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Symphony of Parenting: Transforming Negative Talk into Positive Growth After Divorce · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback podcast.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 72.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Last week, I began a series called the Symphony of Parenting.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: In the first episode, I talked about being consistent as a parent on your end, not focusing on what's outside your control, but what happens in your home.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: It's a valuable lesson in parenting, even if you are not divorced.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: What I have heard in conversations for the last 11 years is a negativity in tone over our exes.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: While I know personally I have done this, I have not done it in front of my kids.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: This is what I want to talk about today the why it is important to keep this under wraps from our children.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I know we want what's best for our children and the ramifications of this kind of verbiage around our ex provides long-term disadvantages for our children.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: We do not want our kids to grow up to be adults who are afraid of commitment, have abandonment issues.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: We do not want our kids to grow up to be adults who are afraid of commitment, have abandonment issues or are unable to clear certain words from their heads that they have heard you scream or utter under your breath.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: They may have one of these issues now simply because of the divorce, but right now we can recognize it and get them into therapy.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: How they see you interact with your ex sets them up for what they will do in their own relationships down the road.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I have seven tips to share with you today to protect your kid's emotional impact from negative language.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Number one don't talk about your ex in front of your kids or when they spend time with them.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Encourage your child in their feelings and let them talk about the time and activities they did with them.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: The fact they spent any time at all with your ex is a good sign.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Number two do your best to encourage your kids to talk to their parent when they say they miss them.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Let them use your phone to call and even if they want to spend any extra time during the week, say, like a quick dinner if time allows it, let them.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: This builds trust with your children and lets them know you are not punishing them for missing their parent.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Number three don't trash talk on the phone with the friend when the kids are home.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: I promise you one of them will hear, because they always hear what they're not supposed to hear.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: This plants those words in their head.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: They will take years to unhear.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Number four find a release for your anger A divorce care group, a therapist group, counseling or a support group.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Do not unleash this on your children.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Number five remember to tell your kids hey, it's not your fault.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: They need to hear this like it's their favorite song on repeat right now.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: It's not your fault.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Number six forgive yourself if you make a mistake because, trust me, we do it, I've done it, you've done it.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: But give yourself some grace and forgiveness because we are human and we will make those mistakes and our kids will see Own up and apologize.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Number seven kids internalize all their thoughts and feelings.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: So by not trash talking, you're helping your child focus on the best attributes they receive from the both of you.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: The other parent is their parent, like it's their dad or their mom, and it's important for them to see the good qualities that they got from that parent.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: You once were attracted to your ex and loved their qualities and attributes.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Your child is a reflection of this.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Let them know this and talk to them about the positive qualities they inherited from your ex.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: It's so important that your child believes the best version of their other parent.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Whether or not you do right, the proof will be when they see for themselves and have a conversation with you about what they see.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Please remember you want them to grow up to be their healthiest selves.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: You have a profound impact on that outcome.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: No pressure or judgment at all.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Today's a new day to start doing the right thing.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Don't be afraid you will lose your kids.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: They see the truth even when you don't think they do lose your kids.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: They see the truth even when you don't think they do.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: So, wherever you find yourself in this place of divorce, please know you don't have to do it alone.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I would love to come alongside you to help you build a game plan to move off the bench and get your life back and get back into the game.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Join me next week as I discuss the best way to support your children as they navigate this transition from house to house.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: It's a big one and it happens very frequently.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: You won't want to miss it.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I'll see you then.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I'll see you then you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Thank you.