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She Sent Her Brother to Treatment...Then Built a Recovery Center With Him · Finding New Waters

• 0:00
  Adolescents are wired to be impacted more by peers than
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  during any other stage of development.
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  Peer influence, as any adolescent parent will know, is
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  disproportionate and paramount. And so we really leverage that
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  in this really positive way to allow them to also support and
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  mentor one another through the process because there are
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  messages that they hear from their peers that they won't
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  receive the same way from from us, from our team or from their
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  own parents. All right.
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  Welcome back to another episode of Finding New Waters.
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  My name is Bea Reeves. I'm the director of Business
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  development here at New Waters Recovery in Raleigh, NC Got a
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  very, very special guest today, friend of mine and friend of the
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  program, Elizabeth Fikes. Welcome, Elizabeth.
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  Hi, thank you so much for having me.
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  It's. Good to see you well, it's thank
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  you for being here number one number two it's great to see you
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  again even though it's just over camera but we were just together
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  in Mississippi are you and where are you right now I'm.
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  I'm in Oxford, Ms. Oxford, Ms. So I will let you tell everybody
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  what y'all do. But Elizabeth is with Stonewater
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  Recovery. You tell us what you do.
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  Tell us all about it. Yeah, so I am the Co founder of
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  Stonewater Adolescent Recovery Center in Oxford, Ms. and we are
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  a residential treatment program for adolescent boys ages 12 to
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  18 years old. It's about a 90 day program, two
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  to three month program and it's for those struggling with
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  anxiety, depression, substance use, trauma, and, you know,
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  working on the whole family system.
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  Well, I can attest that I've been there twice.
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  Elizabeth and her brother Brian, Co founder, have an amazing
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  event that I've been privileged and honored to be able to attend
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  the last two years, the Waverly Invitational, where we come down
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  and we do series of dinners, but most importantly, we do a nice
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  tour where they really. And I mean, I'm probably guilty
• 2:08
  of this myself because I'm so worried that people, you know,
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  yeah, they want to come see new waters, but they also want to go
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  do all the other stuff they're doing here that I probably skimp
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  a little bit on the actual, you know, nuts and bolts of the
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  program and the tour. And you, you do not do that.
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  You're very thorough. So I we, we appreciate that.
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  For better or for worse, even if you're hearing it second time,
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  thank you for. You now need.
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  To show up and be present and and hear some of those things
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  the second time. Absolutely.
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  Tell us how, because there's something that stood out to me
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  and I'm sure I heard it last year, but it stood out to me
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  this this year when you said the worst day of my of our of my
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  life was the day Brian went to treatment, which I'm would only
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  hope that turned out to be the best day too eventually.
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  But tell us about that and how you know the inspiration, how it
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  got started. Yeah, well, my family is from
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  Mississippi, and we have always been a really close family.
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  My parents are, you know, I think the best parents anyone
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  could ask for. And my brother and I have always
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  been really close. And when he was about 16, we saw
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  that he was struggling probably a little bit before that.
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  But once he turned 16, really saw that he was struggling.
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  And and we're pretty blindsided by it because we had not really
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  looked in the right place to identify the problem.
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  We thought, you know, this just must be a teenage boy or this is
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  kind of adolescence. And we have an older sister.
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  And so this was the first boy and he was the baby.
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  And we just thought maybe these are all kind of normal
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  developmental changes. And so maybe didn't take the
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  microscope to the problems or the root of the problem quite as
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  closely as we could have now of course with that 2020 hindsight.
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  But so by the time that we did find out that he had a really
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  serious substance issue, it was very progressed.
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  We didn't have the opportunity to try outpatient therapy, try
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  intensive outpatient therapy, try these other interventions.
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  It was really life threatening at the time that we found out
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  about it. And we had to.
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  We worked for the third party, a consultant for our family who
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  helped us find a program, find it quickly and help us with how
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  to get in there. Adolescence and treatment are
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  very different than adults and that they are not often willing.
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  Sometimes you get willingness, but a lot of times they aren't
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  willing. So it's a different dynamic.
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  And so you know, he was willing for about 24 hours and then when
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  the rubber really met, the road was very unwilling.
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  And so we had to navigate that and he went to a 90 day program
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  followed by a year long of a step down program at therapeutic
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  boarding school in his case and has celebrated over 20 years in
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  recovery and counting. And it's something that our
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  family really celebrates together because it impacted
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  each of us so profoundly and not just the time leading up to
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  treatment and the time that he was in treatment, but that time
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  post treatment and 20 years ago, families were not really being
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  brought into this process. And so we're specifically
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  passionate about that piece really getting families
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  involved. And back to your question, sort
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  of how we or inspired to start Stonewater, it was through that
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  journey and we're so thankful for the resources that we had.
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  And we also saw some opportunities to incorporate
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  some other things like purpose and and the family system in a
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  very different way. And so that was sort of the
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  original inspiration, just helping other families exactly
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  like us. Yeah, I love it.
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  And what, you know, feel like rightfully so, a lot of the
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  attention on the story of the origin story is focused on
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  Brian's addiction and his getting to treatment and getting
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  sober and getting better. Like, what were what, what were
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  you doing with your life at that time?
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  And what was it like for you when all that was happening with
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  him? Yeah, I don't get asked for that
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  question very often. I was living in France at the
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  time and working there. Like I said, I'm older sister
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  and so at first I was a little far removed from it.
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  He lost privileges due to some, you know, kind of normal events
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  according to to what he was involved in at the time to go on
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  his normal spring break plan. And so instead, my parents
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  allowed him to come visit me. And I was so excited about
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  having my brother come visit me, getting them, getting to show
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  him my world there. And it was a disaster.
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  It was really illuminating, I would say to me and, and you
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  know what? I what I chose to report back to
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  my parents in terms of maybe the severity of his problem.
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  And then, yeah, I mean, it was so hurtful.
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  He had just become a different person.
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  And that was so hard because he would say things that were so
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  mean. You know, he would say them to
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  me. He would say them to parents.
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  And all of those things were just not him.
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  And that was the hard part as a sister's like watching him turn
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  into a different person and not knowing exactly why.
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  And then when you started to see some indicators of why not
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  knowing how to help. And it's just a helpless
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  feeling. I think it's family members not
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  having the right tools. And also you'll you'll see
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  glimpses of him coming back. And then you use those teeny
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  tiny little windows of normalcy to say, oh, he he's fine.
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  Maybe we're just overreacting. Maybe everything is OK or not as
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  bad as we thought. And so it's kind of that up and
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  down roller coaster of second guessing yourself and second
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  guessing the problem. How did this happen?
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  I know my parents really felt like, you know, what have we
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  done wrong? As a parent, you look for that
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  where to put the blame? You know how?
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  How did we get here? Yeah.
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  Well, you know, I know from my own experience, you know, as the
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  Brian, in the scenario of my family, you know, there were
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  sometimes, especially in that last last year, especially just
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  the last three or four months before I went to treatment, I
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  was so mean to my mother, my brother, the people who love me
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  the most and I love the most. I mean, it's like, you know, I
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  don't. I wasn't setting out to do that,
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  but it's just it's like we know people, we know the the closest
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  we can, we can kind of hurt the easiest.
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  I think is is probably the best way to describe it.
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  You know, when you're talking about how you know he was
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  younger, way younger than most people period, but way younger
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  than I was when I got sober. But still remember I was telling
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  I was talking to I did a kind of what you're doing now.
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  I was I was the guest on the podcast a while ago and I
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  remember I was talking about how my my parents had great, have
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  great. My dad is deceased, but my great
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  had and have great parents. And on some level of my dad was
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  just like, you know, he'll get it together, you know, and
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  collectively they were kind of like that too.
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  But my mom overtime was more like he's got real problems,
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  like we and my dad was always he'll grow up, he'll get it
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  together. And it sounds like there's a
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  little bit of that. But then in The funny thing is,
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  it did happen for him and for me, it just didn't.
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  Was it not the avenue anybody expected for either Brian or me?
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  I'm sure. Well, it's funny that you bring
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  that up about the dads, because people view dads as a quick,
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  sort of authoritative decision maker in the home.
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  And often that is true. But what we see often is that
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  when parents come to us, the mom is resolute.
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  She knows that this is necessary, and the dads are the
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  ones that still really want to try and fix it themselves.
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  It's harder for them to relinquish that control to
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  someone else. And I thought that that didn't
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  describe my parents. I thought that my parents were
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  really in lockstep the whole time, but because we were seeing
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  this dynamic so frequently with the families that we work with,
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  I last year, so we're talking like over 20 years into the
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  process. I asked my parents to both write
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  a letter to a prospective parent who was considering residential
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  treatment for their son, not Stonewater having nothing to do
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  with our program, but just generally, and to write a letter
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  to, you know, for my dad to write a letter to dad's, my mom
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  to write a letter to mom's, you know, what would you say?
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  And I did not allow them to talk to each other before they did
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  this. And so they couldn't
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  collaborate. They just had to do it as they
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  remembered it 20 plus years later.
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  And what I got back was this letter from my dad, which kind
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  of struck me to the core because he was saying all these same
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  things that I hear dad saying now.
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  He knew it was a problem, but he minimized it for a long time.
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  My mom was, you know, seeing it on a more ground level.
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  He was, you know, working, traveling a lot for work.
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  And so he was, to some degree, also thinking that maybe my mom
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  was exaggerating on how bad it was or what needed to be done.
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  And so she really had to work hard for a long time to finally
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  get him on board. And just like what you're
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  describing with your parents, and you know that that rings
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  true today as well. Yeah, it's interesting, but
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  you're and it's funny how those kind of yeah, I don't know if
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  the stereotype's the right word here, but yeah, I mean that
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  pattern where the typically more resolute and authoritative are
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  the more hesitant in this in these situations.
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  You know, I was, you know, when you were doing your
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  presentation. One another thing that stood out
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  to me this time was you said we have a dress code here and it's
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  I think it's piss slap pants and in a button down shirt.
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  And a lot of these moms and dads too, I guess when they're
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  getting the packing list together, they say, well, you
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  know, he but he always wears joggers and a hoodie and you're
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  like, exactly, you know, yeah. And get him these clothes
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  because that's what they wear here.
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  That's such a it's a big deal. It is because our program is not
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  just about treating the substance use or treating the
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  mental health. Those are of course, fundamental
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  and so important, and we work hard to get diagnostic clarity
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  on those mental health things that are going on.
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  But there's this other part of it that people don't talk about
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  as much, and it's the confidence piece, the loss of purpose.
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  These guys are kind of floating now and they're not living into
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  all these things that they're so good at.
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  These guys are so smart and they're so talented and really
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  they've lost so much confidence and self worth.
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  And part of that is the way that we show up.
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  And I think it's not just on parents.
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  Socially, we've really changed the bar on what we're expecting
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  from teenagers, right? What we're expecting in school,
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  what we're expecting and their extracurriculars and how they
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  show up to those. And so we're pretty unapologetic
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  of saying you can bring joggers and you can bring hoodies.
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  And when the environment is appropriate, the situation is
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  appropriate, you can wear those. But when we're going off campus,
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  when we're presenting in other ways, there's also a different
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  dress code for those things. When you're sitting in Group,
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  it's not about sitting there and slouching.
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  The way that you build confidence is also the way that
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  you carry yourself. And you deserve to carry
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  yourself that way because you're so smart and because you're so
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  talented and because you're so capable.
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  But they don't believe that when they come in.
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  And so it's important for us that they learn that they're not
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  going to learn it overnight, but through all these little kind of
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  micro habits that they start to develop with us, they, they
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  really start to walk taller. And sometimes I I think these
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  guys have grown 6 inches while they're with us, but it's just
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  carrying themselves differently. Yeah, that's cool.
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  I mean, and it serves just the dress code part can serve, you
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  know, a multitude of purposes. You know, there's the, the, you
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  know, self respect, carrying yourself better, a little bit
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  neater, but also just kind of like not getting your way all
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  the time too, you know. I mean, that's a big thing.
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  I mean, I remember when I was, there's a person in in our field
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  who one time told me we were just talking about like work
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  stuff and she was upset about something and I was like, what
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  happened? She goes, Oh, I just didn't get
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  my way earlier and she was being funny about it.
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  But she's, you know, she's in a, a sober 14 years.
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  I mean, she's it's being funny about it, but all it's also
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  true. It's like, I mean, you know,
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  there's a, there's a pamphlet that I got in treatment called
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  King baby. And I remember reading that
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  like, Oh my God, I was 41 years old when I got so I was reading
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  this and I was like, this is me. I'm just a big baby, you know,
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  and it, and it goes back to that, like not getting our way.
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  And that sounds extreme and juvenile when it kind of is, but
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  it but that's kind of like what it's all about is like we don't
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  always get our way and how are we going to react to that?
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  Well, and for us too, it's not just the the teenager receiving
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  new forms of accountability, it's also the parents.
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  You know, we find that parents are less and less capable when
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  they come in of knowing that their child is going to
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  experience a discomfort and it is going to be uncomfortable at
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  first for them to be far from home.
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  You know, our families come from all over the country, some, you
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  know, from Hawaii to Alaska. That's hard as a parent to be so
• 17:19
  far from your child and then to imagine that they may be
• 17:23
  uncomfortable at first because they're in a new environment and
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  they're being exposed to new things or, you know, doing
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  therapy, which is uncomfortable. I mean, I still get
• 17:36
  uncomfortable and in groups and you know, I think that that's
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  what we've seen too, is not just a lack of resilience with the
• 17:45
  kids. They are, they're resilient.
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  They can build that. They don't have a lot of it when
• 17:49
  they come in, but we see that they can build that pretty
• 17:52
  quickly. But also parents just having a
• 17:56
  really hard time trusting the process and allowing them to be
• 18:02
  uncomfortable for just a little bit while they ultimately heal.
• 18:08
  Yeah. One thing you said at the
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  beginning of this, I wanted to kind of get back to just that
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  adolescent treatments very different from adult treatment.
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  And will you just talk about kind of some of the nuances,
• 18:18
  maybe the big differences and the small differences?
• 18:21
  Yeah. Well, like I said before, the
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  first one kind of out of the gate is that adolescents don't
• 18:27
  typically sign up for treatment themselves.
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  And so there's a lot of people that say, you know, if they
• 18:33
  don't want it, it's not going to work.
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  And that's just not the case with us.
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  You know, we see adolescents every day that came in not
• 18:40
  thinking that they needed at least residential treatment.
• 18:43
  They may kind of concede to their parents that they need
• 18:46
  outpatient treatment and that they're willing to go to
• 18:49
  therapy, but they're not yet at a point where they say where
• 18:52
  they're saying I need residential treatment.
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  And, and that's different. And they're because of, you
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  know, adult treatment. There are a lot of people who
• 19:03
  are often advising them that if your child doesn't want it, it
• 19:06
  won't work. And so then they're questioning
• 19:09
  their investment. They're questioning, is my child
• 19:12
  going to hate me forever if I make this decision?
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  Is he ever going to talk to me again?
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  Is he going to be traumatized by the experience?
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  And, and the answer is no, you know, if you get to the right
• 19:26
  program, if you listen to your gut as a parent and know that
• 19:32
  you're doing this to to save your child and that they're not
• 19:36
  in a place right now where they can make healthy decisions for
• 19:39
  themselves, then then you're doing the right thing and you
• 19:45
  just have to commit to it. So that's that's the first kind
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  of hurdle is getting the parents to kind of come to a place where
• 19:52
  they can make that decision without their child's buy in.
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  The second would be once they get to us because we don't have
• 20:01
  their buy in, we have to work on it.
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  You know, we have to be creative about the ways that we get their
• 20:08
  engagement. There are a lot of things that
• 20:10
  we do at Stonewater that from the outside looking in.
• 20:14
  You would say that has no therapeutic value.
• 20:17
  And we would say the therapeutic value of having a regatta where
• 20:22
  they build a boat and race it across the lake or have an
• 20:26
  entrepreneurial program or you know, have a talents and gifts
• 20:30
  initiative. We would say those are all
• 20:33
  backdoor entries to therapeutic engagement when we don't have
• 20:38
  that right away from adolescence.
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  And then like I said, the other biggest 1 is really just the
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  involvement of the family because most adolescents are
• 20:49
  going to be going back to their home.
• 20:51
  They're going to be going back to some type of academic
• 20:54
  environment. And so we also have school.
• 20:57
  Obviously, a lot of adult programs are not incorporating
• 21:00
  school. We do it not just so that we can
• 21:03
  check boxes that they're going to school, but also so we can
• 21:06
  see what stressors exist in the academic environment.
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  Because if we don't, then they're going back to school
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  and, and there's an 8 hour blind spot that we didn't even address
• 21:18
  because we don't know what school feels like for them.
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  You know, they, they may be really smart, but process
• 21:24
  information differently. ADHD, social anxiety, and school
• 21:31
  is a minefield, and if we don't do that while they're in
• 21:36
  treatment, then we miss identifying all of those things
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  that exist that we need to work on to give them tools to
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  reintegrate. Something that I noticed last
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  year and y'all talked about and then kind of stood out, stood
• 21:53
  out this year is you have AI think you you call him the
• 21:57
  headmaster. Yes, Headmaster.
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  So they have a, you have a headmaster and that and his job
• 22:03
  is to coordinate with all the respective schools where the
• 22:07
  different boys have come from, correct.
• 22:10
  To make sure that they stay current with their what a job.
• 22:14
  It's amazing. It is, you know, we have a value
• 22:17
  that is challenge the box and he really has to challenge the box
• 22:22
  and get creative with how much work can be done in the
• 22:27
  residential treatment environment, how we can make the
• 22:30
  most progress possible. But also a lot of wins we see
• 22:35
  first in the classroom because that is an area that they miss
• 22:40
  having wins. Like I said, these guys are
• 22:43
  smart and a lot of them were performing really well in the
• 22:46
  classroom and then little by little are either in the process
• 22:50
  of, you know, withdrawing from that or have long withdrawn from
• 22:58
  that engagement in a meaningful way.
• 23:00
  And I think part of it too is once they start to see it tip a
• 23:04
  little bit, they have that well, if I don't try, I don't fail,
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  you know, I'm failing is uncomfortable, but if I don't
• 23:13
  try, it's not as bad. And so they just start to really
• 23:17
  disengage from school and, and so that's tough.
• 23:22
  And also like I said, our our headmaster needs to see the kind
• 23:28
  of stressors that exist and be able to collaborate with the
• 23:33
  clinical team on how best to equip them and the family and
• 23:37
  the schools on that transition after Stonewater.
• 23:42
  Yeah, it that's that's amazing that that can be done and that I
• 23:46
  mean that guy's job. I don't envy his his job, but
• 23:50
  that's really cool that you'll I mean, that's but you're right.
• 23:52
  I mean, yeah, that would be just taking somebody that age out of
• 23:56
  life and getting better in so many ways.
• 23:58
  But having like you said, that 8 hour blind spot would be, you
• 24:01
  know, sending them back to the wolves even like maybe even in
• 24:04
  worse shape in a different way than for, you know, when they
• 24:06
  came in. But back to your point too,
• 24:09
  about that, that myth that that we've got to be ready and want
• 24:14
  it. Like I hear that all the time.
• 24:17
  We hear that all the time. And the way I look at that is,
• 24:21
  you know, in a perfect world, somebody comes to, in this case
• 24:25
  mom and dad or mom or dad, and they see the kids.
• 24:29
  The boy says, I'm really struggling.
• 24:32
  I need help. I want help.
• 24:34
  I'm at I'm at my rock bottom. What do I do?
• 24:37
  I'll do anything. Let's do it.
• 24:38
  I mean, it's never going to happen.
• 24:39
  I mean, it might, but I mean, I wouldn't count on it, you know,
• 24:42
  and even as with adults, I mean, it's so rare that it even
• 24:45
  happens with adults, you know, and it's there's that that whole
• 24:50
  thing about faking it till you make it, just doing the work.
• 24:54
  I mean that like my own experience was like, I didn't
• 24:56
  what my idea to go to treatment. I went, you know, but I but I
• 24:59
  was, I didn't want want to do it.
• 25:01
  And while I was there, I just participated.
• 25:04
  Yeah, like from a neurodevelopmental perspective,
• 25:07
  adolescence, a healthy adolescent who isn't using
• 25:11
  substances or isn't struggling with mental health issues, they
• 25:14
  still lack the neurological development that really attaches
• 25:18
  consequences to action. It is in the process of
• 25:22
  developing. And so boys are going to be in a
• 25:24
  different place than girls. Ages are going to have an
• 25:27
  impact. Genetics are going to have an
• 25:29
  impact on so many different neurological factors and, and
• 25:33
  physiological factors in this process.
• 25:35
  And so even the healthiest adolescent is going to struggle
• 25:40
  to not feel a little bit invincible.
• 25:43
  And so while adults, it's difficult to get them to that
• 25:47
  process, maybe just because emotionally they're not there
• 25:51
  with adolescence, you know, we're, we're combating nature
• 25:56
  also. So that's and, and every parent
• 25:58
  would love to sit before their child and be able to say, Hey, I
• 26:04
  love you and I'm worried about you and I'm out of my depth here
• 26:10
  and I can't help you the way that I know you need to be
• 26:13
  helped. And so I've found a place that
• 26:17
  can and has people that are going to be able to give you the
• 26:20
  tools that you need and they're going to give us the tools that
• 26:23
  we need. That would be lovely if after
• 26:27
  the end of that conversation, the child would then say, you
• 26:31
  know what, you're right. I love you too.
• 26:34
  Thank you so much. Let's go.
• 26:36
  But but they don't, they don't do that.
• 26:39
  And and that's what we wanted as a family.
• 26:42
  You know, my brother did. He told us that he would never
• 26:44
  talk to us again. He told us that if he had
• 26:48
  children, we would not have a relationship with them.
• 26:52
  And he really meant those things at the time that he said them,
• 26:56
  you know, and and that was really hard to hear because
• 27:00
  you're terrified that that is what's going to happen.
• 27:03
  But the beautiful thing is that when they start to get healthy
• 27:07
  and you start getting your brother back or your child back,
• 27:11
  that relationship is better than you ever even could have
• 27:15
  imagined it would be. And so that's what we really try
• 27:18
  and help families understand is we know how it feels.
• 27:24
  We've been there, like you said at the beginning, that is today,
• 27:29
  the worst day of my life, having, you know, watching my
• 27:33
  brother go to treatment. And like you said, it's also in
• 27:37
  a way the best day and that it really started us all on this
• 27:42
  journey. And one thing that I thought of
• 27:46
  earlier when you were talking is as a sibling, no one, you know,
• 27:53
  no one said to me, this is impacting you.
• 27:56
  This is trauma for you. And so I wasn't equipped with
• 28:00
  any tools myself. And 10 years into my brother's
• 28:05
  recovery, I was living in New York at the time.
• 28:08
  And I went to a movie with friends, and there was, you
• 28:16
  know, someone who was using substances in the movie and kind
• 28:20
  of had derailed his life. And I just started having what I
• 28:26
  know now is almost like a panic attack.
• 28:28
  I started. I convinced myself that my
• 28:32
  brother was in a gutter somewhere.
• 28:35
  They'd relapsed. So I'll leave the theater.
• 28:38
  I start calling him on loop. He's not answering.
• 28:41
  And so with every call, he doesn't answer.
• 28:43
  I go further down that spiral of believing that he's relapsed.
• 28:52
  I'm calling every family member. They're not answering.
• 28:55
  So, you know, I could not withdraw myself from this
• 29:00
  downward spiral until I finally, which in my case was, you know,
• 29:03
  about 3045 minutes later, talked to someone who could tell me
• 29:07
  that he was OK. Everyone's OK, but I didn't have
• 29:11
  a single tool. I didn't know any breathing
• 29:14
  techniques. I didn't no one had ever said to
• 29:18
  me, this has impacted you and this might happen.
• 29:21
  This is PTSD and may show up today or it may show up 10 years
• 29:27
  from now, but you need tools. And so, you know, I really, my
• 29:32
  message to families is always make sure siblings are, you
• 29:37
  know, taken care of in this process too, that they're
• 29:40
  brought into it, that they're educated on it.
• 29:42
  Other family members who are impacted, make sure you get
• 29:45
  tools that you need also. I'm so glad that you not that
• 29:51
  you had that experience, but that it led to you, you know,
• 29:54
  embracing the tools and and you know, this, I feel like almost
• 29:58
  every episode of this podcast, this comes up in one way or
• 30:02
  another about how family so often, if they do are, are
• 30:08
  presented with any kind of help for themselves.
• 30:11
  So often they think of it as some kind of punitive thing
• 30:14
  where like, like in your case, like, well, you know, my brother
• 30:17
  was the one who was, you know, who was burning it all down.
• 30:20
  Why do I have to do this? And it's like this isn't, it's
• 30:25
  to help you, you know, and people get to find their own
• 30:27
  recovery and serenity through without having to be the one who
• 30:31
  was the, the addict or the alcoholic, you know?
• 30:36
  Yeah. It's just so important and it's
• 30:39
  a, it's a big part of our program.
• 30:41
  And I think there are also messages that we have part of
• 30:45
  the therapy that our families do is with other families, those
• 30:49
  families that are in our program currently and families that are,
• 30:54
  you know, years down the road. And that's so powerful because
• 31:01
  there are messages that a parent hears very differently from our
• 31:06
  staff than they hear from another parent.
• 31:09
  And there are times when I hear a parent, you know, we've said
• 31:16
  the same thing 5 * 5 different ways and they're not hearing it.
• 31:20
  And then they'll hear another parent say that same thing and
• 31:24
  they, the light bulb come comes on and they say, oh, that's a
• 31:27
  great idea, I love that. And that's fine with us.
• 31:32
  Like, however, whatever it takes for you to hear it, it's the
• 31:35
  same way with our guys that, you know, adolescents are wired to
• 31:39
  be impacted more by peers than during any other stage of
• 31:44
  development. Peer influence, as any
• 31:47
  adolescent parent will know, is disproportionate and paramount.
• 31:52
  And so we really leverage that in this really positive way to
• 31:56
  allow them to also support and mentor one another through the
• 32:00
  process because there are messages that they hear from
• 32:04
  their peers that they won't receive the same way from from
• 32:08
  us, from our team or from their own parents.
• 32:11
  I love how you don't care how they get that.
• 32:14
  They get that or, you know, accept that information because,
• 32:18
  you know, it'd be tempting to be like, well, we've been telling
• 32:21
  you that the whole time. You know, no, no, I told you,
• 32:23
  says here. Just as long as you got the
• 32:25
  message. Yeah, So Stonewater right now is
• 32:30
  residential treatment for up to you Tell tell us and tell us
• 32:34
  what you're also adding. Yes.
• 32:36
  So 12 to 18 year olds, we can take 18 year olds outright kind
• 32:42
  of depending on states, they may not always be able to, but a lot
• 32:45
  of 18 year olds are still living at home, they're still in
• 32:48
  school. And it's really much more
• 32:50
  appropriate for them to be in an adolescent environment than in
• 32:54
  sort of an 18 plus environment. And so we love that we get the
• 32:59
  opportunity to to treat 12 to 18 year old boys and just all the
• 33:04
  dynamics that come with that and the way that they can support
• 33:06
  each other as peers. Like I said, peer impact is a
• 33:10
  huge part of our program. They are coming with, you know,
• 33:16
  anxiety, depression, the substance use is one thing,
• 33:20
  trauma, PTSD, even suicidality in many cases.
• 33:26
  It's the guys might have a misdiagnosis.
• 33:30
  You know, a lot of our guys come in with ADHD diagnosis and the
• 33:36
  parents are just kind of beating their heads against the wall
• 33:39
  because they tried medications and they don't work or they've
• 33:42
  tried these other things and they don't work.
• 33:44
  And what we find is it was actually anxiety presenting as
• 33:49
  ADHD or trauma presenting as ADHD.
• 33:54
  And, and then some of the guys do truly have an ADHD diagnosis
• 33:59
  and we want to make sure they have the right supports in
• 34:01
  place. So now our program is really
• 34:04
  focused not just on the progress that they're going to make while
• 34:06
  they're on our campus, but what can we equip them with for long
• 34:10
  term success and, and stay in contact with them for as long as
• 34:15
  they'll let us through our app, through our alumni community.
• 34:22
  And then what we saw back to sort of the peer mentorship
• 34:26
  piece is that often as guys are about to graduate from the
• 34:31
  Stonewater program, they are having having this immeasurable
• 34:35
  impact on their peers and then they aren't really ready to go
• 34:41
  home. We would say that they need sort
• 34:43
  of a transitional place before they go home.
• 34:45
  The families also need a bit more time to learn the tools to
• 34:49
  reintegrate them into the home and, but, but there's not always
• 34:54
  the right fit or place to send them.
• 34:56
  And so we are launching the Stonewater Summit program, which
• 35:00
  we're so excited about, which is a transitional program with
• 35:05
  separate living, separate clinical programming, separate
• 35:09
  academic, academic programming on our campus, but with some
• 35:14
  really intentional integration points for our Summit guys to
• 35:20
  connect with our, you know, residential guys at Stonewater
• 35:25
  to influence their buy in, influence their overall
• 35:31
  trajectory in the program. And then they get so much
• 35:35
  confidence as well from getting to pour in.
• 35:38
  One of our values is serve the lead.
• 35:40
  And so it's this wonderful way for they for them to kind of
• 35:45
  look beyond themselves and get that feel good from doing good
• 35:49
  and pouring into someone else. Love it.
• 35:53
  Well, I just want to say again, I've been there twice.
• 35:58
  I've gotten to know you and Brian and your parents who are
• 36:01
  degree over the last few years and they do amazing work.
• 36:05
  And I just can't speak highly enough about the Fikes and
• 36:11
  Stonewater. And just want to say thank you
• 36:13
  so much for being here today and thank you for having me down
• 36:16
  there twice. And it's always a pleasure to
• 36:19
  get to see you, even if it's just on a computer screen.
• 36:22
  Yeah, thank you so much for for coming and for having me here
• 36:26
  today and asking thoughtful questions.
• 36:30
  It's just so important for people to, you know, I think see
• 36:36
  the other side of it and see what leads to these really
• 36:39
  difficult decisions. And it's nice to hear from other
• 36:42
  people who've been there. And I've loved getting to know
• 36:45
  you and your story and all the great work that you guys do too.
• 36:49
  Awesome. Well, thank you so much.
• 36:51
  And before we do go, just tell us, how do we find you in
• 36:55
  Stonewater? Yes.
• 36:56
  So Stonewater, our website, isstonewaterrecovery.com and our
• 37:03
  team is available. We have, you know, you can reach
• 37:08
  out to us and we'd love to help you.
• 37:11
  And we spent a lot of time vetting other adolescent
• 37:13
  programs as well. So even if it's not for an
• 37:16
  adolescent boy or even, you know, a young adult, we love to
• 37:20
  just connect other families with good resources.
• 37:25
  Awesome. Well, Elizabeth Fikes, thank you
• 37:27
  so much for your time today, and I look forward to seeing you
• 37:29
  soon. Yeah, I'll see you soon.
• 37:31
  Bye. Thank you.
• 37:33
  If you liked what you heard today or just want to know more,
• 37:35
  give us a call on 9196708119 or visit us at
• 37:40
  newwatersrecovery.com. Thank you.