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Nathan Whitaker: 5 Things Good Leaders Stop Doing · Uncommon Impact

• 0:01
  Speaker: Hi, I'm Nathan Whitaker.
• 0:04
  Speaker: Welcome to Uncommon Impact.
• 0:05
  Speaker: Today we're going to talk about leadership, some things that we can learn to do, actually, some things we can learn to stop doing.
• 0:12
  Speaker: I was talking to somebody yesterday about leadership, how it's hard, how it doesn't come naturally to a lot of people.
• 0:17
  Speaker: But it's something that we all can improve and grow our skills.
• 0:20
  Speaker: Now, one of the things that I think it's worth thinking about, though, is not only are these skills to be added, but sometimes they're things not to do.
• 0:27
  Speaker: I'm sure you've had leaders like I have where you looked at them and thought, okay, I'm not going to do that.
• 0:31
  Speaker: Well, today I'm going to share five things that I think good leaders should stop doing.
• 0:36
  Speaker: The first is to stop making it all about yourself.
• 0:39
  Speaker: I know you've seen leaders like this.
• 0:40
  Speaker: I'm sure you've had people like this in your life.
• 0:43
  Speaker: And we can see leaders like this around us all the time these days.
• 0:46
  Speaker: People who make everything about them.
• 0:48
  Speaker: If something goes right, they take the credit, even if clearly they had nothing to do with it.
• 0:53
  Speaker: Or if something goes wrong, they make sure that they dodge the blame.
• 0:56
  Speaker: Even if, as Harry Truman said, sometimes the buck stops here, even when it wasn't necessarily their fault.
• 1:03
  Speaker: They make it all about themselves, in that everything at the end of the day is a reflection on them, good or bad.
• 1:10
  Speaker: The reality is that it's not always about them.
• 1:13
  Speaker: It shouldn't always be about them.
• 1:15
  Speaker: As leaders, we need to make sure that we make it about other people, that we make it about the goal, that we make it about those that we're mentoring.
• 1:22
  Speaker: These concepts came from the book I did with Tony Dungy, the mentor leader.
• 1:26
  Speaker: And at the end of the day, the goal is how are we mentoring others?
• 1:30
  Speaker: How are we helping others grow?
• 1:32
  Speaker: And so if we make it all about ourselves, that doesn't do anybody any good.
• 1:36
  Speaker: And it's not an effective approach.
• 1:38
  Speaker: The second is to stop solving every problem.
• 1:40
  Speaker: We talked about this with Chris Archer.
• 1:43
  Speaker: His idea was to sometimes let people fail.
• 1:46
  Speaker: If it doesn't impact their lives or their careers, and somebody pointed out in the comments when I posted that, they said, well, if it doesn't affect their lives or their or their career, then it's really not a failure, and who cares?
• 1:58
  Speaker: I think Chris meant, and what I took him to mean, was in some traumatizing in some massive way that derails them.
• 2:05
  Speaker: There are just times in which things go wrong or negotiations stall or we suffer setbacks.
• 2:11
  Speaker: And that's okay.
• 2:12
  Speaker: We don't need to step in and solve every problem as leaders.
• 2:16
  Speaker: If we do that, we don't give people a chance to grow and to learn and to have some experiences.
• 2:21
  Speaker: If we're always stepping in and saving somebody from something, I'm not sure we're letting people go through some of the growth that they need to go through.
• 2:28
  Speaker: We see it as parents, we see it as teachers, we see it as coaches, and we see it as leaders.
• 2:32
  Speaker: There are times when we want to kind of hover and fix things and make sure everything doesn't go poorly.
• 2:37
  Speaker: But sometimes we need to have mistakes happen so that people can learn.
• 2:42
  Speaker: The third thing we need to stop doing is to lead from a distance.
• 2:46
  Speaker: We have to figure out a way to kind of get in the mud, to get dirty, to be with the people we're leading and what they're doing.
• 2:54
  Speaker: I know one person who put their office, they're a leader, they put their office right behind the reception desk so that everybody as they enter the facility has to talk to them.
• 3:02
  Speaker: And they ask that people stop as long as their door's open, which it is most of the time, stop, say hey, and interrupt them, which is not terribly efficient.
• 3:11
  Speaker: And there are times in which the door needs to be shut, whether it's for meetings or phone calls or things that are particularly sensitive.
• 3:17
  Speaker: But the default position is to leave the door open and tell people to stop and say hello.
• 3:22
  Speaker: You don't always have to necessarily become best friends or really close with folks, but you at least need to know where they're coming from, know their names, know what they're striving for, know their families, what their pressures are.
• 3:34
  Speaker: The more we can lead alongside people, not from a distance, the better off we are, the better off they are.
• 3:41
  Speaker: The fourth thing that we pulled from the mentor leader, all of these are, was this idea of stop reacting so quickly.
• 3:48
  Speaker: I clerked for a federal judge and he told me that if something really annoyed me and if if an attorney called or whatever it was and was short with me or didn't handle themselves well or whatever it was that set me off, to count to 10 before I responded, before I lashed out on the phone.
• 4:04
  Speaker: Count to 10 and just see if that allowed the moment to pass.
• 4:07
  Speaker: I need to do a better job at breathing, but I know there are folks who talk about the importance of breathing, taking deep breaths to regulate our system.
• 4:15
  Speaker: I also know people, and I've done this before, who have sent, well, I shouldn't say sent, who have typed the email in response when they really are set off, when something really has them worked up.
• 4:27
  Speaker: Go ahead and dictate, compose the email.
• 4:30
  Speaker: Sit on it, sleep on it overnight, see how you feel in the morning.
• 4:34
  Speaker: Usually I never end up sending those.
• 4:36
  Speaker: I'll type it, get everything out, and then in the morning think, what's that gonna accomplish?
• 4:42
  Speaker: Why am I doing that?
• 4:43
  Speaker: And sometimes it's just cathartic to have typed it out or to realize there's a better way to do it, but not necessarily reacting so quickly.
• 4:52
  Speaker: In the moment, things can seem really big.
• 4:54
  Speaker: And then we're also triggered and we want to be in somebody's face.
• 4:57
  Speaker: But how often have you received feedback yourself in that format and kind of shut down?
• 5:04
  Speaker: You get defensive, you're on your heels, you're thinking, how do I get out of this moment?
• 5:09
  Speaker: And you're not hearing what they're trying to convey.
• 5:11
  Speaker: Well, as leaders, we probably should not be the one who's doing that to make people shut down.
• 5:15
  Speaker: If we want to instruct them, if we want to correct something, we need to figure out the best way to do that.
• 5:19
  Speaker: And it's not always coming right after them.
• 5:21
  Speaker: Plus, then, sometimes we don't have all the facts.
• 5:24
  Speaker: We hear something, we think we understand something, and we respond in the moment.
• 5:28
  Speaker: And the reality is maybe the moment isn't exactly what we think it is.
• 5:32
  Speaker: Maybe there's more at play, maybe there's something else going on, maybe it's not the crisis we think it is.
• 5:38
  Speaker: Maybe just by taking a moment, we can get more facts, learn more about it.
• 5:42
  Speaker: Maybe it is a crisis, but by taking a moment, we usually haven't set ourselves back too much.
• 5:47
  Speaker: And usually actually we're in a better position.
• 5:50
  Speaker: Final point is that correction is important.
• 5:53
  Speaker: Accountability matters.
• 5:55
  Speaker: We need to make sure that people understand what's expected, what they need to do, and the way in which they should do it and can do it and how to get there.
• 6:04
  Speaker: And so that's important.
• 6:05
  Speaker: And so we need to give feedback as we mentor, as we help people grow, give feedback, give responses, but we also have to make sure that we're encouraging.
• 6:14
  Speaker: You may know the old saw, how do you know if somebody needs encouragement?
• 6:17
  Speaker: If they're breathing.
• 6:18
  Speaker: Well, Tony Dungy learned this with his first Buccaneers team.
• 6:22
  Speaker: They were playing okay, but they weren't as good as they were going to be.
• 6:27
  Speaker: They lost their first several games, and then they started to play better, and then they started to win.
• 6:31
  Speaker: And then by year two, they were winning more regularly.
• 6:34
  Speaker: Well, one of the team leaders came to Tony at a point in which they were starting to win and said, What do we have to do to ever satisfy you?
• 6:43
  Speaker: And Tony said, What do you mean?
• 6:44
  Speaker: We're playing great.
• 6:45
  Speaker: And they said, Every Monday we come in and go through the film and you point out we could do this better.
• 6:51
  Speaker: All right, now here's an area that we can improve.
• 6:53
  Speaker: All right, watch this, we can do this better as well.
• 6:55
  Speaker: And the whole thing is corrections.
• 6:57
  Speaker: When are you going to point out the plays and say, hey, this was a great play, nice job, guys?
• 7:02
  Speaker: And Tony said, you know, I just figured that you guys realized we were playing well and we were winning, so we were doing a lot well.
• 7:07
  Speaker: I didn't think I needed to tell you that because it was obvious we're playing better than they are.
• 7:11
  Speaker: We keep winning games.
• 7:13
  Speaker: And he realized in that moment that even when they were playing well, even when things were going smoothly, that he needed to stop and point that out to them and say, Yes, I know you know things are going well, but I just wanted you to know that I see it, that I'm pleased with this.
• 7:27
  Speaker: Nice job here.
• 7:28
  Speaker: Well done.
• 7:30
  Speaker: Encourage more than we correct.
• 7:32
  Speaker: Certainly we need to correct, but make sure that we're balancing the scales on the side of encouragement.
• 7:37
  Speaker: Everybody needs it.
• 7:39
  Speaker: Those are the quick five thoughts from the mentor leader on how to be a better leader by stopping doing what we need to stop doing.
• 7:49
  Speaker: To sum up, stop making leadership about you.
• 7:52
  Speaker: It's about other people.
• 7:54
  Speaker: Stop solving every problem.
• 7:56
  Speaker: Let people grow, let mistakes happen.
• 7:58
  Speaker: Yes, there may be times when we need to step in, but don't solve every problem.
• 8:03
  Speaker: Stop leading from a distance.
• 8:05
  Speaker: Make sure that people know that you're accessible and available and that you get to know them as people.
• 8:10
  Speaker: Don't respond so quickly.
• 8:13
  Speaker: Wait, get the facts, cool down, take a deep breath, maybe take another one.
• 8:18
  Speaker: And then finally correct, hold people accountable, but make sure that we're encouraging more than we're correcting.
• 8:25
  Speaker: Have a great day.