Latest / Petty and Unbothered / Healed and Unhinged #1 - AIO for feeling hurt after being excluded and AIO for enjoying my chocolate
Transcript
- Tita Lors: Yay. Welcome back everyone. This is the episode where we each bring a story from the internet Offer our thoughts and sometimes ridiculous suggestions for people who might need a Robin Axline: Oops. Tita Lors: little third party perspective. While one of us is actively a therapist, she is not your therapist. So keep that in mind. Take everything I say with a grain of salt, okay? Remember, this is a podcast and it's for entertainment and entertainment alone. Yes. Robin Axline: Yas Tita Lors: you know what I just realized that we never do when we do our intros? We never say, This is the petty and unbothered podcast Robin Axline: This is the Penny and Unbothered Podcast. Tita Lors: Okay. We should say that probably at the top to be like here this is what you're listening to. Yeah, but we we you know. We're working on it. Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: It's fine. It's cool. All right. Robin Axline: Yes, it's fine, it's cool. Tita Lors: Ha ha. Robin Axline: Anyway. Tita Lors: So are you feeling more healed or unhinged right now? Robin Axline: Phew. I think right now I'm feeling a bit unhinged. I'm gonna call them ball of energy. Just a lot of things swirling around. It's like we're it we're in deep summer and things are happening. Or at the time of this recording, end of summer. Sad. year. But yes, at this time I'm feeling a bit Woo unhinged. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah, same. There's a lot of stuff going on right now for like Ryan's work and I told him I'm probably gonna be anxious for the rest of the year in relation to that. Robin Axline: geez. Heads up. Tita Lors: Yeah, it's like good luck Enjoy this life. There's just like there's all these milestones along the way for the things that are coming up and every in between moment of uncertainty is just a lot of like waits, waiting to find out, waiting to do something, waiting to preparing to and just it's gonna be a lot of that. So I'm like, sorry. Unhinged energy this year. Yeah. And then also, as I've been telling you, I'm you know, hyper focused, manic energy right now. That I'm trying to take advantage of before the burnout. Yeah, Robin Axline: Right. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Rain it in for for just this amount of time. Tita Lors: exactly. before I hit the burnout. So a little unhinged. Maybe we can tap into our healed parts for a moment as we get into this segment and we talk about like and we try to you know take two different perspectives. Maybe give some advice on one hand that's a little healed and on the other hand that's more unhinged perhaps. Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Tita Lors: Read some unhinged comments. Although there's a lot of there's some good healed people out there. Robin Axline: Yes, they are. There are people like that out there, folks. Tita Lors: Yeah, okay. I'm gonna go first since I have two super short stories. Is that okay with you? Okay. Awesome. Robin Axline: Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm writing. Tita Lors: Let's jump right in. Here we go. I already have it, but I don't know what I did with it. Here we go. Found it! So this is on Reddit, R slash I the A Hole, Star Wars, is that like underscore, right? Cause I've been hearing people say ground score. What's the difference? Robin Axline: I don't know. I just say underline or but Tita Lors: okay. I know it's an underscore. Well, I'm gonna say underscore because that's yeah. Yeah. Okay, so Robin Axline: Or underscore, that's what I say. Underscore, but Tita Lors: it's star underscore wars underscore potato. And Robin Axline: My juice. Tita Lors: the title is A-I-T-A. I bought some very expensive chocolates for myself, but I'm being forced to share them with my family. Robin Axline: Okay. Tita Lors: Right? Yeah. I know. Kinda yeah. Ugh. Okay. Anyways, I, 16 male, bought a small box of chocolates this morning with my own money. To clarify, there are six chocolates in the box, and the box cost 15 euro. That's a lot, right? What's the conversion on that? Robin Axline: It's like it sh depends, but it's just about a dollar a chocolate. Tita Lors: Dollar a chocolate? Robin Axline: no no no no these are six chocolates. Tita Lors: Yeah, there's six chocolates and it's fifteen euro. What's the conversion rate? Robin Axline: Well depends on what kind of chocolates they are. 'Cause when I was in London it was the dollar was a little more powerful, but Tita Lors: 15 euro is $17.35. So $17 for a box Robin Axline: Yeah. Okay. Yep. Tita Lors: of six? Robin Axline: Yeah. I mean it must be like really good chocolate. Tita Lors: Yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna say I wouldn't spend that much money, but like you're 16. Let's do math. I know, that's almost three dollars. Two dollars and eighty-nine cents per piece of chocolate. I know, so freaking delicious chocolate. Not like Hershey's soured chocolate. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Robin Axline: god. Yeah, plasticky or whatever I was saying before. Bernie, that's what I was saying, Bernie Sanders. So Tita Lors: Yeah. Okay. So fifteen euros is a good amount. I was and still am intending to eat them all because I paid for them with my own money. However My mother specifically is trying to force me to share them with the rest of my family and says that me eating them by myself is selfish. But knowing my family, I might only get to eat one or two out of the six chocolates. I tried to explain that I bought them with my own money and I wanted to try all the flavors that I chose. Anyways, we got into a fight and I decided to hide my chocolates for now, out of fear of my family eating them. Am I being selfish? And then he said PS, the chocolates are from Monpur. Does that mean anything to you? Robin Axline: dang. These are like definitely like buying myself a treat kind of chocolates. La la. yeah, colo yeah, huh. These are like yeah, super artismal for the listener at home. Tita Lors: Yeah, dude, this is not just your everyday run of the mill like chocolate bar thing. Robin Axline: Ethically sourced cacao, art seasonal production. Yeah, no. Award winning. All right. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. It's in Spanish and I don't actually understand what I'm clicking. Asect aceptar todo. That was horrible Spanish. Robin Axline: it's the guys that made it are Mont Marian Montero and Borgia Perez, so it's a fusion of their last two names. Tita Lors: I do. Okay, so he wants to like try all the different flavors. Robin Axline: Yeah, that makes sense. I mean there's like mojito white chocolate, curry chocolate. wow. Okay. I now I'm picking it up. All right. Tita Lors: You don't I bet you. Somewhere, someone's sourcing it. Yeah, okay. So he's a sixteen year old. I'm assuming when he says my own money Robin Axline: That's wild. Yeah. Tita Lors: He's saying I paid for this with my own money that I worked for, right? Like I worked really hard. I or I saved this money. There were specific things that I wanted to try. This is like two plus dollars per like per bite. I'm s like you're not even getting a full chocolate bar. Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: I'm assuming it's literally just one little piece of like bite that you're getting. Robin Axline: It's these little truffles I can see is probably what he bought. Tita Lors: Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too, right? So Yeah, man. I get it. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, we're really getting it. The whole picture. Hmm. Not so sure, honestly. Like, it seems like a like I was saying, like a thing that you're buying for yourself. However if it was like somebody who you knew like appreciated the finer things and you took a bite of it and you thought it was like so awesome and you wanted to share, then I I do like to share stuff like that. So I might take a bite and if it was somebody cool then I'd be like, my gosh. All right, you gotta try this. Tita Lors: Yeah, but you're offering because Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: you enjoy the idea of like someone experiencing this with you. Yeah. Robin Axline: Yeah. So that's a bit different than people wanting to just eat your ha candy. Tita Lors: Yeah, like people saying, Ooh, you bought expensive chocolates, gimme. Everyone should get a share of the expensive chocolates that you got. Robin Axline: And it and it you know, the first thing I thought of was like, well, how did he earn this money? But it's kinda like that's not even the point, you know. Tita Lors: It's not, yeah. Yeah, exactly. and that's that I mean that's what I'm thinking too. That's not the point how he got he either worked for it or he saved it or he scraped up money off the floor like somewhere. That's what I used to do when I was a kid. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You know, went through the cushions of the couch. Robin Axline: Yeah, like Charlie in the chocolate factory, he went found a dollar in the gutter or something. Yeah. Went through everybody's pants pockets in the laundry. Tita Lors: I know, did the laundry just to make sure nobody had money inside their pockets. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't matter. He Yeah, go ahead. Robin Axline: Yeah, or I thought no, I was just gonna say like I thought maybe it was like allowance and the parents were kind of ridiculous and saying like, well I gave you this money so I should have I don't know. That's just a scenario. Yeah. Tita Lors: No, 'cause he worked for it. Yeah, right. Like, even if that was the case, you don't get to tell them how they spend their money and then you don't get to like force them to share. Yeah. Exactly. Like and that's another thing too. In this house at least, we don't specifically necessarily force the kids to share. Right? Robin Axline: Hmm. Tita Lors: Like, yeah, it's your toy. If you out of the kindness of your heart, you want to be generous. Be generous. But if you're sitting there and you're actively playing with something and you're not ready to be done with your turn, then w I'm not gonna sit there and be like, you have to share. Robin Axline: Yeah, I s that seems like pretty fair, I think. It's good to know how to share, but yeah, if you don't want Tita Lors: Yeah, right, like you don't want to. It is. Robin Axline: to. Tita Lors: Yeah. Share, take tur. I think more than sharing, it's like taking turns, being thoughtful, being generous, being kind. Like that's really what we're saying to kids when we say share. Be mindful. But this guy, if he picked out each Iff I'm like thinking when 'cause I used to buy myself like boxes with different bonbons in them too. If I didn't have extras or even La Crusade, like if it's a a box of macarons, like No Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: It's literally mine! It's so expensive. What do you mean? If I don't like that flavor, I'll give it to you. Fine. Whatever. But I picked these out. It sounds like he specifically picked it out. So do you have Robin Axline: I yes. Tita Lors: any so sorry, first you say what you're gonna say. Robin Axline: no, I was just saying like it's crazy to think that like you couldn't share with your family that you bought these things and not have them or and then it has to be that they are like calling you selfish and that you have to share seems wild. Tita Lors: Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they can't just be happy for you. Right. Like that's amazing. You were able to buy these really expensive chocolates on your own. You know, I w we're kind of getting into the advice part of this, right? Like a the healed yeah. But we'll get into it, right? So like the Robin Axline: Yeah, that's why I was like Okay. Tita Lors: he healed version of me is like Hoping and wishing that the parents were more like proud of him. Look at you, you worked hard, you got these chocolates, these treats for yourself. I'm so happy for you. You know, perhaps we'll take some time for ourselves and bring us, we'll go get some chocolates and treats for us and the rest of the family as well. You know, let us know which ones were your favorite snackies or your favorite flavors. And and then maybe with that, like that would leave him feeling more generous of like wanting to like break off a piece and like, you know, well I wanted to try them, so maybe like I'll take a bite and give it to you, or you know, maybe next time I'll buy another box and I'll share that with the family. Right? And the more unhinged part of me. It's like, nah man, take that box, sit in your living room and eat it in front of the Or like every time you try a flavor, just talk about it. man. This flavor, let me tell you, it was so good. Robin Axline: Huh. Tita Lors: It was creamy, just melted in your mouth. Like that curry, that spice really just Robin Axline: Chef's kiss. Yeah. Make like a big like production out of it. Tita Lors: Mm mm, so good. Like what's her face? Meg, What movie is that where she's like faking an orgasm? Meg Ryan. Mmm. Yes. Robin Axline: when Harry met Sally I'll take I'll have what she's I mean. Tita Lors: Yes. Okay. huh. Robin Axline: Yeah. I know. Or like after dinner you could be like, I suppose it's dessert time and then just get it out and eat for dess for dessert. So funny. Tita Lors: Yes. That's a good one. Yep. But I could also see like parents being really unhinged about this too. Robin Axline: yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Tita Lors: Like going in and stealing the chocolate or going and buying something else that they know he likes and not letting him eat it. Robin Axline: yeah. Yeah. I could too I mean like one of my first reactions was like how sometimes not exactly this scenario, but my family had those unhinged moments where they'd be like, you're being selfish for having that all to yourself. Or Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: like you have enough of this, why don't you give it to everybody? And So I I definitely can feel that feeling, especially with like a big family, how like much like this like weird guilt stuff is like Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: even if it's not super blatant, you feel it in a a way that you feel like you almost have to like hide it or like not even tell them that you got it because they'll make you feel bad about it. And so it's unfortunate, but that's not unusual in some cases. Yeah. He saw that they were interested in the chocolates, you could see it as a bit of a win because it's an maybe it's an interest that you had that you kind of wanted them to know that like you're interested in fine chocolates or that kind of thing and like that they're paying attention to that about you might feel kind of good in a way like you could instead of them just like ignoring you. Tita Lors: Yeah, maybe. Robin Axline: let's see what other things I can think of. I yes. Tita Lors: Yeah. Or to like pivot a little, do you think he's like his question is, am I being selfish? And also, am I the asshole? Robin Axline: Okay, yeah. I don't think I mean, especially I think maybe at the beginning I kind of thought, like, wow, he really can't share chocolates with his family. That's kind of weird. But then once like especially when price became a factor and like the artisanal part of it definitely doesn't feel selfish to me. It sounds like, like I was saying, it sounds like he it was something that he was looking forward to, maybe, or something he heard about, and he wanted to experience it for himself. And I don't think there's any shame in that. Tita Lors: Yeah. I think he's yes, being selfish, like maybe controversy and saying controversial and saying it that way. He is being selfish. He's not sharing. He's not letting anybody else have any. And what of it? Right. Yeah. Robin Axline: Mm. Right. Yeah. Tita Lors: Like I think we too often we tell people, you're not supposed to be selfish. You're not allowed to be selfish. Don't, you know, always share, always give and blah blah blah. And yeah, be giving, be generous, be kind, but not at the cost of your own joy, your happiness, your your well, right? Like if it's outside of your capacity to do this, then do not burn yourself to keep somebody else warm. Right? Don't take from your joy to make somebody else happier. If you are going to share, it's because of the example that you gave earlier, right? Like because I have this abundance of joy and like excitement for this experience that I want to share that with you. Right, but outside of that, yeah, be selfish. And there's nothing wrong with being selfish. People can be some most people, most kind, generous people can afford to be more selfish and should probably be more selfish. Robin Axline: No, it's true, it's really build is like a bad word, but sometimes that's not particularly the case. Or most cases probably. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Seriously. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I have a lot of feelings about like, especially when it's used in therapy. 'cause people have these icky feelings connected to being selfish and being self centered because it's very like, narcissistic or bad, bad, tisk tisk. But it's not like Robin Axline: Ha. Tita Lors: You should probably focus more on yourself sometimes because if you're too busy trying to like save somebody else's burning house but your house is also on fire, what the fuck are we doing here? Robin Axline: Yeah. No, absolutely. 'Cause like some I mean, I okay, I can't think of a better cliche right now, but like do the oxygen mask first kind of thing. yeah. Tita Lors: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like being self-centered and a little bit selfish is actually what we sometimes need if we want to be helpful, if we want to be generous. Because otherwise that generosity is gonna start to taste like resentment. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. So read Robin Axline: Oof. Too real. Yeah. Tita Lors: it, deemed him not the asshole. Yes, and then there was, hold on. I thought I like highlighted it, but apparently he didn't. There was a comment in here and I was like, wow, you're so healed. Let me see if I can find it. Okay. Porcelain Thunders said it has a negative connotation. so f Ghosty sixteen said being selfish sometimes isn't inherently bad. And then Porcelain Thunder said it has a negative connotation, but in fact, if we weren't a little selfish, and then in parentheses an appropriate amount, we'd be dead. For example, one would give all of their food away to the hungry and by doing so would instead starve themselves by being too selfless. And then Nico Mansion Ethics. I'm saying that all wrong. Vices and virtues, another example. Courage is a great virtue, but too much courage and one becomes reckless, which can result in losing their life. So so yeah, like I thought that was a really healed thought. Robin Axline: Yeah. Okay. That's good. Like we we were right on with that one. It sounds like that's Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Robin Axline: the consensus. Tita Lors: Yeah. Okay, that's my first story. Yeah. Yes. Robin Axline: Oof. Yeah first story. Tita Lors: All right, your turn. Robin Axline: shoot, okay. All right. So my unhinged and healed story. Tita Lors: And then if we have extra time, I'll do my my other story or just save it for next time. Robin Axline: so this is from R slash I Being Too Sensitive six days ago from Naive Internal 1300. I F twenty five overreacting for feeling hurt after being excluded from my boyfriend's M28 birthday dinner. So she's 25 and he's 28 and he is having a birthday dinner that she was excluded from. Tita Lors: invited to? That's why would you not want your partner at your birthday dinner? Yeah. Robin Axline: Seems bizarre already. Okay. my boyfriend's birthday is coming up, and his parents has always this is how it says, his parents has always invited me to every family lunch or dinner they have. Okay. We've been together for a while, so it was already understood that I'd be joining his birthday dinner too. The day before the dinner, my boyfriend texted me asking if it was okay that I didn't come this time. He said his sister had called him and mentioned that her in-laws would also be there and they felt awkward inviting someone outside the immediate family, which would be me. So the expected attendees were my boyfriend, his parents, his sister, his sister's husband, his sister's mother, and father-in-law. My boyfriend had a really hard time asking me because he genuinely wanted me to be there, and after all, it was his birthday. But when his sister requested it, he didn't really feel like he could say no. I also think part of it was because his sister was paying for the dinner. The day of the dinner was right. The day of the dinner was Yep. No, no, no. the day of the dinner was honestly difficult for me. I stayed home overthinking everything, wondering why was I the one who had to be excluded. I kept asking myself, am I really that awkward to have around? no. Then they posted photos from the dinner. What caught my attention was that the sisters in laws weren't even there. It ended up being just my boyfriend, his parents, his sister, and her husband. Ooh. That made me spiral even more because I couldn't understand why I was specifically asked not to come. The next day, my boyfriend and I met up. He felt really bad about everything and finally explained the real reason. dear. Tita Lors: Ugh, I knew there was something else. Actually, my initial prediction was like he they're trying to set him up with somebody else because they want it, they don't like the girlfriend, or like I for whatever reason. Or it's man. Yeah, Robin Axline: Yeah. It sounded fishy up top. Tita Lors: yeah. Okay, what's the real reason? Robin Axline: Okay, so rest of the story. s the real explain the real reason. Apparently his sister and her husband had an announcement they wanted to share, and they wanted it to be family only first. At that point, I had a r pretty good idea of what the announcement probably was. What I am struggling with isn't even the announcement itself. I understand wanting to tell immediate family first. What hurt me was that they chose to do it at my boyfriend's birthday dinner, which meant I had to be uninvited from an event that was supposed to celebrate him. It made me feel like I was the extra person who had to be removed to make room for that moment that even now. yes, gonna go ahead. Go ahead. No, no, no. Tita Lors: Ugh. You know what though? Sorry, really quick. Like that's not even what I'm mad about. I'm I would Robin Axline: Huh. Tita Lors: be so fucking pissed for my boyfriend. You just hijacked my birthday dinner, bitch, what? Robin Axline: Yeah, right? Tita Lors: This is my birthday dinner. If you wanna make a fucking announcement, do it on your own time during another time. Like, you set up a whole birthday dinner, I get it, you paid for this, blah, blah, blah, but this is not your birthday. It's mine. And since it's for me, I will invite whoever the hell I want to invite. The fuck? Robin Axline: Yeah, like what power does the sister have over him to make this kind of a choice? Tita Lors: She paid for it. Bitch, I don't care. Then it's not my birthday dinner. If it's not my birthday dinner, say so. Then it's fine. We don't have to label it that way. I'll have dinner with my partner and they don't have to feel hurt. And it is what it is. Because it that wasn't his birthday dinner. That was their baby announcement. Bitch. Robin Axline: Mm hmm. Mm-hmm. And also just a not even done with the story, but I was just thinking like he Tita Lors: Sorry. Robin Axline: I think in his thing, he could have just said, Well, I'll pay for her then, if that's the problem. I wouldn't be satisfied Tita Lors: Yes Yeah, if it's about that, but it Robin Axline: with that if I was the girlfriend, I'd be Well then bitch, why couldn't you pay for me? Tita Lors: Yeah, but like the the whole point is that it d it ended up I would be one mad I would be mostly mad for my partner because it wasn't even about him. It's like it's like an getting engaged at somebody else's wedding when you didn't ask for permission. Mm-hmm. Robin Axline: Oof, that is the worst. I have a bit of a story regarding something Tita Lors: Ha ha ha. Robin Axline: not as crazy but similar. Okay. Tita Lors: Ooh, okay. Let's finish the story. Robin Axline: Yeah yeah yeah. all right, so now okay. Even now I still think about it. I know it wasn't my event, and I know every family has different boundaries, but I can't shake the feeling of being excluded, especially since they always included me before. Am I valid for b feeling hurt or am I just being selfish and overthinking this? Too long didn't read. I was originally expected to attend my boyfriend's birthday dinner, but the day before I was asked not to come because my boyfriend's sister said that they wanted to be family only. I later found out it was because they wanted to make an announcement, which hurts. What hurts isn't that they wanted to announce something privately. It's that they chose my boyfriend's birthday dinner to do it, which meant I had to be excluded from celebrating his birthday. Am I valid for feeling hurt or am I just overreacting? The end. Tita Lors: I think she's mad for the wrong reasons. Robin Axline: Right. Tita Lors: Yeah, it wasn't. I I would like just immediately recategorize that in my brain. It's not his event. Right? Robin Axline: No, not at all. Tita Lors: She paid for it. She made an announcement. She decided who was going to be a part of that event. It wasn't his event. Robin Axline: That just gave me that ick, like a bad la Okay. Yeah, gross. Tita Lors: Ugh. Yeah, like could you imagine your brothers doing that to you? Robin Axline: No way at that one. Not a chance. I would be like, Tita Lors: Yeah. I Robin Axline: no. Tita Lors: Yeah. I couldn't even imagine you like allowing them to dictate whether or not Ian could come. Yeah. So one, I would be mad for my partner and then two, I would be like, You can't you don't have a backbone This is your event, if this is your event and you want me there, say so. Robin Axline: Right. Yeah. Like I it was such a thin excuse for him too. Well it's because Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Robin Axline: it it's family only and it's because my sister's paying for it. Both of those don't check out. Tita Lors: Yeah. I mean, I can accept the whole sister paying for it but Robin Axline: Yeah, and if it's like a serious relationship where she's always invited to their things a other times, Tita Lors: Yes. Robin Axline: then that's even more of a head scratcher. Tita Lors: Yeah, exactly. I would have so many not so kind feelings towards the sister. Robin Axline: Yeah, they ink. Tita Lors: Yeah. Like don't ask me to babysit. Like, I'm not part of your family. Robin Axline: Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. Tita Lors: Sorry, okay, I guess we're getting into the e the the advice part, like the unhinged part of me. Robin Axline: Yeah. I like how we both jumped into the unhinged on both of these, like right away. So Tita Lors: Make It's just You don't think I'm part of your family? You I'm not included in this. That's fine, but then don't ask me for help. Like don't come to me for things that you would go to for people that y that are in your inner circle. like if my boyfriend and I have a thing to do, well guess what? We're doing that thing. Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: Like Don't ask for help. I get it that that's your brother, but you hijacked his birthday for this whole event, right? Like I I would be so petty. I wouldn't take it out on the kids, really. Because I would actually probably want to babysit. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah. Tita Lors: But I'd be like, Mm, suddenly I'm part of the family. When you need help. Robin Axline: Yup, yup, yeah, now you come out of the woodwork. Tita Lors: And it's also interesting that both of our stories asked if they were being selfish. Both of our OPs. Yeah. Robin Axline: I I noticed that right when I read it. I was like, yeah, that's funny coincidence. Tita Lors: Yeah. So I mean, I it's an interesting question. I don't think it's like So that and that takes me to the healed version of my advice, I guess. Robin Axline: I know, me too. It's hard not to like go straight to also like this is kind of what he's the boyfriend is telling her is that family will probably take precedence over her feelings, in the future. So it's kind of like unfortunately I don't even think it's jumping to conclusions to kind of start revaluating your relationship and say, like, is this a deal breaker kind of because I don't know how much she expressed her feelings of being kind of cast aside. But some of it went a little dark when she was like, Am I really that weird to be around or awkward to be around? I was like, holy cow. Like like for her to jump to that is a little bit telling too about how she Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Robin Axline: operates in that relish perhaps. So the sister part is really messed up. And But it was for his birthday, so it's kinda like, dude, do you have a backbone or is this actually you revealing how you feel about your relation, your family? Tita Lors: Mm, mm-hmm. Yeah, that's a really good point. Robin Axline: So I guess in the healing part of it, if she can think about it as like maybe a moment of clarity as far as like what does she value and maybe like a better way to communicate to him how important something like that would have been. I don't know if they had a conversation like that, but Tita Lors: Mm, yeah, that's a good point. That is actually a lot of clarity because if you're with somebody, man or woman, whatever, what have you if you're going to be married to someone, yeah, you marry into the family and that family becomes like part of the the equation, but they're not the whole thing. Like your your unit is now the family and if you can't stand up to your extended family now, right? Like your 'cause that essentially what they will be like Let's your that's your family of origin, yes, but this is your family unit. And so your family unit needs to be your priority. And you as a unit have to make decisions for each other for yourselves. And if that unit is not on the same page and is maybe aligning with their family of origin more with their family unit, then that's a problem. She's gonna be yeah, like she's gonna be fighting against her in laws or maybe not her in laws, like her the the parents, but like her the sister in law, they're already not gonna have a good relationship if they get married. Robin Axline: Yeah, no, that's already done and done. And then also like I don't know if she was lying, saying that the other people were gonna be there and they weren't or what, but that's just that layer of deception too is very telling. And also for his parents not to think that was a bit odd that she wasn't there. Yeah, like right. Tita Lors: Yeah, or to even stand up for her too. Yeah. I didn't even think about that until you said it. Yeah, 'cause you Robin Axline: I don't know. Tita Lors: would you would think if you're part of the family the parents like you enough, like the parents would be like, where's your girlfriend? Or they would be like, Yeah, no, if you have an announcement, try again. It's his birthday. Robin Axline: Right? Yeah, maybe the parents are kind of passive or wishy washy, I don't know. But they do sound like god. Tita Lors: Yeah. I wonder if she's the No no, they do sound like what? Robin Axline: no, I was just gonna say they do sound like a pretty tight family that they have like events together so frequently it sounds. So Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. I'm curious about birth order. Like is she the older sister who is like used to bossing people around and telling people what's what? Or is she the younger like they they hoped for a girl, they didn't get they finally got a girl and they're like she's a little princess and gets whatever she wants. You know what I mean? Like I'm just curious which one? Robin Axline: Yeah, totally. that is true. I wonder if there's any I was just gonna like look through this really quick, if there's any mention of age. It's d it's gone. Tita Lors: It got deleted. Robin Axline: No Tita Lors: Yeah. That person must have got really embarrassed maybe. Robin Axline: Must have. Was it was a pretty fresh one, pretty new. Tita Lors: Yeah, it's from two days ago. Robin Axline: wow. the only thing I could find is if your this person's like, nah, your boyfriend's the problem because he allowed it. If he's allowing his sister to rule over him at twenty-eight years old, can you imagine what she'll request and require when you get married and have kids? She probably will try to exclude you f from your own wedding. Tita Lors: my gosh. I bet she's gonna have a lot of ideas about what her brother's wedding should be like. And imagine if she's like, I have an announcement because I helped you pay for this wedding. Baby number two. Robin Axline: Yeah. No. Probably she probably would pull something like that. Tita Lors: Ugh, I'd be so rude. Robin Axline: Yeah. So it looks like that's another this person's like his sister-in-laws aren't his immediate family anyways. Tita Lors: What? yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought about that too. Like she just wants it to Robin Axline: Should wait, his sister's mind? Yeah. Tita Lors: be family, but that's not her immediate family. But it is her husband's immediate family, so I like wrote that off. Robin Axline: Yeah. True. Yeah. I think yeah. And this other person said, I don't think the family likes you. That's kind of what I was thinking. I was like, Why wouldn't the parents like, Isn't this strange or Tita Lors: Seriously. That's so funny. Robin Axline: But I definitely the consensus is that she's not the problem and she's not the selfish one. Tita Lors: So sorry, I'm so distracted. Yes, I agree with everybody on that. I am just upset that the second story is now gone. But I can tell you essentially what it was about. There was just details that we were missing. it said breadwinner wife wants me to be a househusband. So basically like I guess his yeah, I guess the wife like either was already the breadwinner or got like a promotion and just kind of wanted him to stay home and take care of the kids, but he had feelings about that. Cause, you know, men can't be housewives, I guess. Or house husbands. I don't know, whatever. Mm mm. Robin Axline: Yeah, d just can't do that. Tita Lors: But everything is deli like he deleted his comments, his everything, but for the most part it seems like everyone's like, you know, I think he was asking if he should do it or not. if he wanted if he should be a house husband. And everyone's like, You gotta do what feels right for the family type of situation, I guess. Ugh I'm so annoyed with myself for not I usually copy and paste the whole story. Any users. I'm I'm gonna keep ruminating on that. But for now I wanna say thank you to everybody for joining us for this brand new segment that we've been kind of tossing around and trying to see if we how we felt about it and I like it so far. What do you think? Robin Axline: I really like it. I think it really sheds kind of a different angle on these these petty or issue stories. I think we can also use like our quote, I'm doing air quotes, like expertise on Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: like how how we would handle something like that. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. But I mean also, yeah, air quotes expertise, but like expertise in our own lives, right? Like d we're we're not Robin Axline: Yeah. Yeah. Tita Lors: saying this is what's gonna work in everyone's lives, but if this was in our life, this is what we might think, feel, or do. right. And everyone's welcome to do with that information as they will. We are not your therapist, we just have thoughts. Robin Axline: No, definitely. I was even gonna put it in the perspective of like, if a friend came to us with this question, this is might might be how we Tita Lors: Mm, mm hmm, mhm. Robin Axline: handled it. Tita Lors: Yeah, exactly. I definitely would not use this colorful language in my therapy sessions. Robin Axline: Yeah. Mm it's no. Tita Lors: Bitch what? You might see my face change. I might be like, hmm Interesting. File that Write that down real quick. Robin Axline: Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tita Lors: But yeah. all right. Well everyone, thank you for being here. We truly appreciate you, all five of you. including me and Ryan and Robin for listening to this episode today. And what are some of your healed or unhinged perspectives that maybe we didn't consider? leave a comment, let us know. And if you need a third party perspective or you have some unhinged ideas or need some unhinged ideas, reach out to us. We have the T line. It's 816 832 5463. email petty and unbothered at gmail.com, Instagram at petty and unbothered, or just comment, review, get engaged to us. I proposed in one of our recent episodes. Robin Axline: We yes, we welcome you in with arms wide open and we would love to Welcome Tita Lors: With arms wide open. Robin Axline: An old scotch tip. Tita Lors: This is how we feel about you. Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: Well, Robin, I've enjoyed hanging out with you, listeners. Thank you for being here. I hope you've enjoyed hanging out with both of us. you know, subscribe, Apple Podcasts, Spotify Deezer, YouTube, all of that stuff. Don't miss the next episode. Until next time, everyone. Fuck Bye bye. Robin Axline: Stay petty. Bye. Tita Lors: This one was fun.