Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How Do Narcissists Act When You Are Sad Around Them?

Transcript

How Do Narcissists Act When You Are Sad Around Them? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what happens when you're sad around a narcissist?
• 0:04
  Like, how do they act? How do they react?
• 0:06
  Do they treat you any better? Do they get kind, caring and
• 0:10
  compassionate and stroke your hair or hug you and kiss you?
• 0:13
  Or do they go in the other room and slam the damn door, pretend
• 0:16
  like nothing's happened? Or did it tell you to shut the
• 0:19
  hell up and stop your whining? What happens?
• 0:23
  That's what we're talking about today.
• 0:24
  Yeah, of course. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:25
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist here
• 0:27
  to give you inside look at the mind of a narcissist.
• 0:29
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:31
  Let's get it. So boom, welcome back folks,
• 0:50
  welcome back, welcome back. Yes narcissistic people do not
• 0:55
  like it when you are sad around it.
• 0:57
  Well not every single narcissist.
• 0:59
  Now let me go ahead and leave the video off by saying no two
• 1:02
  narcissists are the same. Got it got it, good good.
• 1:08
  No2 narcissistic people, 2 toxic ass people are going to be the
• 1:12
  same. So no two narcissists are going
• 1:14
  to react the same. Now, some could react in a
• 1:18
  certain in certain ways and whatnot, right?
• 1:20
  But this is what goes on right here.
• 1:22
  This is what happens in these certain situations.
• 1:25
  They're going to react differently.
• 1:26
  So let's hop right into it. Yeah.
• 1:30
  Could there be a narcissist out there that when you get sad,
• 1:35
  they get kind, caring and compassionate.
• 1:38
  When you are sad around them, they just be like, you know
• 1:41
  what? I'm going to be here for you.
• 1:43
  I'm going to be the best thing that ever happened to you.
• 1:45
  I'm going to do everything that needs to be done.
• 1:48
  I lean on me, look, cry on my shoulder, look, I don't even
• 1:51
  need a handkerchief. You can just get my shirt wet.
• 1:54
  Cry. I'll hug you, I'll kiss you,
• 1:56
  I'll be there. I'll clap them cheeks if you
• 1:58
  need me to. Do those exist?
• 2:01
  Yes, they absolutely exist. There are a lot of narcissistic
• 2:06
  people out there who actually have that mentality.
• 2:08
  They want you to be sad. They want you to be unhappy.
• 2:11
  They want you to be so they can play hero.
• 2:14
  They want that, that they want you to be grieving or something
• 2:16
  like that so they can play the hero.
• 2:18
  They absolutely love it. There are some that thrive on it
• 2:22
  because now if they give you a little bit of empathy, if they
• 2:25
  give you a hug or kiss or something like that, they will
• 2:28
  expect something later on. It's transactional.
• 2:30
  Y'all know? Y'all know not relationships
• 2:32
  with narcissists are typically going to be transactional.
• 2:36
  This not going to be any different.
• 2:37
  You being sad is not going to be any different.
• 2:41
  If they are there for you when you're sad, you have to
• 2:45
  anticipate that they're going to want something for you later or
• 2:48
  they're going to use this as a get out of accountability free
• 2:51
  card. They're going to say, you know
• 2:53
  what, guess what, you remember. So you act like I ain't never
• 2:55
  did nothing for you. You remember the time your dog
• 2:58
  got hit by a car and yeah, I was driving the car, of course,
• 3:01
  right? The dog got hit by a car by me.
• 3:03
  I was driving, you remember that?
• 3:06
  I was there for you. I hugged you, I cooked you, I
• 3:09
  cooked for you. I did all, I did all this stuff
• 3:11
  for you. You go out like I did.
• 3:13
  I ain't never. Been there for you act like I
• 3:15
  never did anything. For you, they're going to use it
• 3:18
  to get leverage later on, just like a lot of narcissistic
• 3:22
  people do. They're going to use this
• 3:23
  situation to get leverage from you later on.
• 3:27
  This is how it works. I'm dead, I'm dead serious.
• 3:29
  And y'all, if you dealt with a narcissist, you know exactly
• 3:32
  what I'm talking about. You know exactly what I mean,
• 3:34
  that they're going to use this right here for something later
• 3:37
  on. Give me something later.
• 3:38
  I give you something now. I'm giving you some compassion,
• 3:41
  I'm giving you some some some some physical intimity,
• 3:46
  intimity, empathy, right? I'm hugging you, I'm caring for
• 3:50
  you, I'm being there for you. I'm offering you my time, my
• 3:53
  effort, my energy. So I need something from you
• 3:55
  later on. That's what's going to happen
• 3:58
  for some, not for all. Now I know that I had to get
• 4:02
  that pull out the way first because not all of them will act
• 4:04
  like that now. All of them will be there for
• 4:07
  you or hug you or kiss you or do anything for you.
• 4:10
  I think personally, the majority of them are going to do the
• 4:15
  opposite. I think the majority of
• 4:19
  narcissists are actually going to lose.
• 4:22
  Lose it when you are sad. Like damn, Lee, that's now.
• 4:26
  Now Lee, you're cooking now, Lee, you cooking with grease.
• 4:30
  You cooking with the hottest grease in Greensboro.
• 4:35
  No, this is I'll tell you how this I had to tell you how this
• 4:40
  story at a different time, but there's Yeah, Dave, both of them
• 4:45
  will not be there for you when you're sad or when you're
• 4:47
  grieving or when you need them. That's just the objective truth.
• 4:51
  They're not going to be there for you.
• 4:54
  So you acting like you thinking that they're going to be there
• 4:56
  for you is you doing yourself a disservice.
• 4:59
  Let's be real, like most narcissists, when you're sad
• 5:01
  around them, some of them or most of them are going to get
• 5:05
  angry. Most of them will imagine your
• 5:08
  partner getting pissed off and angry because you're sad.
• 5:12
  And like I said, I said grieving, but sadness can you
• 5:15
  just had a bad day. Like you had a bad day at work.
• 5:18
  Your boss yelled at you. You lost a client, right?
• 5:21
  You got there late or you got there early.
• 5:23
  Something happened. You lost your job, right?
• 5:26
  You got kicked out of school. You got AB minus when you wanted
• 5:29
  an A you failed a client. Like you're sad about something
• 5:33
  and they just meet you with anger.
• 5:37
  They meet you with anger, they meet your sadness with anger,
• 5:42
  and that can make you there. They can do damage to you that
• 5:44
  can hurt your feelings, that can do a lot of harm to your mind in
• 5:47
  this type of situation right here.
• 5:49
  When they meet you with anger, when you need compassion, when
• 5:52
  you need some type of love, when you need some type of joy or
• 5:54
  something. You need somebody to be there
• 5:55
  for you and they're meeting you with this pissed off attitude.
• 5:59
  They're meeting you with this flaming hot fire that they have.
• 6:02
  That's crazy. That's insane.
• 6:06
  You know most of them like this is like this does not have to be
• 6:10
  a boyfriend, girl, girlfriend, husband, wife relationship
• 6:13
  dynamic right here. This could absolutely be
• 6:16
  absolutely be your parent being sad around a narcissistic
• 6:19
  parent. This could be absolutely be your
• 6:21
  friend, your teacher, your boss. Be sad around them.
• 6:24
  You'll see that you'll see that your true character come out of
• 6:27
  it, right? A lot of them hate that when
• 6:29
  you're sad around them, they'll make they'll make you pay for
• 6:31
  being sad. They'll call you negative Nancy
• 6:33
  or negative Ned, right? There's just like you a buzz.
• 6:35
  They'll call your sadness A buzzkill.
• 6:38
  Now they are allowed to be sad, right?
• 6:41
  They're allowed to be unhappy. They're allowed to complain.
• 6:43
  But you can't like, right? You ain't not even really sad
• 6:48
  sad. You just might be just tired of
• 6:50
  something. You want a life change.
• 6:52
  You want something to happen in your life.
• 6:53
  You want your life to get better in some way, shape or form and
• 6:56
  it just not working out for you right now.
• 6:58
  And this what type of stuff that ends up happening like you are
• 7:01
  going through it, you are battling it in this situation.
• 7:04
  You are you want the best for yourself in this scenario and
• 7:07
  you're trying to go out there and get it.
• 7:08
  And then you get met with this narcissism, you get met with
• 7:12
  this toxicity, you get met with the this, this, this horrible
• 7:16
  ass person is not being there for you.
• 7:20
  And I know that sucks, right? But this is the mindset of a
• 7:23
  narcissist. Now, Lee, you told us what
• 7:25
  they'll do. Some of them will do right, But
• 7:28
  what, what will others do? Some of them, like I said, we'll
• 7:31
  get angry at you So but some of them will just ignore you.
• 7:34
  Don't expect empathy from a a, a, a caring a person that
• 7:37
  doesn't care. They, they don't care if they
• 7:39
  haven't cared before. Don't expect empathy from them
• 7:42
  when you're sad around them. Some of them will just pretend
• 7:44
  they don't see you like you don't exist.
• 7:47
  They'll go on a way if you're sad or you're crying or you're
• 7:49
  grieving or you need some type of emotional support you might
• 7:52
  have that you might need a friend or somebody else to be
• 7:54
  there for your family member. But whoever, right?
• 7:57
  You need somebody. An AI chat bot will give you
• 7:59
  more empathy than your narcissistic partner, right?
• 8:02
  That's crazy. You got AAI chat bots, Chat bots
• 8:05
  out here giving out more empathy than your narcissistic partner,
• 8:09
  which is insane, right? Which is insane.
• 8:13
  Yeah, AI bots giving out more empathy and shit than your the
• 8:16
  narcissistic partners do, which is crazy.
• 8:20
  Which is absolutely crazy. But again, they this is how this
• 8:23
  is how they be. This is how some of them will be
• 8:26
  and believe. Why do they do this?
• 8:29
  I'm glad you asked. Most narcissistic people that
• 8:32
  show you this lack of empathy, this just overall this, this
• 8:36
  just lack when they don't give you anything, it's because they
• 8:40
  don't have the emotional capacity for it.
• 8:42
  And I, I say emotional capacity, they narcissist can feel y'all.
• 8:47
  I know some people like they don't feel at all.
• 8:48
  Narcissist can feel, but it's limited.
• 8:51
  I feel like it's limited. I feel like there's not a lot, a
• 8:53
  lot not enough feelings to go around right.
• 8:56
  So there's not enough feelings to go around.
• 8:58
  When they do finally get out of it, when they do finally start
• 9:00
  to do stuff, like when they go out, they go out in the real
• 9:03
  world and they get exhausted on their own, right?
• 9:07
  Because other people need stuff from them.
• 9:09
  Other people need emotions from them.
• 9:10
  Other people require stuff from them.
• 9:12
  When they come home or when it comes to deal with you, they got
• 9:15
  nothing left. They got nothing for you, right?
• 9:19
  There's nothing that they have for you right here, right?
• 9:22
  They don't have anything left to give you.
• 9:23
  So that happens quite a bit too to a lot of people in these
• 9:25
  situations, like they come home and they're just burnt out of
• 9:28
  emotions because they don't have the law and they have limited
• 9:31
  emotional capacity. Not all some, right?
• 9:35
  So they don't come home. They don't want to deal with
• 9:37
  your stuff. You're overwhelmed.
• 9:39
  You're overloading their system, right?
• 9:41
  They have limited emotional capacity already.
• 9:44
  So when you need something from them, you need some type of
• 9:46
  emotion from them. They, they don't have any left
• 9:48
  to give and it's unfair to you as their partner or your friend
• 9:53
  or their your, their child or whatever.
• 9:55
  It's unfair to you because you're the closest person to
• 9:58
  them and you get the least. Everybody else seems like they
• 10:00
  get compassion from them, right? I know you're like, that's
• 10:03
  crazy. Everybody else gets compassion.
• 10:05
  Everybody else gets this, everybody else gets that, but
• 10:07
  you get nothing. They they give you little to
• 10:10
  nothing. They don't give you.
• 10:12
  They don't give you little to nothing.
• 10:13
  They don't want to deal with it. Like I said, they're they're
• 10:15
  they're you overwhelm your emotions.
• 10:17
  Your sadness overwhelms the senses of a narcissistic person.
• 10:22
  I know that. Again.
• 10:22
  Yeah, I know how insane that sounds like when you are just
• 10:26
  like Lee. They ain't got nothing to give
• 10:29
  Even. Yeah, even if you're at home
• 10:30
  with them, they don't want to give it to your emotions.
• 10:33
  Your sadness is a hindrance you're taking away from them.
• 10:36
  Narcissistic people only want to be around people that are not
• 10:39
  taking away from them. They won't.
• 10:41
  They want, they want to be around people that are just
• 10:43
  giving to them, giving, giving, giving.
• 10:44
  Now you saying they give, give, give.
• 10:46
  They won't. They want validation.
• 10:47
  They won't external, they won't. Narcissistic supply and when
• 10:50
  they are already feeling bad about their lives or the work
• 10:54
  something going on, they're unhappy internally.
• 10:56
  Your sadness just makes them more unhappy.
• 10:58
  Your sadness just contributes more to their unhappiness.
• 11:02
  And that's typically how it goes.
• 11:03
  You know, it's nothing that you've done wrong.
• 11:05
  Like you're, you're a human being.
• 11:07
  You should be able to express yourself in in healthy emotional
• 11:10
  ways, right? You should be able to because
• 11:12
  this is your family member. This is your friend.
• 11:13
  It's your partner, it's your spouse, right?
• 11:16
  This is what goes on. You should be able to, but when
• 11:18
  ours is, you can't. Like again, in the beginning,
• 11:21
  they might do that for you. They might be there for you, you
• 11:24
  know, and that's what keeps you there longer.
• 11:26
  But most of them will, a lot of them will give you the red flags
• 11:29
  in the beginning that they don't have the empathy for you and you
• 11:33
  don't recognize it. And then get what happens.
• 11:36
  You don't recognize it or you do recognize and you just blow past
• 11:38
  it. And I guess what happens, you
• 11:40
  end up in this toxic ass relationship dynamic pool much
• 11:43
  longer than you need to be. Much much longer than you need
• 11:46
  to be. You don't need to be in this
• 11:47
  toxic relationship dynamic. You don't need to be in it.
• 11:50
  But I'm telling you, they'll suck you into it and just mess
• 11:53
  your life up. You don't want these.
• 11:54
  They will mess your life up. Y'all.
• 11:56
  You don't need your life messed up by a toxic narcissistic
• 11:58
  bastard that does not deserve you.
• 12:00
  That's just that. That's just it right there.
• 12:02
  Yeah. So when you're sat around a
• 12:03
  narcissist, well, Lee, what should we do when you're sat
• 12:05
  around a narcissist, Like if you understand that you they're not
• 12:08
  going to give you anything. They can't be there for you
• 12:10
  emotionally. You probably have to find them
• 12:12
  another event, somebody else to vent to someone, something else,
• 12:15
  another way to express yourself healthy in a healthy way to
• 12:19
  maybe somebody else. But again, that doesn't mean go
• 12:21
  cozy up with somebody else. And just like, well, Lee, I
• 12:24
  started cheating on my my spouse because they were, they were not
• 12:26
  there emotionally. Like they didn't give me
• 12:28
  anything emotionally. So I started cheating and I'm
• 12:30
  minor nurses, you know what I'm saying?
• 12:31
  You have every time I hear those stories right there when I'm
• 12:33
  doing when I do my one on ones over zoom, they literally I
• 12:35
  start cheating on my partner because they did it.
• 12:36
  I'm like, Oh my goodness, what are we doing here?
• 12:39
  What are we doing y'all? Anyway, y'all, if you haven't
• 12:43
  already, make sure you check out my website mentalillness.net for
• 12:46
  my courses that are half off right now.
• 12:48
  You can enter the code mothers or fathers to get 50% off my
• 12:51
  courses about understanding what you went through and healing
• 12:54
  from a narcissistic relationship.
• 12:55
  Y'all check them out mental illness.net and I am out please.