Latest / ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women / 137 // What is Your ADHD-Support System?

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137 // What is Your ADHD-Support System? · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

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  Whether we like it or not, we all need support. Whether we have systems in place
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  that are supportive, or whether we have people that are there to support us,
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  we all need support in some capacity.
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  So today we're going to talk about what or who is your support system.
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  Are enough, and you are made on purpose and with a purpose.
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  Hey, I'm Kelsey Spronk, fellow ADHD mom and entrepreneur.
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  Join me in building confidence so you can experience success with ADHD in all areas of your life.
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  So go grab yesterday's coffee from the microwave and let's get started.
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  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host,
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  Kelsey, and today we're going to talk about who or what is your support system.
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  Now, the reality is, is that we all need support. Whether we like it or not,
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  we all need support in some capacity.
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  And if you are anything like me, it can be tempting sometimes to try to do it all,
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  yourself because maybe, you know, at a time where you really needed people,
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  they didn't show up and there can be hurts and there can be anger and pride
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  and we can say, hey, you know what, I don't want to rely on anyone else.
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  Now, I definitely understand where this is coming from. This is a very good topic for therapy.
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  But also the reality is, is that we need support, even if it's not other people
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  necessarily taking the actual task off of our plate.
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  We need the support of being in community, of being in relationship,
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  even if we are doing the same number of tasks.
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  So in today's episode, I'm going to talk with you about what you find supportive.
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  What are some of the different areas that you can look at where you might want
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  to create a system that is supportive, or you might want to delegate or ask
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  for help or hire help, whatever it is.
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  Another way that's really helpful to figure out who or what your support system
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  is, is through one-on-one coaching.
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  If you go to ADHDwithconfidence.com, you can book a free intake call to see
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  how coaching could support you.
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  Alright, into today's episode. So
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  what we need for support is going to be different from person to person.
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  We all need support, but it's not going to look the same.
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  So for example, recently I was feeling kind of, you know, overwhelmed and trying
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  to figure out how I could organize my life better and,
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  you know, what things I wish somebody would take off my plate.
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  And I realized that for me, something like cooking for my family,
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  on the surface, I would say, you know, I don't really want to do that.
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  I don't have to do that every day.
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  It's exhausting. It's whatever it is. But when I really thought about giving
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  it to somebody else, I didn't want to do that either.
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  And so here's the thing. Sometimes we feel like we want somebody to take our
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  responsibility away from us.
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  But when it comes down to it, if it's something that's valuable to us,
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  something that's important to us, there might be better ways and other ways
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  that we can find support so that we feel like we have the capacity to do that thing.
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  So for me, for example, with cooking, it's really important for me to feed my
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  family what I consider to be balanced, nutritious meals.
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  So I didn't want to, you know, give this job to somebody else because I want
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  to make sure that what I consider to be the standard for our family is met.
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  But what I did realize, and I'll get into the topics, sort of the different
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  categories and go through some questions with you as well. I just wanted to give you an example.
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  But for me, I realized, okay, I don't want somebody else to take this over entirely,
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  but it would be helpful to have things like, you know, a weekly delivery of
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  fresh produce or doing, you know, click and collect groceries where you order
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  it all online and you just go pick it up.
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  So you're not spending time at the grocery store or even at a basic level,
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  which is kind of where I am, is having a grocery shopping template that I could
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  use for the stores I go to so that, you know, when I'm doing my Costco run,
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  I know exactly what I'm getting there and I don't feel like I have to reinvent the wheel every time,
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  that is something that is supportive for me.
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  It takes some of the mental load off and it makes me feel less stressed about
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  it and less overwhelmed. So this can look,
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  a lot of different ways. It doesn't mean necessarily that somebody else has to do this thing for you.
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  It can be different systems, supports, or strategies.
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  Even if you wanted to, you know, spend time with a friend and you go and do
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  your Costco run together. I did that by accident the other day when I ran into
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  a friend at Costco and it was really great to shop with somebody.
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  So don't feel like this has to be a very specific way.
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  It's whatever you find supportive. And that's the key here is that what you
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  find supportive, your support system is not going to look like somebody else's.
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  So try to think about what it will be for you.
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  All right, going into the questions here, the first one I want you to consider
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  is what are your responsibilities?
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  What are the things that you have to get done every day or every week or month or year?
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  Some of these things too, when you look at, you know, responsibilities,
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  if it's something like paying taxes that comes up once a year,
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  is there a support or a system that could help you with that?
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  I don't know about you, but I don't like doing my taxes.
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  I find it incredibly boring and overwhelming at the same time and collecting all the information.
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  It's just not my favorite thing. But when I have created, you know,
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  documents or like my husband has some documents for us, and when I have systems
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  and reminders of when to start compiling certain things, or when I have a system
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  in place where I'm collecting the necessary information throughout the year,
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  it can really take a lot of the stress off.
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  I'm not saying it's my favorite thing, but it does help. So think about some
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  of the responsibilities that you have. Write those down.
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  Think about those over the next few days or weeks. And then next,
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  I want you to think about which of these responsibilities are important or meaningful
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  to you. So there might be certain things that...
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  You don't want somebody else to take off of your plate. Like I said,
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  with cooking, for example, and then more obvious ones, right?
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  Obviously, quality time with the people close to you.
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  Next would be which of these responsibilities drains you?
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  Something where, you know, you know it's important, it needs to get done,
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  but you don't care if it's you or somebody else who does it.
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  I want you to put that in a separate category. That would be one that you can
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  maybe consider delegating to someone else.
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  Next, we have, you know, talking about what do you find supportive?
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  So within all of these different responsibilities, and I'll give you some categories
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  that I've created as well, but what do you find supportive?
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  So when I look at, and we'll look into these categories, but when I look at
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  some of these categories,
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  for me, it's not necessarily that I need
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  somebody else to do it so much
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  as that I need to feel appreciated and seen
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  and understood and I need some of my my
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  needs and my self-care and my values I'll I'll link an episode that talks about
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  these below but essentially the things that are life-giving for me I need those
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  in place as my support system so that I have a full cup to pour out of because
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  when I look at I actually,
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  a lot of the things that I find overwhelming,
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  like laundry and grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc., I don't actually
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  mind those things in and of themselves.
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  What bothers me is when it feels like that's all I do and that there's nothing
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  else that's life-giving.
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  Like, it feels like those responsibilities take away from everything else.
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  So let's find out for you. I broke this down into a few broad categories,
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  so I'll just tell you what the main category is and what some of the subcategories are.
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  So for example, a responsibility within your home, something like grocery shopping.
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  Maybe this is something you really enjoy and doesn't need to change,
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  but if it is something that you find overwhelming and you would like some sort
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  of support, I want you to think about what kind of support would be helpful.
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  Like I said earlier would it be helpful to have a
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  grocery shopping template that you have a note
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  on your phone where you know depending on which store you're
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  going to what types of things you get there would
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  it be helpful to order groceries online so maybe even working from that template
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  looking online and ordering groceries that you go and pick up would it be helpful
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  to have groceries delivered to you whatever the thing is but I really encourage
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  you with all these steps is to just do one small step at a time.
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  It can be really overwhelming if we try to do it all.
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  Even for me, I find this frustrating, but I find it very intimidating to do
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  a click and collect online order of groceries to pick up.
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  And I think for me, it's because I feel like I get lost in, you know,
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  if I go online, I'll get distracted and things like that.
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  And so for me, I'm just It's not quite there yet, but with my template of groceries
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  that I need, I am going to now convert that into making, you know,
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  online—how do I say that?—online grocery orders that I pick up.
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  Okay, another area within your home would be cooking.
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  So depending on what kind of supports you have for this, maybe you're going
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  to order meals that are ready to make.
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  Maybe sometimes you order in, maybe sometimes you eat out, maybe you share the load of cooking.
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  Maybe you have a plan. I think that's a big one for me is having a plan of what
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  I'm going to make and then even batch making a lot of it so that it takes out
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  some of the prep and cleanup. And then it also takes out a lot of the think work.
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  Another area in your home is cleaning.
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  So if this is something that overwhelms you or that you can't get around to
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  or whatever it is, you know, considering delegating within your home to people within your home.
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  If you can afford it, hiring somebody to help with cleaning and just finding
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  different ways that are supportive for you or maybe breaking it down into what is done on which days.
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  So you don't feel like every day it's looming over you that you need to vacuum
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  or that you need to clean the bathroom or whatever it is.
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  Another area with your home, organizing. So once again, what is going to be
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  helpful for you with this? Laundry is another one.
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  Paying the bills, repairs or maintenance. Now I'm going to pause for a sec.
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  I don't want you to hear all this and, you know, click out of here and say,
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  oh, this is overwhelming. I don't want to hear about this.
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  Point here is that I want you to just take one or two areas and find some small
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  system or change that you can use or a way you can delegate or somebody else
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  who can support you in that one area.
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  We need to break it down into smaller steps so that it doesn't feel as overwhelming.
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  I think this can be a combination of, you know, who is going to support you
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  or what is going to support you.
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  So even understanding as well, what are the main ways that you function?
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  So for me, the visual modality is really helpful for me. So I need to see something.
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  If I see something, I remember it. I process it better.
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  If I don't see it, it's out of sight, out of mind. I don't remember it.
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  And so for me, I have, you know, my meal plan is up on our fridge or which supplements
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  or vitamins I take is up on the fridge.
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  Or I have our family calendar on the wall close to the fridge,
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  places where I know I'm going to go and I know I'm going to see them.
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  And those things are supports for me. Those are things, you know,
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  maybe I could make another calendar where I have a schedule of the laundry and
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  cleaning, for example, so that I know, hey, today's a day off.
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  I don't have to do laundry today and I don't have to do any cleaning.
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  And then the next day I say, okay, this is my day where I am going to wash and
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  dry out the clothes or I'm going to clean the bathrooms or whatever it is.
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  But essentially just what is going to be supportive for you.
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  Another area here is your well-being.
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  So what you need to support you physically, so to make sure you're drinking
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  enough water, exercising, having
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  balanced nutrition, is that going to be having an app on your phone?
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  Is that going to be going for walks with a friend or meeting at the gym,
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  having a gym membership with somebody where you go every week to the same spin
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  class or the same yoga class?
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  What does that look like for you? For me, once again,
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  visual reminders, it's helpful for me if I have my large water bottle that's
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  somewhere visible and also having one that I only have to fill up once kind
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  of gets me past that barrier of I don't like filling up the cup or the water bottle.
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  Exercise when, you know, I have my running shoes or my weights or my yoga mat close by so I see it.
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  And then balanced nutrition, you know, thinking about that in advance,
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  having it organized and somewhere visible.
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  Another area of well-being, your mental well-being.
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  You know, scheduling and maybe you use a daily planner. I always link one below
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  that you guys can download for free.
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  But scheduling in breaks, recognizing the signs of burnout, maybe scheduling
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  into your year, seeing a therapist a few times a year, having a life coach,
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  different things like that.
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  Once again, this is going to be dependent on what is helpful for you.
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  The next part is emotional well-being. So for me, I realized that social connection,
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  especially social connection with people who I feel understand and see and love
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  me for who I am is very important.
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  And this is something that's very life-giving for me that then gives me more
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  capacity to do the rest of my life.
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  And, you know, maybe this would be the case for you. Maybe it'll be something else.
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  Maybe you'll realize that daily exercise gives you a lot of energy and capacity
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  for everything else. These are things that take time.
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  It takes trial and error to test and see what gives you energy,
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  what supports you to do well, to feel balanced, to feel peaceful.
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  What is going to support you or who is going to support you?
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  Another broad category here I have is in parenting relationships.
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  So whether you are parenting small children or teenage, you know,
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  teenagers or adult children, whatever it is, that's dependent on your kind of
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  stage of life. But once a parent, always a parent.
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  And so things like, you know, having help with your kids, whether that's a day
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  home or a daycare or family, or you do a swap with a friend.
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  It could be within parenting, things like taking courses. Maybe you really like being in person.
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  If you don't, then, you know, reading parenting books. once
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  again scheduling in breaks and this depends on ages
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  of your kids things like setting boundaries things
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  like being in support groups that
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  talk about maybe if you're parenting a child who has you know who is neurodivergent
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  or has some other sort of challenge or struggle having other people that you
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  can talk with can be incredibly supportive the last category i have here is for work.
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  So within work, what or who is going to be a support? So even looking at this.
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  Even some of the preparation, I guess, for work. So I look at,
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  you know, going to work and bringing my kids to school as having some of the
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  prep work done in advance of having everyone's clothes chosen out,
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  having their lunches ready, and things like that can make a really big difference.
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  And then within work, having organizational systems. I'll talk about this in
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  the next episode, so make sure you click that follow button,
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  but I'm going to talk about how to organize your email inbox.
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  And this is one that has been overwhelming for me for so long.
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  But when you can learn ways to have things organized, it can help alleviate
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  some of the pressure and the exhaustion and frustration that we otherwise can experience.
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  This could also be something like having a virtual assistant or even co-working or body doubling.
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  I find when I go to the coffee shop to work, there is one girl in particular
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  where we will sit beside each other and we love to visit, but we also will kind
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  of use that body doubling time side by side to be productive as well,
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  and that can be really helpful.
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  Yeah, just essentially with this part I have here as well that you can schedule
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  in breaks, walks, visits, etc.
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  To kind of break up your work. And I mean, it depends on what kind of job you
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  have, what kind of work you do.
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  Essentially, my point here, though, is that it's important to recognize that
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  we do need supports. We need people who are supportive.
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  We need systems and strategies that are supportive. and
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  the fact that you were not broken or weak
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  for needing that that is very normal and we
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  need to look at it with curiosity of what do you need
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  to support you so like I said for
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  me I realized I don't actually need people to take a lot of the work off my
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  plate I need time with people that energizes me that social connection that
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  energizes me and then I have enough energy to do so much more than if I am feeling
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  alone or lonely or isolated.
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  So I want you to think about in this next little bit here, what is that for
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  you? And remember, it doesn't have to be all these areas.
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  Look at what I said at the beginning, you know, what are your main responsibilities?
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  What are the ways that you could find support through other people or support
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  by having different systems or strategies?
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  If you want more support with this from me, head to ADHDwithconfidence.com and
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  you can book a free 15-minute coaching intake call.
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  All right, I hope that you have found something helpful today.
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  Don't forget to click that follow button and I look forward to being here with
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  you next time. Until then, God bless.