Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What do narcissists look for in a partner?

Transcript

What do narcissists look for in a partner? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, Beautiful people.
• 0:01
  Today we're talking about what do narcissists look for in a
• 0:05
  partner? A significant other.
• 0:08
  What do they look for? If you're new here, my name is
• 0:10
  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
• 0:12
  narcissist and welcome to another episode of The
• 0:14
  Narcissist Code. Boom.
• 0:33
  Welcome back, Welcome back, Welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:35
  What is important to a narcissist?
• 0:37
  What do they look for in a partner or significant other?
• 0:41
  Y'all know this video. Like I said, Oh my goodness
• 0:44
  yeah, I love doing these videos. I love doing them because
• 0:46
  they're thought provoking not only for me, but for other
• 0:50
  people as well. It helps bring y'all clarity and
• 0:52
  whatnot as well. But yeah, So what is important
• 0:56
  to a narcissist when searching for a significant other when
• 0:59
  looking for a partner? Yeah.
• 1:00
  So it really depends on that narcissist.
• 1:04
  It really depends on that narcissistic person.
• 1:07
  Because I'm pretty sure, I'm almost certain that everybody
• 1:11
  watching this video is going to be coming from a different
• 1:14
  situation. Yeah, everybody.
• 1:15
  People can come from similar situations, but everybody's
• 1:18
  situation is going to be unique within themselves.
• 1:21
  Like, you know, your availability could matter to a
• 1:24
  narcissist. So what I'm searching for is a
• 1:25
  partner that doesn't have a lot of availability, right?
• 1:29
  A partner that doesn't have a lot of free time so I can go do
• 1:32
  what I want to do. You know that I don't feel like
• 1:34
  I have to dedicate so much time to them.
• 1:36
  So this is one of the reasons why a lot of narcissists could
• 1:41
  pursue single parents, you know, single parents that the other
• 1:45
  parent is out of the picture or just barely ever help us out and
• 1:47
  things like that or every other weekend type stuff.
• 1:50
  They love that because I only have to dedicate a certain
• 1:53
  amount of a certain amount of time for you.
• 1:55
  So they could look for people that are available under a
• 1:58
  certain amount of time, a certain window of time, so to
• 2:01
  speak. You know, you only have a
• 2:03
  certain amount of time free for us to converse it, for us to see
• 2:06
  each other, for us to talk. It would not for us to, you
• 2:08
  know, do what we do, do what we do.
• 2:10
  The clapping of the cheeks perhaps, perhaps, maybe not a
• 2:13
  guarantee, but perhaps, you know, because that's important
• 2:17
  to some narcissistic people. Like every narcissist is going
• 2:21
  to be a different person. I know the traits are going to
• 2:23
  be similar, but how they are expressed is going to be
• 2:27
  different. You know, their socio economic
• 2:30
  status is going to be different. Their level of education is
• 2:32
  going to be different, their financial status is going to be
• 2:34
  different. So what they are searching for
• 2:36
  in a partner, what is important to them is going to be
• 2:38
  different, is going to be dependent upon that narcissistic
• 2:42
  person, right. They can be looking for somebody
• 2:45
  that's also like when I say partner or what are they looking
• 2:48
  for in a significant other or partner or relationship.
• 2:50
  Yeah, I don't mean a serious committed relationship.
• 2:53
  This could be enough. They can be looking for an
• 2:55
  affair partner. You see somebody to cheat with.
• 2:59
  So if they are married, they might also be looking for a
• 3:01
  married affair partner because we both have something to lose
• 3:05
  there, You know, you both have something to lose.
• 3:07
  You don't have any control over me and things of that nature.
• 3:10
  So they could be looking for somebody that's also married.
• 3:12
  You know, like your availability does matter.
• 3:15
  Your relate, your relationship status does matter to them.
• 3:18
  It could be very important to them, you know.
• 3:20
  So if y'all don't know, I have a mini course where I go over a
• 3:23
  lot of this stuff in detail. It's called Understanding the
• 3:25
  Seven Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship.
• 3:28
  The link is in the description of every video and podcast that
• 3:30
  I do. It goes into detail of why you
• 3:32
  were picked, why you were chosen and things like that.
• 3:34
  Check the links in the bio. But yeah, this could be super
• 3:37
  important to them. Y'all.
• 3:39
  That's what I tell. That's what I tell people when
• 3:40
  you're dealing with a narcissistic person, when you
• 3:43
  trying to get out of it. But how do I get them to leave
• 3:45
  me alone? Figure out what's important to
• 3:47
  them. Figure out why you were here
• 3:48
  with them. Figure out what type, what type
• 3:49
  of supply did they get from you? Because the type of supply is
• 3:53
  important. If you got a broke bum ass
• 3:56
  narcissistic partner, right? They could be looking for
• 3:59
  somebody that has money, they could be looking for somebody,
• 4:03
  they they could take care of them and whatnot that they can
• 4:05
  bum off of that they can mooch off of that they can, you know,
• 4:09
  they they they can be taken care of and what they have nothing to
• 4:12
  offer but you know, but love, affection and being here for you
• 4:17
  and this right here, I know people start start thinking
• 4:20
  gender is irrelevant here because there are some bum
• 4:22
  narcissistic males and bum narcissistic females there.
• 4:25
  I'm pretty sure there's some bum narcissistic, non binary folks
• 4:28
  too. You know what I mean?
• 4:29
  Y'all you y'all not exempt. You know, you see what I'm
• 4:31
  saying? Your gender, your sexuality does
• 4:34
  not matter here. You could be a bum.
• 4:35
  Bum bums come in, all creeds, races, religions.
• 4:38
  You know, there could be some, I know some Muslim bums, you know
• 4:42
  what I mean? But yeah, but that's how it goes
• 4:46
  though. They could be looking for
• 4:48
  somebody that has good financial standing, right?
• 4:51
  Your financial standing could be absolutely important for them.
• 4:54
  So they can seek out people who have equal or more or greater
• 4:59
  financial standing. But that's also kind of crazy as
• 5:02
  well, because if you have greater financial standing in
• 5:05
  them, they can also make them jealous of you.
• 5:07
  You say they can hate that they have to get money from you.
• 5:10
  They can hate that you are in control of the money, or they
• 5:12
  have to ask for money or something like that.
• 5:14
  They can absolutely hate that right there.
• 5:16
  So they can be. They can also drive them away.
• 5:19
  The same thing that attracts them to you can also
• 5:21
  simultaneously push them away from you, because that happens.
• 5:25
  The same thing that that that makes them attracted to you, the
• 5:28
  same thing that is important to them can make them hate you
• 5:31
  later on. It's crazy how that works.
• 5:32
  Like your financial status, like you or rich or popular or
• 5:35
  something like that. You have money, you have a lot
• 5:37
  of disposable income, and they have very they have very none,
• 5:40
  very little or none. They can hate you for that.
• 5:43
  They can become jealous of you because oh, you are furious to
• 5:46
  get you got a silver spoon. You're like you, you got the
• 5:48
  only wish, you got money because your parents, whatever the
• 5:50
  situation is so they can hate on you The only wish you have this
• 5:52
  job because of nepotism or whatever it is, you know,
• 5:55
  because you, you you got on your knees to get the job.
• 5:57
  Whatever it is, they make you feel bad about it because
• 6:00
  because they are insecure about that fine understanding.
• 6:02
  So they try to project that onto you so your financial standing
• 6:05
  could absolutely be important to them.
• 6:07
  Now it really, really could. It really, really can.
• 6:09
  Like another thing that could be important to narcissists that
• 6:12
  they're looking for in a significant other is your
• 6:15
  education level or your ability to handle, have an educated
• 6:19
  conversation, right. It could absolutely be your
• 6:22
  education, like how smart you are, how smart you talk, you
• 6:25
  know, because you can just talk smart and whatnot and that could
• 6:28
  be enough for them. Like as long as you like say you
• 6:32
  can be smart. They like sometimes they like
• 6:33
  smart people. They like educated people.
• 6:35
  So your level of education, because they themselves might
• 6:38
  also be educated or or or or they can just feel like that
• 6:43
  they're entitled to or having a smart educated partner because
• 6:46
  they feel even with no education, even with no book
• 6:49
  smart, even with no St. smarts, they might feel like that they
• 6:52
  they might feel like they are the smartest person in the room,
• 6:56
  so they feel like they deserve a smart person.
• 7:00
  So your education status, your level of education, it could
• 7:02
  also be important to them where you went to school at and things
• 7:05
  of that nature. But again, again y'all know I'm
• 7:08
  going to say again because the same thing that draws them to
• 7:12
  you can push them away from, you can make them hate you because
• 7:15
  you might you might be more educated than them.
• 7:18
  They might only have a high school diploma and you have an
• 7:21
  associate's degree and they hate you for that.
• 7:23
  You have a bachelor's degree, they hate you for that.
• 7:25
  You have a masters of PhD or whatever.
• 7:28
  You are double PhD, whatever. They can hate you for that Same
• 7:31
  exact thing, the same thing that pulls you in.
• 7:33
  The same thing that attracts repels.
• 7:36
  You know, it's crazy how that works because they might love an
• 7:40
  educated person, but they also simultaneously hate you for it,
• 7:43
  because they become jealous of it, because now they're in, they
• 7:45
  feel like they're in competition with you.
• 7:46
  The same, the same type of thing with the money, the financial
• 7:50
  incentive. They can feel like they're in
• 7:51
  constant competition with you and what not.
• 7:54
  Because they feel insecure around you, because they you
• 7:57
  make them feel less than because of this situation, because of
• 8:00
  your education, because of your financial standing, you make
• 8:03
  them feel like they are less than you, even though you
• 8:05
  haven't. You haven't done anything
• 8:06
  different. You don't make them.
• 8:07
  You don't go out of your way to make them feel like less than.
• 8:09
  They just feel that way. There's nothing you do to make
• 8:12
  them feel like they are less than.
• 8:14
  They just feel their way naturally.
• 8:15
  It's like a natural less than you say, a natural less than or
• 8:19
  equal to symbol and whatnot. Because that happens quite a bit
• 8:21
  as well. So that's why I'm just telling
• 8:22
  people you in these situations you have to empower yourself.
• 8:25
  Like if you if that's what they get from you, like you're smart
• 8:28
  to attract them. The same thing.
• 8:30
  Looks, looks can be also be important to a narcissist as
• 8:35
  well. Your looks, your level of
• 8:36
  attractiveness. I know, y'all knew.
• 8:38
  I hate and skip the looks. Looks are not always super
• 8:42
  important to narcissists. Let's go and say that y'all
• 8:44
  looks are not always super important and this when I say
• 8:47
  that y'all this is not this is not a free for all for people to
• 8:51
  hop in the conversation and be like well oh court it looks
• 8:53
  definitely don't matter because they left me for somebody that
• 8:55
  looks like this they left me for well they left me for whatever
• 8:58
  it is. I don't have to disrespect the
• 9:00
  now if the if the new supplier knew about you.
• 9:03
  We can we can we can we can let it slide a little bit.
• 9:05
  But if they didn't know there was a kind of a bystander in
• 9:07
  this situation. They didn't know.
• 9:08
  They get they got lied to to. Yeah.
• 9:11
  You gotta you ain't gotta diss them.
• 9:13
  You ain't gotta diss them. Now I like to understand.
• 9:15
  I understand. If they knew you were around
• 9:17
  this away. I'll.
• 9:19
  I'll allow it. You know.
• 9:21
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 9:23
  Objection will be sustained. Your objection will be
• 9:26
  sustained. They're like sustained you know,
• 9:29
  objectionably they knew about me.
• 9:32
  Sustained. You know.
• 9:33
  OK. You get this away.
• 9:36
  Yeah, looks. They're not always super
• 9:37
  important to them, but your level of attractiveness could
• 9:40
  attract A narcissistic person. It could be super important to
• 9:43
  them because they feel like they deserve a good looking person, a
• 9:45
  conventionally attractive person, right?
• 9:48
  Even if they themselves are not conventionally attractive, they
• 9:50
  are conventionally attractive. They're going to be trying to be
• 9:52
  prettier than you. Male, female, non binary, you
• 9:55
  know, whatever you identify as, they will try to compete with
• 9:58
  you. It doesn't really matter like
• 10:00
  that. You you are, you are their
• 10:02
  competition and whatnot. You really, really are.
• 10:05
  So they're going to compete with you.
• 10:06
  Your looks might attract them, but it also makes them jealous.
• 10:09
  You see how y'all see a pattern forming here?
• 10:12
  The same thing that is important to them at first, The same thing
• 10:16
  that they look for in a partner, a significant other, they they
• 10:19
  end up hating later on because it makes them feel insecure.
• 10:22
  It makes them feel a certain type of way.
• 10:24
  Your level of attractiveness could be pushing that
• 10:26
  narcissistic person away. It could draw the man, but it
• 10:29
  pushes them away at the same time.
• 10:31
  You know, this happens right there.
• 10:33
  Y'all that really does, that really can happen in this space.
• 10:36
  The same thing that draws them to you can absolutely push them
• 10:39
  away. Like looks that are not always
• 10:41
  super important, but sometimes they are.
• 10:43
  It really depends on that narcissist, right?
• 10:45
  They have their certain standards and whatever and what
• 10:48
  not. So that that can happen to y'all
• 10:49
  and another another thing, y'all another thing that could attract
• 10:53
  the narcissist, that could be important to them.
• 10:55
  And I can't guess what I'm going to say.
• 10:58
  You didn't. You couldn't guess.
• 10:59
  It could you? Your level of vulnerability.
• 11:03
  Yep, Yep, Yep. You being vulnerable could be
• 11:09
  important to them because they will.
• 11:11
  In your level of empathy, your level of empathy, and your level
• 11:13
  of vulnerability, that could be important to them.
• 11:16
  No, not all narcissists are attracted to high levels of
• 11:19
  empathy. That's not.
• 11:20
  I just don't believe that. But the ones that are, it's in,
• 11:24
  it's super important to them that you have a high level of
• 11:26
  empathy. It's important to them that you
• 11:28
  have a high level of vulnerability so they can
• 11:30
  weaponize that against you. It's important to them.
• 11:34
  They look for that that type of stuff right there, so they can
• 11:35
  get away with stuff because they can turn your empathy against
• 11:38
  you. I thought you were a kind
• 11:39
  person. I thought you were a forgiving
• 11:41
  person. But guess I was wrong, right?
• 11:42
  To help me, right. I thought you were kind, caring,
• 11:45
  empathetic person, but the hell with me, right?
• 11:47
  Guess you're not. Guess I was wrong, right?
• 11:50
  You say there's a distinct possibility right there of how
• 11:54
  that happens, how that goes. So I'm telling you, like your
• 11:57
  vulnerability could attract them and I don't know, like your
• 12:00
  vulnerability might not repel them later on.
• 12:03
  But your empathy, like I said, could be a a deciding factor or
• 12:07
  whether or not they pursue you because that's that could be
• 12:09
  super important to them, you know, It really really could.
• 12:13
  You know the last thing I'll talk about today, y'all is they
• 12:16
  could attract to them. They could be important to them
• 12:18
  is your family, it's your support group.
• 12:20
  I'll say that your support group.
• 12:22
  Now this could go either way your your good support group
• 12:26
  could attract them or your lack of support group, your lack of
• 12:29
  friends and family could also attract them.
• 12:31
  It really depends on a narcissist.
• 12:34
  Some narcissists like for you to have a good support Group, A
• 12:36
  good support system so they can get kind of integrate into your
• 12:39
  life because that's what they might lack that.
• 12:42
  But if they get into a a relationship space with you,
• 12:45
  it's kind of like prepackaged, you know, it's like I got a
• 12:47
  prepackaged group of friends and family now because me and you
• 12:50
  are together. But the also the opposite could
• 12:52
  be true for the narcissist as well.
• 12:54
  When they hate the fact that you have friends and family, you
• 12:56
  know they hate the fact that you have friends and family they
• 12:59
  hate. But some of them could love the
• 13:01
  fact that you don't have friends and family because that means
• 13:03
  they can. The isolation is easy because
• 13:05
  you don't have friends and family.
• 13:07
  I do, but you don't. So the isolating factors can be
• 13:10
  easy as hell to to, you know, to do right here.
• 13:12
  So there's something to think about Y'all there's really a lot
• 13:15
  like I got a lot to think about that I'm like family.
• 13:17
  You you overloaded. That's with info today.
• 13:19
  That's what I'm here for. Y'all.
• 13:21
  I'm a I'm a information overloader.
• 13:22
  That's why I'm here to overload y'all with information.
• 13:24
  And hope this helps Y'all in some way shape or form.
• 13:27
  Again check out my support. Check out my mini course.
• 13:30
  Understand. Understanding the seven stages
• 13:32
  of a narcissistic relationship. Also I have a private support
• 13:37
  group, you know private support group where people we, we have
• 13:40
  weekly meetings and whatnot. This is a private support group.
• 13:43
  It's called the mental healers. The link is in the description
• 13:45
  as well. Make sure you like subscribe to
• 13:47
  this channel like leave a comment like subscribe and thank
• 13:50
  you so much. Mental illness is that piece.
• 13:53
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 13:55
  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 13:58
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 14:00
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 14:02
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 14:04
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 14:08
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 14:10
  fault on Amazon, so check that out.
• 14:12
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 14:13
  video. Peace.