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54: Kiss My Boundaries w/ Real Talk Kim · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  This episode is sponsored by National Technology Management. Visit trustntm.com for more information. I'm Kelly Siegel and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:21
  Welcome back to the Heart of the Life podcast, my loves. Pastor Kimberly Jones, known as Real Talk Kim, is today's guest, and today is going to be extraordinary. She is a mother, pastor, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, entertainer, and best-selling author. Her most recent book is perfectly titled, You Gotta Get Up.
• 0:39
  I heard this beautiful inspirational soul through my good friend Craig Siegel and while eating lunch was ready to run through a wall. Her stories are incredible and her energy is off the charts. I love her and so will you. Get ready to be inspired. Welcome my new friend Kim. Oh my gosh. I'm so honored to be with you. This is a cool thing about social media. It connects cool souls.
• 1:02
  I just, like I just said off the air, I listened to your morning prayer this morning and you had the one-liners that were fired. You said, religitard and God don't bless a mess. And you were literally, you must've known you were talking to me right after because everything that you talked about is exactly what Heart of the Life is. So I wanna start this off with one thing. You are always pouring into everybody and I wanna pour into you and tell you
• 1:29
  what I think about you and, and that you're amazing and I love you. And I'm so grateful that I met you and there's, there are no coincidences and I do a lot of business at Atlanta and I'm, I'm going to get you and I'm gonna get my big seagull hug on you and I cannot wait. So be careful what you wish for. Cause you just got to get it. I don't know where to start other than to give me your best one liner because you have, you're the best in the business, Adam.
• 1:55
  You know what my favorite one-liner is, as long as you have the pulse, God's got a plan.
• 2:01
  I just love that, Craig. I just love that so much because we feel so, we're our biggest critics, you know? It's like when we, when our marriage falls apart and we couldn't make it work or we fall back into an addiction or someone we thought that would never walk out of our life walks out of our life and we feel so unworthy and like we weren't fighting for. The enemy wants us so bad to give up because the enemy can't do nothing with somebody that won't quit.
• 2:31
  And so I think as long as you got a pulse, God's got a plan, let you know that you can literally lose everything. And in a year, have more than you ever lost in your life because you changed your mind and got better in that situation. That's my favorite.
• 2:45
  I love that's a perfect one and it fits you and this podcast perfectly in me. I recently, I started off, I was in Raleigh with Stephen Scoggins, who was very, very religious and I love him very much. And he told me, he's like, God's calling you right now. He's like, I see you being God curious.
• 3:03
  And I've since surrendered and allowed it and all kinds of goodness keeps happening. So there's no coincidence that I've ran into you. We're going to we're going to we're going to share God. I do. I will tell you, I'm Jewish. So I believe I'm the chosen one like Jesus. And I know that's a big thing.
• 3:20
  I know it's a big thing, but I do everything right. I don't, you talked about this morning on your, on your Instagram live. Like, what do you do in private? You know what I do in private? The same thing I'm doing right here, right now. Me too. So we live that real talk, Kelly. Come on, Kelly. I love you, man. This is going to be so much fun. I didn't even need to podcast for you because you're such a gem. But can you tell us a bit about yourself and your journey with God? There's so much to you.
• 3:50
  Well, you know, Kelly, I was raised by a preacher. My mom and daddy were pastors. They had me in Jacksonville, North Carolina. 24 hours later, they had me in an Airstream and we were traveling and he was preaching. So I was raised in around God. I was raised in a very strict religion. I couldn't wear pants, couldn't cut my hair, all that kind of stuff till I was like 15. That's why I'm such a rebel now.
• 4:14
  I had a Mohawk for 25 years. Just like, you're not going to tell me. I can't do. And I also, because of that, ran away, really got really rebellious and got married really, really young. Left Bible school to get married in the middle of the night. And that marriage lasted 18 years. But.
• 4:39
  I had fought so hard for it because I was raised, if you get divorced, you're going to hell on a slip and slide. So I really had Kelly in my head. God was a mean God. And I was, there's so much that I couldn't do to level up so that he could use me after all my failures. I was the only one that could keep a marriage. I was the only one that was nay-naying and not pray-praying in my family, you know? There they go.
• 5:08
  Listen, I mean, I was like, I was, I was, I was, God really had to, had to have a lot of grace for me. And he did. But 18 years after I got married, we ended up walking through a divorce and I lost everything and had to move back in with my mom and daddy at 36 with my two sons, Morgan and Lincoln, who are now 27 and 29. That was one of my questions. 27, 29. Okay.
• 5:30
  27 and 29 and I was so devastated and I remember laying in my bed at my mama's one night lost my $500,000 house lost my merch Mercedes my navigator was driving a I call it my knockoff Bentley because it was a 300 Chrysler and it had me sit on the side of the road overheating every day every single thing that could go wrong in my life was was going wrong.
• 5:54
  And really what happened, Kelly, was God let me hit rock bottom to find out who the rock was at the bottom, which was Jesus. And he was like, I'm going to show you that I got off of that throne and onto that cross 2000 years ago just for you. And you're going to walk through some hell because I, Kelly, I do believe sometimes got to wreck your spirit to save your soul.
• 6:13
  Sometimes he'll let things in your life go terribly wrong so that you fall flat on your face and you can get up again because he's like, I need you to work for me. And I'm laying in my bed one night and I said, God, take this pain away from me.
• 6:28
  And I felt in my spirit, Kelly, I can't take it away. You got to get up and walk away from it. You got to walk away from that depression. You got to walk away from that anger. You got to walk away from being messy. You got to walk away from going back and trying to give CPR to dead situations. I'm here to help you, but you got to get up and walk. You got to go to hell and come out on fire.
• 6:50
  And that's exactly what I did. I started shifting the narrative of my life. And at 38, 39, you know, it was like in that season, Kelly, I would never, I would, in fact, people ask me all the time, what would you change? Nothing. There's not one single thing that I would change, Kelly, because I believe that you and I today, we can walk into a room and never even open our mouths and just the mere atmosphere of our presence.
• 7:15
  shifts in atmosphere because you we've both been crushed by our own storms our storms got us where our choices got us where we were but god is the kind of god that will turn your scars into stars man he will turn your scars into stars he does it he he turns your wounds into wisdom man and here i am
• 7:37
  And she's on fire, people. Seven minutes into this. So wait, hold on. I want to interrupt you for a second because I know you will go. You said, go through hell and come out on fire. You know what? I think I was raised in hell. And now I'm on fire. And look who I'm talking to right now. Come on. Come on. I believe that. And you know what? You have to be, and I'm going to stop for a second and be a little vague. You have to be the prettiest. I mean, like, outside prettiest pastor I've ever seen. You're gorgeous. You can't leave it.
• 8:07
  Thank you so much. It's just energy. We probably should never get in the same room together because it'll be like the roof will explode.
• 8:17
  I don't even know how God began to open up these doors, you know, with you and Craig and a lot of people that are outside the church platforms. And I'm loving this ride. I heard your story. Actually share the story, how you were sitting on the side of the road with that car blown up. And you just pulled out your phone. I heard it yesterday. I was like, this lady, my daughter was listening. She's like, this is who's on your podcast. And I go, yeah. She goes, dad, I hope this studio can continue to.
• 8:45
  Oh, tell this story because I didn't know who you were until you were on Craig's thing. So my listeners might not know you. So tell that story how you got started in social media, which you have over a million followers now, by the way. And if you're not following Real Talk Kim, you have to. She I caught her first. What do you call the morning Instagram? Prayer talk? It's RTK. Just this is my podcast per call.
• 9:07
  It is so good. I'm going to start listening to that every morning when I'm available. I do it every morning at 8 a.m. I just, it's like a Popeye spinach for y'all. I just, I kind of just sit there and I usually try to stop it at 30 minutes, but man, the Holy Ghost starts falling and we in there for 50 minutes this morning. I was watching it and I'm not kidding. You have so many comments and the last comment I saw it and I was driving and you commented on it. He's the guy said that he, his mom is driving him nuts and you caught it and I'm like, whoa, she's, uh, she's sitting in here in my car with me.
• 9:37
  He said, he said, my mama, he said, he said, man, it's my mama. She driving me crazy. I said, you know why your mama's driving you crazy? Because your mama's got more power over you than God. God knows your mama's crazy and he's going to use you to help get your mama uncrazy, but it's the way we process things. So I'm sitting on the side of the road today. I had to go get a job, Kelly. So in that religion that I was raised in, we couldn't wear makeup. Like women did wear makeup, but it looked like a Amish person.
• 10:07
  This is such a good story, by the way. Can you believe that when I lost everything and I had to go get a J-O-B, the only thing in my little city was a Belk. And Belk is like a Kmart on crack. I was like, no, I gotta go. I didn't even like people, Kelly. Like I hated people.
• 10:25
  And I was because I was a preacher's kid. I had been ruined by church people judging me all the time. And so I just didn't trust none of them. And I thought all of them were hypocrites. And I am literally what God did was he said, I'm going to use your pain as your as your platform. I'm going to make you go get a job. I ain't worked in 13 years. I will make you go get a job in. Some of you don't know shit about it.
• 10:50
  Kelly, I can't even go on YouTube and figure it out. I mean, I'm terrible. Like my eyebrows are not, I had to go get them tattooed because they're not twins. I mean, I couldn't even get my, I couldn't even get my. And he put me right there in cosmetics where I had to for 45 minutes smell someone's breath doing their makeup and I'm like, God, you hate me. I mean, it was the worst season ever. But in that season, that's when I'm driving my knockoff Bentley too. And I'm like an hour away from my house
• 11:20
  I had to drive one hour going to work and one hour coming home. I started praying for God to give me the desire to get unstuck. I'm like, God, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be angry. If I died right now, nobody would even come to my funeral because I don't know how to have friends.
• 11:35
  I just pushed everybody away. And man, in that car, Kelly, God started, man, he started healing me. Like I was desperate. I was desperate. And I'm sitting on the side of the road. Like I got so, I got so delivered and saved that if a mosquito would have bit me, it would have gotten the Holy Ghost. Like I was, I shifted Kelly. Everything shifted in me.
• 11:56
  And I'm starting to love doing makeup on people. Like I'm like, I'm telling them how beautiful they are. And it's like everything was because your purpose is connected to your worst pain. Whatever you walk through that you thought was going to kill you is the area God's going to use you the most. Because you got something to talk about. It's free life college. So one day, Kelly, I'm sitting on the side of the road. And, I mean, I lost everything. I'm sitting on the side of the road. And smoke is coming out of my knockoff Bentley.
• 12:26
  And all I could think about was
• 12:29
  I was like, God, you think of everything. You giving me my own smoke machine. And I take out my phone and I'm like, hello, awesome people. Are you sitting on the side of the road in your hoopty? Which was a broke down car. Feeling like God's forgotten about you. I mean, listen, there wasn't no polish to it. It was just organic, man. I was like, you ain't gonna give up. You gonna get up, get up, get up.
• 12:57
  And then I'm much in their face just telling them to get up. And that video went viral. I put that video up, it went viral. And it was almost like God was like, Kimberly, you don't need nobody to give you a platform. You don't need nobody to qualify you. I've qualified you. And when I saw you were ready, I began to open the windows of heaven over your life. And before I knew it, there was hundreds of thousands of people following me.
• 13:24
  Every day I began to do videos of encouragement. That wasn't even that good, Kelly. Them videos weren't even that good. That's because you're beautiful. That's why. Thank you, Kelly. They were organic and they were authentic. And that's what people want, Kelly. That's why people love you. Because you sit and talk about the real you. You talk about, man, I used to be addicted to this alcohol. This thing had me. I still have this non-alcohol now. And you're sitting there with your cigars. Like you're basically saying...
• 13:54
  I decided to change, and that's the key. Kelly, you got to change. Nobody's coming to do it for you. And if you're watching and listening to this podcast today, you got to know that, listen, you ain't dead, which means God ain't done. All you got to do is get up and begin to move. Move your big old thick thigh. Don't stay there angry. Move. Even if you feel like a turtle stuck in peanut butter, move. Because when you move, you're going to get ahead, and God's going to open the doors that's going to blow your ever-loving mind.
• 14:24
  You have my producers laughing like they're still, you're the best. I just said, I love you, you're amazing. I, first of all, I wanna, I wanna, I'm gonna be honest with you and I'm gonna be, I'm gonna, what is the word I'm trying to say? So I wanna tell you that it makes me feel very loved that you went through and looked, cause I know you're a busy woman and you have a lot going on. You came right off of your prayer talk to right to this and you taking the time to research harder than life and me
• 14:53
  It shows me love. So I want to acknowledge that and feel that. And I thank you. It shows how authentic and genuine you truly are. Well, Kelly, you know what? I got to say something about you. You know, there's not a lot of men. Big, burly, you tell you work out, take care of yourself. Macho ego is what people would think, right? Because you're into yourself and take care of yourself. There's not a lot of men being vulnerable like you.
• 15:21
  And so that's, that's, that's, God's going to really use you, Kelly, because you are standing in the gap and showing other people that, man, just because you serve Jesus, it ain't boring. Like, man, I live, like, you're contagious. Your joy is contagious. You just can tell I've been to hell and I came out on fire, man.
• 15:41
  Ain't nobody on this planet can tell me God ain't real. That's how you portray. And you deliver it well. So thank you for your yes. Thank you for getting up.
• 15:52
  Well, I appreciate it. And, you know, at the end of the day, too, it's I think you've got to go through some of this. You've got to have contrast. So if I've never drank in my life and I say don't drink, how do I know? So I know both ends of it. And it's not just the drink. And it's, you know, I've interviewed a lot of people. And you said it this morning on your call. It can be porn. It could be the scroll hole. It could be.
• 16:15
  You talked about weed. Weed is a big thing. Everybody's like, oh, I'm California sober. Oh, great. So you're still numbing your feelings. That's not, that is not the way to through it. You just, you sit in your shit and process your shit and it will get done faster. And that's all I do with the hard line.
• 16:35
  I think that positivity is a lot of it. People knock me, knock me, knock me, and I'm just going to kill them with kindness just over and over and over. I'll use something that I think Ed Milet says this all the time. God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called.
• 16:51
  Boom. Period. I'm here. I've said it a million times, Kim, and you don't know me yet, but you'll know me now, as I have been run over, shot at, stabbed, punched, beaten. I shouldn't be here, but I am. And as you said, I don't look like the kind of guy that has the gift of oration and intelligence, but I am. And God didn't give me all this to sit back and do nothing. So we just got started. We started this January 31st. We're eight months into this. We're just getting warmed up.
• 17:20
  So you just started the podcast eight months ago? Yeah, I wrote this book just to get things off my head during the pandemic. Everybody was day drinking, and I just sat at home, and God was testing me like there's no tomorrow. And I had my ex-wife and my ex-girlfriend tried to end me and ruin me. And, yeah, that doesn't work real well. So proud of you, man. It's just you put my back against the wall. It's on. Be careful. That's me. You poked the bear, and it's coming.
• 17:50
  How did you end up? So you said you were born in... Where did you say you were born in? I was actually born in Jacksonville, North Carolina, but only 24 hours. My parents were preaching there and mama had me. How'd you end up in Georgia then? That's the question. How'd you end up in Georgia? My daddy pastors a church. And so he came to Atlanta, Georgia and built a church. Said God called him here. Isn't that where...
• 18:16
  Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. Yeah. Is he still alive? No. My daddy, he died three years ago. Oh, I'm sorry. In the pandemic, he died. You know what's crazy is my daddy, Kelly, he could quote the Bible, man. He could get around Atlanta with no GPS, and you know he got dementia. Yeah.
• 18:38
  He got dementia at 70. I think he was diagnosed about 68 years old. It was a generational curse. And his uncle had died of it, several people in his family. And that thing took my daddy, turned him into a little boy.
• 18:53
  I mean, he's terrible. My grandparents that they were there who basically raised me were like that. They ended with dimension. It's just terrible. I tell you, I just brought up Martin Luther King. He's one of the I always ask a question. If you could have dinner with one person alive or dead, who would it be? That would probably be who I'd his gift of gab. It might be number two to you, but his story is remarkable on how he could.
• 19:17
  streamline people and unite people. And it's just a shame. I wish I would have, I wish you would have lived longer and been able to make a bigger impact. So your company name is conquering hell in high heels.
• 19:31
  What's the backstory on that? I love it, by the way. Love it. Okay. So, so I was walking through my divorce and I guess I was about this time, about 38 years old and Facebook had a quiz and it was 25 things about me. It's when we were all just telling you stuff about ourselves. And it was like, I like, I like banana sandwiches with mayonnaise. It was like nothing, you know, just stuff about me.
• 19:52
  And I wanted to do 25 things about me. This was right after my divorce. I was feeling so terrible about myself. Didn't have no friends. And my mom and daddy's depressed. And I start with number one said, said, what's your favorite food? And Kelly, I couldn't even tell you what my favorite food was like I had literally lost me.
• 20:11
  Number two was, what's your favorite color? I was like, I don't even know my favorite colors. That night I said, God, I need to know 25 things about me. I need to fall back in love with me. I've been in love with people that didn't love me back. I've been over here trying to give medicine to people that like being sick. And now I'm sick. And I need you to heal me. Say both of those back again. That is so good. I-
• 20:32
  I said I had lived my whole life trying to get people to love me that never loved me. And I was taking medicine to people that like to be sick. And I got sick. That's where you and I are kindred spirits. I wanted to help everybody. I just met you and I love you. And I mean it. I know you can feel it right through this.
• 20:53
  We're sending you all kinds of love and vibrations because we're going to have some more tough questions. So keep going. You were talking about Conquering Hell on High Heels. So about seven days later, my youngest, Lincoln Presley, he was about nine years old at the time. He walked in and handed me a poem. And that poem was 35 – it was Mother's Day – 35 things that I love about you.
• 21:16
  And it wasn't 25 because that's how God rolls. He does exceedingly abundantly more than we could ever ask or think. Ephesians 3.20.
• 21:23
  And number one on there said, Mama, I love you because you were the loudest one at my basketball game. I wanted to punch him in the face because every time we would go to his basketball games, he would give me a lecture all the way there. Don't scream today. Every time I hit a goal, you are the loudest one there. And it makes me embarrassed. And here this boy is saying, Mama, I love you because you're the loudest one at my basketball game. The next one was I love you, Mama, because you conquered hell in high heels.
• 21:50
  Oh, he came up with it. Get out of here. I was like, Lincoln, what does that even mean? He said, mama, he said, what should have killed you? You stayed soft. He said, because high heels are femininity. And he said, you didn't get basically ratchet, but you got righteous. You went from hood to holy, girl.
• 22:15
  You are triggering me in the happiest ways. I just, it is just, this is what I needed today. It was worked. So Morgan and Lincoln, let's talk about them. They're 27. What do they do? What are they doing now?
• 22:29
  So both of them work with me and I pastor a church right here in Atlanta, Georgia called Limitless Church. And if y'all are ever in Atlanta, come see me every Sunday, 10 and 1130. I preach. And one of my sons runs my media. He does all the stuff. He's got me TikTok. He's like, everywhere I go now, they're like, you're that TikTok preacher. I ain't even been on TikTok. Yeah.
• 22:51
  Same with me. I get it all the time. My daughter goes, really? So wait, when did they turn not embarrassed? Because my daughter does the same thing. All of her friends are following me, and we get places. She's like, Dad, you're getting famous. I was like, I don't know. When did they get proud of you and stop being embarrassed? Because my daughter, she came home yesterday, and she was crying a little bit. Too much information, but I'm going to tell you this. So she comes in. She's like, I had a rough day. I just need a hug. And I give her a hug.
• 23:21
  And she says, I took it a lot. People were making fun of you for taking steroids. And I was like, well, I don't take steroids. And she said, I know, but I don't want to fight with them. And I said, well, are you? And I hug her. And I said, honey, is it going to be that time of the month?
• 23:36
  She goes, yes. She goes, how did you know? I said, I've been around a few women in my days. So when did they, when did they flip? She's, she's 14 and a half. When did they flip to the point where they're no longer embarrassed? Because I've only just begun to embarrass her. Yeah. You know, I did a TV show called Preachers of Atlanta and it was on oxygen.
• 24:01
  And I used to preach in tutus with my mohawk and like leather coats and combat boots. And I went through a little phase. I'm the queen of rebranding myself. I'm always going to be growing. That was the short hair ones that are on your website? Yeah. In fact, my book. You just look badass. Yeah.
• 24:21
  Hey, that Mohawk was 25 years. But the reason I wore tutus and stuff was because I was addicted to people pleasing. And so that was a way for me to break out. And like I became me. You know, I was like, this is who I am. And that little character I created like took off. So I got on a show called Preachers of Atlanta.
• 24:43
  And on Preachers of Atlanta, man, my kids, like, because we had cameras following us, there was a lot of stuff we had to talk about. And, I mean, my kids were like, they would just tell everything. It was like, you know, my lullabies every night when I was growing up was you and daddy screaming and yelling at each other on national TV. And so we were dealing with, like, real hard issues. And, man, we got so close. Yeah.
• 25:08
  Like that TV show was really for me and my boys. We got so close. We healed. And they both started working with me in ministry. Now my oldest leads worship, beautiful singer. These boys, Kelly, could have been such statistics because their mom and daddy got a divorce at a very prime age for them. But yet now because of the way we were able to navigate
• 25:35
  through the divorce, now these boys are healthy and strong. They're the greatest spouses. Like Lincoln's got a girlfriend they're probably gonna get married. They love so well. Like their daddy wasn't really in their life and yet they learned what not to do, how to be. I'm just so proud of them because I killed it. Hey, there's humility. Way to go, girl. So if you're like me- I killed it as a mama, man.
• 26:04
  If you're like me and you want more Kim, go to inner circle dot real talk, Kim dot com and check out more methods to receive more of her. She's got this real talk, Kim inner circle. That is phenomenal. There's four or five different things that you can sign up for. Hey, make grant, make sure that that's in the show notes. So it's just brilliant. She has she shares herself with the world. And I love that. I love it. What's something you believe in that almost nobody agrees with you on? This ought to be good.
• 26:34
  I believe that God uses people with the worst past to create the best futures. And I get, I get judged so much by the church because I am not a bully. I'm not going to just preach. Y'all, my daddy preached hell for the first 16 years of my life. Everything was going to send you to hell, even ankle straps on your, on your shoes. And that never got me saved. Yeah.
• 26:58
  And so I don't preach hell, fire, brimstone. I preach love. I preach God's love, man. That God's love will change anybody. And so a lot of people, especially in the church, you know, have a real hard time with that because they think I should be using my platform to put people in hell.
• 27:16
  And I'm just not going to do it. If I don't want to address something, I don't address it. I'm just going to love them and get their hearts right. So I believe that you can turn your life around in 30 days. I literally believe that you can be in the worst case scenario and in 30 days change it. And your whole life look differently.
• 27:35
  I think you're my sister from another mister. I'd say 90 days. And I would also, I'd expand the love to all love. It's not just God's love. God's love is the ultimate, but all love. I agree. I think we just need to lead with love. I have it in my bathroom that I look at every morning. It says, love everybody and tell the truth. It's just a Ram Dass quote. And I look at it every morning. I love that. Love everybody and tell the doggone truth. The doggone truth.
• 28:04
  I love that. I love your Southern accent. You're the best. I'm so grateful you're here. Thank you. I know you're a busy woman, and it means the world to me. We've been talking 30 minutes, and it feels like it's been five, and I could talk to you all day long. I know it. At the beginning of the pandemic, you were served divorce papers, followed three months later by your father passing away. Those are two gut punches. You're a woman of faith.
• 28:31
  Why does God do this? And what did you learn from it? You know, with both of them, I mean, the husband situation, I knew I wasn't supposed to doggone marry him. Like, I just knew it, Kelly. You know what? Hold on. You talked about that this morning on your thing. Talk about that gut feeling. Divert for a second and then go back to my question. Talk about that gut feeling, how you know, you said it this morning is so articulate because we all know when we're messing up. Yes.
• 29:02
  And then we get mad. Like, we create these storms. And then we get mad because why did God do this? God did do this. God was giving me a million red flags, and I'm walking around acting like it's a carnival.
• 29:14
  I'm like, oh, it's a carnival. I can change them. No, you can't. Like, you already know that you're walking into a really bad situation, Kim. And so I just, you know, I believe that if you go to your gut. So wait, what were the red flags with the guy? Because this was his second marriage and you lasted eight years, right? Eight.
• 29:36
  So tell me the red flags. So Kelly, I wasn't in ministry at the time. Like I never dreamed in a million years when I met this man on Facebook. I never knew in a million years. First red flag, by the way. First red flag. He's like, first red flag.
• 29:51
  I knew, Kelly. I knew. I just knew, like, he wasn't one. But I was living at my mom and daddy's house, and I was like, he's going to get me out of my mom and daddy's house. He's older. He's an older man. He's going to get me out of my mom and daddy's house, and he's going to save me. I never knew that I was going to be preaching. I never knew God was going to use me all over the world and make me, like—
• 30:13
  Everybody knows me like I walk around people know who I am. And so I met this man, two of his exes found me on social media, reached out to me and said, don't you do it. And you're still with it. You're so real. I mean, literally, we've all done it. We've all done it. Red flag, red flag, it's all good.
• 30:40
  Don't do it. Don't marry this man. And I'm working at Bloomingdale's making $19 an hour. I mean, $13 an hour. I'm like, he's going to get me out. He can't be that bad. Like he, he was this nice looking older man. Like he looked like he was good guy. Like he, he had a house. He lived in San Diego. Like he, I was, he had a motorcycle. I'm like, I'm going to be saved. He has my financial security.
• 31:07
  Oh my gosh, Kelly. I met that dude twice before I married him. Oh, we do a whole podcast on this one. The jaws are just dropping in the other room, my guys.
• 31:19
  I was not real talking him then. I was, I was, I was, I could buy cheese with my credit. Like I had walked through a divorce four years previous. I was so broken. I knew better. I knew better. And I still did it. I would have stayed with him though, Kelly. I'm a ride or die, man.
• 31:37
  I know we talk about that because, man, I hear that story from you and I just want to hug you because, I mean, it's just raw dog. I mean, he just, and that happened to me and it's happened to us all. So tell the story about the divorce papers and how and what happened. Yeah.
• 31:54
  So I was preaching in Biloxi, Mississippi at a MLM event. I was speaking for two hours at this event. And all of a sudden, all these pastor friends of mine started calling saying, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Kim. I'm like, sorry for what? They're like, your husband is being outed right now all over social media, like everybody.
• 32:16
  is putting his picture up, asking whose husband. They all knew whose husband it was. And it was, it was real talk, Kim's husband. And he had gotten exposed for having an affair, having an affair with one of my followers. And...
• 32:31
  When I'm at the house and all of a sudden the pandemic has just started a week. He is we're in the house. It's kind of it's kind of quiet because he's been exposed. All of a sudden there's a knock on the door and I go to he says, Kim, somebody's at the door. I go open the door and a lady is standing there with divorce papers and she looks at me and she says, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
• 32:57
  And all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, it was God because I would have stayed with him. But God knew his character can't keep up with your purpose, Kim. And so we're going to just let him out. We're going to let him have the exit. So that's what happened. And we went through the pandemic, got divorced. My daddy died three months later. It was probably the most growing season of my life. Really, I was a really great person then.
• 33:26
  But this, this, this, this, that year, it really knocked me over to being an exceptional person.
• 33:31
  So Kim, you know that while you were going through that, I was going through my same exact, I wrote the book. I mean, exact, I wrote a book about it during the same time, this is when the two exes teamed up at the same time. I was alone, I was going through all these emotions. I was about 14 or 15 months into my sobriety not understanding anything. Just, that's when I officially looked up at, looked up at this guy, I swear to, and said, you know me, God, you cannot break me. This will not break me.
• 34:01
  And I looked over at my scotch and I said, nope, grabbed a cigar. I put my phone down. I went for a long drive and I devised a plan on how I was going to fricking claw my way back. So when you were going through that, I was going through that. And here we are today, stronger and better. Kudos to you. I am proud of you. Kudos to you, man. Bam. What was meant to take you out took you over.
• 34:29
  Ooh, what's meant to take you out? You know what I realized, Kelly? You know what I realized, Kelly? Here's one thing that I've learned. That your character will outlive their lives. Come on.
• 34:41
  You don't got to clap back, hurt people, hurt people, but heal people, heal people. Your fruit will outlive every lie ever spoken about you. That's why you can't clap back and you can't go down to their level. You can't come off your chair to throw tomatoes in the cheap seats. You hear me? You got to stay focused, man, because thieves don't rob empty vaults.
• 35:04
  The enemy wasn't fighting Kelly and Kim because we ain't got nothing going on. The enemy knew there was a lot in us. And that if he could captivate us and keep us in anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness, and fighting in the flesh, then he could have us. But you and I did it. We clawed our way back out. And look at us.
• 35:23
  And so can everybody else too. So can everybody else. And that's what this is all about. That's why you use your platform. That's why I use my platform. If you're sitting there and you're listening to this today and you're like, well, I can't do that. Baloney. You can't. And you just got to stop being a victim and own it, become aware and move forward.
• 35:43
  There's 8 billion people in this world. Why are you letting a few buttholes stop you? You know what I'm saying? Why are you letting people...
• 35:54
  you talk about hurt people hurting people, but you know what, what they're really trying to do is that have the illusion of control. If I can be mean to you and I have control and I don't have to deal with my feelings, that's what happens. People even realize, hey man, that's why I sit there, vulnerability is cool. If I tell you that I had to empty a fricking urine jar as a little kid,
• 36:19
  Yes, you're going to feel sorry for me for a second, but that's embarrassing. And we can connect and bring us together. I tell you that at nine years old, my mom beat the living crap out of me. I'm not doing it for sympathy. I'm doing it because you understand all the battles that I've been through, like with you with divorce papers and two twice. You're human. Yes. And it ain't over. Oh, I know. It's good of you. I feel like I just started living. Me too. And I'm 51. Yeah.
• 36:49
  i don't believe it show me the show me your verse again i don't believe it i don't believe i am 51 years old and i feel like i am just getting started man fake news you look beautiful 51 thank you so much how are you kelly 47 i'll be 48 in a month all right yeah i'm 48 years young man i love that kelly you think you're gonna get married again
• 37:14
  Uh, I, I don't, you know, I'd never say never. Uh, you know, I never say never because, uh, Hey, I did it when I was a mess. So I'd rather do it when I'm healed. I'm pretty healed. The challenge now is that I, people, I repel the people that aren't for me. And it's a, it's a weird thing when, when, when I was drinking and partying, I was life of the party and everybody loved me. And then now I'm this woman.
• 37:42
  wholesome and pure and vulnerable big personality who's i don't i don't get what this influencer stuff is but it is what it is and and it's just people run from me but yeah it's uh hey i'm talking to you that's that's the right one to run to you you know yeah when it's time when when god says it's time
• 38:02
  Um, I didn't, you know what I'm going to say this, you are fascinating to me and I've said it a million times, but I aspire to you to have your positivity. I have some of it, but I, I aspire to have more. What are, this usually comes with non-negotiables. What are some of your non-negotiables? You gotta be fun.
• 38:22
  If you are a negative zapper, I will not be around you. I love you and I pastor. I pastor a lot of different types of people, but I am the type of person, if you're around me very long, I will brainwash you into believing that you can get up from anything and be happy. So a non-negotiable is Debbie Downers, Petty Patricks. Another non-negotiable is people with no integrity. I don't like people with no integrity that don't love people.
• 38:48
  And so my non-negotiables are, man, you got to bring peace into my life, not pieces. I need peace. I need peace. You ain't going to steal my peace. If you knew how hard I fought to get where I am today, you would understand why I have a slogan that says, kiss my boundaries.
• 39:06
  I love it. Kiss. That's the show. The name of the show right there. Kiss my boundaries right there. My, that is so good. And you know what? I know exactly what it took. I say, if you knew the amount of violence it took me to get this soft, you'd understand. That's literally what it is. Violence. Because Kelly, nobody tells you the amount of grieving and healing.
• 39:33
  Forgiveness. That was the big one. I had to forgive my parents. I had to forgive myself. I had to forgive everybody and everything. And then just keep continue with the gratitude day in and day out until it just till you believed it. And I'm like you, if you hang out with me long enough, you're going to believe you can fly.
• 39:57
  Two of us together, they're going to be like, no, just please, just, just don't come near me. I need, I need just one of you. Not, not both. Just, just one. Can you share some hobbies and interests outside of Real Talk, Kim?
• 40:11
  I love working out. So in January, I started working out and now I'm like, I love the gym. I love lifting weights. I would never lift weights because I always thought it was going to be like a man, but it doesn't.
• 40:28
  love laughing. I love just, man, getting outside. Uh, I'm a, I'm a, I ain't scared of nothing. I ain't gonna be jumping off no building, but I like adventure. Uh, I just love life, man. I, I YOLO big time. I live, but really one of my big passions is working out. I love to work out. So I have a theory. I, everybody always says you only live once. I say you only die once you live every day.
• 40:55
  Yes, I love that. So working out, obviously I work out, that's like non-negotiable for me. And it's, you keep, you like my sister cause I say the same thing, integrity. When I say how you get integrity is by keeping your word to yourself and to everybody else. And when I say it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. So we're definitely gonna have to hang out. So if you could create one law, what would it be and why?
• 41:23
  One law, if I could create one law, it would be stopping gossip. Oh, that's, you ever read the book, The Four Agreements? You're going to hell on a slip and slide if you gossip. What'd you say? Have you ever read the book, The Four Agreements? Uh-uh.
• 41:44
  It talks about be impeccable with your word and be impeccable with your words to not gossip. I just read the four agreements companion book and it's so easy to get sucked into gossip. So I'm like, Oh, did you hear about Craig? And did you hear about this? And it's like, and in the four agreements book, he said, it's none of my business or I have no opinion on that. That's your two answers. And when people want to gossip. None of my business and I have no opinion on it.
• 42:10
  Because you don't know, you always say that, oh, I don't believe them, but we're human. And when people plant stuff in people's heads, you still got that, you still got that opinion of that person. And I believe a lot of great people you miss out on because you allowed to, you listen to something that you shouldn't have listened to. So I think gossip should be, I hate gossip. That would be one of my laws, no gossip.
• 42:35
  Literally, I tell people ahead of time that don't know me. I said, if you see me disappear from a conversation or a group of people, it's because they're gossiping. And I will mid-sentence. I got to go to the bathroom. I will too. Gone. And just walk. If you see me disappear and I don't come back, that's because I didn't like the conversation and it was negative. Me too.
• 42:55
  And I don't even mind. I just walk right off. Yeah. And the best part is most people are drinking. And I don't even have to say. I was there all night. I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm back home sleeping.
• 43:06
  You know, we're going to come back to that God, what you learned about that. We're going to end it with it because you're going to go on a really nice run with that. So we're going to come back to that, what you learned from your daddy dying and that divorce. But I want to ask some more. I'm going to keep going down this questions about yourself. What's the most important decision you made in your life? Loving me. Come on.
• 43:32
  Fell in love with Keone. All of me loves all of me. That is such an overused term, but I say it's, you'll, you'll see all my responses to the, to the haterade, um, sending you love and positivity, love yourself. So tell how you did that. Where'd you start and how do you keep it going daily? Yeah.
• 43:59
  Kelly, I would lay in my bed at night because I was so angry. Like I would pray every night for my ex to get killed with a train because I knew that she got killed with a train. And I would lay in my bed at night and be like, God, I know this ain't right. And I just, I need you to help me love me. Like, let me stop blaming you for the storms I'm creating. Let me love me so well that it's the law of draw, that I attract the right people in my life.
• 44:28
  And I would just pray these elementary prayers, man. Like, I want to love me. I want to love people so well that when I say I love you, they would be like, I know you do. Like, let me. So I went on this journey, you know, and I was real with me in quiet time. And then I would really let God do what he wanted to do in my life. And now I freaking love everybody. Like, loving people is my favorite hobby.
• 44:54
  I feel you on that. This is, again, we're very similar. I feel you on that because you just took accountability for God putting bad people in your life. And the only accountability you have is that you allowed it. You didn't do anything, but you allowed it. And that is the hardest, at least in my opinion, the hardest accountability to take.
• 45:13
  My voice just crackled because I did it. And God kept sending these women into my life. And it sounds like it happened to you too. They're like, hey, dummy, pay attention. We're trying to teach you something. And then finally, I don't know about you, but I did it alone. And I just took a long time alone. Yeah, I put a do not disturb up on my heart. Did it alone. Best thing I ever did. That's the only way to do it, unfortunately. Yeah.
• 45:43
  What re I'm going to ask this and I already know the answer, but I got to ask what reaction do people have when you walk into the room? Uh, I'm contagious, you know, I mean, I'm contagious. I'm contagious.
• 46:01
  Because I really love people. People always tell me, you don't really know who you are. You don't really realize the capacity that you are. You really are all that. But I think when you lose everything, you're so grateful that God's given you this influence.
• 46:18
  that you are just like, and like, and, oh, like, I'm so grateful. I'm just so grateful that God lets me do this and that I could still be working at Bloomingdale's, but yet people love me enough that they're in my inner circle doing life with me. They cut, they could, they, out of all the churches in Atlanta, they come to my church. Like, I'm just so grateful. And so I think that's what it is. They just, people can't believe that. Dog, she's like really humble.
• 46:47
  and contagious. You've only been doing this for a couple of years, right? Three years. So I've only been pastoring for three years. It'll be four years, New Year's Eve. I've been real talk cam for about 10 years. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. New Year's Eve was your first one. You know that I quit drinking five years ago, New Year's Eve. What? So you did arrest. You did a resolution, which everybody knocks resolutions. You did a resolution and stuck with it.
• 47:14
  Yeah, I just said this thing. This isn't working for me anymore. And I'm going to take a break. And I only committed to 90 days. That's why I said 90 days. And I was in Key West, Florida. And New Year's, I cheers the drag queen and set my drink down and never picked it back up. Five years. And, yeah. Did you ever. Kelly, was it hard? Did you hit days where you were like, man, after 90 days, was it still hard?
• 47:41
  No, it wasn't. It got easier. The hardest part was about...
• 47:47
  six days into it, I literally, I think I went gangbusters. I was in Key West for a week and drinking a fifth a day and cause I knew I was done. And about, I think it was June, January 4th, I got encountered with some, a problem. Then January 6th, another big, these are major problems like girlfriend problems. I own an IT company, IT company problems. And then I was sitting at my house, I felt really abandoned. I'm sure you can identify with abandonment and
• 48:17
  And I just wasn't loving myself. And I just I hit what I would call rock bottom. And I just I got a call from a dear friend out of nowhere. And he said, I want you to know that I love you and you're a good person. And you just made some bad choices.
• 48:32
  And I said, I know. And I just burst out in tears, let it all out. I had another friend show up at my house, took me to the gym and just got me to work out. And after that, my daughter came home and we had dinner and it was just, all right, it's go time. And about a week later, things got better. So you didn't have to go to rehab. I didn't. I did it cold turkey. I don't recommend it. I don't recommend it because, but.
• 48:56
  Alone. We talked about it alone. I want, I needed to be alone in my feelings and process these things. Yeah. And I did. And here I am, I'm coming up on five years and it's, it's, um, I don't even think about it anymore. And this is what I look at. And I have the contrast.
• 49:11
  When I used to drink, I used to start off my days in a negative. I'd have a few drinks and I'd get myself to even zero. But now I'm at 9, 10, maybe 30. And if I have one drink, and I could have one drink. I literally, I don't believe I was an alcoholic because I was able to walk away. I would bring myself down to zero. Why the hell would I want to do that?
• 49:34
  I'm here for a reason. I'm here to inspire, model, and educate and show people that this can be done. I mean, I was a big boy. I had a tolerance of amazing people. I showed a lot of fun. But I tell you what, since I quit, my body's in a better shape. I'm a better father. I'm a better businessman. I launched a podcast. I wrote a book. I'm about to launch a fitness app. And life is good, man. So proud of you.
• 50:03
  Thank you, thank you. I'm grateful that I met you. I got a weird question for you. When you are down, which may never be, but we're always down, what can you think of that make you smile? Man, life. Like I just have a great life. Like I think about, you know, if it could be, I could still be at Bloomydales.
• 50:24
  How often do you get that minor fleeting moments? Like, yeah, something will be the mind virus will just pop in and say something of all. And I got so many habits and rituals that I just don't. That's not true. I know it's cool. Usually I'm just hungry when that happens, actually. Yeah. Yeah. You know, mine's usually around that time of the month. So that's it.
• 50:48
  Hey, I'm just like, girl, shut up. Like I'm the queen of talking to myself though. Like if I find myself getting in a, in a mood or something, I will smell. I'll be like, Kim, shut up, girl. You got it going on. Like I will. I'll just be in that mirror talking to myself. So I don't let myself go there. Like people ask me all the time, are you always like this? I'm like, yeah, I really am. Because happiness is a choice. When you first got started, did people call you intense, too intense or too much?
• 51:17
  Oh, yes. I still get that. You know, why are you so passionate? Why you got to talk? Because I get going, man. Oh, I know you do. I keep cutting you off. Why are you mad? I'm like, this is called passion. You know, so yeah, I mean, I'm a lot for a lot of people. Everyone's not going to like you, and that's okay. Just keep being you, and the right people will come follow you. God will send complete strangers. Yeah.
• 51:44
  to love you and support you man so i just don't let myself stay down like you it's you know what it is what you just said is love you're just loving yourself that's it there's not too much you're just loving yourself what's your biggest fear
• 51:58
  I don't really have any anymore. You know, my biggest fear before was not being, not getting to experience love, because obviously I was a glutton for love. You know, like my daddy and mama were married 52 years and my fear was, oh my gosh, you know, what's wrong with me? And I don't fear anything anymore because I just, I've watched God do too much of my life to fear if it's God, it's gonna happen.
• 52:24
  And there ain't nobody in this world that can stop it. And so I don't have any fears, not one doggone fear in my life. So you just keep spurring me to share stories with you. So I was just – I own a home in Florida. I own a home in Michigan. And I fly back and forth for my daughter. And I used to own a plane, and we would fly, and I used to get nervous. This is when I drank. I used to get – I hated going through the clouds because you couldn't see. And my future –
• 52:52
  I felt like I was gonna hit something. Like God was gonna hit something, gonna make me hit something to stop my deviant ways. So I was flying back on Monday and we were coming through the clouds and I was just watching him. And I was like complete calm because I knew God had me and I was on the right path. And it's faith over fear. Period. Microphone drop. You cannot have faith in fear.
• 53:19
  And fear is false evidence appearing real. God is not a God of chaos and confusion. He's just not. So when we find ourselves getting anxious, the Bible says be anxious for nothing. And so when you start feeling it, you just breathe. Like that's what I do when I start feeling anxiousness. Because I was on six planes last week. I just breathe. It ain't nothing. I'm so quick to let things roll off my back now. I used to be, oh my God.
• 53:49
  Not anymore. I'm just like, everything is good. Do you ever get the feeling that really gratitude? Gratitude and anxiety feel very similar to me. Do you ever get that? Anxiety and gratitude. Gratitude.
• 54:06
  I don't know. Break that down. So a lot of times I will start feeling my heart will start racing when I'm doing something cool and I'll be like, why am I anxious? And I'm like, wait a minute. I'm not anxious. I'm grateful. Ain't that crazy? It's because I just grew up like I told you I was raised in hell. This is no exaggeration. I was raised in hell. So that.
• 54:30
  I never was grateful. I mean, I just, I was scared, scared to death. So I didn't have anything to be grateful for. So grateful for, it feels a lot like anxiety because that's all I've ever been is an anxiety. Man, that's deep, Kelly. That is deep. What can I say? That is awesome that we realize that how many times we don't just step back and realize, man, I'm actually not...
• 54:57
  I'm not anxious. I'm actually very grateful right now. If more people would do what you just said, they would be doing this instead of this. Up and down, up and down. Steven Scoggins has a mentor that said this. This too shall pass, and what replaces it will be greater. And I say that to myself a lot. And it's the truth. It will pass. Absolutely.
• 55:18
  I want to go back because we're finishing up. I want to be respectful of your time. We'll come up in an hour. I could talk to you forever, and I love this, and I can't wait to meet you in person. Let's go back to what did you learn, and how did it, and I know you now enough to know that when your father passed away, along with the divorce, this was God saying, I believe in you. So just take on that and say, what did you learn, and how can you share that with the people?
• 55:48
  I learned that with elevation comes separation. If my ex wouldn't have walked out on me, I would never be where I am today because he was a hater. You know, he would have just kept pulling me back. That sometimes God has to break your spirit to save your soul.
• 56:07
  Um, I also realized with my daddy's passing that if my daddy would have still been here, Kelly, I would never be pastor in this church, which is killing. God is crushing it. Cause my daddy, my daddy didn't believe in women preachers for forever. Um,
• 56:25
  It took him getting sick for him to really start and watch me on Preachers of Atlanta, where he really started seeing, man, my daughter's got my gift. So if my daddy, if my ex wouldn't have walked out, I wouldn't be what I'm doing, what I'm doing today. Both of my exes, actually. I would not be where I am today. So with separation comes elevation. When we realize that rejection is God's protection, rejection is not necessarily someone wanting out of your life.
• 56:53
  but it's somebody God needs out of your future. And I look at that death of my daddy, like that legacy, when he took his last breath, the legacy of my life took off so I could do what my daddy could never do. Here's one for you. Rejection is redirection. Man, so good. Everything happens for you, not to you. That is a freaking, you can look at that and see that right away.
• 57:18
  Is there anything I haven't asked you that I should have that you'd like to share?
• 57:24
  You know, I think one thing I would like to add is y'all know I just put a new book out called You Gotta Get Up. I've written five books. But I want to talk to that person today that might have been like me in special ed. Maybe you don't know where commas go either. Maybe you are over here feeling like I'm not qualified. Nobody in my family is, you know, I'm the black sheep of my family. I was too. Now I'm the GOAT.
• 57:49
  There is nothing in your life that is stopping you, whether it was special ed, whether it was quitting school. I want to encourage you that God uses every single thing. Your test is your testimony. Go write that book. Stop letting the enemy tell you nobody would read your book. Yes, they will. Your book is going to change the world and the legacy will live on. So don't let labels that were put on you stop you from doing all that you know you're supposed to do.
• 58:18
  run forest run and don't stop don't stop keep getting up again failure is not failure unless you stay down failure is part of success so you got to make mistakes in order to get to where you want to go because if at least you ain't making mistakes and you ain't trying so get up today and realize as long as you ain't dead god ain't done
• 58:40
  Why not you? You got to get up. Go get that book. And usually I spend the whole time talking about books, but I wanted to get to know you, and this did not disappoint. We'll have you back next year. We'll go through whatever book you write next year.
• 58:57
  It is so good. Let me remind everybody, please rate and share this podcast. Also, I do my best to respond on all the comments on all social platforms. So if you want to see more of something or less of something, leave a comment. Each and every episode is sponsored by National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Visit TrustNTM.com for more information. Until next week, be harder than life.
• 59:22
  Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.