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When Life Doesn't Go To Plan: Finding Resilience After The Breaking Point · Voices for Voices®

• 0:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Hi everyone, it's Justin here, Voices for Voices.
• 0:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Thank you so much for watching and listening here in the United States across the world.
• 0:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We're gonna be reaching 3 billion people and helping 3 billion people.
• 0:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Thanks to you.
• 0:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And we are asking if you can give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, reshare, repost, word of mouth.
• 0:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Check out our catalog.
• 0:32
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Over 565 episodes, which is just remarkable as I hear myself say that.
• 0:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And if you're not on your phone, or if you are on your phone, then maybe you could uh see with the there we go.
• 0:56
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: With the virtual screen behind me.
• 1:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um if you can reach out to maybe 25, 50, 100 contacts of yours and share the Voices for Voices podcast, that would be very, very uh very welcome.
• 1:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And thank you so much in advance for everything that you have done to make voices for voices, uh, who we are, what we are, uh, for being able to reach people and all continents.
• 1:32
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's uh it's really an awesome feeling.
• 1:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: This uh particular episode just want to focus a little bit on or a lot on everything doesn't go the in life, everything doesn't go the way we want it to.
• 1:56
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um that's just a fact because nobody's perfect.
• 2:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So there's times where things go good, there's times where things don't go so good, and it's important to realize that all the good, the bad, the ugly is what has taken us from an earlier period of time to kind of kind of the current state of who we are.
• 2:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So get a little bit like philosophical on this particular show.
• 2:35
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And since everything doesn't go as planned as we expected, again, there's there's times that do go as expected, or close to that, and times that don't.
• 2:53
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And if it wasn't for all those shared experiences, uh, we wouldn't be where we are.
• 3:04
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And if we think about it and think, well, I wish this thing would have happened, I wish this wouldn't have worked wouldn't have worked out in the negative, or whatever it may be, if those things wouldn't have happened, it wouldn't make us who we are today, which I believe that there is there's good in everybody, but some decisions, some uh some events, some circumstances prove to be otherwise.
• 3:44
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So when we say we're sending our love and support to everybody, we are uh even even our enemies, because we're all human.
• 3:55
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Now there's things our enemies have done, and we don't agree with that and those things, but at the core, uh you know, as uh just as we get get older, it it just becomes more I think more center stage because we have a little bit more perspective on life's events, and I think that is helpful for any parent, any guardian, any person that's able to take a whole lot of good, a whole lot of not good, put it together, and come out on the other side.
• 4:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Uh, there's many times that I've mentioned where I could not be here on earth because of decisions that I I made.
• 5:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But somehow, some way, for me, God was looking out for me, and not only that, but we talk about the purpose.
• 5:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Like, what's what are we here on earth for?
• 5:20
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Well, we talk about this a lot, but it's important because we think, well, for me, you know, why did God save me?
• 5:31
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Why did why am I still here?
• 5:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And others not.
• 5:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Some of it's hereditary, some of it's decision making, some of it's a combination, some of it's bad luck, but whatever we want to call it, it's important for us just to think about why are we here?
• 6:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And there must be a reason why we're here.
• 6:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Is it the rat race, right?
• 6:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Where where we're just sitting in the office and oh yeah, yes, boss, yes, boss, yes, boss, yes, boss, and then we go home and and then we wake up the next day, we do the same thing, and then the next day, and then the next day, and we look back, and I'm speaking from experience of all the different experiences I've had, that it gives me a lot of perspective on well, if this thing didn't happen, then I wouldn't have got here or there.
• 6:55
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And some of those things are good, some of them are not so good.
• 7:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: When we talk about voices for voices, if I hadn't had that mental health crash in 2017, I probably wouldn't be sitting here.
• 7:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You wouldn't be watching me, you wouldn't be listening to me or our guests.
• 7:22
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so that is the core of it.
• 7:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Because God could have taken me at that time in 2017, just like that, just in a snap of a finger.
• 7:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: He could have just taken taken me.
• 7:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But he didn't.
• 7:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: He m he must have seen something clearly that I didn't see.
• 7:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I was just like, I don't know how I'm gonna get by.
• 8:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There wasn't a lot of hope for me in feeling like what's next for me?
• 8:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: How am I gonna, you know, how am I gonna get to the next day?
• 8:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Not just the next month or the next year.
• 8:19
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: How am I gonna get through today to get to tomorrow?
• 8:23
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And am I still gonna be feeling the same way?
• 8:32
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Is it gonna just hurt because I have to try something new.
• 8:44
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I had to try something new.
• 8:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I had I had to put my trust in people I had no idea I never met in my life, and I had to put my trust and faith that that they would look out for my betterment and in a lot of other individuals too.
• 9:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so we take all these things and and go, okay, well, just about ten years ago, and we come up with November of 2026, that's a 10-year mark.
• 9:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so I I could say without a doubt that 10 years ago, I had no idea if I was gonna be alive.
• 9:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Not only that, because I just said that, but I again I I I don't know if I I mean I won't I wouldn't be here to today because a lot of what manifested itself, me writing my book, the one one see if I can okay.
• 10:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm kinda there we go.
• 10:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That one, the House of View Prescription for Living.
• 10:16
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I never would have written a book about my mental health.
• 10:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So that for sure wouldn't have happened, and that was on advice from one of my therapists, my first my first therapist out of the hospital, outside of the group therapy that I that I was in.
• 10:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So that book wouldn't be a thing.
• 10:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That wouldn't lead me to want to do more than just like, okay, here's my mental health journey.
• 10:56
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I've kind of come out on the other side, I guess.
• 11:01
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But uh, and and you can too.
• 11:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's what I mean when I say all these experiences, good, bad, and different, they all get, you know, they all get welded or grouped together to be who we are today.
• 11:31
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And whether you watch or listen to this episode when it first drops, or if you watch or listen in days, weeks, months, years down the road, I wouldn't be here.
• 11:49
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And it's kind of scary to think about that.
• 11:56
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's scary to think about like how how will my loved ones go on?
• 12:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: How and like it's real like life is real, death is real When someone passes away we don't we don't get to see them anymore on earth in a human state And that's hard to hard to grasp Especially when it's somebody so close in family with my dad I mean I give that you know uh anything to have him back God needed him for for for something much bigger, much greater than me and my family.
• 13:19
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: He needed my dad, and and so that's that's part of why we have this episode is because like I said, in the snap of a finger, we can find ourselves not here on earth.
• 13:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And it's like, oh yeah, well, you know, we live and then we die, and then we and then and then what what do we do in the in the in the meantime?
• 14:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Do we help ourselves?
• 14:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Do we help our families?
• 14:06
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Do what do we help others?
• 14:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: What do we do?
• 14:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so I I challenge each one of our viewers and listeners to just stop and and take inventory of where where you're at in life.
• 14:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And I'm not talking about promotions, I'm just talking about in general, and and some people go, oh, well, you know, you're thinking about death too much.
• 14:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Well, I don't think about it all the time, but it is a fact of life, so it's a little bit hard for me not to talk about it, especially after seeing so many.
• 15:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I mean, whether they're celebrities or not, they take take their own life.
• 15:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's a high-profile federal attorney who took his life just recently.
• 15:34
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And we can think, well, he had money, had family, had but we we know we don't know what's going on in inside, you know, in between the ears with with individuals.
• 15:49
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: That's another that's another big area that I like to talk about and share about because it's so true.
• 15:58
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We're not the only ones going through what we're going through.
• 16:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Might not be exactly like other similar enough.
• 16:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: When I was in hospital in 2017, I thought I was the only one had, you know, the the mental health, just the burnout, the not knowing what was gonna happen to myself and what I was gonna do next.
• 16:28
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: The corporate world wasn't I I I just I guess didn't get along with the corporate world.
• 16:36
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Um, I had another stint after that.
• 16:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But the corporate world can be good and it cannot can be not so good.
• 16:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I mean, I toxic bosses just about my entire corporate work life.
• 17:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Were they the whole the reason why I had my mental health crash?
• 17:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I don't know.
• 17:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I think they contributed to that.
• 17:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I mean just think of a car, an engine.
• 17:25
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And you can only go so far with that, and then it's gonna stop working.
• 17:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We have a car with gas, runs out of gas, and you're still pressing the gas pedal, or same thing with the electric vehicle.
• 17:54
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Keep pressing the pedal.
• 17:59
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Wondering, like, come on, we gotta go, we gotta keep going.
• 18:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We can't we can't stop, we can't stop.
• 18:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There's twenty miles to the next charging station, and we're only gonna make it ten more miles.
• 18:14
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: What do we do?
• 18:17
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Those are the types of things that I didn't understand at the time, and so for me, not only to want to help people, and some people go, Oh, well, you know, you you know, the big thing you have is the show, and yeah, mythical creatures around the world, but as far as the show, it's like, what do you mean like you're helping people just by talking and sharing?
• 18:49
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Well, from someone who has had lots of experience in therapy, group therapy, individual therapy for 10 just about 10 years, as I said earlier in the show, I I know a little bit about therapy, I know a little bit about the mental health deal.
• 19:12
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And it's a real thing.
• 19:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: But I'm also, and you or somebody, a loved one, a colleague, uh coworker, a teammate, fellow coach.
• 19:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I mean, doesn't matter who we are, we all go through hard times.
• 19:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We do.
• 19:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I mean, it's just the fact fact of life.
• 19:50
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so for over thirty years of my life that's that's what happened.
• 20:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: A lot of good, bad, ugly, everything.
• 20:08
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Then I started to think if those want to happen, I I want I may not be alive, number one.
• 20:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Number two, I wouldn't be where we're at organization-wise meeting certain people.
• 20:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And it comes down to trying.
• 20:44
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Let's try, let's see.
• 20:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We're not gonna know if we don't try.
• 20:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Oh, this this looks glamorous, or this looks a certain way.
• 21:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Aesthetically pleasing.
• 21:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And then we try and go, oh, too much work, or I just I'm not bought in emotionally.
• 21:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so we're all the sum of us is of all the parts, and all the parts are all the events, all the circumstances, all the all the things that happen over the course of our life makes us who we are today.
• 21:51
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And so I'm not asking for pity.
• 21:54
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm not asking for none of that.
• 21:57
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm just sharing.
• 22:00
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: My voice.
• 22:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Because I just have a feeling that there's at least one person that wat watches and or listens for this episode.
• 22:24
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It'll benefit.
• 22:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Like, well, I didn't realize this.
• 22:32
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And it's it's more of sharing about it, because right, we we sometimes keep everything in our head.
• 22:40
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And that's what I did.
• 22:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I kept everything in my head thinking I could do it.
• 22:45
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I could do it.
• 22:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I could figure it out.
• 22:47
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I could do it.
• 22:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I can do it.
• 22:49
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And then I couldn't.
• 22:52
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: There was so much of the I coulds that like almost like that emoji with the like the brain um like puff or poof or whatever.
• 23:07
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And and my and my brain, it was just overloaded.
• 23:11
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And and so that's a big part of you know what drove me to where I was at the you know those years, those years ago.
• 23:32
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So it's important that we as hard as it is, hard as it feels, and I'm speaking from experience myself.
• 23:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If the things that we went we've we've gone through throughout life didn't happen in the exact way that they did, this could be a whole new ball game for a lot of us.
• 24:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We're our only limitation.
• 24:38
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So something to think about.
• 24:43
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Doesn't mean we're having a perfect life at all.
• 24:48
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: All I know is with voices for voices, for me goes so much more than the podcasts and mythical creatures around the world.
• 25:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It it's so much bigger than me.
• 25:05
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: It's not me, it's bigger than me.
• 25:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Makes me sad, mad, upset.
• 25:33
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Just wondering, you know, why so I hope you I hope you've gained just a little bit of a little bit of knowledge.
• 25:55
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And again, I'm not here just preaching that have my voice heard.
• 26:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: This is real life I'm talking about.
• 26:06
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm not talking about a video game, I'm not talking about anything like that, or virtual reality, or whatever.
• 26:13
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm not talking about, I'm talking about life.
• 26:18
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: And life is hard.
• 26:25
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: One of the best things we can do is to be a little bit kinder to ourselves.
• 26:35
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Instead of, oh, I missed that, I didn't do that.
• 26:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Should have done this.
• 26:42
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Instead of that, you know, here when I first heard kind of that saying of, you know, celebrate the small wins, or like if you do if something goes well, celebrate it.
• 27:03
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Doesn't mean you have to drink alcohol, doesn't mean you have to party with drugs or anything like that.
• 27:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Could just mean taking some time away from screens, devices and going, you know what, I can slow down for a little bit.
• 27:26
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Or I did some I did something I feel good about.
• 27:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: I'm trying so hard to do that for myself of being kinder to myself instead of going, Oh, Justin screwed up there.
• 27:58
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You knew that would happen.
• 28:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Just trust me, there's plenty, plenty of those that it will happen.
• 28:10
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Part of the mind is like, well, you deserve that.
• 28:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Any other parts gone?
• 28:19
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Now we can maybe learn learn from an experience or two.
• 28:27
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: So thank you for joining us.
• 28:30
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: If you can give us a big thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, reshare, repost.
• 28:37
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: You can pull out your phone if your phone's not already pulled out and share the voices for voices podcast with maybe 25, 50, 100 of your contacts.
• 28:49
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We greatly appreciate that, and we greatly appreciate you and anyone who has ever tuned in to our show.
• 29:02
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Whether you've been with us from the beginning, or this is your first episode.
• 29:09
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Welcome to the family, welcome to the Voices for Voices Family.
• 29:15
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Come as you are, and let's celebrate all the voices in the world, and also let's be a voice for not only ourselves, but maybe somebody else in need can be a voice for.
• 29:39
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Thank you very much.
• 29:41
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: We'll see you on another episode of the Voices for Voices podcast.
• 29:46
  Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: Bye bye for now.