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I Choose...My Mental Health During The Holidays · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

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  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. Okay, So,
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  Speaker 1: with the end of the year rapidly approaching, I think
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  Speaker 1: we need to check in on our mental health.
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  Speaker 2: This time of the.
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  Speaker 1: Year is always so chaotic. There's the traveling. If you're
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  Speaker 1: traveling with all the delays and the noise and the
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  Speaker 1: people of it all, and the kids are out of.
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  Speaker 2: School, I don't know about you.
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  Speaker 1: Mine just eat all day long, like I cannot seem
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  Speaker 1: to spend enough money at the grocery store to feed
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  Speaker 1: this family. Maybe do you have family in town? Because
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  Speaker 1: my mom is coming the memester she is going to
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  Speaker 1: be here. She will be wanting to chat.
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  Speaker 2: That I know.
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  Speaker 1: And you know end of your work deadlines. They're shopping.
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  Speaker 1: There's the deadline of the shopping. If you don't get
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  Speaker 1: all the shopping done and the wrapping done by the day,
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  Speaker 1: then you suck like you failed Christmas somehow. It's a
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  Speaker 1: lot of pressure and how do you know what to
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  Speaker 1: get people? That takes some serious thinking. Then if you
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  Speaker 1: are a real overachiever, like show Off, you decide to
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  Speaker 1: host a holiday party. It is truly insane. And you
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  Speaker 1: know what, Usually the first thing we stop doing when
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  Speaker 1: we are busy is carving out time to check in
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  Speaker 1: on ourselves, Like take.
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  Speaker 2: A hot second to check in and assess.
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  Speaker 1: How are we doing mentally today.
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  Speaker 2: I've got two great.
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  Speaker 1: Guests joining me for this conversation. First up, I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to bring in my bestie and our resident therapist here
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  Speaker 1: on the pod help me. Welcome back Adele to the podcast.
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  Speaker 2: Hi, Jenny, you're so pretty.
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  Speaker 3: You're so pretty.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, first off, how are you doing right now? Thanksgiving
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  Speaker 1: was a lot.
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  Speaker 2: It's the end of the year.
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  Speaker 1: Are things in your life starting to get crazy or what?
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  Speaker 3: Well? Yes and no.
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  Speaker 4: Because I live in kind of a resort town, everybody
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  Speaker 4: wants to come visit us, so we have we literally
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  Speaker 4: tell people start booking our house if you want to
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  Speaker 4: come visit, because it books up.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I couldn't get a booking. The in was all full.
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  Speaker 4: But yeah, we'll find you something. But yeah, I think
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  Speaker 4: you missed all the holiday spots. Oh no, we're talking
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  Speaker 4: about a good holiday spot still for you. Yeah, it's
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  Speaker 4: been a lot of people coming to visit. Both of
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  Speaker 4: our families right around Thanksgiving. All four of our parents
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  Speaker 4: are still alive, so lots of elderly stuff coming up
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  Speaker 4: and feelings coming up. Oh yeah, familiar.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and we are. It's funny.
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  Speaker 4: I don't consider other of us overachievers, but definitely we
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  Speaker 4: do like to host. We feel like, yeah, you know,
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  Speaker 4: Jen's a really good cook, and I like to do
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  Speaker 4: the table and the house and the all the things.
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  Speaker 4: And I'm exhausted already.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, I was saying earlier, at the end of the
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  Speaker 1: year gets so chaotic for a bunch of reasons. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: but I want to impress you for a second with
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  Speaker 1: some stats.
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  Speaker 2: Ooh okay.
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  Speaker 1: In twenty fourteen, NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness,
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  Speaker 1: found that sixty four percent of people with mental illness
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  Speaker 1: say the holidays make their conditions worse.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And when I say mental illness, am I talking about
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  Speaker 1: like depression anxiety?
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  Speaker 2: Do those call of it?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, they do.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, right, And that's I'm glad you've said that, because
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  Speaker 4: a lot of people think mental illness has to be
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  Speaker 4: I don't want to say that depression and anxiety aren't serious,
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  Speaker 4: but they're a little bit more garden variety and a
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  Speaker 4: lot more people have both of those or one of those,
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  Speaker 4: but it's not severe mental illness. It can be depression,
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  Speaker 4: it can be anxiety, it can be addiction.
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  Speaker 1: In twenty twenty one, a survey showed that three and
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  Speaker 1: five Americans feel their mental health is negatively impacted by
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  Speaker 1: the holidays. Now, I know this is twenty fourteen and
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  Speaker 1: twenty twenty one. I'm sure these numbers are bigger now
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  Speaker 1: because life just seems to get more and more chaotic
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  Speaker 1: as it goes on.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I would guess I think you're right.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, I think it probably those numbers are even
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  Speaker 4: higher now, you know, for two main reasons, post pandemic
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  Speaker 4: and us being more isolated than we were before the pandemic,
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  Speaker 4: and also with the divisiveness still with post election and
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  Speaker 4: politics and family members who don't align politically, so that
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  Speaker 4: stressor is an added stressor now more than usual.
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  Speaker 1: Right, And just like how much eggs cost, Like everything
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  Speaker 1: is so expensive now that is stressful for so many people.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, and inflation has gone up as it
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  Speaker 4: does every year, but yeah, I mean just kitchen table
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  Speaker 4: stuff is stressful. And then the holidays, like what you
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  Speaker 4: were describing, I was listening to talk about how you
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  Speaker 4: do the holidays, and I thought, even you, who's done
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  Speaker 4: so much personal work, who has grown so much, when
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  Speaker 4: you were in your twenties, you were doing it the
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  Speaker 4: same way you're doing it in your fifties.
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  Speaker 3: You're like, when I heard you say what to get everyone,
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  Speaker 3: I thought, oh, Jen, oh no.
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  Speaker 2: No, it's not.
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  Speaker 1: You know, I am an overachiever when it comes to
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  Speaker 1: the holidays.
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  Speaker 2: I admit that, you guys, And yeah, it's a lot.
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  Speaker 1: I have all three of my girls home, and every
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  Speaker 1: time that I'm the happiest I'm I've ever been when
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  Speaker 1: they're all home. But my house literally just looks like
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  Speaker 1: a bomb went off inside of it. And you know,
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  Speaker 1: I just have to kind of like change gears and
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  Speaker 1: be okay with that for that period of time because
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  Speaker 1: normally I'm a little more neat and tidy orderly.
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  Speaker 3: But the thing is, that's what the holidays are supposed
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  Speaker 3: to look like.
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  Speaker 4: We have to kind of like we have to move
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  Speaker 4: our mindset into the reality and not the fantasy, you know,
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  Speaker 4: like the Martha Stewart fantasy you can.
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  Speaker 1: Do that you are a fantasy is so good, I know,
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  Speaker 1: I know, but it's magazine that's for a photo shoot, right.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, And when I think of you, I think of
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  Speaker 4: you as making beautiful things besides beautiful children. You make
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  Speaker 4: beautiful food, you make a beautiful home, You make beautiful
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  Speaker 4: crafty things, even in your messy house, and that's what's
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  Speaker 4: so beautiful about it. So we have to move into
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  Speaker 4: what the reality is, which is and I'm the same.
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  Speaker 4: I'm like, my house is perfection right now because guests
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  Speaker 4: are coming and I know the minute people come in,
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  Speaker 4: they're going to be putting like cans of soda down,
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  Speaker 4: and I'm like, I have to get myself into that place.
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  Speaker 2: So we have to switch gears.
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  Speaker 4: I'm here to make them happy, comfortable, have a great experience.
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  Speaker 4: And that's part of being a great host is the
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  Speaker 4: messiness of it all and actually feeling great about the
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  Speaker 4: gift of giving your beautiful home to people and letting
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  Speaker 4: them relax in it.
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  Speaker 3: Right, we don't want people to be uptight in our homes.
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  Speaker 2: No, I want people to feel comfortable. So yeah, why do.
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  Speaker 1: You think it's important for us to still carve out
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  Speaker 1: time for our mental health? Like, why do you think
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  Speaker 1: it's almost more important for us to carve out some
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  Speaker 1: time for ourselves and for our mental health during the holidays.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I think you said it with those statistics right there.
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  Speaker 4: Are you know, it's an added pressure because we're not
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  Speaker 4: just in our regular routine right either we're traveling or
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  Speaker 4: we're receiving and hosting, and the stress levels are higher
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  Speaker 4: because of our expectations. And I was thinking about that
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  Speaker 4: today and the holidays today, and I thought, as we've
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  Speaker 4: talked about a lot over the years, expectations breed a
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  Speaker 4: lot of let down and resentment and feeling like failures.
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  Speaker 4: And I think we might be doing it a little
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  Speaker 4: bit wrong that when we have traditions, right we have,
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  Speaker 4: We've had the same traditions year after year. Hopefully if
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  Speaker 4: that's what you want, if that's what's important to you
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  Speaker 4: for your family, and if you have these traditions, you're
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  Speaker 4: already re expecting so much for what's coming. You want
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  Speaker 4: it to go this way and this way and this
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  Speaker 4: way and this way. And I think so we set ourselves.
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  Speaker 3: Up for sure, so your anxiety.
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  Speaker 1: Just the traditions themselves are setting us up for disappointment
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  Speaker 1: and stress.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, And and suddenly today I went, oh my god,
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  Speaker 4: I think we're kind of doing it wrong. First of all,
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  Speaker 4: traditions are wonderful and we want to have them right,
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  Speaker 4: like whatever you know, food traditions, or how we come
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  Speaker 4: together and maybe do Christmas Morning or we do Honik
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  Speaker 4: or whatever. But if we if we say, oh, but
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  Speaker 4: we do this every year, we do it this way
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  Speaker 4: every year, and if it goes slightly askew.
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  Speaker 3: Or a skance, I don't know what the right word is.
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  Speaker 3: I think because of.
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  Speaker 4: Scance, then we suddenly feel like we did it wrong,
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  Speaker 4: and so we're setting ourselves up. And so I think
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  Speaker 4: our mental health if we can pre plan a little bit,
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  Speaker 4: like however, it goes as long as connections they're having
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  Speaker 4: a moment with this person or that person, seeing my
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  Speaker 4: daughters experience this thing, this moment that they always have
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  Speaker 4: at Christmas, then those are small winds, not the.
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  Speaker 3: Big huge It goes exactly this way.
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  Speaker 4: These traditions have to go exactly this way, but just
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  Speaker 4: the small connections.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, I like this.
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  Speaker 1: I was going to ask you in a minute, like
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  Speaker 1: what are some helpful little things that our listeners can
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  Speaker 1: do to help them prioritize their mental health during the time,
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  Speaker 1: even if they try to use the excuse that there
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  Speaker 1: isn't enough time. There's always enough time, but these are
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  Speaker 1: that's that's a great, simple little thing. So you're saying
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  Speaker 1: to break it down, break out your the what you
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  Speaker 1: want as far as small wins, like specific things that
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  Speaker 1: you want to see happen.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, Like if you look over and you see Fiona
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  Speaker 4: and Luca having a moment and you're moved, You're like,
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  Speaker 4: oh my gosh, I'm so glad Luca's home and like
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  Speaker 4: they're connecting right now, that is that could be I
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  Speaker 4: just got chill saying it because they feel like that
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  Speaker 4: could be the greatest moment of your Christmas holiday with
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  Speaker 4: your family.
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  Speaker 3: Just small little wins.
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  Speaker 2: I know, Okay, I like this.
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  Speaker 1: What's another example of another small win?
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  Speaker 4: Well that so that backs up to your question around
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  Speaker 4: mental health, which is that is how we address our
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  Speaker 4: mental health is to pre plan and think ahead about
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  Speaker 4: small winds. Think about let's if a tradition doesn't go
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  Speaker 4: exactly as we need it to go, maybe it's supposed
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  Speaker 4: to shift a little bit.
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  Speaker 3: They change over time.
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  Speaker 4: Right, people get sick sometimes and can't come and be
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  Speaker 4: with us, or we can't go somewhere. So another small
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  Speaker 4: wind could be you finally, mastered that one dish She've
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  Speaker 4: been trying every year, you know, and it came out
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  Speaker 4: prettier than you thought it was going too. Or your
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  Speaker 4: mom felt good this time, she didn't. She didn't feel
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  Speaker 4: under the weather or weak, or you know, or that
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  Speaker 4: your mom is there. Your mom coming to your house
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  Speaker 4: for the holidays is an entire win, it is.
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  Speaker 2: That's true, right, Yeah, even though she talks my ear off. No,
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  Speaker 2: I love it. I love it.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, those are good. I love that because I think
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  Speaker 1: it's so important. I want to ask you this question, though,
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  Speaker 1: I think there continues to be a misconception sometimes that
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  Speaker 1: making time for ourselves is selfish. Can we just unpack that?
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  Speaker 1: Why do people think that?
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  Speaker 2: Do you think?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah?
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  Speaker 4: I hear that a lot, and I heard it a
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  Speaker 4: lot in session with clients, Like there was always we
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  Speaker 4: always had ended up having a talk about the difference
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  Speaker 4: between selfish versus self care.
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  Speaker 3: And what does that look like?
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  Speaker 4: And you know, because if I think of myself and
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  Speaker 4: I take care of myself and I take time for myself,
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  Speaker 4: isn't that selfish? And I would say, the things you
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  Speaker 4: want to watch for and the differences between selfish and
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  Speaker 4: self care are that selfish is self serving, right, You're
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  Speaker 4: serving yourself. You're thinking of yourself first and at the
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  Speaker 4: exclusion of other people, right, at the exclusion of loved ones.
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  Speaker 3: So if there's.
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  Speaker 1: So, wait, if so, if I'm taking a bath, if
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  Speaker 1: I choose to go take a bath to take care
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  Speaker 1: of myself while everybody else is like, you know, wondering
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  Speaker 1: what's for dinner?
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  Speaker 2: Is that selfish? Am I being selfish?
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  Speaker 3: No?
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  Speaker 4: I don't think so, because you're taking care of yourself
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  Speaker 4: and you're not hurting anyone, right, and you're not you're
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  Speaker 4: not taking a bath for five hours and nobody gets fed.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I'm just kidding.
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  Speaker 4: So a version of like selfish bath would be, you know,
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  Speaker 4: thinking about I don't know when a bath would ever
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  Speaker 4: be selfish.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know where I'm going to go.
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  Speaker 4: With that, but I think if let's say everyone has
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  Speaker 4: decided the night before, okay, we're all going to have
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  Speaker 4: breakfast together tomorrow morning at nine, if you know I
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  Speaker 4: need some quiet time by myself before that, then you're
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  Speaker 4: taking care of yourself and you're taking a bath, You're
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  Speaker 4: taking a walk, you're taking the dogs for a walk,
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  Speaker 4: you're doing you're meditating, you're spending time with Dave privately
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  Speaker 4: before you have the breakfast at nine. But if at
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  Speaker 4: nine you're like, I'm going to take a bath, right,
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  Speaker 4: and now everybody's waiting for you for an hour, that
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  Speaker 4: borders on more selfish, Right, you're not sort of thinking
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  Speaker 4: of the collective experience. Now, if you're having severe anxiety
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  Speaker 4: at nine am, when it's time to sit down for breakfast,
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  Speaker 4: you also get to say, hey, guys, go ahead without me.
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  Speaker 4: I need you know, you might privately say to someone
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  Speaker 4: I'm having some anxiety. I'm going to take a bath,
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  Speaker 4: please don't worry about me, and breakfast is ready or whatever.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, you know, it's so weird when you just said
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: about that. You just said, maybe you get anxiety and
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  Speaker 1: you have to excuse yourself. I got anxiety, Like maybe
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  Speaker 1: it's just the word anxiety now that gives me anxiety.
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  Speaker 4: Well, what happened in that moment when I said, what
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  Speaker 4: were you thinking about?
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  Speaker 2: Nothing?
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  Speaker 1: I was listening to you, and I was like, in
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  Speaker 1: the word anxiety gave me anxiety? Like, uh, my heart
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  Speaker 1: started skipping beats.
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  Speaker 3: Interesting?
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  Speaker 2: Interest interesting?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, So as long as you are not not thinking
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  Speaker 1: of the whole of the other people in your life.
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  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I mean you can.
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  Speaker 4: It's kind of tricky because you get to take care
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  Speaker 4: of yourself at any given moment. You get to set
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  Speaker 4: a boundary, you get to remove yourself if you feel unsafe,
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  Speaker 4: right or you feel like I am my mental state
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  Speaker 4: is in need of quiet and space.
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  Speaker 3: Just across the board.
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  Speaker 4: But if you are, if you've disappeared for eight hours
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  Speaker 4: and it's just because you don't want to be with
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  Speaker 4: everybody and they're kind of counting on you to do
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  Speaker 4: things at a minimum, if you don't communicate, I.
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  Speaker 3: Would say that's selfish.
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  Speaker 4: But if you say, hey, guys, I'm having a hard day,
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  Speaker 4: and can you take care of yourselves because they all
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: look to you to take care of them, that's self care, right.
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  Speaker 4: So it's almost like self care plus communication gives additional
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  Speaker 4: permission for self care. But selfish would be just like
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  Speaker 4: peace out and not talking to anybody, right, and you know,
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: or taking up kind of psychic space.
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  Speaker 3: Right. Let's say the whole.
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  Speaker 4: Family's together and you are having another Let's say you're
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  Speaker 4: feeling blue. Let's say you're grieving, right because you've lost
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  Speaker 4: somebody and the holidays are really hard for you. You
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  Speaker 4: may say communicate to everybody. I'm going to take a
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  Speaker 4: little time for myself. I'm going to go reflect on
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  Speaker 4: my dad and take a little walk and just say
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: a little prayer or whatever.
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  Speaker 3: That is self care.
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  Speaker 4: If you're sitting in the group and sort of taking
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  Speaker 4: up a lot of psychic space, I would maybe say
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  Speaker 4: that's a little selfish.
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  Speaker 1: Right, because it can bring the vibe down. Yeah, and
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  Speaker 1: you don't want to do that to everybody.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you want to be considerate of others. But
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  Speaker 4: also again, I want to make sure everybody understands that
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  Speaker 4: if you need something, you need space, you need time,
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  Speaker 4: you need to care for yourself, take it. If no
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: one is giving you space, take space.
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  Speaker 3: Right. It's not other people's job to give you space.
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  Speaker 3: You need to take it.
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  Speaker 4: But communication is a really essential element to self care.
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  Speaker 2: I like that.
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  Speaker 1: That's something we haven't really talked about, that, that importance
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  Speaker 1: of communicating.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I suck at that.
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  Speaker 3: I do.
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  Speaker 2: Here's what happens with me.
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  Speaker 1: I am better, But it's like a constant thing, be
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  Speaker 1: thinking something in my mind. I'm communicating in here.
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  Speaker 3: Uh huh with you yourself and you.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, my mouth doesn't say anything, So nobody outside of here,
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  Speaker 1: here's my communication.
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  Speaker 2: But I'm fully in communication with somebody.
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  Speaker 4: You have your own little private neighborhood in your head,
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  Speaker 4: but it's not a great neighborhood.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: Ah damn my neighbors.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Oh man, Okay, So I'm gonna I'm gonna work. I'm
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: always working on something. I'm gonna work on communicating my
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: needs a little more clearly.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: Or just what's going on with you. Be transparent, you guys.
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: It might seem like you might say to Dave, I
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: know that I'm kind of a little quiet right now.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Let me tell you more.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Like on edge.
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's mine. That's my thing for sure in
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: my family.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: And so like if everybody's like needing, wanting, causing disrupt yeah,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: you can get a little edgy.
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: I can get a little edgy. And my wife can
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: feel it. And so I am still practicing and still
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: learning to be able to say to her, I'm a
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: little on edge. You might be feeling it. So I'm sorry.
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: If I'm on edge, like my two elderly parents, it's
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: kind of like stressing me out. And you know, can
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: we take a walk or can I go lie down
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: for five minutes?
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Can you like manage the scene? And I'll be back.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: You know, what I love here is that you still
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: have things that challenges.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: Of course I do.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: Are you normal, Oh you are okay. Yes, you.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Touch on something really briefly, but you were talking about
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: some really good points, some interesting stuff, and we're going
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: to talk about this a little bit more with my
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: next guest from amend Treatment, so stay tuned for that.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: But I want to circle back on something you were
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: talking about briefly that during the holidays, there's the natural
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: feeling that can come up of grief memories of the
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: people that we've lost. Yes, we're no longer able to
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: make memories with them. It can be overwhelming for people.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I know, my mind can definitely go down that road.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: And I do think it's a good thing to think
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: about the people that we've lost and relive their memories
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: and just you know, spend some time remembering them, honoring them.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: But that can start to get a little dicey if
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: we spend too much time there. Yeah, for someone that's
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: struggling with grief this holiday season, what are some things
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: that they can do to work through those feelings, because
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I know that, Yeah, like I said, it can get
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: a little dicey.
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And grief is tricky because you cannot prescribe it.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: You just can't. You can't plan it.
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: You never know, right, it's not linear, right, it's kind
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: of all over the place. And like we were talking
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: about traditions earlier, imagine that traditions year after year are
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: going to bring up memories. And those memories if that
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: person is no longer here, can cause a lot of sadness,
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: a lot of missing, a lot of loss, and a
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: lot of grief.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: And you know, I.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: Would I would say twofold, I would say two things.
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: Let it be right, I mean, simply let it be
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: and honor it and use the.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: Tools we've been talking about to hold your heart, you know.
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: And if that means taking a walk, if that means crying,
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: if that means coming up with a.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: Little tradition, I like. I like the idea.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: The second part of this that I was going to
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: say is coming up with a new tradition about the
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: person you've lost, the person that's died, So so keeping
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: them alive in a in a new tradition way, right,
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: It could be an ornament on a tree, it could
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: be bringing them up like we kind of do. My grandmother,
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: so my mom's mom was a huge Christmas person and
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: made me a huge Christmas person and I miss her
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: so much every Christmas. I miss her all the time,
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: but at Christmas, I am. I'm talking about her every meal.
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: I wear her jewelry. I have a few of her
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: pieces and like a like an emerald Christmas tree and
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: like a diamond ring, and I bling it out with
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: my grandma's jewelry every Christmas, you know, things like that.
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: I have her ornaments, and so just bringing them into
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: the traditions and creating new ones, you know that you
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: can do each year to remember them.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I like that too. Yeah, I need to do that.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: I need to do that because I sometimes feel like
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: if I just keep missing them in the quiet parts
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: of my mind, it'll go away quicker.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: Instead of like.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Letting it be like you said, and creating a new
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: tradition which includes them in the holiday.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like your dad, did he have a favorite Christmas tradition?
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: Did he have a favorite drink or food at Christmas time?
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: Or did he like to say a toast or a prayer?
• 22:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: I can just remember him sitting there and just my
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: dad wasn't a talker, you know, kind of like him
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: he would just sit there quietly and so happy just
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: watching the girls, you know, unwrap their presents and play
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: with them.
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: Those are the small winds, right. I can see him
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: sitting back at meals right. And the way he enjoyed
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: being a host was taking it in. Take a moment
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: and take take in this holiday like your dad would.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: That's so good. I don't want to do that.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: What about if you're a single parent, Because raising the
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: three girls, there were a lot of times when I
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: was on my own, Peter was on location or you know,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: working whatever, and there were times when I felt like
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: a single parent. I mean I never really truly was
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: at that point.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: But it's hard.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: It's hard, and I set myself up for disaster, like,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: you know, buying too many things and then had to
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: be the same amount for each girl and then having
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: to wrap them.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: Did you okay, do you guys do this?
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Do you wrap your presents and put them under the
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: tree for Christmas morning? Like you keep them away and
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: then you put them out on Christmas night?
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: No? I start putting them out day after Thanksgiving up. Yeah,
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: that's I mean. In my family, the tradition was everything
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: was wrapped and we each got one big present that
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: Santa left that was unwrapped, so you know, you'd wake
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: up in the morning and they'd be like, whatever unwrapped,
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: the exciting, whatever the thing you really wanted was.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: And it's that's a problem.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I've set myself up for failure because i just did
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: it the wrong way. With the girls, Santa brings them
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: a pile of presents, and you know, it's a lot,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: it's a lot. Santa's very stressed.
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: Well, let me say something about something my mom did
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: that I really appreciated. Several years ago. She talked to
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: us and said, we're going to change the traditions. I
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: want to set you up for your expectations because we
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: always did like a big present, you know, and she
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: you know, as we got older, I think she realized, like,
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: let we need to think of others right and be
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: more modest in our spending and things like that. And
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: she so she told us she had a talk with
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: us before Christmas. I'd say, when we were in our twenties,
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: like around where your girls are now, and she said,
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: let's let's give each other. You know, we do one
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: we do one tradition, which is we do a donation
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: to something for each other, which is a really nice
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: new tradition. Again, trying to change it a little bit
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: and don't expect like the big president anymore.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: We're doing small things that I know you would like.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: And I have to tell you, like.
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: Maybe when I was like twenty two, twenty three, I
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: was like aw and then and we've been doing it
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: now ever since, and I'm so grateful and I love it.
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: But I'm also grateful that she told us this is
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: how we're going to do it now. Okay, great guys communication.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I did this, Okay, I maybe last year or the
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: year before, I did this very thing that you're describing,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: and it didn't work. And I'll tell you why I
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: didn't work. It didn't work because I didn't stick with it.
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: That would have been my guest that you told them
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: and then you didn't stick with it, and then you
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: over did because I remember, like whenever I'm with you
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: and you're buying like a birthday present for someone or
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: a holiday present for someone.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: You're like, is this a nut?
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: You've already got things for someone like a friend, and
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: then you're like, I feel like I need one more thing.
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: So you you if you set a boundary, if you
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: communicate to your kids. And you set a boundary and
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: then you don't stick with it, You're sending a message
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: to them that my boundaries don't mean anything.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they kind of already know that, but uh yeah wow.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I'm gonna try harder. Look look at me,
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: I'm learning so much.
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: Change the traditions, but be transparent about them so that
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: expectations are lower or different.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: So any kind of parents, single parent, co parents, any
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: kind of parent can change the tradition if it needs
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: to be changed.
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: Yes, And I think single parents should be a little
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: easier on themselves. I mean, I am not a parent,
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: and I'm not a single parent, but I would say
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: that I'm a big fan of chosen families. Right, So
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: create what you need. Right, If you're a single parent
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: and you're struggling and you need help, ask for help
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: and pull those aunties in, pull those you know other
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: mamas in and create a new chosen family where you
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: have help and new traditions.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, well stay by the phone because it might be
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: pulling in. Okay, one more question. What are your thoughts
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: on New Year's resolutions? Do you think that goal setting
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: is a good thing for your mental health or that
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: kind of goal setting, like a New Year's resolution, where
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: you're like, I'm going to get healthy this year.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: This is going to be my ear.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: Do you think that is putting too much pressure or
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: like unrealistic expectations on ourselves by doing a like a
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: New Years I love this question.
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: First of all, you probably know this about me by now,
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: but I never think of things in terms of good
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: and bad, right and wrong.
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: Anytime you do that, that's called black and white thinking. Right, So,
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: anytime you do that, really, is this good or is
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: this bad? I'm going to stop you and say, maybe
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: it's both, and maybe it's neither. Right, it's let's just
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: sort of analyze it. We don't have to decide if
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: it's good or bad for me. I've never done New
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: Year's resolutions. Probably when I was younger, I did a few,
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: and then I didn't feel good, and so I pay
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: I kind of checked in, and I was like, I
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: don't feel good about this set up, and so I stopped.
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: In my twenties, I stopped doing New Year's resolutions. That
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: being said, it might work for somebody else. That might
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: be the way that they motivate themselves to you and
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: I motivate very differently. I'm a softer, like everything's okay,
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: whatever you want to do, be gentle on yourself, and
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: you're kind of you know, the way that you motivate
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: to exercise and move your body is very different than
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: the way I do. I mean, you're a lot fitter
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: than I am because of it. But I don't want
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: to do that to myself.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: I know I'm more I'm more of a tough love
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: kind of.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: I have a tough.
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: Lover and I'm a gentle kinder, gentler kinder.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, ever, you're gonna get mad at me.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: I know you're better than me, but it's not.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Better, worse, good, bad, Yeah yeah, yeah, right, yeah. I
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: think that when I do set, I mean I've done that.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: I don't even know how many times. This is going
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: to be the year that I stop eating salt and
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: get really fit and take great care of myself. And then,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: you know, week two rolls around in January and maybe
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: I don't make the right food choice for a minute
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: and I feel like a failure and I get down
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: on myself, and that just I feel that that just
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: you know, ruins the whole notion of goal setting.
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean hard and fast goals don't make a
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: lot of sense to me. You know, if anything, when
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: I hear you say that, would I would want to
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: change that to this is the year I know I'm
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: good enough and accept the amount I exercise and the
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: amount of salt I eat and the amount of health
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: I have.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: Like that would be a lovely resolution for you.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: Ooh, I like that.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: This year I'm going to be good enough.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: That's a good resolution. What's another one like that?
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: This year I am going to accept what is?
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, those are good ones.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this year I am going to be a better communicator.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: But what happens when I'm not?
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: Well, see, so when you say better, I think you
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: could say this year, I am going to notice when
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: I communicate well and be happy with myself in those moments,
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: because you do communicate well sometimes.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So, so it's not about being a better one.
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: It's about I am a good communicator at times, and
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: when I am, I'm going to.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: Like give myself a high five.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, these are so do I'm doing this. This is
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: going to be the best year ever. Twenty twenty five, lookout,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: Day Alive, Thank you Adele for joining me. You always
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: bring the best insights because I'm so smart and funny
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: and pretty.
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: Ah, thank you for having me. I love doing this
• 31:16
  Speaker 4: with you. Your show is so great and so fun.
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: And thank you again for having me, and happy holidays.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: I want to continue this conversation about prioritizing our mental
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: health and talk about an incredible place that I recently
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: learned about. It's a place that you can go if
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: you're needing something more than traditional weekly therapy. So I
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: want to bring in Shier Rabibo, a clinical director at
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Amen Treatment in Malibu, to talk more about the importance
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: of treatment for mental health. I've been to the facilities,
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: so I know firsthand how incredible this place is. Shira,
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: thank you for joining us.
• 31:59
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: When people hear mental health treatment, I don't think they
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: necessarily understand what a facility can offer them. Can you
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: kind of explain what typical things people might be struggling
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: with that could really benefit from going to a place
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: like a mend Yeah.
• 32:15
  Speaker 5: So I think when people hear residential treatment or inpatient treatment,
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: there is this larger view of it, right, like they
• 32:23
  Speaker 5: might think it has to be you know, you're in
• 32:25
  Speaker 5: critical condition it's so severe, I can't get out of bed.
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: And so amend is really more so for the everyday person,
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: right Like, while we can certainly handle major depressive disorder
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: or PTSD or generalized anxiety disorder, it is for the
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: everyday person that can't get out of bed right or
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: is struggling through their day, struggling through work. So it
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: really is a place where your friend would go or
• 32:52
  Speaker 5: your mother, right like, anyone that you would know that's
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: struggling with a mental health condition.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Your facilities in Malibu offer a minimum thirty days stay.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: What benefits and progress are people able to see when
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: they do a stay like this versus say something like
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: a weekly at home once a week kind of therapy thing.
• 33:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so at home, right like, you're seeing your therapist
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: maybe once twice a week, you know, for fifty minutes.
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: And so the thirty days stay in a treatment center
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: offers the whole clinical team to observe and assess and
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: work together to really better understand what's going on for you.
• 33:32
  Speaker 5: It has expedited results, right because you're working every day
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: on yourself and you're prioritizing yourself. It creates this routine.
• 33:41
  Speaker 5: So a lot of clients will come to us and say,
• 33:43
  Speaker 5: I struggle to go to the gym, and that's something
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: that I really want to do for myself. And we
• 33:48
  Speaker 5: have that staff available to our clients to be able
• 33:51
  Speaker 5: to push them and make sure that they're checking off
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: everything on their list that they want to accomplish. So
• 33:57
  Speaker 5: it's that and it's a place to hear outside of
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: what you're struggling with, right, like whether that's family or
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: your home environment. It's a really serene environment that allows
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: you to do work alone, you know, with the people
• 34:13
  Speaker 5: who are going to support you.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Like I said, I've been to the facilities in Malibu
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: and you just nailed it.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: It's so serene. I wanted to move in. I'm not kidding.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, it just looks so relaxing in like such a
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: beautiful place to have that space too, and that time
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: to really dive deep into myself, like I really wanted it.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: I'm needing it, I think.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: In my life too.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, walk our listeners through what a typical day might
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: be like at the facility. Are they working one on
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: one mostly with a therapist?
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: Are they in nature? Are they in group settings?
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: What is it?
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: So every day is a little different, but a general
• 35:04
  Speaker 5: day typically, you know, you wake up and there's breakfast
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: out for you. If you've had nightmares or struggle to
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: get out of bed, there's staff to support you with
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: that too, So you would start with breakfast and then meeting,
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: you know, with your therapist if you need to, meeting
• 35:20
  Speaker 5: with a clinical assistant who can support you moving through
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: your day. But we typically start our clinical day at
• 35:26
  Speaker 5: eight thirty am and it starts with a process group,
• 35:30
  Speaker 5: so you're really processing your evening the day before and
• 35:34
  Speaker 5: understanding like this is this is what I want to
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: set forward for the day, this is how I want
• 35:38
  Speaker 5: to start my day. And that's with all of the
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: other clients as well. So you're in group therapy and
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: then you'll move into an individual session with your therapist,
• 35:49
  Speaker 5: and you will have a team of three therapists, so
• 35:52
  Speaker 5: a primary therapist, a secondary therapist, and a family therapist.
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: And you'll have sessions at least five times a week
• 36:00
  Speaker 5: with your therapist, and there are about four to five
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: groups each day as well, so you'll move from one
• 36:08
  Speaker 5: group to therapy, to lunch to another group, and then
• 36:12
  Speaker 5: you'll have some downtime to work on journaling or therapy
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: assignments or maybe you're going to serve therapy whatever that
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: may be next, and then you'll move into more groups
• 36:25
  Speaker 5: and another process group at the end of the day,
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: and then we always have some type of sematic group
• 36:32
  Speaker 5: in the evening before bedtime.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: I was going to ask you about that because I
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: know that unlike other treatment programs and then integrate somatic experience. Yeah,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: can you explain to our listeners what that is?
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: Absolutely so, Sematic experiencing is a therapeutic approach. It was
• 36:50
  Speaker 5: created by Peter Levine in nineteen seventy and he really
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: made an effort to show that therapy is not just
• 36:59
  Speaker 5: for your psychological stressors, right, because trauma integrates into your
• 37:04
  Speaker 5: body and so oftentimes physical symptoms come from that.
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: We have a lot of clients with stomach pain or headaches,
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: and maybe that's actually from the cognitive stressors or the
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: trauma that you've been through, and so sematic experiencing helps
• 37:21
  Speaker 5: you take that and learn how to work with the
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: somatic feelings like the aches and pains, and better explain
• 37:28
  Speaker 5: that to your brain, so that you're not just talking
• 37:31
  Speaker 5: about those somatic symptoms, right, you're learning how to process
• 37:34
  Speaker 5: those just as much as you're learning how to process
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: your thoughts and your judgments too.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: Wow, that sounds super beneficial. I think people are talking
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: about their mental health more openly these days, which is incredible,
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: but I know there are still a lot of people
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: out there who are silently struggling. What are some signs
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: that someone might be struggling with their mental health that
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: we shouldn't be ignoring.
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah, when someone's world starts to get smaller, that's always
• 38:11
  Speaker 5: a huge indicator for me. So whether they're isolating in
• 38:15
  Speaker 5: their room, or maybe they're lashing out at their loved
• 38:18
  Speaker 5: ones and they're kind of pushing everyone away from them,
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: or maybe they're anxious to leave their house or anxious
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: to go to the grocery store, That to me is
• 38:27
  Speaker 5: a huge indicator of Okay, something's not quite right right,
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: Like they may need some support there. And maybe another
• 38:35
  Speaker 5: sign is not following their goals, you know, and trying
• 38:39
  Speaker 5: to achieve their goals that they had set forth or
• 38:42
  Speaker 5: they shared with a friend or a loved one. Those
• 38:44
  Speaker 5: are just a few that I would be mindful of.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Choosing to prioritize your mental health is probably the ultimate
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: I'd choose me decision. You can make How can we
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: explain to our friends who might not be part prioritizing
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: their mental health that it's so important, it's such an
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: important thing to do, and it is not selfish.
• 39:06
  Speaker 5: It's one of my favorite questions I think when I
• 39:09
  Speaker 5: think about therapy and mental health, I think about the
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: reasons why we engage in it, right, And the term
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: selfish pops up so often. Yet our world is about
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: the people we love and building relationships. And if I'm
• 39:26
  Speaker 5: not filling my cup, how am I supposed to support
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: others around me? Right? So taking care of your mental
• 39:33
  Speaker 5: health also supports the people you love, you know, and
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: so I think that our world is belonging empathy, validation,
• 39:41
  Speaker 5: and in order to give that to others and ourselves,
• 39:44
  Speaker 5: we have to take care of ourselves. So really thinking about,
• 39:48
  Speaker 5: like what do I need in order to give to
• 39:50
  Speaker 5: other people too?
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: That's such a good way to ask yourself that question,
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: what do I need in order to of my best
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: for other people? I like that if someone who's listening
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: has a loved one or a friend that they think
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: needs more one on help, like amend offers, do you
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: have any advice on how they can approach that subject
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: with someone or bring that up.
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't be afraid to ask the hard questions, right,
• 40:26
  Speaker 5: And I think sitting down with them and asking if
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: they've noticed a change. Chances are that they know they're
• 40:33
  Speaker 5: not feeling good and they don't know what to do
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: about it. Right, So sharing with them what you've observed
• 40:40
  Speaker 5: and asking them if they know how to get out
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: of this rut. And then I believe coming in with
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: support or different treatment centers or therapists to say, like,
• 40:49
  Speaker 5: these people do know how to help you, right, Like,
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: what's the thread of trying this? You know, because you're
• 40:55
  Speaker 5: already not feeling good right now?
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: Right? What is one preconceived notion about treatment that you
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: want people to stop using or overgeneralizing that.
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: I think we started with this, right, that you have
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: to have a serious or severe mental illness in order
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: to seek support. Right, we can use this as a
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: tool for us to just grow as people, right, Like,
• 41:23
  Speaker 5: we don't just show up one day and we know everything.
• 41:26
  Speaker 5: And so you know, if you're able to take thirty
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: days to feel better to work on yourself, like that's
• 41:33
  Speaker 5: a reason to come to treatment, right, to really just
• 41:36
  Speaker 5: dig into why you're here and what you want to
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: do with your time.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: I don't get it to be able to do that.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: If you can carve out those thirty days and just
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: dive so deep into yourself and get to know yourself
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: in a way like that, it has profound benefits in
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: just the other I don't know how many other days,
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: the other eleven months, let's say that of the year. Yes,
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: that was so important mm hm Okay, lastly, before I
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: let you go, Shira, what was your last I choose
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: me moment?
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: Hm?
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: Yesterday I had a lot of work to do, and
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: instead I decided to take my dog for a hike.
• 42:23
  Speaker 5: And I needed that time to really recoup and rejuvenate.
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: And I could have pushed through, but that just wasn't.
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: It wasn't what would have been best in that moment.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: So I think that's I'm sure your dog was happy
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: about that.
• 42:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, he didn't mind it.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for shining a light on this
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: and telling us about this incredible facility. And I think
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: this is going to be good for a lot of people.
• 42:49
  Speaker 5: Absolutely, thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Thanks, You're good to see you again too. I want
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: to thank both Adele end Shira for giving us some
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: great information today and insight into why it's so important
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: to prioritize our mental health, not just around the holidays,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: but every day as we continue to choose ourselves each week,
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: I want you this week to take some time to
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: do your own sort of mental health checklist. When was
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: the last time you sat down and you really thought
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: about how you're feeling? Try it this week. One night
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: after work or when your kids are in bed and
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: you have a little quiet time, just sit down and
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: go through some of those questions that we talked about
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: earlier with Adele. You know what can be your small wins.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: What is a different way to sort of frame a
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: new Year's resolution that will work better for you? How
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: can you incorporate some traditions into what's already happening in
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: your house? How do you incorporate some traditions that might
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: be a little bit less stressful for you? We said
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: in this episode you should be asking yourself and keep
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: reminding yourself that it is not selfish to prioritize your
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: mental health. Thanks for listening to I Choose Me. Are
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: you following the show because I really want you to,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: so make sure you open up whatever platform you're listening
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: on right now, and go to the show page and
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: hit follow because that would mean so much to me.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: You can check out all our social links in our
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: show notes and make sure to use the hashtag I
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: choose Me. I will be right here next week. I
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: hope you choose to be here too,