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Transcript

Andy Stanley - You're Not The Boss Of Me Part 3 Envy · Andy Stanley Sermons

0:01
As we get started, quick survey, and I'd love for you to raise
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your hand and everybody play along. And if you're watching at home, play
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along, or if you're driving, keep one hand on the steering whel How
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many of you actually are on Instagram? I'm just curious, not right this
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minute, but like, like you do Instagram? Yeah, okay, yeah,
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most of us. I was kind of late to the whole Instagram thing.
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Seemed like a girl thing to me, to be honest, and then
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I realized, Oh, there's all kind of cool stuff on here and there.
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The great thing, the great thing about Instagram is I mean, like
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the really really great thing about Instagram is anyway, the problem, really,
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if I'm just honest, the problem with Instagram is that now that I'm on
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Instagram, I find I'm constantly needing a new pair of shoes. And this
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is embarrassing to talk about because I never really thought about shoes. And every
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once in a while, at Christmas or something, sandrewis show us some shoes.
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I'm like, are those cool? Okay, I'll wear those. I
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never thought about it. Now that I'm on Instagram, I I have more
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shoes, Okay, I have I have almost as many shoes. I think
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sometimes this Andrew, it's just ridiculous. And I again, I just never
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gave him any much thought to shoes or ship lap. Now we have ship
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lap in our house. Okay, I never gave much thought to that.
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I never gave any thought to your cute kids. And I can't go back
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and redo all of our family pictures because they're on film. You remember that,
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Like, what can you do with that? So now I take pictures
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of pictures to put on Instagram. It's so lame. I'm also bothered by
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all the incredible vacations you have, like they look amazing you the places I've
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never been. In fact, I've gone to some of those places, but
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it didn't look near as cool as it was when you went with your cool
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pictures. I'm very bothered by the cool young preachers and they're overpriced sneakers.
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That's starting to bother me a little bit too, you know. So I
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thought, well, the way to solve this is I'm just not gonna look.
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So I just I just quit. I thought I'm gonna get off Instagram,
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and I thought, wait a minute, I'm not a quitter. So
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I got back on. I thought, no, I'm not a quitter.
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I'm just gonna up my game and I'm gonna make you as discontent with your
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life as you have made me with my life. And so I'm gonna start
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using better filters. I'm going to crop in a little bit closer and kind
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of you know, edit out all the stuff, and I'm just gonna take
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it over and over and over and over until I get the perfect picture.
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And I'm gonna put on Instagram the highlight reel of my life, so that'll
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make your lame life look even lamer, right, No, the the great
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thing about Instagram, it really is the great thing about Instagram is that it
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is a constant reminder and we all need reminding of this. It is a
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constant reminder that there really is no when in comparison. There is absolutely You've
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heard me say that before. There really is no when in comparison. And
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the reason I talk about that is because we are in part three of this
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series called you Are Not the Boss of Me. You're not the boss of
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Me, And the subtitle says it all how to, because this is a
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how to series. How to say no to the emotions that compete for control,
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how to say no to the emotions that compete for control, because all
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of us have two or three emotions that compete for control of our lives.
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Specifically, they compete for control of our mouths, and then our mouths get
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us into trouble because we let those emotions be the boss of us. Jesus
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said it perfectly. Here's how he set up, and this is where we're
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going for the rest of the series. He said this, He said,
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don't you see, talking to his disciples, don't you see that whatever enters
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the mouth goes into the stomach and out of the body, to which they
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said, as we said last week, yes, we see that. We
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see it two or three times a day. Yeah. Or is this going
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to be in the Bible anyway? He says, I'm just getting your attention.
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He says, but here's the real point. But the things that come
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out of a person's mouth, the other end, things that come out of
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a person's mouth, they actually come from the heart. What comes out of
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your mouth comes from your heart, And what comes out of your mouth from
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your heart actually is what defiles you. Eating the wrong things doesn't defile you
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before God. Is what comes out of your mouth that defiles you before God?
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Because what comes out of your mouth puts you at odds with God when
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it puts you at odds with other people. And God is most concerned about
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what comes out and how it affects people. Then he is about what goes
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in. And in a culture that was all about a dietary law, this
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was like what he goes. Yeah, God is not petty. God is
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not small. God is not overly concerned with what you accidentally eat. But
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he is very concerned about what comes out of your mouth if it hurts other
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people, because if you hurt people, God loves you. Set yourself up
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to be at odds with God. And then he makes this brilliant insight that
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it took us a long long time to catch up with. He says this
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for out of the heart, for out of the heart come evil thoughts.
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He kind of equates the heart in the mind, for out of the heart
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come evil thoughts. And our thoughts are what instigate our thoughts, are where
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all of these behaviors come from. Everything you've ever done began, for the
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most part with a thought. Began with your mind, or begin with your
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heart. He uses these words interchangeably, for out of a heart coome evil
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thoughts, and those thoughts are what bring about murder, adultery, sexual immrality,
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theft, false testimony, slander. And then in other gospel he adds
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other words, this is all of these things that put you at odds with
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people, that put you at odds with God. All of this comes from
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your heart. Our words, and our deeds actually reflect he says, what
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is in us. And we don't like this because I want to think that
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the thing I said that I didn't mean to say is an exception. It
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doesn't reflect poorly on me. It's just it was an accident. So I
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say, well, I didn't mean to say that, right, and I
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didn't mean to do that. And you know, I'm not sure where that
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came from. Jesus says. I know, I'm sure. And if what
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Jesus says is true, and I just think anybody that predicts their own death
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and resurrection pulls it off. I just go with whatever they say. So
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I think what he says is true. And what he says is true is
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that these things come from your heart. They come from my heart. And
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so we dare not we dare not allow these destructive forces that you know reside
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within us to come out of us and undermine our own success, undermine our
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marriages, our relationships, our futures, our dating, you know, whatever
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it might be. That we can't just go on long in life, as
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we said the last two weeks, simply monitoring our behavior. Jesus calls us
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to do something far more significant and something that all of us need to learn
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to do. And if you're a parent, especially if you're a father,
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you got to teach your children to do this, and that is to monitor
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your heart, to monitor what's going on on the inside, because what's going
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on on the inside is eventually going to come out on the outside. And
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if all we do is try to put a filter over our mouth from time
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to time, as you know, we're going to fail. They were gonna
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be like, oh, I didn't mean it. I would, I didn't
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mean to say that. And we, you know, we treat our words
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as if, you know, an accidental saying something accidental then taking it back
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or proving it's an accident removes the hurt. But that's just not true.
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Right If I accidentally back into you with my car right and I get it
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and I say, hey, it was an accident, you don't jump up
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and go, oh, if it's an accident, I'm fine Now it hurts
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just as much. Same with our words, and those words, he says,
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Hey, you fool yourself all day long. The reason you set them
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is because they were already in there. So we need to go after this
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stuff and rid our hearts and cleanse our hearts. And that's what this series
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is all about. So last week we talked about guilt, how to say
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guilt, Hey, guilt, you're not the boss of me. Shame,
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you're not the boss of me. And today we're gonna talk about this ugly
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word envy. Envy to me, this is just me. I think this
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is the ugliest thing in human nature. I know it is the ugliest thing
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in me. There is no bright side, upside, positive side to this
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world. And we can put the word jealousy. I like envy because it
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sounds I don't know a little bit more sinister. Envy is that thing.
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And I'll just you know, if confession is good for the soul, I'm
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about to do my sole a big favor because there's a lot of you to
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confess to the thing that I don't like about me the most. And if
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you can't relate to this. Please don't judge me too harshly. The thing
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I don't like about me the most is that every once in a while someone
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will fail and my initial emotion is like yes, and I hate that about
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me. Now eventually I get over it and like, Andy, that's terrible,
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but I hate that every once in a while somebody goes down or somebody
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makes a mistake or trips up. I don't know if it's public figure or
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private or whatever. Have you has any don't raise your hand. Have you
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ever had this experience where you are okay, it's not just me, even
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folks on the front row right at home. You know, you somebody and
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that your initial emotion, the first thing that pops up is yes, like
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that'll show him or somehow that made me feel better about me because and then
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you immediately if you're you know, if you're saying, you're like, oh,
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that's horrible. I just think for me, that is the ugliest,
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ugliest, ugliest part of me. And imagine if that became the boss of
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you. Imagine if that is the boss of you. That's an ugly thing
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that will ruin what is most valuable and most important to you. And I
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think it resides in awe of us. King Solomon, considered the wisest man
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who ever lived next to Jesus, said this. He just goes right at
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it. He says, envy rots the bones. Envy rots the bones.
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In other words, when we are envious, we're focused on someone out there
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and what they've done, and what they have, and who they raised,
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and how smart their grandkids are and how cool their car is. And Solomon
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says, don't kids yourself the consequences of envy. They may be a little
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bit out there, but at the end of the day, envy rots the
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bones. Here's why it leaves us competing. This is the joke. This
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is how ridiculous this is. It leaves us competing with people that don't even
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know there's a competition. And we're striving so hard to drive cooler, live
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cooler, you know, be smarter, do better, perform better, you
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know. I mean, we're competing with people they don't even know there's a
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competition. And it makes us arrogant because we're successful and we accomplish more than
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they did, or it makes us depressed and we despise ourselves because we fall
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short. I mean, again, there's no upside there's no positive side to
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envy. It rots the bones, it ruins relationships. It'll be make you
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a not very good friend and not very good sister in law or brother in
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law or cousin or child or brother or sister or whatever it might be.
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And so you know, if you have to leave earlier, you lose electricity.
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Here's the bottom line. It's just knock it off, all right,
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Just stop with that. If only it was that easy, right, But
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this isn't This isn't going to go away. I mean it suddenly we feel
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it. We don't mean to feel it. We don't know where it comes
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from. Jesus, as I'm telling you, where it came from. It
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came from within you. It is in you. You just dare not allow
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it to be the boss of you. So even if it never goes away,
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it doesn't have to control us, it doesn't have to drive us.
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We can begin to monitor heart and deal with it. Because this is just
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my opinion. I don't think envy is a problem to be solved. I
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think it's attention to manage because we're human and we're falling, and it's just
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natural to compare, and it's natural to you know, allow our self esteem
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to be built upon what other people are doing as opposed to what God has
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perhaps called us to do. So the great news is Solomon who gives us
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the envy rights the bone statement. Solomon also gives us a way forward.
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In fact, in his writings, he gives us a place to go.
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This is how I think about it. He gives us a place to go
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mentally, so that when you find yourself drifting emotionally toward envy, or you
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find yourself drifting emotionally toward comparison or jealousy, whatever word you want to use,
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when you find yourself drifting there emotionally, or suddenly that ugly, ugly
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part of you crops up and starts to I mean, he says, let
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me tell you somewhere you can go mentally, and when you start to lean
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that way emotionally, and it gives us a word picture to help us regain
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our balance. Because one of the things that's important to remember throughout this series
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is that all of these emotions, the reason they get in control is they
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throw us off balance. Anger throws you off balance. That's why you come
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back and you're like, I can't believe I said that. Envy it throws
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you off balance. Suddenly you're acting on things or saying snarky things. You're
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like, where did that come from? Am off balance? Lust throws you
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off balance. All of these emotions throw us off balance. So Solomon gives
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us kind of a word picture, and he gives us a phrase. We're
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going to get to in a minute. And I'm hoping that as a result
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of our time together that you would take this phrase, that you would take
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this imagery that he gives us, and this would become so instilled in your
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thinking that when you begin to have those feelings, when you're tempted to say
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that thing, when everybody else is going on and on about them and you're
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attempted to join in, that you would find yourself saying no, no,
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no, no, envy, huh, I caught you. You are not
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the boss of me, and you are not the boss of my mouth.
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Here's what Solomon writes. He said, I saw that all toil, that
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is, all work in labor, and all achievement spring from one person's envy
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of another. So this is King Solomon. He's got all this perspective,
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all this wealth, go anywhere and do anything He's been there, done that
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scene at all. He says, here's my observation for the most part,
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and this is a little bit of hyperbole, but for the most part,
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he says, as I've observed people, everybody is competing with everybody else,
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and everybody is determining how successful they are by measuring themselves and their success by
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everybody else's success. This has going on three thousand years ago. It's just
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human nature. They're determining where they are based on where everybody else is.
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Sound familiar, They're determining where they are based on where everybody else is.
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And then he says this is ridiculous, but he uses a different word.
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He says, this is meaningless. This is meaningless, and then he gives
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us this word picture. These next few words are the words that I hope
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you'll just grab a hold of and that this will become part of your internal
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vocabulary so that when you start having those internal, you know, imaginary conversations
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with people. Do you ever do this where you're having an imaginary conversation with
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people? Yeah, And how you always say the right thing in your imagination,
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right, and they always look stupid? Is that just me? Sometimes
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I have imaginary conversations with people and there's a crowd, you know, and
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they're like, Andy, yes, you know that I just dropped them.
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My can walk off like Jesus and the Pharisees, you know. But we
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always sound good. So this is this is a phrase that I think we
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should all incorporate into our repertoire. So when we start having these imaginary conversations,
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this is where we go. Here's what he says. He says,
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all I saw all this toil, all this achievement spring for one person's envy
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of another. This too is meaningless. A chasing after the wind. Let's
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just say this together. A chasing after the wind, everybody, one more
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time. A chasing after the wind. I want you to think of that.
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That is powerful imagery. Chasing the wind. It's endless. There's no
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finish line, there's no peace, there's no ultimate satisfaction, there's no contentment.
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It's like an unquenchable appetite, chasing after the wind. There's always an
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er. We've talked about this. There's always an er because his is newer,
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and hers is nicer, and her kids are smarter, and theirs is
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bigger and his is faster. There's always an earth. There's always somebody with
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a bigger error, right. And so if you're chasing the wind, if
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envy becomes the boss of you, you're just chasing the wind. It never
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never, never ends. There's never any satisfaction, there's never contentment. As
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we're gonna see, you can't even enjoy your own accomplishments, dissatisfaction guaranteed if
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you chase the wind, If you allow envy to become the boss of you
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in any area, or as we're gonna see, even in a single relationship,
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it steals, it steals the joy from our accomplishments, because there's always
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someone who's accomplishing more, right. And so when you catch yourself looking in
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that direction, when you catch yourself drifting in that direction, when your emotions
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begin to go in that direction, that's when you have to step back and
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say no, no, no, Envy, Envy, listen to me.
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You are not the boss of me. That is simply che chacing the wind.
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And I don't chase the wind. That is just chasing the wind.
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And I don't chase the wind if you're not the boss of me. No,
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I'm not even going there, and I'm not going there. That's just
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chasing the wind. I don't chase the wind that sideways energy. It's a
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waste of my time. I'm not gonna waste my time, which is my
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life, chasing the wind. Your time is your life. But on the
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other hand, Solomon was a very accomplished person. I mean, he was
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a king. He accomplished more in his lifetime than anybody else ever accomplished in
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his lifetime. So this isn't he's not trying to trying to bait us into
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being lazy or to do less or to accomplish less. He says, no,
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only a fool, Only a fool would fold their hands and ruin themselves.
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This is his imagery of somebody who's like, well, I'm not even
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gonna try. Well, if I can't make one hundred percent, I don't
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care what person. I'm not even gonna try. If I can't compete at
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all, Why if I can't win, why compete at all? I'm just
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not even gonna try. It's like, no, no, that's not the
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answer either. This isn't about being passive. This isn't about doing your best.
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This isn't about trying to accomplish something in the world. This is not
17:00
about being un or non productive. And then he's so wise. He brings
17:06
these two ideas together. On one hand, you don't just give up and
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do nothing. On the other hand, you don't stress yourself out trying to
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be someone you're not. Then he gives us again more imagery. It's so
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powerful, he says, better. And for some of us this is good
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news. For others of us, this is this is going to be a
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struggle because of the way you're wired, because of your temperament, because of
17:22
your personality. He says, better one handful with tranquility, then two handfuls
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with toil and chasing after the wind. It's better to have one handful of
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what you were designed to do and what you were created for, then to
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have two handfuls when one of those handfuls is causing is just stressing you out
17:45
because you're trying to keep up with someone you'll never keep up with. He
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says, at the end of the day, tranquility, even if you have
17:52
less, is better than having more and losing your peace and losing your tranquility
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and losing your sense of and losing your self. Tranquility. What is tranquility.
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It's a word we don't use a lot it's just satisfaction. It's contentment.
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It's going home in the afternoon and going I did my very best,
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and that's I'm fine with that. It's laying in bed at night knowing I
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have peace because I'm not stressed out trying to be somebody I can't be,
18:21
and trying to accomplish things that maybe I wasn't called or designed to accomplish.
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But chasing, chasing leaves us wanting more again. It's an appetite that can't
18:30
be satisfied. It's chasing the wind. His point is simply this, that
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less less is actually more, that less is actually more when it leads to
18:41
contentment, because the result is peace. The result is peace with yourself and
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ultimately brings greater peace with the people around you, especially the people that are
18:52
most important to you. Better one handful with tranquility than grasping and striving and
19:00
tending and editing and cropping and retaking. Nope, that's not it. Retaking.
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No, that's not it retaking. No, that's not it. This
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is why some of you have gone off with social media, isn't it.
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It was just driving you crazy. You just found yourself thinking about it all
19:15
the time. I'm a loser. I'm a loser. I'm a loser.
19:15
I'm ana loseer. I'm a loser. Now, I'm gonna loseer. I'm
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a loser. I'm gonna loseer. I'm a loser. Ah, my husband's
19:21
a loser, my wife loser. My kids, Oh, my kids,
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And you're like, you know, I just can't deal with it anymore.
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And some of you, you know, have been wise enough to decide,
19:29
you know, I'm just gonna take a vacation. So here's my suggestion when
19:32
it comes to that. And I've been saying this a long time. Anything
19:37
anything that stirs up a discontentment in you, just remove it out of your
19:41
life. Now, I'm not talking about being inspired to do great things and
19:45
be your best. That's different. But the thing that just leaves you feeling
19:48
less than discontent. It may be something you subscribe to, maybe a magazine,
19:52
it may be a website, it may be some social media. But
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anything that stirs up envy in you, anything that's stirs up discontentment in you,
20:02
anything that stirs up jealousy in you, just remove it because it's feeding
20:07
that thing that resides in you and resides in me. That will be the
20:11
boss of me if I allow it to be. Just get rid of it.
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Cancel that, quit looking, quit taking, quit watching, quit scrolling,
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whatever that might be. Now Solomon's not done because he's got so much
20:26
to say on this subject. And now he takes us a little bit different
20:29
direction, and he says this. He says, let me tell you something
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else I've seen again. I saw something meaningless. We would say just ridiculous.
20:37
I saw something else meaningless under the sun. Under the sun was his
20:41
way of saying. In this world, there was this guy and he was
20:45
all alone. He didn't have a son, and he didn't have a brother.
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Now, in this context, when you read a phrase like this,
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here's what it meant. He didn't have anyone to leave his stuff too,
20:55
because women could not inherit in this culture. So here's this guy and he
21:00
has no son, and he has no brother, he has no one to
21:03
leave his stuff too. And Solomon says, but I watched this guy and
21:07
there was no end to his toil. I mean, he just would not
21:11
let up. Yet his eyes were not content with as wealth. He was
21:14
just going after it and after it and working and working and working and accumulating
21:18
and doing more and more and more and just you know, just killing it,
21:21
but just going for it, just so much focus on what he was
21:25
doing. And then Solomon says, this guy finally stop and ask a question,
21:29
a really important question. If you're an ambitious person like me, if
21:33
you love progress like me, if you a love accomplishment like me, here's
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a question you need to ask. Here's a question I need to ask.
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Here's a question we probably need to ask from time to time. He said,
21:45
I saw this guy who has he doesn't even have anybody to leave this
21:48
stuff to. And he finally pauses, and he asks this question, for
21:53
whom am I toiling? In other words, who am I doing this for?
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Really? Well, why am I doing this? What's this is it?
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What's really driving me? What am I trying to prove? And here's
22:11
the tough part. Who am I trying to prove it to? Or if
22:15
you don't like prepositions at the ends of sentences, to whom am I trying
22:19
to prove it? Right? So here, let me ask you. This
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is something to think about. This is a question to wrestle to the ground.
22:26
Why are you why do you stress yourself out to do everything that you
22:30
do? Really, And now again the fathers is like doing it for my
22:33
family? Really, So your family's pushing you. You get up in the
22:40
morning and your family's at the door going, come on, dad, get
22:41
out there and come on dad. You can do this. You're doing this
22:45
for your family? Maybe you are, but maybe there's a deeper answer to
22:49
that question. Come on, then, maybe there's more going on. Why
22:55
are you doing this? Why are you doing this? Really? For whom
22:59
are you doing this? Are you internally competing with someone and your competition with
23:06
the person out there that doesn't even know you're competing with them, or the
23:08
industry out there, they don't even know you exist much less you're competing with
23:11
them, and in your competition you're actually alienating the people you say you're doing
23:15
this for. It happens all the time, doesn't it. This is a
23:18
great question for whom am I competing? For? Whom am I toiling?
23:23
For some of you, there's a name for some of you. There's a
23:26
face for some of you at your father, for some of you at your
23:30
mother. For some of you, this happens all the time. I'm not
23:33
trying to stir up any emotion. For some of you, it's for a
23:37
deceased parent. You're still trying to prove yourself to someone who's not even around
23:42
to see. This is an important question because until we have an answer to
23:48
this question, we may be internally striving, envying, we are desiring,
23:53
or we are jealous for their approval. We are a jealous or jealous for
23:57
that pat on the head. We're jealous for something we can't even get,
24:03
and we have given up our one handful of tranquility because we've opted for two
24:10
handfuls of striving and chasing after the wind. He says this, talking about
24:19
this imaginary person. He says, and why and why am I depriving myself
24:25
of enjoyment? Do you ever ask yourself this question? Do you ever come
24:29
to the realization, Oh, my goodness, I'm not even enjoying what I
24:33
have. I don't pause long enough to stop. And you know, just
24:36
to use that old phrase, smell the roses. I mean, I love
24:38
my kids, I just don't spend any time with him. I love my
24:41
wife, I don't spend much time with I love my husband, but I'm
24:44
just I just gotta go, go, go, go go. I don't
24:47
even he says, I don't even enjoy what I'm doing. See, this
24:49
is the death spiral, isn't it. This is the relational and family death
24:55
spiral. And sometimes we don't understand what's driving it is some thing on the
25:00
end side of us. And for some of us, it's envy, and
25:03
for some of us it's jealousy. For some of it's it's comparison or just
25:07
the quest. We're jealous for the approval of somebody or a group of somebodies.
25:11
In most cases, they don't even know we're competing with them. He
25:17
couldn't enjoy what he had, and he didn't know why. Solomon says,
25:21
this is ridiculous, isn't it? I mean hearing me say it, this
25:23
is just ridiculous. This, too, he says, is meaningless. I
25:26
love this phrase. It is a miserable business. Isn't that great? In
25:32
other words, it will make you miserable. You'll put a check in every
25:37
box, you'll accomplish everything on your to do list, you'll get the award,
25:40
you'll graduate at the top of your class, and you'll go home and
25:44
you will be miserable because something's driving you and you've never put your finger on
25:52
it. Now, if you're not a Christian or a religious person. Let
25:53
me just say this to you, Okay, You'll never be You'll never be
26:00
what you were created or designed, or what you have the you know the
26:03
potential to be. You will never be what you were designed or creator,
26:07
or have the potential to be as long as you're looking over your shoulder at
26:11
what everybody else is becoming. Now, if you're a Christian, this is
26:15
even more serious because you'll never you'll never experience you'll never experience God's purpose for
26:22
your life if you're distracted by God's purpose for someone else. Now, this
26:27
is a big deal. This is a really big deal to me. I
26:30
grew up with a very successful father, and I don't know any other way
26:33
to say this. I followed him in the family business, so to speak.
26:36
Okay, I mean my dad as a pastor. There was a time,
26:40
you know, when I was thinking about ministry and looking at what he
26:42
was doing. That you're gonna think I'm exaggerating. This is once upon a
26:45
time there was no internet. Does anyone remember this? Okay, Yes,
26:48
it was a terrible time. Right, this didn't mean anything. In fact,
26:51
half of the words we use didn't mean anything before the Internet. Right.
26:53
In fact, they meant other things. It's kind of funny to think
26:56
about. So before there was an internet, my dad, I mean,
26:59
this was amazing. Now my dad was on television, shortwave radio, or
27:04
radio, preaching in every country of the world every day of the week.
27:10
He was preaching to every in every country of the world every day of the
27:14
week by television, radio or shortwave radio because radio stations would blast his preaching
27:18
across national boundaries. I'm sure this somehow illegal, and people's shortwave radios could
27:22
listen to him preach when it was illegal to preach in some of those countries.
27:26
And then I come along, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna go
27:29
be in the ministry. What are you gonna do? I think he did
27:33
it all. I think it's pretty much all done. I mean, if
27:36
your predad's preaching every country of the world every day of the week, and
27:38
what is there left to do? And I just remember struggling. I felt
27:41
like, this is something I want to do, but to fall into the
27:44
comparison trap. And he was so great. He never put that on me.
27:48
He never ever put that on me. I put it on myself,
27:49
and I found myself, like some of us find ourselves kind of competing with
27:53
someone who doesn't know there's a competition, competing with people who would be shocked
27:57
and feel like, wait, wait, why do you feel like you're competing?
28:00
But to find the race that God has called you to run, and
28:03
to find the lane that you're to run in, and to looking over your
28:07
shoulder and looking at all the other lanes to see what other people are doing.
28:10
It is so extraordinarily liberating. And you know what it does. It
28:15
allows you to work harder. With more peace, You work harder, you
28:19
get more accomplished, with more contentment, and you begin to measure success differently.
28:26
Now I'm still trying to figure this out, because this is attention to
28:29
manage. So every day, in some capacity, I find myself saying,
28:32
under my breath, envy, you're not the boss of me. I'm not
28:34
going there. I'm not chasing the wind. So here's the phrase that Solomon
28:41
began all this with. I just gave you the second half. Here's the
28:45
entire sentence. Here's what he says that's so powerful. A heart at peace
28:49
gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. A life,
28:55
A heart at peace that is this is this internal thing, finding peace,
29:00
finding contentment, finding that sense of I've done all I know to do,
29:04
I've done my very best. I will be content with one handful and tranquility,
29:11
he says, A heart at peace if it gives life to the body.
29:14
But it's envy that rots the bones. In other words, you cannot
29:18
compete. You cannot compete or compare your way to peace. You cannot compete
29:26
or compare your way to peace. You cannot win by chasing the win.
29:34
Now, here's the thing. If you're a Christian, God has given you
29:38
a race to run. As a parent, as a professional, as a
29:44
student, as a mentor, as an athlete, as a coach, as
29:48
a teachers, whatever it might be. God has given you a race to
29:51
run. He's given you a lane to run in. So stay there and
29:56
thrive there, and here's the most important part, and change some body's world
30:03
from there. Because the moment you get out of your lane and the moment
30:08
I allow envy and comparison and jealousy to be the boss of me. Do
30:11
you know what I quit doing. I quit being concerned about other people because
30:15
envy is extraordinarily self centered, jealousy is extraordinarily self centered. I'm gonna have
30:21
a difficult time caring about you if I'm overly worried and concerned about me.
30:26
That's why that ugly, ugly, ugly, embarrassing thing that pops up every
30:30
once in a while when somebody else fails. Where does that come from?
30:33
That comes from this false sense that the lower you go, the higher I
30:37
get, the less you succeed, the more I succeed. What a lie
30:41
that is. But that's what envy does. That's what jealousy does. Jealousy
30:44
says, if someone else will tear you down, I can feel better about
30:47
myself. How extraordinarily self centered is that? And you have been called to
30:52
live a better life. And your better life is found in the lane that
30:56
God has called you to run in. And from that lane you can do
30:59
more for other people because you will be less concerned about who and where you
31:04
are compared to other people. Sure, there's a time to look to other
31:10
people. You look at other people for inspiration, not imitation. Read biographies,
31:15
be inspired by their stories, don't be afraid of their success. People
31:19
who are eaten up with envy, they don't even like to hear about other
31:22
people's success. They have a hard time celebrating with other people use other people's
31:27
stories as inspiration, not imitation. Celebrate even in areas where you can't participate.
31:33
Jordan Peterson says this. I love this statement from his book. He
31:36
says this, compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who somebody
31:40
else is today. From twelve Rules of Life. Isn't that good if you're
31:42
gonna do the comparison thing? Compare yourself to yourself. Compare yourself to where
31:47
you were yesterday. In other words, making progress. Again, this isn't
31:49
about sitting on your hands and doing nothing. This is about, to use
31:52
the phrase, being all you can possibly be and being all that God has
31:56
called you to be. But you compare yourself to where you were yesterday.
32:00
Love progress, pursue progress, but don't compare yourself to where somebody else is
32:06
today. Or do you use some old school language, Count your blessings,
32:10
not your neighbors. Yeah, right, count your blessings. Have you ever
32:15
actually done this? I mean this may seem so strange to sit down and
32:20
to make an actual list of all the things in your life that are a
32:22
blessing. Do you know what happens when you begin to count your blessings?
32:25
Something happens on the inside of you, you become great full grateful people are
32:31
generous people, because grateful, generous people are not self centered people. So
32:37
just count your blessings, don't worry about everybody else's blessings. God has called
32:42
you to do something specific, and you don't want to miss it. Don't
32:45
miss the life that God has for you. You'll never experience, You'll never
32:50
experience life to the full as long as you are trying to get in on
32:53
the lane of somebody else around you. You'll never experience your life to the
32:59
full until you focus on the life that's right in front of you. So
33:04
this afternoon, it's not gonna take long this afternoon, maybe before you leave
33:07
here, maybe before you turn you know, as soon as you go to
33:10
the next browser. You know, just today, when you find your mind
33:15
and you find your emotions drifting toward that sense of envy in comparison, and
33:17
I don't measure up, and I'll never have and I'll never drive, and
33:21
I'll never live, and I'll never look like that when tempted to compare,
33:24
When tempted to compare, then you just really need to stop and declare,
33:28
and maybe out loud, maybe under your breath. Envy, you're not the
33:30
boss of me. Envy, You're not the boss of me. I will
33:35
not chase the wind, Envy. No, no, no, no,
33:37
no, no no, Envy, you're not the boss of me. In
33:39
fact, Envy, let me show you what I'm gonna do. I'm actually
33:42
gonna write her a letter and congratulate her on the very thing that makes me
33:45
hate her. Okay, because you are not the boss of me. I'm
33:49
not gonna hate her. I watch this. I'm gonna write a letter and
33:51
I'm going to hand it to her and congratulate her, because, Envy,
33:53
you are not the boss of me. You know what, when he gets
33:57
home, I'm gonna celebrate him, even though he gets all the aenon and
34:00
I do all the work, even though she gets all the intention and I
34:02
do all the work. Whichever way that goes. You know what, Envy,
34:06
I'm not gonna be jealous. I'm not going to allow jealousy to be
34:07
the boss of me. I'm going to congratulate him and congratulate her. I'm
34:12
going to cheer them on until you finally shut your mouth. You are not
34:16
the boss of me. So let's just say this together out loud. Ready,
34:20
ready, everybody, even if you're watching online, Envy, you are
34:22
not the boss of me. I will not chase the wind. Now this
34:28
time with a little more attitude. Okay, because you gotta tell envy now
34:32
real quick. This is not spooky. We're not talking to people or demons
34:36
or spirits. Okay. This is just an exercise to help us get perspective
34:40
in those moments when our emotions want to take control. So one more time,
34:44
with a little bit more attitude. Ready, Envy you are. Besides,
34:53
if you're a Christian, you already have a boss of you, and
34:59
Jesus gave you very specific instructions. I'm gonna read you the implication and then
35:04
the instruction. The implication is this, Now, this is that's a big
35:07
deal. If you're a Jesus follower, ready, don't compare yourself to one
35:10
another. Love one another, and you can't do both very well. Don't
35:20
compare yourself to one another. I've called you to something so much higher and
35:23
greater. You are to love one another. An envy always gets in the
35:30
way of love. So this is not a nice to do. This is
35:36
mission critical. Jesus said it. I mean, this is an amazing statement
35:39
that it should just cause us to wonder every time we hear it. He
35:45
said, by this, this is how people are gonna know that you're my
35:47
follower. If you love, if you celebrate, if you cheer on,
35:52
if you refuse to give into if you love one another, that's where peace
35:57
and that's where purpose is found. It's living out and staying in your lane,
36:00
head down to the thing that God has called you to do. Celebrate
36:04
what everybody else is doing, and leverage who you are and the opportunities that
36:07
come your way in order to serve and celebrate other people. That's where the
36:12
peace is found. And ultimately that's where purpose is found as well. So
36:17
last question and we're done. Is it possible? This is so hard to
36:22
admit, This is so hard to see in the mirror. Maybe it's impossible
36:24
to see you in the mirror. Is it possible that in some area of
36:29
your life, envy has become the boss of you? Maybe specific? Is
36:34
it possible in one relationship that envy has become the boss of you. It's
36:39
your sister in law, it's your brother in law, it's your older brother,
36:45
it's your older sister. My older sister's smart she doesn't even have to
36:47
try. I try, and I try, and I try, and she
36:51
just gets up and it just all works out. Maybe it's just one relationship,
36:54
and one relationship and a relationship. Has envy become the boss of you?
37:00
Can you do about that? Maybe it's one environment. It's just school,
37:02
it's on that team, it's at work, hopefully it's not at home.
37:07
Is there an environment where envy has become the boss of you? You
37:13
got to deal with this or you'll end up chasing the wind. If you
37:16
chase the wind, that's meaningless. If you do what's meaningless for too long,
37:22
your life becomes meaningless. If you do what's meaningless for too long,
37:30
your life becomes meaningless. If you chase the wind for too long, If
37:37
you do what's meaningless for too long, your entire life becomes meaningless. Because,
37:44
as I've told you before, the way you find meaning is by becoming
37:46
a means to an end that's not you. An envy will draw you in
37:52
and suck you into self centeredness that drains your life of meaning. You don't
38:00
want that, you don't want to model that. The world doesn't need any
38:06
more of that. So let's follow Jesus unlike envy, he will make your
38:14
life better. And unlike envy, he will make you better at life.