Latest / Daily Relationship Tips: Practical Relationship Skills That Help Couples Reconnect / 3 - The 3 Words Your Partner Needs to Hear

Transcript

3 - The 3 Words Your Partner Needs to Hear · Daily Relationship Tips: Practical Relationship Skills That Help Couples Reconnect

• 0:00
  A
• 0:00
  couple
• 0:01
  came
• 0:01
  to
• 0:01
  see
• 0:01
  me
• 0:02
  not
• 0:02
  long
• 0:02
  ago.
• 0:03
  Together
• 0:03
  for
• 0:04
  12
• 0:04
  years,
• 0:05
  two
• 0:05
  kids.
• 0:06
  Good
• 0:06
  life
• 0:06
  by
• 0:07
  most
• 0:07
  measures.
• 0:08
  About
• 0:09
  halfway
• 0:09
  through
• 0:10
  our
• 0:10
  first
• 0:10
  session,
• 0:11
  I
• 0:11
  asked
• 0:11
  them,
• 0:12
  when
• 0:13
  did
• 0:13
  you
• 0:13
  last
• 0:13
  tell
• 0:13
  each
• 0:14
  other
• 0:14
  I
• 0:14
  love
• 0:15
  you?
• 0:16
  They
• 0:16
  looked
• 0:16
  at
• 0:16
  each
• 0:17
  other,
• 0:17
  then
• 0:18
  at
• 0:18
  the
• 0:18
  floor.
• 0:20
  Then
• 0:20
  the
• 0:20
  wife
• 0:20
  said
• 0:21
  quietly,
• 0:22
  I
• 0:22
  honestly
• 0:23
  can't
• 0:23
  remember.
• 0:24
  Her
• 0:25
  husband
• 0:25
  didn't
• 0:25
  say
• 0:26
  anything.
• 0:27
  He
• 0:27
  didn't
• 0:27
  need
• 0:28
  to,
• 0:28
  because
• 0:29
  he
• 0:29
  couldn't
• 0:29
  remember
• 0:30
  either.
• 0:31
  I'm
• 0:31
  Alastair
• 0:32
  Dues
• 0:33
  and
• 0:33
  this
• 0:34
  is
• 0:34
  the
• 0:34
  daily
• 0:34
  Relationship
• 0:35
  Tips
• 0:35
  podcast
• 0:36
  where
• 0:37
  I
• 0:37
  share
• 0:37
  simple,
• 0:38
  practical
• 0:38
  tools
• 0:39
  to
• 0:39
  help
• 0:39
  you
• 0:40
  and
• 0:40
  your
• 0:40
  partner
• 0:41
  feel
• 0:41
  close,
• 0:42
  connected
• 0:43
  and
• 0:43
  in
• 0:43
  love
• 0:43
  again,
• 0:45
  one
• 0:45
  small
• 0:46
  habit
• 0:46
  at
• 0:47
  a
• 0:47
  time
• 0:48
  now
• 0:48
  here's
• 0:49
  something
• 0:49
  many
• 0:50
  people
• 0:50
  don't
• 0:50
  realize
• 0:51
  about
• 0:51
  love.
• 0:53
  Feeling
• 0:53
  it
• 0:53
  isn't
• 0:53
  enough.
• 0:54
  You
• 0:54
  have
• 0:55
  to
• 0:55
  say
• 0:55
  it.
• 0:56
  In
• 0:57
  many
• 0:57
  long
• 0:57
  term
• 0:57
  relationships,
• 0:58
  those
• 0:59
  three
• 0:59
  words
• 1:00
  quietly
• 1:00
  disappear,
• 1:02
  not
• 1:02
  in
• 1:02
  one
• 1:02
  moment.
• 1:03
  Gradually,
• 1:04
  the
• 1:05
  morning
• 1:05
  rush
• 1:05
  gets
• 1:06
  in
• 1:06
  the
• 1:06
  way.
• 1:07
  The
• 1:07
  kids
• 1:08
  need
• 1:08
  something.
• 1:09
  You're
• 1:09
  Both
• 1:09
  exhausted
• 1:10
  by
• 1:10
  9
• 1:11
  o'
• 1:11
  clock,
• 1:12
  and
• 1:12
  before
• 1:13
  long,
• 1:14
  I
• 1:14
  love
• 1:14
  you
• 1:15
  becomes
• 1:15
  something
• 1:15
  you
• 1:16
  feel
• 1:16
  but
• 1:16
  never
• 1:17
  actually
• 1:17
  say.
• 1:19
  The
• 1:19
  trouble
• 1:19
  is,
• 1:20
  your
• 1:20
  partner
• 1:20
  can't
• 1:21
  hear
• 1:21
  what's
• 1:22
  in
• 1:22
  your
• 1:22
  head.
• 1:23
  They
• 1:23
  can
• 1:23
  only
• 1:24
  feel
• 1:24
  what
• 1:24
  you
• 1:25
  show
• 1:25
  them.
• 1:26
  Now
• 1:27
  I
• 1:27
  know
• 1:27
  what
• 1:27
  you
• 1:28
  might
• 1:28
  be
• 1:28
  thinking.
• 1:29
  My
• 1:29
  partner
• 1:30
  knows
• 1:30
  I
• 1:31
  love
• 1:31
  them.
• 1:32
  I
• 1:32
  don't
• 1:32
  need
• 1:32
  to
• 1:33
  say
• 1:33
  it.
• 1:34
  But
• 1:34
  here's
• 1:35
  the
• 1:36
  Knowing
• 1:36
  you're
• 1:36
  loved
• 1:37
  and
• 1:37
  feeling
• 1:37
  loved
• 1:38
  are
• 1:38
  two
• 1:38
  very
• 1:38
  different
• 1:39
  experiences.
• 1:40
  One
• 1:41
  is
• 1:41
  information,
• 1:42
  the
• 1:43
  other
• 1:43
  is
• 1:43
  connection.
• 1:45
  And
• 1:45
  it's
• 1:45
  the
• 1:45
  feeling
• 1:46
  that
• 1:46
  keeps
• 1:47
  a
• 1:47
  relationship
• 1:47
  alive.
• 1:49
  Here's
• 1:49
  where
• 1:50
  most
• 1:50
  people
• 1:50
  get
• 1:50
  this
• 1:51
  wrong.
• 1:52
  They
• 1:52
  treat
• 1:52
  I
• 1:53
  love
• 1:53
  you
• 1:53
  as
• 1:54
  something
• 1:54
  that
• 1:54
  was
• 1:54
  established
• 1:55
  once
• 1:56
  and
• 1:56
  doesn't
• 1:56
  need
• 1:57
  repeating.
• 1:58
  But
• 1:59
  love
• 1:59
  isn't
• 1:59
  a
• 1:59
  fact
• 2:00
  you
• 2:00
  sat
• 2:00
  and
• 2:01
  forget.
• 2:02
  It's
• 2:03
  a
• 2:03
  feeling
• 2:03
  you
• 2:03
  renew
• 2:04
  over
• 2:05
  and
• 2:05
  over
• 2:06
  through
• 2:06
  the
• 2:06
  words
• 2:06
  and
• 2:07
  actions
• 2:08
  you
• 2:08
  choose
• 2:09
  every
• 2:09
  day.
• 2:10
  When
• 2:11
  you
• 2:11
  stop
• 2:11
  renewing
• 2:12
  it,
• 2:12
  your
• 2:12
  partner
• 2:13
  stops
• 2:13
  feeling
• 2:13
  it,
• 2:14
  even
• 2:15
  if
• 2:15
  nothing
• 2:15
  else
• 2:15
  has
• 2:16
  changed.
• 2:17
  So
• 2:18
  here's
• 2:18
  the
• 2:18
  practice.
• 2:20
  Say
• 2:20
  I
• 2:20
  love
• 2:21
  you
• 2:21
  to
• 2:21
  your
• 2:21
  partner
• 2:22
  today.
• 2:23
  Deliberately,
• 2:24
  genuinely,
• 2:24
  with
• 2:25
  your
• 2:25
  full
• 2:25
  attention.
• 2:27
  Not
• 2:27
  a
• 2:27
  quick
• 2:27
  love
• 2:28
  you
• 2:28
  mumbled
• 2:29
  on
• 2:29
  the
• 2:29
  way
• 2:29
  out
• 2:29
  the
• 2:29
  door.
• 2:31
  Actually
• 2:31
  stop.
• 2:32
  Look
• 2:32
  at
• 2:33
  them,
• 2:33
  say
• 2:34
  it
• 2:34
  like
• 2:34
  you
• 2:34
  mean
• 2:34
  it,
• 2:36
  and
• 2:36
  then
• 2:36
  make
• 2:36
  it
• 2:36
  a
• 2:36
  daily
• 2:37
  habit.
• 2:38
  It
• 2:38
  doesn't
• 2:39
  matter
• 2:39
  how,
• 2:40
  in
• 2:40
  person,
• 2:41
  in
• 2:41
  a
• 2:41
  text,
• 2:42
  in
• 2:42
  a
• 2:43
  note
• 2:43
  left
• 2:43
  on
• 2:43
  the
• 2:43
  kitchen
• 2:44
  bench.
• 2:45
  What
• 2:45
  matters
• 2:46
  is
• 2:46
  consistency.
• 2:48
  Your
• 2:48
  partner
• 2:48
  hearing
• 2:49
  those
• 2:49
  words
• 2:49
  from
• 2:50
  you
• 2:50
  regularly
• 2:51
  builds
• 2:52
  something
• 2:52
  that's
• 2:52
  hard
• 2:53
  to
• 2:53
  put
• 2:53
  into
• 2:53
  words.
• 2:56
  I
• 2:56
  still
• 2:57
  choose
• 2:57
  you.
• 2:58
  Every
• 2:58
  day.
• 2:59
  I
• 2:59
  still
• 2:59
  choose
• 3:00
  you.
• 3:01
  I
• 3:01
  seen
• 3:01
  the
• 3:01
  difference
• 3:02
  this
• 3:02
  makes
• 3:02
  in
• 3:03
  so
• 3:03
  many
• 3:03
  relationships.
• 3:05
  One
• 3:05
  couple
• 3:05
  I
• 3:05
  worked
• 3:06
  with
• 3:06
  had
• 3:06
  been
• 3:07
  together
• 3:07
  for
• 3:07
  17
• 3:08
  years.
• 3:09
  Great
• 3:09
  friendship,
• 3:10
  solid
• 3:11
  team.
• 3:12
  But
• 3:12
  they
• 3:12
  drifted
• 3:13
  into
• 3:13
  a
• 3:13
  routine
• 3:13
  where
• 3:14
  affection
• 3:14
  had
• 3:15
  become
• 3:15
  almost
• 3:15
  transactional.
• 3:17
  Polite
• 3:18
  but
• 3:18
  not
• 3:18
  warm.
• 3:20
  He
• 3:20
  started
• 3:20
  saying
• 3:21
  I
• 3:21
  love
• 3:21
  you
• 3:22
  every
• 3:22
  morning
• 3:22
  before
• 3:23
  leaving
• 3:23
  for
• 3:23
  work
• 3:24
  properly.
• 3:26
  Not
• 3:26
  as
• 3:26
  a
• 3:27
  habit,
• 3:28
  as
• 3:28
  a
• 3:28
  choice,
• 3:29
  she
• 3:30
  told
• 3:30
  me
• 3:30
  a
• 3:30
  month
• 3:30
  later.
• 3:31
  It
• 3:31
  sounds
• 3:32
  so
• 3:32
  small,
• 3:33
  but
• 3:34
  it's
• 3:34
  changed
• 3:34
  something.
• 3:35
  I
• 3:36
  feel
• 3:36
  like
• 3:36
  we're
• 3:36
  actually
• 3:37
  in
• 3:37
  a
• 3:37
  relationship
• 3:37
  again,
• 3:38
  not
• 3:39
  just
• 3:39
  running
• 3:39
  a
• 3:39
  household.
• 3:41
  Three
• 3:41
  words
• 3:42
  said
• 3:42
  deliberately,
• 3:44
  every
• 3:44
  day
• 3:46
  so
• 3:46
  here's
• 3:46
  your
• 3:46
  challenge
• 3:47
  for
• 3:47
  today.
• 3:48
  Say
• 3:49
  I
• 3:49
  love
• 3:49
  you
• 3:49
  to
• 3:49
  your
• 3:50
  partner.
• 3:51
  Not
• 3:51
  later,
• 3:52
  not
• 3:52
  when
• 3:52
  the
• 3:53
  moment
• 3:53
  feels
• 3:53
  right,
• 3:54
  but
• 3:54
  today.
• 3:56
  Look
• 3:56
  them
• 3:56
  in
• 3:56
  the
• 3:57
  eyes
• 3:57
  and
• 3:57
  say
• 3:58
  it
• 3:58
  like
• 3:58
  you
• 3:58
  mean
• 3:59
  it,
• 4:00
  because
• 4:00
  you
• 4:00
  do.
• 4:01
  And
• 4:02
  if
• 4:02
  it
• 4:02
  feels
• 4:03
  a
• 4:03
  little
• 4:03
  awkward
• 4:03
  at
• 4:04
  first,
• 4:04
  that's
• 4:05
  okay.
• 4:06
  That
• 4:06
  awkwardness
• 4:07
  is
• 4:07
  just
• 4:08
  the
• 4:08
  gap
• 4:08
  between
• 4:08
  where
• 4:09
  you've
• 4:09
  been
• 4:10
  and
• 4:10
  where
• 4:10
  you're
• 4:10
  heading.
• 4:11
  Push
• 4:12
  through
• 4:12
  it,
• 4:13
  because
• 4:14
  here's
• 4:14
  what
• 4:14
  this
• 4:14
  means
• 4:15
  long
• 4:15
  term.
• 4:17
  Every
• 4:17
  time
• 4:17
  you
• 4:17
  say
• 4:18
  those
• 4:18
  words
• 4:18
  and
• 4:19
  mean
• 4:19
  them,
• 4:20
  you're
• 4:20
  making
• 4:20
  a
• 4:21
  small
• 4:21
  deposit
• 4:22
  into
• 4:22
  the
• 4:22
  emotional
• 4:23
  life
• 4:23
  of
• 4:23
  your
• 4:23
  relationship.
• 4:25
  Over
• 4:25
  weeks,
• 4:26
  months,
• 4:26
  years,
• 4:28
  that
• 4:28
  account
• 4:28
  grows.
• 4:30
  And
• 4:30
  the
• 4:30
  couples
• 4:31
  who
• 4:31
  keep
• 4:31
  making
• 4:31
  those
• 4:31
  deposits
• 4:32
  are
• 4:32
  the
• 4:33
  ones
• 4:33
  who
• 4:33
  still
• 4:33
  feel
• 4:34
  genuinely
• 4:34
  in
• 4:34
  love
• 4:35
  a
• 4:35
  decade
• 4:35
  from
• 4:36
  now.
• 4:37
  It
• 4:37
  starts
• 4:38
  with
• 4:38
  three.
• 4:40
  Say
• 4:40
  them
• 4:40
  today.
• 4:42
  Take
• 4:42
  that
• 4:42
  challenge
• 4:43
  seriously.
• 4:45
  Say
• 4:45
  I
• 4:45
  love
• 4:45
  you
• 4:46
  to
• 4:46
  your
• 4:46
  partner
• 4:47
  today.
• 4:48
  Deliberately,
• 4:49
  with
• 4:49
  your
• 4:49
  full
• 4:49
  attention.
• 4:51
  Those
• 4:51
  three
• 4:52
  words,
• 4:52
  said
• 4:53
  consistently
• 4:54
  and
• 4:54
  meant
• 4:54
  genuinely,
• 4:55
  are
• 4:56
  one
• 4:56
  of
• 4:56
  the
• 4:56
  simplest
• 4:57
  ways
• 4:57
  to
• 4:57
  keep
• 4:58
  love
• 4:58
  alive.
• 5:00
  Now,
• 5:01
  before
• 5:01
  you
• 5:01
  go,
• 5:02
  here's
• 5:02
  something
• 5:03
  worth
• 5:03
  two
• 5:03
  minutes
• 5:04
  of
• 5:04
  your
• 5:04
  time
• 5:05
  on
• 5:06
  the
• 5:06
  homepage
• 5:06
  at
• 5:07
  daily
• 5:07
  relationshiptips.com
• 5:09
  There's
• 5:09
  a
• 5:09
  free
• 5:09
  quiz
• 5:10
  that
• 5:10
  shows
• 5:11
  you
• 5:11
  how
• 5:11
  close
• 5:11
  or
• 5:12
  you
• 5:12
  and
• 5:12
  your
• 5:12
  partner
• 5:13
  really
• 5:13
  are
• 5:14
  right
• 5:14
  now
• 5:15
  and
• 5:15
  where
• 5:15
  your
• 5:16
  easy
• 5:16
  wins
• 5:16
  are
• 5:17
  hiding.
• 5:18
  No
• 5:18
  guessing,
• 5:19
  no
• 5:19
  overwhelm.
• 5:21
  Just
• 5:21
  a
• 5:21
  clear
• 5:21
  picture
• 5:22
  of
• 5:22
  where
• 5:22
  to
• 5:22
  start.
• 5:24
  And
• 5:24
  while
• 5:24
  you're
• 5:25
  there,
• 5:25
  you'll
• 5:26
  find
• 5:26
  a
• 5:26
  stack
• 5:27
  of
• 5:27
  relationship
• 5:27
  resources
• 5:28
  to
• 5:29
  help
• 5:29
  you
• 5:29
  put
• 5:30
  these
• 5:30
  habits
• 5:30
  into
• 5:31
  practice.
• 5:32
  Everything
• 5:33
  you
• 5:33
  need
• 5:33
  to
• 5:34
  create
• 5:34
  a
• 5:34
  happier,
• 5:35
  more
• 5:35
  loving
• 5:35
  and
• 5:36
  connected
• 5:36
  relationship
• 5:37
  is
• 5:37
  waiting
• 5:37
  for
• 5:38
  you.
• 5:39
  Thanks
• 5:39
  for
• 5:39
  listening,
• 5:40
  and
• 5:40
  I'll
• 5:40
  see
• 5:40
  you
• 5:41
  in
• 5:41
  the
• 5:41
  next
• 5:41
  episode.