Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Was all of it a lie with a narcissist

Transcript

Was all of it a lie with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:04
  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee have me
• 0:07
  better known as mental illness across all social media
• 0:10
  platforms. This is the first time I see my
• 0:11
  face or hear my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
• 0:14
  narcissist and I use my platform all over social media to raise
• 0:17
  the word for NPD, get more people into therapy and also
• 0:20
  validate the victim, survivors and thrivers of said disorder,
• 0:23
  said toxic people said toxic rates.
• 0:25
  Today's episode is going to be answering the question, was it
• 0:29
  all a lie with the narcissist, intoxic person or you know, was
• 0:33
  it all a lie? Was it a lie?
• 0:35
  You know, was all of it fake? Was it a was it a game from the
• 0:39
  beginning that they did you mean nothing to that narcissistic
• 0:42
  person? So before you happen today's
• 0:46
  episode, y'all make sure y'all check out the self love journal
• 0:49
  on Amazon. Lee Hammock.
• 0:50
  I love me helping people rebuild their self love on Amazon.
• 0:54
  But yes, y'all Yep Yep Yep. Was it.
• 0:56
  So was it all a lie? So me personally, y'all this
• 1:00
  again. Y'all this is my this is my
• 1:02
  personal perspective on this right here.
• 1:04
  Y'all my personal perspective on this, whether or not it was all
• 1:09
  a lie and whatnot. And y'all know I don't cut the
• 1:11
  video. I had to that someone was
• 1:13
  hitting me right through the side of the face.
• 1:16
  So me personally, I don't believe there was all a lot from
• 1:19
  the beginning. And yes, I have narcissistic
• 1:21
  personality disorder, personality disorder.
• 1:24
  I I have narcissistic personality disorder.
• 1:27
  But that doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about.
• 1:28
  Y'all that doesn't mean. I don't think that doesn't mean
• 1:31
  I'm just misguided on this on this thing right here.
• 1:34
  This is what me just telling you.
• 1:36
  Like personally being in relationships as a narcissist
• 1:41
  myself in the beginning is when I think it's the realest for me.
• 1:46
  From my perspective in the beginning, that honeymoon stage,
• 1:50
  that love bombing stage and what not, that is to me.
• 1:53
  I love that person. I care about that person.
• 1:56
  That person is my person. But but, but but there's always
• 2:01
  a big old but not every single narcissistic person thinks this
• 2:05
  way. Some narcissists are absolutely
• 2:07
  out to manipulation. Some people is not real with
• 2:09
  them, but a lot of narcissists think that they love you during
• 2:13
  this stage and they treat you as such.
• 2:15
  When I love. So that's the crazy thing about
• 2:17
  it. When I feel good about myself,
• 2:18
  when a narcissist is feeling good about themselves, they
• 2:21
  treat you good. When a narcissistic person is
• 2:24
  feeling good about themselves, they treat you, but they treat
• 2:27
  you better. When a narcissistic person is
• 2:29
  feeling bad about themselves, they start treating you.
• 2:31
  They start treating you badly. You see what I'm saying?
• 2:33
  You see the the dynamic of how that goes.
• 2:35
  Like if I'm feeling good about myself, I treat you well.
• 2:39
  That's part of that space that a lot of people fall into.
• 2:42
  So in the beginning, I care about you.
• 2:45
  So I'm trying to get you to fall for me because I want, I've
• 2:48
  fallen for you. I'm trying to get you to fall
• 2:50
  for me, right. So I'm trying to get you to love
• 2:53
  me. I'm trying to get you to care
• 2:54
  about me as much as I love and care about you.
• 2:56
  So I don't think it's all a lie in the beginning.
• 2:58
  It's more the truth. You know, this is the crazy part
• 3:01
  about, let me say this. Some narcissists will lie to you
• 3:03
  in the beginning to get you to fall for them.
• 3:06
  I will openly admit that some of them will not be.
• 3:09
  Some of them will not be honest, will not honestly be who they
• 3:13
  really are to try to get you to fall for them.
• 3:16
  And I know people just like this disqualifies.
• 3:18
  It automatically makes it fake. No, they lie to you because they
• 3:21
  they care. But they want you.
• 3:23
  You know what I'm saying? They lie to you because they
• 3:24
  want you to feel the same way about them, that they feel about
• 3:27
  you. Yeah, The lying is bad.
• 3:29
  Yes, it is. It's absolutely bad.
• 3:31
  Because when you find out the truth about this person, you,
• 3:34
  you know it just it's hard for you to reveal yourself and
• 3:36
  things like in this situation right there.
• 3:38
  So when you find out the truth is hard and whatnot.
• 3:41
  But the narcissistic person, once they start being true and
• 3:44
  they start looking at you differently, that's when it
• 3:46
  becomes toxic. That's when the toxicity starts
• 3:49
  to fall into the relationship space.
• 3:50
  That's when they start treating you badly.
• 3:52
  That's when they start feeling a certain type of way about you.
• 3:54
  You know what I'm saying? That's when all of this starts
• 3:56
  to transpire. You get a narcissistic person
• 3:59
  who does all of this stuff and they treat you a certain type of
• 4:02
  way. Like they in the beginning, they
• 4:03
  treat you good because they care about they want you y'all.
• 4:06
  But as the relationship progresses and they don't see
• 4:09
  you the same anymore, they don't treat you good anymore.
• 4:12
  So me personally, in the beginning, I don't think it was
• 4:14
  all a lie. That's just my perspective on
• 4:16
  the I just don't think it was all a lie because not in no
• 4:20
  relationship. So it's like I said, it's
• 4:22
  different for everybody. So for a lot of people you're
• 4:25
  going to disagree with me and that it's 100% fine.
• 4:27
  Y'all, y'all. I am open to being disagreed
• 4:30
  with. I am open to being wrong.
• 4:32
  I've been in therapy for six years, you know, I've been in
• 4:34
  therapy for six whole years, you know?
• 4:39
  So with me being in therapy for six years, I I can take a
• 4:42
  disagreement. It's the disrespect, it's the
• 4:44
  disrespect they got. And they kind of get me the
• 4:46
  disagreements I'm fine with, though.
• 4:48
  So if you're dealing with a narcissist, toxic person,
• 4:50
  whoever, just understand that this is part of it.
• 4:53
  Y'all, this is part of what you're going to be dealing with.
• 4:55
  Like that person, the narcissistic person that talks a
• 4:57
  person, they're going to treat you in some type of way because
• 4:59
  they feel they they're going to project externally how they feel
• 5:04
  internally. So I'm feeling good inside.
• 5:06
  I'm going to treat you good outside.
• 5:08
  You see what I'm saying and I'm feeling good.
• 5:09
  I'm going to treat you good. That's why a lot of times when
• 5:12
  you were talking to somebody about your relationship with a
• 5:15
  narcissist, narcissistic person, whatever you're going to say,
• 5:19
  the term or the phrase, it wasn't always bad.
• 5:22
  It used to be good things have changed.
• 5:23
  You're going to start out, it's almost inevitable for you not to
• 5:27
  say something like that. It's almost inevitable, like.
• 5:30
  And it makes. Yeah.
• 5:31
  And it makes absolute sense that you're going to say stuff like
• 5:34
  that, that you're going to talk about stuff like that.
• 5:35
  It just makes sense. That's why I just tell people
• 5:38
  you out. It's not like it has way less to
• 5:40
  do with you than you think it does.
• 5:42
  You know what I mean? It just, it's just one of those
• 5:44
  things. It has way less to do with you.
• 5:45
  Do you think, like once they start to see you have flaws,
• 5:50
  that's when they start treating you badly?
• 5:52
  And everybody has flaws? Y'all.
• 5:53
  Nobody's perfect. Like, this is not me trying to
• 5:56
  chastise anybody. Everybody has flaws.
• 5:59
  But that narcissistic person in the beginning is trying to get
• 6:02
  you to fall for them because they fell for you.
• 6:04
  In my perspective, a lot of them are not all of them.
• 6:07
  Some of them are insidious and just want some cheeks, or they
• 6:10
  just want you to put it out. They want you to clap the
• 6:11
  cheeks, whatever, whatever the situation may be.
• 6:14
  But not all of them are out to just be devious devils and
• 6:17
  whatnot. And it's hard to.
• 6:18
  And I know those people are going to disagree with me.
• 6:21
  And the main disagreement is what people want to just say.
• 6:22
  It was never real, that you're giving people false hope.
• 6:25
  No, this this is not to give people false hope to go back
• 6:28
  into a tax relationship. And y'all know, I always say if
• 6:30
  you're looking for a sign they go back into a tax relationship,
• 6:33
  this ain't this ain't that sign. This is not the sign you're
• 6:35
  looking for. I I always say that, but this is
• 6:38
  what I am saying. They're like for a little while
• 6:41
  you might have meant something to that person, but there's not
• 6:43
  an excuse to go back. Don't let what Lee tell the
• 6:45
  people to go back. Hell no, I'm not you.
• 6:47
  I know. I'm not trying to tell people to
• 6:48
  go back into a toxic relationship where you getting
• 6:50
  where you were getting treated horribly with a person who
• 6:52
  hasn't changed their behaviors at all is not putting in any
• 6:55
  type of work. No.
• 6:56
  Hell no. That's not what I'm saying at
• 6:58
  all, you know. But this is the because a lot of
• 7:01
  people, one of the main things when I'm talking to survivors of
• 7:04
  narcissistic abuse, toxic abuse, what and what not, and I've
• 7:07
  talked to thousands over the last few years, one of the main
• 7:09
  things that I hear is that they want to matter.
• 7:12
  This is one of the main messages.
• 7:13
  They want to know that they mattered a little bit.
• 7:15
  You know, a lot of people want to know that they matter to this
• 7:19
  person, to to somebody. Like you didn't waste X amount
• 7:22
  of your time and it and some people just like, no, you wasted
• 7:25
  all your time. It was a waste of time.
• 7:26
  Get over it. He'll heal faster.
• 7:29
  Just know that you never meant anything to them.
• 7:31
  That's hard. Y'all know Narciss have a lack
• 7:34
  of empathy, right? Lack.
• 7:36
  That means lack. That doesn't mean zero.
• 7:38
  I I still have empathy. So it's just like me looking me
• 7:41
  looking over Zoom and looking at a survivor or whatever it has
• 7:44
  been with somebody for 30 years. It's just, hey, look, I know you
• 7:47
  had 30. I know you have 30 years of this
• 7:48
  person. I know you don't travel the
• 7:50
  world. I know you're out.
• 7:52
  I know y'all been kids and grandkids.
• 7:56
  I know all of that. But it was all fake.
• 7:58
  Your whole life was wasted 30 years.
• 8:01
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have enough everything to just
• 8:03
  say, look, I don't think it was all fake, but I say I tell
• 8:07
  people it was real or in the beginning.
• 8:08
  It's it's the most real in the beginning.
• 8:10
  That's why so many people try to get back to the beginning.
• 8:12
  So I don't think it was all a lie.
• 8:14
  I don't think it was all distrusted and misguided from
• 8:18
  the beginning. I don't think it was all
• 8:19
  manipulation from the beginning with a lot of narcissistic
• 8:21
  people. But again, y'all this is not me
• 8:23
  telling y'all. Also, it was true.
• 8:25
  It was true in the beginning. So maybe I can go back to that
• 8:28
  and get it back to the beginning.
• 8:29
  You would never go back to the beginning.
• 8:31
  Let me be frank with y'all. Let me keep it hot and ready.
• 8:33
  Like a Little Caesars pizza somebody and whoever put that,
• 8:37
  whoever put that that GIF or Jeff, what do you got?
• 8:39
  Like whoever put that picture on Facebook about the hot and ready
• 8:42
  Little Caesars pizza. No, it's on Twitter.
• 8:44
  It's on Twitter. Whoever put it on Twitter shout
• 8:46
  out to you for putting it on Twitter.
• 8:47
  Somebody put the hot and ready like little little GIF of Jeff,
• 8:50
  What do you got? Like, they put that in the
• 8:51
  comics so about Twitter and it's like keep it hot and ready.
• 8:53
  I was like supporters that's about who watches.
• 8:58
  But I appreciate y'all that if you know, appreciate that.
• 9:01
  But I have to keep it high and ready with y'all like that.
• 9:03
  Y'all I'm just like look it wasn't it was the best at the
• 9:06
  beginning. It was the realest at the
• 9:07
  beginning. I don't think you wasted time
• 9:10
  but this is when I think this is when I think you all wasting
• 9:13
  time with the Narcisse and I'll. I'll make a longer video about
• 9:16
  this right here. I think you were wasting time
• 9:19
  with them. When they've shown you who they
• 9:20
  really are. Once they've shown you who they
• 9:23
  really are and told you that they're not going to change
• 9:25
  their behaviors and then you have to put, you have to put up
• 9:27
  with it. And then you go back and you put
• 9:30
  up with it, that's when I think you're wasting time.
• 9:31
  That's when it. That's when it shifts to wasting
• 9:34
  your time because that's who you have to deal with.
• 9:36
  You know what I'm saying? Then I think when they tell you
• 9:37
  who they are, that's when I think.
• 9:39
  That's when I think it shifts into the time wasting space.
• 9:43
  You know what I mean? And that's again y'all y'all
• 9:44
  know. I'm not trying to hurt nobody's
• 9:45
  feeling y'all know That's not my goal.
• 9:46
  My goal here is not to not hurt people's feelings.
• 9:49
  My goal is to try to wake people up.
• 9:50
  So it was the real, it was realist in the beginning.
• 9:52
  Yeah, they lied. They might have lied to you in
• 9:54
  the beginning about certain things.
• 9:56
  They might have dissuaded you or, you know, you know, tricked
• 9:59
  you. Do you use some, what do you
• 10:01
  call it? Use some sleight of hand to get
• 10:04
  you to fall for them. But a lot of them cared about
• 10:06
  you that. I'm just saying that a lot of
• 10:08
  them at least thought they cared about you.
• 10:10
  Yeah. And they just like you're not.
• 10:11
  And a lot of narcissists don't think that you're going to like
• 10:13
  the real version of them. They don't think you're going to
• 10:16
  like the real them. So they pretend to be somebody
• 10:18
  else. You mean they pretend to be
• 10:20
  somebody else? They take on other people's
• 10:22
  personality characteristics and personality traits because they
• 10:24
  don't think you're going to like the real them.
• 10:26
  And I do a longer video on that as well, but they don't think
• 10:28
  you're going to like the real version of them.
• 10:30
  So they become who they feel like they need to be to get you
• 10:33
  to fall for them. They they feel like they become
• 10:35
  whoever they need to be to get you, to be in love with them to
• 10:39
  get you to fall for them. They they they become whoever
• 10:41
  they need to be. You doing just in that space.
• 10:44
  And that's why I tell people y'all this is the dynamic.
• 10:46
  This is the part of the thing that you have to do is that
• 10:49
  narcissist the people. You got to realize I don't.
• 10:51
  Once again, I don't think it was all faith for the beginning.
• 10:53
  A lot of people are going to disagree with me and just tell
• 10:55
  me this video is disingenuous and going to is hurtful and
• 10:57
  whatnot. This is not my intent, you know,
• 11:00
  my impact is going to be different with everybody.
• 11:03
  My my main impact that I'm trying to achieve here is to
• 11:06
  show you that like, you might not have wasted time with a
• 11:07
  person. Like, you might have meant
• 11:09
  something to this person, but but that does not mean that you
• 11:13
  need to go back into that relationship.
• 11:14
  That does not mean you didn't need to get this person another
• 11:16
  chance. Because I don't think it was all
• 11:18
  lies. Doesn't mean that you needed
• 11:20
  because I don't think it was all lies means like, I don't think
• 11:23
  it was all a lie means that some of it could have been a lie.
• 11:26
  You see what I'm saying? None of the if I would have said
• 11:28
  none of it was a lie is different than me saying I don't
• 11:31
  think all of it was a lie. You see what I'm saying?
• 11:33
  None of it was a lie. I mean, they were truthful from
• 11:34
  the beginning. They were actually who they were
• 11:36
  and things. Yeah, some of it was lies.
• 11:39
  So I told you in the beginning, some people will lie to you to
• 11:41
  get you to fall for them because they like you.
• 11:43
  They don't think you're going to like the real version of
• 11:45
  themselves, you mean? Anyways, y'all my kids book is
• 11:49
  coming out this week right here. It's called Remember, It's Not
• 11:53
  Your Fault. The proofs are in the on the way
• 11:56
  right now. This book is dedicated to
• 11:59
  helping children and in toxic households, toxic homes that are
• 12:03
  raised around abuse and lack, and to teach children that you
• 12:08
  cannot control your you cannot control the circumstances that
• 12:12
  you were born into. Remember, it's not your fault,
• 12:15
  you know what I'm saying? Because a lot of people as
• 12:17
  children to internalize the blame of what they went through
• 12:21
  as a kid, they do. So it's got Remember, it's not
• 12:24
  your fault. It will be available on Amazon
• 12:27
  this week. Make sure y'all join my
• 12:29
  newsletter on my e-mail list and I'll send out an e-mail blast
• 12:32
  letting everybody know just Halo, the book is out on Amazon
• 12:35
  and whatnot. Support the book.
• 12:37
  Read it for your kids. Read it for yourself.
• 12:39
  You know it's me and my wife partnered on me else.
• 12:41
  Anyways, y'all like to subscribe and this is that please.
• 12:45
  Thanks for making it to the end of my video.
• 12:46
  Y'all. If you haven't already, check
• 12:48
  out joining the channel memberships from behind the
• 12:50
  scenes, perks, priority responses to the comments, and a
• 12:53
  few other things. Link to the description of every
• 12:55
  single video I do. Thank you so much.