Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / #HURDLEMOMENT: Beat Loneliness With These Essential Tips

Transcript

#HURDLEMOMENT: Beat Loneliness With These Essential Tips · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Whether you are single or attached, everyone feels lonely at times,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: and the first step to getting out of your feelings
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: is not only acknowledging this, but understanding that you are
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: not alone in feeling this way. Hey, Hurdler's Emily ABOUDI
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: here bringing you another installment of Hurdle Moment from Hurdle
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: this week. The theme is how to manage Loneliness. It
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: was the theme of last night's hurdle session finding Your
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Power Alone, and I felt like it was a good
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: idea to bring this to the feed. If you follow
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: me on social media, you know that this is something
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: that I certainly struggle with, as a lot of people
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: struggle with.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: And it's interesting because I feel like.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Admitting that you feel lonely is a little taboo sometimes, right,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: It's like we feel like we're not supposed to talk
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: about this stuff. It's like you're not supposed to talk
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: about God, sex or money. But the thing is is
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: that so many people feel this way. And it's not
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: like only individuals that are single feel this way. It's
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: people in relationships, it's people with families. It's you can
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: feel lonely and literally be sitting in an arena full
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: of people, although I really don't think many people in
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the US anyway are doing that right now. All this
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: to say that for Hurdle Moment this week, I am
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: talking about strategies.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: To manage loneliness.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: And before we get into it today, I do want
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: to take a moment and thank my sponsor. New sponsor
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: to the show Thrive Market. So they are an online
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: membership based market and I am.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: Sold on it.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Basically, it works like Costco, and I feel like everyone
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I know grew up either going with their parents on
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: the weekends to Costco or BJ's to use the service,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: it requires a membership. The membership is either nine ninety
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: five a month, or if you sign up for twelve
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: months at a time, it's only five dollars a month.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: And the membership it gets you twenty five to fifty
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: percent off of regular prices for things that sometimes literally
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: cost an arm and.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: A leg at my local grocery store.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: I'm talking, of course groceries, but also bath and body meets,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: some seafoods, clean wines brands, some of my favorite brands
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: like missus Myers, Right Rice, some.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: Warrior Noon, or Gain, you name it.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I easily saved one hundred dollars on my first order.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: I went with their seafood box. This thing was massive.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I likely got enough fresh wildcotseafood, even lobster tales because
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I know I'm super fancy to last me through like
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: two or three weeks of dinners. I'm telling you, thrive
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Market makes it really simple to get some of the
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: best brands delivered right to your home. Head on over
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: to thrive market dot com slash hurdle and join today
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: to get a free gift of your choosing up to
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: a twenty.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Two dollars value.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Again, that's thrive market dot com slash Hurdle t h R.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I ve market dot com slash hurdle to start your
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: risk free membership and get a free gift today thrive
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: market dot com slash Hurdle. As always, if you feel
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: what you are listening to today and I have a
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: feeling that we're on the same page here with this
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: loneliness stuff, make sure to reach out to me over Instagram, Twitter, Facebook,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: at Hurdle podcast at Emily a Body. If you have
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: a hurdle moment of your own to share, or you
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: just want to say hi, always feel free to email me.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: It's Emily at hurdle dot us and if you have
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: yet to either subscribe to the Weekly Hurdle or become
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: a member of Hurdle.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Of the New Secret sh.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Hurdler's Facebook group, links to do all of that are
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: in the show notes.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: With that, let's get to hurdling loneliness.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: It's interesting there are a lot of things in life
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: that can trigger the feeling of loneliness. And before we
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: get into this topic today, I feel like it's really
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: important to distinguish the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Now,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: being alone is literally a state of being, whereas feeling
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: lonely is a state of mind. You can feel lonely,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: like I said, standing in a large group of people,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: even though you might not be physically alone. And let
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: me tell you, as someone who has been living alone
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: for at least four years, I work for myself. I
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: spend a lot of time alone, But it wasn't until
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: about twenty eighteen when I really felt ultimately at my
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: loneliest point. At the time, I had recently gotten out
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: of a relationship and I was really struggling to identify
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: my sense of self worth, as one does sometimes when
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: you're dealing with all of the things that go hand
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: in hand with that kind of situation. And so I
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: did two things which really changed my life. One was
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: start this podcast, and two was take a ten day
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: solo trip to Italy. Now, before I went on that
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: trip to Italy, I felt as though if I was
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: doing things alone, that I was doing something wrong, and
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: that by wanting to go to dinner by myself or
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: around Manhattan by myself, that meant that I couldn't find
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: someone who wanted to do that activity with me, and
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: then in turn, I was messing up.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: And what that ten day.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Solo trip to Italy, which I would literally do anything
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: to go back and do this very second, what that
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: trip taught me was that it's okay to be alone,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: and in fact, there are so many benefits you can
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: gain from that alone time. By getting to a place
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: where I felt more comfortable spending time alone, I ultimately
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: began to feel less lonely in my life and even
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: got to a place where I could really enjoy that
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: solo time. So now let's bring it back to the
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: concept of loneliness. I cannot reiterate this enough. Your marital status,
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: being single or attached, does not one way or the
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: other prevent you from feeling lonely. Everyone feels lonely. A
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: stat that I found on the interwebs is that twenty
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: two percent of Americans feel some sort of constant ambient loneliness.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: If you are feeling lonely, there are some telltale signs.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: You're focused on, perhaps material possessions, and maybe you're shopping
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: a lot. You don't feel like you have a lot
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: of deep connections. Maybe you're experiencing a lot of feelings
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: of self doubt and negative self worth. You could feel
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: exhausted and burnt out. You're regularly sick. Fun fact, if
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: you feel really lonely, that also disarms your immune.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: System to an extent.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Also, maybe you feel insecure in your relationships. Well, here's
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: the deal, newsflash, just because you feel lonely doesn't mean
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: that your life is in shambles. So let's talk about
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: strategies to tackle loneliness head on. First things first, it's
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: important to be honest with yourself and others about how
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: you feel. It's super important for you to admit when
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: you are feeling this way, firstly to yourself, until you
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: confront this feeling, until you allow yourself to truly feel
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: this loneliness and admit to it, you will never be
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: able to do something about it. Similarly, when it comes
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: to your prize relationships to the people that you care about,
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: it is important that you open up to someone or
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: maybe a few people that you can trust about this subject.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: There is a little bit of a stigma about this
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: concept of loneliness, and I think what you will find
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: is once you say to your friend, or your family member,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: or your mentor or your coworker, hey, I'm really struggling
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: with this, you will be met with someone that totally
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: understands how you feel because at times they have felt
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: it too instantly. By sharing your feelings of loneliness with
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: someone else, you will in turn feel less alone, and
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: that is a really great starting point. Next strategy for
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: tackling loneliness head on. Notice negative thought patterns and then
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: move forward. I remember years ago when I started using
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: headspace for the first time. Noting is a key concept
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: in meditation, and basically what that means is you just
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: recognize that you are having a thought, accept the thought,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: and then move forward from it. That doesn't mean that
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: you won't ever experience that type of thought again, but
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: what it does mean is that you just accept that
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: it's happening, without judgment, without anger. So if you are
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: feeling lonely again, admit it to yourself, Note that you
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: feel lonely, and then harness the opportunity to do something
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: about it. Next strategy, make smart plans. So when I
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: find that I am personally in a rut of feeling
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: really lonely, one of the best things that I can
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: do for myself is make plans that give me something
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: to look forward to. And that doesn't necessarily mean that
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: within the next thirty minutes I'm going to leave my
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: apartment meet up with a friend, and all of a sudden,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: because I'm no longer alone, I'm not lonely. No, it
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: doesn't look like that this is just one step to
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: the puzzle here. Anyway, These plans again gives you somebody
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: to look forward to, put something on your to do list,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: and then in turn also presents you again with that
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: opportunity to talk about where you are coming from with
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: someone else if.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: You ask me.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Even better, if these are active plans to get the
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: blood flow moving to feel those necessary endorphins. But hey,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: to each their own. Next strategy, check your social media usage.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I'm sure I'm not the first person to tell you
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: that checking in on social media can surely instill some
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: feelings of self doubt. At times, you see people doing things,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: maybe things that you want to be doing that you're
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: not doing. You see the way that somebody looks, or
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: a project that they have going on, or some sort
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: of accomplishment that they have, and at times, although you
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: want to be happy for them and hopefully you're surrounding
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: yourself and your feed with people that inspire you, this
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: experience the scrolling, it can make you feel like you're
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: not good enough, and that is the last thing you
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: need when you are feeling lonely, So at this time
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: great opportunity to check out of social media. Life will
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: go on if you don't open Instagram for a few
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: hours or better yet, maybe even a full weekend. By
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: steering clear from social media, which might take a little
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: bit of actual effort at first, you can come back
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: to what's really happening in your life and dedicate the
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: time reinvest that time back into yourself and your well being.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: My next strategy for tackling a loneliness head on has
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: to do with list making. Y'all, know that I love
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: to write things down. I do it a lot as
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: a journalist, but also a lot for personal development. Self
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: development work, and so lists that I have made that
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: help me deal with my feelings when I am feeling lonely.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: First up, I have a list of things that I
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: can do by myself that bring me joy. I know
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: that sounds a little silly, perhaps, but I literally go
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: back to it time and time again, even though let's
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: be real, by now, I have most of it memorized
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: and figured out. Things on this list I love writing,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I love reading. I love going for bike rides and runs.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I actually love dining out by myself and bringing you
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: a book to make that experience feel really extra enjoyable.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I like taking walks in the mornings with coffee. I mean,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: the list goes on and on, but the point of
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: that list is like, Okay, I'm feeling super lonely, but
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: it reminds you that there are things in your life
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: that you can do that bring you joy that require
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: absolutely no one else at that moment. Other lists that
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: can help with loneliness have a list of people that
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: you feel like you can go to, someone that you
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: can be open with about how you truly feel and
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: in these moments of loneliness, as you work through these
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: other strategies, you'll be able to reach out to one
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: of these people to have that open dialogue. Another list
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: that I think is really critical for us to reflect
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: on when we are feeling lonely, and an exercise I
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: would encourage you to do what literally today is. I
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: want you to write down the things that you love
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: about yourself. It can be a little awkward going through
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: this whole self flattery thing, but here's the deal. You
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: are great as you are, and every single person that
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: is listening to this right now in their headphones, you
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: have redeeming qualities. Although your loneliness may make you feel
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: like you are just a hot mess, You're not a
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: hot mess. I want you to take at least three
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: to five minutes, maybe it's right at this very second,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: when you're done listening to this episode, and write down
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: the things that you love about yourself. Your personality, your
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: work effort, how you show up for others, your passion
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: for laughter, your ability to show up for the people
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: that you care about, whatever it is, whatever they are,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: the things that make you you, the things that you
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: really value about yourself. Write those things down and go
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: back to this list when you feel as though you
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: are struggling. Trust me, it will really really help. And
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: my last tip for today for tackling loneliness head on,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: be kind to other people you know. Once, I read
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: a research study that talked about the benefit that athletes
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: can get from cheering on other athletes during about of efforts.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: So I remember I said this in my episode with
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Coach Bennett that I read this study right before the
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Chicago Marathon. And because of that, as I'm running and
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: like literally giving it all that I've got, I'm cheering
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: on other people that I don't know in the process,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: and that cheering gives me, in turn a boost. When
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: you are kind to other people, that positivity. Putting that
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: positivity into the universe will come back to you. Trust me, literally,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: tomorrow morning, if you're going to grab a cup of coffee,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: or pick up your dry cleaning, or grab something from
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: the grocery store, treat the person that is helping provide
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: you a service with a little extra kindness and watch
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: their face light up. That beautiful interaction. It gives back
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: to you. It makes you realize that you aren't in
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: this day to day grind by yourself. If you happen
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: to be spending most of your days at home, which
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: many of us are, rather than doing this in real
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: life with someone that might be providing you a service,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: simply maybe respond to emails with a little bit more compassion.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Text a friend and tell them that you appreciate them,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: show up to your day with a smile, and choose gratitude.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: And choosing gratitude every single time will help you feel
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: less lonely. I can't put this reminder out into the
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: universe enough. Whether you are single or attached, everyone feels
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: lonely at times. In the first step to getting out
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: of your feelings is not only acknowledging this, but understanding
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: that you are not alone in feeling this way. I'd
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: love to hear from you if you have any tips
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: or tricks that you use to fight this lonely feeling
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: when it seeps in for you. And one last reminder,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: if you do find yourself feeling lonely, I want you
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: to remember that it is not a forever thing, this feeling.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: It's temporary, and by being open about it, by talking
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: to friends, by making lists, and using all of these strategies,
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: you will get past it. If you liked what you
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: listened to today, I highly encourage you to head on
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: over to the Hurdle website. The link is in the
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: show notes and there you can take my full hurdle
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: session on how to come into your power alone at
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Emily Body at Hurdle Podcast. Another hurdle conquered. Catch you
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: guys next time.