Latest / No Time to Waste Podcast - w Marcus Murray / Arsenal Strike Against the Philosophy of BLAME

Transcript

Arsenal Strike Against the Philosophy of BLAME · No Time to Waste Podcast - w Marcus Murray

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I want to welcome you out to the No Time to Waste podcast studio.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Marcus Murray, and I am your guide for this particular episode.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so excited that you tuned in where we begin to break down and discuss one of the most diabolical behavioral minions that can actually lead to ongoing uh difficulty in trying to succeed in life.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And before we get there to talk about this one, well, I may as well tell you up front, the minion is blame, B-L-A-M-E.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Blame.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Blame is a tool that is oftentimes used by people that want to uh avoid the issues of the day.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: So if there's something going on, or if there is a calamity or circumstance or situation, our current culture is teaching people that blame is the appropriate strategy to use when facing a circumstantial issue, a hardship, a crisis, any type of setback.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: But in reality, if you are to be truly successful and to be considered successful by others, it is incumbent upon us that we accept full and total responsibility for everything that goes right and everything that goes wrong.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you think about it, it's very easy to take all the credit when things are wonderful and everything's extraordinary, but it takes an extraordinary person with great intestinal character and fortitude to be able to bear the weight and the and the burden of responsibility.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: So what I'm finding in obviously talking to tons of people, assisting them in navigating various areas of their lives, be it ministry, social organizations, different things, I'm noticing a common thread among people that achieve extraordinary success and people that have moderate success and people that just are not successful.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the fact of it, and this common theme that I'm noticing is blame.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when you get to this point that we are in life where you've got more years behind you than ahead of you, all of a sudden it becomes clear that there is a reason that those that succeed succeed and those that don't don't.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's got a lot to do with behavior and temperament and all those different things.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, regardless of what common culture says, you cannot uh uh circumvent the reality that you ultimately will bear the burden of whatever the outcome may be in your life.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now, just for perspective, let's talk about it.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Someone sent me an email asking, what is my definition of success?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I was so glad to get that question.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's excellent.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Success looks different for different people at different stages in life.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: There is a stage in life where uh we're interested in accumulating and gathering and and and getting more and more of different things, or climbing higher and higher on the um career ladder or the socioeconomic ladder, where that's what life is about, the climb, the push, the grind.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And as people accomplish different levels along that journey, they can consider that success.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: You also reach a point in life where the majority of our listeners are, where you've been there and done that.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: You've had the nice car, you've had the houses, you've had a variety of things.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And just like Solomon, who wrote in the book of Ecclesiastes, you actually now realize vanity, vanity, vanity, all is vanity.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Here is why.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: You can't do anything with it.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's why envy, which we'll talk about in a different episode, is one of those other behavioral minions that's extremely destructive, and we cannot allow them to survive in our lives at this point because we truly have no time to waste.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just dissect this blame because we're part of a culture that is teaching people that blaming is the appropriate tool to use in the recognition of a hurdle, obstacle, or some moment of discomfort.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of looking at it as an opportunity to learn, grow, change.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, let's take the easy route.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let's blame.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my goal here today is that no one will be able to use that tool against you ever again.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason why it's just like fear, which is false evidence appearing real.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's one of the uh acronyms.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to imagine we're going to break down blame and let's just take it apart piece by piece.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And let's start with the letter B in the word blame, B-L-A-M-E.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: A belief that someone intentionally caused your experience.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you think about that, that's the equivalent of a person parking in a parking lot at a grocery store and believing that the cart that came flying down the aisle and smashes right into the side of the car, either denting the car or chipping the paint.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're going to blame the person whose cart got away.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's their fault.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: In reality, there's a reality that we take certain risks.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: It just is what it is.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: We chose the parking space that was the closest to uh the cart rack where all the excess carts go when people have emptied their carts.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: They put them in this rack.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we chose that space right next to it.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And can we honestly blame the person for the dent or the chip paint because it was their cart?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: How about consider this?
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I shouldn't have parked there.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I should have parked farther away, or I could have done this.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: How about looking at what we could have done differently?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like um everything that we have done around our home or in our offices, we have uh a couple of businesses and and locations that have to be managed.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when something goes wrong with a contractor, some type of repair, or they use the wrong uh item, for example, in one of our locations, they're doing painting.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'm I'm responsible if they use the wrong color paint.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: I can't put that burden on the painter.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason I can't, well, I could because common culture says blame everyone for everything.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: But am I actually going to believe that they intentionally um caused this experience that I'm currently going through the wrong color paint?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: How about I wasn't clear?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: How about I take ownership?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: But let's get to the next letter in the word blame, the L, limiting your power to shape your future.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever we blame others, we are immediately limiting our own personal power.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it is your personal power that gives you the ability to even get up out of bed.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: It gives you the ability to forge through, the ability to go out and tackle the weeds that may be growing in your yard.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: It gives you the ability to go and do the laundry, to make the bed, to actually take initiative.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: So we can't blame, otherwise, we inadvertently limit our own power.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the personal power that's within us is actually necessary to propel us.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: But let's go to the next letter.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: B belief, L, limiting, and A, assuming.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Assuming someone deliberately chose to create your circumstance.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's heavy.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: We we find that um I'm a parent, as many of you are that are tuned in.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: I have three sons, and can they blame me?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they could, they could blame me for anything, but is that based on an assumption that I deliberately chose to create their circumstance?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't even make sense.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Who in your life deliberately chose to create your circumstance?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Can we honestly blame them for our circumstance?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: My mom and my dad, they did, I'm certain, the best that they could with the tools that they were working with.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: My mom uh was 19 years old, my dad was 19 years old.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Can I honestly blame them for any of my deficiencies or uh failures?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think that would be inappropriate because now I would be putting the burden of my personal development on two 19-year-olds.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: How much sense does that make?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Likewise, what if I had been raised by my grandparents and my grandparents were in their late 50s when I was born?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: So would that mean that I can put the responsibility of my personal insufficiency on my grandparents who were elderly or aged?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now they were my age.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: My grandparents were my age when I was born.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Can I put that responsibility on them when they're now thinking about their future, their retirement, how things are going to work out?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Wouldn't that be narrow?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: It and it doesn't make sense.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: But rarely do we question what has become a cultural norm.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: When things become norm in the culture, we stop questioning it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: But the problem is it makes no sense.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's take a look at the next letter in blame.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: B belief, L limiting, a assuming, M.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Manipulating current reality by deflecting situational ownership.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Blame.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: So one component of blaming is to actually manipulate, it's a manipulation of current reality by deflecting situational ownership.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I got a flat tire on my car while driving down the road.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm now going to blame you because you told me to go to Best Buy to get the tires.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: So the problem with my tires is related to your recommendation for me to go to Best Buy where there was a tire sale.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that I was riding on the side of the road or that I went into an area near the median that I shouldn't have been driving in, nor could it be the fact that I was driving in some neighborhoods where the streets weren't as clean as they could have been.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's your fault.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: It can't be my fault.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: But look at how limited and small I seem if I now deflect by trying to switch and and deny situational ownership.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I own this.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And when you own it, you get a chance to take part, of course, responsibility for the problem, but you also have full responsibility for the victory and the breakthrough that comes as a result of your perseverance, right?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So in today's culture, though, we have a group, huge swaths of people that have been conditioned to blame others for everything that goes wrong, but give no one credit for assisting them in succeeding.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: That, my friend, is twisted.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Equally, one of the things that I've learned to do over these years is to accept full responsibility for things that go wrong in my life.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, I honor those ever so small contributions that others have made that led to the progression in my life, that led to the transformation in my life.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, there's one last letter in the word blame, and it's the E.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Expecting that you'll be exonerated from responsibility and consequence.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Blame in it within it carries this really covert expectation that somehow you'll be exonerated from responsibility and consequence by simply shifting the issue and deflecting it over to someone different.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: But that expectation is false.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Those of us that have been able to achieve any degree of success in life, in life and business, and faith and family and finances, all of us know when you hear a person blaming, it actually is the yardstick that actually indicates their height.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember when we were children and we all had someone in the family that would stand us against a doorpost or doorframe and mark off the height that we achieved at each age, each level?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that was so exciting.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I remember going to my aunt's house and she had a little mark on the door to show me how tall I was.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: The last time I was here, I was here, and there's the mark.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: And the next time I'm here, and the next time I'm there, and I'd be so excited to see it.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know what's interesting?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Without saying a word, wisdom tells us when we look at those that so readily and frequently distribute and disperse blame, we understand how tall they actually are.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: We have a responsibility, those of us that have been able to reach this beautiful point in life where there are more years behind us than ahead of us, to assist those that just don't understand the power of their words and their refusal to accept responsibility.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: We have a wonderful opportunity to assist them in really being able to achieve a new height in their lives and in their journeys.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I would share with you that just like even in this very brief moment while we're here together, I forgot to turn the ringer off on my cell phone.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you heard a moment ago.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: So should I deflect and now start to blame?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Should I say that uh my co-producer intentionally uh did not remind me to turn off my cell phone so that I would have that embarrassing moment?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but wouldn't that then limit my power over handling the circumstance the way that I did with great ease?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or should I assume that my co-producer deliberately chose to provide me with a cell phone that still had the ringer on?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or should I try to manipulate the reality of what you just witnessed by deflecting the responsibility onto someone else as though I don't own it?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I expecting that you will somehow not put that on me because I've now pointed that way?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: The funny thing about pointing is it never works.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: It actually says a great deal about our character.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: In maximizing the years that remain in our lives, character development and maximization is going to be critical.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that every hurdle and every obstacle that you faced in the past was only allowed to strengthen you for the journey ahead.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: I honestly know without a doubt, your ability to transform and reinvent yourself at this stage in life will be absolutely critical and central to your future success.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: What does success look like when you're 60 plus, 70 plus, 80 plus?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like no worries.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like when you've done a job well and you no longer have to strive and and and and and grind, when you can actually enjoy, not stop, but enjoy.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: There is a misnomer about retirement, and I spoke about it on an earlier episode.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: There is the belief that we're supposed to stop.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: For some reason, at 60, 65 years old, the world is telling us we're supposed to stop and go sit down somewhere.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I completely disagree.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: We are in a capitalist culture, and capitalism actually rewards those that consistently contribute to the economy.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: As long as you find a need and you're able to meet that need, this type of economy rewards you.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: So do not look and think that you're too old.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're not.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: We are literally just getting started.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: I want to take a brief moment to thank our sponsor, Care Michigan.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Care Michigan is a medical case management and care coordination company located in the city of Troy.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: They specialize in working with individuals that have been severely injured in motor vehicle accidents.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: So if you or anyone you know has been severely injured in a motor vehicle accident, just reach out to Care Michigan and let them know that you heard about them on the No Time to Waste podcast.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for tuning in, and we look forward to seeing you on the next episode.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Make it a great one.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's go seize the day.