Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / Overcoming Bedtime Battles through the Ages & Stages w/Valerie Ellis

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Overcoming Bedtime Battles through the Ages & Stages w/Valerie Ellis · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, listeners.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm excited to have special guest Valerie Ellis on the show, sharing ideas for an easier and more meaningful bedtime routine through the ages and stages.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Valerie loves helping kids and parents connect with God and each other in the everyday moments.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: She's an author, speaker, and founder of our Everyday Parables, a multi-author online resource with book reviews and ideas for families pursuing faith and compassion.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: A certified teacher with countless hours in children's ministry, Valerie writes books that serve kids at the intersection of faith and fun.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: Her latest book is Wild Faith Devotional for Kids, 52 Amazing Animals That Point to One Great God.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Valerie is a frequent speaker at national conferences and local gatherings of parents, teachers, and children's ministers.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: She's also a nonprofit consultant, trainer, and grant writer in the Houston area where she lives with her husband and their two boys.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Valerie, welcome to the show.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's my pleasure to be here.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for having me.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: I am so glad you're here.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I know you have some very practical ideas and tips for bedtime routines.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm going to let you jump right in and share with our audience.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it looks like you're going to start with the physical needs at bedtime for kids.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, as a mom of two, my kids are now 14 and 11, but we I feel like we've seen a lot of those um different behaviors, different um ages and stages of bedtime routine.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm excited to share, you know, just from what we kind of learned in the trenches.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And um talking about, yes, starting with physical needs, we'll talk about emotional and spiritual needs too and see how reading helps us do all of those things.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, when we think about getting ready for bed, there are a lot of physical things going on in our bodies.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And actually what having a little bit of a routine at night, it doesn't have to be a big production, can help trigger that sleepy, those sleepy um hormones and chemicals in our brains that say, oh, it's time to get sleepy.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so doing things like dimming the lights, um, turning the TV off if you're a TV family, and then um having some different routines like getting ready for bed and maybe reading time with a physical book, though those things can meet those physical needs.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And having that routine just gives the child that security.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we think like, well, kids, they don't really want all of that routine.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And sure they will fight us on it, but it is, you know, really, really good for them to help them settle down at bedtime.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what about those bedtime challenges?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think every parent goes through that, right?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Depending on their age.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: And it and it changes over time, you know.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: But the I don't want to go to bed.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: I need a drink of water, you know, all those absolutely.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, talking about bedtime routines, I mean, as parents, we can create these great bedtime routines, but will the kids follow them?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so this, um, you know, we'll talk for a second about obstacles to bedtime, but this really also goes to emotional care, like caring for their emotions, um, helping them see like that this is good for them, that we're on their side, even though we are um, you know, having them go to bed and get that rest.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, when they were little, I really tried not to say the phrase, I love you, but it's time for bed.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I would say, I love you so much that I really want you to get your rest.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So it's time for bed.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: To make it, yeah.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: So um I heard that somewhere else and I was like, oh, that definitely, and just that little word change sometimes makes a big difference for I think all ages of kids, but for the emotional or overcoming the obstacles, let's start with the little ones.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: So when it's time for bed, I know me as a mom, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate, are like, okay, it's time for me to have a little me time as soon as we get the kids in bed.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so it can be fun for us to check all the things off the list, but to kids, that's not fun.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I try to remember to keep it playful with those little ones because they're still looking to play and not do the boring things of bedtime.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: So um, whether that's catching them off guard with like a silly rhyme or um something silly like, do these pants go on your head?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Do they go on your arms?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, they go on your legs.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, just catching them off guard like that.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: I have been known to have their stuffed animals ask them to brush their teeth um or have them zoom to the um, you know, zoom to go take a shower like a race car or hop like a bunny.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, how fat, yes, how fast can you go?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: My friend, I love this, she um lets her little one point out all the sugar bugs on his teeth at bedtime, and then she gets some like pew, pew, pew with her with the toothbrush.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, just things like that can really help.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and does it take a ton more energy from us?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: But then um, for older kids, of course, we can't just employ those playful things anymore.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: My kids would look at me like I was crazy if I did any of those things.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the good thing is that we can reason with them a little bit more and help them become partners in their bedtime.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: So explaining like why we do these things is really important.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And for my older son, um, he's pretty easy.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: He wants to get to that time where he's just sitting in his bed, listening to music, reading a book.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so he gets his bedtime routine done really quickly.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just for him remembering to like dock his phone.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's not time for screens, you know, do the bedtime things.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: But my middle schooler um still is in a really playful phase.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so getting the things done just seems still like torture.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so we have him kind of partner with us.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: We've have um like a clock that's waterproof, that's in the shower, that um he can see like the time and how it's progressing, so he can make sure he has time to do the fun drawing or reading or whatever that he wants to do.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: We have like a checklist that he can tick off the little um items on his list with a little click.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of fun and satisfying.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so just things like that where you're working on it together, where they see the benefit of it, and then where they have some kind of incentive.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then my one more tip for all the ages for this emotional overcoming obstacle um topic is just to take a minute yourself.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I know especially if you have little ones, this can be difficult, but even just 30 seconds to a minute to just kind of sit down, close your eyes, maybe say a prayer, and just kind of be like, I'm fueling up for this time to keep my patience, you know, to have the energy to make this a meaningful time because it's something I think as parents, and now that my kids are a little bit older, you know, I look back at those bedtimes when they were little and I they were not perfect, but just grateful that we had those times together.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it can be so easy to lose sight of that.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: I've been there many times when we're so tired.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so just taking a minute before you start to make sure you have the energy to get the routine um done and make it a blessing for them.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: That is such a good point, you know, and um doing it from a place of peace rather than stress, I would say, you know.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that that's a really important point to make.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, am I ready to go through this routine as well?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: So that you, you know, so they they can go to sleep on a positive note.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good point.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what about making the bedtime routine more meaningful with stories and prayer?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So this kind of I think plays into a little bit of what we've been talking about because if kids know that they're going to have like a story time or a fun time with mom and dad with a prayer, and I have some ideas about how to make prayer fun and or drawing or whatever, that can help them, you know, do those physical things they need to do to get to that incentive.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so we can make bedtime more meaningful by reading books, and maybe not necessarily all Christian books, but whatever kind of books you're choosing, you're laying a foundation of love and showing the kids, you're important to me.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is part of our routine and taking time together, it gives for little ones that opportunity for snuggles or for older kids that maybe that opportunity to have a meaningful conversation that they wouldn't open up about if you just sat down and you're like, okay, tell me all your questions and problems, you know.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: But reading those books together can kind of bring that out.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then um, I also love the idea of doing a short blessing.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I have some ideas for this on our website, and it doesn't have to be long, but sometimes when you're rushed or they have those sports or dance or whatever, or you've come in from like a birthday party or something like that, and you don't have time to do like the normal books and all of that, a short blessing, looking in their eyes can really be a nice way to close the night.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like I said, um, ending with prayer.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now that my kids are older, I try to um remind them the benefit of closing the day by being grateful, closing the day by coming to God, that we can come to him at any time, but it's a special, special thing to end the day talking to God.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that when they were younger, prayer time tended to be the time when they just got so wild.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they might brush their teeth calmly, even more so than pray calmly.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for sometimes it was because they knew the night was winding down.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is my last effort to not go to bed.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, right.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes I think it was because, you know, what we were maybe getting a little routine with our prayers and not engaging them on their level as much.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you feel like the tension is because this is their last stitch effort before they go to bed, you might consider moving that prayer time before story time or before brushing teeth.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Even though I love the idea of the last thing we do together is pray, sometimes that created a problem.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so we would move it around.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then if it's more of like you're needing ideas to get on their level, especially for the littler ones, uh, but even for the older ones, we still switch it up and use some of these ideas.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I have an article and a list of ideas on the website that I know you're going to link to that just um different things like praying with a song, using song lyrics to pray, or using um colors to talk about different kinds of prayers that we do or that we pray to God, like whether it be intercessory prayers or praises.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so we have all of those ideas just to mix it up and make it something to look forward to.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And we even have a printable so you can print it out and have it right by their bed if you need those ideas in a pinch.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: And is this on your Our Everyday Parables site?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: So our Everyday Parables has those um tips and tricks.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: We also have quiet books and bedtime books.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, um, my books are great for bedtime too.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: We have one for all the ages, zero to on up to 12.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So those are great.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, fantastic.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I while we're talking books, can you share a little bit about your your newest one, Wild Faith?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: So Wild Faith Devotional for Kids has those 52 animals that point to one great God.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's pictures, um, illustrations as well as photographs.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really engaging for the kids.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: But it also has those muted tones.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really great for relaxing together as a family.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: There are um interactive elements like ways to really make the lesson stick and live it out.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: And there are, of course, prayers and Bible verses and a lot of fun animal facts.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: So we've got animals like um lots of kids' favorites, like the sloth, capybara, oxilotl, um, some that I didn't know about before I started researching the book, like the Kalugo, and then also some familiar ones that kids love, like cats and dogs and kangaroos.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds wonderful.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Valerie, thank you so much for sharing these great ideas.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: I know they'll be helpful to many families, and I know many parents will want to connect with you online.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Where is the best place to find you?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, so you can um sign up for our email list either through our everyday parables or through my website, valerieelllis.com, and that will keep you in touch with me through email.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then we also send out a lot of giveaways and book reviews and things like that.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm also on Instagram at I am Valerie Ellis.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, wonderful.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we will have links to all that in the show notes.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: So, listeners, be sure to check that out and connect with Valerie online.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: You'll also find in our show notes a link to a free printable of prayer ideas that you can use for bedtime that she has graciously shared.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for that, Valerie.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: And listeners, thank you for joining us.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure to check those show notes and grab your freebie and connect with Valerie and then come back next week for another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: Have a blessed week.