Latest / Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling / Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 3 - Enter The Slicer

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Criminals of Isla Numus - Episode 3 - Enter The Slicer · Session Zero Heroes | TTRPG Actual Play Adventures & Improv Storytelling

0:00
Hello weary
0:11
traveler, I'm not sure what strange magic must
0:14
have brought you here, but you have stepped into a
0:17
realm of my creation, a sprawling
0:20
city filled with danger and glory and, most
0:22
importantly, lots of gold.
0:25
Out.
0:25
I call it Ilanumis. Who am
0:28
I, you might ask? M the name is Jargon,
0:31
and I'm the patron deity of gambling.
0:34
Long story short, this group of
0:37
idiots, or as you may call them, heroes,
0:40
made a bet with me that they had what it took to make a mass
0:43
trove of gold, but left some of the key
0:46
details blank. So I fill them in
0:49
myself. I send them to this pocket
0:51
dimension, into the city I had created
0:54
with brand new bodies they'd have to attune
0:57
to. Can these fools pass my test?
1:00
Or will they be trapped, uh, here forever?
1:02
So, experience, um, my world of trials
1:05
and tribulations and join alongside this
1:08
posse of pitiful people. Or as I like to
1:11
call them, the criminals of Isla
1:14
Numis.
1:16
Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of our D
1:19
D podcast, the, uh, Criminals
1:22
of Isla Numis. Ah. Uh, nailed it on
1:25
the first go. Look at that. Look at me go. Um. Ah. We still
1:28
are kind of unsure of what our little, like,
1:31
intro bit will be, or if we're
1:34
going to do an intro bit. But whatever the case, welcome back to
1:37
another episode. Um, I'm here with
1:39
Cameron. Cameron, who's your character again? Remind us.
1:42
Roric. Yes. And he
1:45
is a what now? He has been transformed into
1:48
a goblin. A goblin? Yes. Awesome.
1:51
Fantastic. Ah. Cubert. No,
1:54
I'm just kidding. Not
2:00
good. Fatty Lumpkin. Fatty Lumpkin over there. Shout out to
2:03
Lord of the Rings. Yes, that's right. Great Lord of the Rings, I
2:06
am Keto, who transformed from a
2:09
druid to a fighter
2:13
of, uh, what race? Uh,
2:16
you're an elf before. Cobalt variety. There you
2:19
go. Was an
2:21
elf, now a lizard guy.
2:24
Little baby lizard man. Huge improvement.
2:27
Awesome. All right, across from the table for me is
2:30
Jackson. Jackson, tell me a little bit about who you were and who
2:33
you are. I played Des. Uh, he was
2:36
a triton fighter. And now
2:38
is
2:39
Anku. Um,
2:44
isn't he Kanku? Yeah. Not Eric Cockra. Kanku. Not Eric Cochra.
2:47
That's okay. He's transformed.
2:50
Does not speak, only mimics speech.
2:53
That's right. Um, through things he has heard
2:55
before. Right, which you have recorded. Yeah, which
2:58
I have a soundboard on a really interesting soundboard.
3:01
Just random shock jockey. That sounds
3:08
this app that I use for it. You can just search, uh,
3:11
sounds, and I just need to find the really
3:14
goofy. What's that? Sound effect. Where someone's
3:17
running and they trip I gotta
3:19
find. Yeah, I don't know. Something along those
3:22
lines. All right, awesome. To
3:25
my right, at the end of the table, we got Quinn. Quinn,
3:28
you are the only one that is not a transformed,
3:31
previously existing character. You are your own
3:34
person that already existed in this world. Tell me about
3:36
yourself. I am Feather McGregor, also known as
3:39
Lil Sauce, little sauce. Um, I
3:42
am also a Kinku, and I speak in,
3:44
uh, the voice of my fallen
3:47
brother, basically my best friend, McGriddle.
3:50
That's right, McGriddle. Him. That's ah, how
3:53
I got. Awesome. Perfect. All right. And to
3:56
my immediate right, we've got Dave.
3:59
Dave here rounding out the Kinku
4:01
trio, playing, uh, as
4:04
Maki, formerly a human
4:07
monk, rogue, who
4:10
has been transformed into the body of a
4:12
Kenku sorcerer. Lots of
4:15
Kankus here. So we have cobalt, a goblin, and
4:18
three of the Kanku Trio. Awesome. Fantastic.
4:21
You guys were all thrown into a city. This is all in the intro. I don't
4:24
know why I'm bringing it back up again. I kind of feel like at the beginning of every episode
4:27
of Solar Opposites where he just kind of starts shouting, like, basically the
4:30
intro of the actual premise of the show. I digress.
4:33
You guys are all thrown into this world, transform into new bodies by some
4:36
mysterious deity that you had sort of kind of met. Except for you,
4:39
Quinn. Again, outside the situation, this is just
4:41
normal god to you. Yeah, he
4:44
just randomly shows up. Well, he doesn't show up. You just hear his voice.
4:47
He's, uh, like today in the commerce
4:58
last episode, you all attempted to go into
5:01
a casino and really gamble away.
5:04
Attempted. We made it into casino. You
5:07
successfully made it into the casino, and we successfully made some
5:10
money. You successfully made some money. Successfully got
5:13
kicked out of the casino. Thank you, Dave. That's correct.
5:16
All three things you need to do at a casino. That's
5:18
right. If you're not doing all three, you're doing it wrong.
5:21
All right, so kicking things off. I know what I'm doing this
5:24
weekend. There you go, kicking things
5:27
off. You guys are standing immediately outside of the
5:29
casino. You've just been very, uh,
5:33
sternly, ah, asked to leave
5:35
and sort of guided to the exit door
5:38
from which you were pushed out of. And there you
5:41
stand in the sunlight of, um, the almost.
5:44
Sorry about the hiccups of the almost
5:47
noon hour, um, and the
5:49
bustling streets surround you.
5:52
All right, little sauce, where's the next casino?
5:55
Wow. I'm not exactly sure. I
5:58
really don't get around that much,
6:01
but I think it might be over. That way
6:04
you can ask the locals. Locals will know. But you
6:07
are a local. Yeah, but I don't go around
6:10
everywhere. I don't have some sort of
6:13
gambling problem. Weren't we going to go to the tavern?
6:17
Yeah. I still haven't had a drink yet.
6:20
I specifically remember saying we were going to
6:23
the tavern last. I
6:26
remember. Then we can go
6:29
spend all of your hard earned.
6:32
Was it six gold? Eight.
6:35
Oh, sorry. I, uh, got six gold.
6:38
That's right. Off to the tavern. Uh,
6:41
lead the way. You allow Feather McGregor to lead you
6:43
over to the nearest tavern, which is not far away.
6:46
Bars and taverns. Never far
6:49
from a casino. And, uh, you
6:52
come across one. You come across
6:55
a tavern called a drizle,
6:58
uh, of fizzle. Uh, you
7:01
see a man step out, and he has a
7:04
potion in his hand, and he drinks. It's like a yellow
7:07
fizzy potion, uh, in a bottle. He
7:10
takes a sip, and all of a sudden, he grows 3ft
7:13
taller, and he ha. And he
7:16
starts to walk away, feeling very full of
7:18
himself in his new heightened form.
7:23
Uh, Maki rubs his eyes and says, did you
7:26
guys see that, too? Sorry. I was
7:29
trying to read the sign.
7:31
Oh, I know that's tough for you.
7:34
You would think, new body. I could be able to read. No, still
7:37
can't. Uh, as you guys are standing there chatting
7:40
with each othEr, a wagon starts to slowly make its
7:43
way past you. And then all of a sudden, you see it
7:46
hit a rock, and the wheel snaps in a
7:49
section of it. And, uh, there's a little gnome that's driving
7:52
this. It's pulled by two mules. And the little gnome with
7:55
his, uh, he's got a straw coming out of his mouth. He's got a little whip
7:58
in his hand, and, uh, he's got a big old straw
8:01
hat on the top of his head. He's hauling some hay,
8:04
it seems. And he goes, ah, dang it. And he
8:07
runs over. He looks at the wheel and he goes. He runs
8:10
into very tavern you stand outside of.
8:12
And a couple of seconds later, he comes out with a fizzy red
8:15
potion. He takes a sip, he walks
8:18
over, puts it into his cart, walks over to the wheel,
8:21
lifts the entire cart, uh, up off the
8:23
ground, and starts to repair the wheel with one
8:26
hand while he holds the cart up with the, uh, other.
8:30
Look at this guy.
8:33
What kind of sauce they got in that sauce?
8:36
Little, uh, sauce. I don't come here very often,
8:38
but, uh, I'm interested to find out. You guys want to go
8:41
in?
8:44
Yeah,
8:50
sure. I'll come in. All right,
8:53
you guys step inside. You find not too many people
8:56
are inside right now. It's only about noon. And not a lot of
8:59
people drinking during the day, necessarily. Um,
9:02
there's a woman that's running the bar. Uh, she
9:05
seems like she's got a mortar and pestle and
9:08
she's, like, mixing some things together, crushing them up, uh,
9:11
inside this mortar pestle, mixing them with some other things and whatnot.
9:14
And eventually, she turns around. She's got a big old jug of
9:16
something. She dumps it into, um, what looks to
9:19
be a series of glass,
9:22
um, jars with sort of like a spigot
9:25
on each one of them. Um, they're all various colors.
9:27
Some of them are green, some of them are blue, some of them are red.
9:31
Uh, some of them are yellow. They're all kind of fizzly
9:34
as if by some sort of mysterious heat
9:36
source.
9:37
Is keeping it, like, almost bubbling.
9:39
And, um, what's the word I'm looking for?
9:41
Boiling. Uh, she pours this into one of them that's
9:44
looking a little bit low. And sure enough, it fills up. Uh, I
9:47
believe it'd be the Red one. And, uh, she turns towards
9:50
you and she's like, oh, welcome that. Come on
9:53
into the drizzle of
9:55
fizzle. What can I get you?
10:00
My friend here has been, uh, looking for a drink for a while.
10:06
Sorry, what was that?
10:09
Give him a beer. A, uh,
10:12
beer.
10:15
Two beers. All right. Yeah, give me
10:18
two beers. That's even better. Total
10:20
of three beers. Unless you want a third one.
10:23
I want one. All right, so a total of four
10:26
beers. I'll take one of those colored drinks that
10:29
they were running out with outside. Oh, sure. Which
10:32
one would you like? What options are
10:34
there? Yes, well, we've got plenty of potions. You
10:37
could get a potion of strength, a potion
10:40
of invisibility. A potion of.
10:44
Let's see. What did I just tell them? Oh,
10:47
yes. A potion of enlargement. Yes,
10:50
the men always seem to go for enlargement.
10:54
Uh, is this a topical
10:56
potion or, uh, do you just
10:59
drink it? What do you mean by
11:02
topical? The
11:05
localized effect, perhaps? Uh,
11:08
yes. These are short term effects
11:12
to this site of action. My
11:14
beak. Longer.
11:17
Okay. I will say the
11:19
enlargement potion it will make just about
11:22
everything on you. Larger.
11:25
Oh,
11:29
my m nose. And
11:32
everything else. My ear. That would be
11:34
included. Left foot. Absolutely.
11:38
What's that green one? Oh, yes, the
11:40
green one.
11:43
Once I pull, um, up Dnd beyond, I can tell
11:46
you all about what that green one's all about.
11:49
Not local. Got it. What's that
11:52
beer colored one. Oh, yeah, that one right there. That's
11:55
a real special one. That is beer.
11:58
Perfect. Slide
12:01
those over. And I pull out a payment for
12:03
the beers. All right, so she slides out, if
12:06
I, uh, remember correctly, total of four
12:10
beers. Two for Dave, one for,
12:13
uh. Or, sorry. Two for
12:15
Maki, one for
12:17
Roric, and one for
12:22
Pumpkin's character. I don't think I had ordered one yet. I
12:25
was just inquiring about the.
12:29
That's right. That's right. You did ask for one. Okay, so she slides
12:32
on over. Yes. Accidentally, I guess.
12:35
He was ordering one for Maki, but she
12:38
counted it for him. Sorry.
12:41
Uh, it's two gold. Two gold pieces. I'm new
12:43
to this, uh, bird body, so I just
12:46
dip my beak and
12:49
just swash around. It's a mess.
12:52
Beer is Everywhere. Oh, goodness. Is it two
12:55
gold per or one? No, just two gold total.
12:58
Oh, total for all four. For all the beers?
13:01
Yeah. So it's like half a gold of beer.
13:06
Uh, wait.
13:09
I know one person who's got all that money.
13:13
Mafia already put the money on the table. He's
13:16
already half finished
13:18
one drink. He's putting the money on the bar as he's
13:21
downing the first beer. Uh,
13:24
Maki's back. How much do one of them funky
13:27
potions run, anyway? Well, it depends which one you
13:29
want. For what you were asking about, sir,
13:32
the green one, does it turn him into
13:35
a goblin? No, it's a potion of
13:38
diminution, gazoo type.
13:41
Diminution. Diminution?
13:44
Yeah, it makes you smaller. Uh, potion
13:47
of Jimmy Neutron. Oh,
13:51
Jimmy Neutron. I know him. He's my
13:53
cousin. You were asking about the dark green one,
13:56
right? There's also a light caught my eye. Oh,
13:59
yes. That's the potion of diminution. But if you want the light
14:02
green one, that's a potion of gaseous form.
14:09
It'll make you gassy.
14:12
Is that really all it does? Well,
14:16
in a sense, absolutely.
14:19
I'll take one of each.
14:22
Okay. One of each. Money bag for
14:25
here to go. To go.
14:28
Shouldn't you be saving your money? For what that God guy
14:31
called a level up, quote unquote. Don't
14:34
really know what that was.
14:38
What are you guys talking about? That God guy.
14:42
We told you about him already. Guy in the sky told
14:45
us that body
14:47
swapped.
14:50
Have you ever seen that movie, uh,
14:53
Friday.
14:56
Lindsay Lohan?
15:01
Uh, Maki, just to clarify, there is a
15:04
long line of glass jars with
15:07
spigots on them?
15:11
You said one of each. No, the
15:14
two she mentioned. Oh, gaseous form. And the two
15:16
green ones. Sorry. And then clarify
15:19
for me. When she said for here to go, how did you
15:22
respond to go? Okay, what's
15:25
the difference? There's one coming like a mug, and the
15:28
other one comes in the glass jar. Okay, fair enough.
15:31
Uh, why'd I ask, you know, stupid questions?
15:34
It's going to cost you the left pinky.
15:37
That'll be
15:39
285
15:42
gold coming in.
15:45
Hold order, please. She's
15:48
holding the spigot. She's got the mug under it, just about
15:51
to pour. Oh, okay.
15:55
Why is it so expensive? Well,
15:58
they're potions, after all. I mean, to
16:01
go, it's a lot more. Can I have a spree sample?
16:04
How much? Here. Uh,
16:07
demination. I can
16:10
give you a sample for a gold. Sure.
16:16
She has these tiny, little, like, thimbles.
16:19
They're not even a shot glass. It's a thimble. And she walks up to
16:22
the spigot, which is still pretty big. It's a shot glass for a goblin.
16:24
She turns the spigot ever so
16:27
slightly so that just a single drip comes out into
16:30
the thimble, and she quickly twists it the other way to shut it
16:33
off. She comes over, and she hands you
16:36
the thimble. Uh, bottoms up. And
16:39
I just quickly drink it. You, uh,
16:42
shrink an inch.
16:45
An inch? That's right.
16:48
Oh, boy.
16:51
Look at all that, guys. Am I smaller?
16:57
Yeah, you're looking a little light there.
17:01
White. No
17:03
light. Oh, white.
17:08
Do you think I can fit into a mouse hole now?
17:13
Uh, depends how big the mouse is.
17:17
I didn't shrink that much. How much m did I shrink? Show
17:20
me. I paid a gold for that much.
17:23
It's a podcast, guys. You got to speak
17:29
an inch. That's good.
17:32
I got ripped, uh, off. Well, you only
17:35
wanted a sample. I thought it
17:38
would be like the amount of time it lasts
17:41
is shorter, not the. And I'm only giving you one
17:43
sample because you guys are new here. How
17:46
much is it for here?
17:49
Well, it depends of that particular
17:52
one. Well, just take his order. And how much was it
17:55
for here? Yeah, I told him that was the two.
17:58
That was to go Price. No, that was the for here price.
18:01
No, you said it was the to go price. No, I said the to
18:04
go price is a lot more
18:06
expensive. It's. Give her
18:09
the eye. I don't know about the
18:12
service of this establishment, guys.
18:16
I'm trying to run a legitimate business here.
18:18
You obviously don't understand the values of potions.
18:21
How many other potion taverns are
18:24
there? Zero. Not
18:26
even this one? We're the only. You said
18:29
other. You said other. I don't
18:32
know words. Well, you're learning
18:35
today. There are no other,
18:39
there are no other taverns that keep
18:42
magical potions on tap. We're the only ones.
18:45
If you, uh, are having a long day at
18:47
work and you need something to really refresh
18:50
you and put you back into spirits,
18:53
we might have something for that. If you get beat
18:56
up by some gang members, you could
18:59
stop in. We can heal you up with one of our potions. If you
19:02
need to get bigger or smaller or stronger
19:05
or faster, you could stop on by. We'll have you
19:07
ready to go with it a couple of minutes. What else is
19:10
going on in this tavern right now? Um,
19:13
sure. There's another woman that's also kind
19:15
of working on prepping ingredients. She's
19:18
chopping things or she's grinding things up. Um,
19:21
or she's juicing some things, like, uh, some
19:24
fruits and such. Um, otherwise, you do
19:27
see various other drinks options and such like
19:30
that, but it's not particularly busy. As far as people goes,
19:33
there's not a whole lot of customers in here. You see
19:36
maybe three individuals that are
19:39
inside this tavern. Um, one
19:41
of them is a really
19:44
muscular dwarf
19:47
with a hammer strapped to his back. One of them
19:50
is a
19:52
gnome who is heavily armored. And, um,
19:55
then there's a bugbear, and he's not super heavily
19:58
armored. He's wearing some kind of like, um, fur
20:01
based armor or more like
20:04
clothing almost. It's just so barely
20:06
armor that you just assume it's pretty much just clothes. It's like a cloak
20:09
or whatever.
20:12
He's kind of overhearing you guys, and he's just chuckling to
20:15
himself a little bit. That's quite an operation you got
20:18
going back there. What are all those
20:20
ingredients you're chopping up? Oh, all sorts
20:23
of components for all sorts of different magical
20:26
needs. All of these are necessary in order
20:29
to make the various incredible potions that we stock
20:32
here at the shop.
20:35
Well, uh, you ever have any
20:38
trouble supplying those
20:40
ingredients? Trouble? Sure.
20:43
Yeah, absolutely. Um, most of it comes
20:46
in from out
20:49
of the city, of course. We don't really have a whole lot that gets stocked
20:52
or grown here, although a little bit does get grown
20:55
based on the area and
20:57
what's possible to grow around these parts. But,
21:00
um, it can be a little bit
21:03
tricky. There are times when we're not able to stock some of the
21:06
potions that we have because we're not able to get
21:08
the ingredients in that we need. So it is
21:11
occasionally, uh, a problem, for sure. Why do you
21:14
asK? Well, the
21:17
price of your potions maybe you'd be willing to
21:20
pay, uh, to supply some ingredients.
21:23
To source some ingredients for you? Sure.
21:26
Well, if you can bring me some, uh, samples, I'd be
21:29
more than happy to, uh, take a look and see
21:32
what kind of deals we could make.
21:35
Well, what kind of stuff are you looking
21:38
for? She kind of
21:41
pauses for a moment and she kind of thinks, and then she
21:44
quickly grabs a piece of paper and she starts
21:46
to kind of furiously list a number of things. She's
21:49
scratching down all sorts of plants and, uh,
21:52
other minerals and other materials and
21:55
things. Um, she hands you the list and she's
21:57
like, these are the things that I, more often than not,
22:01
can't get a hold of. If you ever come across any of
22:03
these things, feel free to, uh, like I said, bring them my
22:06
way, take a look, and
22:09
there's a good chance I'd be happy to buy them off of you.
22:13
Excellent. I'm a bit of a brewer
22:16
myself. Not a magical
22:19
brewer, but, uh, more,
22:21
uh, libation type
22:24
brew. Well,
22:28
we do have a monthly, uh, brew
22:31
that we will host based off of a local brewer.
22:34
We'll sort of do a split profits thing within
22:36
our store. So if you ever do develop anything and
22:39
you want to bring it over, got some hops
22:42
or what have you, uh, we'd be happy to stock
22:45
it. There are some requirements, of course. You
22:48
have to be able to have enough for us to keep it on hand, and we
22:51
have to know that you're, uh, trustworthy to make us more
22:54
as necessary. But again, we share the
22:56
profits. You
22:59
don't say. I'll keep that in
23:02
mind. Absolutely. Is there,
23:05
uh, anything else I can help you lot
23:07
with? Des just kind of
23:10
stares into her eyes.
23:13
No motions, no words. Just.
23:17
Is there anything I can help you with, little one?
23:20
A few awkward, uh, blinks are
23:22
shared. You feel free to talk when you're
23:25
ready. Deep down, he
23:28
wishes. He wishes he could speak all the words he wants to
23:31
speak, but all that comes out
23:34
is sound.
23:38
He says the word sound, he just
23:41
goes, sound.
23:50
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you can get. Now back to the show.
24:26
Um, hey, where's a fella got to go to get
24:29
to see the job board? Job board. Well, I suppose
24:32
it depends on what kind of jobs you're looking for. I mean,
24:35
there's always the mercenary skills.
24:38
I, uh, don't know. Sometimes you can just find
24:42
various things around,
24:45
share, just kind of post it, I suppose. Uh,
24:49
just look at any posts or
24:52
anything a sign is sticking out of that's made of wood
24:55
sticking out of the ground. Sometimes just walls.
24:58
Sometimes people put notes on those.
25:01
I mean, around here in the Atlantic Heights district,
25:04
sure. You'd definitely be able to find stuff like that.
25:07
You won't find it in Asgardia. Mercenaries, uh,
25:11
guild mercenaries. Guild.
25:13
What's wrong with Asgardia? Oh, they're
25:16
just very prim and proper. Over in Asgardia, you've got to
25:19
get permits. I mean, honestly, I don't think anybody would
25:22
even deem to put something up on a
25:25
wall or a post or a board of some
25:27
kind. The people over there are very
25:30
well connected. If they have a job that they need
25:33
done, they'll find someone to do it.
25:37
Well, we've dealt with their kind before.
25:41
As long as they don't wear any weird
25:43
costumes. Like the last city we were in.
25:46
Yeah. Oh, I don't know. Those
25:49
Asgardian people over there,
25:53
uh, just for any kind of, uh,
25:56
potential copyright purposes, is spelled
25:59
ass. I was guardian. Just going to,
26:01
uh, ask in character.
26:05
Okay. Yeah, go for it.
26:07
Okay. Uh, is that ass or
26:10
ass? It is ass.
26:12
Like the donkey. Bunch
26:15
of rich people are going by the name Ass
26:18
Guardian. And they're fine with that.
26:21
She pauses for a moment and she goes, you know, I never really
26:24
thought about it. No, I'm kidding. Of course, we all call them
26:27
that. Behind. Well, I mean, that is what they're called, but we make jokes about
26:30
it behind their backs. By jokes, you just enunciate, um,
26:33
the first part a little more. Oh, you know,
26:36
those rear ends or those
26:40
butt guardians kind of
26:43
stuff like that. It's more contextual.
26:48
It's funnier in context.
26:52
You're not from around here, are you? Sure
26:55
we are. I feel like you would have
26:58
heard those jokes we make if you were from around
27:01
here. They're not good. That's why I haven't heard them. I'm sitting in
27:04
the back dying.
27:08
Do you see, uh, that bugbear guy, he's also kind
27:11
of just losing it. The other two guys seem pretty, like,
27:14
just uninterested in you guys, but that bugbear guy is
27:17
getting a big kick out of the whole thing.
27:20
Uh, anyways, so
27:23
should we go become mercenaries?
27:27
Does nods get a lot of I could do
27:29
for a bit of action. There's two. That's
27:32
two. Three votes. A and if we find
27:35
a casino on the way, no more the Mary. What?
27:38
You haven't even played a single slot. Because
27:41
somebody got me kicked out. Somebody? It was your
27:44
plan. I still barely know what you guys are
27:47
even here for. Uh, we're here to be mercenaries. Of,
27:50
uh, course. I don't know if I'm interested in
27:52
that. I can help you make money. You said you wanted to make money.
27:55
Yeah. What's the money for? Follow me.
27:59
Okay? Follow Dev. Guys.
28:02
What's the money exactly for? We can talk on the
28:05
way. And we go walk. Start heading
28:08
out, uh, as you guys. Wait. Did Maki finish his two
28:10
beers? Did Maki finish his two beers? Almost
28:13
immediately. You want to
28:16
roll me a constitution save and see how you're
28:18
feeling? I'll, uh, say the first beer was fine, but that
28:21
second beer. Where's that? We're Golden
28:24
23. Holy cow. Ah, yeah, you downloads. You're feeling
28:27
good. Just like home. Yeah, I
28:30
drank mine, but only, like, half. You, uh, start to wonder to yourself,
28:33
maybe this body is also just as, uh,
28:36
safe against the effects of alcohol as you
28:39
built up your previous body to be. Mind
28:42
over math. Just the
28:45
mentality of it. Yeah, maybe some
28:48
techniques that you've used all about the
28:50
breathing.
28:54
As you guys walk out, you see the bugbear kind of flip
28:57
a coin, uh, to the bartender chick, and he
29:00
comes walking up behind you guys, and he says, hey,
29:03
uh, you guys are pretty funny. Back
29:06
there in the bar. I was just kind of
29:08
overhearding some of your talking. I overheard something
29:11
about you needing some work.
29:14
I might have something for you if you're interested. If
29:17
not, no big deal.
29:22
Well, I'm not really sure. Guys, I
29:25
got my sauce business. I'm just trying to help you guys out.
29:28
You said you would help us out. Let's hear what he's
29:31
got to offer here.
29:34
It could be the job of a lifetime,
29:37
M. Oh, it is. It's probably not.
29:40
Uh, I offered you guys the job of a lifetime making
29:43
sauce. We
29:45
don't got years. We got months.
29:48
I want my old body back
29:51
anyway. Sir. What is it? What?
29:58
Hold that thought, okay?
30:02
Shut up over there. I'm just
30:05
sitting there like these guys are nuts. I just want to help them
30:08
make some money, and I'm kind of just with them to keep an eye on
30:11
them at this point, see what's going on because they're clearly
30:15
getting weirder and weirder. I don't know what's going on. That's true,
30:18
that's true. Uh, they called me the
30:20
Slicer. Yeah.
30:23
Not my real name, but, uh, that's what I'm going to leave you with. Uh,
30:27
anyways, uh, I run with a pretty tight knit group
30:30
here, uh, in the city. Would I know what his name is? Would I know
30:33
this guy just from around. Roll a history check. Someone to be
30:36
like, dude, I know your name. Your name is, like, Brad or something.
30:41
16 plus 319. Okay, yeah.
30:44
What's his name? Uh, it's not that you know his name, but
30:47
you recognize the name, the slicer reputation.
30:50
He's a somewhat low
30:53
tier criminal here in the city, uh,
30:56
who is known for kind of just general
30:58
thuggery, uh, larceny,
31:01
extortion, a little bit of theft,
31:04
slicing. Slicing ham. Uh,
31:07
he's a ham slicer. Yeah. Well,
31:09
violent. Yeah, a little violent. Like just violently
31:12
slicers. Well, when you're extorting
31:15
people for things. So he's an extortionist. Yes,
31:18
he says that. Do you say that? Do you say
31:24
you have literally seen wanted posters for
31:27
him that said theft, larceny,
31:30
extortion and violence? How much? I
31:33
just be like, Mr. Slicer,
31:36
I think we're good. These guys are going to work in the.
31:40
Mr. Slicer. These guys are going to work in my
31:43
sauce shop. Sir,
31:45
I've already claimed these employees. I understand
31:48
that. I know the unemployment rate
31:51
isn't very high here. Most people have jobs, but I got
31:54
these ones in the back. These are covered. I don't know, I feel like
31:57
slicing Ham is our superior to the
32:00
sauce business. So let's hear them out.
32:02
Well, ham is all year round. Ham is all year
32:05
round. Yeah. I, uh, mean, I like Ham, like the next guy. I don't
32:08
really know what that has to do with anything. Slice ham.
32:11
No, exactly. Look, like I said,
32:14
I'm part of a little bit of, let's say, a secret
32:17
organization, and, uh,
32:21
we, uh, all kind of work, uh, with each other,
32:25
uh, for our own profit.
32:27
And I, uh, got a bit of a job. But here's
32:30
the thing. I kind of got to know that you guys
32:33
are, well, uh, cool. I got to know that you
32:36
guys can run with the big dogs like
32:38
me. You came to us.
32:41
Yeah. I feel like you've got the
32:44
makings in. Yeah, I need to see
32:47
it to believe it. What does that entail?
32:49
Do we have to just wear cool sunglasses or
32:52
something? Not quite that collars.
32:56
Not quite that easy. Uh, I need to know that, like
32:59
I said, that you guys are cool. That's the real thing here. I know
33:02
that you guys look like you're capable of doing exactly what
33:05
I need from you for my job, but I need to know that
33:08
you'll be cool with that job. So, I
33:11
mean, if you guys could prove to me that you can be
33:14
cool, I think we could be in business. We could get
33:17
something going here. What do you say,
33:19
guys? Can we go talk about this
33:22
elsewhere? Yeah, sure.
33:25
Recess. Five minutes? Sure.
33:27
Yeah. Uh, I'll be right over here.
33:31
He sort of, like, backs up and he almost disappears into some
33:34
of the shadows. Do we kind of see his silhouette there?
33:37
Do we hear, like a knife sharpening? No
33:40
sharpening. No slicing.
33:43
He's just over there.
33:49
Little aside. We just hear a woman
33:51
scream from the alleyway. Just
33:54
got a slice of hammer.
34:00
All right.
34:04
I literally know this guy. He's got wanted posters
34:06
up all over the place. For how much?
34:09
Uh, there's a lot of things. Theft, larceny.
34:12
Larceny, extortion
34:15
and violence. His name is a slicer. I think
34:18
that last one's a given. I'm going to be, uh, honest. Those Hams did
34:21
not see it coming. He's not slicing
34:24
hams, you idiot. What do you
34:27
mean he slices people? That's
34:30
illegal. Yeah,
34:34
so you said wanted posted.
34:37
How much did he go for?
34:41
That, uh, sounds like a quicker profit to me.
34:44
Is there a wide poster around? Yeah, there's one
34:47
right there.
34:50
Yeah, you turn around and there's a pole sitting there.
34:53
There's papers all over it, but one of them that sticks out, you
34:55
can just see like, it's half covered with another paper,
34:58
but you can see the other half of his face. And it says
35:01
150 gold pieces. That's nothing. I might as
35:04
well just work for him.
35:09
Wait, what? He can hear my
35:12
thoughts. Why don't you guys turn him
35:15
in and then you could take the 150 gold.
35:19
Uh, now you're just stealing my ideas. No,
35:23
dad said so. Guess we got to listen.
35:26
You guys are going to make crimes. Hang on.
35:29
I got one for that. Yeah.
35:33
Guys, I don't think I can be a part of
35:36
this. Hey, I really wish
35:39
I had a too bad button feather.
35:42
How much money would you say you
35:45
make in prime sauce
35:47
season? In prime sauce season, I probably
35:50
make
35:52
twelve. No, you don't.
35:56
I don't even need to answer that question. Just
35:59
tell your wife there's five of
36:02
us. How do you like to
36:04
make 200,000 gold in the next
36:07
six months? Well, I mean, that sounds all nice.
36:10
And I'd like to do it legally. I'm a
36:13
moral code of it. Cold?
36:17
Well, yeah,
36:19
that's all well and good, but what's wrong with cutting
36:22
some corners here and there? Not
36:25
filling out the proper paperwork? In some
36:28
cases, slicing
36:32
people. Ham. It's ham. Okay.
36:35
Pig people. Long pig. Long
36:38
pork. Long pork.
36:41
Dry, rub,
36:46
rub, seasons.
36:51
This is a bad idea. Uh, okay. How else are we going
36:54
to get a million gold? Why do you need a
36:57
million? I've told you multiple times. I don't
37:00
think you have. We need a m million gold
37:03
to get our bodies back. Your body is
37:06
right here. Now, as a refresher, is that a million gold
37:09
each? No, it is total collective. Unless
37:12
we somehow get a million gold real quick. Um.
37:15
I don't think I need to explain. Um,
37:18
your body is right here. You are a little tiny goblin person.
37:21
You'll never be anything else.
37:24
Now that's small thinking. Okay.
37:27
Wow. Yeah. I'm going to someday
37:30
be a big goblin, uh, person.
37:32
Maybe even own a
37:35
house over in Asscrackville.
37:39
So suck on that small meat.
37:41
Small sauce. Uh. Boy. Well, wait. Were
37:44
you born in this bag? In this bag?
37:47
Yeah, that's where we're in, right? Just big old
37:50
bag. It's like a pocket dimension.
37:53
Pocket. Were you born in. Sorry. Pocket.
37:56
Were you born in this dimension?
38:02
You mean this world? Yeah, this world.
38:05
He was just copying what? Uh, Mr.
38:07
JarJim. Jarjim. What he said before.
38:10
Yeah. Who is Jargon? Uh, the
38:13
guy who runs the show for
38:16
now. Your boss. Your boss,
38:19
too, I guess all of our bosses. I do not
38:22
know this guy. Probably your God.
38:24
Quite literally a god among men. So
38:27
does he come down and talk to us? No.
38:30
We don't even know. You have a series of
38:33
different gods that are worshipped in the city. Actually, basically, like,
38:36
just like made up God. Uh, what would be really funny is
38:39
if sauce was an atheist.
38:41
Yeah, you tell me. If
38:44
Sauce would believe in a god or not. But all things considered,
38:47
there are several different gods that are worshipped in this city. And you've never heard
38:50
of a Jar Jim before? I
38:53
said he believes in a higher power.
39:00
Maybe one of them's right. Maybe there's a whole other guy. I don't
39:03
know. I had never heard of this Jim. Jar
39:06
Jar. Jar. Bing. Sky.
39:09
Okay, I don't want to hear of him either. Well, you know, we
39:12
could just have you talk.
39:16
Wait, what do you mean, talk? God, no.
39:18
Guys. What? I just
39:21
remembered. What?
39:24
That Jar Jim guy. Jim Jar guy?
39:27
Yeah. He gave us some magic stone to talk
39:29
to him once a day. Once. I don't have
39:32
it. Do you have it, Des? I'll shake my head.
39:35
No, no, I left it. When we went running
39:38
after Rourick over here. I ran off,
39:41
so I don't know how I would have A stone.
39:44
What do you mean, Stone? Magic stone. He
39:47
talked about it. We could communicate with him, ask
39:50
him one question a day. I'm just sitting here thinking, like, these guys
39:53
are on drugs. These guys are
39:55
insane.
39:59
Talkie Rocky or something.
40:01
Good. Should we go get this talkie
40:04
Rocky? Probably walked, uh, off.
40:11
I remember exactly where it was.
40:14
Uh, you look off into the distance, and you
40:17
haven't gone very far since you got into the city. But you do
40:20
see, on a hill that leads away from the city, you
40:23
can not. The rocks. You don't see the rocks themselves,
40:26
but you do see. You do see a
40:28
tree. From
40:34
light that comes through, the cloud shines on.
40:37
Hm. This hilltop, do I hear
40:40
angels? No. There is a light
40:43
that shines on this hilltop. There's a tree that's growing out of it,
40:46
and you can see that, uh, the light is shining right in front of
40:49
this tree. Did you perhaps leave it over there?
40:52
That's definitely a trap. I know
40:55
trap. I shouldn't. Go grab it.
40:59
Yeah, go get it. All right.
41:03
I guess I'll go off to get this walkie talkie
41:06
Rocky. Okay, sounds good. So you head off, and
41:09
it's a good, like, 15 minutes to get to the top of
41:12
this hill. I'm just glad you get away from these.
41:15
Yeah, you're processing.
41:18
I feel like these guys are coming into my town. Obviously,
41:21
they're shady or they're just crazy.
41:25
Uh, I'm kind of keeping an eye on them. I'm probably going to end
41:28
up going with them to do whatever they do, because at this
41:31
point, I'm trying to supervise them and
41:33
mitigate the damage. If I need to take them down, I'll take them down. You know
41:36
what I'm talking about? Yeah.
41:40
At this point, I might make a stop on the way
41:42
there. Maybe take five minutes or ten
41:45
minutes to maybe stop by the, uh, quicksaw
41:48
stop, headquarters. The headquarters. And kind of lay down
41:51
what I've learned. All right. Uh, you walk
41:54
into the headquarters, which I'll leave more or less
41:57
undescribed. For future reference.
42:00
Um, the boss man, the, uh,
42:03
sergeant, the captain, whatever you want to
42:06
call him? He's like, Bella,
42:08
what are you doing in my office? What,
42:11
do you got something? I've got a lot. We've
42:14
got these travelers in town. I think there might be
42:17
something else going on. They come in saying
42:20
they need to make a million dollars. Okay. I offered
42:23
them a job at the
42:25
sauce in the sauce stand. Okay,
42:28
look, I've talked about this. I
42:31
really don't like it when you bring up the sauce
42:33
stand. It feels weird, all right? If
42:36
I send someone undercover and they've got a hot dog
42:39
stand, I don't want to hear bet your hot
42:42
dogs. Okay? I don't want to hear bet your hot
42:45
dog sales. I don't want to hear about how much mustard you're putting
42:48
on them. Okay, uh, go straight to
42:50
the point. They are looking for
42:53
means of making money in alternate
42:56
ways. What kind of alternate ways? Very
42:59
criminal. They met. I kind of
43:02
look around a little bit. They're talking to the
43:04
slicer. All right,
43:07
he's pretty low tier, but, uh, obviously that could
43:09
escalate. Um,
43:14
this is a little low tier to be bringing to me.
43:17
I'm the captain of the precinct, and you're coming to me
43:20
talking about the slicer. Uh, you're talking about some
43:22
four nobodies. They're coming into town. It's a little weird.
43:25
It's like four noboys coming to town, and they're trying
43:29
to do some criminal activity.
43:31
Do you want me to join them?
43:34
Join them? Join them. You know what I mean? You
43:37
want to follow them? Yeah, absolutely, I want you to follow
43:40
them. That's your job, all right? You come to
43:43
me, and you're like, hey, look, I picked up this piece of
43:46
paper. I think it's a clue. I don't even know what the
43:49
crime is. I got everybody up my
43:52
ass right now. I
43:55
got ask. The king is
43:58
dead. It's big news. We're dealing with
44:01
a lot right now. And you come to me telling
44:03
me about four nobodies on the eve of
44:06
my daughter's head, you, sterling sauce poo a
44:09
friend to get the cell sauce. I don't even want to think
44:12
about the sauce. Damn.
44:14
It's
44:17
all hard. It hit me the hardest. Look,
44:20
nobody. This doesn't mean you treat me like this.
44:23
Okay? Two things, feather.
44:26
Uh, all right, first of all, I'm sorry
44:28
about what happened to him, okay? He was a great guy.
44:31
Fantastic. All right? But secondly,
44:34
and I don't mean to be a jerk when I say this, but you got
44:37
to stop using that as a crutch. You say that every
44:40
single time I yell at you.
44:44
Sometimes you just deserve it. And you just
44:47
got to accept that the best agent you
44:49
got. Well, that's a
44:52
little narcissistic and
44:55
presumptive. Behind a desk all day, I stand on the
44:57
door,
45:05
uh,
45:24
times. Yeah, well, you won't be
45:27
if you don't bring me something legitimate.
45:30
And then he slams his.
45:33
I only got four fingers. Just take one of
45:36
them. Which one is the
45:39
middle
45:43
ones? Up in the air. You walk out of there, you slam the
45:46
door. I just want to say, I want Des to meet that
45:49
guy so bad just so he could do a Christopher Walken
45:51
impression,
46:00
but we don't know. Yeah,
46:03
toss ticket. Throw it away. After you leave
46:06
there, I'm going to go get this
46:09
talking rock. Okay, so you walk up the hill, and sure
46:12
enough, this light that's coming out of the cloud, this
46:15
beam of holy light, angel singing. There are
46:18
no angels singing, but it does come straight down. Uh,
46:21
and it just looks like it's highlighting this little
46:24
rock cycle. I just pick it up, look
46:26
at it, shake it a little bit. Doesn't do anything.
46:29
Uh, it doesn't do anything when you shake it.
46:32
Talking rock. Hello.
46:35
Wait, so it's future unclear. You don't hear
46:37
anything stupid?
46:40
Talking rock? Uh, put it in my pocket.
46:43
Okay. Head back to them. Sounds good.
46:46
All right, so, uh, the rest of you guys who are waiting
46:49
back there, um, we can
46:52
talk between ourselves. I thought we're talking to
46:54
Slicer. Let's go back and talk to Slicer.
46:57
Slicer is just standing there in the shadow, and he kind of steps out,
47:00
and he just kind of waves at you a little, like. So,
47:03
Slicer, what do we got to do? Yeah, what do we got to
47:06
do to be cool? Yeah. So, basically, the only
47:09
thing you got to do to be cool prove to me that you're cool,
47:12
guys, is, uh,
47:15
he gets real close. He's like, I need you to steal
47:18
something. I don't care what
47:21
it is. I care who awaits
47:24
steering dead. Well, I need to
47:27
see you do it now. Well, that's the point of stealing in
47:30
it. Not to be seen, not by anyone other than
47:33
me. Well, that's a little. How about you do
47:35
it first? Okay. All right. And
47:38
he walks over, show us how it's done. And, uh, he
47:41
walks over to this booth, and he starts, uh, chatting. It's like a
47:44
fruit booth. And he's chatting with the guy that runs the fruit
47:47
booth. And you just notice that, ah, as he's
47:49
talking to the guy, his hand kind of goes down
47:52
at one point. Like he's gesturing, and he puts his
47:55
hand down. In a second, you just see him very nimbly grab
47:58
an apple and slide it into his pocket. Then he raises his hands back
48:01
up as if he's trying to barter with this guy, and you just hear him
48:04
shout, man, these prices are unreasonable.
48:07
And he walks away, and he walks up to you, and
48:10
he tosses you the apple rock.
48:14
Kelsey and I toss it over
48:17
to Keto. Is there
48:20
anything visible on Slice's body?
48:23
Uh, like a coin purse or like a dagger or
48:26
something? Um,
48:30
push him over.
48:34
All right, Tom. Um, yes. So
48:37
he has at his side, um, kind of
48:40
hanging down from his belt, he has a morning star.
48:43
Um, on his back, he has
48:46
a javelin. That's kind of like, got a weird sheath
48:48
back there. Um, otherwise, yeah,
48:52
you don't hear a coin purse. Okay,
48:55
but you remember thinking back of him
48:58
inside of the tavern that you guys were just in. He had a drink, and he
49:01
paid for the drink, and he flipped him a coin.
49:04
So you know that he, at least at, uh, one point, had a coin. You doubt that
49:07
he would carry just a single coin on him. Right.
49:10
Idea. Uh, wait a sec. Can you go
49:13
do that three more times? Uh,
49:16
I think it's your turn. Well, we already stole one thing,
49:19
right? Keto and I point over at the, ah, apple Keto's
49:22
holding. He just stole that from
49:25
you. I tossed it to you.
49:28
Uh,
49:31
semantics, Keto. Did you pay for that apple?
49:35
That, I did not. Oh, well, looks like he stole
49:38
it. Three more things
49:41
if I grow apples at my.
49:44
Give me analogies. Okay, don't give me
49:46
technicality. This isn't even a good
49:49
technicality. I'm starting to lose my faith in you
49:51
guys. I would like to try and
49:54
steal his morning star while this is happening. All
49:57
right, while this is happening,
50:00
do a sleight of hand. Actually,
50:04
yeah, I'll let you do either stealth or Sleight of
50:06
hand. Um, whichever one
50:09
is better. Let me look. They
50:12
are the same. All right,
50:17
that's 17. Okay. While Rourick is kind
50:20
of arguing back and forth with them, you sneak behind
50:23
him and deftly slide his
50:26
morning star out of its sheath. And
50:29
he goes to turn around because he's like, wait, what? He
50:32
turns, and you're standing there, and you have his morning
50:35
star. I pick his, uh, javelin off his back. When he turns
50:37
around, everyone just swarming
50:40
around. 2025.
50:43
All right. Uh, okay. As, ah,
50:46
he turns around, he sees the morning star, and he starts to get
50:48
frustrated. You pull the javelin, and I toss
50:51
behind it. I toss it over to
50:53
Maki, okay?
50:56
Catch it. And then I tap him
50:59
on his shoulder. I go, all
51:04
says, all right.
51:07
Hey, you know what? I got mad respect for it because
51:10
all, uh, things considered, there's, uh, a lot of different kinds
51:13
of stealing in the organization I'm a part
51:16
of. He winks at you guys. But, uh,
51:19
this is my style of things. Kind of bullying
51:21
somebody into getting all their stuff. That's my
51:24
area, you could say. So I tell you what. Look,
51:27
I just need to see one of you steal
51:30
something, one thing from one of these shops
51:33
in the area, or a house or a person walking
51:36
by. Aside from myself, I gesture to the
51:39
whole group of us just in bewilderment of what he's
51:42
asking. At this point, I don't think
51:45
he's asking us to steal from him, right?
51:48
But from a shop. I again
51:50
refer to the apple, which was not yours prior
51:55
taken from me, like you did. I mean,
51:58
clever. It's clever. And like I said, I
52:00
respect the style, but I just need. Like
52:03
I said, okay, steal it from me. Not a great idea.
52:06
Keto. Lay on the ground and just start groaning really
52:09
loudly. Okay, I'll be back. And I just start
52:12
walking off. Ah,
52:15
Keto, you're groaning really loudly. I assume you're trying to
52:17
attract people to his circumstances.
52:20
Okay, roll me a performance check, keto. Ooh.
52:23
I don't think I'm very good at that. You never know if you can
52:26
just groan your way through, and if you're not doing too good, just kick
52:29
him,
52:32
just start beating him.
52:35
That's going to attract a very different kind of attention. I'm just going
52:38
to let you know that right now. I think I managed to actually hurt
52:41
myself trying to pretend to hurt myself. Okay. Because I rolled
52:44
the two.
52:47
You fall on the ground and you go,
52:49
uh. And
52:52
somebody walks by and looks at you and just goes,
52:55
ew. And then keeps walking.
52:59
I walk up to a.
53:03
And someone's like, hey, public
53:05
indeed.
53:09
Um, I walk up to the nearest table and
53:12
then just point at the alleyway where this
53:14
moaning is coming from.
53:20
I think one of those guys over there stole an apple from
53:23
you. All right, uh, this is a dude who's a
53:26
really good selling. No, it's the
53:28
same guy. Slicer with the earlier. Oh, it's the same
53:31
guy. I think someone over there
53:34
stole an apple from you.
53:36
What? Yeah,
53:39
the big guy with the javelin on his back that just
53:42
talked to you. The guy with the J. Hey, you. And
53:45
he starts pointing.
53:51
Anyways, I'm going to grab my fruit.
53:54
I grabbed something off his thing when he is clearly just
53:57
yelling. What'd you roll? 21.
54:00
21 what? Um,
54:03
you steal something, but the guards are all
54:06
headed over to monkey, who's holding a
54:08
javelin, and this guy is shouting,
54:12
that guy right there, he stole my fruit.
54:15
Not him. You just sent the guy with the
54:17
javelin. This guy with the javelin stole my fruit.
54:21
Did he talk to you? You see Slicer kind of starting to
54:24
back away, and he kind of goes back into the shadows of
54:27
the tavern, going to swing the morning star at
54:29
Slicer. You stay here.
54:32
I said it was the guy who talked to you.
54:35
This guy's already up in arms. He's upset. He's not
54:38
even listening to you at this point. He's just shouting at the guards. Does Maki
54:41
see these people coming towards him? Oh, yeah,
54:43
absolutely. Hey, alone.
54:47
I didn't steal anything.
54:50
Are they, uh, like, fully yelling at him? The
54:52
alleyway? Yeah. Okay. I'm just filling my pockets
54:55
full of stuff because they clearly
54:58
don't care because I'm, like, yelling at them. That's, uh, not
55:01
him. And they're clearly ignoring me. So I'm like, okay, fine. Just.
55:05
Yeah, yeah, all right. You're loading up with a whole bunch
55:08
of fruits. Maki, what are you doing? As these guards are kind of starting
55:11
to come up, there's two guards, and they're heading
55:14
towards you, trying, um, to kind of, like, block you off a little
55:17
bit. Uh,
55:20
I put the javelin down on the
55:23
ground as if I'm using it as a
55:26
support. Okay. Like, you're like, oh,
55:29
gosh, my leg. I pretend
55:32
to be a cripple. There you go.
55:35
Do a performance check. See if they.
55:40
I wouldn't dare steal something. I'd
55:43
never get away. As you can see, I'm leg
55:46
disabled. There you go.
55:53
Our acting skills. Uh, we just
55:56
saw you holding that spear there, buddy.
55:59
Look, is it true that you stole
56:02
from that guy? I'm going to need you to put that down, first
56:05
of all. Really? I can't walk
56:08
without it, sir. That's a weapon. That's a
56:11
pointy weapon right there. I'm going to need you to put that down.
56:14
Okay. I can't believe it.
56:17
What universe we're in. We can't escape the
56:19
Canadians.
56:22
My feathered arms, uh, up. And I say,
56:26
uh, take it easy now. But really, I can't walk.
56:29
And I take a few steps towards them. Oh,
56:32
don't worry, dear Budy, we're going to put out his arm
56:34
to kind of catch you a little bit. Uh,
56:37
what a nice guy. Now, buddy, what
56:40
I'm going to do is that he's saying that she stole his
56:43
fruit. I'm going to have to give you a little pat down, okay, dear?
56:46
Bud, walk up the. I'll go. It wasn't him.
56:48
Excuse me, sir. I don't know who you are, but you're
56:51
interfering with Gar
56:54
told them. Okay, that's fine and dandy
56:57
there, Bud, but I'm going to need you to take a couple of steps back.
57:00
All right? I'm going to start biting into the apples
57:03
from this guy's stand. All right?
57:06
I'm going to give you a little pat down. It's not going to hurt or anything.
57:09
Just making sure you don't have his stuff, okay?
57:12
All right. And they do a little pat down and they don't
57:15
find any apples on you. They say, uh, excuse
57:18
me, uh, Mr. Vendor, what's your name? He's
57:21
like, Joseph. Yeah, well,
57:24
we're not finding any fruit on him there, Bud. Was it
57:26
something else he stole from you? Well, I don't know.
57:29
And he looks over at, uh, Roric and he's
57:32
like, what exactly did he steal?
57:36
Was it fruit? You said it was fruit, right?
57:39
My heart. They all just kind of paused for a
57:42
second there. Um, well, I'm
57:45
sorry there, Mr. Joseph, but, uh, I don't think that
57:48
any kind of romantic feelings is an
57:51
illegal act. So I think we're going to have to move
57:54
on with this one. But if you got any other transgressions
57:57
you need to deal with, you just let us know. We'll
58:00
be nearby. And they start to walk
58:02
off and, hey there, bud, let me help you out
58:05
with that. And the dude just takes the
58:08
javelin and he breaks the point off of
58:10
it.
58:13
Now, that's going to help you out, okay? But it's
58:16
not the best. It's going to really get into your armpit there, so
58:19
you're going to definitely want to get a real, uh,
58:22
crutch, all right. As soon as you can. Once, uh,
58:25
you do that, you're going to be doing just fine.
58:27
And then they both start walking away.
58:30
Thanks, officers.
58:33
And, uh, as they walk away, the slicer comes back
58:36
out from inside the shadows, and he just kind of walks over
58:39
and he looks at the piece of the
58:41
javelin that's laying there on the ground. And he looks at the javelin, he
58:44
goes, guess
58:47
you're going to have to steal a new one. Well, I guess
58:50
I am, but, uh, I saw what
58:53
you did. Did you? Uh, yeah, I did.
58:56
Guess I wasn't good enough. Oh, no, I
58:59
was looking for it. See that's. That's kind of the key to
59:02
misdirection and theft, is you do something
59:05
that they're not looking for. These apples
59:07
suck healthy. Those are red
59:10
deliciouses. They're not great. Uh,
59:14
nevertheless, uh, we'll call
59:16
it a solid success. You
59:19
guys seem pretty cool, all things considered. So, uh,
59:22
yeah, what do you say to, uh, a little job?
59:25
Yeah, sign me up. All right. Let's do it quick before
59:28
that square gets back. Well, uh,
59:35
uh, yeah, see, here's the thing. Uh,
59:38
it's actually something I need you to help me out
59:41
with tonight, uh,
59:44
later this evening, if you'd
59:47
be able to. Yeah. So there's a pretty
59:50
nearby alleyway, uh, that I need you guys,
59:53
uh, to meet me in about 06:30
59:56
p.m. It's going to start just getting dark a little bit,
59:59
but, uh, not too much just yet. Um, that
1:00:02
comes later when we get everything all ready. But, uh, I'm going To need you guys
1:00:05
there to help me get the prep work done, essentially.
1:00:08
What's the job? Well, essentially, I'm going to be meeting
1:00:11
some guys in there. Uh, they're going to do a little
1:00:14
bit of a trade off with me for something that I've got, that they
1:00:17
want. But if we can, uh, do a little something
1:00:19
something, make some things happen, we'd be
1:00:22
able to, uh, walk out of there with
1:00:26
all the valuables. Uh, I see.
1:00:28
A classic double cross. Exactly.
1:00:31
See? You get it. That's why I knew you guys would be cool.
1:00:34
So, wait, this isn't a mercenary job?
1:00:38
No, um, I'm not with the mercenaries.
1:00:41
Actually, I'm
1:00:44
part of a different organization. Uh, like I said,
1:00:47
maybe if you guys. What, uh, organization? Uh,
1:00:50
I'm not at liberty. I mean, if we're going to work for you, might as well tell
1:00:53
us. Well, that's what I'm getting to. I'm not at liberty to say yet,
1:00:56
but if things go well with what we got going, I'm more than
1:00:58
happy to tell you what it is and how to be a
1:01:01
part of it. 630. Where? 30.
1:01:04
Yes, that's right. Where? Yeah. Um, if you guys want
1:01:07
to meet me, it's the alleyway right between the quirky
1:01:10
quill and the mystic map maker. It's right here
1:01:13
in Atlantic Heights. You got that,
1:01:15
Maki? He's our
1:01:18
note taker. Right on. You always got to have
1:01:21
somebody like that, am I right? Yeah. Maki pulls out some
1:01:24
pages, notebook, and
1:01:27
then he's got stuff to write with. He actually does write
1:01:30
it down. The mystic
1:01:33
map maker. Um, all right, I guess that's
1:01:36
it. We'll see you then. I'll see you guys then. I don't
1:01:38
know what you want to do about that other fellow, but, um, hopefully the
1:01:41
trade wasn't for that javelin. Bye bye. I'll
1:01:44
see you guys later. And with that, we'll call it an
1:01:47
episode.
1:01:50
Thank you so much for listening to Criminals of Isla Numis,
1:01:53
a Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition actual play podcast
1:01:56
set in a homebrew world created by me, Skyler Gorset.
1:01:59
If you've been enjoying our show so far, be sure to like, follow and
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In the meantime, thank you so much for listening, and don't forget
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