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Appetizers & The Nature of Boys · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

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  Speaker 1: With Jack Ghne, I can finally say some things that
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  Speaker 1: need to be said. It's one more thing, I'm strong.
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  Speaker 1: One thing. Jack had a thing. So we had to
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  Speaker 1: boogy before we recorded this here podcast. Well that's actually
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  Speaker 1: it's a great opportunity not to bad mouth Jack, but
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  Speaker 1: to talk up appetizers. Now, Katie, you don't know this, probably,
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  Speaker 1: but Jack and I have had a long running in
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  Speaker 1: bitter dispute. I really like appetizers if I'm out to
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  Speaker 1: eat or whatever. He's got, like he's a member of ISIS.
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  Speaker 1: He's got this militant anti appetizer belief. It's stupid. Just
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  Speaker 1: have the meal. Have the meal, you don't need to
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  Speaker 1: have appetizers. And anyway, I won't go any further because
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  Speaker 1: again we're not bad mouthing him. Okay, and is insane
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  Speaker 1: and unsupportable, some would say idiotic beliefs, But Jack is
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  Speaker 1: anti apetizer. I, on the other hand, love appetizers and
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  Speaker 1: in fact, Judy and I went to a breast cancer
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  Speaker 1: fundraiser just last night and I bought at probably excessive cost,
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  Speaker 1: but it wasn't a purchase, it's a donation. I bought
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  Speaker 1: an appetizer of the Month Club membership in which some
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  Speaker 1: of the gifted chefs associated with this community slash. It
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  Speaker 1: was a golf club. They deliver to your home like
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  Speaker 1: a gourmet appetizer once a month. Oh I know that's awesome.
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  Speaker 1: I know. So I'll say, yeah, can we do it
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  Speaker 1: this coming Friday? And they'll say absolutely, And they'll show
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  Speaker 1: up with like this brilliantly crafted stuffed mushrooms or something
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  Speaker 1: like that. It's a great excuse to have like friends
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  Speaker 1: over for a glass of wine and stuff and we
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  Speaker 1: get the credit. Oh that is so cool. No, I
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  Speaker 1: know it.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, So what kind of things did they offer? So
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  Speaker 2: stuff mushrooms obviously, are there other Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: I realized that this the very term has a negative connotation,
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  Speaker 1: but I don't know why they did, like a super
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  Speaker 1: delicious cheeseball, one of those big cheeseballs you dig in
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  Speaker 1: with the knife and put it on crackers. But it
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  Speaker 1: was like home crafted, Oh cheeseball.
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  Speaker 3: Those are big cheeseballs. Yeah, that sounds awesome to me.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and a friend, a friend of ours, actually bought
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  Speaker 1: this last year. And I can't remember what else. They're
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  Speaker 1: like a shrimp thing and various canna pis whatever that is,
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  Speaker 1: but just super yummy like gourmet appetizers.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. See this sounds like I'm so excited to me.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean and particularly I mean it was
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  Speaker 1: several hundred dollars. Again, it's a donation out a purchase.
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  Speaker 1: But when you look at what you spend to, like
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  Speaker 1: go out for a nice dinner now, especially if you
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  Speaker 1: have a bottle of wine or something like that. Oh crap.
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  Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm happy to contribute. Judy actually she quilted
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  Speaker 1: a thing, a golf cart seat cover that fits like
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  Speaker 1: custom fits around the little what do you call it,
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  Speaker 1: the hip rest things to keep you from sliding off
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  Speaker 1: the end of it. But anyway, so we made a
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  Speaker 1: nice donation too. It's a nice, nice fundraiser. Anyway. The
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  Speaker 1: game across this article playground bullies do prosper and go
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  Speaker 1: on to earn more in middle age. This is a
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  Speaker 1: five decade study that's thorough britz. Children who displayed aggressive
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  Speaker 1: behavior at school, such as bullying or temper outbursts, are
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  Speaker 1: likely to earn more money in middle age, according to
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  Speaker 1: a five decade study that upends the maxim that bullies
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  Speaker 1: do not prosper. Any reaction to that, Katie off the
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  Speaker 1: top of your head.
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  Speaker 2: I can kind of see where they're going with this,
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  Speaker 2: because the people that are more outspoken maybe going further
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  Speaker 2: in business rather than the meek that get picked on.
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  Speaker 3: I can see.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, this is one of the reasons I'm so
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  Speaker 1: militant about in schools not making little boys act like
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  Speaker 1: little girls, nor should you make little girls act like
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  Speaker 1: little boys. Let them be themselves, but the idea that
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  Speaker 1: you're to sit still and be quiet and just like
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  Speaker 1: the girls are doing. Because as a youth coach, mostly
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  Speaker 1: in soccer, I coach baseball and softball a little bit too,
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  Speaker 1: but observing the difference between boys and girls, and then
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  Speaker 1: I coached gosh, I coached eight year old boys, ten
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  Speaker 1: year old boys, twelve year old boys that sort of range,
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  Speaker 1: and then fourteen year old girls. Was the oldest I
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  Speaker 1: ever coached. But I would watch ten year old boys
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  Speaker 1: and there are like fifteen guys on the team, right,
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  Speaker 1: so it's a nice selection of different sorts of human beings,
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  Speaker 1: and you could see, Okay, that kid is going to
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  Speaker 1: be a dynamic leader, but at age ten, he's obnoxious
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  Speaker 1: because he has the tool, but he doesn't know how
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  Speaker 1: to wield it. Properly.
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  Speaker 3: That's a great point.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, just and I wish I'd thought about this more,
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  Speaker 1: but I could give you more examples of just they're
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  Speaker 1: all diamonds in the rough. I mean, some of them
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  Speaker 1: are probably gonna end up in jail or beating their
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  Speaker 1: spouse or something like that. I mean, not everybody's a diamond,
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  Speaker 1: but they're they're too much of everything. But that's how
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  Speaker 1: you end up, I think with a good man. It's
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  Speaker 1: very rare that a meek Well, no, I don't want
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  Speaker 1: to I don't want to overstate this because some people
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  Speaker 1: are just uh introverts. But we need to get back
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  Speaker 1: to boys will be boys, and that that's saying has
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  Speaker 1: been uh perverted to mean allegedly so they can do
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  Speaker 1: anything they want. But no, that's not what that saying
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  Speaker 1: means at all. It means you have to put up
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  Speaker 1: with the excesses of boyhood to end up with good men.
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  Speaker 1: Now I abhorror bullying.
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  Speaker 2: But go No, I like what you said too about
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  Speaker 2: they have the tool, they just don't know how to
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  Speaker 2: use it yet. Because you do, you might see a
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  Speaker 2: leader in this ten year old, but that not yet
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  Speaker 2: because right now they don't know.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're they're loud and obnoxious, yeah, or they bully
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  Speaker 1: for instance. Now, some bullies remain bullies in their a holes,
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  Speaker 1: and I hate them and I hope they go to prison.
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  Speaker 1: But some people, You know, this is if I have
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  Speaker 1: told this story in ages. I remember the first time
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  Speaker 1: I told this story. Now, gladys, do you play the
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  Speaker 1: harp when I'm thinking about I'm looking back at telling
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  Speaker 1: a story about looking back? Yeah, she's here for do
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  Speaker 1: you play the harp twice? Or how does that work?
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  Speaker 1: Doesn't just go ahead and start talking? So I was, uh,
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  Speaker 1: I was having this argument with a frenemy. Okay, he
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  Speaker 1: I was like the pitcher on the baseball team, the
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  Speaker 1: high school baseball team, and he was the catcher, and
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  Speaker 1: he was a really good catcher, really good ballplayer. But
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  Speaker 1: he I had this like two alpha dogs thing going on,
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  Speaker 1: and so there was respect and all, but we clashed.
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  Speaker 1: We clashed a fair amount and we got We got
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  Speaker 1: into it one time verbally and he said to me,
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  Speaker 1: and I wish I had I wish i'd written the
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  Speaker 1: quote down. He said something like, I'm not even going
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  Speaker 1: to get into it with you because you'll cut me
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  Speaker 1: to bits. And I thought he sees my verbal ability
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  Speaker 1: as a tool of meanness and cruelty, and I thought,
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to be that guy ever again, I
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  Speaker 1: don't want to. I mean, unless somebody's got a coming.
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  Speaker 1: I decided, Okay, I have the ability to hurt people
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  Speaker 1: with words. I am never going to do that to
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  Speaker 1: an innocent victim. And maybe I've lapsed at times of
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  Speaker 1: loss of temper or what have you in the intervening years,
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  Speaker 1: but I've never thought of myself. Part of it is
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  Speaker 1: I never thought myself as a bully, because I would
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  Speaker 1: never hurt anybody physically. But I realized at that moment
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  Speaker 1: he he used me as some sort of verbal bully,
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  Speaker 1: and I thought, I'm not going to be that and
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  Speaker 1: so and I hate that. This is painful for me
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  Speaker 1: to admit that I might have kind of been that
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  Speaker 1: quote unquote bully who then grew up to not be
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  Speaker 1: a bully as an adult.
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  Speaker 2: That's interesting because when you said what when you quoted
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  Speaker 2: what he said, I heard it as like you were
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  Speaker 2: you have more of a verbal ability than him, not
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  Speaker 2: that you're cruel with your words, but that you you
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  Speaker 2: could verbally take him if you guys were to get
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  Speaker 2: into an argument.
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  Speaker 1: Right right, I guess. I guess the subtlety of it is.
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  Speaker 1: I always saw it as like winning an argument as
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  Speaker 1: opposed to leaving a victim. Okay, well it's you know,
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  Speaker 1: like the typical adolescent. It was self centered. I looked
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  Speaker 1: at it from my point of view. I win, and
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  Speaker 1: I spanked him and sent him running. Yeah, but I
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  Speaker 1: hadn't developed the compassion to really see it from the
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  Speaker 1: other person's perspective. And like I say, if it's somebody
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  Speaker 1: trying to, for instance, you know, like push experimental sex
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  Speaker 1: change procedures on children, I'll rip them apart. If I can,
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  Speaker 1: I will turn every skill. I have full blast for
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  Speaker 1: the kid's sake. But like I said, no, no, nobody
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  Speaker 1: who doesn't have it coming, I just won't do that. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And recognizing that about yourself too is a big thing,
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  Speaker 2: because I have a very similar I like to call
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  Speaker 2: it a sharp tongue.
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  Speaker 1: Especially at all. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: No, I don't have that one bit.
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  Speaker 2: But that's something that I've been working on my whole life,
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  Speaker 2: is realizing that, Yo, Kate, cool it because I know
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  Speaker 2: that once it takes off, bad news bears.
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  Speaker 1: Right, right, you don't punch everybody who deserves it. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: And you don't, you know, strip them naked with your
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  Speaker 1: verbiage if they don't deserve it either, even though you can.
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  Speaker 3: And when they do though, oh is it fun?
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  Speaker 1: So now the temper outburst thing is interesting. They found
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  Speaker 1: an increase in teachers observations of conduct problems such as
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  Speaker 1: temper outbursts or bullying or teasing other children, was associating
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  Speaker 1: with an increase in earnings of nearly four percent of
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  Speaker 1: any given rise in conduct problems for boys or girls.
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  Speaker 1: That compares to a six percent rise for higher cognition
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  Speaker 1: skills and so as a measure of who's going to
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  Speaker 1: do well at least financially an old boy, Now that
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  Speaker 1: I think about it, that's an interesting way to measure
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  Speaker 1: this anyway, But being like hot tempered is almost as
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  Speaker 1: good an indicator of being successful in life as being smart.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, based off how they put it.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Wow, it's forty percent of six Well, I
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  Speaker 1: guess you could say it's fifty percent more likely, but
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  Speaker 1: you see my point. Further analysis showed that by age sixteen,
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  Speaker 1: those with conduct problems were more sociable as teenagers and
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  Speaker 1: were more likely to smoke and be arrested at some
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  Speaker 1: point in their lives.
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  Speaker 3: Oh there's that.
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  Speaker 1: Wow. So is it just being more dynamic in general?
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  Speaker 1: I do not know.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: They point out many people, many successful people have had
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  Speaker 1: various problems in school, like Winston Churchill. Various folks expelled, suspended,
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  Speaker 1: who ended up being famous or successful or what have you.
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  Speaker 3: Well like in today's news.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, look at Trump, He's considered a bully.
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  Speaker 3: He's probably didn't like that his whole life.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think he's still a bully. It's one of
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  Speaker 1: the things I don't particularly like about him. But uh, I.
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  Speaker 3: Was thinking about Steve Jobs, genius, but I've heard he
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  Speaker 3: was a complete bully. Oh I heard that too.
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  Speaker 1: Oh well that's right at when. Yeah, I was picturing
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  Speaker 1: his youth. But yeah, running Apple, he was, he absolutely was. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: You know, maybe this boils down to and this is
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  Speaker 1: an old, old message. Don't make kids sit still and
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  Speaker 1: be quiet and all act the same, because they're not
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  Speaker 1: the same. There's a cynical view of education that modern
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  Speaker 1: education exists purely to turn people into rule following drones.
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  Speaker 1: And you know, I certainly hope that's I know a
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  Speaker 1: lot of gifted teachers and that's not what they're trying
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  Speaker 1: to do. But just to to whatever extent that's what's happening.
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  Speaker 1: Resist that.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, a big yeck.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. We need more kids who end up smoking and
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  Speaker 1: getting arrested, because the other ones will be Winston Churchill.
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  Speaker 1: I think that's our takeaway here. What something like that
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  Speaker 1: nailed it?
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  Speaker 3: Well, I guess that's it