Latest / The Mami Collective / You Shouldn’t Have to Struggle First: How To Take Control of Your Fertility with Dr. Roohi Jeelani

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You Shouldn’t Have to Struggle First: How To Take Control of Your Fertility with Dr. Roohi Jeelani · The Mami Collective

• Paulina: If you're a mom who needs just one night that's all about you, I need you at Mommy Name Easy, the Mommy Collective Summit on October 1st at the Mayfield in Chicago. We're talking incredible food and drinks, local vendors, live music, amazing raffles, inspiring conversations, and our signature panel featuring moms who are building careers, businesses, and lives they love. Plus, I'm excited to announce that Anna Belleval will be joining us as our surprise guest for a live conversation and audience Q<unk>A. Trust me, you don't want to miss this one. Grab your tickets now at theMommy Collective.com. I'll see you there. Welcome to The Mommy Collective. I'm Paulina Rowe, radio host, TV contributor, writer, and mom of one. This is where ambitious moms come to keep their identity intact while navigating motherhood. Here we talk about the real stuff, career, Money, relationships, identity, and everything that gets messy in between. You won't find sugarcoating or cliches. What you will find are unfiltered conversations, real resources, and proof that you don't have to lose yourself to be a good mom. The mommy collective is here to remind you you can be ambitious, you can take up space, and you can thrive in motherhood and in everything else that makes you you. Before we get into the episode, make sure you're following the mommy collective on Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram. And share this podcast with a mommy in your life who Needs a little inspiration or just a reminder that she's killing it. Also, don't forget to sign up for our newsletter and leave us a review so we can keep showing up and reach every ambitious mom out there doing big things. Let's get into it. Hello, it's a mommy collective, another episode, and I am so excited for my guest today. I got to meet her in person. I got to, you know, really witness her story live, and I felt like I had to call her, bring her on the pod. I'm like, we gotta make this happen. So I am so excited to introduce today Dr. Ruhi Jilani. How are you today? I'm good. And thank you so much for having me. When I heard about your podcast when you were describing it, I was like, I have to be on. This is everything I stand for. So thank you for thinking of me. I'm honored to be here. Of course. Well, thank you for coming on. I know you are like extremely busy. So I was just so happy and grateful that you were down to come and talk to the moms listening. One thing I've noticed since becoming a mom two years ago, right? I'm like, This community is just so cool for so many reasons, right? The mom community. I feel like we at the end of the day, no matter what kind of mom you are, this or that, I'm like, we all come together at the end of the day and just go like, hey, this is hard. So let's let let's connect, right? Let's build community around motherhood. Every mom's story is so different, right? And so and just so unique. And when I heard your story, I was like, We have to talk about this on the pod, because you are so open about it too, which I hope you know like. really does help a lot of women and moms to feel heard, seen, connected. So before we dive into that, I would love for you to tell us a little bit about yourself. ⁓ I know you're a mom of three and you are a a fertility specialist, essentially. I love it. And not only that, but you also are very open about your own story. So I just think it's it's incredible and your journey is is very inspiring. So go ahead and take it away. Thank you. ⁓ so I'm a fertility doctor by training, and I was lucky enough to know that I would need fertility help very early on. I actually, unfortunately, my parents had a really rough divorce and my mom was abused. So we actually ran away at night and drove to Chicago. ⁓ and when we got here, I was 11 and I hadn't got my period, and I hadn't gotten my period, and every year they'd be like, Okay, but like all my cousins were and Keep in mind, like my mom went from being a housewife to then working at McDonald's and Taco Bell and Subway, and we were living from different houses. So just a really rough time period. So then she started worrying that, ⁓ my God, like did she cause something or something wrong with me? Because when we would go to the doctor, they would constantly say I'm anorexic or have an eating disorder, and that's likely why this happens. She's and I'm just genetically very lean, always my whole life. ⁓ so finally someone, my mom was so frustrated, I was 14. And so she asked her brother who was a doctor, she's one of ten. And her oldest brother said, Why don't you take her to a reproductive endocrinologist and see what, you know, if she's anorexic, that's you know, you could tell from your hormones. So she decided to take me to a reproductive endocrinologist, aka a fertility doctor. And I remember sitting in this waiting room, which I actually live and worked at as an adult. So it's super cool. But I remember sitting there as this little girl in this waiting room. And there was like a lot going on. Like, you know, I don't know if anyone's ever been in a waiting room at fertility clinic, especially when there's nothing's virtual, everything's in person. There's a lot of emotion there. The anxiety, the fear, the happiness, that it just it's very high strung. And I remember being called back and my mom came with me, just like any mom would to a 14-year-old. And this was the first time ever they told her to step out. They said, no, actually, we're gonna see her alone. You need to step up. So I sat in this room waiting for my doctor, and this room was filled with reproductive organs. And and I'm brown, and we don't talk about this kind of stuff in our family at all. So it literally was like a penis and a breast and a baby being born ⁓ out of the canal and I was like whoa like where am I and I remember when my doctor walked in and the first question even before she started speaking because I wanted to know what was I gonna get into like what's going on here and I said what do you do like what kind of doctor are you? And she said, ⁓ and she was so sweet. She goes ⁓ honey I make babies and I was like you make babies not God and I was she goes I put two cells together And it becomes a baby. And I was like, ⁓ my God, I want to be you. I wanna help build families and create life and you know, be a part of that journey. So everything she said beyond that was kind of like way past me. The only message I remember her saying was, I'm gonna need fertility help. And she makes babies. So from that point on, it became my mission that I'm gonna help be build families and be a fertility doctor. In that, like I knew I would need fertility help. And I just didn't, I guess, fathom how much help I would need because I was so laser focused on advancing my career, being, you know, this fertility doctor that I kind of pigeonholed out okay, I'm gonna need help, but it seems like it's okay. Like she didn't make a big deal out of it, ⁓ until I actually got to trying to build my family. And ⁓ it was very difficult. It came with a lot of like poor equality, a lot of frustrations, a lot of not being able to find the right clinic and being told like, get a donor, get a surrogate, we can't help you. And even though I was a doctor, I felt really dismissed because people don't practice that way. People, you know, just say, well, you have a lot of eggs, but they're bad and sorry. And then so I independently as a patient started looking at, well, what can I do better and what can I do different? And what's changing? Like why do I have this? Like what is it in my family that gave me this? So I started practicing really proactively and I finally had my son and I thought, okay, well, you know, this field needs to advance. It's a very young field and we're missing a lot of it. And I thought I could do this through research. And I started I became a Warher scholar, the MD PhD track. And Yeah. Yeah. Congrats. Awesome. Thank you. But it it wasn't it because as we know with the current political climate and everything going on, that it's hard to do research on women that there's not a lot of studies or signs backed. A lot of this is driven by curiosity and us saying like, even like endometriosis, right? Like up until this year, it was, ⁓ you have to have surgery to get diagnosed. And the average time from onset of pain to diagnosis is seven years. Like can you believe like women suffer in this unknown mind space of pain, pain with sex, quality of life for seven years before actually getting a diagnosis. So Just women's health has been ignored for far too long. A lot of the clinical trials are done on our counterparts, which is okay and there's a need and a time, but stuff like this, it's you know, it's very limited. So I couldn't really advance my research to taking it to the human level. So I left and be and went into private practice to say, okay, well, maybe I can practice and I can help educate my patients and So they don't have to feel what I felt. And I, yeah, through that started doing research, became a research director. Through that then grew my practice. And a lot of patients, you know, these typical cases started seeking me out. And we started ⁓ kind of incorporating an integrated approach into holistic care and like mind, body, wellness and healing and being more proactive than reactive, dabbling into kind of like things that are not proven, but proven in other fields, it's extrapolate the data. And through that, everyone's like, well, you need to find your own company because you can't, like this has to be something, a bigger platform, because there's a big need for it. And that's how last year I left and found it my kind of own company, but through my own struggles. Like it's really stemmed from just being really hopeless and being in the darkest of days because it's such an innate need to want to be a mom. Right. Like we grow up and my my three year old says it like, When I grow up I'm gonna be a mommy, but even though we don't say it, we know that hey, when do I go build my family? Like we just think it's gonna happen and it doesn't for everyone. No, no, no. And I learned that as well. ⁓ you know, kind of going into the the motherhood journey, right? Like even miscarriages, I think, for example, are talked about more now, but I just don't really remember that back in the day. I don't know, like maybe pre social media, I don't know. I just don't remember. Like I guess my mom had one. And I mean I understand like it's my mom, she's older than I am. But like I didn't even know until I told her I had one. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's like just really not spoken about. But now I do feel like even, you know, you have a very huge social following. And I feel like even you educate and talk about these topics and make it just so much more normalized. And I think that's so important. ⁓ and you're right. You're absolutely right. So a lot of advice that we're told, right, when we let's say we're going through fertility issues or or we're or we're struggling with fertility. What do you feel is maybe, I don't know if I even want to use the word like, you know, out of like like out of date, right? Like outdated information, but do you feel like everyone's journey is different or do you feel like we should all still start at the same place? Right. And by that I mean, let's say me, for example, which this is a true story. Like I wasn't getting pregnant for a year. And that was sort of what my doctor recommended that we do was try for a year, naturally, like change your diet, write certain things, right? But like we didn't do anything like we just literally like, you know, do the deed and eat right and exercise, things like that, right? Lifestyle changes. But then I think about, for example, women who might be slightly older, right? Like, do they have a year to do that and experiment and Like I feel like it's such a a time game as well. And it it can be, right? And I I know people get frustrated because things aren't happening quick enough. But what's your take on that? Like where where would you guide a woman, right, who comes to see you? Like, is it kind of different for everybody? Or do you still sort of start at the same baseline? Like, let's let's start here. I love that you asked me this because if there's one thing I could change, is exactly that. The whole premise is people, including me, right? Like I You would think I'm crazy. You'd be like, Ruhi, you knew at 14 you had PCOS, but why were you afraid to see the doctor? And it wasn't because of the type of help. Like it took me so long, Paulina, to see a fertility specialist because of that, like that idea or notion that, hey, you have to fail before you come see a fertility doctor. And guess what you get with failure is human nature, frustration, anger, right? Sadness. ⁓ And that's when you go to a fertility doctor. So the heightened sense of emotion that patients feel a fertility doctor sees is equivalent to that of someone who's being diagnosed with cancer, a life-threatening disease. That's who we're currently seeing now, and that's what the data shows. But I would love to change that, right? Like the whole premise being onto health is your ovaries are an insight into your aging. They're The most sensitive. So they're a biomarker. Your reproductive hormones are a biomarker of your wellness. So if that function is not existing or something's wrong, then you should address that sooner instead of failing before recognizing the root cause. So we this week acquired a company that's a diagnostic tool that can get to the patient sooner. So they don't have this notion of I have to fail and then I'm gonna get my testing. And then I'm gonna get my testing, then I'm gonna go back and think I can fix it. And then I'm gonna fail again and I'm gonna go see the doctor. So do you know that I'm really big into health equity? And the average time, especially somebody of an ethnic background, any ethnic background, the time that the onset of when they start trying to actually seeking out help is two to three years. That's insane. And like just like you said, like I was lucky that I was in my twenties. So by the time I had my son, I was in my early 30s. But not everyone's that lucky because not everyone finds that partner. Not early or not everyone starts trying. Like if you start trying in your mid thirties and you were not seeking care until two to three years later, you're close to forty, which like take home baby rate drastically drops. Yeah. ⁓ a hundred percent. Yeah, that's why was always so curious. I'm like, you know, are we still following that advice? But like I do like that we kinda well, at least like like you said, like we should be looking into other parts of it, right? And I honestly love that you found out at a young age because I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, I almost feel like too that that helped you like mentally, like you said, kind of prepare of like when that day comes when I have my partner or whatever. If you're doing it by yourself, whatever. You got some tools under your belt. You know. Yeah. And I I just yeah, I I do love that you're as unfortunate obviously as it is, I do love that you were able to like find that out at a young age and like, you know, take your steps. But like I'm curious too, right? Cause There's like a big difference between understanding for ⁓ infertility as a doctor, right? And then obviously experiencing it on your own body. So I'm wondering like, what did becoming the patient teach you that medical training could never or or couldn't? ⁓ my God, so much. It's such a loaded question. I can talk on and on about this. What being a patient really taught me is this sounds horrible, but our system's broken, our healthcare system's completely broken. That number one, You already highlighted this, but you have to fail before you see a fertility doctor. That you can't get your testing done or covered until you fail. So I have to code and write, even though ninety percent of states cover diagnostic testing, I have to say that you have in fertility or have tried for a year and are not successful to even get that c testing covered. A lot of this is not currently covered by insurance. So it becomes a big financial. burden on the patient. So that's makes it harder for patients to enter that landscape or even consider it because as soon as they think fertility, they think IVF, and then they think money, and then they think the financial burden. But if it didn't have that connotation, and then we could intervene earlier or test sooner, then they wouldn't need such intrusive and invasive testing, like or the treatment. That if what I needed to successfully get pregnant and even conceive like after my field cycles, my daughter spontaneously Had I not met my partner earlier, like in my 40s, I needed way more intervention and medical treatment to have my baby that I have now. Just because age. Age dictates fertility. So that's broken, right? The whole notion of fertility is broken. And then the infrastructure, the operating system. So I so many instances, like I switched to every clinic. I didn't live in this state. I lived in another state because there's long Timelines to see a fertility doctor because it's a subspecialist. So we're rate limited by the number of doctors available. It can take months on months to see the doctor. Number two, once you do your diagnostic testing, then you have to wait again to start treatment to meet with the doctor provider. Everything's kind of constrained by this doctor's availability or timeline. So being a patient, like when I had my first IVF cycle, I had nothing make it. I had to wait a couple of months to see the doctor to figure out my next steps. When I had a negative pregnancy test, I had to wait for my period, call the clinic, only to be told the doctor's not available. You have to meet with them before I give you an exception. Like you right, like it's two to three months, but those one two to three months cumulatively add up. It took me five years to have my son, which is insane and frustrating. And once again, I had the luxury of time because I started intervention sooner, but not everyone does. So in my current practice, what I've done is I've picked the patient pain points, like at what point was I like so frustrated, I said, Give me my record, I need to leave. Even though I knew mentally I'm starting the same thing over again, it just felt I felt better, right? Like as a mom, as a patient, you understand that like it's so upsetting to be told, Well, you have to wait for somebody to decide next steps. When you yourself know the next steps, I'm like my period's coming, when I'm gonna late again, what do I do now? So I fixed that infrastructure with my operating model. So I'm very operationally driven. Like what does that patient journey look like? It's a what's that roadmap? When do you need intervention? So all of my patient have appointment type set up. They have constant check-ins. I needed a partner. Like I tr I hated when someone said, You have to do this. And it may be the type A in me, I don't know how you are, but when someone says you have to do this, I'm like, but why? But like that annoying toddler, but like why? But why? Tell me why. Like I'm not gonna fight you, but tell me why. Like, you know, like you'll get my buy-in. So I try to educate my patients a lot more than just randomly say you have to do this. Hundred percent. And like fertility treatment as well, you know, can really I'd say make us kind of feel like a lot of different emotions, right? And you mentioned like it is hard. So Sometimes I feel like at one point you probably feel like your body is just at this point becoming just a project, right? Appointments, medications, numbers, like I'm talking like the constant monitoring. So how did you protect your sense of self while like going through this? I took a lot of breaks. I always tell my patients like mental breaks are so important. I did not do that in my first journey. I just thought like any day wasted, especially because I was waiting on someone else's time and an appointment for next steps. I mean My son's twelve now. So this was way back when when there was really no mid level providers, like everything you know, nothing was electronic. There was no social media. Like you truly were just stuck in this like dark hole, I felt like. And I didn't protect my peace. I didn't seek out help or therapy. I was constantly in this like I didn't share my journey. I was like head down, laser focused. Like, I have to do this. If I can't do this successfully, I'm a failure. So my Postpartum was really difficult. It finally, like when I delivered, it was traumatic. I was I had an infection. He was on the NICU. I was on this maternal special care. Like I was sick. So it was disastrous, but it also felt like complete detachment because I was on this high and of this like guarded feeling that I didn't know how to feel that happiness from like actually getting to what I longed for. As opposed to my last journey, this one also took just as long, but I protected my peace. I shared my journey. Like as I'm glad to hear that it helps others, but it also really helped me. It was like, you know, like a diary. Like this is what happened today. Like this is my miscarriage and this is unfortunate and I'm bleeding. But like help me share my feelings. I also really did breaks. Like I always said my patients, like breaks are okay. I took breaks. Yeah. No, that's great advice. I 100% agree. And what as far as you know your own personal journey. What do you feel like from the day like that you were like, okay, I'm going to try to conceive, write my son like your first pregnancy? What kind of steps do you feel like you took that kind of like helped you prepare? Like, do we still do the like make sure we're eating healthy? I know obviously, like, you know, you knew, and again, like that was a wonderful that you were able to know that ahead of time, like kind of where you stood with that. But like, were you like, we're gonna eat healthy, we're gonna exercise, or were you more because I know you mentioned the holistic approach, or did that kind of come later? It definitely came later, unfortunately. Came out of my own journey because it was like, ⁓ you have PCOS, but you're skinny. Actually, a doctor tell I'm too skinny. Once again, same thing. You're too skinny, wrong diagnosis. You don't have PCOS. So, like no one really said, Well, let's look at your metabolic health, let's look at your cholesterol, let's look at your blood sugar, let's look at your vitamin D level. Like I had so many miscarriages and like come to find out later, like I started doing a study. I'm like, there must be something I'm missing. So I I checked my own D. Then I started supplementing it. Then I started looking at like knockout mice model. There was a doctor I started following. Her name was Dr. Neil Perry. She's an African American. But she said when you have melanated skin, you don't process vitamin D. And vitamin D receptors are in your uterus. And when you're lacking that, you can miscarry. And like I was like mind-boggled. Like no one was sharing this with me. And when I would ask my doctors, they'd be like, ⁓ they're animal studies. I'm like, Well, there must be something to this, right? Like I get there's not and that's where I guess my frustration comes from. Like I get these are animal studies and I get we're limited in doing women's studies, but this is an observation. Like, do you see women who are brown or but PCOS have low vitamin D? Do you see that they have a higher miscarriage rate? ⁓ let's see. You know, like it's not I'm not saying, ⁓ let's go sell vitamin D supplements or scream at the rooftop, but let's let's just see, let's restore it, let's see. Like That's what I needed. That's the kind of approach I needed. So this holistic approach came from my own journey to see, let's see and let's learn everyone's bodies different. I wish, I I don't know how you were, but I was like, ⁓ we're gonna try and we're gonna get treatment. Everything was reactive. Like I remember drinking ice drink soda all the time, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And then I realized I like, wow, that's a lot of caffeine. What does that mean? Like I was really reactive. Yeah. ⁓ no, a hundred percent. I'm trying to think. Yeah, I mean for me, like personally ⁓ so we tried for well, I had the miscarriage, right? And then nothing was happening for a year and I'm like, ⁓ my god, like what do I do? And then I started getting like information solely but surely, right? The doctor was kinda telling you this is what you're gonna do, you're gonna I'm probably saying this all wrong, so please correct me, but something about a dye test with a dye I was Gonna do that. That was the next step. And then I know there was obviously which I think is easier too, testing of the well 'cause you should also test the male partner as well, if you can, right? I'm assuming. Kind of see if there's maybe like something going on there. 'Cause I feel like they wanted my husband to do his testing as well. But they mentioned like my husband too. Like I know that was something that was mentioned for testing for him. And then yeah, they mentioned a couple of different things. And and you're so right. It's all very overwhelming and everything. And then I ended up getting pregnant. So I didn't I didn't go through with that. And actually I think maybe I'm trying to think. I know your name was brought up too during that time. This was like two years ago. Yeah, yeah. ⁓ at my office that I work at. I work at iHeart well, that's where we met. And ⁓ they had mentioned you a couple of the I think there might be some IBF moms too in that in that Building. I know. I was like, wait, send me these doctors. Like, I need to get on it. But it did happen that way. But I do feel like per usual, now that we are in a big social media age, right? And obviously you're huge on social. So I love that not only do you share your story, but you do debunk myths. And I'm curious two questions, right? I'm a little two-parter here. What do you think is one of the biggest myths that you have to debunk or maybe, you know, correct women on that they come to you and they're so like, I just I know this is it and you're like, honey, like it's not. Or maybe, you know, there's a gentle way that you might present certain things to them, but what's like the number one that you can think of? I would say the number one myth up until this last two years was my partner doesn't need testing me or like not doing tandem testing, which is crazy to think, right? Like I would see the female alone. And then they would bring their partner in. That I would say that was something that we really fought as a field. And now you see a very in like both partners. The other thing which I hate and it actually makes me really sad because I feel like we're doing a bad job as a field, that patients get their testing and they're like, Well, there's nothing wrong. So I'm gonna go back to trying. So it's that core definition of infertility. So I try to tell patients that infertility doesn't mean that something's wrong with you, or we're overtly gonna see something wrong with you. That The definition of infertility is one year of unprotected intercourse and you're not successfully pregnant. So it's not just test, it's testing and interventions merited at that point. So I think what if we could change the narrative, just like you said, like do your testing instead of failing before and then go try if you don't see anything wrong. And then if you fail, then come back, would be so much easier to process as a patient, right? Like imagine even before you had to go through the miscures or have to go through something to know, like, hey, Thes these are my chances. Like patient education will be so much better. But I think that's probably the hardest thing to like debunk when I tell them like everything's normal, but hey, one third of couples fall in this normal bucket. And your title is unexplained, but it's still infertility. It's like mind boggling. Like, so you've done nothing wrong, but there's still something wrong. Right? It's it's just like saying it out loud sounds crazy. I can a hundred percent see that and relate to that 'cause you're right. Like if you're not quote finding something right, like, ⁓ this is elevated or you have, you know, PCOS, whatever it might be, and you're just so nothing's wrong, but something's wrong. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I can see it being frustrated again. And what about this could be a newer myth too, just because I feel like the the rise and the popularity of like GLP one, something that I saw a lot on the internet was and I'm sure I'm sure you've heard it too, even like in your office or social, but the old Ozempic baby, right? What are your thoughts on that? I feel like that's been a really big conversation the past couple of years. Yeah. So it I mean, it's true, right? Ozempic babies are patients who, like a PCOS patient, have metabolic syndrome. So, what metabolic syndrome does is it makes your insulin spike, which then causes your testosterone to go up, and that inhibits ovulation, essentially, or you don't ovulate. So when you treat your insulin resistance, your testosterone levels go down, then you spontaneously start to resume ovulation. So those osempic babies and patients who don't ovulate are those PCOS patients. There's really no data for osempic utilization for infertility. There's some animal studies again that show that there may be GLP receptors on the endometrial lining. So maybe patients who have endometriosis or adenomyosis can lower their inflammation. I'm in their high risk of miscaring. So maybe it could help with that, but there's really no human trial. So yes, Ozemphic babies were a real thing. These patients started ovulating because they started losing that insulin resistance component. Okay. Okay. No, that's good to know. Cause sometimes I would see that and I'm like, okay, I could see that. I mean, I ⁓ I'm not the doctor by any means. And I'm like, I could see that, but you're right, like, or like the stories and everyone's on TikTok sharing their experience. And I was always curious too about that, especially when I was trying to get pregnant. Of course, I don't know how you like are how you were too a young time, but it's like you just rabbit hole everything. Two in the morning. You're like watching, Googling. I know. I was I was nuts and I had to stop eventually. I was like, that's that's enough. It would drive me crazy. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ a hundred percent. So I kinda wanna dive more into like you and your family life and obviously your business onto health. So you said a year ago, you sort of branched off and Did your own thing, created, you know, your own I'm gonna call it your own place of of just Dr. Roofie. Like this is this is your baby. This is your what, your fourth baby too. ⁓ so I got the idea a year ago. I because I realized I was practicing really fragmented and I was practicing very different than my partners at this big network. Okay. And because this is not the standard of care, it would be always like ⁓ Ruhe and her patients, Ruhi and the way she practices. Like I started It it was harder, right? Like when you're trying to practice very personalized medicine, which to me this is very personalized medicine, yet like be investigational and treating everyone as an individual and looking at what everyone needs, you get the most challenging patients. Like I I do some really difficult cases. So a year ago I became a key expert opinion leader for a company who invests in fertility and women's health. And then they were like, Wow, you have such a unique approach and You really need to start a company. And I was like, no, you know, I'm fine. Like I have a very busy family life. I have a huge family. And I was like, I don't know if I want to do this. And to be very like just friend talk, you know, sometimes when you just like lose hope, because first I thought I was going to do it through science and research of that night. Then I thought I was going to do it with in a boutique practice. Then I thought I could do it in this big network. And so I was like, well, maybe I'm just destined to do it. At one patient at a time. And I kind of settled on that. That was like, let me just do it one patient at a time. Whoever seeks me out, I will be that source. And maybe I can't mass do this. Like it's not the right time. And when they became friends with this company, they just kept they're like, You really need to do this. You're missing out. And you know, so many people come to you. And it shouldn't be that you have to have a ruhey to have hope. It should be that there's a place for patients like this. So I finally in October. was told by somebody that I'm replaceable in my company. And I think it kind of struck a chord. Yeah. And I said, Yeah. And I I I don't think I took it well. I don't know if I was having a bad day too. And I was like, well, you know what? I quit. And they're like, okay. And I was like, okay, I quit. And like it felt really good. So I quit my job in October and I gave my ninety days and started on to help it the day after. So we're in our infancy or six months in at best. And it's been fun. It's come with its own challenges, like construction or things like I never had to do, my own credentialing and licensing and right all of that fun stuff. ⁓ but yeah, it's been a journey. That's such a beautiful, fun journey. No, I love I mean, I hate how that happened, but I love that you branched off and like at the same time like almost knew like, okay, this was the route. Cause like you said, you're like, you were, you know, debating this way, this way, like what should I do? And and now the pieces have fallen together. And I think this way too, you're able to help a lot more women, right? Yeah. And aspiring mothers, probably at a much higher and successful rate than before. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I can standardize protocols. I can you know like you don't have to see me. And it's so sad. Like I s I just saw this patient from Canada. Like I don't know how to get to you, but I really need you. And it's so sad to, you know, like have to have said, no, and now I can standardize a protocol. I can share. I could do I could help people at scale. And that's always been my dream. Like, how do I leave an impact, right? Like how do I how do patients not have to go through what we had to go through? Like how are you not ashamed to be in that position? 100%. And what about like just your everyday balance, right? So now we've got like I'm gonna call it the fourth baby, right? The the the business. Like you said, you're doing things you've never had to do and like really think about or deal with. Plus you have three little ones. ⁓ you have well you have a to your twelve year old and then your two other kids. And then you also have, like I said, a large following on social. So that takes a lot of discipline, right? A lot of posting and like coming up with content. People think it's so easy. ⁓ my God, it is not. Like I literally have to like write ideas down or I just I won't do it or I'll forget. So and I hate the question of like, well, how do you balance it all, right? Because it's like no one ever asks dads that. If it's always a mom's, how do we balance it? How do you do it is my question, right? Because every mom I love one thing I love about motherhood is that every mom they've got their way and it just works. So I'm curious for you, like what kind of how do you do that and and handle it all? Yeah. I'm gonna start with saying I have a lot of help. I have a huge family. I love that. I'm advocate for help. I'm huge on Same. And I feel like anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. I'm like they're secretly doing it and not sharing it, which I found a lot of moms do. And I was like, Shame on you for making me feel like I'm I'm incompetent. But most of my help comes from my parents. My parents have been a huge asset. I had my son in residency, which if anyone's ever done an Obegini residency, you know you they work you to your limit. Like you were clocking in a hundred and twenty hours a week. So you live at the hospital, you barely come home. So my mom raised both of my older ones. So they're 12 and 10. All my kids call my mom mom and they call me and my husband by our first name. So because she's she's always with them. Like she they always say, like my son will say, Well, mama took me home from the hospital. And you know, everyone's Well, doesn't that bother you? And I'm like, No, because all that shows me is they have so much love that they have so many people to turn to, right? Like Who doesn't want their kids to be loved? And it's not like they don't right? No, I'm like, 'cause my daughter has both grandmas. We're five minutes away. That's on that's by design. I'm like, why would I ever bother me? Like I didn't have a single grandparent growing up. No biological grandparents. Why would that bother me? Sorry, I just get so heated about that. No. Same, same. I l I loved it. So and yeah, they they do it all the time. Like last night, my daughter woke up at midnight, the baby, and she said, Can I go to mama home? And I was like, of course you can go to mama home. And then she looks, she's like, but she she calls me mommy. She goes, but mommy, I'll come back in seven days, okay? And I was like, okay, you do that. She's three. Like, you do that, you come back in seven days. ⁓ but yeah, so I ha I have a lot of family that help support my cause and mission. And in addition to having them there for my kids, it shows me that they really believe in what I'm doing. So that's a whole nother added benefit, right? Like somebody believes that you taking time away from your family and your kids is truly a value added to our society. So I love that. And the but I'm gonna leave the thought with, I'm not good at everything. Like some days you're gonna be a good mom, and some days you're gonna be a good CEO, and some days I'm a great doctor. And I used to be really hard on myself when I couldn't be good at everything every day. And I think it's important to remember and that you can't be right. Like you're gonna have bad days and apologies are okay and saying, Hey, I didn't have the best, especially when it comes to patients. Like I am the busiest fertility doctor in the country. But every single one of my patients has my cell phone number. I memorize everyone, I review everyone because I never want people to feel how I felt. Like I really felt like a number. One of my fertility doctors literally the I've not I'm usually not a mean person at all. But I was speaking at a conference and she came up to me and introduced herself and I literally couldn't control it. Paulina, I was like, I've been your patient for four years. And she was like, ⁓ I knew that and I was literally to be like, No, you didn't. You did not know that. But nice to meet you. So, like, my whole purpose is never to make somebody feel like that. But it it is, it's it's hard. It's very hard. So I have to remind myself that I'm not gonna be perfect at everything every day. And that's okay. And and that's okay. One hundred percent agree with that. ⁓ I love it. No, I just I love your mentality. I love your mindset. You know, I think I I think what you're doing is important in all your roles from, you know, being a mother to again being, you know, f a fertility specialist, helping others. Like every role and every hat that you wear is what makes you you, but like also like you I I think that you are the like the best version of yourself for everybody too. And I think that does does stem from a like doing what you love truly. I do think because you have again so much experience living it, right? And then shout out to the village, which, you know, your parents are a big help and that's such a blessing. I love that for you. What do you think fourteen year old Ruhi would think of you today? That's loaded. I'm an overachiever. This is gonna make me cry because fourteen year old Rui was ⁓ Yeah. ⁓ be proud. Think so too. Now I'm gonna cry. I'm such a little I know. I gotta I gotta chill. ⁓ my god. I think she would be very proud too. I think she would be very proud of you. Just I don't know. You puff so many people. You've been coming on this podcast. I hope you know someone is listening right now and like getting the hope that they are looking for, right? Or some clarification, some kind of answer, some sign from above, whatever that might be, you know? 'Cause I remember being in that position and I was like This might have to it might have to be me, right? That one year mark, I was like, We just hit it, so let's get to work, you know? And I was mentally preparing for it 'cause I knew it would be a journey. Like and I was grateful that the option was there though to begin that, you know, and and start that. Like obviously, you know, we didn't have to and it just happened and then I got pregnant like I was three months pregnant at my wedding. That was not planned. That's the funniest part. I had this I had a Vegas wedding, I was insane and I know I was but I was so excited. I'm like, We got the party bus, you we have Elvis driving us. I'm gonna be so drunk. It's gonna be crazy wedding weekend. We had like, you know, a hundred people. Yeah. It was pregnant. So I was like, well, we're gonna do this like crazy wedding weekend that I thought. I mean, they all had a good time. Okay. Me, I was sober, but everybody else had a good time. ⁓ but I just it's a joke now too, because I'm just like, yeah, like I'm not gonna get pregnant. Like that's crazy. And guess who got pregnant? Three I was three months wearing this. I wasn't showing yet, but people knew obviously, but like I wasn't showing. So I still I still get to wear the same dress I bought the whole thing. So it all worked out. But it's just it's too funny. The story I always just laugh at myself. So that was kind of a clump. So amazing and that's so amazing, right? Like I'm so glad that something came from like you even sharing with like people at your workspace. Like I feel like that's such a burden offloaded, but also creates that sense of community that I feel like we need. Yes. ⁓ yeah, hundred percent. Like I know like I'm like you I'm a yapper by nature, but like, you know, when it comes to to subjects like this, I just always I always wanna make sure people know that like A, you could be comfortable talking to me about it. And then number two, understand that like we're probably going through similar situations or similar things, you know, especially in this motherhood journey. So yeah, no, I was I was glad that I was able to talk to them and I I feel like you know who I'm talking about too at what is cool to like bond over that 'cause I never I never expected that, you know. So It was good. It was good stuff. So I really appreciate you being here today. Where can we follow you on social? And then also, are you taking new new clients or new patients if somebody wants to see you? I am. We're taking new patients. And right now we do ⁓ fertility and holistic health. And you can find us at Onto Health or you can find me on social at Ruhi Jelani MD. So my biggest platforms, Instagram. But I am trying to branch, I'm trying to be better. I mean, props to you for launching a podcast with a toddler. I like dabbled into it last year and was like, ⁓ my god, this is so much work. Yeah. It is, it is. But like you said, I got the village like, you know, watching her downstairs literally right now. We're about to get ready for nap soon. And then ⁓ I I send this off to my editor. He's gonna see this right now. Shout out to Norsen. I mean like you said it just it takes people yeah make this ecosystem work. So yeah, I mean if you get your podcast going, I would tune in. Like you need to ⁓ you would ⁓ I recorded. It's called it was called well, I don't know if I'll change the name, but it was called Doctor Am I Ovulating? Because that's how I started. I'm like, do you know how when you start tracking, you're like starting? I'm like, Am I actually ovulating? What does that mean? Yes. So I was like, that should be the name because I was told I'm not gonna ovulate. And then I started thinking, Am I gonna ovulate? ⁓ I recorded like four sessions and then I stopped the editing. I was like, This is a lot of work. ⁓ but yes, I will let you know if I ever get back to it. Yes. Awesome. Well, thank you for being here today. We appreciate you. Course, thank you for having me.