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Claim Your Time: The Diva's Guide to Discipline, Boundaries & Breakthroughs · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva Detail. Welcome to the Diva
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Detail, where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention,
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we keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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No filters, no limits, just fearless conversations
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to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva
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Hello, beautiful people. So today we're
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going to talk a little bit more about discipline, but kind of more time management
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around it. And one of the things that you do as you get more
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and more disciplined is you realize your time is so valuable.
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You tend to let things go that don't get you towards your dreams and
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towards your goal. A plan needs protection. So when you decide this
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is going to be me, who I am, and you develop who your vision is,
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you're going to realize that you're going to have to change so much about your
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life. Other people may want things. Interruptions are responsibilities
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and you have to take care of them, especially if you have children. Children's needs
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matter, but so do yours. If someone's ill, sometimes you have to drop everything and
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take care of them. A work issue can be urgent, but remember your
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discipline towards your goals and what you're looking for.
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Sometimes there may be something at work that has to happen right away and it
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requires attention. But the one thing I would recommend
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with your discipline, anything that has to get done, you do it first thing in
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the morning so it never slips. That's why people that work out first
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thing in the morning tend to be more likely to hit their workouts. It is
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useful to distinguish situations though from constant small requests
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you accept automatically just to get things done. Stop saying yes
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to everything and learn to say no more. Discipline requires you
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to say no to the things that don't get you towards your dreams and
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towards your goals. If you reserve time for
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a goal, practice a straightforward response to it. I can't do that at
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6 because I'm booked until 7. You don't have
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to explain why, but you do have to make room for commitment
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to make sure that you get the things done you need to get done this
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week. You don't have to turn every scheduling decision into a defense
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of your right to have a life, but you do need to have your boundaries
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around your schedule. It may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if
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you've taught people that you're always available. I will tell you that I've had people
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that just expect me to be available because I work at home.
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That doesn't mean that I have free time all the time. Give them clear information
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and let them know what you're going to be doing and be consistent. People should
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be able to book you in advance. Sometimes people around you need time to learn
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that your plans count too and your schedule matters.
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Sometimes you need to learn it first and make sure that you hold
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firm and don't allow people to take over. Attention also
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needs a boundary. You, you can sit at your desk for an hour and barely
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touch the work if you're checking messages or scrolling through social media.
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Consider what deserves access to your time during the particular session,
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and you need to leave a way for genuine emergencies to reach you,
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but you still have to give what you're focused on a fair chance.
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The same principle applies to emotional distractions.
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You do not need to dwell on the past. In order to be present,
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you have to let go of the past and not be fearful of the
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future and focus on the here and now. You do not have to solve your
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entire emotional life before completing one useful task.
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But remember, when you start drifting to the past or become fearful
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of the future, you're distracting from your now, which gets you to a better
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future. You might say to yourself that I'm hurt, I'm still thinking about
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something, or something bothered me, or maybe a coworker said something
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20 minutes ago that set you off. I understand
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that, but you need to work on what you planned and you need to be
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able to turn that off and focus on what you're doing. You can return to
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the feeling with care later. Giving it attention doesn't require giving it your whole
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day. And be honest about distractions too.
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Don't treat everything as— every distraction as an activity that has to
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get solved or a problem that you have to fix. An afternoon with a friend
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can be a good use of time sometimes, but so can reading a novel or
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going outside and getting some sun.
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Leisure time is valuable because it helps
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your nervous system settle. What deserves examination is the activity you keep
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failing, the one that leaves you frustrated afterwards, the one
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you keep saying you're going to do but never do, but it's going to be
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the biggest impact on your life. You intend to spend 10 minutes
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online and stayed for an hour, or you intended to answer a message and entered
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a conversation you didn't want to have. Notice that those, those 10
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minutes turns into hours. The pattern, it changes the conditions
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around you. So if you're having difficulty with online communication and you keep finding
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yourself that you spend way too much time, do what I did and just set
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time limits. Set time limits on your social media to 30 minutes a day.
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Honestly, do you really need more than 30 minutes a day on social media or
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maybe an hour? Unless it's your primary way of making money,
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do you need to? And honestly, if you are on social media
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and it's primary, you could always do it on your computer. For some reason,
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the phone has more of an addictive a way of pulling people
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in and doom scrolling. The other thing is, is do
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you really need to spend so much time on email? AI is allowing us to
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really cycle through emails. You might be able to get a tool that helps you
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cycle through your email. What deserves examination in
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your life is the activity you keep failing at. So don't fail
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at the stuff that's important to you for stuff that's not important.
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And sometimes we make the unimportant so important that we forget to live
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with the stuff that we really wanna get to. Your time reflects both your
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choices and your obligations. Look for the part you can influence.
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And the little mundane tasks are the ones you have the most influence over.
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You may find a large opening or you may find a small one. Use the
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time wisely because you don't get today back. A boundary that protects a
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modest amount of time or a commitment can help you make room for something you've
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been saying matters for years. And the only way to get
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dialed in, the only way to change your life is to go all
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in. And you need to go all in on what you say you're gonna do
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and not let other little things get in the way. Although sooner or later
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you're gonna have a difficult day and you're gonna miss something. You'll forget, you'll get
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distracted, or you'll face a situation that changes the day. The useful question is,
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what do you do next? One missed session gives you information about
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one session. You don't need to turn it into a conclusion about your entire
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character. I missed what I planned. It's, it is accurate, but don't
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tell yourself you never follow through on anything. May— maybe a familiar sentence
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is, I need to get back on it. But if you usually tell yourself
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little about how to proceed, sometimes it slows you down to
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get back on it. So let's think about this. So if you've, if you missed
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one day, it's okay. I've had people though that miss one day when
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they're on a diet and they don't want to start until the following week because
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they didn't get started on the day they wanted. Start tomorrow. If you messed up
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one day, get back on the horse as quickly as you can, as they say.
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The sooner you can, the sooner you start your journey again, the sooner the ride
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continues, if you will. If you keep missing a day or missing
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a situation where you didn't complete a task and you stop,
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all you're doing is taking more time and energy to restart later.
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If you're confused, get the information you need in order to get the task
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moving. Look at what happened. Did you forget because the task has no
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clear place or plan in your day? Did you understand
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ultimately how long another responsibility would take?
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Sometimes it's just breaking up other responsibilities and sometimes the
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assignment confuses you and some people get procrastination reaction
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when they're confused because it creates a little bit of Did you easily get distracted
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or even though you had time? Some people do get distracted. Again, we go back
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to limiting computer time or limiting access to things.
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Some people say delete the app that you're using the most. That's the
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most time suck that gives you the least value. So if you're on Instagram
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and Instagram is giving you nothing, why are you dedicating 30% of your
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life to Instagram when you're not making
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any money or you're hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt?
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That seems like a bad use of time. If the time never existed,
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change your schedule. If you avoid the work, admit that plainly
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and make the next step even easier to begin. You can take
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responsibility without insulting yourself. An insult doesn't improve the
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plan. Return at the next reasonable opportunity though.
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You don't need to wait for a week or a month or a special birthday
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or New Year's Eve. Sometimes Monday turns into Thursday
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or Friday by the time you get back to it, and that's not acceptable for
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you. Again, you've got to honor your word, your Integrity matters.
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If you say you're going to do something, you should be doing it. You're the
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only person that can hold yourself accountable, and accountability seems
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to be lacking lately in our civilization. Returning matters
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because an interrupted plan can still be very useful. If you plan
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3 writing sessions and you completed 2, those 2 sessions happened,
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and then work may have gotten in the way, but maybe you can make it
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up. Sometimes you can do 2 sessions in 1 day. Acknowledge that
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missed commitments. Don't erase the progress because the week wasn't perfect.
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And Set aside a short review once a week. Look at what you said you
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were going to do and you actually did and document that.
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Journaling helps as well. If you can journal what you've actually accomplished, it does
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make you feel better about what you have done. Then ask what adjustments need
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to be made for next week and reevaluate. You're constantly reevaluating
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what went well and what didn't. And keep the answers so you can track back
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because what will happen is over time, especially if you journal, is if you document
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everything you got done this week and then next week you get more done and
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you'll see the progression and it's inspiring. You may discover
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that you are consistent, but you might be working on the wrong things.
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So you have to reevaluate. And as a business owner, you might have posted
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online every day while learning very little about what potential
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clients need. You need to know what the why is and what clients
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want. You could be disciplined, but not give useful
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information. If you include direct conversations and use feedback
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from other people, that helps as well to learn to make sure you're actually on
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the right path. Listen to what other people are saying.
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Listen to what your customers are saying. You may discover that your
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plan is too ambitious for the season you're in. Sometimes people say,
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oh, I want to sell more money now or sell more properties now,
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but it's the winter and wintertime, things seem to sell a little
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bit less. Or you may discover that you're being used or you've been
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using a very small commitment to avoid taking a larger step
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you're now capable of taking because it's scary and some people
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develop fear around things. Increase it thoughtfully, though.
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A minimum should help you continue when life gets difficult.
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Getting the bare minimum done is, is the requirement. When you can
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do more, do more. It doesn't have to become your permanent limit.
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Sometimes a review reveals that you no longer want the outcome.
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Examine that carefully, too, instead of assuming that stopping always
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means failure. Consider what you've learned and what would justify a
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change, and then make a conscious decision. About where your
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efforts belong next. That's how discipline can mature with you.
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Discipline is going to help you grow as a person. You keep your standards,
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you pay attention to evidence, and you improve your decisions.
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You're building the ability to respond to life while staying
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honest about the commitment you make. Here's your 7-day commitment
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that I want you to try. So we're going to bring this back to the
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goal. So you've chosen a goal, that you wanna work on.
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And you figure out this goal because this goal is very important to you.
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And by now, I hope it feels very specific. You've considered whether you
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actually want this goal, what progress would look like,
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and where the next action fits. For the next 7 days,
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choose that small goal and then choose a small daily commitment
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connected to that goal that you're gonna do every day. Keep it within your control.
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So let's say you wanna lose 20 pounds. Every single day you are going
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to make sure that you don't eat after say 5 o'clock. And then you
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might also have, wanna have a workout goal. Maybe every single day you spend 20
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minutes walking, whatever it is, make it small, but make it so you never
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miss it. Then you practice the skill and you do the task for the goal.
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Choose something you can reasonably do in the current circumstances.
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Then you're gonna write a sentence in your diary. Say, after this part of my
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day, I will do this specific action for this amount of time. And you put
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it down, you document it, then fill in the specific details and do it every
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single day. Before the first day, you try to get one obstacle out of the
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way though. Gather something that's wasting your time that you can take away because adding
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more to your life sometimes can be overwhelming. Try to find things you can
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take away. Tell someone you're not available during the time that you've set aside for
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this goal. You can't let other people override your schedule because this is important
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to you. This is your most important goal. Keep every day an honest
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feedback record of what you actually accomplished. What did you do? What'd you
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miss? And did you learn anything? This helps resist the urge to
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make the record look better than the week actually was at the end of the
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week. Because sometimes when we look back, we're like, oh, I got it all done.
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But you might've missed 3 days. You need to make sure that you don't miss
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it all. And every single week you can increase it. You can do more.
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As you get better, you do more. And this is how you make small
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daily changes to your habits and you create habits
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to become more successful. This week though alone won't prove
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your success or failure. It will give you a small piece of evidence about a
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promise to yourself and your plan. And use that evidence to
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make the next promise more thoughtful and the next week more workable.
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That's the kind of growth that I think people want in life. They want to
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improve every single week. Tony Robbins says constant and never-ending improvement,
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and the more you improve, the better you become as a person.
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And I think life is about growth and success
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is about growing into the people we want to be. Otherwise, you're just going backwards.
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Some people say, well, we're just stagnant, we're not moving. But I'm a
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believer if you're not moving forward, you're moving backwards because stagnation doesn't
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improve you at all. And in fact, as we age, if you're not moving and
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improving, you're just getting worse. So try to improve, try to get towards your
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goals and enjoy your life. Live a life that you can actually enjoy and see
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progress and see that you're getting better. This kind
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of growth is important. You develop capabilities by practicing and
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these capabilities, they make you feel more secure in who you are as a person.
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And you should strengthen your integrity too by bringing your behavior closer
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to your values. You give your goals a better chance when they have
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a place in your day, and you learn to trust yourself, your word, by treating
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it with care. The book I'm writing and I'm working on goes further into
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these ideas. For now, I'd like you to try one of them
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and give an important opportunity, a goal, a little honest attention
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and see what that work teaches you and teaches you about yourself.
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It is very important for people to learn their
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self-worth because if not, they constantly seek outside validation.
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And when you learn your self-worth and you respect yourself,
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you'll become more powerful than you realized. I know this was a short one,
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but I hope it resonated with some. I hope that you learn to set your
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7-day goals. I hope that you learn to do something
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every day towards the things that are most important to you so that you can
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actually see when you look back that you have improved. And that you're happier with
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your life now than you were before. This is Diva Mia. Have a happy life.
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Make your life as happy as you can and take care of yourself.
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Have a wonderful week. Ciao ciao.
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you. Visit thedivadetails.com to connect.
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See you next week for more.
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