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S4 E49 - The Improv Show! · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: Well, Stephen Jeff's show band, thanks for singing us back in.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I tell you, Jeff, isn't it great to be back in eccentric Ladyland studios of an evening like this?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: It is awesome.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: See my arm?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: I you can see my arm.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: I guess they can't see me at home, but I do not have a sling on me anymore.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: And let me describe this for the listeners at home.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: He is slingless.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: He is sling blade less.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: Looking good.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, good job.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: Already feeling the effects of not having the sling on me, you know.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I I I bet it's a lot less chafing, I imagine.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's less chafing, plus I went to go get the emissions test on my car.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, on your car.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: I was gonna say, you know.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: On my car, yeah.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: I said I don't really, you know, we don't need to go, but your car.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, that.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, okay, all right.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: And the guy who was there, I can't believe how nice he was.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't have my sling on.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: I can't believe how nice he was.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: He was considerate, he was respectful, he was personable.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: He asked me.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, none of that is true.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was gonna say, I just like the Illinois Department of Motor Vehicles.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: I, you know, it's yeah, no, I please.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: I felt like he was processing me like for a crime, you know.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, Well, probably well in the goddamn car.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't say goddamn, he said damn car.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: He said he had a really bad day, sort of apologized to me, and I was like, I don't want to fucking know why he had a bad day, but I I felt compelled because I wanted to pass the admissions test.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: So well, right, yeah, you know, yeah.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm you want to you want to get that pass, and then you want to say, Hey buddy, read my fingers, you know.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right, right.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, so what what kind of day did you have?
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: Did like somebody drive over your foot when you were like go going in there, or did somebody get violent with you because you failed them in a test?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, No, it was just that somebody was rude to me and they were a germophobe and didn't want me to touch their car.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Okay.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, I have that bad day every day, in fact.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: But he asked me if I he could touch my car, and I was like, Well, you know, yeah, you're welcome to touch it.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_03: And maybe say, maybe say, hey, sir, if you show me your car, I'd be glad to touch it for you.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: I, you know, I like to touch cars.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: I mean and my partner, my partner was in love with a car at one point.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: I was, in fact.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know, oh, if he had a 65 impala, who, who but anyway, so what's been going on with you?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Jeff, it's great to be back.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: We're getting, of course, toward the end of the year, and we're getting, I don't know if you realize this, we are very close to the end of season four.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, this is the penultimate episode of season four, which I I love that word instead of next to last.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: Because next to last sounds bad, but penultimate sounds, ooh, that sounds like you're I don't know, British or something.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: So that's cool.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, although in my life, next to last is a win.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: So we're I'm last to next.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well that's true.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: Next to last is a big success story.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, so go on.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I you know, I thought for tonight, since it's kind of we're we're back in the studio again and it's we're getting toward the end of the season, we do something a little special.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, you know, Jeff, we've of course, as a lot of the listeners know, we've been around comedy for a long time.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: We've been around it.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: We haven't really been funny, but we've been around comedy for a long time.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you know, and and one of the probably our our our first love, if you will.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: Well, my first love really was Lori, but my my second first love was everybody's first love is Lori.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: Oh well, yeah, see, that was the problem.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: That's why that's why I got into comedy.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_03: But uh the my my second first love in comedy was was improv.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I really I really loved improv.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_03: I like the the spontaneity, the freshness, the the freedom of it.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I thought, you know, you know what would be fun if we do if we just do like an improv show.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like maybe all the listeners, let's pretend they're in a comedy club, an improv comedy club, watching an improv show.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I thought, you know, we could just do like improv on the radio, because that's so effective.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: You really like the visual jokes really really click when you're on the radio.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I'm saying?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: We're heading into really a sensational episode.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, I think so.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: It'll be sensational, it'll be slingless.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_03: Rather than say, hey, guess who's on the other side of that glass?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: You know, rather than that, let's just do let's just do some comedy.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a good idea.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: I wish you had said, let's do some comedy five years ago when we started, because you know, if we had done that, oh we might be funny by now.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we might be funny by now.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I misunderstood you, but I said let's do a show.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if I said funny.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: I said let's do a show.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I gotta I'll look back at my notes.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_03: I I had AI transcribe my notes, but wait, we didn't have AI then.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe that's why I don't have my notes.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, but but I digress.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm all for this comedy thing thing you call comedy.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this comedy thing is.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: I hear it's funny.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: So it's well, it it it's supposed to be.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, ideally, it is funny.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's where people do things that other people laugh at, you know.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_03: Now I do things all the time that people laugh at, but they're not like comedy.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's like my normal life.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: But maybe if we do something funny, you know, I don't know.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Let's try it out.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_03: I think a a a good way to start.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: Now, there are a lot of different forms of improv.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: And we're gonna do probably what we're gonna mostly do is typically what's called long-form improv.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: So we're gonna do a little bit of that.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: Two-person long-form improv.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_03: Often it's done with a bigger team, sometimes it's done with two or three, sometimes we have special teams, but we're only two tonight, so it'll be a two-person team, right?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: But I think we should start off just a little warm since it's been so long.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: We need a little warm-up.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I think a good warm-up would be there's a short form game, and there was a whole different form of improv, which typically has more than two, typically has a bigger team.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: And they have a there's a short form game that's called ABC.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_03: If anyone has ever watched Whose Line Is That Anyway, or whatever it's whatever the show was called, you've probably seen this game.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's where whoever starts starts with a letter of the alphabet, and then whoever goes next has to start their sentence with the next letter of the alphabet.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_03: Now the sentence can go anywhere from there, but you have to start the first word, has to start with the next letter.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we're not gonna start with A, because even old guys like us who studied the alphabet back under you know, when Dwight Eisenhower was a was a pup, you know.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: I mean Sure.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: You know, uh uh even us, we know A, B, C.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, we we've gonna start with a different letter.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm just gonna randomly say, why don't we start with L?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_03: So we're gonna start with L and we're gonna go all the way through the alphabet.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: This is A B C.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: Let's see.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_03: I told you that we'd meet here at five, and it's five now, and we're here, but I thought the show was gonna start at five.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe the problem was that I didn't know what this show was going to be about or when it was going to be.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: You know, with this sling, uh I was completely torn apart from the rest of society and life as we know it.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: Nah uh uh.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: No, I definitely told you that the show was happening and told you what the show was gonna be.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_03: It was gonna be we're gonna do a you know a comedy show, an improv show, and it was gonna start right now.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sure.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you could say that because this is what you always do in our show.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: For four years, you have been saying, Oh, I told you this, and just because I have short-term and long-term memory loss, you think that you can get away with saying that.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: People with all kinds of memory loss can remember five o'clock here.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: And you and we you made it here and you made it here at five, but you forgot like the third part.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: Question for you.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: What is the capital of North Carolina?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_03: Riley.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_03: What a great question.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: I really appreciate it that thank you.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, I didn't really mean to give you something that would be easy to answer.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks though, anyway.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_03: So I I appreciate it.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's really it's nice.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's that's one of the things that improv teams do, you know.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_03: They they give gifts, they they like put up softballs.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: Unless, of course, the balls aren't soft.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: Very good point, because sometimes they'll throw a hardball.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well, maybe you could expand on that a little bit because I I don't know if I've seen a hardball for a while.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_03: Xenophobia.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: It really has nothing to do with hardballs, but it's it's a serious problem in our country right now, don't you think?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I we could talk about hardballs, but I think I think xenophobia is a bigger problem.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: At least it's a problem if you don't know what xenophobia is.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: Better admit right now that we skipped a few letters.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_03: But but let's just keep going.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: Can I just ask you a question?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_03: Do I look like you couldn't ask me a question?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: Example.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: Is it worse in this game to skip letters?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like, is there a like is there like a free pass where you can just not use a letter?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like call that engulf it would be a mulligan.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_03: Free passes do not exist in improv.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: Good to know, because you know, we're doing improv, and I think I just took a free one.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_03: Happy to give you one mulligan, if you will, even though there isn't really no such thing in improv, but sure, go ahead and take it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: I was wondering if if this was if if this has an ending point, or do you just continue to go through the alphabet multiple times?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: Just go through typically once, but sometimes people do go through, and there are variations on it where you can you say skip three letters, but I you know that's too hard.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: We're old.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I didn't want to do that.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_03: Typically, you just go through once.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: Can you get away with using the sound of the letter, but but actually using a different letter like K.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_03: Looks like you're a native German speaker because you gave the hard C the K letter, and we're back at L.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: And how about that?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, see how much fun that was?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_03: Wasn't that a great game?
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: That was a great game.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_02: If there was an audience here, they'd be clapping.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_03: They would be clapping.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, they would have they would have gone, yeah, they would have given you the buzzer with with the one that eh, you know, you skip some letters, but they'd be but they but they laugh.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_03: That's it's it's funny when people mess up.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, messing up is is part of the joke, right?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: That is part of the flood.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's the Carol Burnett messed up a lot, in fact, on those.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: So so you feel warmed up now, right?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_03: You feel feel ready to ready to rock and roll, so to speak.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I can do anything as long as we just repeat the same game.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: Well, we could skip the same letters, too.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: I think it was Y and Z were the ones we skipped.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: Damn it! Damn it, which and those are fun.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: X, X is the hard one.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's but let's uh let's let's try something a little different.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_03: Let's do okay, let's do a scene where we'll we'll just be a scene.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_03: And typically, if we were in a club, if we were like a two-person team in a comedy club, we would say, Can we have a one-word?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: We could say a variety of different things.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: Say, can we have a one-word suggestion?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: They just give us any random word.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: We could say, or could you give us a relationship that we have?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_03: And say, Well, you're whatever.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: You say, Can you give us a location?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: Say, okay, well, you're at this place.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: So we'll do maybe maybe a kind of a mix of those things.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: They're they're all kind of fun.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_03: But let's start off, let's just start off with kind of the classic one.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I think that's a good place to start.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_03: The the one-word suggestion.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_03: You may not believe this, Jeff, but there are websites where you can get a one-word suggestion.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm gonna get a one-wig.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: If you couldn't think of it, I could call Kathy in and have her give us some suggestions.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: I do have one question while you're looking this up though.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: Can I say and scene when we're done?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because always say that.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm gonna give a little inside baseball here.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_03: Typically, you wait until there's a good funny moment.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: Will we have that?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: Will we have a good time?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it depends.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_03: And it and if you don't, then some somebody's got to say it at some point, right?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_03: Just to get everybody out of there.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, typically, if you're in a a club, typically you wait for a laugh and then and but yes, that is how that is how you didn't.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: One of one of us should say and scene.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: Whenever there's like that point.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: So let's start with the one-word suggestion.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, we could ask Kathy.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_03: I could ask Teresa, but I'd be afraid what the one word she suggests to me would be.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: But let's uh let's just take a look.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_03: Our one word suggestion is sympathy.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I I got I g I gotta tell you how sorry I am that you know you lost your job and you know I got your job, and I I mean it's a great job.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_03: I like it, but I I'm really sorry that you had to lose it for me to get it.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I'm glad I got it.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm sorry you had to lose it.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: I know what you mean.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: I am sympathetic to the fact that you are sorry that you took my job, although I don't think you're quite as sorry as I am sympathetic.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_03: There is an opacity.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_03: Gosh, we're using so many big words.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_03: There's an opacity to sympathy where maybe you don't see how sympathetic I really am to your situation.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_03: And I I I mean I really am.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_03: I I wish I could do something.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, I I wish, I wish I could give you all your personal stuff back.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'd like to do that, but I I just I you know I can't.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_03: In part because, well, the security people told me I I can't.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: But then also because you you left some things here that I I really like, I gotta say.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: I I really enjoy.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'd like to see those.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: And there is a difference between empathy and sympathy.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's in the first letter.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: So there's a whole pronunciation.
• 15:10
  unknown: Yeah.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I think as from an empathy standpoint, I would I know you could understand how much I want to see the things that you're gonna be giving back to me.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I don't I don't know that I really have empathy.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: I just I'm kind of sorry you lost your job, but I you know, yeah, empathy is like, you know, I don't yeah, I don't know that I'd go that far.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: That's a little much.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: But but yeah, you want to see this.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: I'd let me show you the stuff that you left that I really like.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_03: Please, please.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_03: It's these little see, they're these little kind of like little candies.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_03: You know how you go into a store, like kids will buy these little chewy candies, and they kind of look like that.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I thought, well, I you know, I kind of like those chewy candies, so I ate a couple, and you know, they're really, really good.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: It only took like two, and I was I was quite happy that you had left these.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I uh amazing that you didn't take these with you, because I boy, I sure would I'd carry these with me everywhere I went, I'll tell you.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of candy, I remember this woman that I dated in college, her name was Candy.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_03: Candy?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: I think I dated her too, yeah.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, yeah.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_03: But right after Lori, I dated candy.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: But it was small doses, right?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: You had too much candy, it would rot your teeth.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, she was a meth addict, so of course it rotted her teeth.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, of course it did.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm all all in favor of candy.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the worst candy in the world, though, is during the high holidays when you uh when you have to you have the candy there or Passover candy.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_03: I can't really speak to the Passover candy, but high holidays has an interesting ring to it for me because I, you know, this this candy I think would be very, very, very appropriate for a high holiday.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: What was the highest that you've ever gotten, whether it was during a holiday or not?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: For me, I think it's a tie basically with every time I get high.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: But what what about for you?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: Is it is is there a a moment that you remember maybe in college?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: Highest I ever got, let's see.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I I stood on top of Mount Evans one time in Colorado, you know, it's like 14, 15,000 feet, something like that.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, oh, you mean, oh, you mean with the candy?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, oh, oh, okay.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: Well, gosh, there was a time where I got so high.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I was I was I was in I was in my dorm room.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_03: It was back in college, right?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_03: I was in my dorm room, and I literally thought there was like a parade of cars going on outside.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean there was, but I you know, I didn't I didn't see that until I was high.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_03: I mean they were there, oh yeah.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: I I really like parades because it it it's like uh watching TV in person.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: You're watching the parade, the people go by, you know, you can people watch.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes they're celebrating events like you know, 4th of July.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes it's uh political events like no kings or only queens, no kings but queens.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_03: Kings and queens, yeah.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_03: That's queens.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: You know, my uncle Sal plays this hard game, Kings and Queens, and he plays it.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: But you think he lives in here, he plays it in Queens a lot, too.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_03: Go figure, right?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_03: But he uh yeah, it's a it's uh you know, and parades, I the thing I like about parades is too that they're uh they keep running, they keep moving.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: So you don't get bored.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm now I gotta tell you, some of these bands, they all wear the same uniform, and there are like 500 of them in the band.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, that does get a little boring.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_03: Because you see the same the same red stripe on blue pants walking for 20 minutes.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, okay, all right, I'm good.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_03: I get it.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_03: Red, blue, yeah, I'm in.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, got it.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_03: But but they're fun though.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: They're fun.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: They play this nice music, you know, makes you want to, I don't know, join the military or something.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: And that is fun, unless the military isn't your military, you know, unless it's like uh a Nazi military, then it's not quite as fun.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uh that would not be that would not be fun.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_02: No, decorative, but you know, Nazi uniforms I think are really pretty cool looking.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: You know, they really they really knew how to use the eagle, I'll tell you.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_03: You know, they they had some really good uses for like eagles, and uh they they really did some creative work on on crosses too, I gotta, I gotta say, you know, that that really a lot of well yeah, the a lot of other militaries really haven't haven't picked up, you know.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, but again, you know, I I just you know I wish I wish I could give you the rest of this stuff.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: Now maybe okay, you know what, you know what?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna keep the gummies.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: Because, you know, because I like them.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: But you got this coffee mug here that I'm gonna give you, okay?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: I can give that back.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_03: First of all, I got my own coffee mugs.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_03: I got like 15 coffee mugs.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: I don't, you know, I can't I don't think I have room for another one, in fact.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_03: And this one, it says something like, you know, visit Rock Falls.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want that doesn't mean anything to me.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_03: If it means something to you, here, here you go.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: Here it is.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: Well, Rock Falls does mean a lot to me.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Rock Falls is uh the sister town of Sterling, Illinois, for anybody out there who's not aware of that.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I saw my first Nazi march in Sterling, Illinois.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_02: You know, wow.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: Very popular there.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: There was a river that was that was separated Sterling from Rock Falls.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was the Rock River.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: It's called the Rock River, yes, I think it is.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: Was it the Rock River?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's the Rock River, yeah.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember when I went swimming there, I you know had forgotten to bring a swimsuit.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I had one of these little like I don't know.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I don't care about I don't care about your anatomy.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: I really don't.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and you know, and you know, rock river don't care.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: You nude, you nude.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_03: Who cares, right?
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I was attracted to the word rock.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it just feels like it's like it's firm.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: There's a solidity to it, a firmness.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta ask you something.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_03: You're gonna take the mug, and you probably you drove here, so you're probably gonna drive back.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: Do you have room in your car for me and my stuff?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_03: Because I just got this email that they fired me for being high at work.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, wasn't that fun?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: Both you and I were big fans of Martin Mo.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that we both talked about the documentary that was out there, and in some ways, this is a little bit of a tribute to him.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_03: Fernwood Tonight, yeah.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: And you know I know that show has really that show and Gary Chandling and some of the other shows along those lines, they've influenced what we do here to a large extent.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_02: It did freak me out a little bit though that there's they were so old.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, Fernwood Tonight was on fifty years ago.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: So I mean the fact that we watched it when it was new, mm-hmm I guess that means we're old too.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_03: But let's do another scene.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think?
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_03: This time let's do one of those other things.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: Let's do a location.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_03: Our location suggestion is we are on a factory assembly line.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_03: You get that raise yet?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_02: What have you gotten your raise yet?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: No, no.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: I heard we were gonna get a raise, but you know, man, people stand here watching this stuff go by.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you'd think we they would have us do something with it, but we just kind of watch it, you know?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I think we weren't we we didn't go.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: Did you go to that orientation when we first got hired?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think they told us what we were supposed to do, and I I missed that.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: I I overslept, you know.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, wait, you got an orientation?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: I think I did, or I was supposed to, but I never ended up going to it.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: But I do notice everybody, you see that guy to our left here?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_02: He's he's like looking at stuff and doing things, and yeah, he's got his hands all over the stuff.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: It strikes me, this stuff's going by pretty fast.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_03: It strikes me it's kind of dangerous to put your hands on it, I would think, you know.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: You might get hurt.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: Not only that, but my favorite show was Lucy's show when she had the conveyor belt.
• 23:19
  unknown: Yeah.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_02: I thought that's the job I was going to be doing, but I don't see any candy.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_03: No, there's no candy.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: This is just these little metal rods or something.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_03: I don't mean to get you excited, but these little metal rods that are going by.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: And it wouldn't be so bad if we got that raise.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: Were we supposed to get a raise?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_03: See, I that's what I heard.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, in fact, some guy, the guy, not the guy with his hands all over stuff.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_03: He's uh he kind of bothers me a little bit.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_03: The guy the other side of him told me at lunch that we were getting a raise.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, he's full of shit.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: You know what he said he already got his says that oh he can't.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: Well, he said he already got his.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: He might be messing with us.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the the thing I realized is that we've been working here how long?
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Months, a few months, a couple months on the assembly line here.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you know, watching these things go by, I get kind of hypnotized.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: I forget how long it's been.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_03: It seems like a really long time, though.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: Well, not only that, but everybody around us has been working in these same stations, and I don't know anybody's name.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know anything about anyone except that one guy keeps saying he got a raise, and the other one's fondling fondling things.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not even sure I know what your name is.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, my name's Fonda, by the way.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_03: And scene.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: Let's do one more really quick one.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_03: This time we'll do an emotion.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_03: Our emotion is annoyance.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: I get these sores on my face, and I find myself picking at them.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: Other people around me seem so they keep looking at me, and I don't know why, but you know, I I'm gonna scabine that picking scabs on your face seems to bother people watching you do that.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, such snowflakes these days.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_02: It bothers me, you know.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: I w why do they have to worry about whether I'm picking scab I'm not picking scabs off their face?
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_03: No, exactly.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'll tell you, I bet the same people that are annoyed with you picking scabs on your face, they'll sit in a restaurant and they'll like put their thumbnail between teeth, you know, to get the lettuce out or whatever.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_03: They'll do stuff like that.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: They will scratch themselves walking down like a concourse.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: They don't even know that they're annoying perhaps everyone else by doing what they're doing.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_02: It really bothers me when you're at a terminal at that airport scratching yourself as you're walking to a terminal, and then they change the gate on you, and everybody like sprints in a different direction, and and it just bothers me that I have to now figure out where we're supposed to go.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm supposed to like read something.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_03: I really do enjoy scratching myself in airports.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_03: I enjoy watching you.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, my favorite airport to do the name, Salt Lake City.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, big airport, Salt Lake City.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_03: They got that big tunnel between A and B.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_03: You could probably spend 20 minutes down there scratching yourself, and not a single Mormon's gonna see you.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's just so beautiful.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_02: Can you tell that story one more time, slower?
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_03: You could spend 20 minutes walking, scratching yourself.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta admit, I've even I have even picked my teeth in that concourse.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: Being in Salt Lake, do you ever feel like maybe you don't have enough wives?
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: I don't even need to be in Salt Lake to have that fear that maybe I don't have enough wives.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_03: I I'm and see we are about to get kicked out of eccentric Lady Lena Studios here, but what fun that was.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_03: Getting back to our comedy chops, our comedy roots, I feel enervated and enlivened.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I feel kind of good too, in addition to that.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_03: But I think I'm ready to take on the comedy world now.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: Today I was watching Little Shop of Hores.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: There was a dentist scene with Steve Martin and Steve Murray.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think Bill Murray probably improvised the whole thing.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's important for people to know that is really where we come from.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you come from dentistry?
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_03: Wait.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: Well, exactly.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: And Little Shop of Whores.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_03: I lived not too far from one, in fact.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_03: A little shop of whores, a little shop of whores, yeah.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: Or a shop of little whores.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, they had both.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_03: Anyways, some of them were very, very short, but yeah, but I digress.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_03: Steve and Jeff Show band, maybe you guys can improvise something to sing us out.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: This has been a mono scene production in association with Armando Media.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Read all about our hosts at stepandjeff.com.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: The Steve and Jeff Show band can also improvise.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: We call it jazz.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't need one-word suggestions, we just fly.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: We do have a two-word suggestion for Steve and Jeff, though.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give you an ABC clue.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: The first word starts with F.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: And now a bigger clue.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: The second word does not start with G.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and skip a few letters.