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You Need To Know These Words To Heal From a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Welcome to video three of the AB CS of narcissism.
• 0:04
  If you missed the 1st 2 videos, it doesn't matter.
• 0:06
  You can go back and watch those in any order.
• 0:09
  It still will all make sense. This is not in chronological
• 0:12
  order. It will all make sense as long
• 0:13
  as you know your AB CS. But this series I assign a
• 0:18
  definition or a word to each letter of the alphabet
• 0:22
  concerning narcissistic abuse and narcissistic relationships.
• 0:25
  Today we're covering the letters M through S and y'all, I had to
• 0:29
  stretch. I had to stretch a little bit
• 0:32
  for the letter Q just you got Hey, you got to bear with me.
• 0:38
  But M stands for manipulation. Guess we out.
• 0:43
  Let's be real. All narcissists manipulate
• 0:46
  people. Now, does manipulating people
• 0:48
  make you a narcissist? No, it doesn't automatically
• 0:50
  qualify you as a narcissist because people manipulate all
• 0:53
  the time, right? And some people manipulate
• 0:55
  narcissists to get them to do right, to get them to treat them
• 0:58
  better. I I've heard of that as well and
• 1:01
  whatnot. But manipulation is a kind of
• 1:04
  damn near a, a tent pole in narcissistic abuse.
• 1:08
  And just to feel the narcissism, the niche of narcissism over all
• 1:12
  throughout the world, manipulation runs rampant with
• 1:14
  narcissistic people. So yes, M stands for
• 1:17
  manipulation manipulation. It also stands for mirroring Woo
• 1:24
  doing the love bombing face, what we talked about last video.
• 1:28
  A lot of narcissists get you to fall in love with them.
• 1:30
  And one way that they get you to fall in love with them is by
• 1:33
  mirroring you, by acting like you, by picking up the same
• 1:37
  traits and the same things that you like and the same things
• 1:41
  that you that you choose to dislike.
• 1:43
  They mirror that stuff. So now you like I, I got a good
• 1:47
  one. I don't feel in love with a good
• 1:49
  one. I got a good man or I got a good
• 1:50
  woman that's exactly like me. We like the same.
• 1:54
  Y'all know how hard it is to find somebody that likes the
• 1:57
  exact same things you do? It is very very difficult y'all.
• 2:00
  It is extremely difficult. Damn near.
• 2:02
  It's almost impossible sometimes.
• 2:04
  So M stands for mirroring and manipulation, but also
• 2:08
  malignant. Y'all heard of the covert
• 2:11
  narcissist or the passive aggressive narcissist?
• 2:15
  Some narcissist are malignant and a lot of people would think
• 2:18
  they think that malignant malignant narcissist are the
• 2:22
  worst. There's a lot of people say
• 2:27
  because malignant narcissists damn near are psychopaths,
• 2:29
  right? They act like psychopaths.
• 2:30
  They could be psychopaths, right?
• 2:32
  Malignant narcissists can can be sadistic, they can be torturous.
• 2:36
  They can just try to hurt you in any way, shape or form possible.
• 2:39
  So watch out for the malignant narcissist.
• 2:41
  That's M The letter NN stands for narcissistic supply.
• 2:49
  I had a stretch right there, didn't I?
• 2:50
  Narcissistic supply, that sweet, sweet supply that you hear so
• 2:55
  much about. Narcissists need other people.
• 2:59
  We need other people to to provide us that external
• 3:02
  validation is like batteries, like giving us fuel.
• 3:05
  We are fueled by other people, right?
• 3:08
  So we need other people. So narcissistic supply is
• 3:10
  something that all narcissists are after in some way, shape or
• 3:14
  form. I'm trying to I don't speak in
• 3:16
  absolutes. Most narcissist if I say all, it
• 3:19
  just leaves me open to somebody to find one case out of a
• 3:23
  million and like leave. You said all.
• 3:25
  So you're wrong. Most if not all.
• 3:28
  There you go. Got you.
• 3:30
  But yes, narcissistic supplies are huge in the field of
• 3:33
  narcissism. And you ever hear the term
• 3:34
  narcissistic supply? It's narcissist going after
• 3:37
  somebody else, going after other people and things like that.
• 3:40
  And also stands for since we're talking about supply, new
• 3:44
  supply, the next victim, the next, the next, the next person
• 3:49
  in a narcissist life or the next thing in a narcissist life that
• 3:53
  they're getting supply from the narcissist new supply.
• 3:57
  The next relationship partner, the one that they left you for,
• 4:00
  the one that their love bombing right now, the one that you're
• 4:02
  watching on social media, right? The one that you're the one
• 4:07
  you're watching. I thought at least least say
• 4:08
  stop watching. I got to stop watching them
• 4:10
  because now I'm going I'm I'm doing things to hurt myself,
• 4:14
  right, and that's why you got to stop watching their social media
• 4:17
  because they are with the new supply.
• 4:19
  The last thing I have for the letter in on here y'all is no
• 4:23
  contact. I have the word neglect as well.
• 4:26
  But most people, most narcissists are, are neglectful.
• 4:29
  But no contact helps you heal. No contact is means it means
• 4:34
  exactly what it says. It's a form of healing from
• 4:36
  narcissistic abuse from toxic relationships.
• 4:38
  It means no contact. You block them.
• 4:40
  There's no way for you to reach out to them.
• 4:42
  You don't text them, you don't look at their social media, you
• 4:44
  don't talk to them or low contact right?
• 4:47
  I could have put that for L low contact.
• 4:49
  Low contact is when you have kids.
• 4:51
  You have to communicate with them in some way shape or form.
• 4:53
  It's a form of no contact. It's only necessary contact.
• 4:57
  You're only talking to them right when you need to.
• 5:00
  So no contact helps you heal from narcissistic abuse.
• 5:04
  So that's on the cover. Whatever NM and N the next
• 5:08
  letter is OO the first thing I got for O is overt the overt
• 5:16
  narcissist. You're the covert narcissist,
• 5:18
  right? Covert narcissist or subtle like
• 5:21
  sneaky snake narcissist, right? The overt narcissist are the
• 5:25
  opposite. They're the, the the active
• 5:28
  aggressive ones. Those are the ones that you, you
• 5:30
  kind of tell that they're narcissist.
• 5:31
  They're loud, boisterous, annoying as hell.
• 5:34
  They're just like, you know that these people are narcissist.
• 5:36
  They're over the top. You know that the best of
• 5:39
  everything. Kind of like what I say.
• 5:41
  What's the other one? What's the other word I use?
• 5:44
  Grandiose, right? Grandiose and over a narcissist
• 5:47
  are very, very similar, if not the same, right?
• 5:49
  The next oi have is obsession. Y'all obsessed obsession, any
• 5:54
  form of the word obsessed. Y'all narcissist.
• 5:57
  A lot of people ask me, do narcissists love you?
• 5:59
  I think that some narcissists have the ability to love you,
• 6:02
  but most narcissists are obsessed with you.
• 6:04
  They it becomes a it becomes an obsession with you.
• 6:08
  It's not real true authentic love.
• 6:10
  It's an obsession that they have with you.
• 6:14
  You know what I mean? And they're obsessed with you
• 6:16
  because the other O ownership, they think you belong to them.
• 6:23
  They're obsessed with you because they think you belong to
• 6:26
  them because that's the last oi have right here.
• 6:28
  It's ownership, right? Ownership.
• 6:31
  They think they own you. This is why they can move on to
• 6:34
  a new supply and they feel like you have to stay right where you
• 6:38
  are. They don't want to see you with
• 6:39
  anybody else. I can't take it if you were with
• 6:42
  anybody else, but the whole time they got somebody else.
• 6:44
  Y'all make that make sense for me right there.
• 6:46
  How does that make does that make sense to you?
• 6:48
  I don't want to see you with anybody else, but I'm in love
• 6:51
  with new but I have a new supply.
• 6:53
  Don't that sound dumb as hell to y'all?
• 6:54
  Does that? Does that not sound ridiculous
• 6:57
  as hell to y'all? You know what I'm saying?
• 6:59
  So ownership and I have object as well on here and object
• 7:04
  constancy, but I can look those up because like those are like
• 7:07
  those require their own separate videos because narcissistic
• 7:10
  people see you as an object. I have that as an O, but we can
• 7:14
  get digging deeper into the next video.
• 7:15
  I don't like these videos going for too long right You had an
• 7:20
  OPP. You know me you not an OPP yeah,
• 7:22
  maybe the song back in the day P projection.
• 7:27
  The first Pi have is projection. It's when they are, it's like a,
• 7:33
  it's like literally like a, a movie screen projector.
• 7:36
  They project outwards what they feel about themselves, what they
• 7:40
  think about themselves, what they are doing when they are
• 7:42
  accusing you of something that you haven't done, like did you
• 7:46
  go? They, when they come home, look,
• 7:47
  they come home late at night smelling like smell like
• 7:50
  somebody else's booty and you like, and they also start
• 7:54
  accusing you of sleeping with somebody else.
• 7:55
  Guess what? Y'all typically they're
• 7:57
  confessing because they're projecting.
• 7:59
  They're accusing you of what they've done.
• 8:01
  They're they're they're insecure about.
• 8:03
  Remember if you watch the I video insecurities, they're
• 8:07
  projecting their insecurities onto you as well.
• 8:09
  How I feel about myself. I'm going to tell you that you
• 8:11
  feel that way about yourself. I'm going to make you feel that
• 8:14
  way. They project a lot of their
• 8:16
  internal stuff externally. This is what happens with
• 8:19
  narcissists. I also have on here post
• 8:22
  separation abuse for PA. Lot of people don't talk about
• 8:26
  this. A lot of people think when you
• 8:28
  get out of the relationship with a narcissist that that's it,
• 8:31
  right? That's that's it right there.
• 8:33
  I'm free, I'm done. No, sometimes leaving is just
• 8:37
  the beginning of the next stage of abuse.
• 8:39
  And This is why some people would just rather stay in a
• 8:42
  relationship because like, well, at least I know what I'm going
• 8:43
  to get. Because when you leave, it can
• 8:45
  get worse for you sometimes because the flying monkeys get
• 8:48
  involved. The post separation abuse, they
• 8:50
  try to, they try to drag you to court and litigate your ass to
• 8:53
  death. They try to do so many different
• 8:55
  things to torture you because just because you decided to
• 8:57
  leave them and you decided to choose yourself.
• 9:00
  This happens to so many people, right?
• 9:02
  This happens. The post separation abuse is
• 9:04
  real. They they use the courts, they
• 9:06
  use their Mamas, their daddies, their uncles.
• 9:09
  A lot of people get involved in this in the post separation
• 9:11
  abuse. They can just use the kids as
• 9:13
  leverage. They can try to take you back
• 9:14
  and forth to court. They can try to keep the kids
• 9:16
  from you. There's so many different
• 9:18
  aspects of post separation abuse.
• 9:20
  The last thing I have for Pi have the worst psychopath here.
• 9:23
  But yeah, I know psychopaths are deeper than narcissists.
• 9:26
  All, all psychopaths are narcissists, but not all
• 9:29
  narcissists are psychopaths. It's like ASPD and all the other
• 9:33
  stuff is a little bit further up the chain.
• 9:35
  The last P that I'm going to cover right here, y'all is pain
• 9:38
  shopping. You heard that right, pain
• 9:41
  shopping. This is this is what so many
• 9:43
  people do. When you're in a toxic
• 9:45
  relationship with a narcissist, you go looking for things that
• 9:47
  are going to hurt you. When you're looking at their
• 9:49
  social media, when y'all have broken up, when they discarded
• 9:51
  you, you looking at that type of stuff, you're going to hurt your
• 9:54
  feelings when you don't remove them from social media, when the
• 9:56
  relationship ends and you might be having a good day, you like,
• 9:59
  let me go look at this, see what they're doing.
• 10:01
  You're going paint shopping. That hurts.
• 10:03
  That sucks, right? You're going shopping for things
• 10:06
  that are going to hurt you. That's what's going to happen to
• 10:09
  so many people. You have to like, you have to
• 10:11
  put look, you have to put up your shopping cart.
• 10:13
  Do not add to cart. That's what you're doing when
• 10:15
  you when you go on their social media, when it when the
• 10:17
  relationship is over, you're going to look for things that
• 10:20
  are going to hurt you. You have to stop paint shopping.
• 10:22
  Nothing on their social media or nothing like if you're reaching
• 10:25
  out to their friends or their family members asking about
• 10:27
  them, nothing you're going to hear is going to make you feel
• 10:30
  better. I promise you.
• 10:32
  So don't go paint shopping now. QRSQRSI don't have a lot, but
• 10:37
  like Q, I told you, I had to reach for the queue.
• 10:41
  Queue. I have quick tempered because
• 10:43
  there are a lot of narcissists out there that are very short
• 10:46
  tempered and very quick to anger, right?
• 10:48
  Very quick to anger. But also I have quitters.
• 10:55
  There are a lot of narcissists out there.
• 10:57
  They quit a lot of jobs. They have a have a lot of
• 11:00
  trouble keeping the same job. So they quit or get fired from a
• 11:03
  lot of jobs. They quit.
• 11:04
  They like to quit relationships when the relationships get hard
• 11:07
  as well. This is why they go find a new
• 11:08
  supply. Sometimes they're go find a new
• 11:11
  supply just because they feel like you're like you're
• 11:14
  outgrowing them or you're about to leave them.
• 11:17
  They're going to find a new supply just because of that.
• 11:19
  So they are they are absolutely quitters.
• 11:21
  Q was y'all drop some cues for me.
• 11:24
  Drop some cues for everybody else in the comments session,
• 11:26
  please. Now RI have narcissistic, I have
• 11:30
  rage. I put rage, but you know, we
• 11:32
  talk about narcissistic rage, that uncontrollable explosion
• 11:36
  when narcissists get to push to a point and they just pop.
• 11:38
  They just explode and they feel like it feels like to you that
• 11:42
  they cannot be contained. Narcissistic rage, y'all, is
• 11:45
  really them trying to get you to shut up.
• 11:47
  And sometimes they can get very scary during these rage
• 11:49
  incidents. This is when they claim to black
• 11:52
  out. This is when they claim to see
• 11:53
  red. This is when they claim to not
• 11:55
  know what they're doing, when they're hurting you or whatever
• 11:57
  the case may be. This is when they claim to want
• 11:59
  to put you through it. You know what I mean?
• 12:01
  Narcissistic rage is real, but a lot of times they'll just claim
• 12:05
  they'll blame you of the rage. I only get like this because of
• 12:08
  you. You made me rage.
• 12:09
  You made me hit you, you made me beat you up.
• 12:11
  You made me do this. You made me throw that tire iron
• 12:14
  through the wall. You made me do that.
• 12:17
  Rage the next the next. All I have y'all is reactive
• 12:21
  abuse. Reactive abuse is real is when a
• 12:25
  narcissist pushes your buttons or anybody pushes your buttons
• 12:29
  and then you pop and then you start yelling, you start
• 12:32
  screaming, you start throwing things, you start hitting them
• 12:35
  right. So now you've reacted to their
• 12:38
  abuse. So now you look like the abuser.
• 12:40
  A lot of times when you're when you're reacting to what they've
• 12:43
  done to you, they pull out their phones and start recording you.
• 12:46
  They start threatening, they start threatening to blackmail
• 12:48
  you and show these videos to your friends and family members
• 12:50
  and show everybody how crazy you are, right?
• 12:53
  They start putting this stuff out, they start threatening you.
• 12:55
  Reactive abuse is real is when you have a reaction to what they
• 12:59
  have done to you and you just pop you and you can't control
• 13:01
  it, right? The last letter is S the I told
• 13:06
  y'all the 1st 2 videos will be 6 letters.
• 13:08
  The last two would be 7. So we're going to cover S and
• 13:10
  then the next video will be two T through Z Y'all know those
• 13:14
  letters last ones are kind of rough, but let's get it right
• 13:17
  here. Y'all what I'll say S smear
• 13:19
  campaign. The good old smear campaign from
• 13:24
  a narcissist is absolutely real, right?
• 13:26
  You get smeared. You know narcissists are going
• 13:28
  to smear campaign the believe the the loving Jesus out of you,
• 13:32
  right? They're going to smear campaign
• 13:33
  the hell out of you. This is when they make up lies,
• 13:36
  rumors, conjecture. They spread, they spread
• 13:39
  disinformation about you. They want to ruin your
• 13:41
  reputation. A smear campaign is when they
• 13:43
  smear your reputation. And also they will accuse you of
• 13:48
  starting a smear campaign on them because you're telling the
• 13:51
  truth about them. They'll tell you that you're
• 13:52
  starting a smear campaign on them when you're actually
• 13:55
  telling the truth, which is kind of weird, but that's how it
• 13:57
  works out right there. All right, the next S is
• 14:02
  stonewalling. Well, I got, I have.
• 14:04
  The next S is stonewalling and the silent treatment.
• 14:07
  They are not the same. I know a lot of people, they use
• 14:10
  stonewalling and silent treatment interchangeably, but
• 14:12
  stonewalling and the silent treatment are not the same.
• 14:14
  Silent treatment is literally what it sounds like.
• 14:15
  It's them being silent to you. Stonewalling is them refusing to
• 14:20
  communicate with you or acknowledge your presence or
• 14:22
  just do anything of any type of value with you.
• 14:26
  Right. So the silent treatment can be
• 14:28
  part of stonewalling, but stonewalling is pretty much
• 14:31
  acting like you don't exist, right?
• 14:33
  Stonewalling is building up a damn near a wall between your
• 14:36
  lives when you have to deal with them.
• 14:38
  The silent treatment can be part of stonewalling, but it's not
• 14:40
  necessarily going to be not the same thing.
• 14:42
  Y'all. If I missed anything y'all drop
• 14:45
  it in the comment section. Hit that subscribe button.
• 14:47
  You can go to mentalillness.net for my coaching, my courses,
• 14:50
  courses courses, my one on ones and all of the other good stuff
• 14:53
  y'all Mental illness.net. Hit the subscribe button and the
• 14:56
  mouth peace.