Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / Ep. 17 – Stresses in Relationships

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Ep. 17 – Stresses in Relationships · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Rise Up.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Live Joy Your Way with Comedy Wood.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to step into your power.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: I am Comedy Wood, and beyond hosting this podcast, I'm a certified life coach that works with individuals on healing that relationship with yourself and ending the outsourcing of self-worth in order to build healthier relationships with others and also define success and happiness for yourself and choose the life that you want to live.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Last week we talked about stress and how stress can be a good thing if come if it's dealt with, but that stress over a long period of time when it leads to overwhelm could lead to trauma and issues within your own self.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: This week I wanted to dive into stress in regards to relationships.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: So again, stress stems from many sources, and they can have very damaging effects on our emotions, our thoughts, and our behaviors.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Therefore, if we're in a relationship, it can negatively affect that partnership.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just dive into five main sources of stress in a relationship.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: The first one being infidelity.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: If one partner or both have an affair, obviously some relationship stress is inevitable.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: If we find out that a partner has been unfaithful, whether it being an emotional affair or a physical infidelity, this can cause an enormous amount of distress for the relationship.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now, while infidelity does not necessarily mean that the relationship will end, moving forward is going to take work, dedication, and could be a long and somewhat painful process.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because for a relationship to fully heal, both people in the relationship need to be committed to rebuilding trust, being willing to forgive, being willing to work on reconnection, and of course moving on.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: When couples are in such a situation, they more often than not find the need to find counseling.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: And it's important to find a safe space where there is the ability to restore that peace, rebuild the trust, and also learn strategies to cope with external stresses which may have led to or at least been a contributing factor to the infidelity in the first place.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: A second uh source of stress in relationships is a lack of commitment.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: So if you are in a relationship but somehow you are not sure whether that relationship is the one that you should commit to, uh you and your partner may get along well, but there is a part of you that's still not totally convinced that it's a good fit.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And you may be asking yourself if there are other things in life that you want, or if you know your part this partner is the right one to go on the journey of life.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: That doubt and the unwillingness to give up that independence or question whether or not you want to stay open for other options, that is all a lack of commitment to the other person.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that in and of itself can cause a stress on the relationship and eventually would end up destroying the relationship.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Another issue that causes stress in relationships is poor communication.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think that this is a huge one.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Poor communication between partners can lead to frustration, anger, dissatisfaction, and just all around is a very huge source of stress in relationships.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: It is so important that, and we don't talk about this in school.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we talk about and we learn about academics, but the actual concept of communication is not ever really taught to us.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, we grow up and then we end up in these relationships and we don't totally have the tools available to us to communicate in a healthy way.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: So it's important to recognize that we have to honor how we're feeling and what we need, and then learn to communicate those requests to our partner in a way where our partner has the opportunity and the autonomy to respond to those requests.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: And if they can't meet the requests that we're making of our partner, maybe they can offer a compromise, and then we get to converse with our partner about whether or not that compromise request is something that we can live with.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's when we don't communicate and we we fail to really communicate to our partners how we're feeling or what we're needing that leads to the stress.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said, though that stress will come out in terms of frustration and anger.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, when we are angry or we're frustrated, usually it's because there's an unmet need behind it.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so if we can really get down to it and we can communicate to our partners what our needs are, we're able to communicate in a healthier way.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's when we come at our partner with the use statements and the almost the accusatory tone, right?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because as soon as we come at somebody with a use statement, they're automatically put on the defensive, and they feel like they either have to justify themselves or defend themselves or argue their point, versus when we can try to come from an you know, we observe how we're feeling, and then we are able to communicate how we feel what our need is and request something of our partner.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's a less um intrusive way of communicating to the other partner or to your partner.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: What happens when we don't figure out healthy ways to communicate, though, that just is this ultimately just keeps adding that stress on the relationship and can eventually cause the relationship to fall apart.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: A fourth issue and a forced stressor, which causes a lot of stress on relationships, is just finances.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Money is a very common source of stress in relationships.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's because you know, two people are coming together, they may have different spending habits.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: One person may have an old story where they grew up feeling like there was always a lack of money, and the other one may not have the same story.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's finding harmony within that relationship, which actually ties back into communication.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's about really having those open conversations and open dialogue with your partner so that each person can understand it.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's also about doing our own self-work.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: So if we recognize that we're coming into a relationship with an old story around finances, for instance, it's so important that we do that work and that self-healing process on ourselves and for ourselves so that we're not continually bringing in that old story into this relationship, but we're actually trying to heal and move forward.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then a fifth huge stressor for couples is intimacy problems.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I don't just mean physical intimacy, it's also emotional intimacy.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: I will say that I've had a handful of clients recently just talk to me about the fact that they, their relationships fell apart because their partner kept telling them that they couldn't emotionally connect.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: And the truth is that both physical and emotional connection is so important for a relationship to succeed.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yes, we definitely need to identify if there's a physical intimacy issue, and again, goes back to that whole communication thing, talking about it.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: But another part of that is really that emotional intimacy.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: If one person feels that the other one is not connected to them, we you know it's all about communication again, but it's also recognizing, and that's where the self-work comes in, when we can recognize what our old uh false identities have been and our old belief habits have been on an individual basis, and what we're bringing into the relationship, it's so vital to do that work on ourselves and work through what some of those old belief patterns might be that are no longer healthy in order to grow and heal, so that then we are coming into the relationship as a whole healed individual.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: What happens a lot of times when we can't emotionally connect with our partner, it's because we haven't fully identified where we may have been emotionally disconnected in our younger years, and we have not fully identified where those old stories are coming from and fully moved past them.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so important to do that work so that then when we are in the relationship, we're not looking to our partner to either fill us up or we're not blaming our partner for not being able to give us something because we can self-source, and that's why it's so important to really do that inner work so that you are being able to self-source.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um when we don't deal with these issues, we don't um manage the stress in the relationship.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: It can be uh it can destroy the relationship, and so the a few I ideas besides uh communication and just really getting good at the communication piece, it's it's you know, working together to identify where and when there is stress in your relationship, um, being able to listen.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: So it's part of the communication, but also um just on its own, really listening and hearing your partner.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times we think we're listening, but we're actually thinking about the next thing that we want to say, which means that we're not actually taking in what our partner is saying, which leads into the concept of trying to be approachable and understanding.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: So when our partner is angry, it's slowing down enough to simply think to ourselves, they're angry.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: What might be their unmet need here?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And likewise, when we're angry, it's slowing down to say, okay, I'm angry, something was my stimulus, but I'm there must be an unmet need that's causing the anger.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: What might that be?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: What might I what might I be able to communicate to my partner so that we could work through this together?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh learning to just offer comfort to your partner.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I talk a lot about gratitude on our own and being able to actually practice gratitude on a daily basis.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: But in when you're in a relationship, it's also equally important to practice gratitude together.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: What are we grateful for together as a couple?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, being able to practice self-compassion not just with ourselves, but with us as a couple, and then also creating rituals together where you know we when you are able to identify stressors in your relationship, coming up with a ritual that will help de-stress that situation and de-escalate the situation and working together to do that.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then finally, the other part of stresses in relationships, when one person feels that they've lost their autonomy, it can cause this undercurrent of stress on the relationship.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: So it's also equally important that both parties in a relationship are able to see their partner, yes, as an equal, but see how you work together interdependently so that it's not a codependent relationship where neither one has their own identity, and it's not an independent relationship where each person is living their own life with no um no interaction between the two of them, but that you come to a place of interdependence where you have the portion of it where it's the us portion, and then each person also has their own identity.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: And just really allowing yourself to be vulnerable and recognizing that you don't always have to be strong or brave, but that it's okay to be vulnerable with your partner and to really communicate, you know, what your feelings are, what your needs are, what your worries are, what your doubts are, so that you guys can work together to build a relationship based on trust and really being connected with one another.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: If at any point in time you would like to discuss what's coming up for you, or would like some support, by all means, I invite you to connect with me.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: You can always grab a time on my calendar at chatwithcomedy.com or feel free to visit my website at comedywood.com.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: I am happy to support in any way I can.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, I am Comedy Wood.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening to Rise Up.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Always remember your uniqueness and the gift that you bring to this world.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Life happens for you, not to you.