Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Monday Mini: What's Up With Pandemic Sex Orgies?
Transcript
- 0:05Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny Smith and welcome to stuff I've
- 0:07Speaker 1: never told you production of I Heart Radio. And want
- 0:19Speaker 1: to start this one right out of the gate with
- 0:21Speaker 1: a content warning, probably obvious from the title and summary,
- 0:25Speaker 1: but we are going to be talking about orgies today.
- 0:31Speaker 1: Statement to say ever work, yes, and we're not gonna
- 0:35Speaker 1: go to in depth or anything. We're specifically focusing on
- 0:38Speaker 1: news stories about orgies during the pandemic, not the stuff
- 0:43Speaker 1: that might come to mind when it comes to things
- 0:46Speaker 1: like cults and orgies. Um or also just because now
- 0:51Speaker 1: I want to do a whole episode on just this
- 0:53Speaker 1: whole world of orgies. We're not really going to get
- 0:55Speaker 1: to in depth on that either. These could be future
- 0:58Speaker 1: episodes today that's pandemic orgy. You know, that's all no
- 1:04Speaker 1: big deal, So content warning for that. UM and I
- 1:07Speaker 1: did have a question for you to Samantha, and we
- 1:09Speaker 1: discussed it before answer I'm not springing it on you.
- 1:11Speaker 1: I was curious if you've ever been asked to be
- 1:15Speaker 1: in or been in a threesome or more sexual situation.
- 1:20Speaker 1: So I've never actually been in that situation. I haven't
- 1:24Speaker 1: propositioned or hit on by couples to be part of
- 1:28Speaker 1: something and I've never gone for that. I I guess
- 1:32Speaker 1: I'm not very adventurous my own issues with sexual experiences.
- 1:37Speaker 1: It's like, that's too much for me. Really, Um, it's
- 1:41Speaker 1: hard enough for me to be naked in front of
- 1:42Speaker 1: one person, right, So that's kind of that whole big level.
- 1:46Speaker 1: But no, I don't have an interesting answer to that.
- 1:47Speaker 1: I really I've gotten kind of hit on a couple
- 1:50Speaker 1: of times proposition, but never actually gone through you. Yeah,
- 1:54Speaker 1: I I've been asked and one one time. It's one
- 1:59Speaker 1: of those memories that I just occasionally mull over about
- 2:03Speaker 1: what was really going on there, because one time this
- 2:05Speaker 1: guy asked me to be in a threesome. And this
- 2:09Speaker 1: was in college, and I think I was trying to
- 2:12Speaker 1: be open to the idea, even though in the back
- 2:14Speaker 1: of my head I knew the answer was gonna be no.
- 2:17Speaker 1: But I was trying to be like, you know, so
- 2:19Speaker 1: I asked, like, who is the other person? And he said, well,
- 2:23Speaker 1: it can be whoever you wanted to be. And I
- 2:25Speaker 1: was like, so you're we're the basis of this and
- 2:30Speaker 1: we're going to find someone else. And he was like,
- 2:31Speaker 1: I'm just what would make you more comfortable? Would you
- 2:33Speaker 1: be more comfortable if it was someone you've never met
- 2:36Speaker 1: or someone you had met and I we discussed it
- 2:41Speaker 1: for a while and I never came up with a
- 2:42Speaker 1: good answer. But to this day, I'm like, what was
- 2:45Speaker 1: going on there? That's a sex in the City episode?
- 2:49Speaker 1: Is it really? That's so gread? I should have known
- 2:53Speaker 1: it always got back to sex in the city. I
- 2:56Speaker 1: think he was doing sex in the city and I
- 3:00Speaker 1: just sword off, not really that because they don't ask
- 3:04Speaker 1: that question, but it is like brought in. So it's
- 3:07Speaker 1: this whole thing with Charlotte, who is probably the most
- 3:10Speaker 1: naive of the four days, a guy who wants to
- 3:13Speaker 1: have a threesome, and so she has this whole discussion
- 3:16Speaker 1: with all of them, and they go about the round
- 3:18Speaker 1: table about who would they have it with, would it
- 3:20Speaker 1: be a stranger, would it not be And of course
- 3:23Speaker 1: port little Miranda gets left out. Altogether, it's a whole thing.
- 3:26Speaker 1: Oh my, maybe he'd seen that episode. Maybe interesting. I
- 3:34Speaker 1: legitimately whe awake at nights sometimes thinking about this this moment.
- 3:38Speaker 1: And then this is the same guy who came back
- 3:40Speaker 1: to me like years later we hadn't spoken to each other,
- 3:43Speaker 1: and was very nice to me. And then at the
- 3:44Speaker 1: end of the night, asked to be friends benefits, so
- 3:48Speaker 1: it could be dude does not take hints. I will say,
- 3:54Speaker 1: going through experiences being naive, for lack of a better term,
- 4:01Speaker 1: I have become more suspicious. There was a time when
- 4:04Speaker 1: if somebody was married and they started hanging out with
- 4:08Speaker 1: me a lot, either person, I would just be like, well,
- 4:12Speaker 1: they're married. But now sometimes I'm like, either maybe somebody's
- 4:17Speaker 1: trying to cheat, or it's a threesome situation and they're
- 4:20Speaker 1: throwing me out and that that's it. It's probably not
- 4:22Speaker 1: the case, but I have started thinking is sometimes I
- 4:26Speaker 1: think that's part of the thing is once once we
- 4:27Speaker 1: make the mistake of believing that way of like, Okay,
- 4:31Speaker 1: they're married, they're off the table, we're good, we can
- 4:34Speaker 1: be friends, and then things start happening, and you the
- 4:37Speaker 1: one time that something happens, you're like, from then on,
- 4:40Speaker 1: you're suspicious and scared. Right, Yes, suspicious and scared. So
- 4:46Speaker 1: that's why we'll start off with this this episode. Okay,
- 4:50Speaker 1: so this has been something that's puzzling me throughout the
- 4:52Speaker 1: pandemics and Anthea Noah's I've like occasionally brought it up.
- 4:55Speaker 1: It's been on our ideas list for a long time,
- 4:58Speaker 1: but that did. Yeah. Well, I just kept seeing all
- 5:02Speaker 1: these news stories about cracking down on sex orgies, and
- 5:04Speaker 1: I was just really curious whether or not this was
- 5:08Speaker 1: the thing that was happening the whole time, and I'm
- 5:11Speaker 1: just not in the orgy loop, which I'm very much
- 5:13Speaker 1: not in the orgy loop. And to be clear, like
- 5:16Speaker 1: no king shaming or shaming of sexual activities as long
- 5:19Speaker 1: as they're safe, informed, consensual activities amongst adults. I just
- 5:23Speaker 1: was really curious all these stories I kept seeing. So recently,
- 5:30Speaker 1: the New York Department of Health updated their guidelines for
- 5:33Speaker 1: having safe sex during the pandemic, which we talked about,
- 5:36Speaker 1: including this line quote, make it kinky, be creative with
- 5:41Speaker 1: sexual positions, and physical barriers like walls that allow sexual
- 5:45Speaker 1: contact while preventing close face to face contact. Interesting. They
- 5:50Speaker 1: heavily advised avoiding sex parties, but if you must get
- 5:54Speaker 1: vaccinated first and choose a larger, more open and well
- 5:58Speaker 1: ventilated spaces. Good to know. Good to know. And as
- 6:02Speaker 1: you as you probably heard that this story, these guidelines
- 6:06Speaker 1: did make the rounds of people like are you talking
- 6:08Speaker 1: about glory holes essentially? And what's a well ventilated space
- 6:13Speaker 1: I can have like a sex party in After the
- 6:16Speaker 1: so called war on rimming, they also updated their guidelines
- 6:21Speaker 1: with quote the risk of spreading the virus through feces
- 6:24Speaker 1: parentheses poop is thought to be low. Though the virus
- 6:27Speaker 1: has been found in the feces of people who have
- 6:29Speaker 1: had COVID nineteen, researchers needed to know if the virus
- 6:32Speaker 1: can spread through sexual activities involving oral contact with feces,
- 6:36Speaker 1: such as rimming. Um. I just wanted to include that
- 6:39Speaker 1: because that came up in a lot of the when
- 6:41Speaker 1: I was searching this. So what exactly constitutes an orgy?
- 6:46Speaker 1: I thought there would be like a much more straightforward definition,
- 6:48Speaker 1: which I don't know if that was foolish of me,
- 6:50Speaker 1: but from dictionary dot com it's quote wilder drunken festivity
- 6:53Speaker 1: or revelry, especially involving sex with multiple participants, or from
- 6:58Speaker 1: Miriam Webster sexual encounter involving many people. But there were
- 7:03Speaker 1: a lot of like food and drinking aspects to it
- 7:06Speaker 1: as well. I learned there are several global sex party networks,
- 7:10Speaker 1: many of which have had to adapt during the pandemic.
- 7:13Speaker 1: Um A virtual sex parties and online sex workshops, for instance,
- 7:18Speaker 1: but plenty of illegal in person sex parties have taken
- 7:20Speaker 1: place during this pandemic. During these lockdowns, two um some
- 7:24Speaker 1: have tried to incorporate social distancing and vaccine requirements. In
- 7:29Speaker 1: January of French police broke up a one hundred person
- 7:33Speaker 1: sex party taking place in a warehouse. In November, one
- 7:37Speaker 1: people tested positive for COVID nineteen as you're attending the
- 7:40Speaker 1: Naughty Nolans Swingers party in New Orleans, which is about
- 7:45Speaker 1: thirteen percent of the attendees, and the organizer went on
- 7:47Speaker 1: to vote, I wouldn't do it again if I knew
- 7:49Speaker 1: then what I know now. It weighs on me and
- 7:51Speaker 1: it will continue to weigh on me until everyone is
- 7:53Speaker 1: one hundred percent better. And the event did require temperature
- 7:57Speaker 1: checks and mask Also in November, a far right anti
- 8:02Speaker 1: lgbt Q plus Hungarian diplomat got busted for attending an
- 8:05Speaker 1: a legal lockdown orgy with twenty other men. A few
- 8:10Speaker 1: have been broken up in New York ad people at
- 8:12Speaker 1: a sex club in Queen's. More than two hundred were
- 8:14Speaker 1: detained at an illegal sex party in Los Angeles. Atlanta.
- 8:17Speaker 1: Sex clubs, Traps and the Loft were featured In one
- 8:20Speaker 1: of these articles about these it described the experience at
- 8:23Speaker 1: these sex clubs, and it was something I had no
- 8:25Speaker 1: idea about, just a world I had no idea about.
- 8:28Speaker 1: Customers had to sign a document that read, we understand
- 8:31Speaker 1: that we are using the clubs facilities during a worldwide
- 8:33Speaker 1: COVID night team pandemic and understand and accept all risk
- 8:36Speaker 1: and consequences. Thereof people who work at these clubs across
- 8:40Speaker 1: the country reported high interest during this time and theorized
- 8:43Speaker 1: it might have to do with a newfound appreciation of
- 8:46Speaker 1: being close to other people. Um And as I was
- 8:50Speaker 1: reading through these, of course I thought of fan fiction
- 8:52Speaker 1: because a lot of people use this term touch starved,
- 8:55Speaker 1: which I've never actually heard. I should have known it's
- 8:58Speaker 1: an actual thing. But in fan fiction, a lot of
- 9:00Speaker 1: people use touch starved. And that's what people were describing
- 9:04Speaker 1: is they felt like they've been missing fan fiction war.
- 9:07Speaker 1: Just so you know, I know, I have learned through
- 9:10Speaker 1: this orgy research that my world of fan fiction is
- 9:14Speaker 1: not the first and foremost there are. It's something it
- 9:19Speaker 1: could be applied to young children who aren't physically touched
- 9:23Speaker 1: and don't it's not aware of, like parental cuddles and
- 9:26Speaker 1: hugs and emotions, so it's actually lit more more scientific
- 9:30Speaker 1: than just yes, I have learned. I have learned cuttle
- 9:50Speaker 1: parties are yes also leaving, and some people were saying
- 9:53Speaker 1: it's related the same thing, and these articles talked about
- 9:56Speaker 1: those as well and described those as well. Others described, say,
- 10:00Speaker 1: orgies amongst friends, which I find really interesting. Again that
- 10:03Speaker 1: kind of goes back to would you be comfortable? Would
- 10:07Speaker 1: you be more comfortable doing it with people you knew
- 10:09Speaker 1: or didn't know. I think it's probably pretty personal, actually,
- 10:13Speaker 1: definitely very personal, very personal. Yes, yes. And I also
- 10:17Speaker 1: learned about podcast a Polosa quote where sex is not
- 10:22Speaker 1: just celebrated but embraced with style, and they sense like
- 10:25Speaker 1: a super inclusive, supportive event. I went to their website, um,
- 10:29Speaker 1: and I was really impressed, to be honest. I also
- 10:31Speaker 1: learned about fogo, which is fear of going out, and
- 10:35Speaker 1: I was like, yes, that is what I have. Yeah,
- 10:39Speaker 1: I was gonna say, is that what we would talk
- 10:41Speaker 1: about when I'm like, hey, look the deltail variant is
- 10:44Speaker 1: happening and I'm putting myself in quarantine again. Okay, cool?
- 10:50Speaker 1: Pretty much. Jennefer Elision, founder of Scart club A Woman's
- 10:54Speaker 1: only sex club said in an interview, quote, the pandemic
- 10:56Speaker 1: has definitely boosted women thinking about themselves and having the
- 11:00Speaker 1: time now to consider their own pleasures. I think there
- 11:03Speaker 1: are a lot of realizations for women who question their
- 11:05Speaker 1: sexuality but are afraid to act on it. This realization
- 11:09Speaker 1: of I want to live my life fully now and
- 11:11Speaker 1: I'm not going to listen to what others think or say.
- 11:14Speaker 1: Go ahead, ladies, you find that you find that pleasure. Yeah, yeah,
- 11:20Speaker 1: And a lot of people who have participated in these
- 11:23Speaker 1: sex parties have said that it's not an activity but
- 11:27Speaker 1: more of a lifestyle. And they've also pointed out that
- 11:30Speaker 1: they're more judge for breaking COVID regulations because of what
- 11:33Speaker 1: they're doing. The thousands of people out a raid, for example,
- 11:35Speaker 1: which is not a direct comparison, but I see the
- 11:38Speaker 1: point even if yeah, there's still a direct comparison, but
- 11:43Speaker 1: I see the point. Trying to just anything in crowded
- 11:47Speaker 1: basis make me worried anyway, So there's that. An anonymous
- 11:51Speaker 1: user from Paris wrote to Motherboard Advice, quote, the health
- 11:54Speaker 1: situation cannot suppress the irrepressible desire to that's right. That
- 12:00Speaker 1: could be put on a pillow. Someone that for me.
- 12:04Speaker 1: Another quote from someone Gaveriel Geiger at Vice interviewed, stated,
- 12:08Speaker 1: I think people have a clear need for social connection
- 12:11Speaker 1: and meeting. Everything is closed. People are alone. We cannot,
- 12:15Speaker 1: you see, stay with cages around our pussies and you know,
- 12:18Speaker 1: dicks forever. Now, at least in France, we're vaccinating people. Yeah.
- 12:24Speaker 1: And then when the when the pandemic first appeared to
- 12:27Speaker 1: be easing in the US, sex parties were on their eyes,
- 12:30Speaker 1: including boobs cruises or cruises that encourage people to walk
- 12:34Speaker 1: around naked. I just made Samantha do as pittake, I
- 12:39Speaker 1: do not wonder about this. Good. Listen, there is my
- 12:44Speaker 1: twelve year old immature self reading all these things. It's
- 12:47Speaker 1: just like, what is happening? This is again, this feels
- 12:52Speaker 1: like what it's all year old with joke about right
- 12:55Speaker 1: in their fantasies and then talking about this out loud
- 12:58Speaker 1: as an actual thing that's been created. I'm like, you
- 13:01Speaker 1: know what, twelve year olds are innovative. Well, that's actually
- 13:07Speaker 1: a point I wanted to make, because it's clear that
- 13:09Speaker 1: we're we're kind of poking fun at some of this
- 13:12Speaker 1: and not not really at the people in general. But
- 13:15Speaker 1: the reporting on it, because as we talked about in
- 13:18Speaker 1: that episode on Sex Birds, like that we have such
- 13:20Speaker 1: a taboo and it's so hard for us to talk
- 13:22Speaker 1: about second and me in particular, like I couldn't get
- 13:25Speaker 1: through that list of words without blushing and giggling. And
- 13:30Speaker 1: that was part of my whole fascination with this where
- 13:33Speaker 1: I wanted to know more because I was like, I
- 13:36Speaker 1: did kind of think it was, you know, in the
- 13:38Speaker 1: minds of twelve year olds. I knew it happened. I
- 13:40Speaker 1: just wasn't quite familiar with the numbers or the people
- 13:45Speaker 1: behind it. And speaking of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana
- 13:49Speaker 1: University and Love Honey released a study fairly recently that
- 13:52Speaker 1: found quote, people were more likely to attended sex club
- 13:56Speaker 1: this year than before the pandemic of men and fourteen
- 14:00Speaker 1: scent of women, while say they're less interested in the
- 14:03Speaker 1: other of the same level of interest. If you're curious,
- 14:07Speaker 1: which I was pre pandemic, about six point three percent
- 14:11Speaker 1: of men and five percent of women had been to
- 14:14Speaker 1: a sex party or swingers club. I think my whole
- 14:18Speaker 1: thing about the way that it's reported is they are
- 14:21Speaker 1: making it sensessitionalized by bringing up the more tongue in cheek,
- 14:25Speaker 1: most likely the groups who are like making fun of
- 14:28Speaker 1: this themselves, but creating an outlet for themselves, as in
- 14:32Speaker 1: like they're making fun of our perceptions as insure the
- 14:34Speaker 1: outside of perceptions. So therefore it is a literal joke
- 14:39Speaker 1: on the rest of us in this route. As a
- 14:42Speaker 1: naive individual, it feels shocking, but it's not in reality
- 14:45Speaker 1: and the fact that as long as again it's safe
- 14:48Speaker 1: and everybody is consensual, there's nothing wrong with us, except
- 14:51Speaker 1: for once again, it needs to be safe, and that
- 14:54Speaker 1: includes pandemic stuff. But it is an interesting level of like,
- 14:57Speaker 1: how are we reporting it, what are we looking at?
- 15:00Speaker 1: And yes, and are we making it even more taboo
- 15:02Speaker 1: finding a reason to make it more taboo because of
- 15:05Speaker 1: the pandemic? Right? And I I will shout out there's
- 15:10Speaker 1: an article, the one that actually was in Atlanta, and
- 15:13Speaker 1: I apologize I can't remember the author, but she she
- 15:16Speaker 1: wrote about going to trapeze in the loft and so
- 15:21Speaker 1: she went and like did it and it wasn't her
- 15:24Speaker 1: first time or whatever, and she was talking about specifically
- 15:27Speaker 1: during the pandemic what was it like? But I appreciated
- 15:30Speaker 1: that it was coming from the point of view, like
- 15:31Speaker 1: she wasn't a frequent goer, but she had been and
- 15:35Speaker 1: was into it, was open to it and talked about
- 15:37Speaker 1: her experience, and I think a part of it too.
- 15:40Speaker 1: Like you said, for a lot of us that does
- 15:42Speaker 1: feel very sensationalized or perhaps taboo. But for someone like
- 15:46Speaker 1: me who's definitely, um like not into sex, reading about
- 15:51Speaker 1: it just felt like I've only seen this in movies
- 15:55Speaker 1: and of course in her entertainment. It's wild and um
- 15:59Speaker 1: she it was interesting to read about, like the logistics
- 16:02Speaker 1: of things and the expectations of things. It was just
- 16:04Speaker 1: I had it heard about it from someone. It was
- 16:09Speaker 1: in that world right, And one of those locations was
- 16:11Speaker 1: shocking to me because I just know of it as
- 16:13Speaker 1: a music venue, so I was like, what, what, oh,
- 16:17Speaker 1: where's this that? So, but let's go back to the
- 16:20Speaker 1: studies for just a second, because most studies conducted during
- 16:23Speaker 1: the pandemic of sex life and health have found decline
- 16:27Speaker 1: in a pretty decent one. Rates of masturbation have gone up, however,
- 16:31Speaker 1: so uh, some studies have found women expressed increased sexual
- 16:35Speaker 1: desire during lockdown than men, which it is interesting. That
- 16:40Speaker 1: is interesting. I think it was like a ten percent
- 16:42Speaker 1: generally of this like a ten percent higher interest. But
- 16:45Speaker 1: I kind of wonder if that's playing on some of
- 16:48Speaker 1: the stuff we've talked about around uh, like I don't
- 16:52Speaker 1: know toxic masculine us the right word, but how there's
- 16:54Speaker 1: this expectation that men will want sex and we'll find sex,
- 16:58Speaker 1: and when you're like, the world is your oyster and
- 17:00Speaker 1: you're not in quarantine, then there's more pressure, whereas for
- 17:06Speaker 1: women it's kind of the opposite. I don't know, I
- 17:11Speaker 1: I just found that really interesting. And again, it may
- 17:15Speaker 1: go back to the whole loneliness factor when women are
- 17:20Speaker 1: kind of in whatever may be the reason we're not
- 17:24Speaker 1: in touch with many people. We don't even see our friends.
- 17:26Speaker 1: All of that, the whole needing again touch starving being
- 17:29Speaker 1: started to touch in general, which is translated to well,
- 17:32Speaker 1: I really I need some sex that means second to
- 17:35Speaker 1: be touched and cut it on. You know. One of
- 17:37Speaker 1: my favorite lines from Sex in the City as the
- 17:41Speaker 1: line I just want him to lay on me. I
- 17:43Speaker 1: just need his body to lay on me. Like she's
- 17:46Speaker 1: not even talking about sex. But that was kind of
- 17:48Speaker 1: the level and I'm like, yeah, I get that. I
- 17:50Speaker 1: definitely it. I became one of my phrases for a while,
- 17:52Speaker 1: I'm like, I just need someone to lay on me.
- 17:54Speaker 1: Like it became a thing. And maybe that loneliness pushed
- 17:59Speaker 1: it up a little bit. I could see that for sure.
- 18:01Speaker 1: For sure. Um, and you know we started with sex
- 18:03Speaker 1: in the city. Let's end with sex in the city.
- 18:06Speaker 1: Thank you. Yes, I'm always happy, happy to have the
- 18:11Speaker 1: sex in the city context around. Yeah. Just you know,
- 18:16Speaker 1: have say sex always COVID wise and always always wise
- 18:20Speaker 1: and listeners, we would love to hear from you. Thank
- 18:25Speaker 1: you for going on this journey with us. You can
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- 18:34Speaker 1: Never Told You. Thanks as always to our super producer
- 18:37Speaker 1: Christina be safe, yes, and thanks to you for listening
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