Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Kash Patel Gets Tangled in Bestiality Questions _ Don Jr. Gets a Blushing Bribe _ The Daily Show

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Kash Patel Gets Tangled in Bestiality Questions _ Don Jr. Gets a Blushing Bribe _ The Daily Show · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Let's kick things off with Pete Hegseth, Secretary of Defense
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: and guy at the tattoo parlor who's always getting asked,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: are you sure? He may be in charge of a
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: war that we're clearly losing, but don't worry, Hegseth is
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: laser focused on making sure his next speech looks sexy.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Well, according to the Wall Street Journal tonight, Hegseth's Pentagon
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: is focused on finding troops who embody the Secretary's specific
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: brand of masculinity to serve as the backdrop for his
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: next speech. Commanders are now reportedly being asked to nominate
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: troops who meet Hegseth's waist-to-height requirements and also exhibit quote-unquote
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: impeccable grooming standards.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, is this guy still in charge of the
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: military or is he in charge of casting Love Island?
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: I can just see him screaming like, all these soldiers
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: are going to watch this speech shirtless, so no pepperoni nipples!
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I've never heard anyone say the phrase waist-to-height ratio before.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: This man cannot count the number of missiles you need
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: to fight a war with Iran, but when it comes
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: to male physique, he's a beautiful mind? And asking for
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: impeccable grooming is.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: A little strange, you know? But it's nice to know.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: This administration is finally taking grooming seriously. Well, let's move
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: on from Pete Hexeth to another perfect specimen of masculinity.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: Donald Trump Jr.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: This summer, he celebrated one of the most important days
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: in any man's life, his second wedding.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: We had an awesome small ceremony in the Bahamas.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: It was just absolutely cool. I think I got some video.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: I'll give you sleep.
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Oh, since the day I saw you I have been
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: waiting for you You know I will adore you till.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Eternity What a beautiful ceremony in the church from sinners.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: But poor Tiffany, even at a wedding that's basically in
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: a room, she could only get an obstructed view?
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: Still, I'm not going to hit on this story.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: For once, I'm glad to see that Trump's finally having
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: a family get-together without any corruption.
• 2:34
  Speaker 5: A Russian oligarch with ties to Vladimir Putin paid hundreds
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: of thousands of dollars to help finance Donald Trump Jr.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: 's recent wedding celebration in the Bahamas. Here comes the bribe....
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: From a Russian guy... All right, what did Comrade Oligarch
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: give him?
• 2:52
  Speaker 6: The parties that followed were anything but low-key, including professional
• 2:56
  Speaker 6: dancers and a large fireworks display.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: ProPublica says this.
• 3:00
  Speaker 6: Man, Umar Kremlev, seen in the back of this photo,
• 3:05
  Speaker 6: footed the bill.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: Dang, look at him back there. He paid for all
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: that and he got Tiffany'd?
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Also, the guy who gave them 700K is named Umar Kremlev.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be culturally insensitive, but that name
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: sounds like a knockoff James Bond villain.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: He's a spy from the Kremlin. Let's call him Krem-lev.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: But I'm getting distracted.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: A Russian oligarch with ties to Putin paid for the
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: president's son's wedding weekend. And this is a presidential family
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: of billionaires, which means you just did corruption for the
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: love of the gang. One person who is not happy
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: about the reveal is the bride, Bettina Trump.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: Bettina. I've never seen those letters put together before. Bettina Trump,
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: or as President Trump calls her, Melania. What are you
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: doing here? I thought you'd never come back.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: When Bettina heard people were saying that her wedding was
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: nothing more than a tawdry bribe, she set the record straight.
• 4:18
  Speaker 7: His wife, Bettina Anderson, responded to ProPublica's reporting today with
• 4:22
  Speaker 7: this on Instagram. And our dear friend, Umar, very generously
• 4:31
  Speaker 7: hosted two incredible nights of celebrations for us after our wedding.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, fake news. They didn't pay for my wedding.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: They paid for the much more expensive after party.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: Because I'm not cheap. I'm Bettina.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: This whole family's been making billions off Trump's presidency, and
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: they still can't resist a freebie. Whether it's a Qatari
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: jet or a post-wedding chocolate fountain, all of Trump's kids
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: have front-row.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: Access to everything. Well, almost all of them. But let's
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: move on from Don Jr.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: who technically has no responsibilities in the administration, to someone
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: who does have responsibilities, he just doesn't worry about them,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: FBI Director Cash Patel.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: Yesterday, Cash testified.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Before the Senate, and the FBI is facing a lot
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: of scrutiny right now, so these hearings were a chance
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: for the Senate.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: To really dig in.
• 5:37
  Speaker 8: Um.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: What about the bestiality? I'm sorry, the what now? Did
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: I miss an episode?
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: You know things have gone off the rails when someone
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: has to ask, what about the bestiality?
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: But apparently what happened was earlier in the.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Hearing, Democratic Senator Dick Durbin wanted to ask Patel about
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: a recent decision to loosen.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: Standards for FBI recruits.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: And I guess one particularly loose new standard kind of
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: jumped out.
• 6:21
  Speaker 9: The FBI has lowered its hiring standards by dropping automatic
• 6:26
  Speaker 9: disqualification for applicants who have stolen from prior employees, paid
• 6:31
  Speaker 9: for sex, are engaged in bestiality. Director Patel, do you
• 6:35
  Speaker 9: believe those who have previously stolen from employers, solicited sex,
• 6:41
  Speaker 9: are engaged in bestiality, are qualified candidates that the FBI
• 6:45
  Speaker 9: is losing?
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: Thank you for bringing this up so we can get
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: to the truth of the matter.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: We are witnessing history here, all right? This may be
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: the first time ever someone's response to what's up with
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: the bestiality is, thank you for bringing that up.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: Like, these are the standards you're lowering?
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Maybe the new standard should be, only needs to do
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: 20 push-ups, and not, can't go to a petting zoo
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: wearing gym shorts. So this whole thing apparently confused Republican
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Senator John Kennedy, who asked Patel, what old regulations were
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: we actually under discussion here?
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: The regs wrote it up in a fashion before I
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: arrived that addressed prostitution, bestiality, and trafficking. They were there
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: before I got there.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: Tell me what it said before.
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: It automatically disqualified any individual who participated on either side
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: of it. Obviously, we are never going to hire the criminal.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: This side of what? The bestiality?
• 7:54
  Speaker 8: Yes.
• 7:55
  Speaker 6: So you disqualified the animal?
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, was this a big problem from the animal side?
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Like, are there bomb-sniffing dogs out there who are like, shit.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: The Chinese know I hooked up with Kyle? I am
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: so confused.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: In his fake scenario, the animal participant in the bestiality
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: is the one to blame? Like, there are actually FBI
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: applicants going, yeah, you know how sometimes in an online.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: Dating situation you can get catfished? Well, that happened to
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: me by a catfish.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: How is the head of the FBI losing an interrogation
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: about animal sex?
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: What a fall from grace for the FBI, you know? Like,
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: y'all used to be the cream of the crop.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: The Bureau was the dream team and America's finest law
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: enforcement agency.
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: I mean, y'all killed Dr.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: King. And now look at you. J. Edgar Hoover must
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: be rolling over in his dress right now. And by
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: the way, I'm not the only one wondering why Kash
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Patel made bestiality an issue in the FBI at all.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Senator Kitty and I had the same questions.
• 9:42
  Speaker 8: Why would you, in light of the context and what
• 9:48
  Speaker 8: we're going through and we're having a tough time attracting agents,
• 9:53
  Speaker 8: why would you even get into bestiality?
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: We are not into bestiality.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: Okay, now I definitely think Cash is into bestiality.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Why do I get the feeling there's a video of
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Cash Patel partying in the locker room of the Westminster
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Dog Show? He's just in there like, yeah, Labradoodle, let's go!
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying he does it personally, but, like, maybe
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: his mom had an affair with an owl.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: It would explain a lot, you know?
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: Just.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: So I believe that Kennedy is sensitive to the optics here,
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: but I did some investigating into the Senator's social media,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: and I think I might have uncovered an ulterior motive.
• 10:55
  Speaker 8: Hey guys, John Kennedy here. I've got somebody I want
• 11:00
  Speaker 8: you to meet. This is Lily Grace Kennedy. Even though
• 11:05
  Speaker 8: Lily is a lady, she likes to hump-a-dump my arm
• 11:10
  Speaker 8: after I feed her cheese. when she jumps up on
• 11:15
  Speaker 8: the bed.
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: Hump-a-dump?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Hump-a-dump means that dog is humping the shit out of you.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Hump-a-dump is crazy. Hump-a-dump means that dog is really throwing
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: it back, you know?
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Well, good news. Under Kash Patel, John Kennedy can join
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: the FBI, and so can Lilly.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: For more on the FBI's new policies, let's go live
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: to FBI headquarters with Jordan Klepper. Jordan, why is the
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: FBI director talking about bestiality at a congressional hearing?
• 12:07
  Speaker 10: Uh, because he's a genius, Josh. He's smart like a
• 12:11
  Speaker 10: fox and sexy like one, too. Think about this. Just
• 12:14
  Speaker 10: a few weeks ago, we were all talking about the
• 12:17
  Speaker 10: FBI mishandling the Epstein files and calling them pro-pedophile.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: Well, not anymore. Now we're calling them pro-bestiality.
• 12:27
  Speaker 10: Everyone's playing checkers while Kash Patel is playing chess. And
• 12:31
  Speaker 10: he's moving those horse pieces around real slutty-like.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: Are you saying he's doing this on purpose?
• 12:41
  Speaker 10: Josh, what I'm saying is you need to stop accepting
• 12:44
  Speaker 10: the news at face value and follow me down the
• 12:46
  Speaker 10: rabbit's hole.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: You mean rabbit hole. It's not rabbit's hole. Oh, it
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: is at the FBI.
• 13:04
  Speaker 10: Josh, let me call out the elephant in the room
• 13:06
  Speaker 10: who's looking juicy, BT-dubs. Look, they will change the narrative
• 13:11
  Speaker 10: until the cows come home to their human husbands.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: But can you blame them?
• 13:15
  Speaker 10: It's a dog-eat-human-ass world out there.
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: So you get what I'm saying, Josh? No, I have
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: no idea what you just said.
• 13:23
  Speaker 10: Exactly, and therein lies the strategy. You're not thinking about
• 13:27
  Speaker 10: the gas prices, the Epstein files, or the economy tanking.
• 13:30
  Speaker 10: Your perverted mind is still thinking about that dog-eating-human-ass.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: And that's on you.
• 13:37
  Speaker 8: Jordan.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: Jordan, I don't think Cash has some big plan.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: You know, if he really wanted to change the narrative,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: why doesn't he just solve a big case?
• 13:45
  Speaker 10: I mean, that would change the narrative, wouldn't it, Josh?
• 13:48
  Speaker 10: If Cash Patel suddenly dug in and finally.
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: Solved a years-old cold case? Yeah, that would.
• 13:55
  Speaker 10: Perhaps an enormous case, like finding the Zodiac Killer.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: That would certainly shift focus, wouldn't it? Yes, that's what
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: I'm saying. Yeah, that would be incredible. Well, guess what, Josh?
• 14:05
  Speaker 10: Right now, as I speak, Kash Patel is right over.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: There at a podium, balls deep in a reindeer. Disgusting.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Jordan Klepper, everybody. Thank you.