Latest / AHA Podcast / What If You Could? Anniston Riekstins on Soul Contracts, Fear & Coming Home to Yourself (ep 16)

Transcript

What If You Could? Anniston Riekstins on Soul Contracts, Fear & Coming Home to Yourself (ep 16) · AHA Podcast

• Ali Andrus: Do. Okay, so I'll do a quick intro. Okay, so welcome to the AHA podcast. I'm your host, Ali Andrus and I can't wait for you guys to hear from our guest today, Anniston Riekstins Anniston is someone who came highly recommended from another amazing guest, Dana Grant. And Anniston's work is around decoding beliefs and patterns. Anniston: Okay. Ali Andrus: That frame your life so you can become authentically you. ⁓ and she is an author, speaker, coach, podcast host, and helps you understand your soul contract, ⁓ which was mind-blowing because I've had my own blueprint done by Anniston, and it completely blew me away. I just can't even say I I almost get emotional talking about it because I felt so seen for the first time in my life, and I felt like it this this completely makes sense. It just really spoke to my soul. So I'm grateful that I had that gift of getting you to do that for me. ⁓ and I was I was skeptical at first. I didn't understand how just dates and names and things could possibly be so spot on. So I will let Anniston explain more about that as we dive in. But we're just very excited to have you today and thank you for being here. Anniston: Thank you for having me. It is my honor. And I absolutely loved spending that time with you. I always feel, I don't know. I mean, again, you know, I I oftentimes we'll meet people for the first time like you in a session like that. And it's kind of like the most vulnerable thing. And I always feel so honored and to be trusted with that, to for someone to say, hey, you know, why don't you reveal My soul blueprint to me, it's kind of like standing naked in the middle of Times Square. You know what I mean? It's like, nice to meet you. Let's talk about your deepest, deepest stuff. So I I just I'm really grateful and so excited about this conversation. Ali Andrus: I could describe Yes, yes. Yeah, thank you, thank you. Yeah, so why don't we start out just tell us about how you got into this, what your life was like before, and what led you on this path. Anniston: Sure. I was just kind of laughing to myself because I've been asked this question now probably hundreds, if not thousands of times. And every time the answer is different. So I I've I know some people are like, you'll get it down, you get down that like your little story. And it every I'm like, yeah, still hasn't happened yet because every time I tell it, it comes out differently. So for me, you know, I ⁓ I've always been a curious person. Ali Andrus: See what comes out. Anniston: And I've always been someone who who was very introspective. I would call my I've always called myself like an old soul. I just knew it. Like I was, I loved, I was so comfortable in the confines of my own mind and in my imagination. And people really, even though I I I I I would call myself from the outside, I was I looked like I was an extrovert more naturally, I was an introvert, but I always kind of liked to study people. I was always watching. And Ali Andrus: Mm. Mm-hmm. Anniston: I always had this sense that there was more going on underneath the surface than what I could see, especially with adults. And that made me a little uneasy. And I don't think I really understood it until I got much older and realized that I had an ability to sense into people. So I could kind of sense that congruence or incongruence and what if someone was was being being who they were. It was also kind of ironic because I was someone who. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: Really battled with being my authentic self, feeling safe to be my authentic self. Like I could sense when someone else wasn't being authentic, but but myself, ⁓ from a very young age, I felt like I needed, in order to be safe, I needed to kind of contort to belong. I needed to adapt. And it it it started with little things like. When I was young, I always loved to read. I always loved books. Surprise, surprise. Now I'm a writer and I'm still a a cons I love the written word. And ⁓ but my my older sister and all my friends weren't so into that, just sitting around reading together. But that's what my soul wanted to do. That's really I really wanted to do. But but I I it didn't feel safe for me not to like. kind of follow them around and be with them and do what they wanted to do because I felt like that would mean I would be rejected. Like I would lose my place within the crowd, if you will. And that little pattern just kept following just through, you know, throughout my teenage years, throughout my college years, into relationships of just getting so good at sensing into people and what it is that they wanted and what would make them feel comfortable and seen. And then being that. And then I just felt so good getting that nod of validation that I forgot I was doing it altogether. And the problem when it really started to become a problem for me was ⁓ when I met my husband. And at this point I had already started to kind of open spiritually. I mean, I'd like discovered the secret. Did you read the secret? Like that was the big one for me. Like the secret. And and even before that, there was a couple other books that came along. But I Ali Andrus: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anniston: You know, there were some things that were starting to happen that made me start to question and really go down a spiritual path. But when I met my husband, he he was just like this force of you know, just purpose. Like he knew what he was here for. And we bonded really quickly spiritually, but as well, just like I was so enamored by this guy's confidence and his knowing of being able to articulate this is what I'm here to do in this world. And I was so attracted to that. And I thought when we first got married that that would be enough that I was like, well, I I'm gonna support him in his mission. My husband is also, he is a transformational mentor for like high impact, high net worth leaders. ⁓ he's a spiritual teacher and he's a s he's a prolific speaker. And I I would believe wholeheartedly in his mission and what he's here to do. And I thought, okay, well. I'm just here to support him. That's what my role is, right? But the problem was that wasn't fulfilling. Like the problem was that didn't satisfy me. And so I he and he, when he looked at me, he would say, ⁓ my gosh, like you're powerful. Like you're here to be a teacher. You're here to be doing all of these things. And I was like, ⁓ no, no. I could never. I could never, you know, like I'm happy behind the scenes. Anyway, so this. Ali Andrus: Mm-hmm. ⁓ yeah. Anniston: This really started me on a whole journey of like, okay, like who am I? Like, what am I good at? Like, what do what do I really want? And I it's like I was so disconnected from my joy. I was so disconnected from me, like really, truly me. And so I started, ⁓ I would say I started looking for, but more so, this is right about the time that someone introduced me to numerology. And numerology was something that was really to me, I kind of looked at it like kind of silly, like a personality horoscope quiz, like, ⁓ this is kind of cute. But the first time I ever read my life path, which your life path is basically the sum of all the digits in your birth date. And it and it basically indicates the energy that you came here to master. It really like shines a light on like the path you came to likely walk. And when I first read my life path, I was shook. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: Like literally, I was like, I felt I was reading it and I was like, I felt like someone was like articulating me in a way I had never been articulated. I couldn't even articulate myself in that way. And it wasn't like the strengths that I was really resonating with. It was actually the wounds. When I read, like the, you know, this path usually will lead someone to experience that, you know, a wound around feeling ⁓ Like they never belong, like they're always waiting for permission to go first. Like they're really innovative, but then they fear being different. I mean, all the things that I read, I was like, what? I felt like someone had just like pulled back the and I was like, something is here for me, and I could not leave it alone. So I went down a major rabbit hole there. And so much so that I got I became a master numerologist and discovered a very rare form of numerology called soul contract practic ⁓ numerology. Which is based on the interpretation and the sounds and vibration in your birth name. And so this really like it was my own seeking that led me to the tools that I believe I was here to utilize for myself. But then in true, I think, human fashion, I couldn't just keep it to myself. Like it it helped me so much in giving me permission to trust what I've always, I think, deep down. knew about myself, but never had the courage to admit out loud. I felt confused about who I was. I actually don't think I was ever truly confused. I think I had been trying to negotiate the truth of myself based on what everyone else was doing and thinking and feeling. And I never could do that very well because you just can't, right? And so I know that was a very long answer to a very simple question. And there's probably way more we can go in, but that's how it came out today. Ali Andrus: Yeah, no, I love it. Thank you so much for diving into all of that. ⁓ yeah, I love how you talked about the the differences, like because every trait and every contract, you have your weaknesses and your strengths. There's always like two sides to that coin. And and that was when I read mine, ⁓ or yeah, when you sent me mine, it would it talked about the battle kind of between the the control and wanting to control everything and then just letting it flow and and letting things go. And that was huge for me because it it really does feel like an inner war constantly because I have this old part of me that was much more in control. And this new one as I go down this path that feels like, okay, now I'm awakening. I'm trying to learn to trust the universe and trust in all these things and let go. And Yeah, I love that that you get to see the strengths and and the the wounds and the battles that you have to fight because of kind of the flip side of things. So so by learning about your soul path and learning all these things, how does that help people in their lives to ⁓ yeah, to make changes or to become more authentic? How can how have you seen that help people? Anniston: Yeah, yeah. So the what I have seen is that, well, number one, it's really hard to see your own eyeballs. Meaning, I think we're all pretty adept at noticing patterns in other people, right? And kind of noticing in those, especially those that we're really close to, whether it be our spouses or our children, or, you know, where they are responding in a way that's almost like they're responding as their little inner child self. You know what I mean? Like reacting. Ali Andrus: Mm. Mm-hmm. Anniston: Blowing something out of proportion, making something mean something it absolutely does not. And you look at it and you're like, how why are you why are you struggling with this? Right. But I think, I think number one, it's it's helping people understand that all of like I believe Earth is a big school and it's a school of emotion. And we came here to master, I believe we're spiritual beings in a human body, feeling it all. And the issue is that when you're young and you feel a heightened negative emotion, our brains aren't fully aren't aren't fully formed yet. And so it's very easy to create a belief system or a limiting belief or a coping mechanism to ensure you never ever feel that again, right? Because your body processes, for instance, I was bullied when I was young because I was so gullible. And I had all these older cousins and they would pick on me relentlessly. And so it was humiliating. And there were I remember moments of just crying to my mom, like, I I don't why do they pick on me so much? You know, it doesn't feel good. Like it r hurt my feelings. It made me feel something I didn't want to feel. And so my system processed that as like, Mayday, Mayday. We need to change our behavior so that doesn't happen again. So what did I do? Well, I just stopped talking for a while. Like I just straight up just was very careful about what I said. And that then that behavior didn't just stay in that one situation. It became a part of my identity, right? A part of my operating system. So what I love about numerology and like life path as well as soul contract numerology is that it very clearly you can see what did you come here to master? What did you come here to learn? And I do believe that all of those things that happen to us that trigger these these programs, if you will, or these patterns are by design. I do believe that. I believe that we had a hand in choosing what it is that we wanted to master and that, ⁓ but being able to see it, it takes the that feeling of like, this is proof that I'm broken. And instead, it's just proof that you're a student. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Yes. That's so beautiful. Anniston: You you're yeah, you you of course you're not amazing at it because you came here to master it, which means you're gonna have to suck at it for a while and you're gonna have to like try and fail your way forward, and the only way through the lesson is through experience and and eventually through I think a the awareness of ⁓ okay, so wow, this really was happening for me, and that's when. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: Those patterns turn into your medicine. It actually turn into your gold. It's like the thing that you've lived through, through the sweat and the tears and the blood and all the things of having to go through it that you can then turn around and help other people with. That's what you that's what you're here to teach, is usually what you sucked at for so long and what you really struggled with. And and and numerology actually gives us a way, I think, for us to get eyes on. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: The sole curriculum of our lifetime. So we can actually see it more and like look at it and think about it and process it and then be like, ⁓ yeah, this is exactly how this has shown up. So no longer do I need to blame myself or point the finger at myself and feel like a failure. Instead, I get to start to see like the breadcrumbs of like, ⁓ this is where this is leading. ⁓ now I remember. So I think of them as remembrance tools. Ali Andrus: ⁓ Hmm, yeah, I love that. And I think like you're definitely on your soul's path because you're so you can feel you're passionate about it. And I think you're gonna be able to on you already are helping so many people because so many can relate to that feeling of feeling like you have to keep putting on these layers to cover up the real you so that you can fit in and and you just have a lifetime of doing that and Anniston: Yeah. Ali Andrus: eventually at some point, like for you, when you discovered all this, it's like, ⁓ okay, now I can start breaking the patterns, which is incredibly brave as well. So I mean what what are some things that maybe gave you the courage to be able to break out of that? Anniston: You know what? I think that it required me, and thankfully for me, I actually have an example of this. And it happened in my 20s. And I'm so grateful it did because it showed me, okay, so these patterns aren't forever. And on the other side of them is more freedom or more more liberation or a feeling of being more powerful or more in my in my zone. So I actually had a a ⁓ phobia of public speaking, like real bad. Ali Andrus: You had a spin. Anniston: I'm telling you, it was like a full body shutdown. And this started when I was in fifth grade. And I stood up to give a presentation and I just straight up, fear, fight, flight. I I froze. And the teacher to the point where the teacher had to come up to me and she like put her hand on my shoulder. I like completely disassociated in that moment. It was straight, straight fear. And ⁓ She's like, do you wanna try and do this again a little later? And I just nodded my head and I walked back to my desk and I never got back up there. And I I made it my job to avoid like to to fake being sick on presentation days. To I mean, I figured out every creative way under the sun to avoid having to do that again and put myself in that position because it was so it was like tr traumatic for me. It was a trauma. And I think for a lot of people it is, and we don't we we don't think of it that way, but your body processes it that way. Ali Andrus: Well yeah. I I can really Anniston: And so I was convinced it would happen again exactly the same way. So, anyways, fast forward, I go to college, I decide I want to major in advertising public relations, and it's my junior year of college, and there's this agency coming to present ⁓ and to recruit for it this really like highly sought after internship. And I was like, ⁓ my gosh, I had full body chills. I was like, I want this internship, I want it so bad. So at the very end of the presentation, they start talking about. Well, they're like, here are the requirements to apply. And the the first thing they said was, you must be a proficient and compelling public speaker. And I just sank. Like, I mean, I was so deflated. And it was the first time in my life that I really feel like I really wanted something, like that knowing of like, I know I'm supposed to do this. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Yeah. Anniston: So I I was very confused as to why I would want that a position that clearly I was not qualified for because I doing the very thing that I promised I never would. So I sat outside that auditorium and I I really I had a moment. This was like one of those mo it was like a turning point moment for me where I sat there and I was just like, I am so sad. I'm I was like grieving this. And then I heard this little voice in my head. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: Cause I was like, I just I can't do it. I just can't do it. And I heard the voice say, What if you could? And I was like, it's like I had never actually even considered that option. What if I could? And so I marched myself to the my like while I was in this fit of courage, I I marched myself to the registrar's office and I changed my mind or to speech communication. And I forced myself to do the very thing. That I feared the most because I had a carrot. I wanted that job enough, right? I wanted the pay what happened was the pain of not being able to apply for and get that internship was greater than the pain of having to stand up in front of people and face my greatest fear. And sometimes I think that's what it takes. And for me, that was a moment because what happened was I was petrified, but over time I learned tools. I learned How to start to regulate my nervous system. I learned I was four, I I had a professor who I went up to him, I said, This is what's going on with me. And he said, Let me help you. And so he took extra time with me to show me how he's he taught me about energy transference. This was back in twenty one or two thousand two. And he was like, You can move your nervous energy with your mind, move it. You cannot destroy it, but you can move it. I want you to move it into Ali Andrus: Okay. Anniston: I want you to move it into an object. So I always had a little paper clip with me and I would transfer all my nervous energy into it for safekeeping, right? I wasn't trying to stamp it down. I wasn't trying to pretend like wasn't there. I was just moving it. And so he was teaching me things that I had no idea I would be teaching to my clients. You know, what wound up happening was not only did I get that internship. And I still wasn't an awesome public speaker, but I felt confident enough that I could stand there and say, you know what, I can do this. And ⁓ and what wound up happening was I got that job and then I wound up getting a full-time job at that agency. And then two years later, I wound up leaving to go work in the cruise industry and essentially was hired as a professional public speaker who traveled the world giving presentations. You know, I've done hundreds, if not thousands, of presentations on cruise ship stages. And then wound up getting hired to g to move Shoreside to train public speakers. Ali Andrus: Holy cow, what a flip from yeah. Anniston: So this story is illustrating something important here. And I want you to let anyone listening, I want you to hear this. Your fear is important. Your very specific flavor of fear is actually not telling you to turn around and go the other way. It's saying this way. Pay attention because oftentimes we feel the thing we are here to do is surrounded by a moat of fear. For whatever reason, it's like our soul, it's like we understand how important this is, but there there is this like marked fear a fear of failure around it. So I it taught me to get comfortable being uncomforta doing the uncomfortable thing and to do the opposite of what my nervous system is wanting me to do. Ali Andrus: Hmm, wow. That's an amazing story. It's so inspiring because so many people have that fear of public speaking, myself for sure included. And I mean I've heard it's like the number one fear when when people yeah, over death. Absolutely. I can relate. So and and here I am talking with you, both of us facing our fears. Anniston: Ha ha ha Over death. Over death. Right. Exactly. Exactly. So you had a fear, but all of a sudden you have this desire to do a podcast. Right. And oftentimes I think our authentic desires are oftentimes at odds with some of our wounding. And I think because I think that it's always a dual purpose. The purpose of me facing that was number one, expansion and growth. I I expanded my capacity of what I knew I was capable capable of. Ali Andrus: So mm-hmm. Anniston: And so but but also clearly it's something that I needed to do to fulfill my purpose. Like, I mean, now all I do, I feel like, is talk. I don't shut up. I'm like, whether it'd be on a podcast or it's I'm giving a presentation or I'm leading a couples retreat, like whatever that is. ⁓ it's actually become my absolute favorite thing to do. But I want to hear I I also want you to hear this. I still, even to this day, every now and again. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: That nervous system will kick up. And so I want you to hear that because it is a, I think it's a lie to believe that anything like that they ever fully go away. It's a part of who I am, but it's also what makes me an incredible teacher for those women who really struggle with it because I can empathize and I understand. So for me, it really taught me is the tools are everything. I know, I know how to, it can happen. Ali Andrus: Mm. Mm. Anniston: But the amount of time I let it to impact me is very small now. Like I'll notice, like, ⁓ my gosh, my heart rate isn't g is going up. And then that little voice, like, what if you don't know what to say? What if you freeze? What if your, you know, your heart starts beating and you can't talk right and you can't breathe. Those were all the things that used to happen. And I will just ⁓ use somatic tools. Sometimes I'll just rub my arms and be like, hey, sister, you're safe. You're safe. I just you have to sometimes like talk your body down. And so Ali Andrus: Mm. Anniston: As this relates to, you know, maybe for those of you listening, like this isn't your issue. Maybe this isn't a thing. Again, what I love about numerology is like, I know for sure with every life path, there are very specific patterns that tend to show up. I also know from doing soul contract work that these wounds can be pretty, I mean, they are pretty deep, but oftentimes we will recognize the pattern, like once we point out the pattern and we start to see it for what it is. Ali Andrus: Hm. Anniston: You can move through it so much faster than if you are again internalizing it and making it about some area that you're failing. Ali Andrus: Mm. Mm-hmm. Yes, yes. That's so well said. Yeah, I think for me, when I when I learned all this, what was really freeing for me was finding out that I wasn't behind in life, that actually all these lessons and these detours and this confusion and everything in my life as it was spelled out, it's like, no, I'm actually right on track because this is what was Anniston: Yes. Ali Andrus: supposed to happen. So all the things that I thought, ⁓ that took me way off my path and s set me back. And it's like that's ⁓ actually now I feel that that's not true. That everything was perfectly designed and I'm doing it exactly the way that my soul wanted to do it. And that is the most freeing feeling ever, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Anniston: ⁓ my gosh. 100%. So funny story. I actually have ⁓ I love astrology too. And I study astrology and I and I utilize it with my in my work with women. but there's this guy that I love that he's he is ⁓ he is someone who gives something called like a a transit and progressions report. So through astrology, you can kind of move forward in time. Ali Andrus: Mm-hmm. Anniston: and see what is like where what's happening right and the reason I'm sharing this is because the first time I ever had a reading with him, this is this is like right, I feel like a year into me like leaving corporate America. I was starting like getting into just doing this full time and coaching and whatever. And of course when you're doing that, your mind is like you're you're not moving fast enough. Like this is you're gonna miss your opportunity. You're gonna miss your chance. Anyway, so he looks at my My charts and he's going for what he's going for, and he's like, So he's like, You're you're gonna hit your he's like, I see exactly when you're probably gonna hit your peak in your career in terms of being seen and being impactful and all of that. And he he was like, That's gonna be in 2037. And I was like, I'm sorry, what I'm sorry, what did you just say? But you know what? He gave me the greatest freaking gift, greatest gift, because. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: Now my my mind still will kick up like that and be like, I mean, you're like you gotta you've gotta like do more and and fill your calendar more and have more projects and initiatives and launches. But then I remember what good old Rick said. He's like, it's like it's just gonna be a build until that till 2037. And I was like, I'm just gonna slow my roll. Like, I'm you know what? Like, it's just breathe, right? And just Take it and I it was so it was kind of comical. I still laugh about it because my re my reaction was like, what? But but again, I think, you know, like you said, right on time. We're always right on time. And this whole rush, rush, rush. It gotta otherwise you're gonna miss your opportunity. Like, I just know too much now. I mean, our purpose wants us way more than we want it. I mean, we have like you gotta really try hard to avoid it. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Mm. Mm-hmm. Anniston: And even when you try to avoid it, it'll circle back and try to find you some other way. So either way, whether you choose choose left or right or you go forward or backward, like you'll you'll end up where you need to be. It's just the it's what's the quality of your life on the journey there? That's what that's where your control is, right? Is how do you feel in the day to day? And are you actually allowing yourself to enjoy the journey? Or are you so fixated on this destination in your head, which Ali Andrus: Yes, yes. Anniston: PS probably will look very different than what you imagine. ⁓ that's my experience. ⁓ and I know yours too. but you know, I want to give everyone that gift today. Okay. You are exactly right on time. You do not need to rush. You cannot miss what is meant for you and and who you're meant to support or what you're meant to be doing. ⁓ as long as you're following your heart and and you're just staying true to who you are. Ali Andrus: Yep. Yep, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. Joy in the journey. And what's meant to find you will always find you. So I wanna jump back to something you said before about grieving when you realized you didn't have that public speaking background and you had to sit there and go through this moment of grief. And you you probably had a similar thing when you left your corporate job and you Anniston: Join the journey. Ali Andrus: left that life like these big leaps of faith that required kind of grieving an old version of you. And and I love how you talked about how honest you were about ⁓ how you still have these fears come up because I think those are huge fears for people. And when you're going through a spiritual awakening or any big life transition, that's completely terrifying. And what that feels like, a lot of my listeners Anniston: Yes. Ali Andrus: ⁓ probably are grieving something and there's all different kinds of ways you can grieve. so maybe talk about like what that's like, shedding that old version and trying to go through the healing process into the new or what I like to say authentic. It's kind of your original version, but yeah, what that's been like for you. Anniston: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So for me it was interesting because I did not feel safe feeling for a very long time. Like, ⁓ I would say my big initiation, I call them I think we all go through these initiations, like deep initiations. We call them problems, challenges, we call them, you know, tragedies. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Yeah. Anniston: But from on a soul level, I believe that what they are, they are deep initiations into a next level of consciousness and understanding. And that ⁓ feeling for me was ⁓ that was a big initiation because I managed to live, I would say at least my first 35 to 40 years of my life from the neck up. Like mentally processing, this is what this emotion should feel like. This is what I'm feeling. I even identified as like, I'm just not a very emotional person. ⁓ I'm very even killed. It takes a lot to get me upset. Like, I literally, like that's the thing. It becomes a part of your identity. You all you kind of convince yourself that you're somehow elevated in some way because you don't have all these big emotions, which Ali Andrus: Yes. Yep. I can't really. I know. Anniston: Could not be further from the truth, let me tell you. That's what I've come to learn. ⁓ could not be. I and I re I remembered, you know, through the my process of going through the heal this healing and and really coming back into my body that when I was young, I was that little kid that like would try not to cry so much that you just wind up like when it happens, ⁓ it comes. To the point where you're like, like you can't breathe, and then you're like freaking out because you're like, I can't breathe, I can't breathe. And it's like it almost becomes like it's not safe because it feels so big. And so, a couple of years ago, and I've gone through many initiations and let layers, but this is what's coming to me to share. So I left ⁓ my I had a very high level position and a company that I loved, but I had also I had already started a podcast at this point. ⁓ Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: I was publishing my first book. And it was right literally the same week that I was publishing my book that things started to fall apart at work. And they were kind of related, kind of not. But essentially what it came down to is the very my greatest fear, which was had always been that if I'm fully seen, I will lose something. So here I am, my book's about to come out. And I, you know, I laid it all out there. And I had been very from that like in this, this with within this company, I had never been more myself. Like I showed up as me. I did, I did all kinds of things outside of my role. I hosted leadership conferences. I did mindset trainings. Cause that's what fills me up. That's what I love to do. And yes, I was the senior vice president of ⁓ a department. Anyways, so My greatest fear comes comes manifests here. And now I've got in front of me a choice. Literally, I mean, I you can't even make this, it was like a choice. I either stay in my position and I stop working on all of the other things that I love so much. Or I leave my position and I walk into the unknown, where I feel like my heart is leading me. Yet again, because this is not my first rodeo here, but it it always feels like the first time when it's happening again. And I had to make a choice. And so I knew, I knew in my heart, I knew what I had to do. And thankfully, I had this book that I had just written that I was like, I cannot be in my integrity with this book that I've just written is now in thousands of people's hands. And not and it I wrote the book, The Universe is hiring. Discover the role you were born to fill. Ali Andrus: Yeah, yeah. Right. Anniston: And in the book, it's like you gotta follow your heart, right? So it's like I past me had wrote the book for the me that was gonna be at the decision point right as it was being published. I mean, it was just, it was like the timing was uncanny. So I leave and then I start, I'm like, all right, I'm going for it. I'm just gonna like blast off, like let's go, you know, coaching programs and this and that. And I start running at it like a hundred miles an hour. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: And all of a sudden my nervous system is going crazy. I've got all kinds of anxiety. Everything in me is saying stop. But I don't know how to stop. Like I it's like my I my worth is my productivity. It's what I do. And so, anyways, long story short, eventually I go on a walk with my husband on the beach and he's and he's amazing. And he was like, Okay, I know you're struggling. Like I can tell you're really struggling. Why don't you just take 30 days? Take a 30 day breather. Nothing, the world is not gonna end if you just stop for 30 days. Don't work on your business, don't get on social media. I don't want you answering any emails. Just take a break. And I was like, I felt such relief. I was like, yes, this sounds amazing. I was like, I mean, what would I even do with 30 days? Well, the first day was okay. The second day, I completely broke down. It was I what happened was there was no safety for me in that. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: I did not feel safe stopping. I did not feel safe that everything wasn't gonna fall apart. And so what wound up happening was I started just sitting with myself and like fee actually feeling for the first time because I did not know what else to do. Just letting myself feel. And I I cried in my bathrobe for a good solid seven days. Like just cried and cried and cried. And I was like, I don't even know what I'm crying for. I was just like, there was so much emotion, so much emotion, so much emotion. And I realized in this process, probably once I got to like the second or third week, that I I had been holding so much. And here I am wanting to race into this next chapter. But that at the end of every chapter and before the the beginning of a new one, there's a process that needs to happen. Like I needed to grieve the woman that I had been in that chapter. I had to grieve her. I had to grieve the vi all those years I spent envisioning being in that company for a long, long time or doing the things I was gonna do. Like there was so much and I I had never allowed myself the gift of doing that and actually allowing myself to sit and to feel and to just process. And then it was like about three weeks in, I woke up one morning and I sat up and it was like everything was clear. Everything was clear for me. I knew I was like, I know what to do now. It was like I had finally like allowed what needed to shed and and to, you know, our. Crying, grief for our ancestors was sacred. I mean, they would even, they would curate reasons to grieve. They would literally do ceremonies where they would, you know, allow themselves, like if or if someone passed away, I mean, there was no hiding grief. There was no hiding grief. In fact, it was something to be proud of. They would wail and and and dance around a fire under the moonlight and for hours and hours and hours. Ali Andrus: Mm-hmm. Anniston: Just letting, you know, crying and and singing, and that is what our body knows. That's how our body knows how to release things. But the way that we were conditioned, completely opposite, right? It's like keep it together, don't show anyone, it makes them uncomfortable. And anyways, so that was my first really like allowance of grieving. And I've done it since then. Every time I feel like I'm kind of hitting, I start to notice. My my pattern is this. So it's like I will I'll I'll expand into something, right? And then I'll expand to the very edges of that comfort zone. I get really comfortable there. And then all of a sudden, something else comes, like another carrot that's like, what about this next? And that's outside of my comfort zone. So then all of a sudden now I'm expanding beyond who I used to be. And I know that in between that and in between getting there, there's gonna be some grief. There's there needs to be some time for integration and processing and actually looking back and saying, okay, like what did I learn from this season? I'm heading. You know, I think it's just reverence. It's reverence for these cycles we go through in life. And grief is a part of that. Ali Andrus: Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that. That was all perfect. I'm I'm just thinking of like the cycles of nature and the seasons, and it's like the expansion and the disintegration, and it seems to be such a theme in the universe and nature and us. And I I think that's why we're here actually, because how interesting would it be if we were just constantly Anniston: Nice. Yeah, I agree. Ali Andrus: Expanding, expanding, expanding and never never getting outside of that comfort zone and having to come back down and go within and grieve and heal. So thank you for sharing. Anniston: Yeah. Yeah. Nature mirrors it beautifully. I mean, I always think of the jellyfish, right? Where they expand in order to move, it can't just expand, expand, expand. It needs to contract. And then when it moves again, it goes farther, right? Even the the waves of the ocean, like when you're watching a tide come in, doesn't just all come in. It's like it's it's like comes in, out, and then a little farther, and then back out, and then a little farther. And we are exactly the same. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Yes, I love that. It's such a good analogy. ⁓ Anniston: You have to know when you're in a season of expansion and when you're in a season of contraction. And and the when you're in that place of integration, even like two weeks ago, I just had all this sadness like swirling around in my chest. And I was like for days. And I was processing. I was, I was going through an internal contraction, if you will. And when I'm contracted, I don't feel like showing up on social media every day. I don't feel like Ali Andrus: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Anniston: you know, like creating a lot. It's kind of like, and I also don't feel like consuming. I don't, I can't have anyone else's voice. Like you need to get to know what are the your symptoms of when you're integrating or when you're contracting. And then what are the symptoms when you're expanding again? Because now you're you're allowing your body to lead you and say, okay, now it's time to move forward. And you don't move forward until then. So because then you're forcing. Ali Andrus: Yes. Yes. I love that. Yep, you're forcing and when you force it doesn't doesn't go over well. Yeah. Anniston: No, you waste a lot of energy and then you create a story around why it didn't work. Ali Andrus: Mm-hmm. Yep. And it's not showing up authentically you either. Yeah. ⁓ I want to ask about kind of your your spiritual path. Like were you prior to this, were you a very spiritual person? Cause as I've listened to you and and watched, it seems like you've kind of evolved more in your beliefs and things. And I'm just curious how that has changed for you. Anniston: ⁓ gosh, this has been such a part of my journey too. so I grew up Christian in a in a very Christian household. I grew up in like a Southern Baptist church, and then we went to like non-denominational church. wonderful parents, wonderful family. And and you know, my parents never like shoved anything down my throat. It was never like our way or the highway, but I think when you think about how our beliefs are formed, it's often just formed. By being in proximity to, and that that was what I was exposed to. And so ⁓ for me, it wasn't until in my 20s I started really questioning. Like there were there were always some things I did not feel aligned with or I questioned. ⁓ some of them being, you know, like I didn't understand how if God was love, then why would We judge and like and condemn people for their sexual like for their sexuality or for, you know, and I always was like, I would meet all these people because I started working in the cruise industry, you know, pretty like in my twenties. I was the minority there. Most of the people I worked with were Buddhist or Hindu or Muslim. I mean, you name it. Every religion was was on that ship, like with me. And and Ali Andrus: Yeah. Yeah. Anniston: Some of the most the kindest, most generous people I have ever met were other religions. And I just I could not reconcile that in my head. And so I also had some experiences feeling very judged, probably most judged by people that were in my church community than people outside of it, right? Ali Andrus: Yeah, yeah I can Anniston: And that was also hard for me. ⁓ especially someone who just wanted to belong. Like I just wanted, but there was this, so I had this create, I had this tension within me, which which was by design because it led me to start to think for myself and ask questions. And so, my what how I deal with uncertainty is I am very mental. I've got a lot of error in my chart. Like I'm very like, I I like to research. So I started digging, I studied every world religion I could find. I was like, I want to know, like. Ali Andrus: Mm-hmm. Anniston: What is up with all of these religions? You know, I want to, I want to know because I had just never been exposed to it. And then I started looking at, okay, well, what's the history here? How did this all come to be? Like how do these religious doctrines? And what I started to understand was that ⁓ the actual original like Christian faith, or like ⁓ even before they had a word Christianity, it was more about a an about a way of being. Ali Andrus: Mm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Anniston: Right. It was about love. It was about acceptance. I started studying Jesus more. And I I saw he was like the OG feminist, man. Like he was like the OG, equal rights. Yay. Like, let's all be together. You know what I mean? None of this, like, not with those people and not with those people. No, like it was like everyone and more, you know? And and so, and I was like, this, this feels true to me. And so while I I do not Ali Andrus: Yeah. Right. Yeah. Anniston: Like for me, like it's about love. That's my barometer. Is like, I don't care what religion you are. I don't if you're if that religion is supporting you to feel empowered and to feel love as an individual, then you do you. Like that's what I think. I'm like, I love that for you. But if you have to be honest with yourself, and this is what I say to a lot of women, I'm like, we have to take back. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: Our own authority to think for ourselves and what is true for you. And if you feel out of alignment with something that is being handed to you, it is your right, your right to question it and to say, well, what is true for me? What does feel good to me? Does this situation support me? Or does it make me feel shame? Does it make me feel less than unloved, ⁓ unworthy? There's information there. Ali Andrus: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Anniston: And so I am an advocate for whatever is gonna support you to remember I believe that we are all divine, limitless beings that are worthy of it all just by being. And so ⁓ I play outside the lines. That's me. Ali Andrus: Mm-hmm. But I love that. Yeah. Anniston: I play outside the lines and I've I've created my truth and I and and only in with only the intention of encouraging other women to create their own. I do not need your truth to match mine in order to love you, to see you, to respect you. I just need you to honor yours, you know? Ali Andrus: Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So perfect. Yeah. And look at like why you were raised that way. Look at how it's shaped you and how it's helping you to empathize with other people and be able to understand. Like I'm sure that was part of your soul's journey is to be raised that way. Yeah. Anniston: Yes. Hundred percent. Hundred, hundred percent. And to have the courage to be different. That's always been my thing. Is like I feel like my soul is like just loves to trailblaze and my ego hates it. It's like, you know, can we just blend in for f for like can we just be like everybody else? That's why I always like, why can't I just wanna be like everybody else instead of of have to be different and Ali Andrus: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anniston: And then I realized, but that is my superpower, right? So again, but that's where things like numerology, astrology, I also study human design. I love these tools because you know what they all say? They all say the same dang thing about me. They every single one of them, even though they're different systems or based on different things, they all say the same thing. So when I'm having a day where I am questioning and I am like, what am I doing? I'm about to blow up my life. Like, what is this? What is happening? I will go back to those tools and I will reread and I'll be like, okay, no, this is exactly what I came here to do. Okay. You know, it just gives me the courage sometimes when I feel like I'm I'm f I'm I'm the fear is loud. Ali Andrus: Yes, yes. That's so perfectly said. And I was just thinking about the religions too that you dove in and studied and everything. And and I did a little of that myself because I have a similar path and religious upbringing to you. But ⁓ if you look at all of them, it's like the the themes, the overarching themes are all the same. And it really comes down to love, usually. And it's just the people and the dogma and things that kind of muck it up. But Anniston: Yeah. Always. Yeah. Ali Andrus: But at the heart of all of them it's about love. And yes, yes. Anniston: It's about being open hearted. And can you live a life open hearted? And what does that mean? It means that you get to feel, you get to allow, like it's it's allowing the allowance of everyone and and all your feelings and the things to happen without you doing like the Venus flytrap, where you're like, you know, you close up and you you avoid and you get you resist and you say Ali Andrus: Yeah. Anniston: No, you you push back, you push away, right? It's like I feel like all these masters were here to teach what it is to live with an open heart. And unfortunately, what can happen, I think, in in religion, not for everyone, because I have also met the most just, I mean, angels in human form, right? That are are within religion. And I so again, there's never all it's never, it's never always or never are always. It's there's always in between. But I think it's it is this. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anniston: ⁓ fear this fear of like, well, if they're right, then I'm wrong. What if we're all right in our own way? And and we and like there's there's rightness in everything, and your truth is your truth, and whatever you believe, you're gonna find evidence for. So that's the nature of our brains. We all believe we're right. And then then, but then we have to make other people wrong. But what if you could be right without needing to make anybody else wrong? Ali Andrus: Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. Turn it. Yeah. I love that. Like what if we're all right? What if for your soul, this is right? Doesn't mean it's right for their soul, but we're all right on our own path. So that doesn't have to make anyone else wrong. Yeah, yeah, I love that. ⁓ okay, well, let me ask one final question to close it out. ⁓ that I ask at the end because it's the aha podcast. So what is your biggest aha moment on your journey? Anniston: You're right. Yes. No. Okay. Ali Andrus: that you can think of that you want to share or one of the top ones. Anniston: My biggest aha was that like I think for my biggest aha was that there was nothing wrong with me. Like truly, that was, and it still continues to be. Like that it's like the aha that deepens. And I see it rep reflected back at me again and again and again and again when I every time I follow my heart as we're Ali Andrus: Good one. Anniston: ridiculous as sometimes the directive is, right? Like every time I'm like, really? Like, is this really what I need to do? and then I invariably see that mirrored back in someone who's been the recipient of whatever that is. Like whether it be, you know, a a post I do on social media or a reel or a podcast episode or something I've created in my one of my programs. And then I hear back from someone and they say, ⁓ my gosh, me too. Ali Andrus: Right. ⁓ Anniston: You know, like that, and every time I'm just like so proud of myself for doing it, but also I'm like, why did I ever think this quality of mine was not okay? Like that still makes me sad, but I've forgiven that, you know, and I'm I for but but that aha moment of like what made me so different and unique is actually the gold. Ali Andrus: Yes. Anniston: And it was the gold that I hid. I buried that gold so far. I just and once I finally let it out, it's like I'm like, why did I bury that? Like that was that was the thing, you know? So Ali Andrus: Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ my gosh. You know what just gave me chills is ⁓ first thing when I woke up this morning, ⁓ there's this person that I contacted through social media and and I've we've just become friends and here and there we touch base and ⁓ her name's Emily the angel coach if you follow her but she talks about a lot about energy and has kind of these abil spiritual abilities. Anniston: Mm. Ali Andrus: And just this morning I woke up to a voice message from her and she said, I just, ⁓ I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I just got this message for you and it's about gold. And that's what she said. She said, Seek the gold, ⁓ follow your heart and you'll find gold. And then the fact that you just said gold just gave me chill. Anniston: And I have never ever once used that. Never used that metaphor. That, ladies and gentlemen, is is the prime example of when you other people are acting as conduits for you. I have never, ever, I actually was sitting, I was like, that's a great metaphor. I've never actually thought about that. That was for you. That was for you. Ali Andrus: Yeah. Thank you. That was unbelievable. I I'm like, I can't believe she just said gold. Because when I got the message, I was like, that's so random. I've never used the word word gold either. And I thought, okay, well, thank you. I don't know what to make of that, but we'll see how it shows up. And then use. Yeah. ⁓ Anniston: There'll be a third. There'll be a third one. Just wait. I find they come in threes. So but that is I can't wait for you to pull that thread. You'll have to let me know. I'm now I'm curious. What is the bulb that is waiting to be uncovered for you? It's coming. Ali Andrus: I know I won't Yeah. Oof, yeah, I don't know. That's so cool. Thank you for thank you for doing that for me. Yeah. And thank you for everything that was just so beautifully said. And I just I appreciate you being so open and real and just being authentic because it's like you said, that those broken parts are actually the gold. They're your superpower and that is what people relate to. Cause Anniston: You're so welcome. They are Ali Andrus: Yeah, just the shiny perfect version is so hard for people to relate to. But yeah, you're you're keeping it real. So thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Anniston: Keep it real. Well, thank you. I've loved every second of our time together. Ali Andrus: Yes, likewise. ⁓ and then I'll put in the in the description ways to contact you, but maybe share like kind what's the best way if people want to learn about what you do and find you and talk to you, what's the best way? Anniston: Yeah. Well, ⁓ you can always find me on Instagram at Anniston Blair Ricksteins. My website is Anniston Ricksteins.com. You will not spell it right because nobody does. So we'll put that in the show notes. ⁓ and then I also have a free discover ⁓ the hidden pattern shaping your life quiz. And that's the one that you took, which reveals your life path. It's it's written specifically for women. Ali Andrus: No, no. ⁓ good. So so good. Anniston: ⁓ so we can get real specific into some of those how those patterns typically show up for us as ladies. and that is that is a gift. So if you are like, I wanna, I'm ready. I'm ready to see something deeper. I find the life path is a great gateway. It's a great sand, like dip your toe in the water and see like, ooh, is is I do I resonate with this? So I'm happy to give you that link as well. Ali Andrus: Okay, perfect. Thank you, thank you. That was perfect. Okay. Anniston: You're so welcome.