled a lot for anybody out there who who struggles with this or knows somebody that struggles with this. And I think we all know somebody like this. He struggles with alcohol. Alcohol was his Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: his thing. He did try on a couple occasions to go through rehab. And he did you'd come out of rehab and you start doing well. The problem is sometimes you get put back in that same element that you were in before. And that has a way of not on purpose, not obviously people don't do it on purpose, but has a way of pulling you back into where you were before. So to say Say this in that he was a well-respected person in his community. He was a volunteer firefighter. He was an EMT. He led their EMT program. He was well respected in his community. And to see the caliber of respect that he had, not just from his little hometown, but through the through the counties that we were that we lived in. When we did a procession for him from I I was born in Bishop, California and we had to he had to go to Ridgecrest, which where where we had to take him, which is probably about a hundred miles. About the first sixty miles of that through each of the small communities that we went through because he was so involved in firefighting. The fire departments lined up and people lined up along the streets as we were going through. Michael Chestnut: Mm. Deston Rogers: So that in itself is a bit rewarding and knowing that he was well respected in in for what Michael Chestnut: yeah. Deston Rogers: he had done in his life. So when he was when he was buried, when we when we laid him to rest, I had to try to come up with some kind of reasoning why this was all happening. And I think for him, the way I look at it is God said. You have suffered long enough because he never got to know his mom. He never got to know his brother. And he struggled. The only way you got to know him was through the community, what people said about you know his mom and stuff. So the way I figured it was that God said, It's time for you to come home. It's time for Michael Chestnut: Mm. Deston Rogers: you to come be with your mom. It's time for you to come be with your brother. And I think in my mind, I'm I'm at ease knowing that he is he went home and that he is now with his mom and his brother for eternity. And When Cody and Jody were taken, my my mind says, my belief is that at that very particular moment that that accident happened, God needed two special angels. And those were the two angels that he called up. Michael Chestnut: Hm. Deston Rogers: That's my belief and that's what I tell myself is that he needed those two special angels at that time in life for for whatever reason, for whatever reason God needed him from or for needed him for, he called them home. And so now all three of them are home together. Michael Chestnut: Hmm. You know, and I I grief is the stages of grief are so hard and so long too. Well and I don't want to say so long. I n I I know working with people with grief, no two people are alike n at all. And how you handle that and and how long you may go through that. It it's really dependent upon the circumstances, the person. There's just so many calibers to that. when I lost my parents, it it was crazy. When I lost my mom, we were preparing for it. She she was in hospice. We went through that. And I I remember I didn't even cry, you know, after my mom died until it was six months later. And then my my dog died and I broke down crying and I realized I wasn't grieving my dog, I was grieving my mom and everything else. You know, it it's just it's just crazy. but trying to pick up the pieces of that is difficult. And I think I may have shared with you. I I run a group call for celebrate recovery. People who've gone through hurts, habits and hangups and and A lot of times we'll look at the addictive side of things, but we look past the hurts a lot of times too. Because you you have a couple of things that you can that can happen with her. It would be in your situation, I mean I'm looking at all the loss that you had. I mean, it no one would blame you for being bitter. No one would blame you for being bitter at God. a and feeling cheated in life, maybe. I'm sure there was a lot of things going in your ear at times. How did you how did you cope with that? Deston Rogers: Well, I I can say that never once did I get mad at God. I I didn't get mad. I I I I might I was mad at the situation, but I didn't get mad Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: at God. Right. I I'm mad you wanna talk about mad, I'm mad at you know did I get mad at the fiance, he should have been paying attention, right? He should have been watching the road. He shouldn't have been, you know, they were estimated speed was seventy to seventy five miles an hour. Why was he going so fast? And those are things like that. I held on to that for a long time, as you can imagine. You know, and one of the things is and when I mentioned earlier that I'd reached out to my ex-wife, she'd mentioned some things that I did not remember. For example, you know, I still have the accident report, right? And sometimes I'll go through it, I'll read it, and I get to the very last page. And they were gonna they were looking at charges against the driver. They were actually gonna charge her. and and And for the longest time I kept asking, why didn't they charge him? I couldn't remember. Why didn't they not charge him? That you know, not that I now that I look back, I'm glad they didn't. But I was like, why didn't they? And my ex-wife said, Don't you remember that phone call you got from the DA's office? And I said, No. They told you that they were gonna charge him. And they asked you, they were leaving up to you if you wanted to go through with the charges. And she do you remember what you told them? And I said, No. She says, You told them. He has to live with this the rest of his life. There's no need for him to go through that. Michael Chestnut: Mm. Deston Rogers: And I didn't remember that. Again, my mind was just on, you know, I didn't, I couldn't remember that aspect until she reminded me. So how do I, you know, it it really is. I I just think that, you know, having those three elements, faith, family, and friends, I think. Kept me from getting bitter, kept me from wanting to do more. I mean, were there times that I thought, do I how can I c go on? Absolutely. Like how does life go on after this? Then after Dakota passed away. How now can how does life really go on? So it's it's a matter of, as I said, you know, being able in those silent times, those alone times, because that's when the crazy thoughts come up, when you're not with anybody and you're all alone. And and I know you talked a lot about faith on this, but it's when the deceiver likes to pick at your brain and goes, Michael Chestnut: yeah. Deston Rogers: he's he's got some alone time. Let me not let me start feeding that. And when those thoughts start coming in, that's where I have to say that my God is stronger than the deceiver. Right? My God's Michael Chestnut: Mm. Deston Rogers: gonna make sure that that doesn't happen. So it's really, and a lot of this is stuff that I have developed after the accident. I didn't really have a whole strong faith when the accident happened. It's what God has done for me since then, where God has led me since then, that's allowed me to overcome and deal with these. Because as you mentioned, you know, when when grief happens, everybody's got different stages of grief. Everybody's got different ways they deal with it. But one thing that I've realized is that when I encounter someone else just by accident, we get in a conversation and they hear my story and I hear their story and they say, Yeah, I lost a child. Well, immediately, as soon as somebody says they lost a child, you've got an immediate connection. Because it doesn't Michael Chestnut: Hm. Deston Rogers: matter how you lost it. It's the fact that you lost a child and you had to bury it. So from that point on, you now have a connection with an individual. I would not have that connection with somebody now if I didn't have that accident. And I think when when when somebody comes to you, comes to me and we have those conversations, I think it's because God is arranging this for a reason. He's a reason he's he's arranging for us to meet for this reason. Maybe it's just a brief conversation that, hey, I understand what you're going through. Hey, I understand, I know where you're at. Hey, if you ever need to reach out, here I am. And that may just that may be all the conversation is, but I think when those happen, I think it's because God wants you to meet that person for a special reason. So I hope that kind of answers your question is i you know, there's no there's no one right answer, but it's bringing everything together to create the right environment to survive in. Michael Chestnut: When I think you hit it, faith, family, and friends. I mean, that's almost a a key element to anything in life. You know, God had God never meant for us to go through life alone. And it's in the isolation that the enemy really gets your ear and you start hearing those things, right? So being able Deston Rogers: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: to have a good community around you is so important. You know, that's that's where You know, family is great, but I I I tell you some of the best people in my life who helped me through some of the hardest things have been the people that I go to church with, my friends from church who have walked alongside me through some of those hardest moments, right? And I I think the the hardest part, I don't know if you you came across from this, and I always tell people, there's the ministry of presence. Right. Just being there for someone. you know, but I always have this. I told you just before we we started this podcast that I I sometimes I have to tell myself, shut up, because I like to talk too much. And the problem is in the silence, sometimes we people want to say something. They want to help you with your pain. They we have this innate desire to want to fix it. And sometimes that's when the most hurtful things happen. Sometimes that's one of the most the dumbest things that someone could ever say will say those. And I'm like, do you not realize that sometimes the best thing you do is just you don't have to say nothing other than, hey, I'm here. That Deston Rogers: Yeah. No I Yeah, I agree. And and you know, and obviously people don't do it at a you know, they do it 'cause they think they're helping, which is fine. You Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: know, that's nothing against them because that they're just they don't know how to deal with it either, right? As a family member or a friend. They they're they're, you know, before and I've I think we've all been in that situation where we've come across somebody who's gone through a tough time and we're like, Okay, what's the right thing to say? You know, I I feel like like you said, I feel obligated to say something. I'm here, but what do I say? What's the right one? how are you doing? Obviously that's kinda like well, I well I know how you're I don't know exactly, but I can pretty much imagine what you're feeling like. So I think sometimes, as you mentioned, it's just sometimes those of us that are going through the grief process or anything like that, sometimes we just need somebody who's gonna sit there and let us talk. And and and just just be that ear, be that that comfort of of hey, tell me whatever you want to hear. here to give you advice, I'm not here. I just want to know, are you okay and how can I help? Leave it up that how can I help? And then if you want to talk, let's just talk. And I'll let you talk. You know. So and I was Michael Chestnut: Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Deston Rogers: and I was, you know, I have three other brothers and we didn't grow up in a strong religious background. our parents were and I am and I'm thankful for this. Our parents let us decide what we wanted to do with our own life as far as religion goes. If that's what we wanted, that's great. They never forced it on us. Which I'm go I'm grateful for. Because we're able to all in able to create our own belief however we want to do it. I always believed, even as a child, I always believed in God. I always knew there was God. Just at what point was that gonna come into my life. And I'm thankful for that. And I was able to because of that I was able to go down that path in my own way, right? And find my own path for that. So Michael Chestnut: Well, how did let me ask you this question through it too, because there there has to be a turning point somewhere in here, where I mean, one, it seems like boom, boom, boom, but these are all scattered out, right? And so you could almost see that as also as a spiritual attack trying to hit you and knock you down. is there a point in this thing where you you know, God said, spoke to you and was like, hey, Here's where my purpose is for you with this. Or this is th here just here I am. Here, I'm God, I'm right here, you know, even though you're going through this. Deston Rogers: Well, I think you know, I I'm always of the belief that that obviously the minute the minute we're conceived, God has everything lined up for us. He has he he knows exactly what's gonna happen on each and every one of our lives. The happy times, the trials, he's got it all line. He knows the stuff's gonna happen, right? He knows it. He's he's the he's the father. He he knows he can he he establishes all that. I think what he does is is through all of this Is he's wanting to teach us how to learn into his strength, even going through the adversities that we go through. Is like you mentioned, in those moments, it's when we could feel the opposite pulling us back down, right? And then it's easy, right? Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: There's two paths that you can go down to. You can go to the path. That's going lead you, lead you closer to your belief in your in God and the faith. Or there's the other path that leads you down the opposite way. And I think sometimes we get to that point and it's like, well gosh, this this road looks a lot easier. You know, I can just go down over Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: here. And as you mentioned, the recovery part, i i I like how you say it's not just, you know, it's not just about substance, it's recovery is also about loss, right? And so we can go down that road. this is great. I can go down here, maybe have a couple of drinks. I I I can do this over here. Or I can go this road and this road to to faith, to belief is not exactly paved. Great, right? It's gonna it's got rocks, it's got hills, it's got everything, you're gonna trip, you're gonna fall. But at the end, it's the end that we get to, that we know reason why we choose that path. It's that end result, Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: right? And and and so I think for me it was my purpose now, having spent 40 years in radio broadcasting. Is God had me learn all this stuff because where I'm at now today is and maybe your audience knows this, but I I I host my own podcast called Eagle Freedom Presents. And I wanted to use my voice that I'd use so many years in radio, but I wanted to use it in a way to serve other people. How can I use my voice to serve other people? And I figured that's where God stepped up and says, I have your purpose now. I had you go through all of this and now it's time for you to use all of that stuff you went through to serve other people. And I believe that when I made that final decision to to do that, it w it was a It was my point to say I can take all my adversity and use it as a vehicle to allow other people to share their similar experiences or whatever experience they're go through. Because as I mentioned, I I I can I can relate to somebody who's who's lost somebody. I I have gone through financial issues, I've lost them, I've gone through bankruptcy. So it's a lot of this I've gone through that I can understand, right? And so I think that now is my purpose. God has set me down and said, here you go. You gotta create it. I'm just giving you I'm just giving you the basics. Now I want you to put all the details into it and I want you to work it out. And I think I've been blessed. Since I've started this. I've been blessed with amazing people that I've met, amazing journeys that I never never would have even touched on had I just stayed it and gone in radio. But Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: I've been able to hear so many amazing stories. Stories that even even though I've gone through the loss of of two sons and their mom, and I hear some of these other stories and go, I would not want to go through what they went through, right? I Michael Chestnut: Yeah, right. Deston Rogers: would not want to go with that. And so I think that's that's where God has said, here is what I want you to do. My gift that I was given from God was my voice. He gave me the voice, my voice, to use. And I want to use it to serve him the best way that I can. Michael Chestnut: And and there's nothing better than when God can give you a purpose through the fire and and and the st storms and struggles in life. And I mean, me and you are a lot alike in some some different areas. That's you know, I went through my own journey of restoration. I I used to be in ministry and fell into lust and back when pornography started hitting the internet and things like that. And you know, I lost everything. And but it was, you know, in that loss, though, I was able to find God again. And I for me, the real joy was not only did I find God again, I really found who God was. I was living more of a performance based Christianity at that point. And here now life was being tested. And it took me 15 years to find that restoration. And out of that 15 years, at the end of that 15 years, God started this podcast. And one of the the biggest things that I enjoyed was where I found healing for me when I started hearing other people's stories and hearing what they had gone through, but then being able to see how God lifted them up through that and got them through it. It brought me hope that. I'm not the exception. God can use everybody else but me, right? And through that those stories we find similarities. Even even though like my story and your story is different, we can find these similarities of where God, you know, used friends, used families, used faith, to restore life back into us and to breathe back into us that. So, I resonate that part with you, and you being able to use that gift, you know, to go onto a podcast and then really pull out of people's their stories so that they can be used again. So how long have you been Deston Rogers: Yeah, and I think Michael Chestnut: doing it? Deston Rogers: so the podcast is just over a year now. It's just over a year now. And I'm you know, it's one of those deals where okay, here we go. You know, being in radio is one thing, right? Doing doing Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: a podcast and i I the audio stuff's not but it but seeing myself on YouTube and stuff like that, that's a that's a whole different, you know. We Michael Chestnut: Ha ha ha. Deston Rogers: always we always joke, you don't have to look good in radio, you just have to sound good, Michael Chestnut: Right. Deston Rogers: you know. But but I will say that you know, I do wanna touch real quick I I was my my second marriage, where I really got involved in church. we found a church and became really involved in the church. I was part of the men's choir, which I don't know I to this day I still think think I can't sing, but that's okay. But that's where I really, really kind of developed a a firm, stronger belief in God, in in faith, in and down that road, Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: because at one point, I always joke about this, but at one time I remember it was a Sunday and the pastor comes up to me and he says, Hey, I'm not gonna be here whatever the date was. He goes, he looks at me, he says, I want you to lead the congregation for service. And I'm, you know, I'm always joking, he's obviously talking to somebody behind me. I just happen to be in the way. So I got the message. And of course, you know, I always joke to say, well, when the pastor asks you to do something, you can't say no. Right? So I I agreed to, I agreed to to lead the congregation on that Sunday. I can't remember anything I talked about. I have tried so hard to remember what I talked about. Because I remember asking him, okay, well, that's fine, because well, what do I say? I think the coolest thing is, he says, you'll figure it out. Like he wouldn't give me anything. He just said, you will figure it out. And I wish to this day I wish I could do that. But being in a position like that where, you know, when you're being asked to lead a congregation in church, it doesn't matter what it's just you're being asked to lead, right? That's a huge responsibility. And to, you know, to think of the right words, because you're not just speaking one-on-one, you're talking to the whole congregation. Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: Right. How do you do a message that that reaches the masses at that time? And I like I said, I wish I could remember, but I do remember that I think that was a point where God said, Okay, let's see what you're see where you're at here on this journey. And it was that point, I think, was where really kinda like, wow, I I really need this in in my life. And and the other thing I'll I'll say, the other part about this is community. We talked about, you know, family, friends, and faith. And I will say that one thing I have realized since since the podcast and it's doing this is my circle has changed. My circle of influence, my circle of community Michael Chestnut: Mm. Deston Rogers: has changed. I just recently joined a a group of men. It's called Million Man, it's called the Million Man campaign. And it's based on six pillars: family, faith, fitness, finances, friendship, and fight. And talk about having something where men, as you know, men are were taught growing up to be tough, be strong, don't talk about your problems, just live life. That's what you're supposed to do. To be in a group now. Where the group setting is come to us, where we can. This is like this is international. It's over 800 men. And we're able to connect with other people and just say, I just need somebody to talk to. That's not gonna judge me, that's not gonna ridicule me, that's not gonna put me down. Because I think that's one of the reasons why guys don't open up so much, is they don't want to be judged, right? They Michael Chestnut: Right. Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: we don't want to be judged by anybody for what we're going through, or we don't want to be we get embarrassed, right? Or when you're in a group of men who That's not what they're here for. We're not here to embarrass you. We're here to lift you up. We're here to also hold you accountable for things that you're doing. So I've been fortunate in that I've been able since I've started this. My circle has of faith-based individuals has grown tremendously since launching this. And and that that's only because of God. That's only because God has guided me to this path where I'm at today to go through all of this. And and just briefly, so. My brothers and I, we watched our mother take her last breath. She passed away from cancer. my father was found deceased in the front of his in front of his home. My mom's s second husband, he well, for for lack of better words, he didn't get along with anybody else too much. He distanced himself from his own his own kids and those family. He also developed cancer. I was the only one there taking care of him. And doctors had to come to me when he was really to the point of going either way and said, We need you to make a decision whether we we treat him or we let nature take its course. And to be in a position where you have to make a decision whether somebody survives or not, that's a tough it's not just an impassing. It's something I think about today. It's like I had to make a decision, right, on somebody else's life. Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: But all of that to say, God put me through all of those to be where I am today. And I wouldn't be the person I am today if God did not put those challenges in front of me. Michael Chestnut: Mm. Yeah. Amen. Well, let me ask you this too before we go today. I can't help but think that you're on here for a reason and there's probably a guy listening. What and and you brought it up a minute ago. I think something that I noticed growing up that's kind of different than I see today. I was brought up in a in a time when Men didn't really share feelings. We didn't share emotions. We didn't share our struggles. You know, your faith should be strong enough. I'm a man, I'm strong enough to do this alone and whatever. One of the best things that I've I found, I I'm like you, that I've gone through my story is who God has created me because of it now and taken it and done. But also I learned that I get to choose who I associate with. I get to choose those men in my life. And I I I choose to put myself in a place of success. I want to be a I I I have a group that of men that meets every two weeks. And we meet at a this dock and we have a Bible study. And sometimes there's as many as 20 of us that are there. It's one of the my best things as I've gone through, I told you, I've gone through some health things and I've had those men to be able to lean on during that. but when we go through some of this. The heaviest moments is where we're tested. And the loss of a child, the loss of a loved one, a spouse, even a parent. We got some men that are probably listening to that. What advice would you give them to the man who is in the thick of it right now? Deston Rogers: I think what I would say is one, it's okay to acknowledge that you're going through it. It's okay. Because as you mentioned, you know, we both grew up in the same era about being tough. Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: You know, when when my my first son passed, when Cody passed away, I went to work about a week later. I was right back to work. I gotta do what I gotta do. Know that it's okay that you don't have to go right back at to what you were doing before. don't be afraid. in those moments where you feel weak, when you feel like you can't go on, because there's those moments, those are those moments that creep into your mind. That's those those silent moments. Know that there is help out there. If you need a family, a friend member, heck, if you just you get my contact information through here, if you're struggling, reach out to me. I I don't care. I'll I'll I'll talk to you. I'll whatever. Because guys need that and that's what I'm here for. You know, I I believe that's why I'm here. That's why I've been going through and everything. So it's okay. And I will say this, I've used counseling in to to get me there, especially after my second son passed away. I've used a counselor, and there's nothing wrong With seeking professional help. There's it's not a moment of weakness, it's a moment of strength. When you reach out Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Deston Rogers: to ask for help, that's a moment of strength. And that's actually one of the first things you can do. When you're starting to reach out, that's one of the first things you can do to start getting your life back, is acknowledging that you do need help. None of us can get through this alone. I tried it, you know, I tried doing my own things, keeping to myself. That didn't work. But like I said, I was lucky to have family, faith, and friends to help me through it. And being able to share my story openly and publicly with the with the public is also a therapy for me as well. So it's okay. It's okay to acknowledge it. It's okay to go through it. If you need help, reach out. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. Michael Chestnut: I'm glad that you said that because that's where freedom actually took root for me. I because we found out before the show that you're three days older than me. And so you're you're the oldest man in the in the room at the moment. Deston Rogers: Yeah. Michael Chestnut: But I we grew up with you know, counseling wasn't a thing a man did back then. And and it did show weakness. And so that's that was always embedded in my mind. And then I finally f was forced to go see a counselor. And man, that's when real change took place in me. And that's to just to in my part of my story, that's where Freedom started I started seeing it happen because I I didn't have the tools I needed to deal with some of the things that had taken place in my life. And there's nothing wrong with that. We and that's why we need a professional sometimes, because they can help you walk through it. So I think that's great advice. Great advice on that. before we go. Tell us about your podcast. Where do they find it at? Deston Rogers: Yeah, sure. So the name of the podcast is Eagle Freedom Presents and you can go to simple Eagle FreedomPresents dot com. It's on all the major streaming platforms. It's on YouTube. All everything's under the same name, Eagle Freedom Presents dot com. If you want to send me an email, I and I'm I mean this. If you're somebody out there who's struggling and you just want to reach out and you just say, hey, I just need to send an email to somebody, just send an eagle email to Eagle Freedom Presents at gmail dot com. I'll get that. but yeah, you know, again, it's it's been a great platform. It's allowed us to communicate. It's allowed me to communicate with the world. And as you as you mentioned real quick, you just mentioned the toolbox. You know, when we were going up, there weren't many tools in the toolbox. Technology and times have changed. There are so many different tools now to use out there. So don't be afraid to reach out and reach into that toolbox and use whatever tool you've got. Michael Chestnut: Yeah. Well, Dustin, thank you for being on here today. I'm gonna make sure that all the information you just gave us is in the description. So if you wanna reach out by email to him, go to his podcast, we'll have all that in the description for you guys. But Dustin, thank you for being on here. Thank you for sharing your story, powerful story today, and I appreciate that. And to my listeners who are listening, if God spoke to you today, you know Make sure to drop a note in the disc in the comments below of what God has talked to you about today. And until next time, I just want to remind you to keep being intentional. We'll see you then.