Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Was any of it real with a narcissist?

Transcript

Was any of it real with a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Was any of it real? With a narcissist, it's tough.
• 0:05
  It's a hot question. Is hot button, hot button?
• 0:08
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:09
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:11
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:31
  Boom. Welcome back, Welcome back,
• 0:32
  Welcome back, folks. Yes, yes, yes.
• 0:34
  This is one of the main questions that I get throughout
• 0:37
  the entirety of my platforms, right?
• 0:40
  Like a lot of people like everywhere.
• 0:42
  TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn,
• 0:48
  LinkedIn, LinkedIn, LinkedIn. They be asking me on LinkedIn,
• 0:53
  was any other real with a narcissist and I'm a just be
• 0:58
  real out and this y'all know, I'm a I'm a diagnosed
• 1:01
  narcissist. I'm a self aware narcissist and
• 1:02
  whatnot. And the fact remains and this is
• 1:06
  my unique perspective like you won't, you won't find too many
• 1:09
  perspectives out there, too many perspectives out there like
• 1:11
  mine. But was any of it real?
• 1:15
  The answer to that question is going to be for me in my mind a
• 1:19
  lot of times in the beginning, it's real.
• 1:22
  The beginning is the real estate part with a narcissist.
• 1:26
  I will say that right there, the beginning of a relationship with
• 1:30
  a narcissist is going to be the real estate part of their
• 1:33
  relationship most times. Now, could it all have been fake
• 1:39
  from day one? Yes, you do have those kind of
• 1:42
  sociopathic, psychopathic, narcissistic people out there
• 1:45
  who don't really care about anybody and who seek set out to
• 1:49
  use people. So yes, that could absolutely be
• 1:52
  true from the beginning, that absolutely none of it was real.
• 1:55
  They were pathological, lying, user, abuser, psychopathic,
• 2:00
  crazy, narcissistic people, Right.
• 2:03
  That can be true. But for the most part, if you're
• 2:06
  dealing with your run of you, your average run-of-the-mill
• 2:09
  narcissist, I'm not. And this is not me trying to
• 2:11
  paint it like narcissist who you know are, you know, easy to deal
• 2:15
  with or like less. Not trying to make narcissists
• 2:18
  seem like narcissists are less than psychopaths or sociopaths.
• 2:24
  But this is me just saying to you, they're like, think about
• 2:26
  it right here. Most like it's realist in the
• 2:30
  beginning. Like it go like, you know,
• 2:34
  that's that's why the Love bombing phase exists.
• 2:39
  That's why the Love bombing phase exists.
• 2:42
  That's truly why it exists to because of situations like that.
• 2:46
  The Love bombing phase exists because of toxic dynamics like
• 2:52
  that, because of toxic relationship spaces.
• 2:55
  You know, because, like because it's realist in the beginning.
• 2:58
  That's why the Love bombing phase is not at the end, it's at
• 3:01
  the beginning. It starts off on the highest
• 3:04
  note. Y'all know I've said this type
• 3:07
  of stuff before, but a normal relationship starts off at the
• 3:09
  bottom and you work your way to the top of the mountain.
• 3:12
  A toxic, narcissistic relationship is like, you get
• 3:15
  air dropped to the peak, you get air, you get air dropped to the
• 3:20
  peak of the mountain and you're like, oh, we're at the top of
• 3:23
  the mountain, but we just get to know each other.
• 3:25
  I don't know you and you don't know me, but hey, we just
• 3:28
  climbed Everest together. Yeah, you.
• 3:30
  You know what I'm saying? You start off at the peak.
• 3:34
  If you at the peak, there's nowhere left to go but down, You
• 3:38
  know what I mean? There's nowhere left to go but
• 3:42
  down, if you think about it right here from this space, from
• 3:44
  this dynamic, like there's nowhere left to go but down.
• 3:49
  If you're at the top, there's nowhere left to go but down.
• 3:52
  So was any of it real? I think that you, when you do
• 3:55
  get the narcissistic person, you know there's a spectrum, the
• 3:58
  narcissist that are lower on the spectrum, right, that they can
• 4:01
  care about you. They can.
• 4:02
  And God, let me stop right there.
• 4:05
  Pause. This is not me trying to say,
• 4:10
  hey, it was real. Hey, Lee said it was real.
• 4:13
  So I should give this person another chance.
• 4:15
  That's not what the hell I'm saying at all, you know, that's
• 4:20
  that's 0% of what I'm saying right now.
• 4:22
  Absolute 0% of what I'm saying right now.
• 4:26
  Is that right there? You know, it's zero.
• 4:28
  Again, let me reiterate, 0% of what I'm saying applies.
• 4:33
  Like, is it? This is not me trying to say go
• 4:34
  back to your toxic relationship and give him another chance
• 4:36
  because I said some of it was real.
• 4:38
  This is not me saying that you can rekindle anything from that
• 4:42
  toxic, narcissistic, personal relationship.
• 4:44
  This is not what I'm saying, right.
• 4:47
  What I'm saying is that they could have been real in the
• 4:51
  beginning. They could have actually cared
• 4:53
  for you like you don't like it. It seems this this just to me
• 4:57
  from the logical perspective of my mind and y'all can disagree
• 5:00
  with me. Y'all I'm open to being
• 5:01
  disagreed with. I think that's when people get
• 5:02
  confused with you can disagree with me, I'm amenable to being
• 5:07
  disagreed with, you know it just keep a disrespect to a minimum,
• 5:11
  you know, But I think they care about you in the beginning.
• 5:14
  A lot of them do, but the care goes away.
• 5:17
  It fades away, it fades fast. The beginning of the
• 5:20
  relationship is the dopamine here.
• 5:21
  It's just like a super high. It becomes damn near
• 5:25
  intoxicating, right? I'm intoxicated.
• 5:28
  I'm, I'm, I'm I'm intoxicatingly in love with you.
• 5:31
  I'm obsessed with you. I'm in lust with you.
• 5:34
  I crave you. I crave your essence, your
• 5:36
  smell, your touch, your voice, just your your presence.
• 5:40
  I crave it, you know? But again, sooner or later, it's
• 5:43
  just kind of like I crave ice cream, you know?
• 5:46
  I crave a lot. I crave most tracks.
• 5:48
  Ice cream. And once I get that, once I get
• 5:51
  that craving, craving has been satisfied.
• 5:54
  You know, I don't necessarily want moose tracks no more.
• 5:56
  For a little while, I still like moose tracks.
• 5:59
  I still feel my favorite ice cream.
• 6:01
  You still my favorite supply. But I just don't need it right
• 6:05
  now. I can get it anytime.
• 6:06
  So I don't necessarily kick moose tracks to the curb.
• 6:08
  I put it in the freezer. I can come back and eat it
• 6:10
  later. You know, I can pull up the
• 6:13
  freezer and eat it anytime I want to.
• 6:16
  Now I know your minds went to the to the gutter right there.
• 6:19
  Get your mind out the gutter. But they put you in the face.
• 6:24
  My mom did the gutter too. Did it.
• 6:30
  Sorry, but that's how it goes. So the real estate part of a
• 6:35
  relationship with a narcissist is going to be the beginning.
• 6:38
  That's just factual. Y'all can't can you have after
• 6:41
  the beginning of the relationship?
• 6:43
  Six months, 12 months, three years, 10 years.
• 6:46
  Down the road, can you have another peak?
• 6:49
  Yes, you can have multiple peaks.
• 6:50
  There's look, that's why it's called a mountain range.
• 6:54
  I think Mount Everest is Everest.
• 6:56
  Everest is part of a mountain range, isn't it?
• 6:58
  I could be wrong. I could absolutely be wrong.
• 7:00
  Right there. You know me.
• 7:02
  I'm geographically ignorant right there, you know, is Mount,
• 7:06
  I'm. Is Mount Everest part of a
• 7:12
  range? Mount Everest is Earth highs
• 7:16
  mountain sub range of the Himalayas.
• 7:18
  Yep, the Himalayas part of the sub range of the Himalaya
• 7:20
  mountain. So there's other peaks there as
• 7:22
  well. Mount Everest is just the
• 7:23
  highest peak. Your toxic relationship starts
• 7:26
  off at the highest peak. There's other peaks.
• 7:28
  You can see other peaks from the top of Everest you like.
• 7:30
  Oh look at that, there's another peak down there.
• 7:32
  It's a lower peak, but it's still a peak.
• 7:35
  Other people and when you've been to the top of Mount
• 7:38
  Everest, like other peaks, would never, ever feel the same.
• 7:41
  The new peaks won't feel the same.
• 7:43
  They'll still feel good every now and then.
• 7:45
  Because if you're not getting peaks, if you're not getting
• 7:49
  mountain peaks, if you're not, if you're getting, if you're
• 7:51
  always at the bottom, a peak feels good, right?
• 7:55
  So even a smaller peak feels good.
• 7:57
  That's where intermittent reinforcement comes in at.
• 7:59
  That's where breadcrumbing comes into play.
• 8:01
  They give you a little bit so. So you stay with them.
• 8:05
  They take you to a peak every once in a while.
• 8:07
  Hey, we haven't been on a trip in five years.
• 8:08
  Here's a trip. And then you.
• 8:10
  Five more years without a trip. Five more years without a hug,
• 8:13
  Five more years without. I love you.
• 8:14
  Hey, we went on that trip. Remember that trip, you say?
• 8:17
  So was any of it real? I do think some of it was real.
• 8:20
  That's just my perspective. Y'all.
• 8:21
  And this is again, I know people just you're saying at least
• 8:25
  trying to get people hurt. You're trying to get people to
• 8:26
  go back to toxicity. No, I'm not telling you that.
• 8:29
  I'm literally sad out of my mouth.
• 8:31
  Don't go back because of this damn video.
• 8:35
  Now if you want to plug your ears, you you want to plug your
• 8:37
  little empathetic ears and not hear what I say and make my
• 8:40
  voice sound like it's mumbling to you.
• 8:42
  That's up to you. You're a human being.
• 8:44
  You can make your own decision, but I'm just telling you because
• 8:48
  they will never be the same again.
• 8:50
  Well, I just miss them so much. I understand that you miss them
• 8:53
  so much. It's it's it's It makes sense
• 8:56
  that you miss somebody that you that you climbed Everest with
• 9:00
  with. It makes sense that you climbed.
• 9:02
  Did you miss somebody that you peaked with?
• 9:04
  It's understandable. Why do y'all beat yourselves up
• 9:07
  over missing somebody that you that you had some good times
• 9:09
  with? It's understandable.
• 9:12
  Was not. It's not acceptable.
• 9:13
  Just go back to to an abusive situation because you missed the
• 9:16
  peaks. You can create new peaks with
• 9:19
  other people. You can create new peaks with
• 9:21
  yourself. You don't need other people to
• 9:22
  even peak. You can peak by yourself.
• 9:24
  It's cool to be climbing, you know.
• 9:27
  I'm going to climb a mountain by myself.
• 9:28
  I'm going to start peeking by myself.
• 9:29
  You can meet somebody along the way.
• 9:31
  You meet somebody else who's trying to climb a mountain too.
• 9:34
  Y'all meet y'all. Hey, let's climb together.
• 9:36
  Cool. Y'all climb together.
• 9:37
  Clap cheeks at the top of the mountain.
• 9:39
  Let's go. Let's get it.
• 9:41
  But narcissistic people, it does feel real to them, but it's kind
• 9:46
  of like being in a damn trance. I'm tell telling you as a
• 9:48
  narcissist, their love by me face is damn near like being in
• 9:52
  a trance. It's just like I love you, you
• 9:56
  Frankenstein. And to the cheeks, you know what
• 9:58
  I'm saying? It's just like you get in can
• 10:00
  suck into the you know, you suck into the vortex or some buns or
• 10:03
  something like that. You know, it happens.
• 10:06
  But it's like when you snap out of that trance, when you're just
• 10:09
  like when I when I when I snap my fingers, you will, When I
• 10:13
  snap my fingers you will wake up and realize that you don't love
• 10:18
  them cheeks. Where am I?
• 10:27
  Why am I with you? You see what I'm saying When you
• 10:29
  say it's like you wagging about of a damn trance and you don't
• 10:31
  recognize the person that you're with anymore.
• 10:33
  You don't care about the person that you're with anymore like
• 10:34
  you used to. It's just a weird feeling.
• 10:36
  And once those feelings go away, they do not come back.
• 10:40
  Once those feelings go away, they do not come back.
• 10:43
  And that's the part that sucks right there, because it's
• 10:46
  frustrating being the narcissist in that situation because you
• 10:49
  don't understand what the hell just happened and you're
• 10:51
  frustrated and you take your frustrations out on the person
• 10:54
  that you're with. You take your frustrations out
• 10:56
  on your significant other or your wife, your husband, whoever
• 10:59
  it is, your kids, whoever it is, Everybody around you gets your
• 11:02
  frustration now because you're upset because you feel out of
• 11:05
  love with this person. You know?
• 11:08
  It's understandable to feel that way.
• 11:09
  And I just want everybody to stay woke in this situation
• 11:11
  right here, because once that the lights go off or the candle
• 11:14
  blows out, it doesn't get relit the same way.
• 11:16
  The lights start to flicker. They might come back on, but
• 11:19
  they're flickering now, you know?
• 11:21
  But it's part of the cycle of a narcissistic relationship.
• 11:24
  If Y'all wanted to know more about the cycle of a
• 11:27
  narcissistic relationship, check out my course called
• 11:30
  Understanding the Seven Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship.
• 11:33
  I go into great detail about the seven stages, about the love
• 11:37
  bombing phase, why the love bombing phase ends, why it would
• 11:39
  never be the same, why? Like how narcissists feel doing
• 11:42
  the love bombing phase. You know, I break that down very
• 11:45
  clearly indirectly in my, in my, the in the description of every
• 11:50
  single video and podcast that I do.
• 11:52
  So I appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 11:54
  I'm extremely thankful for you. Make sure you subscribe to this
• 11:56
  channel. You know, like, comment helps
• 11:58
  boost the algorithm to reach more people.
• 12:00
  I'm extremely thankful for y'all.
• 12:02
  Mr. Hill, this is peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 12:05
  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness rock
• 12:08
  star and I appreciate you for being here.
• 12:09
  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 12:12
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 12:14
  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 12:17
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 12:19
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
• 12:22
  out. Thank you.
• 12:23
  I will see you in the next video.
• 12:24
  Peace.