Latest / Typology / Navigating the Holidays: How to Support Each Enneagram Type, feat. Christina Wilcox

Transcript

Navigating the Holidays: How to Support Each Enneagram Type, feat. Christina Wilcox · Typology

0:02
Hello, hello, hello, Typology friends, Ian Cron here.
0:06
Once again, as you know, the podcast on which we explore the
0:09
mystery of the human personality and the human adventure through
0:13
the lens of the Enneagram. I'm joined by the inimitable, the
0:17
wonderful, the exotic, Anthony Skinner.
0:22
Well, you got it right when you said exotic. I don't know about living
0:33
Exotic. How are you doing, Ian? You got some family in
0:38
Yeah. We celebrated Thanksgiving late and Christmas early this
0:42
year because we didn't want to ask our adult children
0:45
to endure traveling on those weekends. So,
0:49
we brought them all in this past week, and it was a hoot, right? You
0:53
know my family. So, we have me, an Enneagram 4, my
0:56
wife, an Enneagram 9. You have my son, Aiden,
1:00
who is an Enneagram 7. We have my oldest, Cale,
1:04
who is an 8. We have my middle, Maddie, who
1:07
is a 9. And we had Maddie's husband,
1:11
Paul, who is a 7. And Cale's partner,
1:14
Buddy, who is a 6. So
1:18
it's, it's really like an Enneagram salad here during
1:22
the holidays. You know what I'm saying? It's like dress and
1:26
toss. It's crazy. It is
1:34
It just depended on the day. Okay. Because we
1:37
played, we did, we played pickleball. We went and
1:40
played indoor putt, putt. If you want to see the Enneagram in
1:45
action, go play indoor putt, putt with your family. Okay.
1:49
And I'm going to have to take you to this place. Cause it was insanely great. I have to
1:52
say it was insanely great in downtown Nashville, total win. Um,
1:56
and this leads me into the reason I'm so excited about
1:59
our conversation today, because we have on with us
2:03
today a person who has written two books
2:06
about the Enneagram and the first is "Take Care of Your Type: An Enneagram Guide
2:10
to Self-care." And their latest book is
2:14
"Take Care of Your Friends: An Enneagram Guide to Interpersonal
2:18
Relationships." And I thought, this is a great opportunity to
2:21
talk about how to take care of family, friends, and
2:25
yourself during Christmas. What
2:29
Perfect topic. I think it's the perfect way to, have
2:33
you said the name yet? Did I miss it? Not yet. I'm coming up on it right now. It's
2:41
And with no further ado then, let us welcome Christina Wilcox,
2:45
author of Take Care of Your Type, Take Care of Your Friends.
2:49
Thank you so much for having me. I'm honored to...
2:53
The segue from indoor putt-putt to me is
2:57
just how I want to be introduced from here on
3:00
out. Good. I am a putt-putt champion within
3:04
my family, so it actually worked very
3:08
You'll be happy to know that I dominated in putt-putt this
3:12
year. I won. That's amazing. It was a big moment. Big
3:17
It feels, it's one of those things that feels good to win.
3:23
Yes. Well, I'm a self-preservation four so winning actually does
3:29
Yeah. It's, it's real. All right. So Christina, you are an Enneagram six
3:33
and we always begin by asking our guests how they
3:36
discovered their type and what, what difference it made in their
3:41
Yeah, so I mistyped originally. I
3:45
became exposed to the Enneagram through
3:49
a worship leader at the church I was also singing
3:53
at growing up, and he was a four. And
3:58
he knew that I was very much interested in psychology
4:02
or just personality type stuff. And he was like, you're
4:06
definitely a four. You need to take it. You're definitely a four.
4:10
And so I took the test, and I
4:14
actually did get a four. And I always
4:18
caution this to say this has nothing to do with fours or
4:22
four traits. But when I read the description of
4:26
a four, I think it was honestly very
4:29
upsetting to me at first. But
4:35
again, not because of fours. It was because I
4:40
realized that who I was internally wasn't
4:45
being understood by the people around me.
4:48
I didn't realize that that's how people were interpreting me,
4:52
and it didn't feel very authentic to who I was. So
4:56
I actually swore off of the Enneagram for a long time because
5:00
it upset me so much. But then I
5:04
eventually found my way back to it, and also
5:08
mistyped again as a three. And once
5:12
I actually started putting in the work for like
5:16
just started going to therapy and really digging into just
5:21
some things I was working through. That is when
5:24
I discovered my true type of being a 6. And
5:28
also, throughout that time, I had moved away
5:32
from a very stressful environment that I was in. And
5:37
I found that that roadmap of 6 to
5:41
3 in stress, it explained the mistype for me
5:44
in that regard. Because when I do get stressed, I
5:47
do tend to very much lean into a lot of
5:51
3 energy. So I felt
5:54
very relieved to finally experience
5:59
the Enneagram and the impact it can have for me
6:02
as an individual because before, throughout all
6:06
this time, I was like mistyping and trying to figure out
6:09
my own type. I really became hyper fixated on
6:13
how it was helping the people around
6:17
me and how it was helping me understand
6:20
those around me, how, I don't know, just even relationships I
6:24
saw that started implementing it as a tool in
6:27
their life. I just became hyper fixated on
6:31
it, which is why it's, I just want to say really cool for me
6:34
to be on this podcast. I've been a long time
6:38
listener, like way before I even started having
6:42
any sort of digital footprint in relation to the Enneagram. So
6:46
it's very full circle for me to be here and I'm very grateful. But
6:50
yeah, I have found that now that I
6:54
know my true type is a six, It really felt like a
6:57
mirror, and that I was finally seeing things that
7:02
I hadn't been able to see previously when I was mistyping.
7:06
So the mystery to me still is
7:09
why this person who ostensibly knew you well
7:12
mistyped you as a 4, and it sounds like this person wasn't alone. It
7:16
sounds like some other people jumped on that bandwagon as
7:20
Yeah, I think so far my curiosity
7:24
towards that has been because I tend to
7:28
lean into a lot of three traits
7:32
when I'm stressed. I would say the main one being the
7:36
adaptability of the three to be a social
7:40
chameleon in a lot of ways, or just like acting. I
7:44
found myself in a lot of groups, probably just
7:48
due to social anxiety, to be honest, of
7:51
just taking on traits of other people in the
7:54
moment. And so once I also
7:58
started working through some of my social anxiety, I
8:02
found that I wasn't mirroring the people
8:06
around me as much. I think the stereotype that
8:10
a lot of people hear about in regards to
8:13
four, and even with this person that I was around who
8:16
was a four, I think just simply the fact that I was I
8:21
am a very creative person and I enjoy art, I enjoy
8:25
media conception, and I love to
8:29
share deeply and go deep with people, be emotional, feel
8:33
emotions deeply, and share that with others. I think that in
8:37
his understanding of what a four was at the time, I
8:41
think he just thought that because I was willing to
8:44
sit with him in certain places that I had to be the
8:48
same, I think. Or it could have just been because we were both on
8:54
Anthony can tell you from personal experience that being on
9:00
It is. Oh my gosh. I could do
9:06
Truly. So you're not the first six who's talked to me
9:09
about social anxiety. How did that show up for you and how have you
9:17
I came out of the womb with social anxiety. I
9:21
remember when I first started going to therapy and
9:25
actually like seeking answers for some
9:29
for the struggles I was facing in my life mentally. I
9:33
remember people asking me, whether it was a psychiatrist
9:37
or a therapist, when do you remember your anxiety beginning?
9:41
And I was like, I have no recollection of a
9:44
life without it. And I
9:49
think with Some other things, I have
9:52
ADHD, I am neurodivergent, and there's
9:56
a lot of social anxiety that comes into
9:59
misunderstanding social cues or being misunderstood in
10:03
general with just living with certain setbacks.
10:09
I think that how the six and diving
10:13
into being a six has helped me unravel that
10:16
social anxiety is how much of it is based on
10:20
the lack of trust within myself because of those challenges. Right.
10:25
In situations growing up, even within childhood, of realizing,
10:29
even in that, that because of my social anxiety, how
10:33
I wanted to come across wasn't actually what I
10:36
was desiring. I think that knowing I was a
10:39
six helped me to see the root of
10:43
why a lot of that social anxiety manifests.
10:47
It really does at least come down for me with relating
10:55
So how have you worked on developing... Can
11:00
you give me a specific example of something that you do? This
11:03
is for our sixes who are listening or for anyone wrestling with social anxiety.
11:08
What are some, I don't want to say hacks because I hate the word, but
11:15
The first thing that comes to mind, honestly, and
11:19
it's not a fun strategy, unfortunately. It's very
11:22
difficult and not always enjoyable. But
11:26
the biggest help for me in my social anxiety
11:29
has been exposing myself to uncomfortable situations
11:34
and almost exposure therapy to things in a
11:37
way. Because I think the issue
11:41
with me with confidence and trust in myself, it's
11:44
believing that when I enter certain situations, one,
11:49
if something bad happens, I don't have the tools within
11:52
myself to know what to do or to overcome the situation or
11:56
to feel OK or to regulate. And so I
12:00
would say, again, it's definitely, I wish I had a less,
12:04
like, it's hard. It can be so painful to do this
12:07
and it has been painful, but it's been the most rewarding of just
12:11
actually exposing myself to the things that
12:15
I'm afraid of or just in social situations of
12:19
challenging myself. Whether it's to speak up or
12:23
to kind of derail the thought train of how
12:26
I'm being interpreted by someone, too. Just
12:30
like everyone else in the world, I've been in a lot of uncomfortable social situations
12:34
where things happened that I wasn't prepared for. And I
12:38
think, I guess twofold, putting myself in those situations on
12:42
purpose to show myself that I do
12:46
have the tools to overcome, or if I didn't in
12:49
the moment that now I do. Almost like building a
12:53
case for myself of evidence. Great. Just proving
12:59
Yeah, well, I like it because what you're doing is you're practicing
13:02
the virtue of courage and faith by thrusting yourself
13:06
into those situations, which is antidotal to the
13:13
passion of fear. So yeah, it is hard, and
13:16
a lot of the work of the Enneagram is hard. It's not easy. It's not
13:19
comfortable because we're going in direct opposition to
13:23
our patterns. And so when we do that, it's like
13:27
resistance training in the weight room, right? We build muscle and we build confidence
13:30
and we start to experience some of the fruits of it. All
13:34
right. Well, speaking of social situations, lots
13:38
of folks are coming up on Christmas and I
13:41
want to talk about what is it like to take care of
13:45
friends, family, and self at the holidays? Okay.
13:49
So what I'd love to do is maybe just do a quick,
13:53
and I mean a pretty quick, because for time's sake, one
13:56
thing that we can do to help each of our nine-type friends,
14:00
right? One way of caring for them at Christmas. And
14:04
if we have time, we'll circle back and talk about some self-care
14:08
things. But I really want to talk about how do we love our family
14:11
and friends at Christmas of each type. So let's just, we'll just actually
14:14
go in order. We'll just go in order. We don't need to do this in
14:19
Yeah. I think something that,
14:23
and I also would love to hear your perspective on this, just
14:27
would love for you to chime in at any point because I want to
14:31
learn from you in this as well. But I think with ones
14:34
and what I've seen with the ones in my life and especially digging
14:38
into when I was writing this book about friendship and
14:42
taking care of Friends, I noticed with
14:46
ones just the amount of weight that
14:50
they, just the belief that the whole world is on
14:53
their shoulders sometimes and all responsibility falls
14:58
onto them. They're the only ones who are going to notice the things that
15:01
need to be done or notice, I
15:04
don't know, just walking into a room. I think
15:08
you might've even said this and just seeing, thinking like what needs to
15:12
be fixed or what needs to be repaired? What do I need to restore?
15:15
And I think that for ones, whether
15:19
it's an emotional load, a mental load, an actual
15:23
like task, I think a way to take care of them during the holidays in
15:27
any capacity is noticing what you could do
15:31
to lighten that load and then just taking action on
15:34
it. Whether that be through a specific gift that
15:38
you know that they would want, even like treating them to
15:41
something they would never buy for themselves, but they've mentioned, or
15:45
in a more, again, like emotional, mental sense of
15:48
just finding ways to alleviate some of that
15:51
responsibility, I would say. It's cliche, but I do think
15:57
You know, I think a mantra for ones at the holidays comes from the
16:00
Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, and Thich Nhat Hanh has a great
16:04
quote or a great mantra that I encourage ones
16:07
to use a lot. It is this, he says, smile,
16:11
period. breathe, period, go
16:15
slowly, period. So I'm always telling you Ones I want you to repeat after
16:18
me, smile, breathe, go slowly, smile,
16:23
breathe, go slowly. And I find that for some ones,
16:27
they can get out like other types, if they're particularly torqued,
16:31
they get out over their skis, And it's going all too
16:34
fast. It's all going too fast for them. So
16:37
I'm always like, smile, breathe, go slowly.
16:41
And if you can help a one do that at the holidays, that's
16:47
Yes, for twos, a way to take
16:51
care of them in any capacity during the
16:54
holidays. Again, some of these may sound repetitive or
16:58
cliche, but I just, just, I think creating
17:01
a space for them to share with you what their expectations
17:05
are of you or from you, I think is very impactful.
17:10
A lot of twos, again, just they
17:13
hold a lot of expectations of the people around
17:17
them, just because they're expecting people to have
17:20
the same capacity for empathy that
17:24
comes so naturally to them or compassion that comes so naturally to
17:27
them. Just that clear communication of expectations during
17:31
the holidays for twos I think is a great way to take care
17:34
of those friendships and make sure that they're I
17:38
don't know, holding up okay. Not every two is a host, obviously,
17:42
but a lot of those types of responsibilities, even because
17:45
they enjoy it, I've noticed tend to fall on them. So I think just being
17:48
able to create a space where they feel safe to check in and be
17:58
So one of the things I was going to say with my, my
18:01
two mother, one of the things that I. do that I find
18:05
really helpful is telling her that
18:09
what makes me feel really good and loved
18:13
is time with her as opposed to acts of service. That
18:17
really helps her loosen her grip on having to do all these
18:20
activities and frees her up to
18:24
be really present with me. So I find that to be really helpful in my
18:30
So I have another quote. Yes. Because I think this happens with
18:33
twos. So twos oftentimes harbor
18:38
in their imaginations how things ought
18:41
to be, right? And then they try to create the
18:45
environment and the relational connections that will produce
18:49
the outcome in their mind. Like this Christmas, you know, it's going
18:52
to be this, it's going to be that. And there's a great expression
18:56
and you know it, it's that, you know, expectations are resentments waiting
19:00
to happen. Yeah. Expectations are resentments
19:04
waiting to happen. And if you can just say,
19:07
I'm going to let go of my expectations of this being the most loving, wonderful
19:11
Christmas that ever happened. I'm responsible for hosting it. It's like,
19:15
let go of your expectations, right? There's so
19:18
much you don't have control over, so just let it go. Just
19:25
Threes. I think with threes,
19:29
something that I found to be super interesting
19:34
in trying to figure out how to take care of them as
19:38
a friend, a lot of the
19:41
threes that I was even talking to online
19:45
of just trying to understand how they approach friendships,
19:50
I think there is in
19:54
a way that's similar to ones, but not exactly. A
19:58
lot of threes were saying, I feel like my friends don't keep up
20:01
with me, or we're not going at the same pace, and I
20:04
just wish they would catch up to me. And if they don't catch up
20:08
to me, I'm just not going to be able to think about them. It's very
20:11
much like pace is very on
20:15
the top of their mind in what I was
20:18
uncovering for this book. And so I think, I
20:21
guess my challenge to threes and also friends that are threes, similarly
20:26
with the theme of expectation of just threes
20:30
being able to slow their pace a
20:33
bit to allow the people they love to
20:37
catch up with them in a way because I think that that's what
20:40
a lot of threes want and crave but there is that fear
20:44
of slowing the pace and I think that also
20:48
friends and family being understanding towards them in that way,
20:52
and being flexible with what they're expecting
20:56
from threes as well, emotionally even maybe, is super
21:05
The Oscar Wilde quote we used to end this show with all the time, "Be yourself,
21:12
Be yourself, everybody else is already taken. So
21:16
one of the things, one challenge to threes that Christmas could be, do
21:19
not post on social media the pictures of
21:23
your perfect, incredibly successful Christmas. Do
21:26
not, you know what I mean? Do not post photos of your family that
21:30
give the appearance that you're just living your best life
21:34
ever. But just maybe just decide
21:37
that no social media at Christmas. As you said, slow
21:41
down your pace and be yourself. Everybody else
21:52
Oh, no. I was actually about to ask you, as a four,
21:56
what is something that you wish friends and family, even
21:59
during the holidays or during this time, better understood about
22:03
you? Or what is something that would be helpful as
22:10
Yeah, so fours, social
22:14
fours in particular, can get all hung up on
22:17
thinking about Christmas past, and
22:21
idealizing Christmas past, and then
22:25
sometimes idealizing Christmas future, and then
22:28
not experiencing Christmas present because it's
22:32
kind of always a little disappointing. Yeah.
22:36
Unlike a one, they're not thinking about, oh, this is what's wrong with this Christmas.
22:39
They're thinking, this is what's missing this Christmas. So
22:43
I think that's one thing that for sure fours
22:47
can be like, I'm going to actually be present and grateful for this
22:55
Yeah, that's wonderful. I
22:59
did a post recently about the practice of gratitude
23:02
for fours of just, I 100% agree. I
23:06
do think there is this way to appreciate
23:10
the very mundane, simplistic things of
23:13
whatever reality looks like for you this holiday season
23:21
Yeah, I had the same thing, like honor the longing, that
23:24
sort of sense of longing for
23:28
maybe what was past or what was missed or
23:31
what's missing while helping the
23:34
four enter into the present and appreciate what it is.
23:41
Well, I was just gonna say, fours have an exquisite connection
23:46
or sense of the passage of time. And
23:50
so they can be very, you know, Anthony, I
23:54
always think about the Japanese, I
23:57
don't know if it's the Wabi-Sabi tradition, but the picture of
24:01
the what are those trees? Oh,
24:05
cherry blossoms. In the Japanese tradition, cherry blossoms
24:09
just falling off the tree is a sign of shift and
24:12
change. And how foresee of cherry blossom tree shedding,
24:16
and they go, oh, the passage of time. They get
24:19
all caught up in the reverie of it. And it's like,
24:23
all right, let's just get here now. Let's just
24:28
Yeah. I think quickly with fours too, something
24:32
I would love to challenge friends of fours even
24:36
is kind of what you were saying, Anthony, is honoring
24:39
that longing and passage of time. Because I know for me, as
24:42
someone who is not a four, entering into that space
24:46
would actually be very beneficial for someone like me during
24:49
the holidays to connect to that longing or
24:53
even just like missing someone who I've lost or
24:56
something I've lost. Those feelings come up for everyone, regardless
25:01
of type during the holidays. And so I think something
25:05
that could mean a lot to fours, I imagine would be acknowledging,
25:09
not just honoring, but just acknowledging that longing of like, yeah, that is
25:13
extremely valid. That's something I
25:16
admire about Forrest and would love to incorporate for myself, for
25:21
Yeah, that's actually well said. I think Advent is
25:24
the season of longing. It is the season of
25:28
waiting. It is the season of,
25:31
and most people don't get this in non-denominational churches, but in liturgical
25:34
churches, we really focus on the idea of darkness, actually,
25:39
at Christmas. Waiting for the light. That's why
25:42
so many fours love the old carol, in the bleak of
25:45
midwinter. There's
25:49
something to that, actually, that fours are very attuned to. Great.
25:59
That's a great question. I am a very strong wing
26:03
five. So I feel, I guess,
26:06
more confident in talking about what exactly would be helpful
26:10
for them during the holiday season. But I think, of
26:14
course, they are very much in their head. But I feel
26:17
like with something I don't
26:20
think people realize with fives and with them being
26:24
in their head is that it's not just in a, contemplative or
26:27
reflective way. It's in a like almost problem
26:31
solving all the time in their mind, but not actually doing
26:35
those things in real life. This
26:39
is a random example, but my husband's aunt
26:42
during Christmas, if you go over to her house or any holiday,
26:46
regardless of who you are, whether you're the most extroverted person
26:50
in the room or you are like the angsty teen in
26:53
the corner who is annoyed at everyone, she'll have
26:58
a theme for the holiday party. pick
27:02
a hat from the box and you have to wear a hat like there's not it
27:05
doesn't matter who you are you have to kind of step into this laughing
27:10
at yourself in a little little bit like leveling the playing field
27:14
and I think something that's really impactful for fives,
27:18
but also I guess as someone with a really strong five wing,
27:21
I always appreciate opportunities from friends
27:25
and family that just allow me to like get in my
27:28
body. And that could be something as simple as like, let's all take a walk or
27:32
let's all, I don't know, just something to enter into the
27:36
more physical aspects of Christmas, I think is a great
27:40
mental break for fives during
27:49
No. Well, yes I am. Uh, but I would say this
27:53
is something I've found to be true. Cause I've done, I've done little surveys along
27:56
the way, but I think one of the most common phrases regarding
28:01
a five during holiday season, let's call our Enneagram five,
28:05
Bob. It's like, where is Bob? Because
28:09
Bob disappears all the time. And
28:13
I'll say this, I have a brother who I suspect is a five, and
28:16
I think he catches a lot of hell for disappearing.
28:21
And I think it's good just to give fives grace, like,
28:30
Yeah, I think there's always a fine balance, right? Like if I know a
28:33
five really well, maybe I might say to them, so
28:38
know that privacy is really important for you for recharging and
28:42
that there's a lot of stimulation in
28:45
terms of music and sound and lights and all this stuff going on
28:49
at Christmas and lots of people around. It's very draining, right? At
28:52
the same time, sometimes I might say to a five, are
29:06
Well, ouch. Got
29:14
Yes, sixes, my fellow sixes. I
29:17
always think it's so funny how it's always
29:21
said that there are so many sixes in the world, and yet I don't
29:24
see a lot of six representation often.
29:28
So I'm happy to be here to talk on behalf of my fellow
29:31
sixes. And this is very
29:35
specific, more specific than the other tips
29:39
so far. I think I recently read
29:43
a book called Wintering by Catherine May.
29:47
And not only do I highly recommend that as a gift for sixes, because
29:51
it is all about leaning into the
29:56
solitude of winter, kind of as
29:59
you were relating to fours. It
30:03
leans into how to prepare for winter physically,
30:07
emotionally, spiritually, but then how
30:10
to allow yourself to simply be
30:14
in winter. I think for me as a six, I
30:18
feel very anxious about being
30:23
prepared for what's next or even understanding
30:28
what is happening around me all the time, this need to
30:32
like fully compute all the
30:35
relational information, all the physical information, just
30:38
so much input. I think as a six, this
30:42
book was super helpful just because it did lean
30:45
into that need for preparedness, but it really challenged
30:49
me to what if you took moments
30:53
in full solitude and didn't
30:56
try to, I don't know, mentally do
31:01
gymnastics while being in the solitude. It's crazy
31:04
how fast and alive a six's mind
31:08
is. And so my friends growing up used to say
31:12
that my spirit animal would be a duck because
31:15
on the surface I come across very, like I'm
31:19
just gliding on the water, but underneath my feet are going a
31:22
hundred miles per hour. And so I think just with friends
31:25
and family, the acknowledgment that that is happening, that
31:29
even if, because not all sixes, I think, are visibly anxious
31:32
in the way that people would expect. So I think making
31:36
space for yourself to be in solitude and to process
31:41
and to not prepare or brace yourself all
31:45
You know? Great. We've got to move. We've got to move. So let's get
31:50
Yes, sevens. I think with friends and
31:53
family, a way to take care of sevens is
31:57
to honestly really lean into their
32:02
love of celebration. My
32:05
best friend is a seven and she is so genuinely
32:11
interested in doing all of the things that would, she
32:15
wants to knock off everything on her holiday bucket list. She wants
32:18
to experience Christmas to the full. And I think for
32:21
a lot of types that can be very daunting and overwhelming. And
32:25
I think leaning into that joy with them is
32:28
something that's very appreciated, but also helping
32:32
them remember, um, that if
32:35
they do feel nostalgic or sad or grieved, that
32:39
there's space for both the joy and the grief. Nice.
32:49
Eights. You know what? Just in
32:53
the theme of straightforwardness with eights, I think just
32:56
letting someone else take the lead this Christmas, whatever
33:00
that looks like, whether that's someone doing
33:04
the tradition that you've always done, or someone
33:07
volunteers to do something that you would prefer to
33:10
just do yourself. I think one, as friends and family,
33:14
having grace for that being difficult for them to let go of
33:18
is very crucial. But I think just as an eight, yeah,
33:21
just allow yourself to let go of the reins and see
33:25
what happens. I think that there's a lot of hypervigilance with
33:28
eights as well, similarly to six. So I think Yeah, allowing
33:34
You know, I think too with Eights, now I'm just giving tips a little bit to each
33:38
type, right? But at the holidays, I would
33:41
remind Eights that not everyone needs to know their opinions.
33:46
Like sometimes with an eight, you know, like I've seen this in the dynamic of
33:50
my own family, right? Sometimes, especially if they get bored, they
33:55
can get provocative. Yeah. And begin
33:58
to stir the pot more than everybody else wants it
34:05
Oh my gosh. Well, so my daughter May is,
34:10
she's either a seven with a hardcore eight wing or eight
34:13
with a hardcore seven wing. I don't, But I just, and she's just
34:16
such a leader. I have so many examples of this, but I remember one 4th of
34:20
July, we were all watching the fireworks and it's, and it's these two, my
34:24
family at large and my best friend, his family at large, the
34:27
kids have grown up going to the lake together for decades. We're
34:30
all sitting there, we've done this for years. We're on 4th of July, we're watching this
34:34
huge fireworks show. Boom, boom, and everybody's, oh,
34:38
oh, oh. And all of a sudden, Mae just starts, she
34:41
just starts talking and everybody gets quiet. She's just owning the moment and
34:45
she's just, I let her go for a minute and then I
34:48
just let her say, that's enough, Mae. She goes, but I'm so bored. It
34:52
was 100% out of her boredom. She was just dominating
34:56
the moment and stealing this. And then once
35:00
she goes, okay, and she gets quiet, and all of a sudden it's like, ooh, oh,
35:04
everybody's acknowledging the fireworks again.
35:09
That's so good. That is
35:16
Yes, nines. I think similarly to
35:20
fours and perhaps just withdrawn types in general, a
35:24
lot of the nines I know love nostalgia at
35:27
Christmas and bringing out the photo albums,
35:31
watching through home movies. And I think that as
35:35
a friend or family member of a nine, like a
35:38
level of honoring this for them, I think is very important because
35:43
I think it just genuinely means a lot to them to look
35:46
back. But I think similarly to the tip for
35:49
the four, would be finding ways to bring them into
35:53
the present, but also not simply
35:57
merge into the background of the holiday season. I think finding
36:01
ways to stay grounded in moments that, again, whether
36:05
you have the most beautiful, peaceful holiday gathering
36:09
in the world or something unexpected happens, I think just
36:12
finding ways to Be grounded, not abandon
36:15
yourself. And as a family member or friend, being
36:19
aware of if a Nine is abandoning themselves, I think
36:25
Yes. Wow, this has been so helpful, everybody. We've
36:28
been talking with Christina Wilcox, author of the books, Take
36:32
Care of Your Type: An Enneagram Guide to Self-Care, and her
36:35
most recent book, Take Care of Your Friends: An Enneagram Guide
36:39
to Interpersonal Relationships. Christina, thank you for
36:45
Yeah, thank you so much for having me. You can primarily find me
36:49
over on Instagram at Christina S. Wilcox. I
36:52
have a couple other social platforms as well, but it's all
36:55
the same username, Christina S. Wilcox. So yeah,
36:59
come say hi. I love chatting in the comments and
37:02
DMs. And yeah, would love to
37:09
Our pleasure. And listen up, everybody. I'm closing out today with an oldie
37:13
but a goodie. Be yourself. Everybody else