Latest / Privycast / Ep. 184 RANKed: Pumpkin Spice Bathroom Products

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Ep. 184 RANKed: Pumpkin Spice Bathroom Products · Privycast

0:01
It's far too wet.
0:02
How many's in here?
0:03
Bro.
0:04
Okay.
0:04
We can, we know what we need to know.
0:07
Here's what we need to know.
0:09
That's a zero on look.
0:11
That looks like weird placenta.
0:13
So looks is zero, hard zero.
0:16
Smell is also consequently zero.
0:19
I'm not getting any pumpkin spice.
0:25
Welcome back to Privy.
0:27
Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom.
0:35
I'm your host, Hunter Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
0:39
Thank you so much for being here.
0:40
Welcome back.
0:41
And I want to just say,
0:46
Longtime listeners of this show will know this show has its beginnings in appreciating what we have and being intrigued by things have come together.
0:56
And before I get into what what's going to be this this week's episode, I want to note a couple of things.
1:02
The first is I use a recording platform that has recently released a new feature that I'm very excited to use as it will continue to make my life easier and easier.
1:13
to use this big fan of what I just saw when I logged in.
1:16
Took me a minute, little late on jumping on, but one of the things as we kick off November, we, we survived spooky season.
1:24
We're out of, we're out of the thick of it here.
1:26
But one of the things that has like the early days of privy is this attitude of thankfulness primarily for the toilet and the very good things that, that do go on in the
1:39
toilet.
1:40
But as well as.
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just being thankful for the fact that we could have existed at any point in history.
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And we exist in the point where like I've got pumpkin spice dude wipes and a bidet.
1:51
It's something I'm thankful for.
1:52
To get us into this, this spirit of thankfulness that we're going to be exploring throughout the month of November.
2:01
Nothing would warm our spirits more than to talk about everyone's favorite seasonal fall flavor.
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And we're going to do it in a big way because
2:11
We're going to be ranking bathroom pumpkin spice products.
2:16
And before we do so, we need to lay the building blocks for what is truly an iconic fall staple.
2:25
It's truly fall.
2:27
The leaves are falling.
2:29
I am falling.
2:30
I've injured my back like an old man.
2:32
And so if you see me adjusting, it's not a wedgie.
2:35
It's because I've destroyed my spine lifting pizza.
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I know.
2:39
But we're going to dive in to
2:41
pumpkin spice just to get right up in the pumpkin spice.
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I'm on record saying to many people that if I was a spice girl, I would in fact be pumpkin spice.
2:55
Yeah, I've embraced it.
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I know it's like typically aimed at like white Ugg moms, but I'm, yeah, I don't know.
3:04
There's something about it that really, really brings the white Ugg mom out in me, I suppose.
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Before we get fully into ranking our pumpkin spice, it's important to note that pumpkin spice is technically not real.
3:18
Now fall moms clutching your Starbucks cups.
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Don't you worry, we're gonna explain that.
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And I love the pumpkin spice as much, if not more than you do.
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I bet you it's more.
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But that's because pumpkin spice is really a conglomeration of very good spices that come together in a way that make you feel kind of warm and fallish.
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As the temperature drops, we begin looking for the spices and things that warm us down to our little toesies.
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It's a unique concoction and one which has brought together via globalism and global trade.
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As these spices are spread around the world, they're brought together, unified under the brand and umbrella of Pumpkin Spice.
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We're gonna go through these spices and how they all came together.
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And the first carrying a large chunk of the weight on this spice list is cinnamon.
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And I wanna tell you, I fricking love cinnamon.
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Cinnamon's so good.
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If you give me anything in cinnamon flavor, probably dig it.
4:23
Probably a big fan.
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And there used to be the cinnamon toothpaste.
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And I know I've complained about this on the show in the past.
4:29
But there used to be this cinnamon toothpaste.
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Toothpaste Crest Pro Health Cinnamon.
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And it was like gritty in cinnamon.
4:37
And I've reached out to Crest to try to, it's discontinued.
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It got discontinued back in the mid 2010s.
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I've written into them and they have confirmed Crest, if you're listening, you can prove me a liar by sending me a case of Crest ProHealth Cinnamon.
4:52
But they've confirmed they're not making it anymore and don't plan to.
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And I've tried a litany of cinnamon toothpastes.
5:01
that are on the market and none of them scratch my sinny itch as much as, as Crest Pro Health Cinnamon.
5:07
There's some things you can't get back.
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Crest, everything I touch dies.
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Every product that I love and truly love, this isn't a bit, like people think, yeah right, like you just pretended to love these things because they want, no, no, I truly did.
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And you asked my wife, my wife, which having listened to last episode, I cannot believe.
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the things that happened on this show happened on this show.
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cannot believe my wife hijacked the show, interviewed my guest, and then talked trash about the Transylvania twist.
5:36
It's unbelievable.
5:37
It's unbelievable.
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Missed opportunity.
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Drac, I'll get you next year.
5:40
But every product I love touched like a Coke with coffee.
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Fruity Pebbles Liquid Death.
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I mean, I could go on and on about these beloved flavors and delicious concoctions that I truly do enjoy that they just discontinue them.
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because not enough people love them.
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But you know what is not going away anytime soon, I'm pretty sure is the pumpkin spice latte.
6:04
But cinnamon, the OG spice in this concoction, originally hails from Southern India or Sri Lanka and other parts of Southeast Asia.
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Cinnamon spread rapidly and early.
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There are records of Egyptians using it in embalming practices and the Romans used it to flavor food and drink.
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A myth was propagated by Arab traders that giant birds guarded cinnamon spice to drive prices up for it at one point.
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It's a classic, hey, the cinnamon was really hard because we had to fight off jumbo birds in order to get this delicious cinnamon spice.
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And so pay us double, please.
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Next on the list of our pumpkin spice concoction is nutmeg or as...
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I in true middle school boy fashion like to call it butt Craig.
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know, butt Craig.
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Nutmeg originates from the Banda islands of Indonesia.
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It's also known as the spice Island and it was moved also by Arab traders where Europeans enjoyed nutmeg for its flavor and the belief that it would like make you rarin for some
7:15
time in bed.
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You know I'm saying?
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People were just fully Randy for some nutmeg.
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getting Randy for nutmeg.
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Third up on the list is ginger.
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Here's what you need to know about ginger.
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First of all, beware.
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Second of all, somehow spicy.
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Like somehow ginger ends up being more spicy than you really think.
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Like if you've ever had ginger ginger, not like fake ginger, you'll know it's kind of spicy.
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Another great drink, the bold ginger ale.
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It's like got like triple the shot of ginger.
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This is not a ginger ale.
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I know, but I'm wet my whistle.
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This is if they ever discontinue polar seltzer.
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I don't think they will.
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They've been around since like 1800s, but I have a terrible problem.
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We're returning to our polar.
8:03
So good.
8:04
They need pumpkin spice polar polar polar seltzer.
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If you're listening to me pumpkin spice polar or send me a case of like the coconut.
8:13
I would like to try it.
8:14
I cannot find it anywhere where I live.
8:15
Um, yeah.
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Ginger's like kind of spicy and it's used in traditional Chinese medicine.
8:21
The wicked Emperor Nero is reported to have eaten a bunch of ginger to cleanse himself after he killed his wife.
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It's like nothing, nothing really resets the system after committing wife murder than eating a bunch of spiced herbs and like probably diarrhea and like really getting it out
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of the system.
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Dude was a bad dude.
8:41
Corn pop was a bad dude and it was Nero.
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Fourth is cloves, which is native to the same islands as butt Craig and it's used.
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in the Mesopotamia region that can be dated as far back as 1700 BC.
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Nutmeg was highly valuable by sailors and explorers due to its vitamin C content.
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so clove is very similar.
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Last on the list, fifth, if you will, is a spice that is strangely named quote unquote allspice.
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Now, this is tricky.
9:15
Because all spice is different than everything seasoning.
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I know it's confusing to me too because they have like everything seasoning, which is different than all spice.
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Everything seasoning is just a mix of all of the spices and seasoning and all spice is a specific spice.
9:40
I wrote this episode.
9:41
I I'm just full transparency the way my life is.
9:44
This episode was recorded much like a Tarantino movie out of order.
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And as I will note later on, there's parts that, that might not make it due to time constraints.
9:56
I'm sorry.
9:57
And I will try to update you as we go via the internet, stay tuned and watch for those updates.
10:03
But this episode was put down on paper.
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The research portion was put down on paper on Columbus day.
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Allspice was native to the Caribbean.
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and was totally unknown to Europeans until after Columbus took a bunch of the stuff back to the European world after his travels.
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He felt that it had the flavors of cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove combined, and they referred to this combo spice as allspice.
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So that's neat.
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But like all of these spices coming from all these different parts of the world, when did they start putting them together?
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Once again, the answer is trade.
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Arab and Venetian traders had brought these spices together and they became baking and cooking luxuries in Europe during the Middle Ages.
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Again, many of these spices were more costly than precious metals at the time.
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And so use of these spices was kind of reserved for the wealthy.
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Like you want to find the top 1%, it's the dude that's just like putting a cinnamon stick in some apple cider.
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Dude, that dude's bougie is flip.
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Like if you're cinnamon sticking your apple cider, you are a bougie joker for sure back then, for sure.
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You might be hearing all this and thinking, this is a conversation about pumpkin spice and the orange globular friends have been nowhere to be found.
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Like I've heard about some spices, but where in the flippin' hex the pumpkins at?
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Pumpkin, it turns out, are native to America.
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And like same, me too, brother.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Like I think it's probably the only thing that pumpkins and I have in common.
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It's definitely not shape.
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It's definitely not shape.
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That's for sure.
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But when the European settlers arrived in America, they found these plumpkins, more like blumpkins, know, big, big old dudes on account of how plump you see because plumpkins, get
12:14
it?
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But it was only a matter of time before they began like implementing these large gourds into various baking and cooking dishes and pies were a popular path forward.
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Various puddings, custard pies and cakes already used
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find smattering of spices.
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So why not add a variety of these spices, which were brought to the New World via trade out of Asia and other Arab countries and made their way into these United States via
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settlers.
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Why not try to spice up our pumpkin dishes a bit, if you will.
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Cookbooks as early as the 1700s recommend
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blends of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, allspice, and pumpkin or squash in pie.
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And that's really what it was.
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A conglomeration of the world's spices brought together via global trade and transatlantic travel by the American settlers and one of America's unique crops.
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Put in pie.
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But the spice itself remained nondescript.
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And as I noted, I listed a list of spices, but nothing that is called
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Humkin Spice.
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In Baltimore's very own Willoughby, boy, sought out on a business venture.
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The pitch?
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Selling root beer, fruit syrups, and flavors, spices door to door, packaged out of his basement.
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Willoughby had 50 cents in seed money to his name.
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A girl to mix the products and a boy to go about town selling them.
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His products, which would expand beyond syrups, were sold via a horse-drawn buggy.
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Willoughby McCormick was a huge proponent of marketing and branding and insisted that their branding and quality control be a part of every McCormick product they shipped out.
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He bet on the idea that customers pay more for a name if it was one that consistently proved valuable.
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and trustworthy and faithful.
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And it turns out he was right.
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The company was growing until that is it burned to the ground 1904.
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Rather than giving up Willoughby McCormick rebuilt his company from scratch started from zero again and promised all their employees a job after they rebuilt this.
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led to fierce employee loyalty to the family company.
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Willoughby McCormick passed in 1932 and was succeeded by his nephew, Charles P.
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McCormick.
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It's under Charles that the company adopted a new, upcoming spice.
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In fact, even produced the first of its kind spice that blended the wonders of the new world with the spices of the old one.
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And they called this
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pre-built, pre-packaged, pre-made, premium McCormick Spice Pumpkin Pie Spice.
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Pumpkin Pie Spice was sold under the McCormick label as a premixed product marketed by and sold as having won a warm colonial era spice and feeling.
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In fact, this Pumpkin Pie Spice was the chief and leading product for McCormick throughout the 1930s.
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and f**kies.
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It became a staple right next to Libby's pumpkin pie filling in a can and eventually made pumpkin pie the official pie of Thanksgiving.
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Look out, Apple.
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Take a step aside, pecan.
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Step over, cherry.
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This is pumpkin pies party.
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You're not invited.
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The spice moved away from pie and into cookies and cakes in the 60s and 70s.
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In the 80s and 90s, however, is where things began to get weird.
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Pumpkin pie spiced muffins, pumpkin pie spiced ice cream.
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But in the background, there was a growing market that's gonna collide with the pumpkin pie spice in a big way.
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because coffee culture was on the rise.
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And with it, a Seattle-based coffee chain that would eventually go national and global.
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In 2003, Starbucks launched the pumpkin spice latte as a seasonal experiment invented by product manager Peter Dukes.
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The recipe was espresso, milk, sugar, and a pumpkin spiced flavored syrup.
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In time, the pumpkin pie spice shifted to a new cultural icon, dropped the pie because really it quit being used primarily in pies and became known as the pumpkin spiced latte.
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McCormick defined the flavor and brought these spices together.
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Starbucks perfected and sent the flavor into a new craze unseen.
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before.
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In time, what was once a global connection of spice trade became a simple mixture and a delicious coffee.
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But I want to note, people do not stop there because while pumpkin spice is delicious, it also smells really good.
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Like really good.
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So much so that pumpkin pie spice after it left the spice racks,
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and entered baked goods and eventually coffee drinks, pumpkin spice would also leave the kitchen and coffee cups and invade our bathrooms.
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And so with this deep dive on pumpkin spice and a brief history on where this beloved scent, flavor, and spice profile comes from, it is my pleasure to introduce to you our
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ranked
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Pumpkin spice bathroom product.
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Our pumpkin spice bathroom products are going to be ranked on a number of criteria.
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Do they look like pumpkin spice?
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Do they smell like pumpkin spice?
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How good is the pumpkin spiced version compared to the regular version of the products?
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And a mystery criteria.
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As we jump into this ranked pumpkin spice bathroom products, the first thing I want to note is we really need to get a baseline.
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So I have here, it's whole Greggy's home.
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You know what I'm saying?
19:44
Yeah.
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Yeah, that's it.
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Little venti pumpkin spice.
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Got to get yourself a baseline.
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Also, I will be sure to, you will see here that just because
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We're going to be rating a number of pumpkin spice products.
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going show you kind of what we've got on deck.
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We've got pumpkin spice bath bomb.
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Pumpkin spice latte, bar of soap, phase one and phase two of bars of soap.
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We've got pumpkin spice dental gum.
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Pumpkin Spice Beard Oil Pumpkin Spice Lip Balm Pumpkin Spice Poo Puri I know.
20:24
Edgy.
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Pumpkin Spice Face Scrub Pumpkin Spice Shampoo Pumpkin Spice Oat Milk Beauty Mask
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Pumpkin Spice Dawn Dish Power Scrub.
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Pumpkin Spice Deodorant Phase 1 and of course Phase 2.
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The Pumpkin Spice Room Freshener by Air Wick.
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Pumpkin Spice Beard Balm and Matching Beard Wash.
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And last but certainly not least Pumpkin Spice Hand Soap and of course Pumpkin Spice Dude Wipes.
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So this is ranked.
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And as we get into this ranked, the first thing, so this is what we've got going on.
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These are going to be ranked
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on a number of criteria.
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One, they're gonna be sight.
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How do they compare to the classic pumpkin spice?
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Smell, what's the ol' factory feel of this pumpkin spice job?
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The test of like how usable is the product?
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Like does it hold up well in comparison to its non pumpkin spice counterpart?
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And last but not least is the yum yum flavor factor.
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What's it tastes like in comparison to OG regular standard issue pumpkin spice?
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And so we're going to dive in.
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And the first thing we need to do is we need to begin evaluating some of these things on, their, their smells.
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So, you know, it's really going to be kind of a labor of love here as we dive in, but we're going to be doing the smell.
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think we're going to do the air wick smell last because I think it's going to have the biggest potential for stank.
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I'm going to do this big job here.
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So I can tell you on site.
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This thing is very orange.
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Pumpkin spice latte is a little bit more, it's a little lighter in color than this, but it's pretty close.
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And actually, the pumpkin spice syrup that Starbucks uses.
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This is pretty close to what they got going on there.
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So we're going to get in here.
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We're going to do it the old fashioned way.
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We're 100 like busts a hole.
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So on site, I'd give it like a, like it's pretty close.
22:48
Like as far as pumpkin spice goes, this is going to be pretty close based just because it's on color.
22:54
So I think I would give the, the hand soap.
22:58
I'd give it a six for look, um, for smell.
23:01
Hmm.
23:02
Hmm.
23:03
I don't know.
23:04
Let's.
23:04
Let's get a little baseline here, but we're gonna have to, we're gonna be going back to the fount.
23:09
Yeah, that's what I thought.
23:10
So the thing about pumpkin spice latte is it is coffee scented.
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It has those coffee notes where this is purely pumpkin spice.
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Now I will say, a lot of times hand soaps have that like hand soap smell.
23:25
Not that, it was pretty good.
23:29
I'm gonna say the smell was, it was solid right down the middle five.
23:34
Uh, yeah, it is what it is next for smell.
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We're going to, we're going to bump right into, um, this is fabled beard companies, parasitic beard wash.
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So, we're to get in here and really get a gander at the look of this stuff.
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Um, it's pretty clear.
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Yeah.
23:59
You can kind of see it's totally clear.
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Um, so it does not look at all like pumpkin spice.
24:05
Let's give a little sniff.
24:06
Nah, nah, that's a zero.
24:08
That's a zero.
24:09
That's, that's like fable.
24:10
I don't know if your beard stuff's pretty good.
24:12
I, I'm actually a dark water man myself.
24:15
I like dark waters beard products.
24:20
But Fable Beard Wash, you get a one on looks, cause it's liquid.
24:23
And you get a zero on smell.
24:25
This one's nothing like Pumpkin Spice.
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Big, big whiff.
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I not a good way.
24:30
We'll stay with Fable.
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We're gonna go with their Beard Oil here.
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And as you can see, I'm getting into a lot of these products, so they're fresh.
24:38
This has not sat around and lost its stank for a while.
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Now, I'm gonna give it a one as well on the look, because it's Beard Oil.
24:46
Beard Oil always looks the same way, has the same
24:49
But let's see if we can redeem ourselves here in some smell factor.
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Okay, now we're dancing a dance.
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We're dancing a dance here.
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No, we're here.
25:00
No, no, I don't wanna put any on because it might mess up my scent, my scenting for the others.
25:07
But for looks, again, that smell, I think that's actually, might even be better than the soap.
25:13
I'm gonna give that, I got some oil on my hand and thus on my keyboard.
25:17
I'm gonna give that a solid seven for the smell.
25:20
That was good pumpkin spice.
25:22
Given big pumpkin spice.
25:24
Mojos.
25:25
Let's go over here.
25:26
This is again, fabled.
25:30
This is Beard Bomb Grip and Rip.
25:32
Oh boy.
25:36
Little chalk, a little more chocolatey than I was hoping.
25:40
Definitely notes of, of pumpkin.
25:42
Um, the look is, the look is a little more.
25:46
It, it actually is closer to, um, the look of, I'm going to give it a three on look.
25:53
It's not liquid, so it's hard to tell.
25:55
Um, and I got to give it.
25:58
I've got to give it a three on smell as well.
26:00
It's got too many notes of chocolate, but yeah, not bad.
26:04
I'm eager to put those through its paces.
26:07
And last from uh Fabled is their Fabled Pumpkin Spice deodorant here.
26:13
Okay.
26:16
The look is going to get the same as the Balm, you know, Fabled.
26:22
It's gonna be a three for looks.
26:24
It's mostly the same.
26:25
The smell is actually, man, I'm gonna give the smell a four.
26:29
It definitely is less chocolate, but the pumpkin smell could be stronger.
26:34
I'm interested to see, so I actually have two deodorants that I'm testing, and I'm actually gonna go for the other deodorant right out of the gate here next to that one.
26:43
So this is Dr.
26:45
Squatch's Drunken Pumpkin Pumpkin Spice Flavored deodorant.
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So the look,
26:51
is it's less it gets less on on the look because it is not as yellow it's a little more gray um so i'm gonna give the look a two but the smell yeah no no sorry i i'm a big fan of
27:08
the squash i'm a big fan of the squash but that smell is not as good i am gonna give it a three for smell for the squash and then we'll stay right at home drunken pumpkin
27:19
bar of soap.
27:20
Let's check it out.
27:21
Let's get into it here.
27:23
So Dr.
27:24
Squatch, these seasonal ones are sometimes, sweet lord, help us.
27:28
So I just smelled my microphone.
27:29
It was a weird thing and everybody saw it.
27:31
So the look, the color is definitely more pumpkin spice.
27:36
I'm definitely looking at like six, maybe five or six.
27:41
Definitely got some marbleizing on there.
27:45
Yeah, no, this is...
27:46
m
27:48
So the look, we're gonna go with a six.
27:51
I'll go a five on the look.
27:53
Looks a five, the smell however, is got to be like, it's the same as the hand soap.
27:59
And now that I'm thinking about it, I'm actually gonna drop the hand soap smell to a three.
28:03
It's got that like soap smell more so than the actual like, hey, this is this thing.
28:11
We're gonna stick with that to compare.
28:13
We're going to stick with the bar soap thing.
28:15
So this is Duke Cannon's pumpkin spice offering.
28:18
Now, first thing I'm noticing as I get in here, the big, again, Duke Cannon, they give you that fat brick of soap.
28:26
It is not as, as pumpkin themed.
28:28
So we're going to definitely, we're going to give it a three on look because it, you know, it's, it's kind of got that, that latte look, but not as much pumpkin is, is evident here.
28:39
Okay.
28:40
So this.
28:41
To me, this is better pumpkin spice smell than Dr.
28:46
Squatch's bar.
28:46
I'm actually gonna give this smell a five.
28:49
It's very, very good.
28:51
And I actually think that's the closest.
28:53
I wanna go back for, there's something warm about that.
28:57
Just warms you up all the way down.
28:59
What am I doing?
29:00
If I ain't gonna have a sip every now and then, what am I doing?
29:03
Yeah, I know, that smells a five.
29:04
Also kind of in the same theme, I got a little bath bomb.
29:08
We'll jump in here, find out.
29:10
So first things first.
29:11
It looks nothing like, other than it's in the shape of a pumpkin spice in a mug.
29:15
uh
29:18
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Now that ain't that just is not it here.
29:24
I'll get the wrapping off so I can really but I have a feeling it's going to be kind of messy and it's not really going to stay together very well because I can already see it
29:31
starting to crumble in spaces.
29:33
So, yeah, yeah, it straight up just looks like pumpkin cocaine is going everywhere right now.
29:38
We'll get this open here and we'll really give it a yeah.
29:43
Yeah, yeah, that's a big no for me.
29:45
That's a big no for me, dude.
29:46
That's.
29:47
That's bad.
29:48
That just smells like flowers.
29:50
The bath bomb, the look, we're going to give it a 2 because it's in the shape of a pumpkin spice latte.
29:55
The smells is a 0.
29:56
It is a big miss.
29:57
So we're to miss.
29:58
Now granted, there is going to be a use factor where I will smell them while I'm using them and that might edit these scores later, but this is an initial gut check score.
30:08
Next we're going to move into the pumpkin spice face mask.
30:13
Now truly, I'm sure
30:15
The internet is just waiting for Hunter's review.
30:18
Oh my gosh.
30:19
I don't even know how to interact with this product.
30:21
And this is beyond anything I've ever seen before, but the color is very pumpkin spice latte.
30:28
We're giving that, that look.
30:30
I mean, that's a five.
30:31
The looks a five.
30:33
It's a big no for me.
30:34
The looks a five, the smells a zero.
30:36
We're gonna go and put that lid right back on there.
30:39
Looks a five, face mask, FM.
30:41
Look is a five.
30:43
Smell is a zero.
30:45
Next up, we got a little Dove Cinnamon Pumpkin Pie.
30:49
Now granted, this isn't technically pumpkin spice, but it's the closest that I could find.
30:54
I'm gonna do my best to bring it to a head here so you can really get a feel.
30:59
that is the color of, it's pretty close.
31:02
I'd give it a four.
31:03
The four is, looks a four.
31:04
Smell is a little more vanilla-y than I would want.
31:08
So looks four.
31:09
uh Smell is gonna be a three.
31:11
It's nothing crazy, you know.
31:13
We're within the realm, but like we're not quite there.
31:16
We're going to jump.
31:18
let's go over here.
31:19
So this is Dawn Platinum Plus Power Wash Dispray Pumpkin Spice Scent.
31:24
Now I don't really know how to interface with this in a way that is wise while I record.
31:31
The looks, other than it's liquid, it looks nothing.
31:36
Hmm.
31:37
Let's get the lid back on there before we have a serious, serious problem on our hands.
31:41
You know what saying?
31:42
Yeah, you know, the looks are one.
31:44
The smell is, it's a two.
31:47
It's very, very, very subtle.
31:49
I'm wondering if a lot of these products as they interact with water, if it will increase.
31:58
Let's get, let's get into the Poo-Pourri.
32:00
So now Poo-Pourri, if you don't know, it's a spray before you go.
32:04
And I, I,
32:06
and I am almost afraid to uncap.
32:09
So yeah, it's clear-ish.
32:13
It's very fall, very fall infestive.
32:16
Yeah, so look again is one, smells a three, yeah we'll give it a four, smells a four, smells actually really good.
32:22
Big fan of that smell, I can't wait to blast my stink with that.
32:26
We're gonna open this last because I have a feeling that there's gonna be no returning and I think I'm gonna have to test this in real time and so I don't think I'm gonna be able to
32:35
crack this and do all my tests with it and really come back from it.
32:39
So this will be opened last.
32:43
So next up is our Burt's Bees Pumpkin Spice Lip Balm.
32:47
When your lips are chapped from the fall, from the winds, you get up in here.
32:52
Burt, dang it Burt.
32:53
Why has Burt got so many things to get into his balms?
32:57
Alright, so immediate look.
32:58
It's very white.
32:59
It's a one.
33:00
It doesn't look anything like pumpkin spice.
33:02
Burt, I don't think Burt's ever had pumpkin spice.
33:05
Looks a one, smells a one.
33:07
Burt B.
33:08
It's really, it's kind of sad.
33:10
know, I was, that was the one I was like, this might be it.
33:13
No.
33:13
I a couple of special things here.
33:15
This is pumpkin spice flavored Simply Gum.
33:19
Now Simply Gum is like healthy-ish for your teeth gum.
33:24
So we're gonna see.
33:25
my gosh.
33:25
Okay, first of all, first of all, that looks like rat poison.
33:30
You know, look, it's a one.
33:33
I don't know.
33:34
I don't know.
33:34
Smell is, I'm not getting a lot for smell.
33:38
Um, I'm hoping that when I begin chewing it, will, it will improve.
33:44
Smells probably a two.
33:46
There's some notes of cinnamon in there.
33:49
Now I'm really excited about this and I gotta confess.
33:53
I've, I've already been, I'm already way deep into the use of these.
33:58
These are Dude Wipes, Dunkin' Spice, flushable wipes.
34:02
And I have an open pack right there, I gotta confess.
34:05
But I'm gonna open one fresh so we can really make sure that we're getting the full effect of the smell.
34:13
We're not losing any of that smell flavor.
34:15
See, fresh package.
34:17
Yeah, it's pumpkin-y, it's pumpkin-y, see?
34:19
The look is a zero.
34:20
Like, it's a wipe.
34:22
But the smell, I'd give it a five.
34:24
It's pretty good, like...
34:25
They did a pretty good job.
34:26
got nothing to complain about there.
34:28
And then as promised here, the air wick air freshener.
34:32
Now this is going to be kind of a lot to dive into because once I plug this in, it is going to produce a stank and I don't know if it's battery operated or like what the
34:43
function of it is.
34:44
Yeah, it's battery operated baby.
34:46
There it is.
34:47
We got a big old cluster of batteries down in here.
34:50
So let's go ahead and
34:52
So I'm going to say the look of this is it's a one.
34:55
It's a liquid.
34:56
Like I said, know, liquids are going to score ones because pumpkin spice is a liquid.
35:00
Um, I guess pumpkin spices is a, a solid or a powder, whatever that is, but pumpkin spice latte is a liquid.
35:10
Now, uh, I'm going to get this kind of fired up here because I think this has the most promise in the area of, um,
35:23
smell.
35:24
Like I really think that this has the most promise to give good smell and I plan on leaving this to just enjoy this the aromas of the air wick throughout you know tis tis the
35:41
season.
35:41
Let's see it says 16 hour or 8 hour.
35:48
Oh I see use only air wicks.
35:50
Okay how do I do it though like
35:53
I probably shouldn't have thrown the box away, huh?
35:55
Batteries...
35:56
Icy.
35:58
I like stick the...
35:59
Yeah, that's a big win on the smell.
36:02
That's a solid seven for smell.
36:04
Airwick?
36:08
It's a seven.
36:10
Look as one smell is a solid seven.
36:13
That is delightful.
36:15
yeah, we're going to just cap that for a moment before we get it fired up for the evening here.
36:22
I'm just going to set that right there.
36:23
We're going to return to that font.
36:25
And then last and before we get into more here is the pumpkin spice oat milk face mask.
36:32
So let's crack it open, get it, get it popping, find out what's, what's good here.
36:37
Um, I don't know how wet this is.
36:39
That's what she said, but I know brother, there's no way I can interface with this and record.
36:48
It's far too wet.
36:50
It's far too wet.
36:51
How many is in here?
36:52
Bro.
36:53
Okay.
36:53
We can, we know what we need to know.
36:56
Here's what we need to know.
36:58
That's a zero on look.
37:00
That looks like weird placenta.
37:02
So looks is zero, hard zero.
37:05
Smell is also consequently zero.
37:08
I'm not getting any pumpkin spice on that.
37:13
Like I'm dipping my snoot way down in there and I'm not.
37:18
That doesn't bode well for my future.
37:20
So with that in mind, we've, you know, we've sampled the look and smell of all these, and now we're going to go test these products out for the next week or so.
37:29
And then I'll come back and report what we find.
37:37
So with that in mind, there's really only one thing left for us to test.
37:41
And that is the real tech.
37:44
People don't get pumpkin spice latte for what it looks like.
37:48
It looks nice and it smells delicious.
37:50
And these products all have their usability, but the real question on everybody's mind is how do they stack up and taste?
37:59
So first, first and foremost, let's get this big job out of the way.
38:03
We've got the pumpkin spice hand soap.
38:05
Now, I'm not drinking hand soap.
38:07
I'm not stupid.
38:08
But like, we gotta get a flavor for it.
38:10
You know what I'm saying?
38:12
It's a zero, brother!
38:18
I gotta, I gotta text it.
38:20
I got a text in something here.
38:22
Gosh, that is heinous.
38:26
That is heinous and bad.
38:27
oh please.
38:31
Okay.
38:33
Okay, here we go.
38:34
The fabled.
38:35
We're coming back.
38:44
uh
38:52
negative three.
38:55
How does it taste like pumpkin spice at all?
38:57
Mm-mm.
39:02
It tastes like swear words.
39:06
why is it oily?
39:08
Gosh, it tastes like swear words.
39:15
It's a negative three on taste.
39:16
need water.
39:17
What if it never goes away?
39:20
Okay, the oil.
39:23
Okay, this one's gonna be better.
39:25
I know it.
39:25
Wait a minute.
39:27
Wait a minute.
39:28
That's not zero.
39:30
That beard oil ain't bad.
39:31
I mean, it's not good.
39:34
like officially don't, but like.
39:38
That taste is, it's not a zero.
39:40
That's a, that's a two.
39:41
That's a two.
39:42
Now we got, we got to do, we got to reset.
39:44
We got to reset.
39:45
Get that little palette cleanser in there.
39:47
Okay.
39:48
Fabled balm with the, with the balm here.
39:51
Let's give it a shot.
39:52
Let see if, see if it stacks up.
39:54
Okay.
39:55
It's kind of hard, so I'm not sure how I'm going to lick it.
39:58
uh
40:13
Good at the other one.
40:13
um
40:20
Sorry.
40:20
Yeah, that's gonna be a zero.
40:23
That's a zero on taste for me, dude.
40:26
Now, the fabled deodorant stick.
40:28
Now, I must confess, and as you all know very well, this is not my first rodeo putting deodorant my mouth.
40:33
So I do know what to expect.
40:35
I do pray that it's different because if this is anything, I'm not gonna bite it.
40:38
I'm not dumb.
40:39
I would never do that.
40:40
But we gotta get, you know, gotta expose the stump a little bit.
40:44
Really circumcise the thing.
40:46
There we go.
40:47
And then,
40:49
Okay, it smells like I said.
40:58
That's actually not as bad as the other one.
40:59
It's just not good.
41:00
Like, it's a zero.
41:02
I mean, thankfully it actually almost tastes like nothing.
41:05
I know if I had bitten it, I would have probably thrown up.
41:08
So I chose to not to do that.
41:09
And then of course, the other deodorant.
41:11
It's so much more gray and circumcised the swatch.
41:19
um REEEE
41:27
Okay, no, no, no, no, that's a miss No, no, I've tied to both the deodorants.
41:34
The fabled deodorants gonna get a one It was mostly nothing but the doctor squash Dio for taste that's gonna be a negative one
41:43
He left a weird something in my mouth now.
41:48
We gotta go for the Dr.
41:49
Squatch bar soap for the taste test here.
41:52
It's very orange, so I'm hoping that maybe we actually have some pumpkin flavor in this.
41:56
So yeah.
42:04
better than the liquids, but it's still bad.
42:06
Why do they not taste like pumpkin spice?
42:08
They all smell good, but they all taste very bad.
42:11
Okay.
42:18
I just accidentally created soap bubbles in my mouth.
42:21
okay, the Squatch Bar Soap.
42:24
Not as bad as the deodorant.
42:25
We're gonna give it a zero.
42:26
I'm really bummed here.
42:29
The Duke Cannon on taste.
42:31
Where's that thick job?
42:33
There it is.
42:38
Get it.
42:38
Get back in here.
42:41
You know, I'm doing this so nobody else has to figure it out for you.
42:52
No!
42:59
Okay, Duke Cannon, that was bad.
43:02
That was negative two.
43:03
Why is it spicy?
43:04
Why is my tongue hurt?
43:05
think Duke Cannon actually has like some sort of a spice in the soap.
43:08
Highly do not recommend.
43:12
All right.
43:14
Bath bomb.
43:14
Now, listen, I'm not sure about this because we are so granulated at this point that I like, we're going to start dissolving as soon as we touch my tongue.
43:24
Also something was spicy in what I've done here.
43:29
I think it was the Duke Cannon.
43:30
Had a spice in it.
43:31
This smells...bad.
43:33
Like this sucks.
43:34
Who makes this?
43:35
Two sisters.
43:37
Maybe one of y'all to quit.
43:43
Oh no!
43:45
I need you now!
43:47
I need you now!
43:59
I have minus five.
44:00
Uh-uh.
44:01
I have minus five.
44:03
Get it out!
44:04
That's a minus five in case you didn't tell in the middle of all that.
44:07
Why is it salty?
44:11
Why is it salty?
44:15
Sick and bad.
44:16
That sucked so bad.
44:19
That sucked.
44:21
Alright.
44:24
Alright.
44:25
The face mask.
44:26
Now, this is, I will admit, I am actually scared.
44:29
It had salt in it.
44:30
So this is a face mask.
44:32
Help me.
44:33
This is very pasty.
44:34
Caution.
44:35
Keep out of reach of children.
44:36
For external use only.
44:38
Avoid contact with mouth and eyes.
44:41
May contain nuts.
44:48
it's clay.
44:49
It tastes like clay.
44:51
There's a lot of just trying to get it out of my mouth mostly because I don't want to be sick and go to the hospital.
44:55
That tastes like clay.
44:56
It's actually not as bad as a lot of the things I've tried, but it just tastes like clay.
45:01
It doesn't taste like pumpkin spice at all.
45:02
We need to reset.
45:07
Starbucks.
45:08
The face mask.
45:09
The taste is like a zero.
45:11
It tastes like clay.
45:13
Tastes nothing like pumpkin spice.
45:14
Dove shampoo.
45:15
Why does it have to be liquid?
45:19
It says cinnamon pumpkin pie.
45:21
Now I know what pumpkin pie tastes like and I'll tell you this, it doesn't look like this.
45:26
So we're just gonna.
45:35
Ahem.
45:40
Mmm!
45:55
Oh, that is real bad.
45:56
No, that's a zero for me.
45:58
That's a negative one.
45:59
Okay, we're getting it.
46:01
The Dawn power scrub.
46:02
Listen, I don't even know.
46:08
I don't even know.
46:10
It's dripping.
46:11
It's dripping on me.
46:12
I'm just gonna take a little bit from the bottom.
46:15
I call hamster.
46:15
No, that's dangerous for my face.
46:34
No, that's negative eight.
46:36
No, negative four.
46:37
That tasted, that was the first one I've tasted where I said, if I swallow this, I might be bad.
46:43
I mean, I might not be good.
46:45
Ooh, golly, Dawn Power Wash.
46:47
Okay, poop free.
46:48
Granted, this is supposed to be sprayed inside your toilet bowl before you drop ham.
46:52
How am I gonna try Air Wick?
46:55
I guess the same way.
46:56
Yeah, the little hamster pulls.
47:06
Nope.
47:06
Mm-mm.
47:08
Mm-mm.
47:09
Mm-mm.
47:10
More wiping.
47:12
More wiping.
47:13
More wiping.
47:16
I'm almost afraid to drink anything.
47:18
I'm also like losing sensation in my tongue.
47:20
I don't know if that's natural.
47:22
Sorry, sorry I had to do that.
47:23
That felt like the safest path forward.
47:25
Needless to say, Poo-Poo-Ree tastes a negative four.
47:27
Again, felt dangerous to me.
47:29
Birds of Bees, now, this one I'm, I think we could have some redemption here.
47:33
I think this could be the redemption arc because this is designed to be put on my mouth.
47:37
Like this, this is the closest any of these besides the pumpkin spice latte is supposed to come to be going into my mouth.
47:42
like.
47:46
And I used to eat this stuff as a kid.
47:48
100 % natural.
47:50
I say full set.
48:01
OHHHH oh
48:08
Am I her full fan?
48:22
got wax in my teeth.
48:27
Okay, here's what I'm gonna tell you.
48:29
The taste is a three.
48:30
That's one of the better ones that I've tasted.
48:32
So much wax in my mouth right now.
48:34
We're gonna end on the gum for reasons that are obvious here.
48:39
Yeah, so that means that the next thing I'll stick in my face is Dude Wipe.
48:47
Again, supposed to definitely go on your butt.
49:09
Honestly though, like, it's not good.
49:12
But like, didn't make me want to retch.
49:16
Somehow the wipe for your butthole is like a one.
49:23
It does not taste like pumpkin spice, but like I didn't want to, I didn't feel unsafe.
49:28
This is stupid.
49:32
Air wick now.
49:33
I don't even know how to set it.
49:34
Is it wet?
49:55
oh That's not safe.
49:58
It's in my nose.
50:01
Okay, that's a negative five.
50:02
That's...
50:03
the taste is bad.
50:04
Okay.
50:05
Okay.
50:05
We gotta get to this gum fast.
50:07
The oat milk mask.
50:08
Please...
50:09
please, God help.
50:10
Please let it be delicious.
50:12
It's oat milk and pumpkin.
50:13
It has to be good.
50:15
People...
50:16
You're frickin' kidding me.
50:19
Why does it have to be so wet?
50:23
There's not a chance.
50:24
Shoot.
50:25
Gosh!
50:26
Oh no, that's another rinse.
50:28
That's another rinse.
50:30
Mm-mm, mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.
50:34
That's negative four.
50:34
It's not the worst thing that I've done tonight, but that is awful.
50:39
How can oat milk, that's fake.
50:41
Freak, all that.
50:43
That is stupid.
50:44
Okay, this has gotta be the one.
50:46
Like, full reset.
50:47
my God, that's never tasted so good.
50:49
The Simply Gum.
50:50
Now again, it looks like rat poison, but it has to be the best tasting one.
51:00
Yeah, yeah, this almost immediately gets a thousand.
51:03
Bruh.
51:06
Bro, there ain't no way.
51:08
That's an eight.
51:10
Nay, that's almost a nine, bro.
51:14
That's baffling.
51:18
They caught it.
51:19
They did it.
51:20
That's fricking lightning in a bottle.
51:22
Simply gum, taste.
51:24
I'm putting an eight.
51:25
my gosh, it's so good compared to everything else I just did.
51:28
That's so delightful.
51:32
Okay.
51:33
Now for the results.
51:36
All of these considerations, it's time to discuss some things.
51:41
So the first is the hand soaps usability.
51:45
It's a five.
51:46
Like.
51:46
There's nothing wrong with it.
51:48
It's perfectly serviceable.
51:49
It's a perfectly serviceable gel hand soap, but it's nothing crazy.
51:53
It's not even my preferred hand soap.
51:55
The scent was fine.
51:56
But again, the smell was one thing we're going off of the usability compared to other hand soaps.
52:03
And I would much prefer, um, yeah, the pearlized is not really my thing.
52:10
Fable beard wash.
52:11
I will note it's usability.
52:13
I actually preferred it.
52:15
to some of the beard washes that I use.
52:17
Now I have a company that I use for most, if not all of my beard products.
52:22
Shout out Darkwater.
52:23
If you guys have beards, y'all need to be getting your beard products from Darkwater, Darkwater Supply.
52:30
I'll put even like, yeah, they're great.
52:33
They're a phenomenal Christian-owned company.
52:35
Great dudes.
52:36
They make great stuff.
52:37
Their coffee beard products, unmatched.
52:40
Their beard balm is my favorite beard balm.
52:43
And I will die on that hill.
52:45
However, that said the fabled beard wash was pretty good.
52:48
It had a seven in usability is definitely better than many.
52:53
Their beard oil was right down the middle, perfectly serviceable, a little strong in the scent for me.
52:59
But yeah, it was a five for me on usability.
53:02
Now their balm is going to get, I don't know if it was like what it was, but it's going to get a three.
53:08
Mine was kind of hard to get into for the fabled balm.
53:12
And the fabled deodorant, here's what I'm going say.
53:16
Um, I don't know if it's a fluke.
53:17
don't know what was going on, but it absolutely scorched my underarms.
53:22
Like I had to do three days of, of reset on no deodorant just to get my underarms unchafed.
53:31
I was fully chafed.
53:33
And so usability, was, it was usable, but I think it burned my, I think it's just a me problem.
53:38
I've given it a two.
53:38
I could give it a zero, but I'm not.
53:40
But the doctor's squatch Dio now.
53:45
huge fan.
53:45
It's getting a seven.
53:47
I was going to say six, but then I said seven.
53:51
Kids, chill out.
53:54
The Dr.
53:54
Squatch bar soap, also very excellent, good smell.
53:58
I'm giving it a five and I'll tell you why here in just a moment.
54:01
And I've learned some things because Duke Cannon is getting a seven on usability over Dr.
54:08
Squatch's five.
54:09
Now this is not me taking a stance on one that's better.
54:12
This is purely a size, shape, look, and use thing.
54:19
yeah, it just, don't worry about it.
54:23
Now this is where I must confess at the point of record and in order to release this episode, well, the bath bomb was untested.
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So I will give it a fairness score of five dead down the center.
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And I will update via social media once I have a chance to use it, but I'm pretty confident.
54:41
Like it's a bath bomb.
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It's gonna be pretty hard to mess that up.
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The only thing is I think is gonna make the water look like straight dookie, but we'll see.
54:50
The face mask, let me explain something to you.
54:53
The face mask straight up was whack as heck.
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Yeah, I had this thing on my face.
55:03
Usability, I don't really have a frame of reference for how usable it was compared to other face masks.
55:09
My wife seemed to think it was a pretty good one, so I'll give it a five.
55:13
The Dove shampoo also good usability.
55:17
I'm gonna give it a four because it's not like I actually preferred now the usability on the Dove Powerwash or the the Dawn Powerwash my wife said quote I like this stuff.
55:30
This stuff's pretty good So for her to give it a glowing review, we're gonna give that an eight.
55:35
Poo-pourri just like all Poo-pourri is highly usable.
55:39
Don't go unprepared.
55:42
I always
55:42
Like look how quickly I can get to Poo-Pourri.
55:45
Like look, did you see how quickly I got to that?
55:47
It's like, man, I got to do a Chaz flip.
55:50
You're to do a Chaz Royale.
55:52
Bam.
55:52
Poo-Pourri in hand.
55:53
So usability on the Poo-Pourri is going to get a seven.
55:56
Like every workspace should have Poo-Pourri.
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That's just facts.
56:01
Burt's Bees, the usability.
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is it's really, it's like a three or a four.
56:09
I'm gonna say four.
56:10
And the reason I'm saying four is it's lip balm, it's chapstick, like it is what it is.
56:16
But man, I wanted more pumpkin spice flavor.
56:19
It was so subtle.
56:21
The Simply Gum is getting a one.
56:24
And here's why.
56:25
It's not that it's bad, but of all the things that you actually put in your mouth, this one's just, if I would never use it over other gum, it was good.
56:35
and it was like good for your teeth or whatever, but like.
56:39
The flavor goes quick.
56:41
just kind of increasingly just becomes spicy in time.
56:46
The usability on the Dude Wipes is for sure an eight.
56:49
I found myself returning to the Dude Wipes over and over.
56:53
The Air Wick, we've been, we've actually placed the Air Wick in our laundry room because it's keeping, it's keeping things fresh.
57:01
The usability of the Air Wick is, I'm actually baffled that
57:05
We're enjoying it as much as I'm putting a nine on the usability.
57:08
Ooh, it said 69.
57:09
Ooh, I typed it wrong, that's weird.
57:11
And last, the face mask on the face.
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Again, I have no frame of reference, but Ana said it was a nice one, it was good.
57:24
So we're gonna give it a five as a frame of reference.
57:27
And so, without further ado, and so, the winner of the
57:34
Privycast's ranked pumpkin spice bathroom products is the Dunkin Spice Dude Wipes with a final score of 16.
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It's a good showing.
57:50
In a close second place was Fable Beards Beard Oil.
57:58
Mostly because that smell was so delectable.
58:01
It really did a lot of work there.
58:02
And then in a close third, right behind all of them was the Pumpkin Spice hand soap coming in at 14 Pumpkin Spice points out of a possible 40 I might add.
58:15
Dumpkin Spice Dude Wipes came in with 16 out of a possible 40.
58:20
None of these did great on taste I will add, except for maybe the gum.
58:23
It lost a lot of points on usability there.
58:31
This brings us to the end of another ranked and another episode of Privy.
58:35
Thank you so much for being here.
58:36
As always, we would love for you to leave the show rating and review.
58:39
The five star options are preferred.
58:41
can leave us a rating and review at Apple podcasts or Spotify podcasts.
58:44
And every rating and review you leave will donate a dollar to wounded warriors and living water international.
58:49
As a reminder to keep pooping in the free world, that free world was not always free and in pursuit of cleaner water for all.
58:56
Not everybody has it, but everybody should.
58:58
As we take time this
59:00
season to be thankful.
59:02
Show your thanks to the show and we might for the month of November bump that to a couple bucks for ratings and reviews left.
59:10
Thank you guys for joining us on this bathroom journey.
59:13
We want to thank Kevin, McCloud, and Pottington Bear for the use of their music during today's episode.
59:19
You can find their music online at incompetech.org and Pottington Bear or the sound of music or sound.
59:28
Picture of sound.
59:29
None of this is, we'll get this sorted out.
59:31
Sorry, Pottington.
59:33
I'm tired.
59:33
As always, you can send us an email, privycast.gmail.com.
59:37
Check out the website privy-cast.com.
59:40
We've got some fun stuff going on there.
59:42
Follow us on social media, at privycast.
59:44
You can follow me.
59:45
I'm at alat7.
59:46
Thank you so much for being here.
59:47
This has been another episode of privy.
59:50
Keep pooping in the free world.
59:52
Slurp that pumpkin spice.
59:54
And now, as always,
59:57
Don't forget to flush.
59:58
uh