Latest / The Nonprofit Podcast / Ep 181| 5 Simple Steps to Ease Donor Meeting Stress

Transcript

Ep 181| 5 Simple Steps to Ease Donor Meeting Stress · The Nonprofit Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I keep hearing?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Every single October without fail, fundraisers come to me and say, Britt, I am terrified.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm terrified to meet with donors right now, face to face for coffee.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll say, Okay, well, tell me more.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it's almost always the same.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't think I know enough.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Or what if they ask me something that I can't answer?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: So let's start here.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: That anxious, the knotted up feeling right in the pit of your tummy before a simple coffee date.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: It usually has nothing to do with your fundraising skills, nothing at all.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that's exactly what we're going to be unpacking in today's podcast episode.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: The Nonprofit Podcast, powered by DonorBucks.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Nonprofit Podcast.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Britt Stockert, fundraiser coach here at DonorBox.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Each week we share practical insights, real strategies, and honest conversations to help you raise more, reach further, and drive real results for your mission.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Today we are talking about imposter syndrome and why that coffee date sitting on your calendar right now might feel way scarier than it actually needs to be.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to walk you through a simple five-step flow that you can literally take into any of your donor meetings.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: So by the end of this, my hope is you're going to stop walking in feeling tense, right?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: And start walking in feeling ready.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like actually ready.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so the fear, it's real.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: In just the past two weeks alone, I've had this exact same conversation with so many of my coaching clients.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Britain, I'm terrified to meet with donors.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: And when I dig in a little deeper and I say, okay, yeah, what's really going on?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: It always comes back to the same thing.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't know enough, or I'm afraid that they're going to ask me a question that I can't answer.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And underneath all of that is this belief, right?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's this quiet, deep-seated belief.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like every single meeting is secretly a make it or break it money moment.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you don't walk out of there with a check in hand, you have failed.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: So let's take the pressure off for a second.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you really understand what fundraising actually is, not what people think it is, not all of that chatter on LinkedIn, a lot of that fear, it just starts to fade.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: If there's one thing I want you to take away from this whole episode, it's this fundraising.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: It isn't about the ask.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's like maybe 10% of the job.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: But the other 90%, it is about being human.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's about being vulnerable, being candid, showing up as yourself.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's listening, really listening, sharing the stories, being curious about what truly matters to someone, building trust, leaving people feeling seen.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: The best part about all of this is you already do this every single day.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's part of who you are.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's baked into your DNA.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: You listen, you care deeply, you absolutely light up when you talk about your mission.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that, friends, that's connection.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's what moves people to give, not that perfect polished pitch.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes being human in the fundraising world, it means showing up in ways that are physical and personal, right?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like sending something through mail, not just an email or social post, but something really they can hold.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I'm so grateful to this week's sponsor, Appealmaker, because they make it easy to create and send beautifully branded direct mail, letters, postcards, full campaigns, you name it, without needing a designer or printer.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: You can sign up for a free account, no credit card required, appealmaker.com.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Great way to reconnect with donors who appreciate something tangible, thoughtful, and personal, especially as we head into year end.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: So you might ask, Britt, if fundraising is really just about being human and showing up as myself, why does it still feel so dang scary?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Where is this fear actually coming from?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about it.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the thing: we aren't born afraid to talk about money, right?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: We learn it somewhere along the way from family, from culture, from those little offhand comments about money that just stick with us.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Think about the messages you heard growing up.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Money doesn't grow on trees, or we don't talk about money in our house, or asking for things is rude.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: All of those messages, what do they do?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: They form stories.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: And those stories absolutely shape how we show up with donors today.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, I want to share a little experience here.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: I grew up in Stockton in a very rough part of town.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember one Christmas, I must have been, gosh, seven or eight years old as the only kid in the household at that time.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: My parents had just gotten paid.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: And they went all out, all out, I tell you, like more presents under the tree than we ever had.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: It felt like abundance for the first time in my life.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Then that same night we went out, but when we came back, every single present was gone, stolen.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: All of it.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason I'm sharing this is because that was my first real lesson about money, what it can make possible and what it feels like to lose it.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that fear, we're talking about the fear, right?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: It stuck with me.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And it bled into my fundraising career work decades later.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: That fear came right along with me.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: It was quiet, it was nagging, but I will tell you, it was present.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's a little voice.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: It would say, Well, asking is risky.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Be careful because you might just get rejected.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: It took me years to realize this fear wasn't about knowing enough about fundraising or even the work, the mission.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: It was about those old stories as that seven or eight-year-old girl that I was still carrying around decades later.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: And once you name those stories, everything shifts.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about what that actually looks like in practice.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: When you're sitting across from a donor or meeting for coffee virtually, right?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: I want to remind everyone they're not pitch meetings, right?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: These coffee dates, you're not there to close a deal.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: You're there to connect, to show up as your authentic self, to be human.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: That is it.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: So take a breath, let go, and I'm gonna walk you through a simple five-step framework, the same one that I used to use as a fundraiser and the one that I teach with my coaching clients, because ultimately at the end of the day, I want these coffee meetings to feel lighter, natural, and all around just easier for you.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Step one, reconnect first.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, look, you just made it to the coffee venue.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: You're about to sit down.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: It might be a Zoom call.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Show up as your authentic human self, start human.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now I know small talk, it's a bad rap, but also let's be honest, cutting to the chase of business right out of the gate isn't the flex you think it is either.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: So ask about their family, their travel plans, whatever you remember from the last time you talked.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it might go something like this.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, Ryan, it is so great to see you.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I just wanted to catch up, hear what you've been up to, and we have some fabulous updates happening at our organization.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I have no ask of you today.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's just been so long, and I'm just so happy to see your face and be able to connect.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: Reconnect first.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: Step two, share a mini moment.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Look, chances are your supporters, they're already following your newsletter, right?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Your socials.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Why not give them something new, something that they wouldn't know otherwise?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: We get overwhelmed with sharing impact stories, right?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: So, what I would say is focus on pulling kind of a bank of all of those mini moments, what it felt like to be there right in the moment, something that might have happened just yesterday, today.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: What I teach my coaching clients is tap into all five senses when they're capturing these moments.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: What did what did the person see?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: What do they hear, smell, taste, feel?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then you want to set the scene.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Again, the mini moment needs to be recent, relevant, and just captures the essence of the work that you do.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: One of my clients, they've given me permission.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: They do interfaith dialogue out in the East Bay.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out to y'all.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: So the EED shared this mini moment in one of his coffee dates.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: A few months ago, we held a seminar in Oakland on a Tuesday night.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, Ryan, I remember walking into the room and it had that community center smell, you know, like a library, old coffee, folding chairs.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: I would say there was probably 20 people settling in.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: The room was filled with people from all walks of life out in the Bay Area.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: I saw a software engineer, a social worker.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: There was even a professor from the local university.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: They all gathered around, you know, kind of these wonky tables to talk about one question.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: What does faith ask of us?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I will tell you, about halfway through, you could feel the energy shift.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: This woman who works with youth in East Oakland, she had been quiet most of the night, but she leaned forward and her voice cracked a little when she said, Hey, I've come here partly because I don't know how to talk about God with the kids I work with.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: But sitting in this circle tonight, hearing all of you, I realized I'm not the only one holding these doubts.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Ryan, the room that night, it got so quiet.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you this theology professor came in, this guy who had been taking notes the whole time.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: He puts down his pen and he said, I've spent my entire life studying this stuff, but what you just said has been humbling.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: And right there, you're witnessing two people from different worlds, they're starting to talk.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: They're really talking.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I just sat back as an ED.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: I stood there watching, thinking, this is what our nonprofit does best.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: We create spaces for people to show up, be vulnerable, and find friendships and belonging through some really hard times.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: You see, that is a moment.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: It has a scene, right?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: The smell, the mismatched tables, the quiet room.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: It has this turning point.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: That woman who leans in forward, her voice is cracking, and then it lands on impact.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: People lingering, exchanging numbers, they're signing up, they're forming friendships.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: When you build your story bank of mini moments, this is exactly what you're looking for.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Not just, you know, we had a good event and leave it at that, but the moment that makes the donor that you're meeting for coffee remember, why do you do the work you do?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, what if what if my mini moment falls flat?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: What if they seem totally not engaged or just like distracted on their phones?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: It happens.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: So this is when you're gonna give yourself permission to pivot.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: This is when the art of curiosity comes into play.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: Step three, pause.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: And this is critical.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta let the story breathe.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want to rush to fill the silence.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I know silence feels awkward, but it's actually where the good stuff happens.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: So when you finish a mini moment and you just stop talking, you gotta give the donor space to process, to feel, to connect the dots themselves.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the most powerful responses that I've ever gotten have come after a five or six second pause that felt like eternity.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Get comfortable with silence.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: It is your friend.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: And while they're responding, because they're gonna respond, this is what you're actively listening for, not just for what they say, but how they say it.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: Where does the energy shift in the conversation?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: What makes them lean in or their eyes brighten up?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Notice if they bring up something like the same theme twice.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: All of that, that is your strategic intel that's gonna kind of nudge you along.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna tell you what matters most to them, what their values are, and how they might want to engage with you in the future.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I keep all of those mental notes during the conversation, all of those little flags in my mind.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as I get in my car or back to my desk, I write them down from my mini notebook and I get them immediately into my CRM.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, step four.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: The art of curiosity.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Ask questions.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Connection, my friends.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Questions like, okay, Donna, what drew you to our work in the first place?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Or I'm curious, what's been on your mind lately?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: Or have you noticed this issue in our community too?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: Those types of questions.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And then again, listen, really listen.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Not just what what your next talking point's gonna be, right?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: But for understanding.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Now, what if they say, hey, how do I make a gift?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Or are you asking me for a gift?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: Don't panic.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: This tends to happen more than we think.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: I think here you can say something like, you know what, I really appreciate you asking.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not here with an ask today.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: I just wanted to reconnect with you.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're curious about ways to give, let's schedule another time and I'm happy to talk about that.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because what you're doing at this very moment when you're asking questions is that you're honoring their interest without derailing the relationship, building the lead up that we're trying to do in the first place.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: All right, step five.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the entire coffee date should probably run at most 45 minutes total.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Enough time to connect without, you don't want to overstay.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: If they only have 15 minutes, I think that's okay too.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: You got to pivot, right?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I would skip the long impact update.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: I would keep it to the mini moment and focus on the small talk, on the connection.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: And one curiosity question.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: As you're inviting them in a deeper way, but not with an ask for any money.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: How are you going to invite them in to become a partner where it's totally unrelated to their wallet?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: It might be inviting them to an upcoming community outreach event.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: It might be helping out at the warehouse.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Right now you have pallets upon pallets of green beans that need unloading, or simply asking them to sign a petition.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: Something that makes them feel like a partner, you got to get creative and think about that next step.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: So even with these steps, you're saying, Britt, I'm still getting so dang nervous before these coffee meetings.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Remind yourself, it's actually a good sign.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: It means you care.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because looking at our fears directly, it actually makes them less scary.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: It helps us prepare for what might really happen instead of spiraling about imaginary worst-case scenarios.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: So next time you're feeling that knot in the pit of your stomach, ask yourself, okay, so what is the worst that could actually happen?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: And then get practical.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: Make two lists.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: The first list, why might someone say yes?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they believe in the mission, they've been watching our work and they're ready.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: They just received a bonus or inheritance and feel generous.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: They want to make an impact before your end.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: Or hey, they're looking for a meaningful tax deduction.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's your yes list.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then now make your other second list.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: Why might someone say no?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: They don't fully understand the mission yet.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: The timing's not right.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe they just made a big purchase or had an unexpected hardship.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: They're already committed to other causes this year, or they need more time to think about it.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: Now look at that second list.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: Really look at it.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Which of those no's actually your fault?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: None of them.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: Not a single one of them.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so again, a no isn't a reflection of your worth as a fundraiser.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's not even a reflection of your organization.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's simply information.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: It tells you where they are right now and they might change, hey, in three, six months to a year.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: So again, you don't need every answer walking into this coffee meeting.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: You just need to show up as your full self.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: And remove ego and self from this.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: So we've covered the framework and we've faced the fear.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's make this tangible.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: We love to give you something to walk away with from every episode.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Two things for you.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Number one, write down your earliest money memory.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: Sit with it.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: Think about how it shows up when you're asking for year-end support today.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: And two, reach out to five donors for a November coffee date.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: And if you can't meet for coffee, because let's talk about accessibility, I'm talking about Zoom too.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: Use this five-step flow we just talked about.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: Jot down those notes right after each meeting while everything's still fresh.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: And hey, if you're thinking, you know what, Britt, I actually could use some extra support with this.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: I offer one-on-one coaching.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: I also offer group coaching.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: And because I work at a nonprofit tech company like Donor Box, I'm able to keep my coaching rates really accessible.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't just coach on strategy, I know the tech component of it too.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm going to drop my scheduling link right in the show notes.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Feel free to schedule a 30-minute discovery call.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: I would love to meet ya.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: All right, that is it for today.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being part of the nonprofit podcast community.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: If you've enjoyed this episode, share it, leave us a review, or subscribe to our YouTube channel.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, take that first step and stay inspired.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: That warm feeling when you help someone, it's not just happiness, it's fulfillment.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we believe it should be available to everyone, from frontline heroes to first time fundraisers.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Our tools empower you to help others.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is our mission.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is DonorBox, helping you help others.