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When a highly sensitive man wonders how he got here... (INFJ / INFP) · Lightbearer's Library

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello dear soul and welcome to the Light Bears Library.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder if you've ever felt this internal sense of drifting.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think that it looks like drifting on the outside necessarily.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we can be r responsible and do your work, pay your bills, look after your family, do what needs to be done.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: But on the inside, perhaps when you get to your forties, fifties, sixties, it can feel like something inside of you starts to question if your life is where you wanted it to go.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or if it kind of just drifted to where you where you are, to that place of feeling like I don't know what it is that I want with my life, what I want my life to look like.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Did I choose to have the life that I have?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Did I want to end up here?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that can maybe stir up a bunch of things inside of us that are are maybe kind of uncomfortable.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because, you know, we we we can realize that we were maybe responding to life, responding to the people around us, responding to the needs of our of our work, and but we weren't actually consciously choosing our life and how how it's going.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: We weren't directing it, you know.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: So it it can feel like you know, if we we each have a a boat that we're in, that the boat has spent a lifetime just drifting along the currents, and you know, the wheel hasn't really necessarily been in your hands.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a time where maybe you you realize that it's like, is this like how did I get here?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the question is how where, you know, is this it?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Is this is this what my life was leading to?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: This place where I'm at in this boat on this ocean.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe it's misty, you can't quite see very far.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, how did I end up here?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't remember, I don't remember even setting out here.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a a reflective, past focused looking almost.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we spoke in a in a in a video, the late Blooming Men video recently, where it was more about the future, you know, this this future focused thing about where we were heading, and maybe we haven't gotten there, but this is a more reflective going, how did uh how did I steer or not steer my boat to be here in this misty place where it's like um and there's this this perhaps slow awakening or a sudden awakening, depending on on circumstances.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's maybe there's shocks that have happened in your life.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: I know that when people in our lives die, there can be a moment of of really coming to and being present with our own life and our own sense of mortality and looking at the time we have left and going, what what is it, where do I want to steer my life?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to just, you know, um, and it's not necessarily towards an accomplishment, perhaps, you know.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it at this point in life, maybe maybe it's not about accomplishing some big goal or some big dream, although that might be it.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: We might wake up and one be like, I had this dream when I was 21 of doing this thing, and you know, I'm gonna maybe shift things to get there, but can just even be deciding to be a bit more conscious about what we're where we're where we're choosing to go, what we're choosing to engage with in life.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's so yeah, we were talking about like it could be a slow awakening or there could be a a sudden shock of of something traumatic that happens, you know, perhaps even losing a job and going, oh, well, now what?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now where am I gonna like all of a sudden, all of a sudden it's like we realize we have we have this this steering wheel in our hands of this boat.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, like I actually can steer this thing, and where I don't know where I want to go.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Where do where is it that I want to go?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And and realizing maybe that we're so far away from we've drifted so far away from parts of ourselves that were so integral to who we thought we were, maybe in our younger years.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um because again, we're we were responding to responsibilities, to family, to work.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so realizing that maybe over time with the with the drifting, there was a bit of self-abandonment that happened, of of leaving behind parts of ourselves that were important to us, or important dreams, or important, even um hobbies could be, you know, that music was really important, like human, human things, human things that were meaningful practices to our creativity and our well-being as as as intuitives, as feelers, as wanting to remain human.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's so important in this world that we look around at, and it just is starting to feel so inhuman in lots of ways.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe wanting to take the steering wheel and reclaim parts of our of our humanity.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to take a moment to say if the Light Bears Library is somewhere that has become a meaningful place to you, and you'd like to support me in continuing to create these journal entries, then please consider contributing financially.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Any amount, no matter how small, is really meaningful to my husband and me.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: And um thank you.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for for considering that.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I think we can end up having been so focused on the external world of of people and and places like and our work and everything kind of is external.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And when we turn inwards, it it can feel maybe you've lost touch with that internal internal voice, internal compass, internal guidance system, and that's why it feels like sometimes it's in a fog, right?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're drifting in our boat in a fog.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's we can become so used to the the supposed to and the responsible for and the the the what's what's reasonable that it it it it's it's it's like well we we're not used to answering the question, what is it that I I want?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like where do I want to go?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: How learning to recognize ourselves again.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that there can be this sense of maybe disorientation.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that's something that you feel being disoriented all of a sudden in this fog, realizing you're in this boat and you have you have a steering wheel to go somewhere.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean like, I don't even know where I would go if like I don't know where I would go.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps a sense of emptiness because we haven't spent so much time on the on the inside building up our our our our human treasures of of creative human expression.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's what it is that the the creative expression is something that that fills us.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that's something that you feel, but I know that when I am not being creative, feels a lot more empty.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then yeah, there's this this sort of moment of of awakening, of waking up to to where you're at in life.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, we can become familiar with responding, but not familiar, not so familiar with choosing.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the thing is is about learning to or starting to begin listening to the inner voice, whatever that might look for you.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I know this can feel, you know, my husband has the last number of years, it's just been a deconstruction of his entire identity and his entire sense of self and where he's going.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, he used to have a firm grasp on where he was guiding his boat and driving his boat.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, he's in a sense a place also trying to find find that voice within that is in the now.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: What is what is his 40, 47-year-old, I think is I lose track of of dates like that, but what is his 47-year-old self wanting to go now?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like what is what it what's inside now as opposed to, you know, he was he was steering and driving his boat towards a vision and a goal and a that his younger self had set, you know, his 20, 20-year-old self or 18-year-old self.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and and it changed over time, but I think I think he's in this place of not knowing as well.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a place of also trusting.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Trusting that there will be there will be a time when there's a shift, when there's a knowing that arises from within.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I know Light Bear's Library has been my own light in the darkness, that it's you know, the name Light Bears Library came to me, and and we've been on this journey of seeing where we're fall how following that can lead us somewhere.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then you all turned up and and now I still don't quite know where we're going, but it's we're on a journey.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for being here on on this journey with me.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I would love to hear in the comments from you about your own journey, you know, what what parts of this exploration today has has is rang true for you?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And what has been your experience of life thus far?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you've already gone through it, maybe you've gotten clear on you know the the fog, foggy time, and maybe you're in your 60s or 70s or 80s and and you you made it through that foggy patch.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And how did you how did you get through that?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And leaving leaving messages for your your younger self, which are us here.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I love the community that we're building here.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking of community, I will probably be going live Friday night, Friday evening.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: That was so much fun last week.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: So um be on the lookout for that.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: And otherwise, we will do the regular Sunday live where we just it's just a wonderful place to be together, to talk about meaningful things and and fun things and lighthearted things, to have some laughs and just all of the human emotions.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love it if you would join me.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've really been enjoying those.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for being here in the Light Bearers Library and wishing you so many blessings.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Signing off for today, XOXO Kate.