Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season Two, Episode Five: Of Ducks And Demons

Transcript

Season Two, Episode Five: Of Ducks And Demons · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

0:00
Greeting scum and welcome to Flail the Face.
0:02
I am Kevin, you're Flailmeister once again and I am back with
0:07
all these degenerates. Hey, it's not Holemaster
0:11
anymore. No, we're Flailmaster I I
0:13
changed it last episode from Holemeister to Flailmeister.
0:15
What? I didn't get a vote on that.
0:18
Yeah, I didn't get the memo. You were there, we recorded it.
0:23
That doesn't mean anything in 2025.
0:26
Yeah, I mean, he's got a point. OK, point is, I am Kevin, I am
0:31
your flailmeister and I'm here with these degenerates.
0:33
I'm degenerate number one. I would be Thomas.
0:36
I'm playing Dalton Walls. Hello, I am degenerate #42 I am
0:42
Tom and I am playing Colette Stellarno.
0:45
Oh, are you pointing at me, degenerate #7 playing Donnie?
0:49
I'm Mr. Paschke. That was really awkward, so I'm
0:52
going to make him more awkward. Yeah.
1:01
Flem. I mean flail flail.
1:30
All right, so last we left you guys, you somehow overcame the
1:35
hell spawn that made its way through nowhere, was going
1:37
through the many doorways there, and you brought them back.
1:40
Hell yeah yeah, called it. Much to the surprise of Doctor
1:44
Throckmorton. How there mommy?
1:47
Yes, Mommy was very pleased and. My good boy.
1:52
They've taken Zalia into custody and told you guys to go rest up.
1:57
They set you guys up in a room partitioned off so you have your
2:00
own privacy, but it's the best you've been treated since you've
2:04
been on hole. Next day has come.
2:06
You guys are starting to get rested.
2:08
What exactly are you guys doing as you're in this little slice
2:12
of hole? A little slice of heaven, right
2:13
A. Little hole of heaven.
2:15
Back on the hole, I am probably hungry so I'm looking for
2:18
something. Rats to eat?
2:21
You know, if look, that's I don't judge you.
2:25
I don't go, I don't go around looking at you being like, oh,
2:30
look, it's a lunch lady. I bet her her pockets are just
2:33
full of grease. Not wrong.
2:34
First of all, Danny, I I I judge nobody like I I don't King shame
2:38
me. Secondly, this well, I'm just
2:41
looking at the menu. We got shit on here that like I
2:44
don't even know how to pronounce.
2:45
I don't know what, I don't know what Gaz Petro is.
2:50
Sound sounds fancy, but you have a variable pick of the litter
2:55
here when it comes to food. Yeah, well it all it all stop
2:58
moving and that does don't make it rad.
3:00
Oh, oh, you, you, you like something more?
3:03
Yeah. Like sushi?
3:04
Yeah, well, little fresher than that.
3:07
Does some menu have malted milk balls on it?
3:10
Ah, no, because this isn't 1842. The Planet, 1842.
3:16
I go back to like my table, sit down, start writing in my
3:19
journal. How I hate everyone.
3:23
Yeah, J 6432. Everyone is still insufferable.
3:32
Stop writing my journal. Stop writing out loud.
3:37
So as you guys are having this conversation there is a knock at
3:40
the door. As the door opens up, Colette,
3:43
it is your ex-husband Salt, and he's Wheeling in a cart.
3:46
I massage my temples. I.
3:49
Prepare with. A bunch of silver domed
3:51
platters. Oh, with a cloche?
3:54
I'll look over at Donnie and just like knowing the look of Oh
3:58
yeah, here's the awkward moments again.
4:06
Writing in the journal, we've established he speaks out loud
4:08
as he writes. Yeah.
4:10
And he's like the ex-husband arrived again.
4:12
The sexual tension is just unbearable.
4:17
I will. Kick you in the Dick.
4:19
Colette tries to divert the conversation away by making
4:23
mediocre threats at best on my person.
4:26
Oh my God. As he's standing there listening
4:30
to Dalton basically read his journal out loud, he's like,
4:36
Letty, look, I brought some food for you guys.
4:38
You guys did great. I watched the whole thing and
4:41
you guys did awesome and on your mission.
4:43
And he starts putting out platters in front of everybody
4:46
and he looks at Collette and he's like, I got this one
4:49
special for you, sweetheart. Good, I'll be sure to throw it
4:51
up later. No, I know how you did.
4:54
You got to keep that figure. The pleads platitudes continue
4:58
to fall upon deaf ears as Colette threw off his advances
5:03
with much to do. I will take you at the Thoris
5:06
and that will give you paper cuts on your shriveled little
5:09
Weiner. He's going to have to get in
5:11
line for that. All right, guys.
5:12
I'll see you later. What, what, what?
5:15
Just a moment. They any anything here.
5:18
You know, I I would accept. Grok What?
5:20
What do you got here? We'll.
5:22
Open it up and find out there. Yeah, big boy.
5:24
And he wheels the cart out and closes the door behind him.
5:27
Also I want to know how he watched everything.
5:29
Does anyone else like do this is a pay-per-view service?
5:32
Do we get a cut? Like what?
5:33
Yeah. I was thinking the exact same
5:35
thing. So as you guys open up your
5:39
silver domed platters, it is exactly the meal you've been
5:42
desiring, the thing that you've missed the most from your home
5:46
planet. Oh, what would that be if you
5:49
were to pull something up? Obviously Dalton is missing
5:53
Malted. Balls Malted milk balls with a
5:56
glass of dark chocolate almond milk.
5:59
And you don't have diabetes? How?
6:02
Superior genetics. OK.
6:05
Goes back to the journal, Colette seems to lack the
6:09
understanding of basic biology and.
6:13
I am an alpha male. Oh God no.
6:19
Colette lifts up her cloche and she looks at the sandwich of her
6:25
dreams. It is a breaded chicken cutlet
6:28
sandwich with wing sauce on it, provolone cheese and fried onion
6:33
rings, all on a baguette. And she looks at it and goes,
6:37
oh, baby, there you are, the number 12 from Patsy's deli.
6:43
Oh, fuck yeah. And I take a big chomp of it and
6:46
I go. Oh, remember, your ex-husband is
6:51
the one who procured that for you.
6:53
College is happily eating and she goes what?
6:56
I'm sorry I couldn't hear you. I was in complete and utter
6:59
bliss out of this place. So Donnie lifts the lid of his
7:03
clothes for you guys to see a large bowl and the smell of
7:07
orange duck sauce wafting across the room and the sound of
7:12
tripping of 6 ducklings swimming in the sauce.
7:17
I haven't had meal like this in forever.
7:22
Praise be me, Llama. And he reaches in, submerges the
7:26
little duck. You hear it starts splashing and
7:29
there's orange sauce going everywhere.
7:32
And then he picks it up by its little neck and puts the entire
7:35
duckling in his mouth, and you hear the crunch of its bones.
7:39
That is absolutely fine. No, it's delicious, trust me.
7:44
The sauce really accents everything.
7:46
And would you like what I've got?
7:49
I've got so many I don't know if I can do it.
7:51
Goes back to the journal. Another duckling in his mouth
7:55
makes eye contact. Colette cautiously scoots over
7:59
to Donnie, dips a little bit of her sandwich in the duck sauce,
8:03
and takes a little bite. All right, that's not that bad.
8:06
I have now decided that I am unsure about the overall sanity
8:10
of the rest of my party. Oh, something's about my tongue.
8:12
Oh, it's a feather. So as you guys are enjoying your
8:16
meals, stuff that brings you back to your former homes,
8:21
memories flooding of of the times that you've had these
8:24
meals and the thought that you wouldn't have these meals again
8:28
just kind of fade away. What's everybody's thought about
8:31
what happened on the previous mission?
8:33
Do they feel like it went well? Are you guys critiquing it in
8:37
any way? Do you guys think that there's a
8:39
better approach to doing what you're doing?
8:40
Are you guys coming up with a game plan for the next one?
8:43
Do you know what you're going to be thinking about when you're
8:45
going into this sort of stuff? What's the conversation about
8:48
the last mission? Dalton just kind of closes his
8:51
journal and his like, so our project or whatever, we are part
8:56
of this program for our early release.
8:59
This first experience, I mean, it had snafus, but I honestly
9:07
think this might give me some hope that we might actually
9:11
succeed at this. And he looks over at the chewing
9:14
on the ducklings despite some hindrances.
9:18
What? What?
9:19
What do you think our next mission might be?
9:22
Colette puts down half of her sandwich and she looks at Dalton
9:27
and Donnie and goes, well, I'm not getting hung up on what our
9:30
next mission might be because it might be completely random,
9:32
right? Who knows what bodies we're
9:34
going to be in? For all we know we could be in
9:37
the fucking body of Space Raccoon or just another dead
9:42
guy. Hell even worse, maybe 3 dudes
9:46
who just popped out of the grave somewhere, you know what I mean?
9:49
So I think our best strategy is to be flexible and adapt to our
9:55
situations in any way possible. So your solution is to be
10:00
purely. Reactive.
10:01
Exactly. Maybe next time we don't lead
10:04
with the Jelly Bean salesman, we start off with a different kind
10:07
of salesman that may in fact have a edible sample to give
10:13
them is what I'm here. You know what, Donnie?
10:15
I like the way you think. I like you.
10:17
I like your pitch that you got going on right there.
10:20
Because if we want to, if we want to get through these
10:22
missions fast and easy, we got to figure out how to dupe these
10:27
dupes. Right.
10:28
So So what we need to do here is we should practice.
10:32
Excuse me Sir and or Madam I understand you are not wink evil
10:38
being sent from a prison planet to this reality.
10:41
Mate, I interest you in a free sample of my wares.
10:44
This non living picks up baby duckling candid duck thing.
10:52
It's a duck thing, not a duckling.
10:54
Try it. Put this in your mouth.
10:56
Oh. My God I am absolutely appalled.
11:00
I'm I am undecided on if you're actually serious.
11:03
The sauce is dripping on your journal.
11:04
I want you. To bite my sandwich.
11:09
But for real, in all honesty, we like we're going and blinded as
11:12
Dalton. We don't even know like, what
11:15
awaits us next or whatever these freaking the next weirdo is.
11:20
How do you, how do you, how do we prepare for something we
11:22
don't even know what we're going up against?
11:23
I don't know, like do we even have an ability to request like
11:28
any sort of information? Like they didn't give us any
11:31
sort of briefing besides like, hey, you're going to go find a
11:35
person and make him come back and.
11:38
Well, that's. Just it seems like they need to
11:42
like. Have like a little dossier on
11:44
who our next target is. Exactly.
11:46
I'm also impressed that you know that word.
11:48
I know words. I've imagined this with like a
11:51
big honkin sandwich doing her hand and just like.
11:54
I'm just using it as a pointer. Yeah, just like.
11:58
Yeah, Dossier, yeah, So we can evaluate and our our mission
12:05
objective and to extemporeniate ourselves.
12:09
Not a word. Maybe you?
12:12
So as you guys are having this conversation, you hear another
12:14
knock at the door and in walks in Paul, the guy that got you
12:18
guys to this area. Oh look, it's dickhead.
12:21
Yes, the person of very questionable intense.
12:24
You guys, I understand. I, I apologize for coming up to
12:28
you guys with false pretenses. I am I.
12:31
Should very well have Danny relocate your gonads with a
12:35
swift kick. That, you know, totally, totally
12:38
understandable. I would probably deserve that.
12:40
But those have been gone for quite a while.
12:41
It's a long, complicated back story.
12:43
I don't want to get into it right now.
12:45
I'm actually here on behalf of Doctor Throck Morton to come
12:48
collect you guys so that you could be a part of the
12:50
interrogation of Azalea. So, so we can try to get some
12:54
information out of her so we can know more about what you guys
12:57
are facing. Colette raises her hand.
12:59
Yes, you in the front with the sandwich.
13:00
Sandwich still in there, can we? Well, I have questions, Part 1.
13:04
Can we participate in said interrogation?
13:07
That's up to the doctor, but I don't see why not.
13:09
I need information that we can get out of this character from
13:12
anybody. Would be beneficial for
13:13
everyone. Can I bring my sandwich with?
13:16
Yes, I don't see why not. Awesome.
13:19
Thank you. I take my platter and I go.
13:22
So lead the way are. You guys ready?
13:25
Yeah, I'll have my tray with my malted no falls with me and I'll
13:28
just. You got your 12 piece.
13:31
Yeah, I'll also bring my ducklings.
13:34
By all means. OK, so Paul leads you guys down
13:37
a long corridor, doors on either side, you can see through the
13:41
windows. There's people working on
13:42
computers and doing all sorts of stuff in in the background.
13:45
I just imagine the one person who looks out the window and
13:48
sees Donnie just like dipping a duck and duck.
13:50
Sucks. Just live squirming duck little
13:53
wings. Flapping like a Dawn commercial,
13:56
but from hell. Yeah, right in.
13:59
The arm. So.
14:06
When the sauce is mixed, it's amazing good.
14:09
Please chew with your mouth closed.
14:11
And Donnie, viscera doesn't really count as sauce, but you
14:16
know what? I'm not here to yuk.
14:17
Yum. Literally Yum.
14:19
So as you guys are walking down this hallway, going through
14:22
corridor after corridor, about 5 minutes pass and you finally get
14:25
to a room heavily lit. Paul ushers you in, and Doctor
14:28
Throckmorton is actually there waiting for you guys in a
14:32
plexiglass cage. Chained down to the floor is
14:36
Zalia, and she's writhing and screaming for somebody to let
14:40
her go. Well, as I said before, well
14:43
done on procuring this air quote health spawn.
14:46
She's not forthcoming with myself even though we've been
14:50
persuading her. And you'll see that as she says,
14:53
persuade that an electrical charge comes up the chains and
14:56
electrifies her as she's sitting there.
14:59
Maybe you guys would have a better approach on trying to get
15:02
some information from her so that we know what we're going
15:05
into as we're doing this. I I think we we would be OK with
15:10
this method. She was rather disagreeable when
15:13
she was on the other plane. Well, I was thinking Donnie and
15:16
I could be a good cop. Bad cop.
15:17
Donnie, you want to be a bad cop?
15:18
Why do I have to be the bad cop? Crunches the head of a duckling.
15:23
You. Want to be a good cop boss?
15:24
No, I'll be the bad cop, I guess.
15:26
You want us to have a crack at us at a Doctor Throckmorton?
15:30
By all means, I mean, all right, let's see if we can crack this
15:32
nut. Let's do it.
15:34
I'm going to lead over to the doctor and it's more like they
15:37
call it good cop, bad cop. I call it dumb and Dumber.
15:40
I still have the sandwich in my hand.
15:43
I have at least four ducks. Left good.
15:45
Keep that. Keep those ducks handy.
15:48
All right, we've reached this down.
15:50
Is she still being electrocuted? No, it was just a quick jolt
15:53
trying to break her will. Grabbing part of her her shirt
15:56
and wiping the duck sauce off my mouth.
15:58
She's actually inside like a pleasant there's.
16:00
There's actual bubble. I'm sorry, I missed that.
16:02
All right then I would grab a brown paper napkin and just kind
16:07
of like wipe my face and throw it at the plexiglass cage.
16:11
Am here to offer you one last chance to repent from your evil
16:15
ways and bow down to the Mecca Llama that has saved us all and
16:21
will save us again for the future.
16:23
Past is what has been. It shall be.
16:30
I am not telling you idiots a damn thing.
16:32
I'm here to. Tell you not Have you tell me?
16:36
You don't know what you just fucking did by bringing me back
16:40
here. Well, why don't you tell us?
16:42
It's too fucking late. You guys fucked everything off.
16:45
I was doing what I was told to do by somebody far more
16:48
important than anybody you guys will ever fucking know, and you
16:51
guys ruined it. You guys fucking ruined it, and
16:54
you might as well consider that whole fucking plane of existence
16:57
gone fucking toast. Never go there again.
17:00
Fucking done. Well, actually, can I roll to
17:04
see if she's, like, being truthful by all means.
17:06
All right, what would that be? That.
17:09
Feet Nuts. Gray Mata.
17:10
Gray Mata. That's an 8.
17:15
You know what, even with an 8, you can see that the passion in
17:18
her fucking eyes. She's wholeheartedly believing
17:21
what she is saying. All right, I, well, I look at
17:24
her and I go, listen, whether I believe you are not in this
17:30
current moment doesn't really matter because you are in there
17:33
and I am out here. But we are just doing our
17:36
mission to get out of this like sentence faster.
17:40
What do you mean plane of existence?
17:43
It doesn't matter, by the time that you guys try to get off of
17:46
this fucking this trash rock, everything in existence is going
17:49
to be fucking gone. By what and by whom?
17:53
Look, you, you wouldn't understand it.
17:55
There's there's no way that you you're you could possibly
17:58
understand what exactly is going on.
18:00
OK, well now you just have a condescending tone and now
18:02
you're making me now. Now you're just coming off as
18:04
less agreeable and quite frankly, kind of a prick.
18:06
So why don't you? Let me just you see what I
18:09
understand of this situation here is you much like this
18:13
little duck or inside of a container picks duck out of
18:18
sauce, holds the live duck squirming its little hands
18:21
covered in orange sauce and we are out here.
18:25
You see where I am going with this Dips duck back in sauce.
18:28
Let's flash around. A little bit makes.
18:32
Eye contact with the doctor. Now you should tell us more or
18:34
something like this could have happened.
18:37
Don't look. No, it doesn't get any easier
18:43
when he does it. It's delicious by the bye.
18:47
At this point is when Dalton like walks in behind him.
18:51
It's just sees him chewing on the duck and it's like oh God
18:54
again. Do you guys really want to know
18:57
what the hell you're fucking dealing with here?
18:58
You really want to know what the hell you were going to be
19:00
dealing with and what you've already condemned that plane of
19:03
nowhere to. Well, for all we know from what
19:06
we've experienced, you were just summoning a bunch of people from
19:11
like death, remaking them in the monsters, and then all the other
19:16
humans are hunting us. Down except for that child that
19:19
you were basically torturing by keeping trapped inside of that
19:21
storm shelter for who knows how long.
19:24
I totally forgot about the kid. Donnie.
19:28
Yes. What the fuck is up with that?
19:30
OK, you know what? That was.
19:33
OK, you know what? Fine.
19:35
You want to see what the fuck is going on?
19:37
I'll show you what the fuck is going on.
19:38
And as she says that, you see her skin go from pale white to
19:44
blistered red. Holy shit, to blistering.
19:48
And the blisters are popping and the skin is peeling from her
19:52
body. What the fuck?
19:53
And as the skin is peeling from the body, these huge wings shoot
19:58
from her fucking back and these gnarly spines start popping from
20:04
all over her body and her body just starts oozing this thick
20:08
black liquid that just smells. The closest thing that could be
20:12
described is smells of regret and you can smell this through
20:16
the plexiglass. And her eyes glow with a grayish
20:21
hue, and she looks directly at the three of you.
20:25
I have been contracted as. Part of the team that are going
20:29
to these different realms to take out greater evils that are
20:33
here to destroy these realms. You think you're in prison now,
20:38
but where I'm from, this is the only way to survive and to live.
20:44
I'm basically doing what you're doing.
20:46
I'm working off my sentence to get out of hell.
20:49
The only way to do this is to hunt down these demons, for a
20:53
lack of a better term, that are looking to destroy these worlds.
20:58
These malefactors are here to cause plague and famine and
21:02
disease and chaos and ruin these lands.
21:05
Yes, some of them are already dying, but the people in these
21:08
areas do not deserve the hell that these malefactors are going
21:12
to be bestowing upon them. And you?
21:14
3 She points over to the doctor. And you have completely fucked
21:19
up by taking me off of nowhere. I was on the trail of the
21:23
malefactor there. This demon, yes I was a
21:26
necromancer, but it was the only body that I can get into there.
21:30
That area, nowhere fucking done. Might as well just write it off
21:34
existence. There's nothing there.
21:37
So you never had scoliosis? No.
21:40
Well, the hunchback thing from before the spikes came out now.
21:43
My posture's not the best either way.
21:45
Either way. Either way.
21:46
How do we know you're not just trying to create a sympathetic
21:52
story to get us to, I don't know, have some sort of sympathy
21:57
for you? Because, I mean, this could be
21:58
honest, kind of sounds like bullshit.
22:00
And could be fair wings and horns redskin kind of demon
22:07
like. I'm a condemned soul trying to
22:09
save whatever bit of humanity that I had left.
22:12
The only way that I could do that is to hunt down these
22:15
fucking beings. A demon with a conscience.
22:19
I wouldn't say conscience, it's more of a contract to try to
22:22
bring myself out of hell. That's a long, complicated back
22:25
story. We can get into that later.
22:27
What would you do when you're out of hell?
22:29
Live my fucking life. What are you going to do when
22:32
you get off this trash rock? Worship Ekka Lava.
22:35
Perfect. You've taken the opportunity for
22:38
me to live whatever pathetic existence that I had.
22:41
As a floating ghost thing in a tower that has no end, yeah,
22:48
that sounds like a great life. It's the only life I know.
22:51
Anyways, Dalton's going to look at the doctor and be like, is
22:55
there a way to possibly like, verify the claim that this realm
23:01
we recently came from no longer exist?
23:04
As you're saying that the doctor, she is frantically
23:07
typing on a computer terminal, trying to pull up any sort of
23:11
information about nowhere, and she looks back at you, just
23:15
drained of any color in her face, and she just shakes her
23:18
head no, like. It's gone.
23:21
It's gone. Yeah, it is gone and it's your
23:24
fucking fault. What the fuck is happening?
23:27
I, I say as I wave around my sandwich.
23:31
So do we know if that tube thing will will hold a demon?
23:34
I mean, we we're pretty sure about a necromancer, but like.
23:38
Whoa, As you're saying that, you can just see Zalia just drop,
23:43
realizing that or their only chance to redeem themselves is
23:47
gone. And you see the spikes retract
23:51
and the wings fold back in and the flesh start to reform over
23:57
the black ooze that was covering her body.
23:59
And she sits there and the tattered clothing that was on
24:03
and she's just drained and somber.
24:05
And she looks at the three of you and says, I think it's time
24:09
to take a break. Dead
24:20
men walking. Vol. 236 new classes.
24:28
Skulk the dying land has a blood splattered hemomancer or
24:33
depraved torturer. Test the limits of the body with
24:37
the cathonic athlete or the soul with the sightless seer.
24:42
All different sorts wander this miserable dying land.
24:46
Just be sure not to grow attached to any of them.
24:49
Has none. How long for this?
24:53
Live now on Kickstarter. Hell is real is real.
25:02
Hell is not fire and flame. Flame is forms, forms and
25:07
architecture of obligation. Hellspawn is a standalone
25:12
tabletop role-playing game of multiversal hunts, dance souls,
25:17
and the tools forged to bring them back.
25:20
You are that tool. You walk the dying worlds with
25:24
the chain in one hand and torments in the other.
25:29
Based on the MERT Borg engine, compatible with cyborgs, pirate
25:32
board, Frontier scum and more, but it stands on its own.
25:37
Over 100 pages, Full colored hardcover hardcover, built to
25:41
burn to burn. Hell is coming is coming.
25:46
The Kickstarter pre launch is live now.
25:48
Live now. Follow the link below the wheel
25:52
turns turns you are sent. So you survived, so far at
26:06
least. Welcome to Wasteland
26:08
Degenerates, the tabletop RPG that throws miserable radiated
26:11
scum into a world that has already ended.
26:14
How do you spend your time before the broken corpses of
26:17
this Earth release its last death rattle?
26:19
With high lethality vehicle rules, grungy scavenging and
26:23
looting tables, gnarly mutants and scummy human foes, Wasteland
26:26
DeGeneres scratches that post apocalyptic itch most likely
26:29
caused by the radiation poisoning.
26:31
Compatible with Merkborg and Cyborg Wasteland, DeGeneres
26:33
offers 8 unique classes AD 12 table that includes Paint saw
26:37
D12, mutant powers with complications for using them,
26:40
and a shit ton more. Follow the link below.
26:55
Come one, come all, join us as we dive into the dying world of
27:00
More Ford and the Bored Universe.
27:02
Whispers of the Dying Lands is a podcast with 1 mission to spread
27:07
the word of Mecker Bell. As third party content creators
27:11
share the prophecies of Verhoe I, your host Alaska's teams up
27:17
with everyone's favorite scum, Iron Tusk Tevin.
27:20
From Flail to the Face, we sit down with content creators to
27:24
help promote and try to give maximum exposure and efforts to
27:28
support their crowdfunding campaigns.
27:46
Welcome back, play on the face. These guys have just found out
27:49
that they completely condemned the realm of nowhere by getting
27:53
in the way of Zalia. And with Zalia unveiling her
27:56
true self, all black oohs and spikes and wings, she's sitting
28:01
in this plexiglass jail cell completely drained and not
28:07
responding to any sort of interaction.
28:08
They'll hit the button to electrocute her.
28:11
Nothing. At this point, the doctor looks
28:14
at the three of you. We need to talk.
28:16
You guys go back to your room. I'm going to try talking with
28:20
Zalia and see if I can get some more information.
28:22
So what I'm hearing is she was actually honest, you're shaken,
28:27
and you sent us to basically kill a dementia.
28:32
Yes, we will have to. Does that mean we get bonus time
28:36
off of our sentences? I was about to say something,
28:39
yeah. Are we the monsters or are you
28:43
really? Grabs the last duck, puts his
28:45
mouth close. His mouth chomps with the
28:48
squirmy duck in his right cheek. Like you.
28:50
You see, like the movements? At least his mouth is closed
28:54
This. Time.
28:55
Thank you. Go back to your room, let me
28:58
collect myself and figure out. I'm not doing fucking shit.
29:02
I'm going back to my room because I'm tired of being
29:05
around that and points to Talia and the doc.
29:10
Colette, please go back to the room.
29:12
Let me collect my thoughts, let me get some more information
29:15
from her, and we will figure out exactly what is going to happen
29:19
from this point on or I send you back into general population
29:24
with no guarantee of ever getting off this rock.
29:27
I shake. My finger because like, I can't
29:29
do anything. I'm fucked one way or I'm fucked
29:32
another. As of right now, Colette can't
29:34
think of a strategy, so the only thing she could do right now is
29:38
like just point her finger like furiously and say like innocent
29:42
people Wasn't on the fucking contract lady.
29:44
So before you send us somewhere there'd better need be no
29:48
fucking casualties. I bite my sandwich and I leave.
29:52
So as Paul escorts you guys back to your room, you can see he's
29:56
shaking as well. He's like, I had no fucking clue
29:58
that any of that shit was going on.
30:00
I thought you guys were just going to clean up some bullshit.
30:03
I didn't realize there was fucking demons and shit going on
30:06
my. Bad.
30:07
We didn't know either. I had an inkling about it.
30:10
Did you? Did you, Donnie?
30:11
I thought there would have been more gears.
30:13
Involved, OK. Mecca Lama teaches that there is
30:17
an upseason A downsies and well, this was clearly part of the
30:21
downsies. And I thought that the black
30:23
stuff would have been oil. OK, great.
30:26
And as he kind of ushers you back in, he just closes the
30:30
store and it's like, I don't fucking know what's going on.
30:32
And he takes off. Dalton goes back to his journal
30:36
addendum. Well, today had a bit of a curve
30:39
to it. Turns out demons are real.
30:43
My companions seem to not be handling it too well.
30:47
My stoic self is still processing this information and
30:51
then just kind of like trails off.
30:54
As you guys are sitting here, there's no windows in this room.
30:58
It's that fluorescent light that's giving you that sunshine
31:02
vitamin D feel. Dalton was writing in his
31:05
journal and speaking out loud. Colette was flashing back to
31:09
what started her sentence. She flashes back to that night
31:14
outside of a warehouse. It is dark, it is cold.
31:19
A man is standing panicked next to her.
31:21
In front of her is a corpse, a person who is freshly shot, and
31:28
there is a gun in her hand. And like it's all flashes of
31:31
memories. It's her looking at the body,
31:33
looking at the gun, looking at the panicked man trying to calm
31:36
him down. The panicked man running away
31:38
her taking off her gloves, holding the gun, turning around
31:43
to see the police and the first person that she sees is the
31:48
detective that was hunting her for years.
31:50
His name is Kenda Carver. And the last thing she remembers
31:53
is the detective Carver walking up to her with handcuffs and
31:58
flashes back to her. And like, her attention comes
32:00
back to the room and she's like, and some people weren't on the
32:04
fucking menu, guys, where do we draw the line?
32:06
The. Phrase You can't make an
32:09
omelette without breaking eggs does seem to reply here, but I
32:13
also can sympathize with your concern about innocence.
32:20
I honestly don't know how to reply about the apparent reality
32:25
that we wiped a plane of existence out of the multiverse.
32:30
It's. A big There's a big omelette.
32:33
And that is I I don't even have the words to expand on that.
32:38
And as you say that, you hear a horn in the background.
32:42
And as you hear the horn, the lights dim, and you know that
32:46
from being in the diaper swamp colony that it's time to hit the
32:50
barracks, to hit the sheets. Next day rolls around.
32:54
You hear, bright and early, a knock on the door.
32:57
It's Doctor Throckmorton, and she looks at the three of you.
33:01
Get ready, I have some information for you.
33:04
Gives you guys your time to shit, shower, shave, do all that
33:07
you're going to do, and she leads you back into the same
33:10
room that you were in when she sent you off to nowhere, with
33:13
the seats and the straps and everything.
33:16
But not only is it just her, it's Harold, the big hulking
33:20
mass with his mouth stitched together and Zalia sitting
33:23
there. What?
33:24
The. Fuck in different clothing in
33:27
her human form. I just like point.
33:31
I will explain. The doctor says.
33:34
Zalia and I have come to an agreement.
33:38
She is going to help us help her.
33:42
It's it's a joint venture. Basically, you guys are going to
33:45
be inhabiting these bodies as you were before.
33:48
You will meet a point of contact that is a hell spawn much like
33:52
Zalia in this realm, and you're going to assist them by taking
33:56
out those malefactors, these demons, and bringing the demons
34:00
back here so that these hell spawn can deal with them
34:05
themselves. Contract is still the same every
34:07
mission that you guys accomplish.
34:09
Time off your sentence. So I'm understanding this
34:13
correctly. You sold us to demons to do
34:17
their work for them. It could be understood as that.
34:20
So if I understand this correctly, 2 mommies?
34:24
Well, I think that sounds like he's in.
34:27
Colette is just pondering, like, taking it all in.
34:30
OK, you're gonna be informing us who your partner is in this
34:35
world that we're going to. Correct.
34:37
So they. Get to keep that world to their
34:40
liking. Everybody's hunky Dory.
34:42
Yes. So all we gotta do is just take
34:44
out these demons then? Assist the health spawn in these
34:47
respective areas to take out the demons that are looking to
34:50
destroy it. Come back alive.
34:53
You guys get your prison sentence reduced, you get off
34:56
this trash filled rock and you get to live.
34:59
What's to say that there's not a demon on your home planet right
35:02
now looking to destroy it? Everything that you love and
35:05
cherish. Dalton kind of like perks up at
35:08
that. So I'm hearing that dealing with
35:12
these demons, we are hopefully saving an unimaginable number of
35:19
lives. Unimaginable.
35:21
These demons are out to destroy these worlds to build up their
35:26
count of souls in Hell. Typical modus operandi for
35:29
demons, I guess. For whatever reason, we don't
35:32
know, this is something when you bring us these demons with the
35:36
hell spawn in these respective realms, we will get this
35:39
information almost the same way that we in.
35:41
I apologize for that Azealia. That was completely
35:44
unprofessional. The way we dealt with her is how
35:46
we will we will find a way to deal with these demons to find
35:50
out exactly what they're looking to do.
35:52
Your mission is to get to these realms, meet up with the point
35:56
of contact, these health spawn and assist them to get these
36:00
demons off those planes. Now, I'm not going to call you
36:03
heroes because we all know you're not.
36:05
We all know that you're doing it for a reason, whether it's to
36:08
save lives or get time off your prison sentence or whatever.
36:11
I don't care. I've.
36:12
Never been one for labels, but if we're going to do this
36:16
honesty from here on out, no information goes unset.
36:21
And I look at Dalton and Donnie too, and whatever information I
36:25
got you 2 are going to get it too.
36:27
All right. The more information you guys
36:29
have, the better you can do what we need you to do.
36:32
I look at my friends and I go, I trust you too, with my life.
36:37
And I don't say that to just anybody.
36:39
Dalton, you're smart. It's fuck.
36:41
And Donnie, you got a lot of Hutzpah.
36:44
I like that. We make a pretty good fucking
36:46
team. Yes, as much as I would hate to
36:49
admit it but both of you do have your uses and after my arrival
36:55
to this shit hole you 2 have also been the most reliable
37:00
sources I have yet to encounter. I don't know what Hutzpah is,
37:04
but I'm glad I have it. It's a good thing, Donnie.
37:07
I pat Donnie on the shoulder. That being said, she ushers you
37:11
guys over to the seats. There's no time like the
37:14
present. We're sending you off to a place
37:16
called the Arcadia City. You're going to be meeting up
37:19
with a person by the name of Tongue Guska.
37:22
That's going to be the hell spawn point of contact.
37:25
I know that it is a very desolate area that you're going
37:30
to be sent into. I don't know exactly where
37:33
you're going to be sent or what situation you will be in.
37:36
I'm being completely transparent, but we're going to
37:38
get you as close to Tunguska as we possibly can.
37:42
That being said, buckle up. It's time to go all.
37:46
Right. And Harold straps you guys in,
37:48
puts the bit in your mouth, great looks at the three of you,
37:52
gives you all thumbs up. I give a thumbs up.
37:55
Real awkward thumbs up. I try to take a bite of my
37:58
sandwich from yesterday, but damn it.
38:04
And they pull the lever and everything goes black.
38:08
The three of you instantly wake up to the sounds of high octane
38:13
engines revving loud vehicles. Everybody roll me AD 20.
38:19
All right. Oh, Mad Max.
38:21
Here we go. I got an 18.
38:24
Shiny and Chrome. Just walk away.
38:28
I got a 716. OK Thomas, you find yourself in
38:33
the front seat of a car. If you look down and there's but
38:37
one pedal on the far right. Mr. Paschke, you find yourself
38:42
in a vehicle just behind somebody you perceive would be
38:46
Dalton. There's no steering wheel, there
38:48
is a no shit bar and a pedal in the middle.
38:51
Gambino. You find yourself pointing back
38:56
with a turret mounted machine gun as these engines are
39:03
revving, flames coming out of the exhaust and smoke billowing
39:07
up. You see beyond you a figure
39:11
holding a little flag, and you hear 3 horns.
39:21
Flag drops before everybody takes off, the three of you here
39:26
in your head. Don't fuck this up, don't get
39:29
cut by these metal cars because you will get infected.
40:12
This episode of Flail the Face features the game Human Occupied
40:16
Landfill by Todd Shaughnessy, Daniel Thrawn and Chris Elliott,
40:19
Hell spawned by Richard Marker and Lee Iovis, and Wasteland
40:22
DeGeneres by Scott C McDonald and Matthew Mislinski.
40:26
With Thomas Ginostomi playing Dalton Walls, Tom Gambino
40:29
playing Colette Stellerno, Charles Patchi playing Donnie,
40:32
and Kevin Welch's Game Master. Season 2 theme music is Void
40:35
Construct by Alex Grol, editing by Kevin Welch, episode art by
40:39
Tom Gambino, video editing by Dan Finey, and on behalf of the
40:42
cast and crew of Flail of the Face, we want to thank all the
40:45
listeners for sticking with us. Without you, season 2 wouldn't
40:48
be a thing. So if you could do us a favor,
40:50
like subscribe and follow on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
40:53
Blue Sky and YouTube. Yep, we're on there too and
40:56
share with all your friends so we can get out there to more
40:58
people. With that being said, thank you
40:59
for listening and we'll catch you guys next time.
41:09
Oh, I see you've had Malort as well.
41:11
Oh. It smells like Sal.
41:16
Kyle's going to make a fireball joke.
41:18
Yours is better. Yeah, all right.
41:24
Now kiss now. Now this is pod racing.
41:35
Next episode we're going to get into Wasteland Degenerates.
41:41
Wasteland degenerates, so we the good guys.
41:47
Are the bad guys. We're just assholes.
41:53
Man, I take a bite of. My sandwich.
41:58
My soul needs a sandwich now. Am I playing as as a bit of a
42:05
smarmy kind of asshole Too much? No, no, it's perfectly fine.
42:10
I was actually. It's fine, we're all kind of
42:11
douchebags. So we are kind of.
42:13
You're all putting. Offense not even douchebag.
42:18
Haven't even eating. Live babies.
42:20
Ducklings in duck sauce Duck. Is a normal dish for humans to
42:25
eat cooked? That's just subjective.
42:31
Hey, that's for you, Normie.