Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Use Their First 90 Days to Build Trust
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've just been promoted to manager — congratulations are done, the LinkedIn post is live, and now you have to actually lead the people who used to be your teammates. The first 90 days can make or break that transition. Luna: Right — and there's a ton of advice out there, but we wanted to get specific today. What is the single most important thing a new manager should focus on in that first quarter? Lucas: I'd argue it's trust. Not authority, not proving you're smart — trust. And there's a really concrete way to build it quickly. Let me walk through what I've seen work, using a case from a product manager at a mid-size SaaS company. Luna: Love a real example. What did she do? Lucas: She started her first week by scheduling thirty-minute 'listening tours' with each of her seven direct reports. No agenda from her side — just three questions: What's working well on the team? What's one thing you'd change if you could? And what do you need from me as your manager? Luna: That's almost uncomfortably simple. But I can see how it signals that her priority is understanding them, not telling them what to do. Lucas: Exactly. The key is that she didn't just collect the answers. Within the first month, she picked one suggestion from each person and implemented it publicly. One person said the daily standup was too long — she cut it to fifteen minutes. Another wanted clearer sprint goals — she started writing them on a whiteboard. Small, visible actions. Luna: That's the trust-building loop: listen, act, communicate. But I imagine some new managers worry that if they act on every suggestion, they'll look weak or indecisive. Lucas: That's a real fear, and it comes from this old-school idea that a manager needs to be the authority figure. But in modern knowledge work, trust comes from showing you're responsive, not all-knowing. Listeners should know this: you don't have to implement every idea. You just have to take one from each person and make it visible. Luna: And what if someone's suggestion is just not a good idea? How do you handle that without losing trust? Lucas: You say something like, 'I hear you on that, and I can see why it would help. I want to dig into it a bit more before we commit.' Then follow up later with a clear explanation of why you decided not to go that route. That transparency actually builds more trust than pretending you agreed. Luna: So it's less about always saying yes and more about showing that you took their input seriously. I think a lot of new managers fall into the trap of trying to prove their competence by jumping in and solving problems. Lucas: Exactly. And that's a huge mistake. Your job is no longer to be the best individual contributor — it's to make your team more effective. That means shifting from 'I know the answer' to 'Let's figure this out together.' The product manager I mentioned — she told me that her biggest struggle was not jumping in to solve the technical debates herself. Luna: Because she used to be the senior engineer on that team. So everyone expected her to have the answer. Lucas: Right. She had to learn to hold back and say, 'I have some thoughts, but I want to hear what the team thinks first.' She would literally put her hands under the table during meetings to stop herself from interrupting. Luna: That's a great mental trick. But what about the first 30 days specifically — beyond listening tours, what else should a new manager prioritize? Lucas: I'd say setting up a rhythm. One-on-ones every week, thirty minutes, no cancellation. Team meetings with a clear structure. And a simple way for the team to see what everyone is working on. It sounds basic, but when you're new, the team is watching for consistency. Luna: Inconsistency is a trust-killer. If you cancel one-on-ones, or change meeting formats every week, people start to wonder if you know what you're doing. Lucas: Exactly. And there's another element: managing your relationship with your own manager. If you're constantly stressed about what your boss thinks, that anxiety trickles down. So part of building trust with your team is being a buffer, not a conduit for pressure. Luna: Can you give an example of what that looks like in practice? Lucas: Sure. Let's say your VP asks for a project update by end of day. Instead of forwarding that email to your team with 'please send status,' you take ten minutes to compile what you already know, identify the gaps, and then ask your team for specific pieces. You're absorbing the urgency and translating it into something manageable. Luna: So you're protecting them from the noise of your own reporting chain. That builds trust because they feel safe and not micromanaged. Lucas: Right. And in the first 90 days, you also have to address the elephant in the room: the fact that you used to be a peer. If you pretend nothing has changed, people won't take you seriously. If you act like a boss overnight, you'll alienate everyone. Luna: So how do you find that balance? I know some listeners are in that exact spot right now. Lucas: You acknowledge it directly. In your first team meeting, say something like, 'I know this is a shift for all of us. My goal is to support you, and I'm going to be learning as I go. I'll make mistakes, and I want you to call me out when I do.' That honesty disarms the tension. Luna: And it signals that you're not going to pretend to be perfect. That's a huge trust signal. Lucas: Then you have to follow through. When you inevitably mess up — maybe you forget to include someone in a decision — you admit it publicly. 'I dropped the ball on this. Here's what I'll do differently.' That's where trust gets cemented. Luna: I want to circle back to the first 30-day listening tour idea. How structured should those conversations be? Should you take notes? Send a summary? Lucas: Take notes — but tell the person you're taking notes so they don't get nervous. And I'd send a brief follow-up email after each one: 'Thanks for the conversation. I heard X and Y. I'm planning to act on Z.' That closes the loop and shows you were paying attention. Luna: That's also great documentation for your own reference. Six months later you can look back and see how far you've come. Lucas: Exactly. And it helps you spot patterns. If three people independently mention the same problem, that's a priority. The other thing I'd emphasize: in the first 90 days, don't try to change everything. Pick two or three high-impact changes and do them well. Overhauling the entire workflow creates chaos, not trust. Luna: So pace yourself. I remember a study that said it takes about three to six months for a new manager's team to fully adjust. So the first quarter is really about laying the foundation. Lucas: Exactly. And part of that foundation is understanding each person's motivations. Not everyone wants the same thing. Some want growth, some want stability, some want flexibility. If you treat everyone the same, you miss the mark. Luna: How do you uncover that without it feeling like an interrogation? Can you just ask 'What motivates you?' Lucas: You can, but I like a more indirect approach. Ask about their favorite project ever — why was it great? Ask what they'd like to be doing more of in six months. Ask what kind of recognition matters most to them. That gives you the real picture. Luna: And then you can tailor your coaching. One person might love public praise, another might prefer a quiet 'good job' and a day off. Lucas: Right. And that kind of personalized attention builds tremendous trust. It shows you see them as individuals, not just resources. Luna: Okay, so let's say you've done all this for 60 days. You've listened, you've acted, you've built some trust. What's the focus for days 60 to 90? Lucas: Now you start shifting from building relationships to setting direction. You can introduce a team vision or a set of goals that incorporates the input you've gathered. You can start delegating more meaningfully because you know people's strengths. And you can hold people accountable — but because you've built trust, that accountability feels supportive, not punitive. Luna: That's the sweet spot. The team trusts you, so when you give feedback, they know it comes from a good place. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the whole point of the first 90 days. It's not about proving you're the smartest person in the room. It's about proving you're the person who will make the room work better. Luna: That's a great line. And I think the product manager example really illustrates it. She didn't come in with a grand plan. She came in with curiosity and a willingness to act. Lucas: And that's what the best new managers do. They listen first, act visibly, and build trust one small commitment at a time. Luna: If today's episode gave you a concrete idea or a new way to think about your first quarter as a manager, that's exactly what we're here for. Lucas: And we keep the show ad-free because listeners like you support it. If you found value in this, you can help at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Even a small contribution goes a long way in keeping these conversations going. We really appreciate it. Lucas: Alright — so to wrap up: your first 90 days are about building trust through listening, acting on what you hear, and being transparent about your own learning curve. Do that well, and the rest gets a lot easier. Luna: And if you have a story about your own first 90 days — or a question for a future episode — reach out. We'd love to hear from you. Lucas: Next time, we'll talk about how to handle your first performance review as a new manager. It's a whole different ballgame when you're the one delivering the review, not receiving it.