Latest / The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast / 86. Information vs Integration - Why consuming content isn’t the same as becoming strategic

Transcript

86. Information vs Integration - Why consuming content isn’t the same as becoming strategic · The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, lovely parents.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's Danielle Black and this is the Post Separation Abuse Podcast.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about a truth that is both uncomfortable but also freeing.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Listening to this podcast can absolutely change how you think about your situation, but it isn't going to change how you show up unless you're able to integrate the information.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Information can create awareness, but integration is what creates transformation.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been living in survival mode, Googling late at night, binge listening podcasts, trying to make sense of a confusing situation or a confusing legal system, you're not doing anything wrong.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're trying to get your footing.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I get it, I've been there.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: But today I want to gently challenge you.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Are you consuming or are you truly building capacity?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's a difference.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that difference really does matter for both you and your children.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let's be real, information can feel really satisfying, but the integration component can feel really fucking confronting.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually really easy to listen, particularly if you're whacking in the airpods while you're going about doing other things.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: It is much harder to actually do the work.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Integration requires slowing down, thinking strategically, documenting regulation instead of reaction, building evidence even when you're tired, holding firm boundaries, and learning how to communicate and document credibly.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: It requires deep work, not just surface level knowledge.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can gather all of the information that you can find online and in podcasts about coercive control.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You can know what grey rock and yellow rock means.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can understand the basics of attachment theory, but in the moment when your ex is sending you a challenging message, when your kids are dysregulated, when you're unprepared for the family report and the outcome's not what you hoped for, your nervous system, not your knowledge, is what's going to lead.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: The integration component is what strengthens the part of you that can actually lead with clarity and credibility.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like watching swimming videos for years.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Not that anybody would necessarily, but bear with me.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: You could watch swimming videos for three years, but when you're thrown into the water, if you've never actually practiced the swimming, I'm guessing you're still probably going to sink.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Listening to this podcast is like watching swimming videos.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas one-on-one coaching and utilizing the blueprint is like getting into the actual pool.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: The blueprint and or coaching is where you learn to structure your documentation properly, write in a way that's child focused, track behavior patterns, prepare for meeting with a report writer, document the impacts of things to your kids credibly, practice nervous system capacity, and most importantly, become the expert in your own case.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not passive learning, it's training, it's integration.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And here's some things that I think so many of us on this journey have needed to hear.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I'll do what I do best and just speak plainly.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many things in this life that are quote nice to have.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: A cleaner is nice to have.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean I don't actually have one, so I wouldn't know.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I hear they're great.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Pilates is also nice to have if that's something that you regularly attend.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: A Timu haul is sometimes nice to have.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Look, we've all been there, the dopamine shopping's real.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And just a segue briefly for a minute, seriously, you buy one thing from Timu and then they are messaging you like never before unless you cut that shit off then and there.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's like that annoying X that just will not go away.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I digress back to the point.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: The point being that the blueprint is not a nice to have.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually a need to have if you want to go from being overwhelmed to genuinely protective.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because here is the just truth at its most raw.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you are not the expert in your own case, your case is absolutely going to be led by people who don't know your kids like you do.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Lawyers know the law.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: So do barristers.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: They know precedents.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: But only you know the patterns, the attachment cues, the signs of dysregulation, the coercive control, the triggers, what safety actually looks like for your kids.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't articulate that clearly, even when you're challenged by professionals, the system can't do a lot for you in many cases.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is why being able to integrate what you're learning matters.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And integration's not glamorous.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's opening up module seventeen about coercive control after you've got the kids into bed when you really just want to binge watch something instead.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking of binge watching, so glad that the next season of Stranger Things is out.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a bit of a fan, I've been waiting for this for a very, very long time.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: So if any of my coaching clients are listening to this and you ever want to have a bit of a chat about Stranger Things, I'm here for that.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, back to what else integration is as opposed to being glamorous.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's updating your evidence log for either, you know, ten to fifteen minutes a week or maybe a longer period of time each month.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's preparing for meeting with a report writer.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's doing some regular emotional and nervous system grounding activities.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's noticing patterns instead of the one off incidents.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's building your stamina and your capacity, your tolerance for the situation you're in, for the reality that this is the person that you're going to be co-parenting with likely for quite a long time.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And none of these are really big, huge steps.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're actually small steps taken consistently.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's what creates change.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been listening to this and thinking that you know that you need more than just insights, that you actually need a bit more structure, if you've come to the conclusion that you don't want to be one of those many parents that crumbles under the pressure or ultimately handballs the decision making about your children's well-being to your lawyers.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you've come to the decision that you want to be able to hold the line and advocate effectively all the way through, then the blueprint is where that transformation begins.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: There's currently a big discount off the blueprint, our biggest discount ever, that is not coming back anytime soon.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And importantly, there will be no Christmas discounts on the blueprint either.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: The team at Danielle Black Coaching is going on leave from the 17th of December until mid-January.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're thinking about the blueprint, if you've been thinking about it, if you're currently thinking about it, please do join before December 12 because not only will you get$300 off, but you'll also get complementary access to AI Daniel until May 2026.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: So again, information can help open your eyes.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: The information that's on my website, that's on this podcast, that's available elsewhere online.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: But integration of that information is what changes your life, can change the overall outcome of your case, can change your confidence and your kids' future.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so proud of you and thankful for you to be here listening.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm even more thankful and proud for those of you who are choosing to take action and to move forward with either one-on-one coaching on a regular basis andor the blueprint.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're not just surviving, you're not just consuming information, you're integrating that information.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: You truly are stepping fully into becoming the most protective parent that you can possibly be.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: You truly are becoming the expert in your own case.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for your time.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to chatting with you again soon.