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The "Mindful Minute": How Busy Parents Can Reset Without the Guilt · The Parent Tap

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: And when I reached my last major inflection point where I got laid off from my job unexpectedly and I was already really incredibly burnt out and I had turned to my husband the night before it happened and I just said, I can't do this anymore.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, you know, I just had this feeling like something was gonna happen.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: I said, If if if I do get laid off, I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna use this point finally to pivot and do what I've been wanting to do really for the last 15 years.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've been kind of pondering and plotting to build a coaching or kind of to pivot into a coaching for a very long time.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so that inflection point came.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of always joke that I have this ability to manifest the ends of jobs when I'm really done with them.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh which isn't necessarily a good thing, but it does happen.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And uh and I use that as an opportunity.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: One, I use it up as an opportunity to slow down and stop and kind of take stock of everything that had happened and where I was.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Cause although I sort of had a feeling it was coming, it also kind of took me by surprise because it really it kind of happened.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: The the change in the vibe happened really quickly.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I decided now is the time that it was now or never, and I wanted to build something that didn't exist, at least from what I could see, which was providing, you know, coaching support through a leadership lens, you know, with an understanding of what it takes to navigate corporate environments, but that isn't about hustle or achievement or goal setting, you know, it's really about dropping back into who you are, reconnecting with that person and and moving forward from that place.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, that's that's a great um background.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so most of our listeners run a house and a career just like you know, just like we do.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I did run a career before you manifested me not having a career.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you do that?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just kidding.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you how do you say, like, I need uh better systems for the kids or I need to connect with myself?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, what what's that point that you kind of focus on?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It just seems like it's so hard for me personally to be like, okay, I'm gonna do both at the same time.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, usually it's like one of the one or the other.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's so hard.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And our kids are like all consuming, you know, we have a a daughter around the same age, and so it's just it's just kind of like constant.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just tough.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're, you know, being a parent, and then it doesn't seem like there's much.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if we're talking about the cup analogy, like there's not many, you know, sips left in the cup for ourselves of of what we're gonna, you know, do to kind of maintain our our mental health.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: So anyways, how do you like how do you balance that and how do you make sure that you're you know you're present for your for your daughter, you're you're you're present for your family, you know, you're you're doing everything you need to do at work and all that stuff, but also like you're taking care of yourself and you're reflecting and your um you know, your vacation photos that I've seen like on Instagram, like you get to re like disconnect, right?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: You get to go travel.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you how do you balance all that?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: So firstly, you know, it's it's not about being perfect.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we need to release this idea that it's about being perfect all the time, that you have this like incredible approach to your day, that you're you know, really well structured, and so you give yourself time and you, you know, give your child time, and everything flows so beautifully.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: No, that is absolutely not how it works.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: I am the birth thing from perfect, and but what I've learned over time is it's this idea of being like perfectly imperfect.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's about establishing certain routines in your life, uh, certain habits in your life that build the muscle of awareness, of presence, of calm, of health and well-being, of drinking water every day.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: What as simple, it can be as simple as that.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you do it again and again and again, and you start small so that you're building this muscle.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you're also just not aiming for perfection.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: You're aiming for consistency.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: So that's number one, you know, just choosing choosing little habits that incrementally help you feel better.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: For me, that's making sure I'm drinking enough water in the day.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: People underestimate how much water and hydration really matters to just feeling good and energy and having energy.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, when you hit that three o'clock slump, instead of going for coffee, which I do go for coffee, but I also drink a glass of water at the same time.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: So then you're making sure that you're, you know, to me, hydration, super important, super easy to achieve.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: I try to meditate daily, which is something I've been doing for over 15 years, and it's become such a natural part of my life now that one, it I single-handedly kind of credit it with being able to navigate many of the inflection points, as well as having a child and being as calm as I am amidst all the craziness that's going on in my home.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: But two, I didn't meditate for most of the summer, like most of the summer, two full months where I wasn't doing that practice.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: I could have beat myself up about it, but instead I decided to just let it go and to have that be okay and to know that it would be there for me when I was ready to come back because it was already a muscle that I had developed.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I have that muscle memory inside of me.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: So that's, you know, number one is creating habits.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: They don't have to be over the top, but just those little tiny habits that kind of help you to come back to your center when you fall off, you know, track.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: The second thing is having strong boundaries.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: I have preached this for as long as I can remember, particularly in corporate environments.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: I was always saying, you know, you have to, you have to, you have to put the computer away.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: You have to walk away from the desk.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: You have to not be working all the time.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: And you have the power to create that boundary.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Not your employer, you, which I know is really radical.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: And some people just can't fathom how you could kind of create that boundary.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it is hard.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying it's easy, it's definitely hard.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: And everyone has their own like level of ability to create these boundaries, but you have to create boundaries.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Boundaries at work, boundaries at home, boundaries with yourself of what you can handle and when you need to put up your hand and be like, I gotta tap out here for a minute.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: So boundaries are incredibly important.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, the habits and the boundaries, those two things together, create an environment where you just have just a little bit more space, even amidst all the craziness that's going on in your life, because all of our lives are crazy.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think we're one-upping each other anywhere.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think everyone's on the equal playing field with how crazy life is.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so, therefore, by having these habits and having these boundaries, you kind of take back a little bit of control for yourself, which helps to calm the nervous system.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: And if you have a more calm nervous system, then you're able to navigate all the various things that come your way.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I have a six-year-old, I love her dearly.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: She's incredibly important to me.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Over the course of the summer, I gave a lot of myself to her because it was summer and I wanted her to have a good time.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: There were a lot of social things that were happening in her life as well that I was helping her navigate and that I was also navigating alongside her.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it really took a toll.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then September came around, we're two weeks in, and I've just very slowly been putting the pieces of my life back together, so to speak, by getting back to those routines and being really clear about those boundaries.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: So making sure that, like, you know, when the time comes to stop for the day, I stop for the day.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: I am trying not to work at night after I put my daughter to bed as much.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to get outside and just enjoy this nice weather while we have it here in Canada anyway.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: So it's those little tiny things.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the micro moments, the micro decisions that we make that add up to a lot more than I think we give ourselves credit for.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I just wanted to say, like, I fail all these things that you just talked about, and this is why we're gonna do an inflection method separately, you know.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I just wanted to bring up like I my habits, when I'm in my habits, I'm good.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: But when I'm out of, I start to feel this this self, like this regret.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I just feel like a piece of shit.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, honestly, like I, you know, if I'm not getting on my treadmill or if I'm not, you know, doing the things I should be, I feel like I should be doing just something.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I let it slip, then it just kind of affects my whole like mental makeup and the boundaries.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I also struggle with this too.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I have a hard time putting down the phone or the laptop.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: My wife's even mentioned this, where it's just like, you know, I'm with the I'm with the kids, I'm hanging out with the kids, but I'm not like super present because I'm always like, you know, trying to do the outreach or trying to like follow up an email, or like, you know, we talked about monetizing the podcast, like things like that.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like that are just going on.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's just like it's just like a never-ending game of like trying to figure out what to do or where to go.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, I just beat myself up so much though on those two things where I I feel like I constantly fail on because I'm just I'm striving so so hard and so focused on on improving, but then I fail at those two aspects and then I I I feel like I go backwards.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so I know like with our kids when we fail, there's that repair uh there's that repair uh effort, right?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like we we want to like smooth it over, make sure they feel good about ourselves.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something like for our own selves?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like when we screw up and we just kind of we're in this kind of like constant cycle of not doing something, then feeling like shit about it, and then like not doing something and then feeling bad about it, like that constant cycle that I keep going through.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something we can do for ourselves that's just to be kinder to ourselves, to be more understanding to ourselves, to be more to realize that we're working on it, but change doesn't exactly happen overnight and it's gonna take some time to perfect?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, is there something like for our own self to do that?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like akin to kind of how we do with our own kids when we we screw up, we kind of smooth things over and make things right eventually.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a great question.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: I really like that that framing.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's something that most people don't think about.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: So that's great that we're having this conversation.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: I think firstly, you know, you need to give yourself some grace.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think we all need to give ourselves some grace.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: At the end of the day, I think ourselves some grace and other people grace.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: I think one, we're too judgy, period.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: We're judgy of ourselves, we're judgy of other people.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: We need to put the brakes on that.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: We need to have compassion for the other, for ourselves, and give grace.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because at the end of the day, going back to what we talked about earlier, life is crazy.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot going on.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: And we've been, we've been sold this idea of like perfection, or have that you have to have it all figured out and at all times and keep it together and like be super polished and all this.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a load of BS, quite frankly, because that's just not life.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's just not life.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: It just doesn't work that way.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think first and foremost, you need to give yourself some grace.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like you in particular, Ryan, you're you're you're going through a lot right now.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: And this, this, you know, it's it's like you look at the computer, you look at your phone because you're just wanting the answer to finally come through the phone.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever the answer is, is it the next job up?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Is it the next opportunity that's gonna generate, you know, abundance for yourself and your family?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Is it something that's gonna bring you joy?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever it is, that's the thing with the phone and the computer.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: You're just waiting.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: You're constantly refreshing and checking when you're waiting for something to come.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that requires some self-discipline, really at the end of the day.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, particularly when you're with your kids, like even just 10 minutes a day.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be the whole time you're with your kids, but even for just 10 minutes, like put the phone in another room and just give yourself that 10-minute break.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: You'd be amazed at what 10 minutes can do for yourself and for your children, by the way.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, for them to see that you are fully engaged.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And look, I often might, you know, I'll be sitting there with my daughter.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, she wants to play.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't, I'm not a six-year-old, like I don't want to play.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's not my jam.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm totally not that kind of person.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: My husband, he can play all day.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like not so much, but I do it because I know it makes her happy and it makes her feel safe and connected.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: But my head is often in a different place.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like I am thinking about, you know, the thing that I'm excited about that's happening tomorrow, or thinking of that, you know, trying to solve a business problem that I have or whatever it might be.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not saying that it's your brain doesn't wander and whatever, but just putting the phone aside and putting the computer away just for 10 minutes is really, really helpful.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think, you know, it's also learning to give yourself, like to forgive yourself for these moments, for these thoughts that you have, where you're beating yourself up, where you think you should be doing better, where you think you should be more ahead, or whatever it might be.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: When you have those thoughts, the circuit breaker is just to stop and forgive the thought and just be like, I'm you know, I forgive myself for having that negative thought.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's not me.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's not what I want to choose.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: I want to choose a different thought.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then you go and you choose the next best thought, the closest thing that you can reach for that is better than the thought that you just had.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, I didn't get onto the treadmill today.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: What am I doing?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm I'm I'm getting old, I'm gonna, you know, gain weight and be unhealthy and whatever.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no, no.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's a negative spiral.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I forgive myself for having that thought.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know what?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: Tomorrow I'll get on the treadmill.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: Or yeah, but I got on the treadmill three times last week, you know?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, or I'm feeling kind of tired today.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay to take a break.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like missing one workout is not going to ruin your trajectory at all.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I think you know, it's it's difficult.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: It sounds so almost Pollyanna to be like, well, forgive yourself, but it actually really works.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: And the hardest part is to stop and interrupt the thought, you know?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: So just practicing, you know, the the that just stopping the thought.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Even if you don't feel like you can forgive the thought necessarily, if that feels a little weird to you, just at least practice interrupting the thought and then reaching for something that's a little bit better, a little bit more positive.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then you slowly rewire your brain, you know, you do have power, you do have control.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: The thing is that negativity, being in a like low vibe space, it just feels so good, doesn't it?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like it there's something like comforting.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: I used to speak about it this way when my mother passed away, and I could see myself going into a big, deep, dark hole.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I could, and I have the wherewithal to realize that that was happening to me.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember just being like, it just feels so good in there.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like it feels so comforting and so wonderful.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: But because it takes effort to kind of dig yourself out of it, but once you start practicing the effort of digging yourself up out of that kind of low vibe or that dark hole, it becomes easier.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then you just raise your vibe, and then that becomes your new baseline.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, it does make sense.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that negative thought and the inner critic is got such a hold on me, and it's like I think it affects you.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like you talked about getting down and playing with your kids when I feel like that, and I feel like, oh man, I haven't got on the treadmill as much, or like I'm not like I'm just kind of dropping balls and you know, like I'm not getting things done.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me not want to play with my kids because then I'm just like in such a shitty mood.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: And and like, you know what I mean?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you gotta have that imaginative play and that spirit to play with a five-year-old, a six-year-old, you know, our kids are about the same age.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: So to, you know, to to be in that mood of like, oh, let's pretend we're Elsa, or let's pretend we're, you know, in some far late land.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's cool.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that thought.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I love, you know, having kids for that reason because it's like they do make grown-up problems like sometimes go away or like forget about it because like kids just, you know, they don't have to worry about that stuff, and nor should they ever have to worry about grown-up problems.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, it's just like sometimes it affects me even wanting to get down to their level and play.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, man.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, breaking that cycle, that circuit breaker, like that's super important.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And like this is why, you know, I can't be the only one out there that's like this where you just kind of like you're constantly just like beating yourself up and like constantly wishing you were in a better situation, or this or that about you is better.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's super helpful.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: So getting into the inflection method, walk us through the method like a playbook.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: What's step one when someone books you?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, for instance, we're gonna actually do an inflection method session later.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, like walk us through that.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: What would someone experience with this?
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And for someone with a myriad of issues like myself, uh what can they expect after that session?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I would start by saying that, you know, the way that I I work with with clients, I guess there's a loose approach and framework, but really it's about meeting you where you are, wherever you are.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I start by focusing on one specific area of your life, you know, because you could there's a thousand different things that we could focus on, and that's too overwhelming to tackle all at once.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I ask clients to focus on what's the one area.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: I give them a a list, if you will.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually a wheel, uh, a 360 wellness wheel of different areas of your life and what would you like to focus on?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: And and then we focus on that one area, and I like to integrate a person's human design.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: So your human design is uh basically a blueprint or a roadmap for your life and for how you can kind of be in that high vibe or reach and move towards that high vibe versus the low vibe and kind of really do work that you love and communicate as effectively as you possibly can, lead in the best way that you possibly can.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so I run a client's human design uh chart, and then using the information in their human design chart, I take them through a whole discovery and exploration about the things that are holding them back within that specific area of their life.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: And we look at what are the challenges, where would they like to be instead, and what can we do to get them to where they would rather be?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then this is why, you know, in all of the questions that you've asked, you know, one of the main things that I obviously recommend and that I think is actually the most helpful to get to where you want to go or to feel better or to dig yourself out of that hole is working with a coach because it's so hard to do on our own.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we can have all the best intentions and we know all the tools.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've known all the I've had all the tools for over a decade, but I've very much gotten to points in my life where I just couldn't do it on my own.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so hence why I would work with a coach.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: I currently work with two coaches, actually, at this point in time in my life, and I am a coach, so go figure.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: But the coaches, you know, you work with a coach, you meet with them bi-weekly, and then you you in essence have this like accountability partner that is helping you to face the things that you can't necessarily face on your own.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's how that is helping to give you a roadmap for how to go to a better place than where you are right now.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then you have somebody that you can talk to in a way that you likely don't talk to most people.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: And just that in and of itself is freeing and and and and and so comforting.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you work with a coach over, say, three or six months or however long it might be, you you just slowly incrementally develop these habits, learn how to set these boundaries and build that muscle that you need in order to create a new baseline for you.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know that's so good.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's that's something that everyone out there could benefit from.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like you said, you're a coach, you still have coaches.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think of team sports, you know, I always wear like a sports cap because that's just that's my life and in another world when I have time to watch it.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I think of you know, players, you know, they're professionals or their athletes have been doing this for years and years, and it's basically their life, and they have coaches.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: And not only do they have one coach, they have like a hitting coach, they have a fielding coach, they have a regular coach.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, there's so many different coaches on the team, and you know, and some of them that probably have off-the-field coaches too for like mental, you know, they call it the yes when you're kind of like in a yeah, when you're in kind of a bad slump or whatever, like you need a just kind of a mindset coach, yeah.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I feel like, yeah, sometimes like that mindset coach too is is something that I would definitely benefit from.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I know people out there could do as well, because I start to get in my own way of like you know, you start to kind of like lack confidence after a while, especially after something like a layoff and like getting low balled and then like rejection, and then you're just like, oh damn, like is that even my worth kind of thing?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then so it's like constant, but it's not just me, but it's like everyone out there that's going through a hard, you know, a hard shift in their life or you know, kind of stuck in one position.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I before I got laid off, I went through this period of time where I was at the same company for almost nine years and never got promoted.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt like I was always, you know, looked over, you know, like passed passed on, you know, for for job opportunities and stuff like that.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I've had a lot of different other situations where I felt like you know, my worth was being devalued by by external sources, but but then it's like then I take that and then I I kind of beat myself up even more because I'm my own worst critic and I I don't know if everyone else is like that, but I think the the value there that you just outlined is just like that's that's the number one reason why like we need to book these calls with you and and people out there need to get in touch with you because I think that this is such a good program, and honestly, I can't wait for our own inflection method of scheduling.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And no, it but yeah, yeah.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so let's say that tonight, you know, somebody.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Out there listening, um, let's say they're not quite ready to jump into it.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: They're they're you know, they're gonna keep it on the back burner, but what's something at home they can do from the method that someone can run tonight with their kids?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, some something super simple and easy that they can kind of implement tonight, um, you know, when the kids get home, that you know, something that you kind of do in your practice with with your clients.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: I love something called the mindful minute.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: And this is actually going to happen before your kids come home.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're about to go to pick them up, or you know they're about to like run through that door, you know, maybe 30 minutes, 20 minutes, even 15 minutes before, whenever you can just find the time, just stop everything you're doing for one minute.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Set a timer if you'd like, and just drop everything and just feel your feet on the floor.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: Just get really grounded.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: Feel your feet on the floor, feel the air on your skin, notice the colors all around, hear the sounds.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: You know that whole thing you do with your kids, the five senses.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: Have you done ever done that?
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's the same idea.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: And you just sit in it for a minute, just one minute every day before your kids come home.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: That that to me builds the muscle.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's you know, something I highly recommend for kids is it just helps build the muscle.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's only one minute.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Literally, like the easiest thing to put into your schedule.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: You can even put it into your calendar so you don't forget an alarm goes off.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: You sit there for just one minute and just do that every day for 30 days.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: And that helps to establish the pattern, that helps to rewire, you know, the brain, it helps to regulate this nervous system and it starts to build that muscle of building that sense of presence and that just, you know, letting everything just stop for a minute before your kids run through the door.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then if you want to translate that into doing it with your kids, oh I do this with my daughter often, where I get her to, you know, think of name five things that she can see.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: We do this before bed, four things that she can feel, you know, three things that she can hear, two things that she can, what is it, smell, and then one thing that she can taste, which at bedtime is like nothing, but you know the point.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: The point is to just connect, yeah, connect with the senses.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think people think it needs to be super complicated.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think people think that it needs to be that you need to kind of rely on some framework or some biohack or whatever it might be.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: But really, it really all comes down to just building awareness and being as present as you can.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just the most simple thing.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: But we've we've life has accelerated so much.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, over the last 20, 30 years that it's we don't, we we just don't stop.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: We just don't stop.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: So give yourself one minute a day, it'll change your life.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I keep doing that too.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like looking at the clock, not that I'm like trying to get this over with, but I'm like, uh, how do I fit everything in the next 13 minutes and making sure that we kind of you know land the plane, so to speak, on time and and and all that.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm always like clock obsessed, and I hate that, but I think it's just like kind of like how we are wired as adults because like meetings start at certain times, you gotta be some places at certain times, and it's just like I hate how we're run by the clock, but yeah, I know that's like obviously it's important.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, no, I love the one minute um the five senses.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: I like that's something like definitely they can try at bedtime, I think, with my kids tonight.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think my daughter would really like that, just just to kind of like decompress.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: She has so much energy when she comes home, she's like jumping off the couches, and like I'm just like, girl, like how old and like, aren't you tired?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: You've been running around all day, and then they come home and they're still like 12 hours of that, yeah.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: And like, how is this possible?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: And she doesn't nap anymore.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: She naps at daycare, she doesn't nap in kindergarten anymore.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not like she has any break or any downtime, really, and it's just like constant 12 hours.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I think this is a good wind-down exercise for our kids is like, you know, like you said, closing their eyes and like really like envisioning like you know, the ta the the five senses of of everything out there.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't I didn't go through the five senses and like can I actually even name them on the spot?
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm getting Okay, so taste, touch, like tact, tact or tactile, right?
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like feel?
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: Anything you can feel.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so it's it's five things you can see, because that's like usually the most things you can see.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's five.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: Four things you can hear.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: No, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing that you can taste.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for outline outlining that.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: No, that that makes perfect sense.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh okay.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's definitely something I can do.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Are are there any specific meditation tools that you use, like abs or or things that you use uh with yourself or maybe even with your daughter that you mentioned?
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because like, you know, like I said, I have a hyperactive kid that's like constantly bouncing off walls, and like meditation could be something that works good for me, like in terms of alleviating stress, but for her, just like calming the F down sometimes.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just like the thing that I feel like she needs.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: But is there something like you could recommend off the top of your head for for people to kind of try at home?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I I think the most accessible form, the easiest like way for people to access meditation and building a practice is through mindfulness meditation.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can go down so many different paths with like transcendental and like mantra and all that kind of stuff, visualization.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: But really, I think mindfulness is is very accessible to people and it's so easy to develop the skill.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I have I learned how to meditate through Headspace, which is now an app.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: But when I started, it wasn't even an app, it was just a website, and I love their approach.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think the whole company is just incredible.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: They have such an incredible library, and they have a whole library for meditations with kids and for kids.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: And they're they they partnered with Sesame Street, so they're like almost, we call them the Alma meditation.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I started my my daughter sometimes is totally down with doing some kind of meditation or breath work or something, but sometimes she really does not, and it's changed over the course of the years too.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes she's really into it, other times she's like, nope, not doing it.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: But um, but the one thing that we do is a wind down meditation during at bedtime once the lights are off and we're lying in bed, and it basically just has her focus her attention on every part of her body.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: You t you are narrating it, and she's focusing on it, you know, and her toes and then her feet, and you slowly move up her whole body while she focuses our her attention on the part that you're saying.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I think my daughter loves it because it's another like first, she's like, Oh great, we're staying up longer.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're doing elemental meditation, and two, it's like a connection point, it's a moment for connection between us and her.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: And my husband does it as well.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_01: And uh it really helps to just kind of bring her into the moment and calm her down.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's something that she really looks forward to.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: We don't do it that often.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we used to do it a lot when she was younger, like four or five, and just really needed that help combing down.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but now we do it every once in a while.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: She really loves breath work, you know, those simple things like smelling the flowers, blowing out the candles.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: And the kids just love this idea of like smelling the flowers, blowing out the candles.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: So it gives them something to like visualize and like focus on.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: And just doing three big deep breaths for an adult or a child, it helps to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is basically like a switch that just calms you down.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: It just immediately calms you down.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: You could try it right now or you can do it when we get off this, but just you'll see how immediately it just like it's it's magic.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a magic button.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, Headspace app to me is you know the the best place to start.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: They do a free, I think it's a free 10, take 10, where you do 10 days of 10 minute meditation to help you build that that muscle and that pattern.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for that idea.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because my my two-year-old loves Elmo, and so that's another thing you're like that could actually work for him because he's he's a little wiry too.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm like, where did I get all these energetic kids?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm just like I barely make it through the day myself, Ina.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: But uh I love I love those uh examples you gave us.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: And there was something in the TikTok chat that said, okay, so for an adult, what's one small thing that they can do to put themselves first?
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Good one.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love that question.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: Find one thing a day, whether it's washing your face in the morning or brushing your teeth or taking that first sip of coffee.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: I like that one a lot because it's really sensory.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: And make that your thing.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: Make that your one moment where you stop to pause and just choose whatever that's gonna be for you.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's brushing your teeth, instead of just like being, you know, in the clouds while you're brushing your teeth, you're actually like just being present about brushing your teeth.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: Get every single two.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: It'll be great for you know, your dentist bill in the future.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: Or the one about the coffee, you know, you're racing around.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: I've been doing this for so long now.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: I I noticed I would be like racing at the office, like when I worked in an office or just going from one meeting to another and just grabbing my coffee and often just like spilling it really while you're like whipping around.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, well, what if you just what about that first sip of coffee?
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like what when did we all of a sudden just stop enjoying coffee?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: So now I make my coffee, my head's in the clouds while I'm making it.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I try to be super present, but then when I grab that mug and I go and I take my first sip of coffee, I just I just focus on the first sip of coffee, on the senses, on how it smells, on how it tastes.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, it's so satisfying.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it really just fills you up.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: So that's how you start to put yourself first.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be a big, like, you know, take yourself on a spa day.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be that complicated.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: Just choose one little thing a day and start there.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: It does.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: It does.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: Last question here before Fiona kind of tells us how to find her and how to get your own inflection method set up and all the good things that Fiona has to offer.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: Fiona, give us the give us all the details on where to find you, how to schedule that session.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: We have our session coming up.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm personally doing this myself.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, give us give us all the good information.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I offer what's called a free inflection session.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's a 30 to 45 minute session where we just look at what's holding you back and try to provide a little bit of space and clarity and maybe a different perspective.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: And we, you know, explore if working together long term makes makes sense for you.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: So you can sign up for that at the inflection method.com slash session.