Latest / The Starfish Storytellers / Season 3, Episode 1: Pride 2024 - An LGBTQ+ Story of Coming AWARE w/ Danielle Smith

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Season 3, Episode 1: Pride 2024 - An LGBTQ+ Story of Coming AWARE w/ Danielle Smith · The Starfish Storytellers

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Welcome to the Starfish Storytellers, the podcast that makes a difference one story
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at a time by bringing storytelling to life.
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And I guess if I had to sum up my story in like a sentence, right, I would say delayed
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growth due to childhood trauma.
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And so I grew up in the Boston area.
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I live here in Michigan these days.
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And I work for a major university here and everything.
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And I moved here about eight years ago, but I grew up in Boston and I grew up in an alcoholic
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and violent home.
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And there was violence, there was abuse.
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And so I had a lot of childhood trauma that I carried with me into my adulthood that I
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never really dealt with.
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And then in my early 30s, I found my way into a 12-step program.
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It doesn't matter which one it is, they're all great.
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And I will say it was really useful and the experience for me was life-changing.
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And because it was the first time I actually dealt with the trauma and walked through a
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lot of that and unfolded it.
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And it helped me get unstuck.
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And it propelled me and helped me to grow.
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And so it was an interesting time because it was a time when I'm learning about what
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color do I really like or what's my favorite music and what movies do I like and what do
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I like to read and things like that.
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And then the sexuality piece came out quite naturally.
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So it was like I was coming to a whole of me and then that just evolved and it was like,
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oh, okay.
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And it was really subtle.
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It was really subtle how it happened.
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And so my story on how that happened for me, and I know with other people it's really different.
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So I've been married now.
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I've been with my wife now for 17 years, it's amazing, and we've been married since just
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prior to coming to Michigan.
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But I know for her, she knew at a very early age and so she was just more self-aware.
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She had a very different childhood than me.
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But she has a lot of trauma and baggage as a result of that knowing and having to keep
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herself hidden.
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And I didn't have any of that because I had the other trauma to deal with.
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So for me, it was when I started to evolve and to come into myself, this last piece came
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quite naturally.
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I had gone to dinner with a friend.
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And this is somebody that I didn't hang out with a lot and I thought, oh, they seem really
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cool.
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I like their vibe and their energy.
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And then we went to dinner and it was like, it was easy conversation.
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And just we had a lot of fun, a lot of laughs.
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And then we had met up and then drove together to the restaurant and then dropped her back
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off to get to her car that then drive home.
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And I gave her a hug.
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And at the time I was like, I realized I wanted to kiss her.
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And I thought, oh, what's this about?
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You know, it was something new.
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And I was like, huh.
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And so I kind of put that thought aside, like, because I'm really, I was really good at from
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traumatic situations as being able to like put things in little boxes and sort of like
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tuck it aside.
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And I thought, oh, let's not go there.
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In fact, I went home and I set up a date immediately with a man on Match.com.
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And so this was midweek and then when Saturday I go on this date and you know, the entire
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time I'm on the date, I'm thinking about her.
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And I also knew he was kind of short and I think I deliberately and subconsciously were
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really tall boots that day to the date.
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And so I felt like I was like, you know, towering over him.
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And I was thinking about her the whole time.
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And I thought, you know, I had a, I had about an evening of like a hissy fit and trying
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to like say, I don't want to deal with this and da da da.
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And then, and the next day I woke up and I thought, you know what?
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I think I want to explore these feelings and just to see what they're about.
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And I'm really fortunate that I was surrounded by so many good people to reach out to.
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And so, and, and, you know, there were definitely people that didn't have that sort of like
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all welcoming reaction.
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But the number of people that did far outweighed that.
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My brothers were really incredibly loving and supportive.
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And that actually surprised me.
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But shouldn't have.
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I mean, we grew up with our aunt who was gay, like, so there was, there was knowledge there.
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My friends were more often than not welcoming.
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I had, I did have some friends that had, you know, kind of a pullback from the situation,
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I think, because, you know, people are processing their own stuff.
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I mean, it's just, it's a lot for people to take in.
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I mean, it's, I think it's no different than, you know, like if you go into say, you all
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of a sudden go in and become a nun or something like that.
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Like, you know, it's, it's like a whole different piece of you that they never saw coming.
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And so it's as much of a shock it is, as it could be to you, it could be to them.
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And so I kind of had the hindsight about that too, and I was, I was okay with that.
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I figured, you know, people will come to their own evolution on things and it's not up to
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me to control.
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And so, you know, I did have somebody that when I told them, they said, well, you know,
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Danny, that's not you.
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That's not natural.
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And my whole stomach did a flip flop.
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And for a second, I like hesitated, but like the doors, not only were the windows open,
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the doors were open.
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And by that point, like it was like that piece of me was coming out no matter what.
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And so it was like a whole coming to and not coming out.
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So I called up a friend of mine initially who was gay when I, when I, after I had my
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hissy fit and I said to them, and explained what was going on.
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And she said, well, good for you.
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You know, great.
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Good for you for acknowledging the feelings.
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You may be gay, you may be bi, you know, you may just be really attracted.
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And something within this person that you find attractive in them, you know, some part
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of their personality, but good for you for acknowledging the feelings.
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I'm really proud of you, you know.
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And so that bit of encouragement helped me to then reach out to other friends.
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And I just, I just knew I wanted to be like open about all of me.
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I had like all of me in a closet for so long, you know, like I had to be open and, and,
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you know, no matter what the consequences were to relationships or other things.
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And so I, yeah, I reached out to friends, a close friend of mine in Canada said, oh
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my God, I'm so happy you finally realized.
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And so, so that was kind of the reaction I got from most people.
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Not so much from my mother.
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And that's surprising because my mom grew up with her sister who was gay and they lived
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upstairs from us in a triple decker for quite some time when I lived in Boston.
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And so, you know, mom's reaction was, how can you go from, you know, being with a man
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to being with a woman?
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And what does that mean for children, for home?
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And, you know, and I'm like, you know, mom, I think it's, the picture's just different,
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you know.
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I said, you can still have the kids, the relationship, the white picket fence.
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You know, it's just a different picture.
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And eventually, like, and I let it go.
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And my mom and I weren't wholly intimate, like, into having like that kind of dialogue
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and discussion.
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So I knew well enough to let mom process it.
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And I think, I think my aunt was an ally in that process for her too.
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And my brother certainly had something to say about it.
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And they were awesome.
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And then from there, I think my aunt wanted to be more of a support for me.
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So my first year in coming aware was more, it wasn't just coming out, it was being aware
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first.
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And then, and accepting that and then exploring it.
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And then, you know, and my aunt wanted to be like there for me.
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And she mentioned it and we talked about it.
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But I didn't really need it.
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You know, for me, my story is one of just, it's not so much just coming out.
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Like I've, like, I came to, I came out, and I stayed out.
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And if I had to say that would be my story.
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Hello, my name is Liana Henry.
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And welcome to the Starfish Storytellers.
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I'm the CEO of the Black Dog Group, a MarCom and project management firm headquartered
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on the east coast of the US in quaint colonial Bedford, Massachusetts.
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I'm your host and passionate about storytelling.
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I'm actually on a mission to raise up the next generation of storytellers.
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We've named ourselves the Starfish Storytellers after the Starfish Story.
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The moral of the Starfish Story is based on the power of one.
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No matter how big the challenge, each action we take makes a difference and has an impact.
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One step, one starfish, or one story at a time.
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Every episode, we welcome a new storyteller who will share their story meant to inspire
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and connect with you.
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Then we'll break it down and offer tips for any listeners who are ready to tell their
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own stories.
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So thanks for tuning in.
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Now let's get started.
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Today's episode is in honor of Pride Month 2024.
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And with me today is my dear friend Danielle Smith.
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In addition to being a research administrator for life sciences at a large university in
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Michigan, she is a proud for mama, musician, talented photographer and member of the LGBTQ
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plus community.
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Danielle is joining me today to share her journey and some insights she learned along
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the way.
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So thank you so much for being here.
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We're really excited to have you.
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Thank you very much for having me.
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It's an honor.
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We'd like to get started by having our guests introduce themselves.
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And you do much better job than I did.
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So would you mind telling folks a little bit more about you?
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Sure.
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So I currently live in Michigan.
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I grew up in the Boston area.
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And I work for University of Michigan, which I'm proud to share.
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They do a lot of the initiatives and I'm very proud to represent.
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I don't represent you.
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Am I represent myself here on this podcast today?
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But I'm very proud to be working at University of Michigan and in the role that I am in at
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the Institute in particular, who are very strong allies in the movement.
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So nice.
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So I loved hearing your story.
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I've known you for a long time.
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I have never heard it in its totality.
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I love the concept of coming aware before coming out.
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I think so.
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I can only compare it to the queer folks in my family.
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But for some folks, it was sort of just a natural evolution that they were going to
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come out.
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And then for some folks, there was sort of this urgency that they needed to tell their
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story.
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And so there was this coming out experience as opposed to being aware.
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So I really loved sort of and I loved how you compared your wife's experience to your
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experience and how that was different based on the background that you came from.
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For us, this time of year is very, very important because on our team, we have straight allies,
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gay, lesbian, and pansexual folks that all work for our company.
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And we come to work every day of the year being our authentic selves.
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But for this time of year, we like to use our platforms and channels to speak out about
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why pride matters and to talk a little bit about how folks could help or get help.
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How do you get involved with pride?
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So here in Michigan, so I moved here about eight years ago pre-pandemic.
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And so I haven't been as involved here in Michigan in pride activities except on campus.
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And so we haven't, my wife transitioned with the pandemic, so it wasn't like time for social
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activity.
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So we're really feeling like now we're starting to venture there.
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And so there's a massive pride celebration in Detroit in June.
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So we're trying to think about our plans around that activity.
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And so there are, and there's a lot happening in Michigan.
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Michigan, my wife grew up in Michigan.
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And so it's been interesting having her come back and have a different kind of experience
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than what she had during her childhood.
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It's much more open here.
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We live in Washtenaw County, which is, I'm sure like the political spectrum has a lot
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to do with this.
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It's 95% Democrat here.
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And so it's a very open area and the university has a lot to play in that role.
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They play a big part of that.
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So as far as pride here, I wasn't heavily involved.
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I was more involved in Massachusetts.
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So we lived in Western Mass for a time.
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We lived in Northampton.
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We like to say that's the pride capital of the world.
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It's at every level and it's wonderful and such an inclusive town.
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And it's actually, and it's home of Smith College.
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So it's a reason why a lot of students choose to go to Smith as it's a safety thing for
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them as well in terms of having a safe and inclusive environment as they experience that
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through school.
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But I would say there are five colleges out there and they're equally as inclusive and
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welcoming.
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So in addition to obviously the people that work, we work together.
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I have family who identify as gay and when they came out, I remember everything was like
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rainbows and let's get involved in pride and let's go hang the rainbow flag.
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And I thought showing my support was being really open about it and out there and I'm
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wearing all my rainbows, look at me.
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But what I learned was that being gay is only part of the human pie, just like being straight
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is only part of the human pie.
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And being white is part of the human pie, being black, being Latino, being indigenous,
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it's all part of the human pie.
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And some of my folks have taught me that being creative and inquisitive, maybe loving to
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cook, maybe being an athlete, being a loyal friend, being skilled at their jobs, being
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very comedic or funny, all of this goes into making them who they are and all of that needs
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to be acknowledged and addressed and loved.
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And sexual orientation didn't need to be front and center.
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Now you talked about in your story about how your family and friends responded.
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You had family that was loving and some friends that were and some friends that weren't.
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At least for the ones that were supportive, because I think people want to be supportive,
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but they might not know how.
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Did you find that you were able or felt like you needed to kind of guide them a little
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bit on best ways to be supportive?
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For some it was, I think, a bit harder.
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I didn't have to guide them.
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I don't feel like it's my job to guide them in that way.
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People want to, I think people love you genuinely.
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And I think people have their own stuff that they have to guide themselves through and
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their own issues and biases.
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I will share an experience I had at work.
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And I won't name the who.
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But sometimes people feel like they have to connect with you by naming, like, you know,
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the conversation will start off like this.
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Oh, so my gay neighbor or my gay friend, you know, it's like they feel like they want to
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relate to you personally and they feel like that's the way to do it the most personal.
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And it's really not like, you know, I mean, there's so much more to me as a person.
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I'm highly creative.
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I sing, I do photography, I write, like, you know, there's all these things that I do.
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In addition to entertaining my fur babies 24 seven, who you may even hear on this on
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this on this recording, you know, but I there's so much more to me.
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And I'm a wife.
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I'm a family member.
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I'm a sister.
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You know, you know, there's just and I think that, you know, this person was definitely
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trying to relate to me by talking about their their gay neighbor.
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And it just you could tell the awkwardness on the conversation.
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And I would say that for folks, if you're an ally, don't relate in that way.
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Like that'll eventually they'll eventually come be comfortable enough to talk with you
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and they'll see you like them as a whole person.
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And so people will will open up about all of them.
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And you'll find very interesting things about people when they talk about themselves.
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I've had young adults in my life feel the need to guide me, especially on things like
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pronouns.
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They got to the point with me.
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I was never intentional.
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I wasn't ever trying to be disrespectful.
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It was new to me.
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And but they got to the point where before they would even introduce me to somebody,
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they would they would let me know, OK, this person is non binary.
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They identify as they them, you know, don't call this person he.
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You don't call this person she.
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So it was like they were running interference for me so that I wouldn't like have a giant
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faux pas and harm someone or unintentionally hurt somebody.
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Right.
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And I will tell you that even even I struggled with pronouns.
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So you know, it's I mean, I grew up speaking English language one way.
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And then, you know, we had we've had a whole host of trainings at U of M and which is wonderful.
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And so we all struggled through this process together.
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And you know, and and it's and it's extra challenging.
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So I'm in an environment with with a lot of international people.
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I mean, we struggle just pronounce names, you know.
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And so a lot of times we will we will defer to someone's name before we defer to a pronoun
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and then and that will be secondary.
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But many of us include our pronouns in our signature line, which is helpful to a lot
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of people.
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Yeah.
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So helps them to identify and to communicate with us.
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Yeah, very important.
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I think I was poking around your LinkedIn because I only know you from one area of life.
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I didn't know you and your personal like your professional career.
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And I see that you worked in higher education.
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So some of my questions around that were and I think you sort of answered some of this,
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you know, was your sexual orientation ever an issue?
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If it was, how so?
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But if it wasn't, in what ways were employers welcoming to you?
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And then, you know, you have a D.E.I. department at U of M that is very active.
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Have you been involved in any of their planning, programming, strategy, anything like that?
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Or like your departments like contributed to anything to help out or so?
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I know I've asked you like 10 questions.
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That's OK.
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So I'm going to answer the first one around being in.
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I'm a research administrator.
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And so I've been in research administration now over 24 years and I've worked at five
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institutions and I will name them all proudly.
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Harvard, Northeastern, Smith College, UMass Amherst, and now University of Michigan, which
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I hope to retire at and done moving around.
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And I will tell you, they were all welcoming.
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I'm really glad that I came aware while working in academia.
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It's like it's a really healthy environment for that.
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And I'm really proud of the work U of M is doing in the area of D.E.I.
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They created this initiative and it just it's skyrocketed at the university and it's done
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from the roots level.
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And so I actually served on the originating D.E.I. committee where we formed the strategy
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for D.E.I. at the institute.
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And so I was on that committee for a while and it was very interesting.
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Actually, I learned a lot about my own internal biases and we had a lot of great discussions,
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a lot of great dialogue, trainings and other things around forming this.
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And our leadership is they are allies.
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And so at the institute and at the university, but I will say strongly at the institute,
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so much so that they perform.
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They formed a position of D.E.I. director, which is unusual.
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And so they this person lives at the precipice of science and administration.
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And so they're able to communicate with both sides doing a phenomenal job.
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And so I was very involved with that.
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They do a lot of initiatives and activities.
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It's a very inclusive environment.
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Like it's almost like being in a sandbox where you get to play all the time and you get to
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you get to choose all the toys you want to play with.
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And that's all good.
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And nothing is nothing is off the table for that, which is really nice.
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And we really work hard to make sure it's inclusive at all levels.
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I was going to ask about that because so just in my experience dealing with the eye, because
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we had a director or officer or someone at a company that I tech company where I was
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at and I just recently took a storytelling certification class for auto guided autobiography.
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And there were some themes that now we're tying into D.E.I. because it's you know, it's
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now you know, on the forefront, people are addressing this now where they probably didn't
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address it before.
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Have you felt that because D.E.I. I my experience has been that it's it started primarily around
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racism and addressing racism.
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Do you feel like it is also addressing sort of gender identity, sexual orientation, identity
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issues as well?
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I mean, what has been your experience with that?
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It's mixed.
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OK, and I'm going to take it from two different perspectives.
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One is just from the perspective of activities at the university itself, like there's been
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a lot more racial exposure, you know, if you will.
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And but, you know, we we tend to take it from both from all angles at the institute.
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So we're really very hyper hyper conscious of it.
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I also work a lot with our trainees, so our graduate students and postdocs.
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And I will tell you, so in my work, I submit fellowships for them.
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And a lot of them are submitting to D.E.I. at, you know, fellowships and, you know, and
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for the federal government.
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And unfortunately, the Fed, I have to walk them through this right in terms of what's
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required, what's needed and what the eligibility criteria is.
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And the federal felt the federal criteria does not recognize LGBTQ as a diversity criteria
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in these fellowship applications.
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And I think that's really missing the mark, you know, and and I share that with the trainees,
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you know, but I'm still required to adhere to the terms and conditions to have their
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fellowship awarded and reviewed and potentially awarded.
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And so it's it's delicate to walk through and we try to find the right fit for them
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in terms of whether they meet any of the other criteria.
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So I think I think I think it's I think it's a struggle and it's going to be a struggle
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for a while.
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And I think, you know, it's there's so much happening right now on the political spectrum,
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like in other states, like we hear this about we hear this at conferences from other research
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administrators that like how they're trying to deal with all of these issues in their
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state where where they live in a state where they're not even allowed to have discussions
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about the IAEA.
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And University of Michigan is like, no, we're doing it.
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And and I'm so proud of that, like they're not caving to any kinds of political pressures.
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But I think I think Michigan's gone a little blue and overall, so I think that's a good
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thing.
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You know, that was definitely something we talked about before moving here, too, and
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whether that would be a concern for us.
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And you know, and we're here because of family and affordability, frankly.
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And you know, you live in the Boston area, you know.
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And so but mostly family and the lifestyle is is is really nice in the Midwest.
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I'm not missing Boston traffic.
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Sorry, friends.
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And and it's what do you mean?
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I love my 10 minute commute to work.
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You know, it's it's not so bad.
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And you know, but it's just things are a little just neighborly in the Midwest is, I think
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it's a very different approach to things.
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And I think here in Michigan, it's it's evolved a lot.
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It's changed a lot.
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And people's perspectives have changed a lot.
27:53
And I think you have to be in for the long haul with these issues, you know, and there
27:58
will be there will be setbacks.
28:01
And then just to stay strong through them, I think is really important.
28:05
And to be engaged as much as possible.
28:08
I think that's really important.
28:09
Yeah.
28:10
Yeah.
28:11
I mean, I think thank you for saying all of that, because it sounds like, you know, here's
28:16
a university that's trying to do the right thing.
28:19
But you know, sometimes when you're an organization that has some sort of federal grants and sort
28:26
of those those ties back to federal regulations, it becomes dicey.
28:33
I remember a situation I was working for this company that's very, very welcoming, very
28:39
open, like had, you know, a LGBTQ ERG.
28:45
Like it was just a really open and we wanted to do a presentation as as the group.
28:52
And because there was some sort of regulation, because the company was taking federal had
29:01
federal contracts of some sort and somehow were tied to this, they we weren't allowed
29:07
to have the training because it was an LGBTQ type thing.
29:12
And our one of our folks that are running for president was president at the time.
29:21
And that was a big reason why.
29:24
But you know, I can see sort of that, you know, organizations really have to walk the
29:30
line between being inclusive and being tied to, you know, outside agencies and policies.
29:41
So that that's tricky stuff.
29:46
You know, I I follow obviously all the news and and everything that's happening in the
29:52
LGBTQ community.
29:53
Obviously, I have people in my life that I love that are impacted by by these things.
29:59
You know, it's my opinion that LGBTQ community is remains under attack across the globe.
30:05
Countries are tightening anti gay laws.
30:07
Pride events are being warned of terror attacks.
30:09
Couples are suing over transgender worker protections and gay couples are being denied
30:14
health benefits for IVF.
30:17
It's you know, it's just really scary.
30:19
And it speaks to why we all need to do things like vote, use your voice, address the injustices
30:28
to try to make change any way we can.
30:33
When it comes to social justice, I mean, you spoke a little bit about it in your work.
30:39
But when it comes to social justice, are there any other LGBTQ related issues that you're
30:44
pretty passionate about?
30:45
Yeah.
30:46
So first of all, I want to say that, yeah, it's it's scary now.
30:51
Like times are really scary.
30:53
There's a rise of nationalism and patriotism.
30:59
And I'm probably mispronouncing that, but that's okay.
31:03
But you get the point.
31:04
And then and a real concerted effort to attack the LGBTQ community, both abroad and here
31:12
in the US.
31:14
And and that's been going on for a while now.
31:18
It's I must feel like, you know, there was such a strong movement of feminism, feminism,
31:23
and I'm going to play off of this, that this propelled us into, you know, women's rights,
31:33
the ability to control your body, you know, voting credit.
31:37
I mean, that's only since the 70s.
31:39
You know, women can buy houses, women are CEOs running for president.
31:43
They're president of some countries.
31:45
Lucky them, you know.
31:47
And then, you know, there was so much progression in the world that those that don't agree with
31:54
it, I think had a lot of fear and couldn't handle it.
31:57
And now they're desperately trying to claw all of that back.
32:01
And I would say the best thing I do as a member of the community is to be open.
32:13
I stand strong.
32:14
I do not go in the closet.
32:15
I stand for who I am.
32:19
You know, other people be damned.
32:20
I'm sorry if that's a swear word on your podcast.
32:24
I'm not going to use the other word I thought of.
32:29
But, you know, I mean, yeah, so, you know, I think it's really important just to be open
32:36
and not to be afraid, not to live in like give into that fear and go back into hiding.
32:42
I mean, that's number one.
32:44
And then to fight for your rights.
32:46
And there are lots of ways to do that.
32:49
You know, we certainly support financially different activities and different organizations.
32:58
And then, you know, I'm not adverse and have not been adverse at different times to calling
33:04
up our local politicians and stating my opinions.
33:08
You know, what you do here in this podcast is supporting.
33:12
You're doing that in social media.
33:15
In my social media presence, I share that I'm married.
33:20
You know, my wife doesn't share because of the line of work that she's in, but that's
33:24
a whole other conversation.
33:26
You know, but and I have friends that do as well that are in the community.
33:30
They're very open about it.
33:32
We're very open about sharing issues or different likes on social media.
33:37
I tend to I'm a photographer, so I tend to share a lot of nature photos and, you know,
33:44
and spread love on social media and them.
33:47
Thank you.
33:48
And do my very nice music out on TikTok and other other social media platforms.
33:55
But I think I think it's really the number one thing you can do is to stay open and then
34:00
the then and then get into involved up to the level of activity that you can support,
34:06
you know, and even if it makes you uncomfortable, like in it and especially if it makes you
34:10
uncomfortable, not if it makes you unsafe.
34:13
There's a difference.
34:14
Like if you're uncomfortable about something, it's always good to explore what that is that
34:18
you're uncomfortable about.
34:19
That's where growth comes in.
34:21
But if you're if you're feeling unsafe, that's a different story.
34:26
Right.
34:27
Right.
34:28
Yeah, that's important to take care of yourself.
34:33
So you're a photographer, you're a firm mama, you are a musician.
34:40
And I've been seeing you on social playing your guitar at I think I saw you playing at
34:48
like a retirement home or assisted living.
34:51
I saw it at like a gosh, it was like a farmers market or something like that.
34:59
It was like, how cool is that?
35:02
And I've heard you.
35:03
So I know how talented you are and and how much joy that brings you.
35:09
Do you participate in any groups or courses or choirs?
35:17
I know that there's there's one in your area.
35:20
It's called the Out Loud Chorus, a member of the Gala Choruses that are national.
35:27
There's a bunch of them all over the country.
35:30
And a lot of the members are from the LGBTQ community.
35:33
So but I didn't know, like, do you participate in anything like that?
35:37
No, I so I don't know that I have time.
35:41
So but it gave me.
35:44
Yeah.
35:45
I really I mean, it's it's really a wonderful organization.
35:49
And they've been on campus.
35:50
So I have seen that.
35:51
And unfortunately, that didn't align with our plans for me to go to their most recent.
35:56
They performed just a couple of weeks ago.
35:58
And so but they perform all over the place.
36:02
And I know we did partake in a lot of events when we lived in Western Mass.
36:06
We had more time then.
36:08
I'm really busy between work and photography and writing and, you know, all my other activities.
36:16
I do perform.
36:17
Yes, the farmers markets are apparently my gig lately.
36:21
That's new for me to put myself out there as a musician.
36:25
And so that's been fun to explore.
36:30
And the in the assisted living home, we I do that with a friend of mine.
36:36
So we call ourselves.
36:37
She's trouble.
36:38
We're a duo.
36:40
And so she she plays piano and I sing and play guitar.
36:43
And it's a wonderful gift.
36:45
So we were originally going there for her mom.
36:48
Her mom was a resident there and then her mom passed.
36:51
And so we continue to honor her by doing these performances.
36:55
So I performed Mother's Day and then Father's Day.
36:58
But I'm thinking about what activities I could possibly do as well.
37:03
But one thing I am open is when I'm talking with people or, you know, if they're asking
37:08
me about myself or my life as a musician, even when I'm at the farmers markets, I share
37:14
openly about being gay and being married.
37:17
And you know, and I leave that up to them to, you know, to process.
37:22
And I find that most people are welcoming.
37:24
You know, that's not an issue or concern.
37:27
So you you said at the end of the previous question, you said there's a difference between
37:33
feeling uncomfortable and feeling unsafe and to not participate in things that feel unsafe.
37:42
You know, we may have some listeners who are unsure or questioning or maybe not feeling
37:47
supported in their circles.
37:51
What should they do?
37:52
What kind of advice can you give them just from your own sort of experiences?
37:57
Well, first of all, I want to say two things.
38:02
You're not alone and you are loved.
38:06
And it may not be by the people that you think you should be.
38:09
And I will say just from all of my childhood trauma and every everything that I had to
38:13
deal with in terms of my my family, the picture can evolve.
38:19
I have a lot of family in my life and and have since since I took my journey down the
38:26
twelve steps and mainly because that's where I get a lot of support is from my family.
38:35
And they love me for who I am, you know, and but if you're feeling like you need additional
38:42
support, there are so many organizations out there.
38:45
They're like a Google search away.
38:47
There's many national organizations, GLAAD, PFLAG.
38:51
I'm going to forget all of the acronyms, but just, you know, do a Google search.
38:56
You'll find many of them.
38:57
Many of them have trauma centers.
39:00
We have friends of ours that they're they've been married a long time and they are currently
39:10
managing their child who is transitioning.
39:15
And as of as an LGBTQ family, right?
39:18
Like, you know, and and they're they're a lesbian couple and they're trying to figure
39:23
out and navigate all this and do it in a way that's healthy for them and for their child.
39:28
And so it's been really interesting to have them share that with us as a couple and to
39:35
watch them experience that.
39:38
And so and they too, you know, even they've been even though they have been married and
39:45
been out for a long, long time, they sought help and needed help in that situation.
39:51
So so, you know, when I say there's a difference between feeling uncomfortable and feeling
39:55
unsafe, like, you know, there's there's a lot of unsafe situations, you know, in life.
40:02
And, you know, and many of them, you know, they require action to get out of.
40:08
And so take an action for yourself and and reach out to any one of these organizations,
40:17
you know, and many, many are just a Zoom call away even, you know, which is nice to get
40:21
a person face to face.
40:23
And and safety is first with all of these organizations.
40:27
So, you know, and confidentiality.
40:30
So they will keep your information confidential until you are ready to reveal it as it should
40:36
be.
40:37
Mm hmm.
40:38
One of the the organization that we support this time of year and throughout the year,
40:43
different times of year is the Trevor Project because they deal with, you know, the youth
40:49
suicide suicidality and, you know, and they have so much programming and they do they
40:55
have a very tight security system for anyone who might be researching or learning, you
41:04
know, and in some countries, people can't find this website because it's not allowed.
41:11
So they do what they do a lot of really wonderful work.
41:15
So, yeah, we we we're interested in travel and we've expressed or just certain countries
41:20
we will never travel to.
41:22
We will never feel safe.
41:24
You don't need to name them all.
41:25
You can Google those two.
41:26
But and states and there's many states that aren't safe.
41:31
So some of my young people, we are very happy living in the New England states where we
41:37
are, you know, we we live in Massachusetts and we're probably going to move to Connecticut.
41:42
And it's also a very safe state.
41:44
So yeah, yeah, it's that's just the reality of this lifestyle that we need to live.
41:53
It is.
41:54
And and, you know, my wife and I have chatted that if we ever felt unsafe here, if tides
41:59
ever turned here in Michigan and we felt unsafe, we would gladly move back to New England,
42:04
you know, which would be great.
42:06
I would get to see all of my peeps more often.
42:08
That's right.
42:09
Yes, except on instead of just on Facebook.
42:13
Right.
42:14
For sure.
42:15
So great.
42:17
Anything else you want to add before we wrap it up?
42:21
Yeah, I just want to emphasize again, just sorry if you hear my dog's back barking in
42:26
the background here.
42:27
I just wanted to emphasize to anyone, you know, becoming aware or or going through or,
42:35
you know, just again, you're not alone.
42:38
You're not unloved, you know, and you there are plenty of people to help and there are
42:46
plenty of resources, just, you know, quick text or a phone call away and just just reach
42:53
out and, you know, and and stay safe and stay strong.
43:01
You know, the world is funny.
43:03
You know, this all of this could be, you know, a sound bite a year from now after the election
43:09
here in the states.
43:10
We don't know.
43:11
We hope so.
43:12
But there are many people now that are really advocating for for our progressive movement
43:21
and you know, that are wealthy people, which is great because we need a lot of that.
43:27
And unfortunately, that's what it takes for some of the messaging here.
43:31
And I would say, you know, do what you can to support those initiatives and and activities
43:37
and as well, you know, any activities in your community as well.
43:41
So I think that's it.
43:44
Thank you for having me.
43:45
This was so much fun.
43:46
Yeah, I know this is all the time we have for today.
43:50
But, you know, just hearing your story and getting to kind of talk about sort of the
43:54
reality of the world that we live in, but that there are resources out there, I think
44:00
was super helpful.
44:01
So thank you so much for being on the show.
44:03
Thank you.
44:04
And to our listeners, whether you hear us locally from the BTV studios in Bedford, Massachusetts
44:09
or across the globe on such podcast channels as Spotify, Apple Podcasts or Amazon Prime.
44:16
Thanks for listening.
44:17
We hope you enjoyed this episode and we'll see you next time.
44:20
Happy storytelling.