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Can You Really Enjoy The Holidays Without Stress? · Real Money with Lisa Chastain

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  Hey, I'm Lisa Chastain, and today I want to shift the entire
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  way that you experience the holidays emotionally and
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  financially. Let me start by asking you
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  something. What if you can walk into this
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  holiday season feeling good? Good about your money, good
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  about how you're spending it, good about your time, your
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  energy, and overall your financial picture?
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  What if you can enjoy the holiday season without guilt,
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  overwhelm or financial pressure and still have everything that
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  actually matters? Well, here's the truth that no
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  one teaches US. 95 percent of our purchasing decisions are in
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  the unconscious mind, and they are emotional, not logical
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  emotional. So if you've ever spent more
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  than you planned or said yes when your soul and your bank
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  account wanted to say no, there's nothing wrong with you.
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  You're human, you're emotional, and you care.
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  And today, we're going to honor that.
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  First, let's set some expectations about what this
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  conversation is. We're going to get clarity, be
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  intentional. Talk about emotional wealth
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  during the holidays. No restriction, no stress, not
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  be good with money conversation. What we're creating in this
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  video today is about creating a holiday season that feels
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  aligned, joyful, and financially safe on your terms.
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  By the end of this conversation, you will know what matters to
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  you in this season, who you want to give the best of your time
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  and energy to, and how to spend in a way that supports your joy
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  and your goals, and how to start communicating confidently with
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  your boundaries. Would that be valuable?
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  OK, good, let's go. Here's the truth about happiness
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  in the holidays. Science shows that experience
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  makes us happier over things. Connection, memories, moments.
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  These are the things that land in your heart about the
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  holidays. It's not the price tag.
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  So today is about more becoming intentionally and emotional
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  proactive versus reactive and exhausted.
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  So grab a notebook. You're going to pause if you
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  need to get it. We're going to do this together.
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  This is a working workshop today, and in 10 minutes you're
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  going to feel more aligned in the way that you approach your
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  holiday season. First, let me ask you this.
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  What's most important to you about the holidays?
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  Write down 15 things. Pause the video and come back.
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  Not what you should care about, but what your heart cares about.
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  Pause it. Come back. 15 things.
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  OK, you're back now. What do you want to spend most
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  of the time you have this season doing?
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  Write that down. Come back three Who do you want
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  to spend the most time with this season?
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  Who do you want to spend the most time with this holiday
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  season? This is your intentional energy
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  list. Make it.
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  Check it twice. Now take that list of people
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  that you wrote down. Now next to each person that you
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  wrote down, right next to it, mark and reflect on the holiday
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  season and what's most important to you about each person.
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  This is about meaning, not pressure.
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  What's most important to you? Ask yourself, is this about
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  them? Is this holiday season about
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  them, or is it about me? This is where we get off track
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  in our holidays, and let me explain, is that our holidays
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  are all connected to holiday trauma, holiday drama, holiday
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  emotion. And when we think back, when I
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  ask this question to live audiences, one of the responses
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  that I get back the most is that their holidays, they're trying
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  to complete or repeat something from their past.
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  Probably you too. You're thinking about your
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  holidays, about what you used to do as kids.
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  And you I want that experience for your kids.
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  For example, this happens all the time in my conversations
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  with my clients about money. So they want to have a memorable
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  experience for their kids because that's the experience
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  that they had. And they're trying to repeat and
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  duplicate something from their past because it's all about
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  holiday memories. It's not about holiday spending,
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  it's about holiday memories. And then as you audit these
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  people that you're thinking about this holiday season, who
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  are the people that you want to spend the most time with?
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  Is it about meaning or pressure? Is it about you?
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  Is it about them? Is it about tradition or here's
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  the kicker is it about obligation?
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  This is what I mean by money is emotional before it's
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  mathematical. How do you know how do you know
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  if you're operating out of emotion from your past out of
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  wanting to complete memories from the past where it's not
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  possible, you can't go back or how do you know that you're
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  operating out of vision for your life, the vision for your life,
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  not out of the past. Let me give you a real time
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  example of this when my son was one year old, he's 17 today, but
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  the first Christmas that we he had with my family was so
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  stressful. My sister had a little boy
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  Tucker and I have Connor and my mom has been waiting her whole
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  life to be a grandmother. Mom, I love you if you're
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  watching this. And also then my husband, my
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  ex-husband at the time was my husband, his mom.
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  It was her first grandbaby. So my parents, my family wanted
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  to spend first Christmas with him, with Tucker, create those
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  memories. And then my husband's mom, her
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  first grandson, her first Christmas with her grandson,
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  they also wanted that memory. They also wanted that
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  experience. Well, my husband and I for weeks
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  felt like we were just in this tug of war with my family and
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  his family trying to decide who Connor was going to spend his
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  first Christmas with. We spent our Christmas chasing
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  our tails, trying to make everybody happy.
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  Maybe you can relate to this when it comes to to money and
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  what you're spending in the holidays.
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  Same thing applies. Who are you spending the money
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  for? What are you spending the money
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  on and for what purpose? So how do you check on that?
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  How do you get clear about that? First, go back to your 6 year
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  old self. What do you remember about the
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  holidays? What was that memory?
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  What were you doing? What did it smell like?
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  What did it feel like? What happened in those holiday
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  seasons? Were they happy or were they
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  sad? Because whether you realize it
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  or not, your unconscious mind is constantly trying to complete
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  events. And if you have an event from
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  your past that you're trying to complete during the holiday
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  season, no amount of money is going to fix it or change it.
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  So go back to your 6 year old self, your 4 year old self.
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  What was life like? Now come back into the present.
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  What is it that you're trying to accomplish this holiday season?
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  And is it from your past or is it based on your vision or the
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  future and how you want to spend this holiday season?
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  Is it meeting other people's expectations or is it working on
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  meeting your own? After that first Christmas with
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  my son Connor, things changed for us.
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  We negotiated with our family way ahead of time, and also my
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  siblings and I had conversations around what was important to
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  them financially during the holiday season.
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  Have the conversations now with the people that you love and ask
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  them what's important to them about the holiday season.
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  You might be surprised. It probably isn't more things
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  because what most of us remember is the experience of the holiday
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  season, not the actual things that went with it.
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  So we get caught up with these spending conversations, but dig
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  deep into your past and the traditions and now ask yourself
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  this. What traditions actually bring
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  you joy? What are the traditions that you
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  have in your family or your significant other's families
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  that make you feel good and happy?
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  And then which ones don't? Don't do the things that you
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  don't feel happy about anymore in your holiday season.
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  We have one life and if we're lucky, we have a total of 8070
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  Christmases. How do you want to spend yours?
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  Literally in time and energy and resources and memories and
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  shift. Now, what you'll notice is a
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  direct correlation to how you feel about your money, how you
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  spend your money, what you do with money, the trips you take,
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  the trips you decide not to take because you were only trying to
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  make Uncle Joe happy. Getting conscious and clear
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  about what's important to you about money now, before the
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  holiday season, is one of the best places for you to spend
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  your time and your energy so that you can jump into the
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  holiday seasons with joy, with purpose, and with clarity.
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  Who do you need to have a conversation with now?
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  Your partner, your kids, your family, your friends.
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  Hear me when I say this. Kids understand love.
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  Kids understand presence. They don't need the pressure of
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  all of this. They just need you.
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  That's all they wanted me. And money and spending, when
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  done intentionally, will support your total financial goals in
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  how you operate and continue to move through.
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  Now, let's reflect this back to money.
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  The average American spends about $1400 during the holiday
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  season. Most of that is emotional, it's
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  impulsive, and it's expectation driven.
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  We're not doing it this way anymore.
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  We're doing it your way. Ask yourself, we're going to
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  close out today's conversation with this.
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  What do you have already saved? What are you choosing to set
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  aside between then and now? And what memories can you create
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  that require you to spend nothing?
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  Because let's go back to the research that we talked about at
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  the beginning of this video. Your memories are your
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  experiences, which over time create and derive more
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  happiness. Connection is free, presence is
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  free. Love isn't always measured in
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  receipts. And that is where wealth begins.
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  Emotional clarity, then financial clarity.
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  So have the conversations, set the expectations, lead your life
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  on purpose. That is emotional wealth.
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  And I wish you the very best this holiday season.