Latest / Twin Mom Life / Tips for Raising Twins From a Twin: Courtney Brinson on Personality Dynamics & Conflict Management

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Tips for Raising Twins From a Twin: Courtney Brinson on Personality Dynamics & Conflict Management · Twin Mom Life

• Courtney Brinson: my brother and this will make me cry, he starts crying. So we're just standing there. And we're both crying 'cause I mean like it's just hard to describe. how amazing it is to be a twin. It's even better being a mom. Jess Sittig: You're gonna make me cry. Jessielee Sittig: Hello and Welcome to the Twin Mom Life podcast. I'm your host, Jess. I created this podcast to help build community, connection, and most importantly, friendships among moms of multiples. Being a twin mom can be amazing and magical. That twin bond is unlike anything I've ever witnessed, but it can also be isolating and overwhelming. I'll be chatting with other twin moms, diving deep into the twin experience. giving advice on what works for us so you don't have to learn the hard way. Juggling two babies at the same time is challenging, but I'm confident we can learn from each other and figure out how to raise these babies together. Jess Sittig: welcome to the podcast. So today we have Courtney. Courtney Brinson: Thank you. Jess Sittig: How are you doing? Courtney Brinson: I'm so good, how are you? Jess Sittig: I'm good. I'm so excited to have you on. We have had one thing scheduled and then I had to cancel because my son was sick and and life. So I'm so happy that we are finally here and chatting. Yes. Okay. Can you tell Courtney Brinson: I am two Yeah, this will be fun. Jess Sittig: us a little a little bit about yourself? Courtney Brinson: Yeah, of course. Okay, so I am a mom of three. My oldest is three. My twins are sixteen months old. And I am a twin myself. I have a twin brother. So when I found out I was having twins, I was absolutely thrilled. It was my dream come true. And yeah, I have loved the experience. And now I make content on Instagram and TikTok that I just talk about. raising twins and my goal with that is to connect with other twin moms especially and give them the support that I wish my parents had had when we were growing up and give them that love and just like let them know, you know, that what they're experiencing is normal and also that what they gave their twins is the greatest gift that they could have possibly given anyone. So when they feel that like mom guilt or, you know, all of the things that we feel and like I'm not I've never not experienced it. I you know, I I've had moments where I felt guilty 'cause I was holding one and not the other and I I feel that, but at the same time I remind myself of what I gave my twins and I'm like, you know, it's just y you you don't want to steal from your own joy with the guilt that comes with the things that you have to do. when you're a mom and the decisions you have to make, the priorities and all of that stuff. It is such a cool experience and it's been so healing for me as someone who we had a very crazy childhood. Our parents got divorced when we were just toddlers and my older sister was five. We were two. So single parents, low income lot of stress and adding twins on top of that. Like the Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: things that twin moms are concerned about now. I lived that whenever we were kids and I can tell you that my twin brother and I are the best of friends through it all. and he got me through so many things. I got him through others and I just want to help twin moms feel seen and love the experience, understand their twins and just give them everything that I wish I could have given my parents when we were kids and they needed it. Jess Sittig: Hmm. I love that. And I love your content. I know you have like videos in a series now about raising twins from a twin. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: And they are so helpful and really insightful. And there have been so many topics where I was like, Wow, I actually hadn't thought about that. I think I feel like you posted one recently about them getting bullied from other kids for being twins Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: and like that close bond. And I guess I like right now our our biggest like quote unquote issues are like their love-hate relationship. being they love Courtney Brinson: For sure. For sure. Jess Sittig: so hard and then when they fight, they fight hard. So we're like I haven't even thought of outside yes. Courtney Brinson: If it's like the external stuff because right now they're so young and they're in the internal phase and you're it's the early years I would say, like until they're five, as a mom, you feel so much stress and then all of a sudden they just I mean, when you send them out into the world, it's like They have each other's back. You never thought about it because they've been butting heads, but what they do when they're they're babies and toddlers, obviously they're still going through the normal human emotions of like, I want my mom and I want my mom. well that you know, then they're gonna compete with each other for your attention, your one person. And that's where the mom guilt sets in because you feel like you're failing them, but all of that time I don't have a single memory. from any of those days, all of my memories start when we were like four and Jess Sittig: Hm. Courtney Brinson: then we were sent into the world and we had each other's back. And that's when, you know, those external things come in and when your twins have each other's back, like as a mom, you have like the security blanket of their relationship because no one comes between them. And all of the stuff that you are worried about in the house, you know, my brother and I kinda had a code. It was like, if we're in the house, like we'll butt heads if we want to. We go out of that house, it is us against the world. So yeah. Jess Sittig: Yeah, I love that. That's so sweet. And I so my boys are only three, so still very young. And I was telling you off air, they're actually starting a little preschool in September. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: And I'm excited and nervous, but I was a big advocate to keep them together. And maybe Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I'll feel differently when they're older. But right now I'm just like they're three. I feel like they Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: need each other. And I love hearing that. Courtney Brinson: It's Jess Sittig: That that was your experience. Courtney Brinson: that's yeah. So I mean my twin and I and I've talked about this on my content before too is just like separating your twins. And so many people think all twins need to be separated or all twins need to be the same. And all of everyone thinks that ev you know, twins is one thing and they forget that your twins are your kids. You know, it's like twins Twins, like as a concept, I think people get parents often get so stressed by the concept of twins that they forget that it's just two of their kids. So Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm, yeah. Courtney Brinson: when you know your kid, which the only person that knows their kid that deeply is mom and dad, right? And especially mom. And when you know your kids, you know i you know, if you trust that you know your kids and not that somebody else that knows twins, you know, you can take advice about like twins, but at the end of the day if you don't understand it and you're like, well my twins thrive when they're together. They should be together. And then somebody else's twins just they goof off or something. It's kind of about the focus, like where can they focus the most. And when they're young, it's just about fun. I mean at the end of the day, you know, at three years old, let them have fun, let them bond, let them like play, let them get mischievous because they're gonna know how to sing the ABCs. They're gonna know how to count. They're gonna know how to do all of the things. You know, you you rarely have a time where your toddler's gonna sit there and just be really attentive to you teaching them something. So instead of doing that and stressing about that, which we often do, we just you teach them throughout the day, but you teach them relationship, you teach them the life lessons at home, like with their twin. And when you send them off, like if you want together, keep together. If you think they thrive apart, keep apart. But it's about communicating to your twins, remembering that they're two very sentient humans, even though you don't re you know, sometimes you're like, my gosh, three is a tough age 'cause they're like half sentient, half like you're a child. And Jess Sittig: Yes, yes. Courtney Brinson: but it's fun. And yeah, I think that's that's a big thing for twin parents is just know that, you know, The way you communicate it is really important, but also you have to trust your intuition on that over some blanket rule that twins need to be separated at all times. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think that's such good advice. And that's why I'm loving this like series that you're talking about. Because some some things I'm like, okay, I have thought about that and I love your input. And then some things I'm like, that is something I hadn't thought about because we're not there yet. But it's great to start thinking Courtney Brinson: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: about of like how we're gonna handle that and and stuff. But okay, Courtney Brinson: For sure. Jess Sittig: we are already getting into the meat of it. And before we get too far ahead, I would love to know if you had a chance to fill your cup today. Courtney Brinson: I went shopping with my oldest. Her and I went to Target and Home Depot 'cause I'm gonna redo her room soon. So yes, I did. I wanted to get some one on one time with her 'cause we rarely get that and yeah, so that was how I do that. Jess Sittig: I love that. That's so sweet. I actually saw your Instagram stories about the pink colors and that's so fun. We just redid Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Ugh yeah. So fun. Jess Sittig: my daughter's room with like the same, same vibe. She had Courtney Brinson: Mm, I love it. Yes. Jess Sittig: like a big decal behind her bed and it was peeling off. So we took it off and the wall is Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Okay, fun. Jess Sittig: like immediately needs to be repainted. Courtney Brinson: Ha Jess Sittig: So we picked a pink, and as me and my husband are painting it, he like me and my daughter went to Sherman Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: Williams and picked it out and everything. And we're painting and he goes like, Does this kind of give like Peptobism all pink? And I was like, my gosh, a little bit, yes. Courtney Brinson: Well, it's so hard. I'm like I go back and forth 'cause we picked out so many different colors and I let her pick, but I'm like, okay, well like she also picked like like a yellowy brown color and I like, you know, she's just picking out the different cards and I'm like, You like Jess Sittig: Sure. Courtney Brinson: she's like, I love pink. I'm like, let me pick out some pink. So of course my husband's gonna be doing all the work but I'm like, you know I'm like, hey, Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: a project for us to do by us, I mean, I'll get the kids. You're painting. Yeah. Jess Sittig: Right. And you're like, and here you go. So we just did one wall, like, especially with pink. And like we Courtney Brinson: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: did kind of a darker pink. And I will tell you, once the paint dried, and then we did a second coat, it was less, it looks much better. Like at first I was worried Courtney Brinson: Good. yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: and I feel like it settled down now. And then once you put things Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: back on the wall, you put the shelves back up and the mirror back up, you're like, okay, this like is fine. Courtney Brinson: For sure. Jess Sittig: but we just did it and during nap time I mm-hmm, it was great. Nap time, you know, you can get so much stuff done. So Courtney Brinson: Yes. That's my goal. I love that. I get so much done during nap time, especially I've had my Let's see my twins are sixteen months old. They've been on one nap since they were like I wanna say ten months old. They've all taken the same ten I don't know why. Somebody was like, That's so early and I was like, you know, we just go on vibes in this house, like three under three, like I mean three under Jess Sittig: Yes. Yes. Courtney Brinson: two when they were born it was three under two and I was like, you know, we just we rock and roll. I don't follow I don't Google schedules, we just go on, you know, what it is. Jess Sittig: Yeah. And having I didn't have two under two, but I had three under three. So I feel you on that. Courtney Brinson: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: And I think things got a lot easier when they were on one nap because then everything aligns and you get longer time. So yes, absolutely. Courtney Brinson: yeah. yeah. You get some time, yeah, for sure. Jess Sittig: well I love that you got one-on-one time with your oldest. That is so special. And I'm gonna do that with my daughter later. So she starts school. In two weeks, so we're gonna do some back to school shopping this afternoon. So I'm excited. I guess it'll Courtney Brinson: Thoughts are fun. Jess Sittig: be with my mom, also. So it'll be like a girls' afternoon. Yes, she is very excited, Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Love that. That's necessary. That's awesome. Jess Sittig: and I'm so that will fill my cup. And also this morning, my daughter had kind of like softball tryouts. I guess they're more of like assessments. You did. my gosh, she Courtney Brinson: I played softball. Tell me all about it, yes. Jess Sittig: is so So excited, and I will tell you, I was a little intimidated at first. So my whole life I did like gymnastics and cheer and dance. So Courtney Brinson: Okay. Jess Sittig: a sport with a ball is a little bit of like I was just like a little overwhelmed. Yeah. And I want to encourage Courtney Brinson: And she's your oldest too, so you're like, Okay, I'm a girl mom but we're doing sports Jess Sittig: like whatever she wants to play. She's done gymnastics, and I'm like, this is my safe space, right? Like I can practice cartwheels with you Courtney Brinson: Yes, yeah. Jess Sittig: and handstands. And we went last week to Dick's Sporting Goods to like pick out her her Courtney Brinson: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: glove and her bat. And I was like, my gosh, I don't even know what to do. But we had so much fun Courtney Brinson: my gosh. Jess Sittig: today. And just seeing her always wanting to practice in the backyard and my husband's having so much fun with it, she had an absolute blast. She kept calling today a game. It was not, it wasn't a game that. Courtney Brinson: That is so cute. I love that. And she's got two two brothers that are just gonna love it too. that's the best. Jess Sittig: It was fun. They, you know, we just like sat in the the stands and there's like gravel, so we brought some trucks and they had a great time. It was a it was easier than I thought. I was kind of like, Courtney Brinson: Cool. Yeah. Jess Sittig: gosh, I'm gonna have to try to entertain them the whole time, but I want to be able to watch her. And no, they were they Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: were happy with their rocks and trucks, and we got to watch her and it's Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: just fun seeing your kid try new things. And I mean, she's pretty good at it for. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. How cool. Jess Sittig: just starting. So I don't know if softball will be her thing, but it was really fun. And that was Courtney Brinson: I mean that's awesome. Like something like that. Team sports, like all of that is is so good. Especially having twin siblings that are younger, like you see that relationship that they will always have and as like the singleton oldest. you want that. Like you see that and you're like, okay, you kinda crave that more 'cause you're like, I need, you know, something and I think team sports is great for that 'cause you build bonds with like friends and that kind of thing outside of school Jess Sittig: Yes. Courtney Brinson: or outside of anything serious. And that would be really good for her. And also fun. Jess Sittig: Yeah, she was excited and loved it. And it was it was really fun to see her be excited about something. So yeah, Courtney Brinson: How cool. Jess Sittig: that was that was cup filling. And it's funny because I feel like normally, you know, of course my kids fill my cup, but normally I'm trying to focus on like doing something for me. So I think it's Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: fun that both of ours are kind of aligned with like this weekend our children filled our cup and that's what we needed. And that's important too. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Yes. Yes. Aria. Yeah. Jess Sittig: Yeah. I love that. Okay. So I just want to know like if you know ball. Courtney Brinson: Yes, yeah. So we surprised. I had never made content before, by the way. and Jess Sittig: Was that your first video? Courtney Brinson: that was so the full thing, so I used to work at TikTok back in the day. So Jess Sittig: Okay, okay. Courtney Brinson: before I like I still worked for them until I like finished Matt Leave. And so like I was around content creators all the time and like advertisers and all of the thing, but I had never I had only posted video the last video that I posted was like the same day, like March 6th of 22. And so the day that my twins were born, we surprised first his mom, my husband's mom at the hospital that we had twins. The next day, because my my dad and my stepmom were watching my oldest at the house, so the next day, the entire Next day we surprised my dad. My twin knew the whole time, by the way, because I couldn't keep it from him. but we had I had like had my sister-in-law, she she knew and she was filming and we posted that. I just like put it on TikTok just because whatever. And they went mega viral. And I was like, that's so funny. Like that was hilarious. Jess Sittig: Yes, like how many how many views does that have? Courtney Brinson: The one of my mother in law was like sixty-five million views. Yeah. The one of Jess Sittig: Shut up. You know. Courtney Brinson: my my parents or my dad and my stepmom was like I think twelve or thirteen million. It was insane. And I was like, that's so funny. Did not expect it. Jess Sittig: That is so wild. Okay, so we need to we need to like rewind. You need to bring me back to the spot, first of all, when you found out you were pregnant with twins, and then Courtney Brinson: Okay, yeah. Jess Sittig: the journey and the decision to keep it a secret. Courtney Brinson: Okay, okay, I got you 'cause I think this is so fun for twin moms. I need you to know this. So I was traveling for work and I continue to travel for work a lot. I worked for TikTok and I traveled internationally like every two weeks for two weeks. So I was Jess Sittig: wow. Courtney Brinson: I was gone and come back, gone, come back. So with my first pregnant see my my first daughter I like knew I was pregnant. I was like okay I'm I just felt it whatever and then tested negative like three times and then I finally tested positive. It was kind of weird. And then with my twins had no idea I was pregnant but I was just you know you look at yourself and you're like my goodness like why am I so big right now? I just felt so bloated I laughed at my husband I like I am so bloated And I'm supposed to go, I'm supposed to get on a plane to Toronto the next day. And I was just like, okay, I'll just take a test, whatever. And he wasn't home. This was like in the morning. And actually the day that I found out I we I didn't know I was pregnant. The day that I found out, I was listening to a podcast about a lady that was so stressed out because she was going through IVF and she was just feeling all of the things and I was like okay. I called my husband, I was like, Can we just try for a baby? Because I don't wanna wait, you know, I don't I I was like, I really want another baby and I just I was like listening to this story and I was like, you know, we are taking for granted like this situation where I I don't know, I just all those things where you're just terrified and So I go to work, I come back home and randomly was just like, Why am I so big and why have I peed forty five times today? You know, like how weird. I took a test and it was positive. I put it on the counter, I did not believe it was gonna be positive, so I just took it so casually, put it on a counter and just you know, you know, usually when you take a pregnancy test, you're like your heart is beating so hard 'cause you're like, Whatever whatever the result is. Jess Sittig: Sure. You're like timing it. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: And I literally I set it on the counter, washed my hands, like walked out, and I walked back in and looked at it and I said wholly explicited. I was just like, What? Like what are the odds that I listened to this podcast, I'm like in tears on the way to work. I asked my husband, so he thought I knew. Like he thought I knew and was just messing with him because I d I'll tell you this in a second. I love to mess. Like we we mess around. It was like, you know, twins MO, okay. So anyway, I'm crying. I'm so happy. I'm s shocked. But I didn't know it was twins. I'm just thinking, like, wow, I am bloated. Like, this is insane. But second pregnancy, whatever. My husband gets home. I'm supposed to go to Toronto. So I didn't tell him that night because I'm supposed to fly out. And whenever I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, my oldest, I was in New York. So I got him like a New York onesie to surprise him. So I was like, I'll get him something from Toronto. Well, my flight gets Jess Sittig: That's cute. Courtney Brinson: Yeah, I know. Well the flight gets cancelled. and I'm feeling horrible anyway. So I'm like, you know what? Like this is a God thing. I get back home and from the airport, 'cause I sat in the airport for three hours. I get back home, I'm feeling horrible. And then my husband gets home and I was like, you know what, I was gonna do something fun, but I'm pregnant and he's like, What? you know, so that was so fun. We're just like very excited. I go to the doctor I think two weeks later and I told my husband specifically, I was like, Don't come because the last time when I was pregnant with my first, we were so excited, he came and they just had me pee in a cup. And then they were like, Okay, Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: you're pregnant and I was like, Well, I did this at home. Like, what are you doing? No, ultrasound. Exactly. Jess Sittig: Sure. So no ultrasound or anything. Okay. Courtney Brinson: So I was like, you know what, you can just go to the first ultrasound appointment, but like you don't need to come to this. My daughter comes because she's sick, because at daycare, you know, they're constantly sick. So she's with me. And I'm laying on the table getting an ultrasound, which was a surprise. So I'm like, that's so funny. They're giving me an ultrasound. And I'm not even looking at it because my daughter's like in the corner and I'm just making sure she's entertained. And the doctor goes, You are pregnant with twins. And I look I triple tainted over there and I was like, You are kidding me right now. And I just immediately started crying. And the doctor is like, Are you okay? Like she just obviously she's like, I'm sure she's seen this reaction once or twice. And I'm like, this is my dream come true. I told her I'm I am a twin. Jess Sittig: No. Courtney Brinson: I could not be more happy right now. This is like the literal I've dreamed about this since I was a teenager. And it Jess Sittig: Hmm, that's so sweet. Courtney Brinson: was so cool. this is like nine AM. My husband was supposed to get off work early that day, but like things came up so he ended up a later day and I like, I have to tell him this in person because this is like big news and also Jess Sittig: Sure. Courtney Brinson: like I'm shocking him in person. We're not doing Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: this over the phone. So he comes home, he had a later night, we're sitting there eating dinner and I was like, y I got an ultrasound today and he was like, really? And I was like, Do you wanna see it? And he's like, Sure, like That's fine. You know, I mean he's like interested but also like he's seen an ultrasound before. Jess Sittig: Sure. Right. Like babies healthy, great. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. And so I walk in with it and he's like holding it and he goes, Does Does this mean there's two of them? And I lost it. I was like, my gosh, this is so funny And I mean we were it was so funny and he's literally that night he looks at me and goes, Wouldn't it be funny if we like we didn't say anything? And I was like, I am absolutely in on this. Do you think we could do it? And he's like I think so. I like, okay, but I have to tell my brother and 'cause my twin, I have to tell my twin at some point. I was like, I have to tell him. He has to know 'cause th it was gonna be so special. And so we're just giggling because number one, I I I think like as twins, tw like I'm a twin, my husband's not, but like twins, we love a good surprise and like just really it It was one of those things where it was our second pregnancy and we have a ton of like our our parents have a ton of grandkids already. So I was like, that would be really fun if we were just like and also, but at the same time I will say my my oldest sister had just gone through a miscarriage. She was due Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: the literal day that I ended up having my twins. And Jess Sittig: man. Courtney Brinson: so it was just one of those things where I was like you know, we were seriously talking about like we like, that'd be fun then I was like, you know what, like to be blessed with two two babies and this gonna make me cry, but to be blessed with two babies at the same time that my oldest is going through. She was going through IVF, she was going through like all of the things and she had had, you know, a loss. And it was just like it's just not the time in our family. And then it was like, you know, maybe we could make this really special the day that we have make it more of like finding out then. But at the time it was just like, you know, I don't know. It it's one of those things, growing up as a twin with an older sister, and I can get into this like in a bit too, but when you're a twin you already take away so much attention from the oldest. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: And when you're a twin you feel that guilt. Like Jess Sittig: Hmm. Courtney Brinson: You do. You know, it's twin moms, you have guilt of like that. When you're a twin, especially a female twin, especially a female twin that's like very empathetic, I felt that guilt so hard. And I was like, you Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: know, this is just another thing that I'm taking away from my sister. That's how I felt and I like Yeah, okay, so we will just make this like a really big fun thing on the day of and you know, it's gonna be really fun celebrations. That was kind of like the why behind it really, was just like we love We love fun surprises, but we also like, you know, it's just when you have a lot of things going on in your life, and I was, you know, keeping it a secret was was not as hard as I think it would have been for other families. My parents live in Dallas. We at the time lived in Austin, so they lived three hours away. my mother-in-law lives in Houston area, which is where we're at currently now, but we we moved mid. So we we just didn't see plus I was I was still traveling internationally for Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: two weeks on, two weeks off, like most of the pregnancy until I literally Jess Sittig: Wow. Courtney Brinson: could not anymore and like had to come home. So it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And then it became like, okay, I'm so excited to like we could not wait for the moment. We're like, this is gonna be so fun. But yeah, we ended up surprising them. That was fun. I and but I told my brother in October, so we found out in August and then I saw my brother at a wedding and like we talked all the time but I was like I have to tell him in person. My best Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: friend was getting married and they were at the wedding obviously. And so I I was like I looked at my husband I was like you know, I'm gonna tell him and my brother and this will make me cry, he starts crying. So we're just standing there. And we're both crying 'cause I mean like it's just hard to describe. how amazing it is to be a twin. It's even better being a mom. Jess Sittig: You're gonna make me cry. Courtney Brinson: No, I know. And like anyway, so we're both crying there, holding hands. My dad comes up. He's obviously not. We're not telling my dad. And so I said, You bet you gotta lock in. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: And so we've just made something up and like there was one time where the surprise almost got ruined at that wedding, which was so funny because if we I played it off like you wouldn't believe This guy came up and said, I heard you were pregnant with twins, one of my my friends groomsmen, because they knew, like, you know, we told random people, but not, you know, parents or whatever. Any like anybody that was like close to us didn't know, but like random people. And I was like, no, I said, I'm a twin. This is my twin. Here's my dad and they were like, that's so funny. And at the time my brother didn't know, so like five minutes later I told my brother and he was like, You played that off so well and like I was like Jess Sittig: Impressive. Like the Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I don't know if I I actually I know I couldn't have done that. I just feel Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: like I I'm just impressed in so many ways. Like, first of all, how special. I just talking to you, like I know that my boy's bond is really special. I'm gonna cry saying this. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: But I think it is every parent's dream. To see their kids grow up and have this like unshakable bond with their siblings. And Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Siblings, yeah. Jess Sittig: then I think it's just like amplified with twins. So like hearing Courtney Brinson: It's it is, yeah. Jess Sittig: you talk about your brother makes me so emotional because Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I can just feel the the deep bond and love that you guys have for each other. And it is so special. Courtney Brinson: As a mom, it's just it's incredible. Yeah. Jess Sittig: I have some follow-up questions on the logistics here. Courtney Brinson: yeah. Jess Sittig: it makes sense how you were saying like both of your parents weren't necessarily like next door neighbors. So it's not like they're coming over and and things, but for like your baby shower and your registry, how did you okay, okay. Courtney Brinson: We didn't do one. We did not do one. 'Cause I was gone. I mean, and we were like, you know, at the time Like we were we were both working, we were fine on and c you it was just one of those things where I like, if we're gonna do this so we hid all of the extra stuff. we Jess Sittig: Right. Courtney Brinson: just like bought it, put it in the attic or whatever, which, you know, funny enough, you know dads, right? Like dads, grandpa's they wanna check out every attic in every house. You know, so my dad we moved Jess Sittig: Why is that? That's Courtney Brinson: men, I don't know, it's like at some point in their life they're like I don't know if it's forty, like whatever age this happens, but so w in order for me to be a stay-at-home mom, which was my goal because whenever I my oldest started getting seizures right before I was pregnant with our twins. And it was just like, my goodness, like it was too much. And I was like I feebral seizures are genetic. I know you've had experience. And just thinking of, okay, now I'm gonna ex I'm gonna expose my twins to the chance of this. None of us were well and I was just like, this is miserable. my husband changed jobs to where, you know, we were like, what do we need to do so that I can be a stay-at-home mom? My my husband switched jobs, we moved houses, we moved cities, and so while we're moving all this stuff, him and I, while I was twenty nine weeks pregnant, we moved we packed up the entire house while our oldest was sleeping. and put it all in the U Haul. And then the next morning we left. We did not sleep. I was so pregnant. But it was just him and I like lifting all this stuff. And my husband obviously he's getting most Jess Sittig: my gosh. Courtney Brinson: of the weight. But like we were doing it 'cause I'm determined, if nothing else. So we get to Katie, which is outside of Houston. We like move in and my dad and my stepmom come and they're checking it out. Well, we've got extra cribs, we've got a you know, a twin bassinet, we got off marketplace, we've got all this stuff. And he's like, What how many attic you got in this place? I was like, You would ask that? Are you serious? And so we're upstairs, we have an attic upstairs, we have an attic, like where do you have to like unlock the door? And my husband's like, Jess Sittig: Mm, yes. Courtney Brinson: Well, we actually don't have the key for that right now. And so he he never asked it again, but we were cracking up 'cause we were like I n I told my husband I like, We gotta prepare an answer because he's gonna wanna check out that attic. I promise you, he's gonna get in that attic and start looking around. He's determined. yeah. Yeah. Let me just inspect. Jess Sittig: That is such a dad thing to do. Like, let me go check the water heater and make sure the attic is secure. Courtney Brinson: Like every area of that was from like dad. Like I knew that was gonna be the one thing, you know, it's like But then my oldest was also she was a a big baby. She was nine pounds at birth. So I was I was a Jess Sittig: my Courtney Brinson: large lady with my with my oldest. And then with my twins, I was actually smaller because I changed my diet when I was with my twins to where I was I was like actually paying attention to what I was eating. And so I I gained like my twins were six and seven pounds when they were born, just under six and seven pounds. So you're still like a lot Jess Sittig: great, wait. Courtney Brinson: were great weights and but my oldest was nine pounds so I was just like I just told my family this is a whopper and the the last thing that was funny was I got induced at 37 weeks we had been sharing like bump updates every week and no one had asked me like no one had been like that's kind of weird and at the very my 37 yeah Jess Sittig: Mm like why thirty seven? Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: and so my dad and my stepmom are sitting in our living room room the night I'm about to go in to get induced and my dad just randomly goes, How many weeks pregnant are you? And I was like, thirty seven. And he's like, Thirty seven? Why aren't you is everything why aren't you going to forty? And I'm like, man. And I was like, Well, it's a big baby. It's a real big baby and they're quite concerned. So we're going in and he obviously like, why would he think it was not, you know So he goes Jess Sittig: Sure. Like why would he push past? Courtney Brinson: Yeah. And so he's like, Okay, yeah and then so we obviously like then two days later 'cause he had to wait an extra day to find out. And, you know, I'll never forget him holding my two babies in the hospital. I mean he was flabbergasted. but he was he was tearing up and, you know, like he doesn't cry, you know, and he's like, I have always wanted one of my kids to have twins. And Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: I think that's so special because, you know, growing up as a twin you you always saw kind of like almost like the burden of it or you're like, my gosh, like I hope you know you I mean you don't feel it necessarily until you're like older as like a teenager you're like, okay, that's that's a lot. I mean my parents were divorced when we were tall that like they went through a lot when we were little kids and I didn't know how much my dad loved being a twin parent. And he's holding my two babies and he's tearing up and he's like, I always wanted one of you guys to experience what it was like and I was just like, like I didn't know. You loved it that Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: much, you know? And Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: That's so special and like for any twin parent out there, like it does get better and it g you know, if you're in the hard stage, it's like you look back and you're like, that was the coolest thing you got to do as a parent. And if you know that now, you know, I hope that that helps you like enjoy it more because I know it's hard, like I know, but it's also so cool. Jess Sittig: That's really special to have that realization as an adult and as a mom to Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: see like your dad's joy that maybe Courtney Brinson: Yeah. yeah. Jess Sittig: you couldn't fully understand when you were growing up, you know? Courtney Brinson: Yeah. I mean we you know, I mean back we didn't talk about anything, you know, you don't talk about that kind of stuff and like also people don't really d you know, I I think when we were growing up no one no one even discussed like twins or mom life in general now with so much content out there it's like everyone kinda does and in a different way. And you know, that was kind of a lot of the heart behind the content that I make was it's like I just want, more discussion about like you know, the impact of twins, like the positive stuff, like what you're doing, the work that you're doing is worth it, versus, you know, just living in the hard days, I guess, if that makes sense. And Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: that was so special to me that my dad had said that because I was like, you know, I was so excited to have twins. I was excited for him to whatever, but I was curious like what he was thinking about it because, you know, I mean he went through it obviously like back in the 90s and less resources, a lot of crazy and anyway it was really special. It was a it was I'll never forget that day. It was so cool. Jess Sittig: Hmm, that is so special. everyone knew we did not keep it a secret. And it's Courtney Brinson: Yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: still like the excitement of seeing two babies. So to add the the added layer that nobody knew, I mean, I bet there were Courtney Brinson: Yeah. It's fun. Jess Sittig: tears and laughter and all of the, Courtney Brinson: yeah. Jess Sittig: all of the emotions. What was like Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: the biggest thing? I mean, I know you said that your dad was crying and everything, but what was like the biggest reaction? Just like shock? Courtney Brinson: they were shocked. my gosh. The my dad's first thing was this whole time And we were I mean, it was they were so surprised. We hit it I mean, we hit it so well, but yeah, I'll tell you like I my husband and I lived in Washington State for about four years after we graduated college. And then the week before our wedding, we moved back without telling anybody but my brother. We flew my brother up, my twin up, to help us move down. We didn't tell anybody at the reception. We told everyone that we had just moved back home. And I mean, they were so shocked. So like at the same time I'm like, you guys should be pretty used to just n going with it, my people. Like, I don't know I don't know what we can get on next, but trust and believe there's gonna be something. Jess Sittig: Yeah, I I'm impressed. Yes. I am so impressed because I feel like these are like epic life changes Courtney Brinson: we love it. Jess Sittig: that you just so confidently kept secrets. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I'm so impressed. I'm I have no chill. I was like, I'm pregnant with twins. Everybody help Courtney Brinson: Yeah. yeah. Jess Sittig: me. Courtney Brinson: Well, because it's so shock I think because because I'm a twin it just wasn't like it was h when you have when you grow up with a best friend, like imagine it's har like I feel like singletons cannot really imagine it until you see would you see it with your own kids, you know. But Jess Sittig: Yeah, yeah. Courtney Brinson: if you imagine growing up with your best friend in the entire world, you're gonna get into some shenanigans, you know, like it's it's like the most fun life experience 'cause you're like there's two of us. Like, we're getting into it, you know, like it's but you have a best friend to always share with and Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: it's just so it's so fun. It's like the childhood experience that I wish upon anyone. And I I don't know if but you know, obviously I had to tell my twin we were moving down. We flew him up, we flew his wife up, and she she drove down with me, he helped us move the house, like all of it. It was fun. And but I have to tell him. I was like, you know, no matter what, like we know, but like I have to tell my twin he has to know. And so he knew about the twin pregnancy too. and it's just a bond. I you know, it's just it's one of those things, but when you grow up with a best friend, you're never alone. And Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: big things like that, it's like I can share something so big with him, and that fills my cup. And you know, obviously like things that like with my husband and stuff like that. Like I have I have more love and support in my life by just having this twin and my husband. You know, and like that's those are my people and it's so special. It it's incredible. Jess Sittig: Reminds me, I watched this documentary. I can't remember what it was called, but it was about twins. And we watched this while I was pregnant with the boys. And Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: one of the twins was talking about how he just, I feel like I'm gonna phrase this wrong, but he almost saw his twin brother as like an extension of himself. Like that's how close they were. So he was Courtney Brinson: Yeah, yeah. Were they identical? Jess Sittig: I think so. I think so when this okay. Courtney Brinson: Okay. I think that's more common and identical. Jess Sittig: And he said something like, yeah, when we were little, I would be like, I need some alone time. And then he'd look at his brother like, Come on, Charlie. Like he wanted to have alone time with his brother. Yeah. That's very cute. So Courtney Brinson: Yeah, with his twin. Yeah. That's adorable. No, that's over. Come on, Charlie. I love that. Jess Sittig: it's almost like when these big life changes happened and you wanted to keep them a secret, it was like, Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: Well, obviously, except for your brother. Courtney Brinson: You have to share it with your well, it's kind of like, you know, you think about your like I don't know if you you know, if you're like this with your husband, but I'm like this, okay. Like if somebody tells me something, I'm like, Yeah, yeah, I won't tell anybody, obviously, except for my husband. And I'm like, Jess Sittig: Except my husband. Yeah. A hundred percent. Courtney Brinson: My husband, but also like depending on it, I gotta tell my brother. Like I you know what I mean? Like I have two of those 'cause I'm like, you know, we keep it, we'll keep it. I can keep a secret. I mean I can keep a twin pregnant. I can keep any secret. But Jess Sittig: Yes, clearly. Courtney Brinson: like so you can trust Me with like you entrust me with anything like lock and key, but you have to be specific when you tell me, like, do not tell you I you cannot tell your husband, you cannot tell your brother, and I'm like, I don't know if you should tell me this information if these two people cannot know because I tell them everything, and Jess Sittig: It's Courtney Brinson: it's just funny. They're like an extension, they are an extension of myself in that same way in that relationship where you're like Well, they're safe, you know, they're a safe place, so they're included. Yes. Exactly. Jess Sittig: Right, right. Like they're just included. Like if I'm gonna know, then then they're gonna know. And we'll keep it secret. Obviously, you're very good at that. Okay, so I would love to know maybe like your top three tips from a twin raising twins. Like what should us mamas be doing to help raise twins to have the best relationship and the best life that we can give them? Courtney Brinson: this is what I would say. Number one is realizing that your twins have personalities that complement each other strongly. So you will notice, especially as a mom, see on the outside you might see identical twins and you're like, they're the same. They're both in the same sport. They're b you know, like, but my twins are completely different. And that is because you know your twins and you don't know those twins. When you when you take down a personality and you strip away like the hobbies and the external things that people can Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: see, right? Like, they're always matching. They love baseball, whatever it is, right? That stuff is just, you know, it's a it's a part of the personality, but it's not the personality. When you look at twins and you know them as a mom, you have to realize that they complement each other like a yin and yang. Like they I think it is the strongest. I I don't know how to describe it other than I was super strong in empathy, in emotional behavior, in like just feelings like I was helping my parents mitigate their divorce. Adults have always Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: come to me. I used to manage 300 people at a time in operations Jess Sittig: wow. Courtney Brinson: and stuff because I can talk like I love talking to people. I am like that side of like empathy and everything. Now my brother has always been extraordinarily logical to Jess Sittig: Hmm. Courtney Brinson: the extreme. So both of us were like on the extreme sides of like opposites there with like our strengths and we came together and we helped each other balance. But what I want most twin parents to realize is, you know, there's there's always this feeling of like, I need to be fair with my kids and Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: I need to give them the same thing and the same treatment because, you know, they can tell they're at the same stage of life. So if I'm disciplining one like this, I have to discipline the other like this. And my biggest advice is discipline your kid on the individual level and make sure that it speaks to their brain language because one of your twins won't understand, you know, if if they are like an empathetic person like I am. you don't you don't have to do anything other than say hey like you you know that really is not the way that you need to do it because it has XYZ effect. Your other twin wants to know why. They want to know deeply why and they want the logical reason they want to they want you to come back with logic. And so when you have two brains that are so opposite like that and you try to give them the same thing it you're Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: going to be frustrated as a parent because now it's working with one great and the other one just seems very resilient. The one it's going to work With typically is the one that you can be emotional with because they're afraid of trouble, right? They don't want to get in trouble. But the one that asks why they might frustrate you, or vice versa, depending on what your strong suit is as a parent. So seeing your twins as not just individuals, but like stark contrasts of each other in a lot of Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: areas can help you learn how to parent them differently so that it actually makes sense. So don't worry about like keeping things fair, meaning the same. keep it fair is in Jess Sittig: Right. Courtney Brinson: treating them differently to match what they need and it gets a lot easier if you do that. another thing I would say is you know communicating about anytime about like separation and stuff like when you think about any normal two people being together as much as twins could be which is something that most people can't even conceptualize because even you know your spouse right you leave them during work. They're le you know you're gone right you're Married, but you're gone. Twins from the womb are together all the time. So when there's a lot of conflict, you think, my goodness, they hate each other, you know. But in reality, it's just the fact that like they need time to have a little bit, like nuggets of time, and it doesn't have to be dramatic Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: separation. It just needs to be, you know, pockets of time throughout the day. I do that with my kids where it's like, okay, I'll set one up with an activity and I will take the other, or it could be five minutes, it could be twenty minutes, and then it gets to The point where like they're old enough and going to school. And in those times, if you're going to separate them, separate them because it would be best for them and not because some admin told you that twins had to be separated. Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: And then, because if you do that, if you tell them if you're gonna separate, if you do this wrong, let me say this: like if you don't communicate them to them the way that they understand, and you do it wrong, you will create a us versus them mentality, which is not something you want to create Jess Sittig: Hmm. Courtney Brinson: with your twins because they are gonna. form an alliance against whoever is coming between them if they don't understand. It is when you send your twins out into the world, they have each other's back and it doesn't matter who it's against. So it's about communicating. I mean it's the most powerful thing you've wanted as a parent, but like you want to be on the side of them. You want to be their advocate as their parent. And when you send them out to separate them, it's so important that you take the time to communicate to them as not Not as like little kids, right? Even if they're little, you communicate to them like you would communicate to somebody that you're, you know, working with at work almost, you know, like, hey, this is obviously use smaller words if you need to, but like we're doing this because you know we we have this many benefits for you. Like you you want to focus on the benefits of separating them without focusing on the you know, because if you're s some some twin parents need to separate their twins so that they focus better. But try telling a small kid that they're not focusing with their twin. I mean like you are asking for reverse psychology. You know, you are asking for them to they're gonna mess with you. But if you if you list out like okay these are the benefits, this is why, and make it to where it's custom to your kids and how they Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: think and what they need The most important person in your twin's life to understand them as individuals is their mom. So Jess Sittig: Hmm. Courtney Brinson: if you understand, like you were talking about with your identical boys, is so important with identicals, but it's important with all twins, but especially identicals. When you have identicals, the world sees them as the same. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: And they'll tell you, Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: they're the same or they'll compare each other, like, wow, that's so surprising that he did this because his brother does this, whatever it is. And you as the mom, it's more important that you talk to them about like what makes them special because they want to be seen as individuals. And when you do that, they come together. When you don't do that, they force each other apart because they want to be seen as individuals. It's it's kind of reverse psychology and parenting, right? 'Cause you're like Well, if I separate them too much or if I do this, you know, if I treat them like individuals or if I whatever, then they're gonna lose their bond. It's completely opposite. You if you let them choose their bond and don't force Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: it upon them and all of that stuff, then they will choose it and it's crazy. Like it but it it it's really about how you treat them as individuals. And that does not that doesn't mean that they're not always together because even for your situation, you want to put them in the same class, that's so cool. I love that. That's not you treating them that that you would do that for your any of your kids, right? Like you're not treating them like they're one unit all the time. It's just like, hey that Jess Sittig: Right. Courtney Brinson: that would be fun for them. They love that. Each of them loves that. so it It's it's like when you just strip away every single decision that you're about to make and you think about like would he love this? Yes, let's do it. Would he love this? Yes, great. Would he benefit from this? And then you communicate it like that. But when you when you look at your twins, look at them as two individuals that happen to maybe look the same if they're identical, you know them as mom. And you have to trust that you know them better than anybody else, and they need to know that. They need you. To talk about like what makes them each so special because Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: the world sees them as the same and they bucket them together and they compare them, and the more you as a mom can just call out like what makes them special individually, you fill their cup enormously. And yeah, I don't know, maybe the third thing, Jess Sittig: and I do want to say I I love the last ad last tip that you just gave because I feel like even with them just being three, I already feel very protective of I guess both extremes of people lumping them together because they are not the same person. And that has Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: happened making sure that they're not compared and that they're not compared and that they're not lumped together. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: And one thing I I do have, and I'm wondering, like one question that I do have, and I'm wondering if this is a little bit different dynamics because of boy girl twins, but did you find yourself ever getting competitive with your brother? Okay. And do you have tips for like Courtney Brinson: Yeah. my gosh. Yeah. So when you are I got you. Yeah. I got you. So your twins typically, you know, they're gonna be contrasts of each other. So one's strength is gonna be one's weakness, right? So Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: with my twin and I, like he was I'm talking like he was super smart to the level of like he was reading Harry Potter novels and I was in remedial reading. So we were we were opposites. Okay. I could say I could say if like a paragraph, my brother could make it an acronym within a second. He would spit it back. I don't know why. He had this random talent. We joke about that all the time because I'm like, why did you do that? And he's I have no idea, but it was it was just like an itch to my brain. And I'm like borderline dyslexic. Okay, so like we were that was hard because in school, right, he is just thriving with traditional education and I see myself as the dumb one. one really had my my grandpa made a comment at one point, you know, like 'cause I Jess Sittig: Hm. Courtney Brinson: was making C's, he was making A's. And so when you're a kid especially now it changed like when we when we grew up because I learned how I learned, but I always thought them something was wrong with me until then Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: like until this last year. I'm not even kidding you, until I had my own twins and I'm seeing it with them, I thought Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: there was something wrong with me. I thought I was just like the dumb twin, okay? And so I was competitive with him because and he wasn't competitive with me right back because there was nothing to be competitive about in that area, right? Other areas, yes. But he saw how much it just destroyed me and he helped Jess Sittig: Hmm. Courtney Brinson: me. He taught me how to read. He helped me, you know, like he helped me in those areas. And so yeah, we like I was it was one of those things where when you have a twin, they are an extension of that unconditional love. Like you think about how much you love your kids. Like as a mom. When you're when you think about like how much you love your parents as a kid. You love them unconditionally, but you don't know how to describe it because you've never lived life before. So you're like, okay, I'm gonna test these boundaries just because I'm a kid, you I'm a human, I'm gonna test these boundaries. But you don't understand like that love until you have it. Like I I understand it Jess Sittig: Hmm. Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: now. I'm like, I love them unconditionally, but I never knew that until I had my first baby and I was like, my goodness, this is love. And you then you start realizing like all of the things about being a parent. You're like, Wow, that's crazy that they felt this way about me. I had no idea. And when you have a twin, though, you have that unconditional love like next to you in your sibling and you test them, and they're a safe place. It's not the same as a sibling. It's because a twin is like you feel can be described as an extension to yourself, like, but it's just somebody where it's like, even in the heat of like you're really mad at them, or whatever it is, right? Like you still. Love them so much, and you're gonna be competitive because being competitive is a good thing. Like it's a good thing to want to be better. And the thing is with that though, you have to learn how to support as a mom, you have to learn how to support them through that because you will have one kid, one twin, that will be super good at the at one thing, okay. And and those a lot of times it's traditional learning or it's traditional, super good in. things and the other one is gonna be super good in soft skills or something that's not really celebrated in our education Jess Sittig: Mm, sure. Courtney Brinson: system. So like my like emotional strength Jess Sittig: Right. And your social skills. Courtney Brinson: My social skills. You don't get tested on that. Okay. You don't so Jess Sittig: Yeah, yeah. Courtney Brinson: like that doesn't come out until you're older and you're talking to people and you're like, wow, like I, you know, I can really connect with people that way. But for the longest time I was just like, man, I am dumb. Like I, you know, and and I just felt like that. 'cause my brother, everything came like that. So when you have a twin, when you the competition would have come from me to him in those areas. The other one was I was really popular in school. Whenever we were got in high school, my brother was less. Okay. And we went to different schools, by the way. We moved, we separated Jess Sittig: Hm. Courtney Brinson: at age twelve. My brother stayed with our mom and I moved with our dad. And by the way, our bond is still super strong, if that was ever a concern. Like, you know, we literally moved we we didn't live within three hours of each other since we were twelve and we still feel this strongly. So don't Jess Sittig: Wow. Courtney Brinson: ever be concerned about that. But yeah, we I will say like I felt competitive towards him and he he almost felt bad and so we were in a family dynamic Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: which is something that like for my own kids I don't wanna build. I wanna build something different Jess Sittig: Hm. Courtney Brinson: because we were in this family dynamic was like it's hard to celebrate the twin that's doing amazing because your other twin is like kind of bitter or like just because they're not Jess Sittig: Hmm. Courtney Brinson: but they don't know what to do. And the twin where I lived, like that side of my brain where it's like more empathy and that kind of thing, they're also your anxious twin typically, you know, Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: so they're anxious 'cause they don't know what to do. To be better, but they also see themselves as like not as good as their other twin whenever it comes to those. And as a mom, it's really important, that's why it's so important to know your twins as individuals, treat them like individuals, and understand their strengths and their weaknesses because they balance each other the way that like in such strong situations where when you think about it and you are like, Okay, how do I How do I help each of my twins in the areas that they are struggling with? Because I know, you know, like as their mom, I know that the other one is struggling there, but I wanna be able to celebrate because this is the goal. You wanna be able to celebrate the great things that happen to your kids and not be afraid to celebrate them because that means you're bashing on the other twin. Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: So there's this balance that you have to learn as a parent to create this like culture of how do I get my kids to help each other when they're whatever? And that means it comes from you first, right? Like they need to always be able to come openly to anyone in the house and be like, How do I get help with this? How you know, like you want them to be so comfortable asking for help when they don't know how to do it and you model that as a parent. You're like, Okay, well I don't know how to do this, I need to ask your dad or whatever and then Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: You have them, even if you know how to do it, right? If they're three, you probably know how to do their puzzle, but like you'd be like, actually, this is your dad's strong suit, so let's get him in there. And you use words like that, and you try to implement that while they're young, so that they're saying, or like, hey, your brother's really good in this, you're really good in this, like, let's help each other. If you build it like that and you don't make it a competition of like one is better than the other, because they're gonna see it no matter what. We we are always going to see what we're worse at. Than what we're better at. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: And when you focus on the fact that like you in your own family, you can build a culture where they are going to help each other, you all help each other, and then it's like you celebrate when somebody did something great because they want to be celebrated when they do something great too. And you find Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: areas, you know, if it was If it was your twin that's like very traditional, like if if you have a twin like my twin and I, right? Very traditional learner versus like not as traditional, right? Like s both are smart. They just have strong areas and other area. You find ways that this one can excel too in different ways and you help them. And so you you I it's it takes a lot of thought as a parent, but if you can do that then when one graduates top of their class and you know, it it just it's like you take out the competition by making it like your family unit is Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: strengthened by each other. Does that make sense? Jess Sittig: Hmm. Yeah, absolutely. And I I think that's such a great point, is like everybody has different strengths and weaknesses. And then making sure that everyone is feeling celebrated. And I like some of the language that you were using, like creating that family unit and family culture. Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I think that's really important. And yeah, that was great. that was all super helpful. And I know we kind of touched on this earlier. I would love to dive in a little bit more to the sibling dynamics, specifically having a singleton first, because I'm in the same boat. And yes, Courtney Brinson: Mm-hmm. Me too, and I had that. Jess Sittig: and I have had that exact thought where you were kind of talking about like sibling dynamics and that that is hard for a singleton when maybe twins are getting more attention. And I have Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: had the specific thought is my daughter, my singleton is pretty fiery. Like she has a pretty strong personality. And I have thought several times, I'm so thankful for her personality because I feel like she has a great personality to handle being Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: the older sibling of twins. Does that make sense? So what Courtney Brinson: For sure. Yeah. Jess Sittig: if someone is in the same shoes as us, like singleton first and then twins? how would you recommend a mom making sure that that singleton didn't feel like left out? Courtney Brinson: Okay, yeah, I got you. So my oldest, I'll back up, I'll give you a quick like our life, right? My my oldest is twenty months older than my twins, all girls. When I grew up, my older sister was two and a half. years older, okay. So almost the exact same thing. I mean very close, right, to the situation. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: Well, my parents got a divorce when we were toddlers. My oldest stepped in as like almost like a mom to us. And it g it like made her kind of lose her childhood. She Jess Sittig: Hm. Courtney Brinson: was almost like not allowed to be a kid. And that is the biggest thing that I do for my my oldest daughter is like I never expect her to help. If she wants to help, that's awesome. If she doesn't want to help, if she wants to be a literal two year old, whenever, you know, when they were born she was like almost two and she was having her days, I was like, Yeah, like me too, girl. Like, you know, I mean, these are hard. And I would just say, like, it is so when you have twins and you are not expecting it or you just you don't know like that first year with your twins is very hard. It's challenging, it challeng stretches you in ways that you'll never you know you can't describe to anybody but when you live it you live it. And then you know it gets better like things get better. But that first year is two potatoes that need you endlessly and then if you have an oldest, right, like we all did, they naturally naturally will lose that attention that they did not ever know, like they didn't understand the concept of that necessarily, but they lose it more than like 'cause you can't I mean you can baby wear two babies if you want to all the time, but my goodness, that is like I I opted out. I was like, I can't physically do this. I gotta Jess Sittig: Yeah. Mm-hmm, same. Courtney Brinson: cook for my ki you know, I gotta make sure everyone's fed. And your oldest needs to feel like they are as much allowed to be a kid and when you get home with those newborn twins, your oldest now feels like they're thirty-seven going, you know, into their they're getting a mortgage or like, my gosh, you've lived life and you you have to remember, number one, that they get to be a kid and you cannot put expectations on them that you would not put on a two year old or whatever because you are setting yourself up to fail. If you put expectations that they will do that, you are you at the end of the day Are you going to be the loser because you are so stressed out at everything, and then you're going to be mad at your two-year-old because they didn't lead up Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: to this when you set expectations? It's so important that you set them to be as realistic as possible. You know, like maybe I've got to brush my teeth and take care of the curls. The biggest thing though I will say, like, how to take care of that situation is give them in that first year, give them as much verbal and mental attention that you can because your baby twins just need you physically. They really just Jess Sittig: Mm. Mm. Courtney Brinson: need you physically. Okay. And your oldest needs your brain. They need, you know, they need you to like narrate what they're playing, all of that kind of stuff, but just give them that attention and then whenever you know you have to remember because you know, there's always there's always the jokes of when you go out in public and somebody's like, double trouble, all that kind of stuff. When you think about that and you have your oldest with you, they also notice that. Everyone, Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: you know, as a mom I've seen this kind of joke, and I you know, I get a little bit like whatever about it sometimes 'cause I'm like You know, I lived it, right? Like I was double trouble. Like it doesn't bother me. Actually, twins kind of think it's funny, right? But you have to think about your reaction in front of your kids. It's really important that you celebrate it, even if you're having a day. You celebrate the fact that somebody's like, whatever, but you also use those moments to just fill up your oldest cup. You Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: know, like because everyone's looking at twins. They want all, you know, we now naturally get that attention. But your oldest is like, what am I? Like chop liver, I'm still a kid too, and I'm cute. They don't understand, right? Because Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: their whole life now is like flipped upside down because they've got these two awesome s like y siblings, but at the same time they're like, man, like I used to so it's so critical that you take the time to just really celebrate your oldest and keep them involved and engaged and stuff. And that they they have you at in whatever capacity that you can and so like if they have you mentally that's what they need typically at that time you don't put the expectations on them that they need to be maternal you know if it's a girl or like in charge of them that's Jess Sittig: yeah. Courtney Brinson: a big thing that it's it's pretty natural for us to be like are they a good helper they don't need to help you know what I mean like they're they get to be Jess Sittig: Great. Courtney Brinson: a kid and it's the most natural thing everyone does it right but they they internalize that especially as females we're like okay I need to help with diapers or whatever because you're like I let my oldest like throw diapers I'm like you what Whatever you want to do, do because at the end of the day, I'm like, you get to have as much fun as you want to. You're not gonna be like crazy. You know, I'm gonna parent you the way that I will everyone else, but you don't you don't have to help me. Like I don't need your help. I'm an adult, you know, you're two. And that's a big thing, is just don't put don't put adult pressure on them to like Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: don't set expectations for them or yourself that they will help, and that takes so much pressure off of them. and then also use moments where Where people are calling out your twins because they're cute to fill your oldest cup. Whatever you know that it would just like because that person doesn't care. They're gonna leave and they're gonna be like, Jess Sittig: Hmm. Courtney Brinson: okay, yeah, I saw some twins today, but the who cares are the people in your cart or wherever, you know, like wherever you're at. Jess Sittig: Yes. Yeah. Courtney Brinson: So I would just say, use those moments that somebody calls it out to fill your oldest cup and say, like, yeah, and they and she loves ballet, you know, or she, you know, whatever it is, right? Like, and she, you know, that they actually look like her, whatever, whatever it is. Is when you know you know your kids, you you fill your oldest cup with whatever information that you can to this random person that is just making conversation because Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: at the end of the day that person does not actually care, most likely, right? They're just like gawking at twins, but your oldest is listening and they Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney Brinson: care and they want to know, like, does mom still see me? Because just as much as it's important Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: that your twins know that you see them as individuals, your oldest needs that too, and they almost need it more because your twins. Twins have each other and your oldest can see that. And then Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: the other thing is just like have your oldest get one-on-one time with each of their twin siblings, just like you would in like a normal, you know, if you had one at a time, right? Your oldest would have time with the middle, your middle would have time. Do that so that they get to mix in and have those times where they get to know your kids as individuals and not as a unit, because you also don't want your oldest to see them as a unit. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: Because that changes the dynamic with them. So use you know one-on-one time is so, so special for everyone in the family and you can work it in. It just needs five minutes. You know, you you go to the mail. Like you just what just the smallest things. It doesn't have to be like massive or these activities, it can just be, you know, daily, takes two seconds at dinner, Jess Sittig: I think that those are great pieces of advice is like I think sometimes as as moms, we have these unrealistic expectations for our oldest child. And I feel like yes, yes. Like Courtney Brinson: We do. Well we forget that they're kids too because i i in comparison, you're like, you know. Jess Sittig: That's exactly right. And like, you know, my daughter is six and there are some times where I'm like, my gosh, she's so mature and she's so helpful. And then sometimes I'm like, she is six years old. And I Courtney Brinson: Yeah, right. Yeah. she fixed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Jess Sittig: I have to, I'm constantly reminding myself of like what is an age realistic expectation for a six year old. Cause sometimes she might Courtney Brinson: Yes. Jess Sittig: act like she's 11, but she's not. She's six, you know? Courtney Brinson: Yes. for sure. I mean my three year old does the same thing and I'm like, my goodness. And then and then she does something else and you're like, there it is. There Yeah. Yes. Jess Sittig: Yep, exactly. You're like, uh-huh. I thank you for the reminder. Yes. Yeah, I love that was all super helpful. I love that you brought up having individual time. the oldest sibling with each twin. And I do feel like as my children have gotten older, that's happened very naturally because I will say Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: when they were younger, I feel like my daughter kind of gravitated towards one twin. And I was feeling Courtney Brinson: Okay. Yep. Jess Sittig: like almost panicky as a mom. Like I didn't want the other twin to feel left out. And it's just Courtney Brinson: Okay, okay. Super normal. Jess Sittig: naturally ebbed and flowed. Where now I'm like, Courtney Brinson: Yes. Well it's 'cause their personalities are clashing or they're coming together. Whenever you talk about twin personality dynamics, you have one that's like there your oldest has a little chip on their shoulder, okay? They're like, I am the boss of you kids. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: And one of your twins will also be the boss. And they are going they're gonna butt heads because they're both the boss. And Jess Sittig: Yes. You're exactly right. That's so funny. Courtney Brinson: so the oldest is gonna get along really well with the ones that's like, Yeah, I'll share with you. I really don't I don't need this toy right now. I'll share it with you. And so that is so natural. But at the end of the day, thickest thieves. The two bosses are gonna be thick as thieves, but they're gonna Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Courtney Brinson: butt heads because it's a power dynamic structure that you have within your kids. You don't even think about. Jess Sittig: It has been really fun though to watch that like play out in real life because you are exactly right. Courtney Brinson: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: And I really haven't had to do anything. Like I was saying, I was really worried about it. And then it's just naturally like it's just naturally gone back and forth. Mm-hmm. Where like maybe one week Courtney Brinson: It just happens. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: it seems like her and, you know, twin A are closer. And then the next week it flip-flops. So I'm like, okay, that's Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Yeah. It just they just balance and and you know, I think the most concern typically is in those first years because you you're watching a dynamic play out that a lot of times you don't understand or you've never seen it. you know, if you haven't had if you're not a twin or and I will say like I am the introspective twin. Like this is this is my superpower since I was a kid. And so like when I look back at how we grew up, I can really analyze it that 'cause I am an emotionally I like I am a channeled twin and my brother, he's so logical. He's always been so like process logical all that stuff. And so he doesn't he doesn't like look back and analyze that kind of stuff because it's like I see I see so strongly in like feelings. You know, like I it's like I smell colors, I see feelings like that Jess Sittig: Yeah. Courtney Brinson: at all times. And that is like the twin superpower is like incredible whatever it is on that side. Right? This dichotomy where you're like, my gosh, they are opposites. in like the most extreme way. But it's incredible. And yeah, I I think like when you have that when you have an oldest, it's so important to focus on how you can still fill their cup and it does not have to be exhausting. It does not have to Jess Sittig: Mm, mm. Courtney Brinson: be exhausting. You don't have to do so many things, you know, like I I think that's what stresses out moms so much is they're like, I'm just not doing enough here. But it's like when you think back, you really have to think back at when you were a kid. What made you happy? You know, it's the simplest stuff. It is not, we went to Disney World 87 times and all this stuff. We didn't go anywhere, by the way. We didn't travel. We were poor. I mean, like we had no money. All of the things that I remember as like highlights were the smallest thing possible. Holding hands with my brother, going down the stairs, singing happy birthday to each other. Like literally those things. And when you strip away all the expectations that are like put on you by like if it's social media, if it's parents, if it's whatever, you know, and you just go back to like what do kids what makes kids happy? It's usually just that you remembered their favorite color and you ask them what their favorite animal in the sea is if they're three. You know what I mean? Like it's really not anything crazy. And you gotta take those expectations off of yourself so that you Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: can enjoy the experience and not sit there with guilt and stress and everything, because that takes all of your joy away from this whole thing. And it should be fun. Because your twins are having fun. They're gonna talk about all the shenanigans they got into at their wedding one day. And you're gonna be like, my gosh, you guys were just messing around. I was so serious, you know? It's like, I was so stressed about that. You thought that was funny? Yeah, they thought that was funny because they're messing with you and you if you if you just take a second and you just enjoy it and you realize that they're messing with me, so I'm gonna mess with them, it gets so much fun. You know, you just gotta be a kid a little bit, especially with twins. They're gonna tag team you and you you have the opportunity of a lifetime to mess with those kids. It's so fun. You know, just have fun with it. They're having fun. And yeah. Jess Sittig: I love that. I feel like that comes with perspective of like not taking everything so seriously. And I that has been really like healing as a mom to just be like everything, everything is, yeah, Courtney Brinson: Yeah, yeah. It's okay. Yeah. Jess Sittig: everything will be fine in the end. And it's not so serious. So I love that. It's been Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: so fun to chat. Like I still can't believe that you kept that a secret. I That is so wild and so impressive. And I loved hearing about your bond with your twin and then just like your dream coming true of having twins yourself Courtney Brinson: Yeah. Jess Sittig: and tips for raising twins from a twin and sibling dynamics. I've really enjoyed the insight that you have and I really appreciate your opinion on all of it. So I always close with if you could have a heart to heart with a twin mom or give her a piece of advice, what would you tell her? Courtney Brinson: I w man. well this entire podcast I suppose, but Jess Sittig: Ha ha ha. Courtney Brinson: I would just say like just enjoy it. They they have each other and you gave them that. that makes me cry. But like you gave them this gift of each other and you don't you don't appreciate the fact that you gave them that 'cause you're you're in the thick of, you know, worrying about the little things and at the end of the day, like if you have nothing, you have each other and they have each other. Like, you know, we're all so worried about all you know, not being able to give enough, give enough, give enough. And and when you think about like what you actually gave your twins by having twins, I mean like you grew two humans and you had them and you don't even give yourself credit for that because you're so stressed about like, they don't have enough. Listen, they have more than anybody else has or gets in this world. Because if you think about if your house goes down in blames and the only thing you saved was your kids and your dog, you're fine, right? That's my world, right? Like we had crazy hectic lives and crazy childhoods. And at the end of the day I had my brother, my twin through it all and it was all I needed. I had him. That was the greatest gift I could have ever gotten in my life. And Jess Sittig: Mm. Courtney Brinson: you gave that to your kids. So y stop stressing about it. You know, stop feeling guilty. And stop thinking that you didn't do enough because you grew another human. And that's that's like a you can't buy that at Amazon. So so, you know, yeah, that's it. Jess Sittig: I love that. It is the absolute greatest gift. And like I said, hearing you talk about your relationship with your brother is so special and has made me teary-eyed through our entire conversation. So Courtney, thank you so much. I've so appreciated Courtney Brinson: You're so welcome. Jess Sittig: your time and your insight. And if people want to connect with you, where can they Courtney Brinson: yeah. Jess Sittig: find you? Can you put like your like say your Instagram handles and I'll put that in the show notes. Courtney Brinson: Yes, yeah. So my Instagram handle is just my name. Courtney underscore Brinson and my TikTok handle is Court underscore Brin. So B R I N Jess Sittig: Perfect. And I'll put that in the show notes with links so people can just click and follow. She's a great follow with Courtney Brinson: Okay, cool. Yeah. Forgot I had to change it. Jess Sittig: super insightful, really good videos. And I feel like you do a really good mix of like tips, logistics, and like funny stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Courtney Brinson: I try, yeah. We you know, we have fun here. So I I try to like I I want there's two things that I wanna show on my page. One is like for my twins out there, like literal twins, I want them to know how fun it is being their mom. Because it Jess Sittig: Hmm. Courtney Brinson: is, you know, I like I look back and I'm like, this would have been so healing to have seen like a mom love my childhood. Jess Sittig: Mm, yeah. Courtney Brinson: so I wanna show that side because it is so fun. my gosh, they're crazy, they're so Jess Sittig: So fun. Courtney Brinson: fun. And And the other part is like I want twin moms to to know that like when you understand your twins and when you can really like go in, it's have more fun with it than stress. Don't have stress. Just have fun. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Yeah. Courtney Brinson: It's so fun. Enjoy it. Even on the days that you're like, my gosh, this is so hard. It's all hard, you know. But that's part of being an adult, it's part of being a parent. That's it's Jess Sittig: Yes. Courtney Brinson: hard being a mom, but it's so cool, it's such a privilege. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Courtney, thank you so much for coming on. It was so fun to chat about all the things and I just appreciate you. Courtney Brinson: Yeah, thanks for having me. Jessielee Sittig: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy twin mom life to listen along. I hope this podcast shed some light on a topic that's been on your heart and gave you more confidence as a twin mama. If you know a twin mom, please send this her way. If you like what you heard today, please subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Check out the show notes to be connected with today's guest and get discount codes for brands I love. See you next Thursday. Until then. You are made for this.