Latest / Babes, how did you get here / She Planned to go to South America but Ended up in Rural Cambodia

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She Planned to go to South America but Ended up in Rural Cambodia · Babes, how did you get here

• 0:00
  Talia is a volunteer teacher here in rural Cambodia.
• 0:04
  I first saw her online speaking Khmer and I immediately wanted to know all about her story because she doesn't seem like she's living that typical expat life.
• 0:13
  But before you tell me about your journey, I must ask, Babes, how did you get here?
• 0:18
  I don't even know how I got here myself, but I honestly, Cambodia wasn't even on my radar.
• 0:24
  Okay.
• 0:26
  I wanted to go down to South America.
• 0:29
  I wanted to work on youth development.
• 0:32
  I wanted to get my Spanish fluent.
• 0:35
  I, yeah, I didn't have a plan, and I just ended up in Cambodia, and I...
• 0:41
  I think it happened for a reason because I just feel so at home here and it was like, it was the best decision I've ever made.
• 0:49
  How long have you been here?
• 0:50
  Almost two years.
• 0:51
  Okay.
• 0:51
  Yeah.
• 0:52
  And where did you move from in America?
• 0:53
  I moved from Montana.
• 0:55
  So very, very rural, very cold state.
• 0:59
  Okay.
• 1:00
  So literally the complete opposite as Cambodia.
• 1:03
  Do you like rural vibes?
• 1:05
  I do, yeah.
• 1:06
  I grew up in Southern California, so I kind of have experienced, I moved around in the States a bit when I was a kid.
• 1:14
  So I've kind of seen like different ways of living, different cultures, even in America, because it's so big there that there's so much nuance to the way people live and the way people speak.
• 1:28
  We're dropping new episodes every single week.
• 1:31
  So make sure you subscribe.
• 1:32
  You don't want to miss this babes and leave a comment and tell me, what do you want to hear out of my next conversation?
• 1:38
  Your support really helps this community grow.
• 1:40
  And if you know someone who's quietly been thinking, should they take that next big leap?
• 1:44
  Babes, send them the podcast.
• 1:47
  We talk about like cultural exchange a lot of times like one way.
• 1:51
  So, you know, I come to your country, what do I gain?
• 1:54
  What do you think your students have gained from you coming to them?
• 1:59
  Other than language.
• 1:59
  Yeah, yeah.
• 2:00
  I mean, I think they've gained, as simple as it may sound, like a friend that they can really talk to.
• 2:06
  There's a lot of things in Cambodia that
• 2:10
  you don't really talk about with your family and with your friends, things that mental health, things like that.
• 2:19
  And it's been so incredible being able to be that person for so many of my students and knowing that they feel comfortable enough to talk to me.
• 2:29
  And yeah, I just hope that.
• 2:32
  it helps them grow a little bit more and understand themselves a little bit more and that a lot of these things are normal, but in Cambodia, it's just the culture.
• 2:40
  It's just they don't, it's a very passive culture.
• 2:43
  And so...
• 2:44
  Someone told me that people don't say no here.
• 2:46
  So like if you see a house and it's not available, they won't just outright say no because it's not in the culture to say no.
• 2:55
  I was like, really?
• 2:56
  So what do people say?
• 2:58
  And she was saying that she similarly said because of the passiveness of the culture, it's like they'd rather kind of give you the impression knowing that it's not available because they don't want to just outright say no.
• 3:10
  Yes.
• 3:11
  Yeah, I would agree with that.
• 3:13
  And I think people are...
• 3:17
  They would rather let something go and get over it than to express their opinion because it's just the way it is.
• 3:24
  Sure.
• 3:25
  They don't.
• 3:26
  That's really...
• 3:27
  anti what I think of American culture.
• 3:30
  Yeah, right.
• 3:31
  Like when I think of American culture, and feel free to correct me, it could be like a stereotype in my mind, but I think of oversharing, I think of like an openness to everyone's happy to tell you if they have a therapist, are they going to go see said therapist?
• 3:45
  There's no like sort of shame culture in that sense.
• 3:49
  And so I imagine that coming from an American, that level of openness might be quite different
• 3:56
  Yeah, definitely very different.
• 3:58
  But it also goes the reverse way, right?
• 4:01
  So in America, you would never ask someone what their salary is, right?
• 4:04
  Someone you don't really know that well.
• 4:06
  Yes.
• 4:06
  Or you would never ask an older woman her age.
• 4:08
  Right.
• 4:08
  But here...
• 4:10
  No biggie.
• 4:11
  No.
• 4:11
  Or they'll just straight up, I'll go to school someday.
• 4:13
  And they're like, wow, you look so much fatter than you were yesterday.
• 4:17
  This is Jamaica.
• 4:18
  What?
• 4:19
  And then they're like, yeah, bye, yeah, bye.
• 4:21
  Like, eat more rice, eat more rice.
• 4:22
  And I'm like, so what?
• 4:25
  That is so funny.
• 4:26
  That is so funny.
• 4:27
  Yeah, it's really interesting seeing that.
• 4:28
  And so relatable.
• 4:30
  In the UK, similar to America, you would never comment on someone's weight.
• 4:33
  Never.
• 4:33
  And I remember listening to the radio and this person was explaining that their dad would say, you're eating too much, you need to cut it down.
• 4:43
  And the host of the radio show was like,
• 4:45
  you know, your dad could be giving you a complex and body shaming and coming from this very, like, London perspective or UK perspective that you could never say that.
• 4:54
  And she's like, no, but it was true.
• 4:56
  Like, I had put on a lot of weight and my dad was just telling me it is what it is.
• 5:02
  It's not negative, it's not positive.
• 5:03
  Exactly.
• 5:04
  They, like...
• 5:05
  I had some friends over a couple weeks ago, and my host mom right in front of me, she goes, yeah, she works out every day, but she's still getting fatter.
• 5:13
  I'm like, what the heck?
• 5:15
  I'm right here.
• 5:16
  I was like, that one hurt, mom.
• 5:19
  But I take everything.
• 5:21
  I don't.
• 5:22
  I think it's funny.
• 5:23
  Sure.
• 5:24
  I think that the way you react to situations can determine your entire outcome, how the rest of your day is gonna go.
• 5:32
  And so I just go with the flow.
• 5:34
  For me, intention is always more important than the actual thing, right?
• 5:40
  where is the energy coming?
• 5:41
  And I tell people all the time, we know when people are being malicious and we know the difference.
• 5:45
  And so even when, you know, particularly whether it's racial things that some people get nervous about, I think also, again, coming from a Jamaican perspective, if you came to Jamaica and you would be the white girl, right?
• 5:57
  And it wouldn't be that it's derogative or anything.
• 5:59
  It's just you are the white girl.
• 6:01
  And I remember once I had a friend who was from the UK and he was in the supermarket in Jamaica and they said, white man, you need some help.
• 6:08
  And he said he was offended.
• 6:10
  I thought, why were you offended?
• 6:12
  I said, were there any other white people in the aisle?
• 6:14
  He said, no.
• 6:14
  I said, well, they're just identifying you.
• 6:17
  And I think that sometimes when you get to societies like in the UK, where people are so afraid of causing offense, and it could be that they have a genuine question, right?
• 6:27
  And I think that it's to the detriment of a society when you can no longer genuinely ask a question, when you can't be curious out of fear
• 6:36
  of perhaps offending someone.
• 6:38
  And I've seen it happen so many times where conversations that could be had to just share, right, to just share experiences, to broaden people's minds, they're not able to happen because somebody doesn't want to say the wrong thing.
• 6:51
  Definitely, definitely.
• 6:52
  And I, yeah.
• 6:54
  It's intention always.
• 6:55
  You can say whatever you want.
• 6:57
  As long as it's coming from a good place.
• 6:59
  And it's, who am I to come in here and tell them they're doing this wrong?
• 7:04
  I'm a visitor in their country.
• 7:06
  And yes, I could react to it and I could,
• 7:10
  beat myself up about it, but at the end of the day, who's that helping?
• 7:14
  That's not helping me.
• 7:15
  That's not helping them.
• 7:17
  You move on, you get past it, and you accept it because that's the way it is.
• 7:21
  Sure.
• 7:22
  You can't come in somewhere and expect it to change, cater to you.
• 7:25
  Yes, 100%.
• 7:26
  How do you think that knowing the language has changed your experience living here?
• 7:33
  Just really, truly being able to make such strong connections with...
• 7:40
  Some of these people have never even spoken to a foreigner before.
• 7:43
  Sure.
• 7:43
  A lot of them.
• 7:45
  And so you get such a different relationship when you're able to communicate in terms of their language in their area, in their communities.
• 7:57
  And so that's really created some amazing bonds that I have.
• 8:03
  you just don't really get that deep when you're both trying to kind of figure out ways to, you know.
• 8:12
  I agree.
• 8:13
  I think that it would be one of the reasons why I probably couldn't live in this part of the world.
• 8:20
  Because I was saying this when I was in Thailand, we'd have a great nanny, the girls love her, we love, and there's a vibe, but I can't be me.
• 8:29
  Like a part of what I think of in terms of my identity
• 8:33
  is the ability to be able to kind of like tease you.
• 8:36
  In Jamaica you say bad you up, right?
• 8:37
  But it's not bad you up, it's just like, I get to tease you, say things in jest, and we get to share a moment.
• 8:44
  And like, I'd be with this nanny and I'd want to share that same vibe, the same warmth.
• 8:50
  And no amount of Google Translate is going to give you that vibe.
• 8:55
  Yeah.
• 8:55
  And I was like, I don't.
• 8:56
  And for me, sharing those moments is what I love about living somewhere.
• 9:00
  Whereas I appreciate for some people, I was saying this to my sister, that if you grew up in like maybe
• 9:06
  England where you don't know your neighbor anyway so like that's not a crucial part of what makes you happy for me a part of my happiness comes from being able to see my neighbor and just heal you up and say hi and just feel that I'm a part of a community yes and I don't think that I could do that if I if I'm not able to speak yeah I know that that doesn't matter for some people yeah
• 9:27
  But yeah, yeah.
• 9:29
  I mean, that's been my overall favorite, favorite thing about being in Cambodia is just being able to connect and communicate and learn.
• 9:38
  You learn so much more about a culture when you can speak their language.
• 9:41
  You learn about the traditional, even their history.
• 9:44
  And you're not only learning about their country and their people, but you're learning more about the language and you're hearing and you're being exposed to
• 9:55
  so many new things and you really get to that level where you have those really meaningful conversations that just like, sometimes I'm like, I cannot believe that,
• 10:06
  they're comfortable enough to talk to me about this.
• 10:08
  And that makes me feel welcome.
• 10:11
  That makes me feel like I have a purpose.
• 10:13
  Sure.
• 10:13
  Before we continue, make sure that you join our community by clicking the link below.
• 10:18
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• 10:25
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• 10:30
  So I, yeah, I haven't, I went back to America in April.
• 10:34
  Okay.
• 10:35
  Um,
• 10:36
  But I didn't go home home.
• 10:37
  I went and stayed with my family in a house.
• 10:40
  Sure.
• 10:41
  So I didn't see people I went to school with or anything.
• 10:43
  I didn't see my friends.
• 10:45
  How was going back?
• 10:47
  I haven't really had much of that.
• 10:48
  I know if I go home for good, it's going to be really hard.
• 10:52
  Really, really hard because you're looking at everything.
• 10:55
  You notice the small things.
• 10:58
  that you would never notice before, but you have that new sense of just appreciation.
• 11:05
  When you went back for that short period, what were some of the things that you noticed?
• 11:13
  that nothing like really changed.
• 11:15
  It was the exact same than when I left, just in terms of the people and what's happening and the day-to-day life.
• 11:23
  I was like, it was just, it was weird.
• 11:24
  I don't even, it's so hard trying to explain.
• 11:27
  Yeah.
• 11:28
  I'm sorry, I'm not like explaining this very well.
• 11:30
  I'm just trying to even grasp it myself.
• 11:35
  When you left, did you miss, as in when you left America to come back,
• 11:40
  Were there things that you missed from America?
• 11:42
  No.
• 11:43
  I was so ready.
• 11:44
  I was like my third day in America, and I was like, oh, my God.
• 11:46
  I've had enough.
• 11:47
  Get me back to Cambodia, like, right now.
• 11:49
  Yeah, I did.
• 11:52
  I really – I was scared.
• 11:53
  I thought maybe, you know, I'm just living this, like, whole life.
• 11:57
  Maybe I just think that I love it here so much because I'm so in it.
• 12:01
  And so I was nervous that going back to America, was I going to be like, wow, this is actually –
• 12:07
  where I belong, this is my life.
• 12:09
  But no, it validated my feelings so much more.
• 12:11
  I was so ready to come back.
• 12:14
  I always think sometimes the person that moves, right?
• 12:17
  So when you have your family or your friends, your comfort zone, and when you've moved away, I think even for myself, like when I come back to Jamaica, my core people,
• 12:28
  I've kind of always been moving so they understand like how I am, but there are certain relationships that I feel can never actually be the same because they don't get how the perspective has changed, right?
• 12:41
  Just by seeing things and understanding things.
• 12:44
  But in a way I find that isolating because
• 12:49
  In my mind, these are the people that are supposed to be like my bona fide, my nucleus, my safety net.
• 12:55
  And then if our relationship can't be the same and yet wherever I am, I still, yes, I can feel comfortable and all of that stuff, but I'm still not.
• 13:06
  If I'm in England, I don't feel British, although I have a British passport and very much so in British.
• 13:10
  I don't feel like culturally I'm the same.
• 13:14
  So I feel like sometimes I'm in this weird middle ground of being different from the place I call home.
• 13:20
  Yeah.
• 13:20
  But also not feeling like this is where I'm supposed to be culturally either.
• 13:26
  Yeah.
• 13:27
  And how you kind of resolve that.
• 13:30
  Yeah.
• 13:31
  Or maybe your personality, you're cool with like...
• 13:34
  It's hard.
• 13:34
  I mean, I battle.
• 13:35
  It's a battle constantly.
• 13:38
  But I don't know.
• 13:39
  I mean, I don't think I've been here long enough to I'm still feel like I'm still riding that high of living abroad and having such a new experience.
• 13:46
  But I think the longer time goes on here, I think I'll start to see that a lot more.
• 13:53
  How old are you?
• 13:54
  I'm 26.
• 13:55
  OK, cool.
• 13:56
  So are people back home what their life is?
• 14:00
  like marks are, are they starting to settle?
• 14:03
  What do people do at 26 now?
• 14:05
  I feel old, I don't know.
• 14:05
  I go on social media, everyone's having kids.
• 14:07
  Really?
• 14:08
  Is that what people do at 26?
• 14:09
  It's different in America, it depends on the region.
• 14:11
  You know, they have lots of different subcultures.
• 14:13
  So like, I would say in the Midwest, there's a lot more like roots and a lot of people stay.
• 14:20
  Whereas in the West, I think a lot of people get up and they go and they, and so the people I went to high school with, they're all married.
• 14:28
  Okay.
• 14:29
  Two kids.
• 14:30
  Really?
• 14:31
  Bought a house.
• 14:31
  And I'm like, oh my God, I could not be living a more opposite life.
• 14:37
  Which is great for them.
• 14:38
  That's a huge accomplishment, all of those things.
• 14:40
  But yeah, not for me in the slightest.
• 14:46
  Do you ever want those things?
• 14:49
  Maybe.
• 14:50
  Okay.
• 14:50
  I think...
• 14:53
  I put myself first, but if I was able to really find a place and a person that would connect, like, share similar qualities to me and, like, want to do things and want to...
• 15:07
  I don't think I'll ever own a house, if I'm being honest.
• 15:09
  Okay.
• 15:10
  I don't think so.
• 15:11
  But I'm open.
• 15:12
  I'm open.
• 15:13
  I'm an open book.
• 15:14
  Who knows?
• 15:15
  Life takes you where it takes you.
• 15:16
  What are the things that are important to you in terms of being...
• 15:21
  content in a space?
• 15:22
  Like what are the things that you have to get?
• 15:25
  I understand nature is a big one.
• 15:27
  Like community.
• 15:29
  And I never had that before Cambodia.
• 15:32
  And I feel so, so welcomed here.
• 15:36
  And I really, really am a part of my community.
• 15:39
  And it's been really special to see and to
• 15:44
  to really immerse myself.
• 15:46
  Such a new environment, such new people.
• 15:49
  And you know, on my bike ride to school, everyone's saying hi to me, and I'm getting my daily coconut.
• 15:55
  And like, it's just, I didn't realize how, how,
• 16:00
  much that can impact a person and like your mental health like that has kept me sane this entire two years um I don't feel isolated I I really don't because they're just so kind and they just want to talk and make me feel comfortable and um
• 16:18
  Yeah, I would say definitely community, big, big part of what's important.
• 16:21
  Before coming to Cambodia, what do you think people should know about Cambodia and the culture?
• 16:27
  I mean, I think people should know the history of what happened here.
• 16:32
  And the past hundred years, there's been so much change and so much tragedy.
• 16:44
  And when you learn that and you apply that and you
• 16:48
  see how people act here and how they act towards foreigners.
• 16:52
  It shows their resiliency, their acceptance, and just how kind they are.
• 17:00
  Are you speaking specifically about Khmer Rouge?
• 17:03
  Khmer Rouge, but also just even the Vietnam War and the Civil War and the war that just happened here a month ago.
• 17:13
  And they've just had to endure so much, so much, yet they have the most genuine smiles I've ever seen.
• 17:22
  And it's natural.
• 17:23
  They mean it.
• 17:24
  It's not a fake smile.
• 17:25
  It's not, hi, how's it going?
• 17:28
  It's genuine happiness.
• 17:30
  And they're able to take the things that they do have, not worry about what they don't have, but take what they have and really make the best of it.
• 17:39
  And, yeah, it's been really inspiring.
• 17:43
  When I think of an American culture, I think a lot about the focus on this American dream, the hustle, the grind, the things that you should have, the boxes that you should tick by a certain age.
• 17:55
  And I feel like your life does not mimic that trajectory at all.
• 18:00
  And I'm inspired by that.
• 18:02
  I think that that's an amazing thing to see value in the things that I think matter.
• 18:07
  But sometimes just because we think something, it doesn't necessarily match our feelings, right?
• 18:12
  So because you feel this pull and this satisfaction and all of
• 18:16
  the things that you have beautifully described by living here.
• 18:20
  I just wonder if your brain was always on board with your feelings in the sense that growing up in America where it may be more of an achievement-focused and achievement-oriented culture, was there ever any gap between the two?
• 18:36
  I mean, there's always going to be that social pressure.
• 18:38
  Okay.
• 18:39
  No matter what.
• 18:40
  Even living... And I still do worry, you know.
• 18:42
  I'm like, shoot, I'm 26 now.
• 18:45
  Like, don't have any savings.
• 18:47
  Don't have, you know.
• 18:48
  Sure.
• 18:49
  And I still do feel that.
• 18:50
  I do.
• 18:51
  But I'm...
• 18:54
  I don't know.
• 18:54
  I just...
• 18:56
  I know at the end of the day, like I'm here and I try not to stress out about the things that people stress out about.
• 19:03
  It's life's going to take you where it does.
• 19:05
  And as much as you try to control that, you can.
• 19:08
  But I just I don't know.
• 19:12
  I've always been super go with the flow.
• 19:14
  I think I just had so much change in my childhood all the time that I'm used to it.
• 19:20
  And so I know not to set expectations.